It's a Twilight Father's Day
To all the Twilight daddy’s: Carlisle Cullen, Billy Black, Charlie, Harry Clearwater, Big-Daddy Lautner & Edward,
A big HAPPY FATHER’S DAY to the whole group of you from Moon & I. We love you all so much, we couldn’t pick one fav to write to today so we’re writing to you all (just kidding, Big Daddy-Lautner, you know you’re our fav). Actually your kids are writing to you because we have our own daddys to take care of (although ours aren’t as cool as a vampire, Native American, cop or McDonald’s spokesperson…)
Enjoy your day! Go on over to Harry’s and grill out with his famous fish fry!
<3, UC & Moon
Edward: Thank you for saving me from the Spanish Influenza & capturing my 17 year old perfection for eternity. Thank you for your encouragement to stay strong and not kill my beloved Bella &, of course, for the rockin’ sex tips. Although next time, I’d prefer it if you’d not get so detailed on how much Esme, my mother, likes to do that there.
Rosalie: Thank you, Carlisle, for changing my darling Emmett after he was attacked by that bear. I’ll be honest I’m not crazy about how all that shit when down with Edward. Why the hell didn’t you prep him first and convince him to love me? Also, I’ll deep down hate you forever for turning me into a vampire in the first place. Couldn’t you have let me die? F*ck y Oh yeah, this isn’t about me. Happy Father’s day Dad…
Emmett: Thanks for my smokin’ hot girl, Rose. And for that tip on how much mom likes that there- now Rose does too!
Alice & Jasper: (UC note: Uh, we couldn’t exactly find Alice & Jasper…. seems Jasper may have recently had a conversation with you, Carlisle? Something about something somewhere…..?)
Carlisle might be the reason we have Edward & so we’re the most grateful to him, but he’s not the only daddy! See all the other letters after the jump!
Jacob: Yo’ dad. You’re da bomb! Thanks for ‘keepin’ it real’ and ‘gettin’ down the kids.’ Even though it’s really embarrassing and basically ruins my game with the girls (or one in particular….) Anyway, I love you man, and I’m so glad we have each other- I hope you’ll be ‘still dancin’ for a long time to come.
Bella: Thanks for being a great dad, Charlie: For not shooting Edward with that gun when you first met him…For letting me run away from home despite being only 17 years old and it being late at night. For allowing me to marry Edward even though I was just a teenager. And for barely even having a freak-out and actually buying the story Carlisle told you of me having a sickness when I was actually preggers with a half-vampire baby. Oh, and for trusting Jacob, even after he transformed into a wolf in front of you. You seemed to just chalk it up as something normal (“That’s Normal,” you said). Oh! And for the purple bedspread… “Purple’s cool.”
Dear Harry Clearwater,
Seth & Leah: Dad we miss you. And your famous fish fry. Can’t wait to see you again someday. PS: A “pale face” is boinking mom.
Taylor: Dad, today you get a day off! Yep, that’s right. Today is yours. You don’t have to worry about watching out for me. Do whatever you like- Feel like driving thru McDonalds for breakfast, lunch and dinner? I’m not gonna stop you. Want to grab a late night frosty and some fries to dip in it at Wendy’s? Be my guest! Even if you set your alarm for 3 am and drive 35 miles to the closest 24 hour Arbys for their curly fries, I won’t say a thing. I promise to not pester you about your weight for an entire day- in fact you won’t hear from me at all today. (No, I won’t be with a Disney chick- I learned my lesson last time- they’re all talk- no play) Monday we’re back on the treadmill though, okay? Cuz I just know sometime soon on the night I finally get a girl to hack the hog, I’m gonna get interrupted with the “heart-attack” call. I’m not saying I won’t be by your bedside in the hospital, Dad, I’m just saying I’m gonna be pretty pissed (and not to mention horny). Happy Dad’s Day, Big Daddy. Love you like a fat girl loves, well, like you love Fish-o-filet sammys….
It’s us again (UC & Moon) Ya know, since Reneeseme can’t talk. But since she can communicate with touch, we’re going to do the same… So if you’d hold really still…we’re just going to try one thing…
Happy Father’s Day to all the Unicorns too!
Dick Pattinson gets his very own letter over on LTR
The Forum is a fun place for dads!
Tags: , Alice Cullen, arbys, bella swan, big-daddy lautner, Billy Black, Carlisle Cullen, Charlie Swan, cop, edward cullen, Emmett Cullen, father's day, filet-o-fish lautner, Harry Clearwater, heart-attack, jacob black, Jasper Hale, leah clearwater, McDonald's spokesperson, McDonalds, Native American, pale face, reneeseme, rosalie cullen, seth clearwater, Taylor Lautner, taylor lautner's dad, Twilight, vampires, Wendys