When you were spotted by the paps at LAX arriving from Vancouver, I couldn’t help but notice you were wearing a ring on your left ring finger. While the left hand ring finger is usually reserved for a wedding ring, I have known a few instances where the norm is broken. In your case:
- Is this your promise ring to Jackson? I know right now is not a practical time to date each other because Jax is too busy with Monkey girls in Monkey hats at his 100Monkey’s shows, and you’ve been quoted as saying your “boyfriend” is your “career” right now. But perhaps you two have promised to be together someday
this is a secret message about saving yourself for Rob
- Or is that the True Love Waits ring you picked up at your most recent abstinence conference? Don’t deny that you attended one. I know you try to trick us with your slutty photo shoots for Maxim mag, but we’re on to you. We caught you in a time of prayer with your accountability partners, Dakota and Kristen, in Italy the other week, and we haven’t even had time to discuss Kellan and your plans for the fall- attending the “Flatline” conference in Texas where the mission is to “bridge the gaps between the generations [of women] by encouraging and taking an everyday interest by investing in everyday lives” Uh, What the hale I mean clearly Kellan has been rubbing off on you with all his Purpose Driven Life reading- or maybe it was you who bought him the book in the first place. Let me guess, you guys have matching “True love Waits” necklaces (I’ve seen the necklace cord Kellan drives to hide under his purple tank tops)
While I’m a little shocked to find out you’re saving your v-card for that someone special, I’m also quite proud of you. You’re a smokin’ hot chick, and I’m glad to know you’re not giving it up to everyone random male ho who asks.
Save it for Jackson,
PS: Thom Yorke wants to sing you a song:
-Moon tricked me. She promised she’d recap her night with Sam Bradley, but instead wrote some other nonsense. I demand a story about Sam Bradley NOW, MOON! LTR