The Unicorns may not like this convo…

Dear Stephanie Meyer,

We love you. Have we mentioned that? (Or is it obvious b/c we dedicate TONS of time from our EXTREMELY busy lives to blogging about Twilight?) We love your books. We love your storytelling. We don’t care that you overuse the word “irrevocably.” We don’t care that there wasn’t a major battle at the end of Breaking Dawn. We’re successful, independent, driven woman who know your book(s) aren’t meant to be anti-feminist. You had a dream about the most perfect man in the universe, and you wrote a bestselling series about it. We Get That.

What we don’t get is what happens when Bella gets her period? Does Edward just go away for 3-7 days? If so, where does he go? Or isn’t that blood appealing to him because it comes out of Bella’s “hoo-hoo” and that’s so sicknast? (holla Lauren’s Bite for that word) Or is it that much MORE appealing to him because it comes out of Bella’s “hoo hoo” and he wants to “tap that?” (Um, I need to re-read YOUR books because I just said “hoo-hoo” and “tap-that” in the same sentence which unfortunately resembles Fan-Fic rather than your beautiful, literary work(s).)

The person who made this marketing decision should be fired.

The person who made this marketing decision should be fired.

Are you wondering where this random question came from? Well, it might be because Moon found this wonderful advertisement for o.b. tampons featuring a vampire with tampons as his teeth.

Uh, we might want to check with the expert, Lauren, over at Lauren’s Bite, but I think we can also categorize this advertisement as sicknast.

So, we’d just like a little clarity on this issue because it really bothers us that the bloodthirsty perfect vampire, Edward, doesn’t seem to be bothered by Bella’s friendly neighborhood visitor who likes to come every 28 days or so.

Maybe Edward has a problem with Bella’s monthly visitor, but Rob Pattinson doesn’t seem to:

bloated-mama2bella

Love,
Us

“Sicknast” Source & thanks to Mama2Bella for the “Rob Porn

Reminder that you have until 7pm ET TONIGHT to enter our Twilight-Party-Pack Giveaway!

Update 3/18: Someone from o.b. tampons left us a comment saying: ‘I’d like to clarify that this image is not one of our advertisements; it was drafted by our ad agency in Switzerland and was rejected, as it does not reflect our values and standards.” Just an FYI! A vampire will not come after your hoo-hoo if you use their tampons!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store
  • JBell

    @UC – So you’re admitting to reading the FanFic, huh? “which unfortunately resembles Fan-Fic rather than your beautiful, literary work(s).” lol I KNEW it. Also, that advertisement = epic fail. I will never look at a tampon the same way again. Disturbing really.

  • http://adriennetrafford.blogspot.com adrienne

    i think that is a valid Twilight question and thanks for saying hoo-hoo and making me laugh out loud for like the millionth time!

  • Marama

    I think Stephanie Meyer gave a half assed answer to this awhile back.

    I am still wondering how Edward get sit up if his heart doesn’t beat.
    Therefore not pumping blood.
    Therefore impossible to get an erection.
    Just sayin’

    • http://letterstotwilight.wordpress.com unintendedchoice

      amazing. and you’re right.
      then again.. vampires don’t exist.. so she can make up whatever the hell she wants!

      we all know Rob gets it up. well .. I know that.
      :)

      • Marama

        I think we can all breathe a collective “Thank fuck!” for that
        =]

    • brummielover

      oooh oooh I know the answer to this one…ok wait let me think how to say this properly…lol a moment please. Right, so apparently S. Meyers vampires have “fluid” in all the same place that we mere mortals do it is just a different hot freakin powerful did I mention hot..yea right different kind of fluid..hence the sparkling is because of the fluid and cells behind the skin…anyways so see that is how…the baby was conceived blah…yea I wasn’t crazy about the whole baby thing…wanted it to just be the two of them Edward and Bella…oh didn’t mean to hop down that bunny trail…sorry :) hope that helped

    • trixi

      yeah me and my friend had a serious conversation about vampire erections yesterday in the middle of alfred angelo bridal salon while our other friend was picking out a wedding dress. we were trying to figure it out how it was possible. venomous vampire semen?

      • http://letterstotwilight.wordpress.com unintendedchoice

        That is amazing. i wish you had captured that convo on video (Also the bridal attendant’s face)

      • Emily W

        It couldn’t have been venomous or bella would’ve died… Stephanie gave a retarded answer to this once saying something about women’s ability to have children essentially freezing when they become vamps because they no longer release eggs but men still ejaculating. I don’t think she knew her anatomy and physics of sex very well…

        • Briar Rose

          Exactly, I mean in Breaking Dawn she has to change out her contacts that cover her red eyes for Charlie like every 30 minutes because her venom is melting them. So wouldn’t venomous vampire spew like melt a human from the inside out? Just sayin. . . .

  • AmourPSU

    I had this debate with a good friend of mine after reading the third book. Somehow it finally dawned on me that Stephenie never writes about Bella getting her period. How could Edward resist and moreover, does she stay away from Edward’s house during this time since Jasper has little will power? My friend, as she did throughout the books, told me there are things that one just has to accept in this imaginary world created by Stephenie. For example, while the Cullens are in school, they would come across girls who have their periods all the time. And did no one ever not get a papercut while in class? Perhaps Alice could foresee someone getting a paper cut and avoid that class, but I’m sure the probability of at least one girl in each class with Aunt Flo visiting is pretty high.

    I did read somewhere online (perhaps Q&A sessions on Twilight Lexicon) that Stephenie Meyers said that it would bother Edward when Bella was “riding the crimson tide” (anyone know what movie that’s from?) but he would be too much a gentleman to say anything. I hear you Stephenie, but I don’t buy it!

    • Melissa

      “i was surfing the crimson wave, i had to haul a** to the ladies.”.i can unfortunately quote the movie in its entirety.

      • brummielover

        HAHA Clueless

    • AmourPSU

      Forgot to mention in my post about her shaving her legs. It seems that Bella never does it until the 4th book. We all know that as a disabling klutz, Bella surely would have nicked her legs while shaving on several occasions.

      • Emily W

        Haha- thats true. Supposedly he gets used to her scent though and it doesn’t bother him anymore eventually. She also said something about the menstrual blood being essentially dead blood and thus less appealing to him.

  • http://www.twilightheaded.com Spank Ransom

    I cannot even believe that someone actually thought it was a good idea to use TAMPONS as vampire teeth! I hate myself for laughing at it.

  • Melissa

    thank you, UC and Moon, for taking on the big questions..

    • http://letterstotwilight.wordpress.com unintendedchoice

      you’re welcome. that’s our commitment to you: tackling the questions that everyone wants to ask but is to afraid to bring up.
      we’re hard-core reporters

      • brummielover

        hard-core also hard·core (härdkôr, -kr)
        adj.
        1. Intensely loyal; die-hard: a hard-core secessionist; a hard-core Twilighter.
        2. Stubbornly resistant to improvement or change: hard-core obsession.
        3. Extremely graphic or explicit: hard-core fanfic.

  • http://tracifishbowl.blogspot.com traci

    please tell me that’s not a REAL ad that is going to be placed in REAL magazines? holy hell that’s just bad.

    i remember reading somewhere that when SM was asked this very question @ fan Q&A gatherings her response was “oh gross”. haha.

    However, it is a valid question, right? I mean….they even talk about Bella’s tampons in Breaking Dawn (the box was packed in her suitcase…..).

    hmmm…..

  • Samantha

    I think Stephenie had a dream about this website and knew that one day you would ask this question…

    This is actually answered over on the Twilight Lexicon by Stephenie… This is her answer. http://www.twilightlexicon.com/?p=35

    Several girls wanted to know if Edward would have a more difficult time being around Bella when she’s having her period. Answer: Yes, a little bit, but he would never say anything about it–much too much of a gentleman. And Bella would be way to embarrassed to ask. (It’s not the same as a cut, though. It’s sort of “dead” blood, if you get my meaning).

  • vickyb

    ha ha. I love that you answer all the questions I am secretly thinking. Of course no one ever mentions the tampons or leg shaving until book four but another thing SM never mentions is Edward showering…oops did I just give myself away?! I totally read some fan fic last night…and I think I liked it! :)

  • http://davidandmalia.blogspot.com malia

    rob looks like he might be on a period himself in that picture…just sayin..

  • Charlee

    That ad makes me is horrible…nuff said!!

  • Pamela

    Oh thank goodness I’m not the only person that has wondered this! I thought I was a major sicko.

  • Emmes

    That ad is way too funny, my guess is there are some twi-ad executives out there…Some big deal ad agency with a couple of female designers who were given free reign on the O.B. account, cause non of their male coworkers wanted to tackle the campaign. They were probably eating twilight conversation hearts, having a convo about Bella’s clumsiness, surfing LTR , Lauren’s Blog, Robsessed , etc. , and pufff….they had a moment of inspiration…hence the vampire ad.

  • Tigerlily

    The ad: OMFG, NO.
    So, “ob: Sucks blood up harder than a vampire.” Or is it a user guide for how to manage cunnilingus during your period?
    I think I’m going to have a disturbing dream about that photo.

  • http://www.laurensbite.blogspot.com Lauren

    So, here is the BIG question…

    By having an ad that has a MALE vampire with TWO tampons as fangs….is that implying that the male vampire has TWO “hoo-hoos” in his gums?

    Yes. I just went there.

    • http://letterstotwilight.wordpress.com unintendedchoice

      that could probably be class 3 on the sicknastometer

      • http://www.laurensbite.blogspot.com Lauren

        I am kinda frightened that you posted the same reply as my second comment…AT THE SAME TIME.

        Were we separated at birth…4 years apart?

        • http://letterstotwilight.wordpress.com unintendedchoice

          no silly! i saw that comment and used your rating scale that you sent me on that super secret sicknastometer document

  • http://www.laurensbite.blogspot.com Lauren

    “Uh, we might want to check with the expert, Lauren, over at Lauren’s Bite, but I think we can also categorize this advertisement as sicknast.”

    And yes, my friends….that would be categorized as a Class 4 sicknast…on my sicknastometer.

  • Wendy

    Oh thank you UC, you are like the voice of my subconscience. I’ve pondered this question many times, but was too embarrassed to ask it.

  • http://www.laurensbite.blogspot.com Lauren

    Here is Stephenie’s answer from a Personal Correspondence with the Twilight Lexicon:

    “Several girls wanted to know if Edward would have a more difficult time being around Bella when she’s having her period. Answer: Yes, a little bit, but he would never say anything about it–much too much of a gentleman. And Bella would be way to embarrassed to ask. (It’s not the same as a cut, though. It’s sort of “dead” blood, if you get my meaning).”

    • brummielover

      yeaaaaa “dead blood” ok…listen I am so crazy about Edward and Bella…I will believe whateva Momma Meyers has to say hahaha

    • http://davidandmalia.blogspot.com malia

      What a classy lady that Stephenie is

      She answers it so straightforward and honestly while our minds run elsewhere…

      and lauren, what the two hoo haas in the mouth? hahah

  • SuzieQ

    I’ve wondered about this one.. and in my fantasy X-rated version Edward digs it, cause then he can have a little taste. :)~

    • Mrs. P.

      I have to admit, I thought this would be a nice way around the whole, “I’m gonna havve to kill you to taste your blood” thing too….

  • http://aydenkaial.blogspot.com Ayden

    UC, Moon- In case I haven’t said it lately, I <3 you. Seriously. The fact that you two not only found the tampon vampire, but posted it here alongside the period breakdown is sheer brilliance.

    • http://letterstotwilight.wordpress.com unintendedchoice

      you don’t like that we said “hoo-hoo?” cuz tha’ts my fav…

  • Mrs. P.

    it is Soooo funny that you are talking about this! I’m gald someone else isn’t afraid to get *ahem*down and Dirty.
    After I finally got my sisters to read twilight at Christmas, the first thing one sister did is call me asking “What in the HELL does he do when she gets her period??”
    I didn’t have an answer for her, so I referred her to Stephenie’s site, and to the Lexicon, but as most of you found the answer left us feeling *ahem* unfulfilled, so here’s hoping Steph reads these site, and answers the BURNING questions of the MATURE reader…if not, well I know I’ve read a fanfic about this recently……

    • SuzieQ

      oooo.. link pretty please?

  • http://www.joebendesigns.wordpress.com Amber

    So, I’m glad we are talking about this, cause lets face it…its a question that must be answered.

    But here is my thing, that’s great that he a gentleman and all that, but it doesn’t answer the whole Jasper, who is weak and in a high school full of girls with their “visitors”, is able to avoid this. It just doesn’t seem likely.

  • ourlosophy

    LOL that is the best Rob porn I’ve seen yet!!! I DIED laughing. Dear Jesus he looks amazing.

  • Andrea

    that ad is deeply disturbing lol

  • Emily W

    Totally off topic, but could anyone send me the audio commentary from the dvd? Letters to rob gets sooo many comments that by the time I’m able to check it it’s pages and pages of commentary. My email is emmy_is_special@yahoo.com

    Oh- and I found this AMAZING fan fic a few days ago. I’m totally addicted. http://angstgoddess003.livejournal.com/

    • SuzieQ

      Emily.. it’s on Robsessed

  • http://spreadhopelikefire.wordpress.com Jordan

    ok, yeah, that ad is AWFUL, lol – like Spank Ransom said, I hate myself for laughing at it

    @ Marama – “Thank Fuck!” slayed me

    @ UC – Ya know, the VERY first thing I noticed on this post was that Stephenie’s name was misspelled – i also hate myself for being a grammar nerd. and, for the “overused words” collection, next time, don’t forget to throw in “murmur” and “breathe” (nothin’ but love, SM – i mean that out of love! lol)

    • http://letterstotwilight.wordpress.com unintendedchoice

      i always forget if it’s Stephanie or Stephenie, & i’m usually too sleepy by the time i’m posting to google it. but i will NEVER make that mistake again! b/c i’ll never forget the guy who commented on our period poste :)

      • http://spreadhopelikefire.wordpress.com Jordan

        haha, awesome – i do what i can ;-)

  • http://www.momofthreecrazykids.blogspot.com Valerie

    Oh my, this cracks me up! Love that pick of rob, but it’s also kinda freaks me out!

  • Genevieve

    @UC- Loved this one today! Question is s/t that I’ve wondered about too. Glad s/o else went there. LOL!
    ‘hoo-hoo’ and ‘tap-that’ (SOLID!)
    <3 you gals! (put up a comment about it over at LTR)
    ur most devoted fan (next to uknowwho)!

  • http://www.lulaville.com Leigh Anne

    There are no words.

    Seriously. And y’all know that’s rare for me.

  • marimo

    There’s a fanfic out there called “The List” that deals with this very topic. It borders on gross, actually.

    You see, Bella gets her period and stains her panties. She then leaves said panties on Edward’s bed for him to find. He gets terribly excited by her stained panties, and calls Bella for some sexy time on the phone. She instructs him to wrap the stained panties around his peen and jerk off. So he does.

    But wait, there’s more! Alice and Rosalie helpfully hint to Bella that maybe Edward would actually like a taste of all this “at the source”. So then they’re in the shower, Aunt Flo is still visiting, and she has him taste it. Thankfully, he doesn’t drink directly from the source, but licks it off his fingers instead. But still. Ew.

    Sorry I got so detailed with the synopsis.

    • samantha

      oh man, um…ew. a friend saw the look on my face while i was reading the fanfic synopsis you gave and he laughed his ass off. and i felt far too uncomfortable to tell him what i was reading! lol :)

    • http://letterstotwilight.wordpress.com unintendedchoice

      wow! i don’t know what to say!

  • Emily W

    *bounces* Finally got my dvd commentary! Link to it is here: http://www.robsessedpattinson.com/2009/03/twilight-dvd-commentary-leaked.html and a compilation of it is here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hfPsLikIj-4

  • http://jamaicaprincess.blogspot.com/ Jamaican Princess

    OMG what were they thinking! who came up with that marketing strategy?? >< major FAIL! this was a funny post I myself have thought of that same question!

  • http://www.twilight.finaldesire.org Kate

    OMG, I’ve always wondered what happens when she gets her period. How freaking weird.. We should ask Stephenie about that one. If ever possible :)

  • Teresa Panas

    I’d like to clarify that this image is not one of our advertisements; it was drafted by our ad agency in Switzerland and was rejected, as it does not reflect our values and standards.
    – Teresa Panas from the maker of o.b. tampons

    • http://letterstotwilight.wordpress.com unintendedchoice

      thanks teresa!

  • http://86rabbit.wordpress.com ’86 Rabbit

    I too thought about this, but shrugged the lack of explanation off. Besides the fact that menstrual blood is not just blood, it doesn’t smell the same as regular blood (at least not to me), so I think it wouldn’t taste the same either. I think we have to assume it’s not at all appealing to vampires or Jasper would not be able to go to school at all. You have to figure that at least a quarter of the girls are on the rag at all times. Jazz would go ape shit daily.

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  • Jane

    Oh wow… I thought I was some sicko for wondering this and I’m glad others have wondered too. Ha.. Ha.. Can someone please post the link for “The List”. It sounds soooo gross, but I kinda wanna see how it is.

    • http://letterstotwilight.wordpress.com unintendedchoice

      is the list fan fic? you might want to post your question on tomorrow’s post either here or on letterstorob.com someone might not look back this far! i don’t have that link, sorry :(

  • Jane

    Oh… Does ANYONE have the link??? i’ve been looking for it…..

  • Jane

    Ya.. it is fan fic… but its not on fanfiction.net

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  • Liz

    i’d say maybe she’s on the pill where you only get your period 3 months a year or something, but that’s obviously not the case or there would be no renesmee lol

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  • http://letterstotwilight.com unintendedchoice

    AH- i love this old one!!

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