Kristen Stewart, pregnant with Rob’s lovechild? Or just bloated?

Dear LTT-ers, Robstenites, Nonstenites, and general gossip hounds,

Recently a most outrageous “news” story began circulating around the interwebs. Rag mags, gossip sites and weirdos alike have been reporting that Kristen Stewart is pregnant! Yes, the 19 year old, barely legal, girl from Zathura, the chosen one of Stephenie Meyer, aka Bella is allegedly PREGNANT. Now I’m not one to believe most stuff from the Rag mags until the star themselves confirm it. But what’s the fun in waiting? So I’ve gathered together a panel of obsessed freaks experts on the subject of all things Twilight, Kristen and pregnancy. We’re going to treat this like our very own cable news show so sit back and relax as we bring you all the facts, reactions and advice on:

HARDBALL with Themoonisdown

Hello and welcome to our very first addition of Hardball, today is Friday, July 10th, 2009 and here’s what we know on the Kristen Stewart might be pregnant news front…

The Aussie tab’s insider says, “When [Stewart] worked out she was late, she obviously started to thinking that she could be pregnant. And because of the timing, she thinks Rob could be the father.”

The gossip mag also reports she had a friend buy a home pregnancy test for her and that she is “very nervous about the whole situation.”

As evidence, the mag ran a shot of Stewart with a small round belly on the set of her upcoming film, “The Runaways.”

Naturally reps for Stewart and Pattinson have not confirmed whether there is any truth to the New Weekly’s report.

Click to enlarge the NEWS

Click to enlarge the NEWS

As it stands this is what we know: Kristen Stewart is supposedly “late” in getting her monthly visitor. And of course thinks that a one Mr. Robert Pattinson is the father, nevermind her ex-boyfriend who from all accounts she was still with 2-3 months ago. Kristen Stewart has an unknown “friend” buy her a pregnancy test. And finally as physical evidence we have a photo of Kristen from the set of the Runaways with what reporters are calling a “small round belly.”

I turn now to my panel of highly esteemed journalists, Robsten followers, snarky commenters and legal experts for their reactions… Let’s play Hardball!

LOOK AWAY FROM HIS EYES!!

LOOK AWAY FROM HIS EYES!!

First up from the always on top of it Rob Pattinson site “Robsessed” we have the lovely Gozde. What is your opinion of the news that Kristen might be pregnant with Rob’s love child?

Gozde: Rob can impregnate with a stare, true story, but for this time I say ‘What a Load of Crap’

Moon: As proof Gozde has brought along this lovely picture at right to help prove her point. Can we get that on the screen now? (look to your left) *sees rob* Uh… yea I’m gonna have to say you might be right… I feel my ovaries spontaneously ovulating… NEXT expert! Quickly!!

Kristin: *interupting* “I would also like to mention that after seeing pictures of Rob and Ruby (his pint sized costar for Remember Me) together, my uterus spontaneously impregnated itself, so if there is a babymama, It’s me, spelled with an IN. Just in case you were all wondering…”

Moon: Well, I guess we’ve proven your point Gozde, maybe a Kristen IS pregnant from his stares, it just might be OUR KristIN, instead. Why don’t we toss this to the super wonderful TwiCrackAddict for her take. What do you think TwiCrack, pregnant or not?

TwiCrackAddict:Hullo? If having a lil’ pooch is evidence of being knocked up, then people must think that my ever-present Food-Induced-Belly-Bump is an indication that I’m pregnant with sextuplets these days. Sorry, I’m just puffy and eat too much ice cream”

Follow the cut to see what else the panel has to say, and IS SHE PREGNANT?? Come back after this commercial break

Moon: Preach sister, wanna go get double dip cones TwiCrack?

TwiCrackAddict: Yes and also as one of my readers commented when I reported the story: “Maybe she had a big lunch and just wants to Al Bundy it!”

Moon: Don’t we all? In fact, I’m doing that right now. Let it all hang out, that’s what I say. Thanks girl. Now let’s move along to one of our resident Robstenites and creator of the hilariously funny Twi-Theater over on the forum for her thoughts… Calli, what did you think about the possible Robsten baby?

Calli: Well, my first thought: bitch!  I’d give anything to have prego rumours about me and The Sparkly One. Seriously. like… I’d go all Nikki Reed on his ass and get me some compromising pictures and then head on over to a props department and get me some fake baby bumps to help me along that story…

And then second, I wanted to call up Stephanie Meyer’s reps to make sure she hadn’t jumped into the Grand Canyon… what more can these two do to ruin the chaste image of Bella and Edward she worked so long to dream up. First the weed smoking by kstew & the alcoholism of Rpattz … then the charlie hotel sleepover… then that damned book cover… and finally… a baby?!?!  without a wedding!?!? Steph’s going to die at a very young age. I don’t think her nerves can take much more…

Moon: Very good point Calli! UC, get Meyers’ reps on the phone we need to make sure she’s still alive and ticking… or at least make sure her typing fingers are in working order! She still needs to finish Midnight Sun before she even thinks about getting anywhere near the ledge of the Grand Canyon! Ok, let’s turn to another leading expert in all things Twi… the master of it all: NewMoonMovie.org… So NMM do you think Kristen is knocked up?

NewMoonMovie.org: “She’s been seen still smoking. A lot.”

Moon: Very good point NMM but what if she is indeed WITH CHILD?

NewMoonMovie.org: “I don’t know about you, but if I was pregnant with Robert Pattison’s baby, I’d turn into the fricking town crier: ‘Hear ye, hear ye! I AM THE CHOSEN ONE!'”

Moon: I would hire a sky writer to share the news! Let’s focus now on what’s been said about her physique… the mag says Kristen has a “small round belly…” Let’s go to our leather pants expert and commenter LaPushBaby, what can you tell us?

 

Al Bundy? FUPA? Awesome Blossom? Bloat?

LaPushBaby: This is the belly of a person who is being forced to wear painted-on leather pants for filming all day.  Can you imagine how uncomfortable they must be?  I would unbutton them the first chance I got, too. Seriously, this is the bloated belly of a girl who is having her monthly visit from Aunt Flo, or shared a Bloomin’ Onion and a pitcher of Foster’s at Outback last night.  Water retention, we’ve all been there…

BrookeLockart: It’s called a F.U.P.A. (Fat Upper P*ssy Area). Come on, you know what I’m talking about…her metabolism is finally slowing down and late night munchies will eventually take its toll.  Plus I think she’s totally on the BC and she’s busting out a bit (see New Moon busty boobies for reference).

Moon: FUPA!! The scourge of getting older, thank you for reminding us Brooke. What do you think commenter Proselyte3? The belly? The Leather pants? What gives? Is this just another case of the media and it’s double standards for female bodies?

I SAID DON'T LOOK INTO HIS EYES!!

Proselyte3: “Damn! If having a tiny bit of belly hang over a pair of tight ass leather pants makes KStew pregs, then most of the female race must be carrying Rob’s spawn.”

Moon: Crap… am I pregnant? And all along I thought mexican good bloat doesn’t equal a baby! Help me Lauren from Lauren’s Bite!

Lauren: “Beer = Babies…”

Moon: *expletive beeeeeeeeep* Well, we’ve spent all this time debating whether Kristen and Rob bumped uglies long enough to get pregnant but I can’t help but wonder about the others effected by this scenario… What about Oregano? Her Family? Rob?

Calli: “Poor Oregano. No one ever thought his sperm could knock KStew up … even when the boy was stalking her every move. Now Rob – sweet, sexy, viril Rob  who is on the completely opposite coast…. He can do it just by rubbing his nose up against her forehead in an almost kiss. Someone better check to see if Oregano and SMeyer aren’t laying in that same ditch in the Grand Canyon.”

Moon: Oh God!! UC, call the Arizona Parks Dept! Check the bottom of the Grand Canyon for a suburban housewife turned writer and the little guy who played Jack’s son!

UC: ” Ok, ok… looks like they found someone down there… guess I’m looking forward to giving the baby a stuffed werewolf at her shower!”

Moon: Noooooo!!! But what proof do we have? Show us the proof! No proof, no truth, right?

Calli: She’s eating!! She’s pregnant! Look at this picture from the Runaways set (to the right)

Moon: Control room, can you show us the eating picture?
She’s eating a cookie… is that proof?

Calli: And now she’s vomitting. That means MORNING SICKNESS! Double Pregnant!!!!!!!!!!!!!

a
a
a
A
a
a

a
a
a

robreaction

uh, uh, uh, WHO’S pregnant? FUUUUUUUUUUcccccckkk

Moon: This just in, according to Kristin we have Rob’s reaction to the rumors… can we go to the Rob reaction feed live from the set of Remember Me? (see right)

Moon: Ok, Calli and Kristin, I’m not sure we can call these proof… but what can Kristen do to help stop these rumors?

Calli: If I were Kristen and wanted to squash prego rumours…. I’d be walking around with a bottle of tequila in one hand and FOUR lit cigarettes in my mouth while rolling a non-therapeutic joint with my free hand. I wouldn’t have a bottle of water and a cellphone in my hands. But that’s just me.

Moon: TRUTH! Thanks Calli, this is why I walk around with a tequila bottle in my hand at all times. Lastly, let’s go to our resident in house legal expert and creator of the HHH Bar Association, Janetrigs, Esq. What say you Janetrigs? If this news is true what legal rights do Rob and Kristen have?

Janetrigs, Esq: If it’s true the custody battle should be nonexistent, as Rob has repeatedly expressed his distaste for children. However Kristen Stewart’s lawyers will likely seek hefty child support payments, which may have RPattz cutting his cigarette, Heineken, and Dunkin Donuts coffee budget in half.

Moon: Wow, Janet when you put it that way, that is a high cost to pay for dear Rob for 2 minutes of mediocre at best, pleasure. Let’s hope for both their sakes this news is false and that they will live to shag another day. Any final thoughts from the peanut gallery?

East Friend:Debbie Gibson is pregnant with my two-headed love child.”

Moon: And with that we close our very first edition of Hardball with Themoonisdown. I want to thank all my esteemed panelists: Gozde from Robsessed, forum Moderator and intersection partner Kristin, TwicrackAddict from Confessions of a TwiCrackAddict, creator of Twi-Theater and forum Moderator Calli, NewMoonMovie.org, commenter and Vitamin R enthusiast LaPushBaby, Brooke Lockart commenter and FanFic prude,  commenter and Micheal W Smith fanclub president Proselyte3, Lauren from Lauren’s Bite, member and creator of the HHH Bar Association Janetrigs and finally Quad Member and keeper of the Landshark East Friend. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you! A thousand times Thank you to all who participated and until next time…

Sex can wait, masterbate!
Themoonisdown

Source: LA Times blog

See what UC has cooked up over at Letters to Rob
Wanna talk more about Kristen ALLEGEDLY being preggers or want to participate in the daily chat and answer the question of the day? Head over to the forum!

*and NO we don’t think she’s pregnant!*

  • looloobelle

    hehehehehehe….this was GREAT. I ‘ve never watched Hardball, but it reminded me of the Old Dana Carvey SNL shtick of The McLaughlin Group. Buy, if that little bit of belly fat is all it takes to be deemed prego, then I’m probably fully dialated by now and should start pushing! That’s water weight or a few good farts. Either pee or toot, and she’ll be right as rain.

  • http://mangalili.skyblog.com mangalili

    noooon je pense que kristen stewart est vraiment enceinte

  • Hermes

    Booya, now we’re all PREGGERS!
    LOVE IT!.
    Robs wild sperm strikes again!
    Someone put a condom over that boy.

    He’s had deadly sperm build up for quite some time i have it on good authority… hmm. his manly spunk was just too much for barriers i suppose.
    Yeah, he’s the real chosen one.. not that pussy Harry Potter

  • http://adriennetrafford.blogspot.com adrienne

    “BOOYA – now you’re all pregnant!” omg, how does this place get funnier??

  • showme8900

    Ok, this is the funniest thing i’ve ever read in my life ROFLMAO

  • http://www.quibblo.com/user/Jnita that~stupid~lamb

    OMEC!!!! i was rofling like a lot during this interview!!! FUPA HaHa nice! oh and ” “if I was pregnant with Robert Pattison’s baby, I’d turn into the fricking town crier: ‘Hear ye, hear ye! I AM THE CHOSEN ONE!’” ”

    made my day better!!!!! thanx

  • Salina

    The girl is fat thats all she is.
    Well not fat, i mean she has a stomach!
    Jeez not everyone can be skin ‘n bones yall!

    But this was trully the funniest thing i have read all day, i dont belive any of these stupid prego and datting rumors. there all crap ^.^
    ‘Hear ye, hear ye! I AM THE CHOSEN ONE!’ lol amazing.

  • ♥rob

    lmao! booya! now you’re pregnant! funny as hell ladies. The sky writer for the announcement was too fun! I would hire my own parade and buy a star in it’s honor if that were to happen to me. lol on sex can wait masterbate (only for Rob will I everdo that), i cannot stop laughing, thanks so much.

  • http://letterstotwilight.wordpress.com unintendedchoice

    oh.my.gosh

    i have been gone.. on my vacation (ièm in france i think. i thought it was canada, but according to this keyboard itès franceÈ)

    and this is brilliant. I love that Ièm kinda included.. even though I wansèt there. This is clearly a new idea that we will revist- once a new story deserves a hardball with moon.

    moon i love you

    the rest of you.. i love you too. and all those who love the thumbs upé thumbs down thingÉ DAMN ? sorry.. rant from this dumb french canadaian keyboard… I love the thumbs up everything. i feel happy

    • themoonisdown

      the thumbs up is the WP version of facebook’s “like” which means I LOVE IT!

  • http://lowebell.com amber /dominica

    What the hell did he realy get her pregant!!!! this cant be i mean whos going to play BELLA!!!!!!!! and i hate her new look. wow and if she wasnt doing the movies then i would be fine with her getting pregant. but now she cant do the movies. i realy dont what them to replace her. its alll your falt Rob and its also hers!!

  • Live720

    Great article and analysis ladies!

    Kristen seriously needs to lay off the pants that give her instant camel toe. BLEK!

    That is all.

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  • twilightpamela

    loved this post. OMG. so funny. you need to do this again. and btw i don’t believe she is preggo. come on the big lie ever. FUPA lmao.

  • Laurra

    Are u guys kidding? Come on, this can’t be true. They aren’t even dating, and now a baby? I know they can have sex even if they aren’t dating, but…would they be that stupid? I don’t think so.

  • http://dailylifenotes.wordpress.com Casper

    lol this is funny.
    Pregnant? Doubt it, blame it on the “cookie”, pizza or whatever she’s eating.

    The end!

  • ine

    this is so funny ^^
    and really, i think the pregnant-thing is crap..

  • Diane Curran

    This is the same mag that reckoned Nicole Kidman was pregnant for two years before she actually was. Looks like they’re now latching onto Rob & Kirsten because they know they’ll sell mags.

    Great blog gals. Gave me a good laugh.

  • maimu

    HOLY SWEET ICECREAM!!!

    now i have a pair of uber tight leather jeans…not comffy but SEXY as hell!!!
    and my belly hangs out sometimes to… i need to go and check with my bf if he thinks every time he sees my belly hangin out if im prehnant

    i dont think shes pregnant! NEWA!!! and if she is with rPattz es baby… well… *cencored* u are one lucky ….

  • http://chantix.xanga.com/ chantix

    +100

  • bobbygee

    Great wit. I love it. The media never gets it right anyway. Lets see. Bobby Gee Thanks
    http://bobbygee.wordpress.com/

  • Chimies

    Seriously, BRILLIAN! I love you ladies!

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  • cannelle14

    As. If.

  • http://newmoonmovie.org bri.x

    oh for god’s sake.
    is this the best bullshit the press can come up with?
    god help us all! I laughed so hard at this article! Bunch of crap. No fear robsessed fans, because kristen is just bloated.

  • kayla

    You write like you’re so cool, and you can be mean. & she’s not fucking pregant.

    • http://aim.com abbybobaby225

      is there something roung in your life you don’t be that rude to people so shut up ya i went there i mean it is rude to rite that what if she saw and does your parent let you say words like that

  • http://cullenboysanonymous.com Cullen Boys Anonymous

    How could Rob be the father he is still a virgin? There is no way she’s his baby mama. Bwahaha!

  • http://none Dora

    Pleaseeee save us from BS. Kristen smoking while pregnant. I remember smoking made my friend sicker than a dog vomiting. She just could not bear the slightest hint of smell of a cigarette let alone smoking it. Kristen is firing up constantly. It no wonder Kristen laugh at the stupidness of it. We as fans should laugh at the reporter who made up the story. Take down names and never ever read the BS magazine again. We are the ones who can make a difference to our Star idols and show our loyality. Let them go broke not being able to sell they BS to us.

  • Misswed

    LOL. Brilliant. Absolutely hilarious. Much tea escaped through my nose.

    The story is obviously ludicrous… And besides that, I can’t even see a belly on her in that picture – it’s just shadows. Damn tabloids.

    Also, one thing to add on a serious note – if Rob *did* actually get her pregnant they would be in deep sh** with Summit. I know they’ve got a unique position of power, what with their huge popularity, but I’m sure there would be some contractual forfeit they’d have to make. It would postpone filming for the last two movies for far too long for a start, not to mention unnecessary tension on set, which these tabloid people seem to forget is a PLACE OF WORK.

    *sigh* That said, WHAT A JOKE! LOL

  • kezzi93

    haha FUPA!!! well done…how come no-one considered she’s gaining weight for the movie??? seriously has anyone seen the woman she’s supposed to be playing in this movie??? i’m crossing my fingers we might just a have new american phsyco lol i’ll just stand outside listening to No Doubt (say that you love me) lol

  • kezzi93

    i’m crossing my fingers we might just a have a new American Phsyco (coughmecough) lol i’ll just stand outside of Rob’s hotel window and listen to No Doubt (say that you love me) lol

  • Adriana

    Wow… I love this panel… Girls, you’re amazing!!!! I spent too much hilarious time in front of my PC … My first tought was “of course, in brealing down”, but after read the whole history… This is the funniest thing… and don’t forget, someone must go to Grand Cayon and check to Sthep…

  • Rachstars

    Man u guys rock!!! i am a big fan of newmoonmovie.org n ever since i saw that story on the front of the NW mag here (in australia) ive been wondering how true it is n ive been checking for anything on it on the newmoonmovie.org posts….this thing u guys have written was great absolutly hilarious and brilliant!!!

    by the way is all that stuff about RPattz n KStew being a couple now true is it gossip crap as well??? pleaz reply to my question!!!

    oh yeah n there something about nikki reed going off at rpattz n all this stuff about them having problems working together…if all the rumors r true wats gonna happen with eclipse n breaking dawn???
    hopefully theyre all mature enough to get along well enough to finish filming the last 2 movies!!!!

    • themoonisdown

      hey rachstars! welcome to LTT/LTR so glad you like us! you should read our ‘speculation’ catagory if you wanna hear more about what we think of rob & kristen together or not!

      XO
      moon

  • SakuraJinenki

    He dumped her! it MUST be true!!! the horror!!! lol. seriously, i don’t think it’s true. but then again, why’d he dump her after such a loving relationship unless he’d have to learn how to change diapers?

  • http://DymplezSmilez.info Dymplez Smilez

    Lol, hilarious blog post! I agree, I don’t believe that she’s pregnant. I don’t even think her and Robert Pattinson has THAT sort of relationship.

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  • MariaCecilia

    Poor girl, if people are calling her pregnant now, with that petite pout of a belly, what happens when she grows up and becomes like, you know, normal shaped, like the rest of us? SOOO unfair, and, well, sexist actually! She could probably sue someone?
    Or better yet, to make up for it, that rag should be sentenced to photographing Rob in a pair of too-tight leather pants, open at the top (*swallowing convulsively*) just to prove that it wasn’t an anti-feminist statement on their part.
    Yes! Yes! Oh, where do I get a judge to go my way on this??

  • Loves Twilight—-SICK OF FANGIRLS

    WHO CARES? REALLY. IF SHES KNOCKED UP GOOD ON HER. IF IT IS ROBERT’S THAN SHE IS A CHEATER ON HER BF. ANYWAY I BROUGHT THE MAG TO READ THE STORY AND MAGAZINES MAKE UP STORYS TO GET READERS…SEEING THAT ‘TWILIGHT’ IS A BIG THING IN TEENS THEY PROB DID IT TO GET MORE MONEY! SO PLZ JUST DROP IT IT WAS A FOOD BABY MABEY WHO KNOWS. YOU WON’T KNOW UNTIL SHE ANNOUNCES IT IF SHE EVER DOES . OH THIS SHOUL SHAKE U ALL UP! ROBERT PATTERSON LOOKS FREAKY AND STONED IN MOST OF HIS PICS AND LEE PACE IS 10 TIME AWWWABLE THAN HIM!

  • bobbygee

    Maybe she likes to eat? It is fun to guess. Great wit Bobby Gee
    http://bobbygee.wordpress.com/

  • http://vietutd22.bravehost.com honeyelize

    hi, I’m from Vietnam. Nice to visit your blog

  • dbag5891

    This is so LOL it makes me barf

  • http://vietutd22.bravehost.com honeyelize

    I like beautiful blogs!

  • http://aim.com abbybobaby225

    omg is this rell and robert broke uo with her that is so agervading if she got dumped by him and had his baby ahhhhhh i want to bight his head off i was robsessed

  • http://twitter.com/viKsS_JB Victoria *TwiFreak*

    Hmm .. I read all the interviews and comments, but I’m still thinking that Krsten isn’t pregnant and that is another figment of journalists!
    First – When she had the opportunity as the first they were permanently employed by the filming of the New Moon, and now when they aren’t together.He’s filming “Remember me” and she “Runaways”!!
    Impossible! Anyway.. I won’t believe anything until I hear from Kirs’ mouth “I am pregnant by Rob” or from Rob’s saying that Kris is pregnant and he is the father .. so far will continue to argue that it is not Pregnant OF Rob!
    Until this happens I’ll continue saying that KRISTEN ISN’T PREGNANT BY ROB!

    P.S. Sorry for my English it isn’t very good!

  • Catt

    ahahahahahahahaha maybe she’ll name it reneseme as a publicity stunt! come on, you know we’re all hoping for it ;)

  • http://MSN.COM ALICE

    i HOPE NOT THAT WOULD RUIN TWILIGHT!!!!

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  • Taylor

    i think that this is the stupidest shit ever!!!
    i REALLY hope she’s not prego…not only because i hate her but it will also ruin the god damn movies…UUURRRGGG!!!

    anywho…i like the FUPA…it’s great. i got a good giggle about that!!

  • http://www.newmoonmoie.org mya

    this is very bad cause if Kristen is pregnant then the baby is going to die cause she smokes. and i hate the hair she has OMK LOL

  • christina

    If she is pregnate, better film the last book first for the readers sake! thats the only thing im worried about,

    if she is…. better not fuck shit up right? movie career right down the drain.

  • Haley F

    well on aim i have gossiping gabby and other aim bots and on this messanger thingy you can read under it and you can read, on mine i wrote “THE FROG IS NOT AMUSED” and under on of the AIM bots there was “is kristen stewart pregnant” [like a month a ago] and i instantly went on google and looked up “kristen steward pregant” and i was typing a fast as a train moves bc thats how much “woah” i was like. but i think robert would be a great dad and kristen would be an AWESOME mom. NOT bc they were in twilight. in fact i never even heard of twilight until in the local news paper last year a day b4 my karate tournament on Novermber 21st 08 and my mom told me picking me up from my bus stop and said “twilight hit theators” i was like “whats twilight” and on and advertisment b4 that i saw on the comp. was twilight i asked my mom “whats twilight” she didnt know and on november 22nd 08 i saw twilight after my karate tournament

    so yah i know that story is like BLAH anyway just bc Kristen got “knocked up” doesnt make her a bad person and besides if she’s happy then you fans should be happy because if its her child her mood then yah…

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