Buttcrack Werewolf – 4 Letters in 1

Pics and stories at JustJaredJR and LaineyGossip

Letter One

Dear Taylor-

Besides lookin like a total pimp… I’m worried about you! If these girls are trying to make you the new partner in their fake lesbian relationship please RUN AWAY. Run far, far away. Next thing you know you’re going to be standing outside a liquor store with KStew while Nikki Reed is inside buying you guys booze and cigarettes.

Oh wait, that already happened. Way to be totally high school Nikki Reed, keepin’ it classy!

Then they’re gonna drag you back to the hotel and you’ll get lit off one Zima and end up playing 7 minutes in Heaven with Kellan while the girls laugh from outside the closet.

Trust me it’s a slippery slope, tell those bitches to keep themselves warm next time. You have Wolfgirl to think of now!

Don’t make me call your Dad!!

Love your matchmaker,


Letter Two

Dear NReed-

Seriously girl? Seriously?? Buying alcohol for two underage kids? Woooooow is all I have to say. Now this isn’t my first time to the rodeo but COME ON don’t be so freaking public about it. Do what normal people do: ORDER that shiz to your hotel room and charge it back to the studio.


Letter Three

Dear Kristen-

Now, hun I’m sure you guys are trying to “bond” before shooting starts. Trying to get the whole Bella/Jacob chemistry thing going and I totes love ya for it cause I ain’t gonna lie it’s terribly cute… but can ya tell your BFF to stay home or go bug Robbie or something? This is starting to look like some weird codependent relationship.

Trying to like you, I really am!

PS where’s Oregano?


Letter Four

Dear Creepy Photographer who took this pic-

This is hilarious.

Please come to my house to show me more of these. Also bring the iced tea and Dateline crew!



PS who’s freaking PUMPED about the motorcycle scenes after seeing Taylor in those biking pics?? He’s TOTALLY Jacob!

  • JBell

    Like I’ve said before:
    Today’s Thoughts – “10 more days, 10 more days, 10 more days… [Taylor is looking ILLEGALLY hot these days!]… 10 more days, 10 more days.”

    I cannot say anymore because as you said Moon, I feel like Chris Hansen will me making an appearance at my house any minute now…

  • “Bring the Dateline crew…”

    GOLD! That is pure gold right there. You win…

  • Melissa

    ah the days of underage drinking..too bad i didnt get to make thousands of dollars smoke cigs in vancouver and play 7 minutes in heaven with rob pattinson while doing it, tho..lucky kids!

  • @Moon – You hit it outta the park today!

    And I am totally excited for the motorcycle scene…but just cause I can’t wait to see KStew to bite it hardcore!

  • you’re right moonie-pie.. he is TOTES jacob.

    I love that we both talked about ‘7 minutes in heaven today without even discussing it before hand. TWINS

    • themoonisdown

      moonie pie! LOVES

      as lauren would say: twinners!!!!!

  • Cindy

    Yum Taylor 😉

  • what is the legal drinking age in canada? K-stupid may be able to drink legally. But they need to stop being all cozy with little taylor like that, they are going to lure him into their corrupt and morally loose lifestyle! noooooooooo!

    • Tigerlily

      @Lacey, the B.C. drinking age is like most of Canada: 19. So KStew is not legal for another month.
      And Tay-Tay is too pretty and buff now for grimy faux lesbians.

  • I am sad today.

    Today is the day I decided that Taylor is lookin’ Hawt. And I am hatin’…

    Well, if real life is anything like the Kristen/Rob fanfic that I am first-hand-embarrassed at myself for reading, Nikki WILL be buggin’ Robbie soon.

    • first-hand embarrassed.. love you… me too 🙂 speaking of it.. do we have an update? oh wait.. should this convo be happening somewhere else b/c it’s letting people know we’re not kidding and we actually have read this type of fan/fic?

      • *runs away to see if there is an update….and to check to see if the girl spelt Chanel wrong again*

      • Dammit. You’re going to make me read it.

  • I don’t know what is more offensive

    Nikki allegedly buying them alcohol


    Kstews skeleton gloves.

    • bah! so.super.indie guaranteed!

    • I will never forgive Kristen for wearing a scary manatee tshirt for a photoshoot. Never!

      • Emily W

        I thought it was a gorilla? Hm. It’s not like they get to pick their clothes :-p. I actually like the gloves… They’re unique.

    • Are we sure they are skeleton gloves? I have been toying with the idea that they make her hands look like pot leaves. 🙂

  • neen

    What are Kristen’s gloves?!

    In all seriousness though, Nikki Reed, if you don’t stop pestering dearest Rob like you do all of the time. I might have to fly from London to Vancouver and protect him from your clutches! Or I could just stalk London for Mamma Pattz while he’s gone. Aw.

  • Jena

    ROTFLMAO! “Please come to my house to show me more of these. Also bring the iced tea and Dateline crew!”

  • where’s Kellen? These kids need the Bible!

    Dear Kstew’s blue peacoat,
    Were you stolen out of Ashley or Rachelle’s closet? Because its hard for me to believe that Kstew would pick something so fashionable like you out herself. Why don’t you leave Kristen and come live with me where you will truly be appreciated and accessorized with correctly. Never again will you be thrown together with that nasty indie-garage-sale-circa-1985-tee and HIDEOUS neon green skeleton gloves that belong in the boy’s section at walmart and matching barf-scarf!
    You’ll love it here with me I promise!

    anxiously awaiting your arrival,

  • Mrs McSparkle

    Please can someone link me to the fanfic, I am embarrassed too.

    But also intrigued.



  • jonettecullen

    I was totally excited to see the pics of Taylor practicing on the bike! It starting to feel real now, that we will actually see New Moon on the big screen in mere months!


    Ok I was completely creeped out by the underwear pic of Jacob..ugh he is just a boy (to me, to each his own eh)
    Now if I can just get thru the next “Robstacle” without being completely distracted…One day at a time … 🙂

  • Melody

    “nothing gets between him and his Calvins” haha I totally said that when I first saw that picture on JustJared.

  • Emily W

    *sigh* I’m kinda torn. I admire the way she sticks to her values and is her own person but she does alot of things where I’m literally thinking “Oh, Kristen. That was stupid”. But its at the same level of stupid as most kids her age are so its more out of concern for her image and the younger fans. I’m not hard on her because I remember dozens of people in high school (I graduated in a class of 2000+ seniors) and various other young celebs (Lindsey Lohan, Brittney Spears, Paris) that are far worse than she is. Until she’s even close to being that bad, I can’t bring myself to really come down hard on her. And I wasn’t even one of the people that partied it up in high school heh.

    On a side note, I got the giggles seeing that Taylor wore briefs. No wonder he got nervous and didn’t want to answer the boxer or briefs questions.

  • Emily W

    OMFG- Best second hand embarrassment EVER- Even her cat’s watchin her like shes crazy http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_B0vxrC2rA

  • JBell

    I highly doubt those are briefs… I’m thinking they’re boxer briefs, but seriously –

    Dear TayTay,
    Let’s take a hint from Rob and go to Duane Reade to get you some BLACK boxer briefs, mk?
    JBell (Your BFFL)

  • Sass

    Seems like someone is setting himself up for an atomic wedgie.

  • Sass

    Those neon green skeleton gloves? Blech. My 10 year old wouldn’t even wear them. Unless he was dressing up for Halloween.

  • vickyb

    BLECH! KStew and Nikki….so over you! Fake lesbians are so out…just ask Lil’lo.

  • I worship Taylor’s ass!!!!

  • ooh he wears calvin klein!!! :0

  • ohsnapitzme!

    i have no clue what website im on….
    any how, the legal drinking age is 18 in canada, everywhere…

  • Robin

    RL and YJ love the pics

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