Step right up to the Circus sideshow: Twilight Tattooed Freaks!

Dear Twi-hards,

Your enthusiasm, commitment and devotion to this saga continues to baffle and amaze me. Though I’m probably up there in terms of  enthusiasm, heck I blog about this EVERY day, I don’t know if my enthusiasm comes anywhere close to some fans I’ve seen. We all show our love for Twilight in different ways, passing the books on to a friend so they can become addicted (aka spreading the virus so you’re not alone!), creating your own New Moon trailer with your creepy husband while the cat wonders wtf is going on, or even getting a Twilight inspired tattoo. Now the Twi-tatt is by far the highest level of commitment out there and not for the faint of heart or SHY. I mean you’re going to be stuck with this thing for the rest of eternity and will forever be explaining why you have a tattoo of a shriveled up tulip on your boob of the face of a guy who kinda looks like Jimmy Neutron lost in the shire on your bicep.

The great thing about Twi-Tatts is that most will inevitably be some sort of embarrassing and if we’re (meaning those of us who love and make fun of the twi-dom on a daily basis) lucky; awesomely terrible! So in honor of Monday Funnies let’s take a gander at some Twi-tatts that somehow went very verrrry wrong.

The Cullen family crest- this is a big offender in my book because it’s not even official, it’s from the movie! That’d be like getting the quote “hold on tight spider monkey” or a portrait of Buttcrack Santa (my dream tatt).
cullencrestbackpiece
Grandma’s gonna be so confused when you get married… “but honey, I thought Steve’s last name was Steverson, not Cullen. Who is this Cullen boy?”

crestleg
Goes great with your Chico’s capris

Next up we have the popular quote-style tattoos where folks get their favorite passage tattooed on intimate body parts. With Stephenie Meyer being such a great writer I can see why you’d want those words around forever. Heh. Most people get the obvious stuff: “be safe” “and so the lion fell in love with the lamb” etc. If it was me I’d probably something like “I had an adrenaline rush, you can google it!” or my fave Carlisle quote: “Animal attack!” (RIP Grisham Mill Worker)

overkill
This is a classic case of I WANT IT ALL but I can’t decide so let’s just cram as much from the saga on my arms and see what happens. All we’re missing is a passage about the Spanish Influenza or a detailed description of Bella’s room.

newmoonbackpiece
Well if you’ve gone this far, why not a whole chapter?

tbonesteaktattoo
Now, while I love this quote and the sentiment, it looks like it’s been etched into a T-Bone steak or a leg of lamb not exactly what I’d call romantic, unless raw red meat is your thing.

Next let’s traipse into the logo/book cover area of the Twilight tattoos… and as much as I love the covers as the next person I’m pretty sure I don’t want some chess pieces on my body… besides I can’t even play chess!
treetrunk
Oh looks it’s a Twilight tree… let’s crack it open and count the rings.

tulipbesafe
In case you forget “Be Safe!” Oh and don’t forget to water your flowers, they start drooping if you don’t. FYI.

And now for the ultimate… the portrait tattoo… now anyone who knows tattoos know that portraits are the most difficult and need to be done by professionals… and well I’ll let you be the judge of these next few…

movieposter
I’ve always wanted a tattoo of a 12 yr old looking stuttering girl and an alien on my shoulder

And now for my favorite…
jimmnuetronintheshire
Jimmy Neutron Cullen, Hobbit from the Shire is your life now. If this was supposed to BE Robert Pattinson AS Edward Cullen than someone needs a refund. And laser removal surgery.

Now these folks are committed, there’s NO doubt about that… but what I really want to see is a Cora the waitress or a Solomon Trimble tattoo… now THAT’s devotion!

Off to get my LTT tattoo! Aka a Big Daddy Portrait!
Themoonisdown

Sources: Reader submitted pics, NewMoonMovie.org, Flickr, Google Image Search, Twilighters Anon

What is IT about Robert Pattinson? Watch us try to figure it out.
Dude, don’t let your fellow sisters in the LTT/LTR sorority down, read more and submit your Rob Porn!
As always up-to-the-minute good times and discussion over at The Forum!

  • SteelAzalea

    Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! For bringing these into my life. Did you see the tattoo that someone got of Rob’s signature? It was on robsessed a while ago…

    • themoonisdown

      yea we talked about it on rob. that was above and beyond.

      stupid.

      :)

    • Nika

      They need to contact Angelina Jolie for she knows a good tattoo removal surgeon :-)

  • krazykidd

    OH NO NO NO NO NO NO!!! There just so MANY things wrong with this…the portrait tatts?!?!?! REALLY!?!?!?!? That doesn’t even look like Edward that looks like…I don’t even know what but it doesn’t look like Edward…that person needs to get their money back cuz they got jipped!!! LMAO :D

    • themoonisdown

      and think that random dude is on their shoulder for eternity.

  • shuddertothink

    not to mention that it’s never a good idea to mix ink and insanity, but do they know how many heinikens and hot pockets they could’ve bought for what they paid for these? These are difficult financial times, people! Be sensible, damnit!

    • Proselyte3

      I <3 You for this!!! ^^^^^

      Hahahaha!

    • themoonisdown

      dude thats the tattoo i want, rob drunk with heinkins strewed around and hot pocket crumbs on his shirt.

      WIN!

  • http://myuberfablife.blogspot.com Jaydey17

    Ohhhh, my cousin and I stayed up into the wee hours of the morn Googling all these bad tatts.
    And then laughing our heads off at them.
    Also hilarious? Twitter-searching the Cullens.
    Apparently a few of them have spawned offspring.

  • Proselyte3

    Eh….cockamamy people.

  • Ameryca

    LOL…THIS IS THE FUNNIEST CRAP I HAVE EVER READ…THESE PEOPLE ARE A WEE BIT TOO OBSESSED…LOL..AND SERIOUSLY THE ENTIRE CHAPTER ON THE BACK…LOL…COME ON REALLY?

    • sassysmart

      Maybe it wouldn’t be so weird if it was written in Hebrew. Then in 10 years she can make up a whole other saying…cause she WILL be embarrassed.

      Trust.

      • Ameryca

        LOL … I know right… these are those people that really think they’re of the Cullen Clan… Now buying a poster, t-shirt maybe even a piece of faux Cullen crest jewelry but really?… Tattoos?… Those things are forever… And I don’t mean the “forever” like in Breaking Dawn either….. LOL

      • themoonisdown

        at least it’s not in chinese characters ala 1996

        • sassysmart

          You mean the one I have that is suppose to say “Be Safe” but it actually says “Chicken Lo Mein”?

          • Ameryca

            Yep, that’s the one… LOL… The one about Jimmy Neutron Cullen of the shire was the most hilarious… Next thing you know there’s gonna be the Celtic-Chinese-French-Italian translation of “Be Safe” or. “the lion fell in love with the lamb”… Even the quote “you know your mood swings are really giving me whiplash” is gonna be right across someones neck… Or even a James quote like “you were a stubborn child” slapped right on the wrist…damn did I just someone an idea?… LOL

  • sassysmart

    I have a feeling Wrecking Balm Tattoo removal will hit a spike in sales in a few years. Here’s the link in case it’s needed.

    http://www.wreckingbalm.com/

    Yep, I’m buying stock…RIGHT.NOW.

    Lawd have mercy.

    • Proselyte3

      Future nest egg, buying now…

    • lapushbaby

      College fund.

  • http://robmyworld.com Amber

    “Grandma’s gonna be so confused when you get married… “but honey, I thought Steve’s last name was Steverson, not Cullen. Who is this Cullen boy?””

    No worries. Don’t see this one getting married off too soon…

    And I maintain that the Jimmy Neutron Cullen one is actually based off the Edward in the Hillywood version of Twilight. Look it up.

    • themoonisdown

      why the HELL would you want your edward to look like the hillywood dude?! NO THANKS

      • melbel

        OMFG
        so i just watchd this hillywood version thing
        what a crack up :L but ewww defntly cant b going for the hillywood version i think the Jimmy Neutron Cullen
        is a better thery

    • Tattoo Husband

      Actually this one is married dumbass….i am her husband who took the picture…. And grandma actually likes the tattoos…

  • Caroline

    How are these people going to explain this to the nursing home staff when they are 90 years old,LOL. In 50 or 60 years TW will be but a memory. I am a huge fan of TW and absolutely love Rob but I don’t think I’m prepared to have something etched on my skin about it. I don’t mind the tat with the rose and the quote “be safe” but the rest are TOO much. I hope these people realize that skin looses elasticity as we age.

    • ChailleBrown

      It will be interesting to see what “Jimmy Neutron Cullen, Hobbit from the Shire” looks like when that thing starts to sag. *shudders at the thought*

  • tracyvanhorne

    I bet the tattoo artists are still laughing at all these horrible tats… like they made them extra bad on purpose.

    I wonder if my friend has done a twilight tattoo yet… off to ask! :)

    • themoonisdown

      you KNOW they took pictures to laugh at after they left and show their friends

  • Melissa

    Seriously?

    ’nuff said….

  • Steph

    “Jimmy Neutron Cullen, Hobbit from the Shire is your life now.”

    I nearly peed my pants! Moon! You are soooo funny!

    I do wonder what these people are thinking. I mean, I love Twilight (duh) but a tat? Are they gonna feel for Twilight at 80 what they feel for it now at whatever shame-faced age they are? I doubt it.

    • http://lettersfromvalentine.blogspot.com valentine

      i about died when i read that too! bwaahaaa! he totally looks like jimmy neutron and that forest is so totally the shire! LOL you guys are hilarious

    • themoonisdown

      SO bad. its like a paint by numbers watercolor portrait. ugh

  • ANDREA

    Grandma’s gonna be so confused when you get married… “but honey, I thought Steve’s last name was Steverson, not Cullen. Who is this Cullen boy?

    :D :D :D :D LMAO!!!!!!! :D :D :D :D

    I will bookmark this post and send it to every person who ever call me a freak… I mean.. after these I’m sooooo normal :) LOL :)

    Seriously people?

    I truly appreciate the laughing opportunity (especially on a Monday morning) but when I really think about it I get a little scared. And second-hand embarrassed. Totally second-hand embarrassed. Andhappy, because I’m not the most pathetic person on Earth. Yeah!!

    I guess this post is good for my ego. thank you for that Moon!!! ;)

    Hugs to all my fellow LTT-ers.

    Have a Cullen week!!!

    ANDREA

    • themoonisdown

      always remember theres someone who’s a bigger freak than you are, out there!

      unless youre one of these girls or the pattinsons pants lady

      • ANDREA

        OME!!!!!!

        NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

        *shocked*

  • missymiss

    SAY IT. OUT LOUD. BAD CALL.

  • hunnieb

    WRONGGGGGGGGGG

    even the chick w/ rob’s signature on her wrist should’ve made this cut..

    horrible ppl!! this stuff is permanent! its different to get some sayins that mean something to you, but to tie it in w/ twlight?

    really?

    <3 have a good one!

  • Rubytuesday

    “my fave Carlisle quote: “Animal attack!” (RIP Grisham Mill Worker)” LOVE IT That’s the one for me!!!!!!

    Now please, seriously? I’ve seen these before but they’re transfers aren’t they? They are not going to last a few washes and they are gone.
    My twilight confession is I’ve got the Cullen crest bag charm/keyring thing that I’ve attached to my pretty silver and crystal bag charm and is on display for everyone to see on my bag, so far no-one has noticed or commented, but that is my call out for any soul sisters-unicorns to connect…………..

    • themoonisdown

      put out the vibe! find your fellow twihards!

    • hunnieb

      while we’re on the confessions, i bought myself a team edward keychain.. and a friend gave me (seriousl.y. haha i didnt buy it) the team edward tote bag whcih i use for my school books.!

  • Manon

    “why you have a tattoo of a shriveled up tulip on your boob of the face of a guy who kinda looks like Jimmy Neutron lost in the shire on your bicep”

    This seriously crackt me up!

  • JodieO

    Oh. Dear. God. For reals? I have one tattoo. One. And I was so paranoid that I held on to the design for TEN years before I dared having it inked to make sure I would still like it. I can’t imagine getting a tattoo based on, let’s face it, a fad. It would be as if I’d gotten a tattoo of Jordan Knight across my back with the words “I’ll be loving you forever.” That wouldn’t be at ALL embarassing.

    • sassysmart

      But…I WILL be loving you forever!

      NKOTB!!!!!!!!!!!

      LMAO!

      • JodieO

        Awwh! You’re so sweet!

        And if you would like a tattoo of me on your butt just let me know so I can have an artist draw up a misshapen portrait of me holding an apple and riding on the back of a werewolf.

    • themoonisdown

      please dont gooooo girrrrrl. it would ruin my whole world!!

  • domisgone

    You know, I’m a tattooed person. Eight so far, and counting… I have some tattoo’s on me that I absolutely hate… and I have others, that I love.

    But to tattoo something on me that, I love now… (might be slightly embarrassed by how much I love it) but to get it on me forever?

    Damn. It’s like that boy in my high school that got ‘KORN’ tattooed across his back… Sure, Korn was all hype back in 1999, but in 2009…. Not so much.

    And can you imagine trying to laser that shit off in 30 years… what a huge mistake!

    Although, I have to admit…I like the Twilight logo that looks like a tree. I wouldn’t tattoo it on me, but if they sold it as a poster, it would be beside my bed!!

  • Pinky

    I usually just lurk, but dammit who’s gonna pay my dry cleaning bill when I piss my spanks laughing at your site.

    From start to finish completely hilarious. Thanks for the Monday laughs.

    • http://letterstotwilight.wordpress.com unintendedchoice

      Send all bills c/o Buttcrack Santa
      :)

    • themoonisdown

      piss my SPANKS

      i love you

  • Emily W

    They were posting tons of these pics on one of the fics threads on twilighted. I cringe every time I see them. Can you say “I’m never going to get laid, ever”? Theres being a relatively harmless fangirl and then theres the type of crazy fangirl that makes the cast run away and jump in front of cabs. Can you imagine what Rob would do if he saw some of these? Just think. Eventually she’ll gain weight and then that last one will look more like Fat Bastard from Austin Powers

  • Emily W

    Dude. It totally just popped in my head. But how hilarious would it be if a dad let his 16yr old daughter get “Be safe” tatooed on her as her sex talk? Or someone have it on their abdomen as a reminder…

    • lapushbaby

      I was thinking the same thing!! I like the whole “be safe” sentiment, I am actually a little famous in my friend/family circles for being a bit of a Safety Nazi, but for some reason esp, with the tulip, it just reminds me of safe sex!

  • http://www.stuck-in-the-sticks.blogspot.com Tiffany

    I just got a new tattoo recently and my super obsessed “blog” friend told me to get the Cullen crest. Um that would be a big fat NO!! I’m not insane. Well just a little.

  • Ceri

    That freaking Jimmy Neutron/Hobbit rendition of Rob is exactly why I’ll never get a tatt. I don’t trust anyone to not fuck it up and then have that on my skin for all time.

    Hubs has tatts, which I love. But these Twilight ones just scare me. That kind of scary crazy obsession is just insane, I bet they probably stalk the interwebz looking for all things Twilight related and read lots of fanfic…..(wait, uh, back up there Ceri, you just described your Robsession). *facepalm*

    Yeah, um, note to self, do NOT get a tatt of Rob or his signature, just say no! Okay, I’ve calmed myself down, talked myself of the ledge. ;) (Yes, I do talk to myself and sometimes refer to myself in the third person. I’m NORMAL!)

  • jazzled

    Wow. Just wow. I’m not going to say I’m surprised that people do this, but wow.

  • myria101

    I love the tattoo posts. Sends me into shock every single time, but I love them so much!!

    M

  • Jules3

    W-O-W! creeptastic . this makes me feel completely normal.

    “hold on tight spider monkey”
    ugh! CH, I will never forgive you for that line and if someone gets a tattoo of that, I may die of embarassment.

  • ljs
  • Rachel

    Wow, this is ridiculous. I’m a very big fan of twilight but I would never get a tattoo from a movie or book. Hmm. It’s there choice but I know if I was them, I would regret it terribly when I get older.

  • lapushbaby

    This level of commitment is just mind-boggling. I do not think I have EVER seen a tattoo of a real face/portrait, and thought, oh yeah, that’s hawt!

    If I could, I would want to get matching “Animal Attack” tats with you, Moon, ’cause that is one of my favorite lines, also. Either that or “Clair de Lune is great”.

    Thanks for a great Monday laugh, I snorted my coffee at “shire on your bicep.”

    lpb

    • themoonisdown

      clare de lune is great! HAHA thats our ankle tat!

  • http://www.twitarded.blogspot.com Jenny Jerkface

    At someone who has multiple tattoos I kind of cringe when I see these. I can’t help but think of all the band logos I wanted to get tattooed on my body because that band was the SHIT. I can only tell you how happy I was that I didn’t.

  • yellow.jello

    that´s uhrm wrong.
    the last one looks kinda airbrushed to me.
    i hope it´s airbrushed…

    • themoonisdown

      i hope it’s not!

      mooohahahaha

  • Bobina

    Ummm I have no words.. none at all. So I will just say….
    I MEAN SERIOUSLY!?!??!?!

    • themoonisdown

      seriously.

  • tiffany3482

    Okay…
    people seriously… are you out of your effing minds?
    Im so glad I didn’t get Mmmbop tattooed on my back when I was 15 that really would be embarassing at 27.
    This post LITERALLY made me nauseous…. like my stomach was turning especially with the one where the armed looked like it was all torn apart… dude why? WHY the hell would you get a tattoo like that?
    Seriously why do all Twi tattoos look like a drunk fourth grader inked them?
    and what kind of tattoo artist would ink the “I want it all girl” what ever happened to artistic integrity. A few of my friends are tattoo artists and they would NEVER do those tattoos… typically a good artist won’t do something that they know someone will eventually have to laser off 5- 10 years down the road. but then again their artists were drunk… and in the fourth grade…
    GOSH this annoys me…

  • Ashley Fragomeni

    I almost just LOST IT reading this…HILARIOUS!!! Especially the LAST one. omgz. I’ll see if I can dig up more tats and send them to you.

    You crack me up.
    :)

    • themoonisdown

      send more send more!

  • Sarita Pagita

    I really am just sad for these people…I mean the Cullen crest? That sh*t is huge. There is no hiding that.

    Thank god tats were less popular when I was an NKOTB fan. I’m sure I’d had ‘Please Don’t Go Girl” as an armband – or worse Joey’s face as a tramp stamp.

    • lapushbaby

      HUGE!

    • themoonisdown

      and about 50 joey would be frowning…

      i want the steps from step by step as my tattoo

      step 1 – we can have lots of fun
      step 2 – theres so much we can do
      step 3 – its just you and me
      step 4- i can give you more
      step 5 – don’t you know the the time is riiiiight
      HUHHHHH
      *cue violin*

      yup, all that on a tattoo!

      • lapushbaby

        OK, when you say “Step One” I think,

        “Cut a hole in the box”

        • Proselyte3

          OMG!!!! Hahahaha…(((((hugs)))))))

          Step 2…put your junk in the box….;)

  • tiffany3482

    by the way
    the lady who has the movie poster on her arm is totally 47 years old and going through a midlife crisis … how do i know? look at that puke green chicos polo she is wearing
    also is it a requirement that if one is going to get a twi tattoo on her back that she has backne?
    just wondering….

  • http://thechroniclesofemilymarie.blogspot.com/ emmeloowhoo

    ok because we have broken it down that most of us loved Roswell I have to bring this up. This is not my tattoo http://bit.ly/1banq7 but I was considering it a lot… so much I went to a Henna artist in the East Village in NYC and had her do the galaxy around my ankle a la tribal band guys do on their biceps. I wanted to see if I could handle something permanent. 3 weeks went by and it was still visible and I was really thinking yep, this is what I want. Then one day at lunch I was walking through the courtyard of our buildings and someone came up to me and said “I LOVE ROSWELL” and I was confused. Did I know her from somewhere? did we meet and I not remember? No, she saw my “tattoo” and knew it was the whirlwind galaxy and she proceeded to show me her crashdown waitress liz tattoo on her calf. Uh yeah, I went home and scrubbed the remains of my henna off and decided no… Tattoos are fine but not for me and certainly not obscure passages, book covers or portraits of fictional people…

    • themoonisdown

      um im really glad you didnt get that! as much as i love roswell and all.

      but we should get matching micheal portraits. just because

  • Janetrigs

    GAHH!! WHy’d you show me that shizz again. Freaks me the eff out!

  • http://confessions-of-a-twilight-addict.blogspot.com Jen

    Poor Steve Steverson not only was he given a ridiculous name, but the relatives wil be baggin on his wife, for sure.
    This is so a cause for secondhand embarassment, and why you should never get a tatoo while intoxicated.

  • Hermes

    re the Twat Tatts- Wait till that skin begins to age, or worse yet loose weight (some of those tatts looked like they were on some (chubby girls).
    Hey, can anyone do some photoshop to show how that would look? that would be pretty funny.

  • ValiumWaltzes

    Oh, these are just priceless. PRICELESS! I’m half embarrassed to be seen out in public with the books, so I can’t imagine walking around with any of these tats (and I have, and love, tats).

    I saw the movie for the first time with a really cool gal I work with. She shared my “secret” Twi-obsession (secret then, now every chick in the office has read the saga and/or seen the movie, from ages 21 to 58). Her sister was gonna join us for the flick and I’d never met her before, but I knew she had to be super cool and way funny if she was anything like her sister. First words out of her mouth — “Look at my new tattoo!” And there, covering her entire forearm in deep dark black, was the Cullen crest. I’ve never tried so hard to control my facial expressions in my entire life. I’m still proud of myself for not choking and spitting.

  • dazzledtodeath

    I haven’t laughed that hard in a while. My head was actually on the desk, with tears running down my face when i saw the Jimmy Neutron Cullen tat. Imagine the horror when, after several hours of excruciating pain and several hundred dollars poorer, it’s time for the big reveal. Tada!! Jimmy Neutron Cullen. I would’ve scrubbed my skin off with brillo. Thank you.

  • http://86rabbit.wordpress.com ’86 Rabbit

    LOL! Jimmy Neutron lost in the Shire had me in tears! And that was before seeing the picture. Who knew that if Jimmy Neutron and David Duchovny had a son it would be Edward?

    I hate to begrudge anyone their identity, but if you haven’t loved something your whole life you probably shouldn’t get it tattooed on your person. You gotta think about that moment in the future when your skin is wrinkly or veiny, and the ink has bled out around the edges. Are you still going to love it then? Sure you can get it cleaned up, but are you going to love it enough then to put yourself through it again? Just a thought.

    I kind of think Be Safe is sweet. I like everything about the quote and the font. Of course it takes on whole different meanings if it’s placed anywhere south of the border.

  • MacyBlair

    That last one? Hideous.

    When I get mine, it is going to say “Edible Art,” not “You are my life now.” Duh!

    Edward’s bouffant will also look soooo much better on mine. While I’m at it, I think mine will say “C’est un bouffant, nes pas?” I’m not sure if that’s how it is spelled, but whatevs, it’ll only be on my skin forever!!

    • JodieO

      Ha! Edible art for the win! Actually, that would be a pretty funny tattoo even without the Twilight tie-in..

  • Pingback: Twi-Tats « Blessedkatelyn's Blog()

  • mlu

    Um, what’s with the chick and the plastic wrap under the bra strap?

    • Cullen Crest Tattoo

      Well…when I got the Cullen crest tattoo..I also got another tattoo that same day saying g twilighter and the names Edward and Bella…he had to put that there to protect it. It’s interesting hoe judgmental everyone is. I’m nit a teen…I’m married and loved the books…I choose to get these tattoos and I love them. Hope this clears up the plastic wrap and the bra strap. It’s really me.

  • Lisa

    Whaaaaat?!
    Why do YOU get to post the Edward holding an apple picture???
    That female(twat) e-mailed me and made me take it down before she took “legal action”
    Boo, to you all.

    I like you guys more though, so I forgive you.
    <3

  • GarnetGurl

    Oh dear lawd people!!! There IS such a thing as taking this too far! I know, shocker.

    • http://letterstotwilight.wordpress.com unintendedchoice

      so true

  • elle

    “Jimmy Neutron Cullen”

    Thank you so much for this laugh! I have tears running down my face now and will likely be giggling in my sleep…or having nightmares about Jimmy Neutron Cullen…

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