CHOOSE! Just make a decision already!!

You're trying my patience!

You're trying my patience!

Dear Bella, in Eclipse chapters 22-25 (well actually most of the book)-

I kinda freaking HATE you.

Your inability to make a decision and almost hairpin waffling between Edward and Jacob makes me want to punch your dumb, whiney high school face. You finally have your supposed DREAM MAN back, he’s pledged his forever love to you, has asked you to marry him and promises to “TRY” (ahem) after he HIMSELF turns you into a vampire and yet you’re going back to fool around with Jacob!?

I cheer every time when you have a flippin moment of clarity and finally say “Edward would never see me shed another tear for Jacob Black” (517). And then I inevitably want to throw the book across the room when a page later you’re begging Edward to help you find Jacob, he does you beg him not to fight and then your “brain disconnects from your body and you’re kissing (Jacob) back” (527). DOUBLE U-TEE-EF!!!??? First, are you OUT OF YOUR MIND?? Second, if you don’t want Edward I will gladly take him off your incapable hands, just let me know when to pick him up, you idiot.

After reading through New Moon again and completely identifying with your depression and near insanity over losing Edward, followed by giving Jacob mad props for being a good friend to your catatonic self and then rejoicing with you when you finally get Edward back. Eclipse makes me almost inclined to say you don’t DESERVE either of them after all this nonsense.

not worth it boys...

not worth it boys...

I think the worst part, well one of the worst, was when Edward comes back after you’ve kissed Jacob and you’re in the tent crying about how retarded you are. Cause you should be! It’s that split moment between him asking you what’s wrong and then ‘seeing’ it happen in Jacob’s mind, through Seth. AHH!! I can’t even imagine that, seeing the person you’re in love with cheating (for all intents and purposes) on you right in front of your face! It’s one thing for them to tell you it happened, but to be face to face with the actual crime. And of course Jacob’s very VIVID memory and imagination probably only made it worse. The kicker is that Edward totally forgives you because he thinks Jacob was “playing dirty” and you were just the victim. Sweet innocent you. OHH HAAALE nah! It takes two to tango my friends, as my mom would say. Though Edward is a good person and forgives you, I wish he’d have let it ride for a few minutes and let you feel guilty about it. But he is Edward and he is too good.

We all love a good love triangle, who will she choose? Who’s best for her? But after a while Bella, you just come off looking like a pathetic cruel MEAN girl. The good thing is you recognize that in yourself… the sucky thing is sometimes I think it might be too late. I don’t know if it’s possible to ‘have your cake and eat it too.’ Maybe you should figure that out. Before I LOSE my mind reading this again. GOD.

Wishing I could reach through the book and slap some sense into your head… (who’s with me?!)
Themoonisdown

PS Start studying up kids… I have an Eclipse Twilosophy session brewing.

  • http://www.momofthreecrazykids.blogspot.com Valerie

    Oh Moon, I’m totally with you! Bella needs to be slapped around a little lot.
    What is she thinking when there is Edward right there waiting for you?

  • sam

    HALLELUJAH! I believe you once again have READ my mind!! :) I could not have said any of this better myself. Bella needs a total b*tch slap when she is seriously trying to decide between Edward and Jacob.
    I mean, really?!! Is there really even ANYTHING to think about?!
    NOO!!!
    So, like Moon said Bella, if you do not want Edward, if you can not handle him.. then, please, HAND HIM OVER! K? Thanks. Nuff said! Ugh!

  • SuzieQ

    I just re-read Eclipse for the 4th time, and completely agree with you Moon. Bella’s a freaking psyco. There are moments in the saga where she is very bright, witty even.. but answer me this: how in the hell could anyone not see past the -I’m going to die fighting because you won’t choose me- guilt trip that Jacob was pulling?!? Come on! No one is that gullible! I really wish she had just a little back bone, to throw it back in Jacob’s face and call his bluff. But what does she do? She not only asks him to kiss her, but she totally gets into it and practically has dry-sex with him right freaking there!! Every time, I’m thinking: WTF?!? She is such a A-typical stupid girl during that scene, with all of the tears and self-loathing. She got what she wanted, Edward, a man with no equal. And instead of complementing her man by becoming a real woman, she acts like a freaking TWEEN! It’s disgusting.

    And to top it all off, she makes it worse by trying to seduce Edward in the tent, after making out with Jacob, while she’s sobbing… give me a flippin’ break.

    She forces Edward to be a father-figure so many times in Eclipse.. I feel like screaming in her face- YOU ARE NOT WOMAN ENOUGH TO DESERVE HIM!!!!!!!!

    When the fight is over, and Alice & Bella are back at the house, in Alice’s bathroom.. and Alice is brushing her hair and talking about her “choice”, I thought instead Alice should have slapped her and told her to grow the fuc* up already!

    ok.. I’ll stop yelling now.. thanks Moon, for bringing it up and giving me a place to vent! :)

  • http://mama2bella07.wordpress.com/ Mrs. P.

    It’s so funny that you bring this up Moon, because that is one of my favorite parts of the book. When she kind of does “have her cake, and eat it too”. I think all of us like to have options, even if we know one option is far superior and will ultimately be what we choose…don’t we always kind of want a plan B??
    I know I do, and when that plan be is asmokin hot werewolf, who just happens to be the BEST FRIEND you’ve ever had…I can see how it might be hard to just throw all that away.

  • Jonette Cullen

    Thank you for this post!! I hated all those parts! It’s almost hard to read because I just think of the pain she is causing Edward over and over. I can’t help but feel horrible for him, and he’s sooo good to her when he says’ “You’re only human.” Just so you know Edward, THIS human would never hurt you like that. I would still want to be friends with Jacob and everything, but after awhile with you, i would be like, “Jacob who?”.

    Also, the reaction from Bella when Edward proposed was CRAZY! Edward having to talk her into it???? It just boggles my mind.

  • krazykidd

    OMG Moon….THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! FINALLY someone brought this up to attention!!! I swear I wanted to lay the smackdown/the people’s elbow on her dumbass…and after she kissed Jacob before he goes off to fight…I was hoping Edward would have left her and that she would have ended up without Jacob either…that should have taught her a VERY valuable lesson!!! Definitely some people get things they don’t deserve!

    P.S.
    If Edward had proposed to ME…I don’t think we would have made it outta his bedroom in the morning!!! LOL

  • themoonisdown

    @suzie q – totally right about the father thing. creepy dont do that! let charlie be your dad and edward be you MAN!

    @mrs p/jonette – i was going to write more about the other side: options, being human, we all do it etc but this was already entirely too long! hahaha

  • http://letterstotwilight.wordpress.com unintendedchoice

    hahahah ‘dry sex with him right there’ you’re right- suzieq!!

    I just re-read eclipse too (that’s why we’re friends moon) and i forgave bella when she committed to ‘never letting edward see me cry again’ … everyone makes mistakes, right? but THEN.. she did it AGAIN. and it was AWFUL.. and i got so mad at her.

    but… don’t stone me here… i like when jacob kisses her. and i’m NOT team jacob, i’ve never BEEN team jacob… and i don’t want bella to ever pick him… he’s a DOG, for cryin’ out loud.. but .. it’s hot.. a damn hot kiss.. and maybe it’s just b/c we never get to experience that with eddie & bella.. and so all this tension is built up .. and though it’s with jacob and not edward, i sorta feel like it’s all the tension built up from lack of ANYTHING with eddie thrown into the kiss with the dog? oh man… i dunno. it’s hot.

    not as hot as the fanfic i read with kristen & rob.. but it’s hot
    HAHAHAHA that was NOT hot (okay it was a little hot… ?)

  • sam

    @UC – I get what you mean about liking the kiss. I like it too, but only becuz of how hot it is, like you said. With everything Edward and Bella, we don’t get all the juicy details, so this was kinda refreshing.. I guess I just always imagine it’s her and Edward!

  • http://twilightheaded.blogspot.com Ginger Swan

    I’m totally with you on wanting to slap Bella! Why on earth would she be so stupid as to kiss Jacob voluntarily when she has Edward? So not realistic! Cause, uh, the rest of the Twilight Saga is so realistic.

  • http://www.lulaville.com Leigh Anne

    @UC–I agree with everything you said.

    When I first read Eclipse (on the beach in HHI, baby!) I did throw my book across the sand during all that drama. But on subsequent readings, I handled it better.

    I like the Jacob drama. I am NOT team Jacob. Have never been, nor will ever be. But he is integral to the story….Bella has to love two men. She has to have a choice. And while she makes me mad and acts like a petulant child throughout most of Eclipse, she has to go through those range of emotions…it’s the whole set-up for her coming into her own in Breaking Dawn.

    And I’m getting into Twilsophy here…sorry!

  • Sass

    The romantic side of me totally agrees with you, moon…I just wanted to slap her at times, I literally yelled out loud at her and slapped myself a few times when she was pulling her conflicted shit with Jacob.

    The Twilosopher side of me totally agrees with you, uc, and Leigh Anne…she has to sort out her conflicts and grow as a person before she can finally, truly and without any doubt whatsover, be with Edward forever.

    All of that “will she, won’t she” makes for a damn good story though!

    @SuzieQ…love how you called Edward, a man with no equal… *THUD*

  • http://thedangermagnet.blogspot.com Ana Cristina

    Coincidentally, I’m reading the same chapters of “Eclipse” now, too, and also yearning to wring Bella’s precious little neck. Le sigh…

    And sign me up for your Twilosophy sessions. ;)

  • justme

    I am so with you. I’m glad to hear I was not the only one that really wanted to slap Bella in ‘Eclipse’. I just got done reading it for the second time. My urge to slap her was even stronger the second time. I also don’t get her hang-up about marrying Edward either. If she’s such a ‘strong’ girl she wouldn’t give a crap what anyone else thought – not even Mom. That’s my thought anyway. It’s one thing to worry about what others think but she seemed totally insensitive toward Edward’s feelings about his desire to marry her.

    I think I’m going right now and flipping my Twilight calendar to February so I don’t have to look at her Edward-I-love-you-sooo-much-and-can’t-live-without-you-but-I-don’t-want-to-marry-you-and-oh-btw-I-love-Jacob-too face.

  • vickyb

    Eclipse is my favorite book of the series. I think because it is so intense in specific scenes. Like the when Edward comes back from hunting and they are on the bed, and of course the tent scene. I don’t “love” Jacob but I tolerate him as a necessary part of the story. I guess I am glad Bellas got to see what she was giving up but I agree, did she have to be so annoying. I wanted to bitch slap her in her bitch face!

  • Verbena

    too true Moon! I find Eclipse intensely frustrating to read, but for me I think that’s what makes it such a compelling read. I also find myself wanting to constantly bitch slap Bella. it really annoys me how no-one really pulls her on her behaviour and how Edward just takes it all! argh! In this book I think Edward could do with a bit of a back bone too and have a strong word with his wiley missus! But of course he never would as he is ever the gentleman…

    I found myself (for fleeting moments) wanting Bella to choose jacob, one so that she would stop hurting poor Edward and becuase she didn’t really deserve him. and two because of this bit (which is my favourite quote from the book)

    (jacob speaking)
    “He’s like a drug for you Bella.” his voice was still and gentle, not at all critical. “I see that you can’t live without him now. It’s too late. But I would have been healthier for you. Not a drug; I would have been the air, the sun.” (pg 599)

    now i’m not team Jacob, but in the moment of reading that I think i fell for him a little, it’s beautiful. And just for that moment I wanted Bella to chose Jacob, because what he said made complete sense.

    Anyway…I read somewhere that Ms. Meyer based Eclipse on Wuthering Heights, and it really is like the same frustration i felt when reading that. (if you have’t read it you must!)

    wow, i’ve rambled an awful lot, now back to lurkdom……

  • Pamela

    Well after reading all of the books several times now it is definately Eclipse that I want to throw against the wall and not New Moon. New Moon’s ending is worth all of torture of Edward leaving. When you get to Eclipse you do want to Bitch slap Bella several times for being so wishy washy. Now I realize Eclipse is Stephenie’s “red herring” in the series but good God I feel so damn sorry for Edward during the entire book.

    @UC I love your view of the Jacob kiss, I have never looked at that way before. So from now on I am going to keep that in mind while reading that part and hopefully I won’t feel so suicidal :)

  • SuzieQ

    ok, ok, ok… I have to qualify all of my bitching in my first post. Eclipse is my favorite of the series partly because of Jacob. I absolutely adore him. I’m not a team Jacob person.. but holy hell he is so yummy in his own way. He’s got the bad-boy attraction, with the emotional depth underneath.
    I agree with you all.. the kiss was hotttttt.. when he breaks free of her lips and whispers in his husky voice “you can do better than that Bella..” yeah.. immediate chills down my spine.
    I think my fav part was the conversation between Edward & Jacob in the tent.. oops.. am I getting into Twilosophy here??

    Anyway, I think Bella said it best.. “STUPID lamb”.

  • http://www.anotheraspiringjournalist.wordpress.com anotheraspiringjournalist

    http://anotheraspiringjournalist.wordpress.com/2009/02/01/twilight/

    Absolutely.
    Bella is a twat.
    There is absolutely no competition between Edward and Jacob.
    I hated New Moon because it was almost all Jacob Black, the stupid dog.
    Personally though, I mostly hate all the idiots who jumped on the damn twilight bandwagon after the film came out (see my blog for that particular rant).

  • Twi-bookfan

    I agree with u moon, i wanted to slap her when she couldnt make up her mind she loved him, but when he asked her to marry him she didnt want to and she had to be persuaded to by him. i felt horrible for Edward
    and also In Eclipse the whole time it was like she just wanted to get into his pants, she didnt seem to care about him that much. Then when she was having her ,moment, with Jake i swear i was crying because the whole time i was thinking i feel soo sad for Edward

  • spunk ransom

    OME..yes I agree! so very much. Here is how I process it all and also deal with all the women in my office who come to me (since I got them addicted to twilight) when they are reading Eclipse and wanting answers about BELLA and her insane reactions and choices…she is YOUNG ..inmature and well Edward isn’t. He has 80 years on her.. but ugh no that isn’t much of an excuse….I dunno why, I just don’t know!! oh by the way..I do believe you may just have the most Rockin! site on the entire world wide web…just sayin :)

    • http://letterstotwilight.wordpress.com unintendedchoice

      @spunk ransom we <3 you xo:)

  • http://adriennetrafford.blogspot.com Adrienne

    i had trouble with that too – as well as “i love you with every fiber of my being, but marry you?? eewwwwwwww!” hmmmmmmm….

  • Sass

    To be honest, I did not know about the books until this summer, when all the movie hype started happening. And I did not start reading Twilight until the week before the movie was released. I don’t consider myself jumping on the bandwagon…just a latecomer to the series. I read all the books and loved them and I don’t consider myself less of a fan only because I just discovered them this year.

    Don’t hate me for that, I really am not an idiot, I swear !!!

  • Pamela

    I too just started reading them in October but I had no idea there was a movie coming out. My niece was reading the book and talking about good it was so I thought I would give it try. When I did find out there was a film coming out it was just some extra icing added on to my cake.

  • Christa

    Dear Stephenie,

    I’m the only one who understands you. Let’s do lunch. We’ll talk about how no one gets Bella like we do. I mean, really, she’s not fickle. It’s not her fault that she can’t leave Edward because, as she put it, it was like Sam and Emily, they never had a choice. It’s not her fault that carrying the ovum-Renesmee has caused this pull toward Jacob that is torturing her because she just can’t seem to stop herself. It’s also not her fault that Edward and Jacob are playing with these emotions. All this and an army of vampires is hunting her. I don’t think I’d be able to think clearly about my romantic options under those circumstances either.

    Let’s also talk about Midnight Sun, if you don’t mind. If you don’t finish Midnight Sun, you’ll never be able to write New Moon from Edward’s perspective, which means you probably won’t be doing Eclipse either, which means I will never know precisely what Edward was thinking in the tent when Bella felt so guilty about kissing Jacob, even though most of the time she was struggling to get away from him. I’m betting Edward knew that if he started screaming at Bella, she would get defensive and fight back, possibly storming out to find Jacob. Edward would have to drag her back to this easily defensible place he had picked out and Bella would be fighting him instead of working with him. BUT if he said it was ok, she would continue to punish herself thus further strengthening her commitment to Edward. Also, in her guilt she would stay with him in the tent where he could protect her without having to chase her down.

    See? I’m the only one who gets you. Let’s be sisters.

    ♥Christa

    • http://letterstotwilight.wordpress.com unintendedchoice

      @christa i <3 you!

  • Sass

    @Christa…ovum-Renesmee…made me almost spit out my coke!

  • samantha

    @christa
    i also felt like bitch slapping bella while reading eclipse although like you i recognize that choosing between edward and jacob was an all around difficult decision to make. i think its just easier to point out the right choice if you’re a disinterested third party. but when you’re the person involved in all the drama then everything’s becomes so confusing. still, that didn’t stop me from gnashing my teeth and wanting to throw the book away every time she vacillated.
    yeah i hope hope hope stephenie will finally finish midnight sun already. but i read in one of her interviews that she doesn’t plan to rewrite all 4 books in edward’s perspective? i hope to god she changes her mind though!

  • Christa

    @Samantha – I think she’s secretly finishing Midnight Sun (please?) and either she’s just saying she has no plans to do the others OR as she once said in an interview she’s learned to keep her mouth shut about upcoming projects because her fans are so demanding. I’m hoping she’s just keeping her mouth shut about it and that she’d going to do them all. There’s so much I want to know about what Edward’s thinking!

    You’re absolutely right about being the third party. I found myself going, “Oh no, Bella, don’t….crap.” She reminded me so much of myself in certain situations when I was about her age that I really couldn’t begrudge her. She had supernatural rationalizations at least. I was just a stupid hormonal kid.

  • samantha

    @ christa
    haha im sure we were all just stupid hormonal kids at one point or another. :)
    ooh i hope she’s really just being secretive about her other projects and then she’ll surprise us with all the books written in edward’s POV! but yeah, we are a pretty demanding lot so i understand where stephenie’s coming from.

  • http://davidandmalia.blogspot.com maliamo

    I just read this blog to my husband

    His comment?

    “Kristen Stewart is great for Bella because she is annoying. Therefore she fits the part well.”

    Just thought i’d share that little gem with you – haha

    • http://letterstotwilight.wordpress.com unintendedchoice

      @maliamo haha- your husband is GREAT!

  • http://www.laurensbite.blogspot.com Lauren

    Moon – You are amazing. Are we twins? Because I am pretty sure you just read my freakin thoughts. Ugh. Bella is so retarded. Want to know that parts that kill me?

    Here is Edward, who has just returned to Bella after knowing she made out with Jacob…then he comforts her, then he saves her life! I am not saying he should have let her be in danger..I am just disgusted with Bella.

    THEN she sobs all over Edward the entire night as he sits there and holds as she cries over ANOTHER guy. Kill me now.

  • Genevieve

    @Christa- I agree with your POV and especially your letter to Stephenie. I’m right there with you.

  • Michelle

    LMAO!! I love it! Glad I’m not the only one that’s wanted to slap Bella around a few times!

  • themoonisdown

    @lauren – we just may be! we come from the same state! Edward comforting her is definitely one of the most aggravating parts…

    but i think it’s good to remember that edward is HOW old?! he’s had years of experience and years to mature beyond her which makes their relationship a bit unbalanced… but like all things twilight everything happens for a reason and if this didn’t happen we wouldnt have bella in BD…

    and sounds like we need another twilosophy session!

  • http://www.twilightheaded.blogspot.com Spank Ransom

    My rage escalated as I read this . I am entirely anti-Jacob but there were more than a few parts during this book where I felt the real villain was (and is) Bella. She totally mind-f’d both of them over and over again and Jacob was just playing off the mixed signals he was getting from her. I almost hate to say that you can’t hate a dog for trying… well I can, but I can still kinda sorta understand it.

  • anonymoussister

    so I just read that part of eclipse last night for the first time, and was having a mental breakdown and basically the same convo with unintendedchoice (is that illegal to say that.. you can delete this) it went like this: bella is stupid, yes. I secretly hate her. but jacob is a pig. I don’t understand anyone who could be “team jacob” I found out my one friend is, I shunned her. But he’s not sensitive, nice or as goodlooking (though yes, sometimes he does look like adam brody) as edward, and he doesn’t love bella as much. obviously he just wants her for her non-existing body and bad fashion sense on her first day of school. I don’t understand..

    • http://letterstotwilight.wordpress.com unintendedchoice

      @anonymoussister welcome to twi-land. i wonder who your sister is.. i bet she is really awesome, hot and rob pattinson would love her A LOT.

      thanks for your views. I’ll still stand by that i thought the kiss with bells and jake was hot .. yes.. i felt BAD for thinking it.. but i thought it.. i really did

      welcome. just warning though.. TONS of spoilers on the site and you haven’t read BD yet.. i’d stick on LTR until you read the part in BD when bella becomes one of the volturi and kills the entire cullen family. THEN you can read… xo

  • anonymoussister

    you’re mean. okay. you know I’m not really going to do it, but who cares. I need the book first..

  • Sass
  • http://www.outofmytree.co.uk Bec

    You speak nothing but the truth. I am caught between wanting to give Bella a hearty slap and being insanely jealous of her.

    But mostly the slap.

  • themoonisdown

    @anonymoussister- WELCOME! :) you are completely right for shunning your team jacob friend. you can’t have that kind of rif raff in your life. but seriously, real jacob/taylor i’m totally alright with that!

    oh and get BD NOW! youll be done in like a day.

  • Wolf Girl

    yes, I am converting from anonymous sister to my rightful name. although I will tell everyone as I did unintendedchoice that my love for taylor goes no farther than his goodlooks. I got breaking dawn finally. there isn’t enough hours in the day.. I had girls sleep over last night and when they went to bed I stayed in my kitchen reading until 3 30. It’s bad. But I’m almost done and have NO idea what to think!

    • http://letterstotwilight.wordpress.com unintendedchoice

      @Wolf Girl your bro-in-law just said (i read your post outloud) “i’m embarassed to know all of you S**e girls”

  • Ima

    I totally agree with you. Bella was so… fickle. Poor Edward. such a MARTYR.

  • kdgrimmer22

    ugh! I wanna LA PUSH JACOB OFF A CLIFF! (had to say it! can’t help myself)
    seriously though! I have a major love hate relationship with that dog-boy! I actually really like Jacob in the second part of BD…because I get to be inside his head, plus I would be hella bored if it was all from Bella’s whiney self sacrificing pov! (and his chapter titles are awesome!)
    also after bella figures out what he is and he says “I’m so sorry that I can’t be the right kind of monster for you, Bella.” That like was like a verbal bitch slap! LOVE IT! I love that he doesn’t pull any punches with Bella like Edward does…which of course is because he is so AMAZING! but she does need a kick in the butt from Edward! *sigh* but he never will cause he is still beating himself up for leaving her in the first place, he blames himself for her getting attached to Jacob….oh Edward!
    anyways back to my love hate deal…I have to remind myself that he is only 16 and competing with the oh so charmingly brilliant Edward! I agree that that conflict really keeps the story moving, and it is entertaining to see Jacob play dirty… he is such an a-hole…..especially next to Edward.

    and yet I too wanna bitch slap Bella! likewhen she throws a tantrum during his proposal! WTF!? arg! maybe I just can’t quite relate fully with Bella because at 18 I wanted to marry my HS sweetheart (thank GOD I didn’t) but I still married young at 21. I just want to scream at her and say “WTF are you thinking! can’t you see how badly he wants this!? not everything is about you! love is about give and take! BYOTCH” speaking of give and take….how sad is it that she refuses gifts!? I know she says it makes them more “out of balance” but give me a break!

    oh, one last thing, I love the tent scene…and I think the way Jacob finds out about their engagement is his own damn fault! he shouldn’t have been eavesdropping…I don’t care if he has super hear…you know he was listening in on purpose! and thats one of those hate moments with Jake cause he throws that huge fit, and makes Bella hysterical and hurts Edward…and then she makes out with JAKE! AHHHHH! okay I’m done. before I retype the entire book into this little comment.

    ps…I fell off the wagon and am totally at work right now reading your blog. talk about Twi-crack! I feel like a druggy taking secret hits behind my boss’ back!

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