Speculation Thursday – Moon makes the case for Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart: NOT together!

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Dear Kristen and Rob-

Last week my pal UC put on a brave face, sucked up her pride and posted the Speculation Thursday (though it was on Wednesday) post that she thought you may be together. As much as it pained both of us to see that in writing, we had to present the Pro Robsten side of the argument. But never fear, I am here with this week’s Speculation Thursday (on Thursday!) where I’m going to present the Non Robsten side! Cause I look at you two and I’m like, they CANNOT be together, the stoner and the nerd? No way.

If you’ll indulge me I’d like to treat this as a trial, and court is now in session*! The honorable Stephenie Meyer proceeding. Today we will be hearing the case of:

Robsten vs NonRobsten, in the court of public opinion

Opening statement:
Much has been said and speculated about you two over the last few weeks and now having some time to gather evidence and look at the facts I think we can be certain about a few things: Kristen and Oregano are not together and Kristen and Rob are in fact, NOT together. Snogged and hooked up? Sure! But together? No! I ask that the jury keep an open mind as we speculate our way through another Thursday.

Enter into the court room the Evidence…

 

01. The Charlie Hotel / The Morning After – UC cited this story and these pictures as her main turning point. But I have a different take on this much bally-hooed “secret goodbye photos” and “secret rendezvous hotel bungalows” nonsense… I did some research too on The Charlie and there are multiple bungalows in which bungalows also have multiple rooms! Amazing how this works, huh? It’s not uncommon for stars to get ready for awards shows in hotel rooms, Summit’s footing the bill, why not? And you’ve got the room paid for for the night, might as well come back and party after the show, right? I know where you’re going to go with this: “but Moon they were in the SAME bungalow! Ron, the underpaid dude at the front desk, told the shady paparazzo from X17 who palmed him a 50 it was true.” Riiiight. And, if I even believe that they were in the same bungalow, my research tells me that again, SURPRISE, there are bungalows with more than one room in them. I’ve stayed in rooms with guy friends, it’s totally possible. And who knows maybe she was wasted drunk from the dinner beforehand when they decided to go back and party? Maybe they smoked a bol and she passed out on that cute striped chair from the pictures of The Charlie. And then the next day her Mom came to pick up her hung over self and hug Rob for being such a good guy and looking out for poor little Kristen. And no kiss was ever photographed.

Follow the cut to hear the rest of the case!!! (Seriously do it!)

A few days later we get our next piece of evidence…

 

02. Kristen wearing Oregano’s shirtIf Kristen and Rob are together WHY would you wear the shirt of your EX boyfriend whom has either dumped you, you dumped or you have cheated on? When I think about break ups, if I dumped someone or I cheated on them WHY would I ever want to wear their shirt again? The ONLY reason you’d wear that shirt is because you want them back or you miss them. And WHY would you want them back or you missed them?

because…

03. Kristen and Michael are NOT together anymore – I’m almost 200% sure that you, Kristen and Oregano are NOT together anymore because: Oregano has NOT been seen with Kristen since late April when theses pics were taken nor since she has been home in LA for over a week. Oregano is NOT listed as filming anything on IMDB rendering him out of town. This leads me to believe there was lame 19 year old drama and either he broke up with her or she broke up with him. I’m leaning towards the former BECAUSE Kristen has not been seen with Nikki Reed either since around the same time. We know that Oregano and Nikki have been friends since Lords of Dogtown and this is how Nikki probably became friends with Kristen, through the Oregano connection. So,  Nikki of course feels torn but ultimately can’t be BFF with KStew because of the friendship with Oregano.

Or even worse Nikki and Oregano have had biblical relations and completely broke Kristen’s heart. THUS leaving Kristen alone and with no super close friends. So who does she have to turn to? Who’s close by and willing to lend an ear and a shoulder to cry on in Vancouver and Italy? That’s right, her trusty costar Robert Pattinson.

Bada Bing, Bada Boom

It’s at this point in the scenario when I start to feel really bad for you, Kstew: your boy dumped your ass, and that hussy Nikki Reed may be boinking your boyfriend and is, for good reason, no longer your BFF. You lost your boyfriend AND your best friend. This is SO messed up!

Now the court calls to the stand witnesses and costars: Peter Facinelli, Kellan Lutz and director Catherine Hardwicke

04. None of your costars or friends think it’s true

Peter, may I call you that? Please explain to Ms Chelsea Handler (I love you Chelsea!) if Rob and Kristen are together or not…

3:14
Thank you Peter, no further questions.

Next to the stand, Kellan Lutz… please let us know what’s happening between Kristen and Rob, in your own words
[kyte.tv appKey=MarbachViewerEmbedded&uri=channels/79356/467781&tbid=k_6223&premium=true&height=500&width=425]
Thank you Kellan, no further questions. Oh and meet me after court for our personal bible study.

Single and ready to mingle boys!!

Single and ready to mingle boys!!

Next the court calls to the stand the cougar-iest cougar of them all… director Cathy Hardwicke.

Money… sex… Money… sex… CAT, why don’t you tell us about Rob and Kristen dating…

“People love to talk, so let them have fun talking,” Catherine Hardwicke said. “I think they have an interesting, wonderful connection, so you know…What does dating mean? I don’t know. I couldn’t say.”

Ah yes, most eloquently put Cathy… you are dismissed and please hands off the bailiff as you exit the stand. Thank you!

And for our final witness the court calls Mr. Robert Thomas Pattinson to the stand

 

05. Rob and his BFF and boyfriend for life have a heart-to-heart

*Blank wild eyed stare* SILENCE *Rob and Judge Meyer clear their throat* Oh uh… yes… uh well hello Mr. I mean uh Ron, uh ROB! Uh why don’t you fuck tell me… uh tell the jury what you were overheard telling your friend Tom Sturridge this week in New York City… *faints*

“I need to stay away from women born after 1988…” And Moon is the girl of my dreams!

Thank you Rob, no further questions and here’s my house key

06. Rob and Kristen have not been seen or photographed together since the “Morning After” The Charlie incident - Kristen has been photographed every day since The Charlie except for Saturday, Sunday and Wednesday. All other days she has been seen out and about preparing for her Joan Jett role, getting her hairs cut and being the DD and taking an underage Dakota to a Hollywood party.

Rob has been photographed last Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday,  Sunday, and Monday.So unless one of them is a shape shifter or time traveler they have not been seen together or out of LA or NY to see each other. If they were in fact together I believe we would have seen one of them visiting the other but alas we are treated to new budding BFF’s Dakota and Kristen and the eternal bromance of Robstu

Now I beg the court to throw out this random evidence on grounds of complete absurdity or a total lie:

  • Delicious vinyl tshirt? DEBUNKED by Twicrack! Besides it’s like 5 sizes too small to fit them both. Dismissed!

Closing argument:
Ladies and Unicorns of the jury… from gray shirts to rendezvous’s at the Charlie to losing your best friend, the story of Robsten has more twists and turns than Alice and Jasper on the dance floor at the prom. But as you can see, I’ve laid out the evidence carefully and walked through each scenario to show you that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart simply cannot be together! And honestly I feel as though Kristen and Rob are the type of people who wouldn’t give two craps if anyone knew that they were together. If they were together, they’d be together: no hiding, no secret hotels. Also do not believe the lie about the big bad monster Summit keeping them apart. You KNOW they are eating this up with a spoon, the more people talk and speculate the more their movies get press. Why wouldn’t they want the art imitates life angle with a real life Edward and Bella? The evidence speaks for itself and the truth will no longer be silenced! I ASK YOU, JURY, TO FIND THESE PEOPLE INNOCENT! Innocent of being friends with benefits and nothing more!

The prosecution rests…

Case Closed! (click that!!)

Respectfully Submitted,
Themoonisdown, Esquire

So how will YOU the jury vote? Together or not?

PS Thanks for all the help from my bipartisan team of researchers: Calli, Kristin and UC

Not a Robsten believer either? Join the Non Robsten topic on The Forum!

Don’t miss out on UC and I being rendered speechless over at LTR

*I know next to zilch about the legal/court system so please excuse any errors in my attempt at hilarity*

  • K_InTheFlo

    I’m still deliberating. The fact that she wore a NYC T-shirt right after he left can NOT be a coincidence. And the Vinyl shirt could have been a gift from RP because she loved it so much.
    And the smiles – Shit – we’ve never seen her don the smiles she’s been giving the paps. I think It’s weighing over to them being real -Robsten.
    But That was so entertaining..music end hit and all. I may just become a Non-Robsten believer beacuse you wowed me so much!
    Nicely Done!

  • hunnieb

    sheer genius yet again! thank you so much for re-establishing my faith in rob that he’s still available for a late night rendezvous w/ me ;)

  • Mrs. P.

    AMEN, AMEN, and AMEN to all Points!!!
    and a
    Halleluyer
    for good measure!

    • themoonisdown

      sing it sister

  • Verity

    I want to believe it…yet i do not. Good arguments though Moon. PS if i ever need a lawyer i can call you right?

  • Joyce

    poor deluded soul

    • themoonisdown

      you or me?

  • MariaM

    I am NonRobsten all the way…. thank God for this post. I’ve been searching all over the net for other nonrobsten’s and this is the place.

    • themoonisdown

      hands across america people, united we stand

  • BC

    Keep dreaming. They are sooo together. That is not oregano’s shirt. They have similar shirts but if you are a kstew fan you know that she’s been wearing that shirt during the filming of Welcome to the Rileys. Proof http://justjared.buzznet.com/2008/10/27/kristen-stewart-sheer-madness/. I’ve read that Oregano’s shirt actually has white buttons, Her shirt has black buttons. Too lazy to find the picture. So he could be the (cough) F*g and be wearing his Gf’s shirt. That’s her shirt. Case closed.

    • themoonisdown

      buttons? we’re really hinging a relationship on BUTTONS?

  • Calliope

    Dearest Moon,
    my eyes see two things… kristen is not with oregano and kristen and rob shagged. therefore, i am content to ignore the hogwash and enjoy the veracity of those two statements.

    with love,
    Calli

    P.S. I really thought i was gonna get on here and see you attempting to construe my words ala Star Magazine into me saying that robsten didn’t exist. but you played it fair my friend. you played it fair. hehe.

    • themoonisdown

      of course! though i do have it all copied with our signature for future usage of blackmail. FYI. don’t step outta line ;)

  • YellowSun

    I Love LTR and LTT, but this post and most of the commenters are delusional if they think Robsten is not on. That’s your evidence? Multiple bedroom bungalows, weak cast denials and an old shirt from MA? Please you’re going to have to do better than that. If I had time I’d present the evidence, but I don’t so you just need to do some logical thinking and use your eyeballs instead of grasping at straws.

    • http://letterstotwilight.wordpress.com unintendedchoice

      haha this made me laugh!!!

    • themoonisdown

      so i guess you enjoyed LAST weeks speculation

  • Calliope

    p.s.

    to all those wondering where in the world nikki is… fear no more… FOUND HER!
    http://i735.photobucket.com/albums/ww353/calliope_images/nikkireedprego01.jpg
    it’s Oregano’s. duh. hence why the two of them are hiding.

    p.p.s.obvs… i joke. i mean no offense to nikki i’m sure she’s a lovely person. just like ebola is a lovely person.

    p.p.p.s don’t i have mad photoshop skills? haha.

    • http://letterstotwilight.wordpress.com unintendedchoice

      this is so gross and amazing, calli!!!

    • themoonisdown

      SO wrong calli! hahahaha almost like pregnant man hands bella pic!

  • AJ

    Hmm.. Interesting. All the points make sense, but I can’t shake the feeling that somethings there. I really want to believe nothing is going on, but they can’t visit eachother, they both have other movies going on, I think Kristen would wear Michaels shirt for lack of wardrobe reasons (seriously she needs more clothes) over sentimental reasons. I don’t know!

  • Victoria

    That was hilarious! and the Case Closed at the end hahaha. I totally agree with you. They’re not together. If they were together, they would give a shit and show themselves together. I think they would never be together beacause of all the Edward-Bella pressure. And the hole Oregano-Reed-Stewart thing.. I don’t know. Poor Kstew if everyone leave her.

  • Victoria

    ps. But I do still think they’re friend with benefits. ;)

  • Rachel

    Oh my goodness. I loved this. Haha, you are hilarious with all this. I love LTT and LTR. Keep it up! :D

  • Melanie

    this was great you guys seriously make my day!

  • Amanda

    But I’m sure if Michael cheated on her with her best friend she wouldn’t be wearing his shirt! She’d be pretty much finito with him and all of his stuff. She would had to have caused the split somehow, maybe another reason to believe the “friends with benefits” thing with her and Rob. Lol my speculation based on no facts what-so-ever.

  • Erin

    My thoughts on the night after the awards.. KStew came over to practice her guitar skills for her new role.. Rob showed her how to hold it, caress it, and strum the right chords.. that said, Moon and UC you make my day! I shouldn’t admit to this, but I make sure I read your postings before I even open my work emails in the morning. It just helps me make it through my days! Thanks

    • http://letterstotwilight.wordpress.com unintendedchoice

      i read our postings before I do any work too!!!

  • http://86rabbit.wordpress.com ’86 Rabbit

    Nice!

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  • http://unknowntheartist.wordpress.com unknowntheartist

    i think they aren’t together and i think you are right, by now mike is way outta the picture… what annoys me is this- is nikki goin after all these dudes around kristen? here’s hopin’ there’s no “rosalie” attitude coming on there…

  • bobbygee

    This is really cool. it is very funny and a hoot. Check out my blog. It’s different and refreshing. Bobby Gee
    http://bobbygee.wordpress.com/

  • dazzledtodeath

    Thank you, thank you for this post…I cracked up at the Law & Order noise-that makes it official for me. Now I’m happy:).

    And if there was any attraction on Rob’s part, that hideous Joan Jett ‘do should knock some sense into him.

  • http://twitter.com/Never_jen_land Jen

    Now that’s what I like to read!
    Brilliant.

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  • Valerie

    “and please hands off the bailif as you exit the stand.”

    Lol, that was made of total win.

  • kate

    ON MY GOD YOU ARE SOOO BLIND OR IS IT YOU DONT WANT TO SEE THE OBVIOUS????? YEA RIGHT THEY SPENT 2 NIGHTS IN A ROMANTIC HOTEL AND YOU KEEP TELLING THAT THEY ARE JUST FRIENDS??????/ DID YOU SEE THE VIDEO WHEN ROB GOES CLOSE TO THE MINI AND DOSENT WANT TO LEAVE??? ON YEA RIGHT ITS HER MOM THE PERSON HE DOSENT WANT TO LEAVE. PLEASEEEEE OPEN YOUR EYES

    • http://letterstotwilight.wordpress.com unintendedchoice

      fine you’ve convinced me. your meanness has

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  • Ian

    Occam’s Razor, puhleeze? The simplest explanation is often the correct one. And the simplest explanation is UC’s, i.e. last week’s speculation. ;)

  • Kasey

    I don’t understand. i thought you were like totally for Rob and Kristen..

    whatever.

  • angelica

    I was very methodical… and entertaining…. lol
    Now I understand money, sex and …cat.
    That is what’ s happening with this soap opera…
    I agree with you> They are not together. She can’t stand crowds and saying rptzn = multitude of crazy fans.
    I really want he can find a brave girl to sand up next to him, love ad support him. Maybe Camille or who knows???

  • http://cstuffstudio.blogspot.com Clarissa

    I love this! I lol-ed (yep I typed that) for a long time.
    You wouldn’t believe how long I’ve looked for Non-Robsten stuff.

    This is totally awesome.

  • TRICKERY

    BUT WAIT—
    YOU SAID THEY WERE “INNOCENT OF BEING JUST FRIENDS”…
    THAT MEANS THEY ARE GUILTY OF BEING MORE THAN FRIENDS.
    SO THEREFORE THEY ARE GUILTY OF BOINKING.

    AH HA!
    THE DEFESE RESTS.

    • http://unknowntheartist.wordpress.com unknowntheartist

      aah, the “defese” rests but what about the DEFENSE, hmmm? some more wordplay, perhaps?

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  • ciara

    excuse me? i am a HUGE ROBSTEN FAN! and i that is what you call a specu-fukin-lation? ok i gotta hand it to you fellow robsten hater…robsten are i repeat ARE together and i can’t wait for comic con.
    you can’t just say rob and kris aren’t together when there are thousands of fans who believe in them thats just mean. i am sooooo pro robsten.

  • Brinaaa.

    hahahahah completely genius!
    i vote not together…however!…
    i believe they’ll get together it the future!
    =)

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