Choices: A fork in the road. Jacob, Edward or Bella?

Omg, is it November yet?

Omg, is it November yet?

Dear Twilosophy Majors-

This picture from New Moon just came out yesterday. A picture of a scene that I’m very much looking forward to and also dreading at the same time. (I think) It’s the scene after Bella cliff dives and Jacob’s taking her back home after they get the news about Harry Clearwater. They’re sitting in the truck and Bella starts contemplating the ‘What If’s” of her and Jacob and then of course Alice shows up. The whole scene just kills me because she’s right on the verge, she’s at the fork in her road of making this decision to finally move on from Edward and choose to be happy again with Jacob. And no matter which way she goes, the thought of her choosing either makes me angry. Because I can see the Jacob side of the argument and well hello, the other side is Edward and really truth be told I don’t really think she deserves either of them.

So the whole thing got me thinking… what if she didn’t choose either of them? What if she decided to choose HERSELF?

And maybe this is the fierce, adult, independent, college graduate, living on her own in me talking but I think Bella needs to find herself before she can ever really love either one of them they way they need to be loved and they way she needs to love. And that’s pretty evident by her shenanigans in the following book, Eclipse. Bella is an eighteen year old girl! I don’t know about anyone else out there but I am about a 180 from who I was mentally, emotionally and experience wise when I was 18. This is not meant as a diss to anyone younger but just from my own experience and I was a mature 18 too. I truly don’t believe Bella is at a place to even make these decisions. She’s semi fresh off a break up with her first true love, she meets a good guy friend, she regularly contemplates dangerous activities and one can argue suicide from the cliff diving incident alone and then an hour later she’s trying to decide if she should commit to another serious relationship with a boy?

HOLD UP, wait a minute! Bella, please stop running from boy to boy looking for what’s missing, when what’s missing is something that is only fixable by YOU, inside YOU! Bella needs to choose to be alright. She needs to choose to not let her entire being be defined by her relationships with the opposite sex.

I know that’s not easy an easy road to go down at any age much less at 17 but it’s an important journey that I think would have made the character of Bella infinitely more interesting and relatable. And not to mention a healthy role model for young girls.

So let’s open this up to the class…

Am I some crazy Destiny’s Child Independent Woman up in here or am I right in the assumption that Bella needs to take a step back and figure out herself?

Can you truly know yourself at 18? Or 21? Or even 50 for that matter?

Can you be in a “healthy” relationship if you’re not healthy yourself? If you’re not confident in who you are apart of your partner?

And discuss…
Themoonisdown

Read more Twilosophy!
Celebrate National Cougar Day with Rob and UC at Letters to Rob
Break it down more over at The Forum!

Picture from LA Times

  • Sal

    If we were breaking it down reality style…I thought I had my soulmate at 18, was married at 20 and then divorced fromsaid “soulmate” at 23..then found another “soulmate” broke up with him, then found my husband..notice I didn’t say soulmate because I’m too old to beleive in that crap…So do I think we all gorw and amture and cannot possible know at 18 who we are destined to be with? No

    BUT It’s nice to escape into a fantasy where it does exist.

    Ohhh and I guess I cannot hate Bella for boy-hopping..it was one of my most fave past times when I was younger…

  • http://tiffanized.wordpress.com tiffanized

    I never understood why she didn’t pick both of them. Maybe I’ve been reading too much fanfic, but they were both so willing to accommodate her in every way, she should have just said, “Boys, boys, there’s enough Bella to go around.” Keep Edward around for the gifts and emotional support, keep Jacob around for the hot, back-of-the-VW-Rabbit lovin’. It’s a no brainer.

    • Holly

      I so thought that too….after I started reading fanfic. I think it’s time to take a little break from the fanfic. But hell, that probably what I would have done.

    • http://tiffanized.wordpress.com tiffanized

      The thumbs down are messing with my head. Tell me–is it Jacob? Or non-monagamy? Foreign car sex? I have to know.

      • http://52faces.blogspot.com 52 Faces

        Don’t worry Tiff, it’s ugly people. They get you every time.

        Moving on to the “amen”…

        That’s what I’m talking about! Edward basically was like, “Woman, I’m so desperate after 90 years of being a sexy virgin that I don’t care if you sleep with a werewolf and have his baby.”

        Whereas Jacob (go Team Ethnic!) is like, “I’m kind of bigger and hotter and warmer. And my babies won’t eat their way out of you.”

        Yup. No brainer, indeed.

    • http://ask.com katilyn

      i think it was good that she chose edward and i got a ?. on the internet i looked up breaking dawn, and i seen jacob , belle ,and Edward.and i seen her and one of those kissing then she had a lil girl ? i dnt get it i guess i have to wait to see the movie cause NO 1 nos

  • Pinky

    Moon you are absolutely right. I think that’s what annoyed me about Bella the most. I mean seriously..who is Bella? Aside from a sniveling, reckless child. What were her redeeming qualities or gifts? I’m no grand feminist I could totally understand if she would want to stay home, make babies and take care of her man at 18. Hell…that’s my dream gig, but her personality didn’t even lead me to believe for one moment that she even liked children, yet alone wanted any and she barely wanted to marry Edward. She didn’t know what she wanted and that had everything to do with the fact that she was not only 18 years old, but a brutally immature 18 year old. I don’t care how Stephanie painted it. Cooking meals and doing laundry for your Pops does not a mature girl make.

    • themoonisdown

      amen amen… i look back on it now and dont know if i KNOW bella enough… do we project what we want to see in her since it’s a 1st person account?

    • MariaCecilia

      1. Bella is me, and you, and everyone. She is that space that we need to get into the story. She is vague and weak and normal enough so that we won’t think twice about stepping into her shoes. (And still some of us feel it irritates the hell out of us that she is in the way between ME and EDWARD!)

      2. When I was 18 I was the most grown-up and mature I had ever been. (Which of course was true of 15 and 23 too, but my point is, we always think of ourselves that we are mature, compared to who we were before, right?) I was totally ready to make all kinds of life-changing decisions, I thought. So of course that is Bella’s viewpoint too.

      The thing with Bella is, she doesn’t get a chance to mature even more, change her mind and go off Edward, because she gets turned into a vampire! Which is why he is totally right to try to leave her alone to get a perspective on the whole relationship. (But we of course know that that didn’t work, because this is fiction, and they are made for each other, right?)

      3. Bella as she is portrayed in Twilight, and as Edward sees her in Midnight Sun, is a girl who is emotionally contained, has never allowed herself to be needy, but always put other people first. Which is probably why she needs to completely lose herself in her first serious crush, and why she has such a hard time believing that she is lovable and taking better care of herself. She is one damaged kid!

      The Bella we see would probably be so much better off with a guy like Jacob, given her background, which is probably one of the reasons she is drawn to him even when she is totally messed up from losing Edward. But, as I said, this is fiction, and she and Edward are meant for each other, so of course she chooses the vampire!

      4. As I think Rob has said in interviews, his only possible take on Edward was that his perfection was only in the eyes of the beholder, aka Bella, and that he was really one flawed and tortured guy. (He is a murderer, after all!) And the only possible way to understand Bella is through Edward’s eyes in Midnight Sun, where he sees her as this totally selfless, good person. None of them probably deserve the other! Love is blind. The truth about them is out of reach, since the vehicle is this Love Story that cancels out realism.

      Ergo: Which is why everyone should probably look for their role models somewhere else….

  • Sarita Pagita

    Amen sistah! I seriously thought that Bella should really get a little more life perspective before she dives in with Edward, but then the whole romantic story and Isle Esme scene took over and I forgot about it.
    Just thinking about being with the guy I was dating at 17 makes me baby barf. Thank god I did have enough sense to break up with him and move half way across the country.
    At the end of the day, you’ve got to be happy with yourself alone to be happy with anyone else.
    And that concludes Deep Thoughts by Sarita Pagita.

    • maygirlg

      when you say half across the world..you mean you are from Asia, right? Oh I am from India. ‘Hi Sarita, nice to meet you.’

      • Sarita Pagita

        I moved 1/2 way across the country – from the midwest to the west coast of the US.

        But either way Hi maygirlg, nice to meet you too!

        • maygirlg

          lol. Sorry Sarita, its just your name sounds Indian. I am sorry for the misunderstanding.

          • Sarita Pagita

            np, it’s not my real name anyway. My real name is Ms. Pattinson (if you’re nasty). Ha ha. ;)

      • maygirlg

        *half way*

    • Frenchkatie

      So right you are! What we want at 17 is so different than 23 or more. At first, Bella just seems to “go along with Edward” and not seem to attracted to him. And Bella is not at all mature at all in the book. It’s “all her fault” or she’s so very NEEDY. She simply moops around until she’s either with Edward or Jacob. She needed to be happy with herself first before staying with anyone permanently and it doesn’t show at all in the series.

    • themoonisdown

      its like RUPAUL always said:

      if you dont love yourself how the HELL are you gonna love someone else?

      PREACH RU!

      #truth

      • http://www.tiffanygarcia.wordpress.com tiffany

        Moon you had me at “RuPaul”

  • http://www.regenbogenfamilie.eu Bärbel

    She should go and figure out herself. But I have to admit sometimes it helps immensely to have the right partner at your side while you’re trying to do that.
    And yes, I do believe in soulmates. Absolutely. Sometimes they are just not what you expect them to be. But I love mine even if we are a bit unconventional. Maybe that’s why I love Twilight so much.
    If I was Bella, I would have so gone out to find Edward again. Sitting around and moping doesn’t help anyone. And you don’t just let the love of your life disappear. No freaking way!

  • Rubytuesday

    I agree totally {my word today} with all the ‘Bella should have grown up more before choosing/marrying’ comments being and that will be made for REAL LIFE.
    But for the book and the escapism fantasy that I <3 twilight for, she was a blank enough character that I could flesh out with my own characteristics {which I believe is a large part of the Twi-addiction the other being DUH EDWARD}.
    So in the books leave well enough alone, there are a lot of things we would have liked to have tweaked-changed, but we are all HERE due to the way it was.
    In reality you have a daughter show her how to define herself through herself not boys and if she ever brings home a drop dead gorgeous pale boy , who is polite and mannerly put locks on her bedroom windows……as the Mother of Sons ….just saying………

    • themoonisdown

      “she was a blank enough character that I could flesh out with my own characteristics ”

      i think youve hit the nail on the target… she’s such an open character that i dont feel we know enough about her that we just give her our own characteristics and thats why we eat this shit up with a spooon. smart smeyers

    • Erica

      I agree with you in some ways, but in other ways, I have to think that the young girls and teens (who don’t have the wisdom of age on their sides, like we do) will read it and think “Yeah, I should totally hop from guy to guy never really thinking of their feelings but only my own” or perhaps “I’m totally going to marry the hottest guy I find who has a nice car”.
      Actually, you know what? I just summed up half of the world’s females (and males) regardless of age. Humans can be pretty selfish and shallow.

      I guess it’s just important for people to read the story and know it’s fake; to see that Bella, Edward, and Jacob all had their own flaws and shouldn’t be idolized as pillars of humanity, then we’re good and it can be such a fun read.

      Go Go Run-On Sentences!

  • summergirl

    Just finished BD again last night and realised that it ends less than 2 years after Twilight starts.

    WTF?

    Bellas hardly knows Edward, or Jacob. Or, as you say, herself.

    Not to worry, it makes a cute story anyways…….

    P.S. Am I right about the time frame pls?

    • Holly

      yes, you’re right. I’ve thought about this often. Mr. Holly actually pointed this out to me.

    • http://86rabbit.wordpress.com ’86 Rabbit

      Getting married around the two year mark is pretty standard. You can get to know someone pretty well in two years, especially if you’re spending nearly every day (and night) with them. Remember, there are a lot of times when the story skips forward by weeks at a time. In that time the characters don’t just evaporate. You have to assume they are going on with life as they had been, spending more time together, getting to know each other even better.

      • MariaCecilia

        Yes, and as we all remember, Edward did want to string her along for five years and put her through college before changing her, which shows that he, at least, had gained some insight into human maturity from his 108 years. In those five years, who knows what could have happened?

        But since we know that vampires are pretty rigid in their life choices, and since Edward, silly boy, had made up his mind that Bella was what he wanted, what the heck, let him have her. She won’t know what she is missing once she is a rigid vampire too. Live in dream land. I don’t care. *sulks*

    • themoonisdown

      i know!! less than 2 years! it’s so wild! i would like to see what could have happened if she’d stretched it out a few years… taken bella through college or at least more into adulthood.

  • http://s9.zetaboards.com/ejami_fans/ lovindashow

    This is the root of my “issues” with the saga. I fell in love with the rest of the characters, but I never fell in love with Bella. I know that she’s supposed to be the “every chick” kind of person, but I just can’t relate to her. Kristen talks about the character like she’s strong in her convictions, but I don’t see it. I think she’s incredibly malleable, easily impacted, and stupidly immature. It’s hard for me to even envision what could be an interesting story after Breaking Dawn. (I guess I should seek out some fan fic for this–anyone have any suggestions?)

    But yes, I would have liked to have seen Bella find some solace in some other outlet during NM, and I would love to be able to open up Eclipse and see her get some “me” time. I wish that Bella’s friendships with Angela and Alice were given more importance. It makes it difficult for me to reconcile Bella’s supposed maturity with her lack of self-identity.

    I don’t know. Maybe I’m forgetting what it was like to be 17. But I don’t think so.

    yay for coming out of lurkerdom! <3

    • http://letterstotwilight.wordpress.com unintendedchoice

      yay! great first comment!

    • themoonisdown

      lovindashow!! welcome out and i think i too never really LOVED bella, i just dealt with her because she’s the vehicle for the story.

    • MariaCecilia

      Yes, I saw Kristen saying that she thought that Bella was a strong character, because she resigned her power, and that was the most powerful thing a person could do. I thought about that a lot, and interpreted her as saying that, with Edward, Bella would always be powerless, because of who he was, and because of how she felt about him. She would always be at his mercy. And that giving herself up to the relationship therefore was a brave thing to do.

      I agree, partly, that it is a brave and powerful thing to renounce power, to let yourself be vulnerable in relation to another being. But I still think that it’s not quite healthy to give yourself over to a relationship with someone who has killed 40 people and admits that he is fighting the urge to kill you too. Powerful? Or just plain masochistic and self-destructive?

      Yes, Bella would definitely have been better off if she had first gotten some real friends and a life of her own before falling into Edward’s arms. And that is basically what he was saying to her all along ( in between being possesive of her). But, as I said before – this is fiction, remember….?

  • Proselyte3

    I was an idiot at eighteen. I mean it, a total spaz, flakazoid idiot. I did mention the tequila table dance in Mexico incident did I not? Complete with photo on said establishment wall? ………yeah.

    I had a life epiphany at around thirty-five. And I’d NEVER go back, not even for Rob…and trust me…he wouldn’t stand a chance.
    ;)

    • maygirlg

      Oh Proselyte..you’r hilar [this is way people say it now a days, right?] & you’r my fav.

      • Proselyte3

        xo

    • Pinky

      @Proselyte- Hahaha. I did the table dance at eighteen too! Except I was in Greece and the table was lit on fire and I just got finished smoking some strange herb that was given to me by an Australian in a big hat. Good times!

    • http://letterstotwilight.wordpress.com unintendedchoice

      i wish we could go tequila table dancing tonight

    • lapushbaby

      I kind of want to go FireTable dancing, now….

    • Proselyte3

      Tequila, tables, flames, questionable herbs, Australians…it’s on girls! That would be some party.

      • lapushbaby

        I’m already planning my outfit.

    • Rubytuesday

      I never did the table dance and was all sensible and ‘mature’, {missed out on a good bit of fun}, but although I’d like Rob…. I’d not go back either I’m likin the cougar stage immensely…rwar….
      <3 you Proselyte3

      • Proselyte3

        kisses Ruby! RWAR!

    • calliope

      is it wrong that i’m STILL table dancing?!?

      and yummy… tequila.

      • Proselyte3

        No, but there must be photographic evidence or it didn’t happen. And you might want to consider eating the worm. :O

    • themoonisdown

      oh i think that pic is like a right of passage for az gals… the drunk mexico border town story!

      • Proselyte3

        So true Moon, so true girl.

  • robsbobcat

    I can’t shout out a bigger ‘AMEN’.

  • http://thebrowniequeen.blogspot.com/ Marta

    I was in a pretty serious relationship at 18 that lasted almost 3 years. The talk of marriage and babies always came up. We really thought we would be together. But guess what? Life happened. I was a year older and went of to college. Then he went off to college a year later and things started to change. Our break-up was mutual, saying that we needed time apart and if things were meant to be, we’d be together again (don’t you always say stuff like that and then it never happens?) In short, we were growing and maturing and needed to experience things that weren’t tying us down to another person. It sucked (Also, because I found out he started dating s/o at his school almost immediately. Hello, complex!).

    What I’m saying is that, I agree. I am DEFINITELY not the person I was then. I was naive and sheltered and scared. I’ve grown quite a bit. I am still single, but now know that I am ready to have a relationship that *could* lead to marriage and babies (well, none of those for me actually).

    On the flip side, there are those that find their [soul]mate at a young age and it works out. It really can’t be generalized to everyone, because every relationship is different.

    I do think Bella is mature for her age, but at the same time, how could she make such life altering changes at that time in her life and KNOW that it’s what she’d want years (in this case, forever) down the line? And that is why this is fiction. FICTION. I believe she should have been by herself for a while, but that would not have gone over well for the story. There wouldn’t have been much of a story at all. We’d end it at New Moon, Bella goes off alone or with Jake and lives a normal human life. BO-RING! It needed to be spiced up, so that’s what SM did (not that I agree AT ALL with all her plot developments).

    So, yeah. Those are my thoughts. Sorry for writing a book. :-P

    • themoonisdown

      it IS ficition thats good to remember.

      my thoughts, she finishes out new moon by herself, we skip ahead a few years and we come back to jacob and edward when she’s ready to make those decisions

  • maygirlg

    at 18 – i had life challenages & struggles to deal with. no not from 18..since i gained a sense of self actually. even then if i had found the love of my life at 18 or 19, i don’t think i would have been ready to be married & have a family of my own no matter how much I knew about life or not. im still learning from life experiences & about myself. right now at 22 im still not ready to commit to a relationship let alone- marriage & related responsibilty. heck i didn’t started dating yet after diaster disapointing dating history of age 19 & 20.

    but then again this is Edward & Bella’s story. This is a fantasy/fiction story. If SM’s didn’t write the way she did, who knows whether we would have loved it as much as we do right now. plus fanfiction world takes care of the what if’s part in twi-world.

    Moon, I think you should write a mature Bella’s New Moon story. This could be an interesting one.

  • JellybeanRainbow

    Team Jacob here!
    He was there, he was warm, he was hot (” hot, back-of-the-VW-Rabbit lovin'” !!!! ) he was into her; any normal 17 old would have chosen him.
    And maybe broke up with him later or maybe not.
    But at that moment, he was the right person for her. Immature and young and, did I mention, hot !

    • http://letterstotwilight.wordpress.com unintendedchoice

      I love me some Edward, but I’d so be Team Jacob if Edward wasn’t so amazing. SO I gave you a thumbs up

  • lapushbaby

    I was not the most mature 17 year old myself, so the thought of picking someone to marry at that age is difficult for me. I was in NO way ready to make that kind of commitment then…That’s just me.

    I TOTALLY agree that Bella should have ‘found herself” first, before getting SO serious SO quickly, and even when I was reading the books I was saying stuff like, ‘hmmm, the feminist in me feels like I should hate this, but the romantic in me is enjoying it so much!’ (yes, I over-analyze things, it’s why I LOVE Twilosophy days!!)

    That said, I think SM’s argument against this was to set it up that Bella had been the ‘adult’ in her relationship with her mother for so long, that she was overly mature in the first place. When she moved in with her dad, she was still in a caregiver role, and always put others first, it was kind of ingrained in her. The first chances she got to be the one to be taken care of, she jumped on it. It’s kind of understandable, in a way.

    JMO
    :-)
    Love Twilosophy day!!!

    • themoonisdown

      yes me too! the feminist and the romantic war in my head during these books but obviously we know who won out!!

      i think it was smeyers intent to say bella was mature but her actions never reflect that! mature maybe in that she can run a house but not emotionally mature by ANY means!

      • lapushbaby

        It’s true, she was mature in her ability to study hard and perform housekeeping duties, but in that way, she was busy doing all that all the time so she was almost so sheltered, she just needed to CUT LOOSE. And go do some fancy cliff-divin and motorcycle ridin’!!! ( and leg-hitchin’)

        • Proselyte3

          leg-hitch!

  • http://letterstotwilight.wordpress.com unintendedchoice

    Moon- gettin’ all serious on us! I love it. I never had the Bella hate that so many do… and I think it’s because I am a dreamer & I dreamed my life would be like Bella’s when I was growing up- two hot men to choose from, married young to the hottest of the two, child ripping from my womb 3 months later (okay THAT wasn’t the dream, but the young love was) THANK GOD it didn’t happen! Because my 18 year old guy is not the guy I should have ended up with .. AT ALL….

    Great discussions you Independent Women you, Moon
    XO

    • themoonisdown

      child ripping from your womb. LOVELY!

  • http://www.lulaville.com Leigh Anne

    I love Bella and Edward and the entire story exactly as Stephenie Meyer wrote it. As it’s fiction and fantasy and I’ll not argue with that.

    And thank God I never had to “find myself.” FFH sang it best…”You, You found me…You found me and You called me from the wilderness…”

    Yeah, I’m singing CCM up in here. Don’t act like you don’t love me for it. And don’t roll your eyes. Sing with me!!!!!!!!!!!

    • tiffany

      bells just needed to find jesus.

    • kjp

      I’m right there with you Leigh Anne and I always love your posts! I love the saga even though it’s not how I would have done things which is good b/c that would have been one boring story.

      One thing…you lost me today – I have no idea who FFH is or what CCM is but I still think you’re funny.

      • lapushbaby

        “– I have no idea who FFH is or what CCM is but I still think you’re funny. ”

        me too, lol.

        Future Farmers of Holland?
        Creedence Clearwater Mothership?

        :-)

        • http://www.tiffanygarcia.wordpress.com tiffany

          Six words ladies let me educate you.

          Far
          From
          Home

          Contemporary
          Christian
          Music

    • Proselyte3

      LOL!

    • themoonisdown

      just because we have jesus doesnt mean we won’t wander AND wonder all our lives about who we are and what makes us tick.

      thanks jrr tolkien!

  • PinkFluff

    Some could argue that we are all ever-changing. So why is 18 different than 22? Or 25? We’ll have changed ‘again’.

    I would agree that we are ever-changing. However, the changes that happen between 15 and 18, 18 and 21, and 21 and 25 are SO different. I think that in most ways these changes are what mold us to who we become as adults.

    But that’s how it works, right? At 15 we think we know EVERYTHING….and find out we don’t. And we still keep that egotistical mentality at 18. What could grown ups know that we possibly don’t?! Finally somewhere around 23-ish you decide that you don’t, indeed, know it all.

    I find that the people marrying at 18 and remaining married is much the exception not the rule.
    Jacob was perfect for her. He was there, he didn’t hurt her in the name of ‘loving’ her. HE was the realistic match for her. Sometimes love isn’t enough. Sometimes the one we want the most, that we feel we love the most, isn’t the one that we end up with…or the one that we are supposed to end up with. But I didn’t know THAT at 18 either….

    Edward WAS hot though….

    • themoonisdown

      OMG!!! i love it! pink fluff!

      “Jacob was perfect for her. He was there, he didn’t hurt her in the name of ‘loving’ her. HE was the realistic match for her. Sometimes love isn’t enough. Sometimes the one we want the most, that we feel we love the most, isn’t the one that we end up with…or the one that we are supposed to end up with. But I didn’t know THAT at 18 either….”

      preach

  • http://thechroniclesofemilymarie.blogspot.com Emmeloowhoo

    like many of you, i was engaged at 18
    i was voted “most likely to have the most children” by our 10 year reunion. this is a high school where two girls my senior year already had 2 kids!
    I am in such a different place and while I understand about finding mr. right vs mr. right now… everyone wants their knight in shining armor.

    but if my knight’s armor is rusty, made out of tinfoil, or lost in the woods because he wouldn’t stop to ask for directions… I’ll be ok with that. everyone has baggage. I’m not settling, I’m just looking for “Mr. My designer baggage matches your designer baggage”

    • maygirlg

      Agreed. We need Mr. Right and not Mr. Right Now in real life.

  • http://www.tiffanygarcia.wordpress.com tiffany

    I’m with you moon. I almost got married at 22 and even looking back five years ago I was so confused about what I wanted (hence the broken engagement) thank Jesus I didn’t marry him! He’s totally not the rockstar he used to be. Plus he is balding hardcore now. (Sorry I’m shallow but I need me a good head of hair to hold on to!) I don’t think anyones ever really ready for a relationship but hey dude humankind has to continue somehow and we are all flawed humans so ya gotta deal with each others stupidity and baldness (sorry to those who have bald hubbys). I understand why bells would feel torn in new moon but I never could understand why she was so torn at the end of eclipse. I mean come on. Compare the hair! My little pony half ponytail on Jacob and friggin “she rocked me all night long” sex hair on Edward no question in my eyes.
    Wow this post in random. Running on 2 hours sleep.I just called in “sick” at work. I think I will go back to sleep and then lay by the pool for the rest of the day.

    • maygirlg

      friggin “she rocked me all night long” sex hair on Edward – love it.

  • Holly

    Mr. Holly and I started dating at 17. We got married at 22. We have 2 beautiful daughters, and now at 29, were still married and very much in love. He actually bought me a dozen roses yesterday (I just threw up in my mouth a litte, reading this back). I do fully realize, however, that this does not work out for everybody. I also realize that it could end tomorrow….or when Rob calls. I think my husband and I are just really lucky, not that we don’t fight, we fight like cats and dogs on most days. If I had married the guy I was dating before him, I know it would not have worked out. I think it’s all just a crapshoot. But I generally agree with the post today. Bella should have figured herself out and had some “me” time. But when Edward starts avoiding Bella to watch Asian porn and the marriage just doesn’t work out, can you imagine the alimony?! I’m just sayin’.

    • Rubytuesday

      Girl, I firmly believe it isn’t about marrying at 18 , 22, 32 or 42 etc …..it’s about growing and changing TOGETHER afterwards that makes it work as we continue to grow all the way through life…..OK enough serious I’m get ting to the forum to check all the hot Rob pics that everyone is posting hhhmmmmm……

  • http://robmyworld.com Amber

    Maybe my story is a bit different. I actually dated, went to college with and ultimately married my high school sweetheart. But we had to do a lot of growing up together, and I mean A LOT! Much of it was on my end, and we had our ups and downs for sure. One thing we did that was smart, we waited till we both had some grow up time before we got married. We were together 6 years and I’d finished college before the big marriage, and that made all the difference in the world, since we are still together today!

    I always thought Edward pushed the marriage a bit hard. But he was an old fashioned kind of guy, so I understood that. I did not understand Bella giving in so easy. I mean, Edward had been around for the past 100 + years, so he knew times changed. She didn’t push her point very hard when she really should have. Edward would have waited. But I don’t hate Bella for making her choice. It was her choice to make and I think in her situation, it may have been the right one.

  • K

    I completely agree with you… if this was about a situation that was in any way realistic. But it’s not. She’s not just choosing between to regular joes, or between a hollister model and an abercrombie model; she’s choosing between a werewolf and a vampire, who happen to be to spectrums of the greatest guys in “existence”.

    Yes, it would be ideal, fantastic, and possibly even common sense for Bella to tell them she’s going stag for a while so she can learn not to be insane. However, considering the factor that these two men are the world’s most perfect men, would you be willing to “find yourself” first if it meant possibly loosing your chances with one or both of them?

    I guess I would have to agree with Bella on this one. I hate all of her other decisions, but I can’t hate her for not wanting to lose everything. I think I WOULD hate her if Stephanie pulled a “it’s not you, it’s me, I have to find myself first” on both of them. Besides, if Bella made a smart decision for once, the books wouldn’t be a saga, they’d be a duet.

  • newtonandyorkiehavethebestlinesEVER

    i’ve only read the first two books but, have you read my mind?

    yes, i totally agree with you. i believe you can only have a happy relationship if first of all you can be happy by yourself.

    she’s all independent, sure of herself and stuff before she meets edward, but then they date and when he left her, he kind of ruined her. yes i just said that, he ruined her hahaha

    and then she turned into this emotional retard in the way that she depends on guys and can’t really make up her mind and just wants to DIE.

    but i gotta say that this aspect of her is intriguing to me. i’m so not that, and all her behaviour is kind of interesting for me to read (huho).

  • JodieO

    I know that *I* am a much different person than I was at 18 and always thought Bella, for allegedly being so mature, was a bit impulsive. But let’s not forget that Bella was written so that every decision she makes turns to gold and she was the bestest new vampire evaaar, AND she fought off the bad Volturi army with her sheild of awesomeness. She probably could have decided to drive her truck around the country picking up hitch hikers and it would have worked in her favor.

  • http://chaos.wordpress.com/ chaos

    I hope somebody will write a novel with a better (more independent) example for young women. The concept of “one soul mate” to me is just silly. Out of the millions of people living on the planet there’s got to be more than one person who’s compatible for each of us. It just depends on who you choose.

    • themoonisdown

      write it!

  • Frenchkatie

    You have hit it on THE thing that disturbs me about the entire Twilight series!

    Altho I’m a huge fan, I am also a parent to a 20 yr old. To think that an 18 year old would be ready to make a life time commitment to a guy is just craziness let alone flip from one to another!! She is “SAVED” by Jacob?

    Yes, Bella needs to find herself and it’s so obvious that she hasn’t in the books. She is written as a very dependent female with low self-esteem and NO confience at all. I changed so much from 18 on that it’s amazing. I was more independent, confident, better self-esteem and knew what I wanted by mid-20’s.
    Remember this was written by a TRUE MORMAN woman and they tend to be very traditional in many ways!! Women need to become strong, know themselves, experience independence & self-awareness well into 20’s before making a life-time commitment to one man!!

  • litlving

    Yeah, I couldn’t understand why she chooses to be dependant.. she really pissed me off with those decisions… but Meyers somehow made it in the end, that I acknowledged Bella as strong and conscious woman

    loved these two.. moon, it’s like you’ve read my mind :) :
    “Bella needs to find herself before she can ever really love”
    “what’s missing is something that is only fixable by YOU, inside YOU! “

  • Lindsayloo

    My 1st comment too! “Yay for coming out of lurkdom” as someone put it so perfectly :)

    So I agree completely! I am 25 but I was a completely different person when I was 17-18. Like most women up above, I had a b/f for 4yrs and thought we’d get married, etc, but we grew up and grew apart. I needed the separate time to make myself happy and was able to be a better person in my next relationships.

    I kept finding myself frustrated with Bella and her indecisiveness and a tad of immaturity, and with her not ready/wanting to Marry Edward, etc. Of course I love the Twilight Saga to death, but I agree Mooon! :)

    • http://letterstotwilight.wordpress.com unintendedchoice

      WELCOME Lindsayloo!!!

    • themoonisdown

      HI Lindsayloo!!! welcome!

  • http://86rabbit.wordpress.com ’86 Rabbit

    Other than to ask what you would have done if you had met Edward at 18, I think I’ve said everything I can possibly say on the subject of Bella on my blog.

    http://86rabbit.wordpress.com/2009/04/17/why-bella-isnt-weak/

    • kjp

      Well said – that posting made me want to have you over to my house and discuss it while drinking lots of wine!

      • http://86rabbit.wordpress.com ’86 Rabbit

        I somehow missed your post. I just wanted to come back and say thanks. So, Thanks!

    • http://86rabbit.wordpress.com ’86 Rabbit

      Ok, no, I have more to say.

      All of us have infinite possibilities, endless roads to choose from. I love my life now, my life as a single, though attached, 38-year-old divorced woman. I’m loving my independence. That is not to say that if I had married my boyfriend at 18, that I would not have been just as wonderful. Surely I would have turned out very differently, but I would have been the person I was meant to be if I had made that choice. I didn’t make that choice though. So I kissed a few more frogs, married my prince, who later decided he wanted to return to the pond, had a hole in my chest for a while, and then found my ‘Jacob’.

      I believe the photo above is the crossroads for Bella. That moment where she almost chooses Jacob. If she had chosen him, I think he would have imprinted on her on the spot, with her vampire issues being out of the way. Then she would have had little choice in the matter because he would have been her ideal no matter what. But she chose to run with vampires instead. Everything worked out in the end, and she and Edward are each other’s ideal because of the choices they made in life.

      What it boils down to is that it’s fantasy. There is destiny pulling at the characters, making them behave in ways even they admit is crazy. Bella and Jacob are constantly saying, “Ok, this is nuts, we have to stop this,” but they just can’t help themselves. Edward give Bella some room to choose but then just can’t help trying to manipulate the situation to his advantage. They’re doing exactly what people do, only it’s amped up with the supernatural.

      • themoonisdown

        for sure! and it’s all said with a grain of salt because we’re trying to discuss reality as it pertains to a FICTIONAL story which is obviously a flawed attempt but fun to think about anyway. at least to me.

        i dont think she’s a weak girl for the most part, i just think this is a hindsight is 20/20 thing for me, knowing what I know now, I wish i could pass that info/experience along to bella as she’s faced with such extraordinary circumstances.

        • lapushbaby

          I never saw Bella as weak, really, especially since when she becomes a vampire, she becomes a totally kickass one, with the coolest power ever!

          ….and honestly, if she had spent any more time dithering over Edward or Jacob, this would have been a 6 book series I would have lost interest in at about the 3rd book…and THEN where would we be? I ask you!!!

    • litlving

      quite a good of a “bat for Bella” :)
      yes, all the things you noted made me see her as strong.. she never changed her mind.. so stubborn, but smart..
      however, I really didn’t like her means to an end

  • Amy

    Bella chose herself? What is she on 90210? Kellys the only idiot that choses herself when she has 2 hot guys that want her.

  • http://likereallyblog.blogspot.com Alex

    so i finally found some time to watch thirteen. and i’m sure you really want to hear a detailed description of my feelings throughout the movie. so here you go. stop begging, moon.

    at first i felt dizzy. the angsty camera angles and “organic” filiming played tricks with my eyezzz.

    then i felt deja vu… if deja vu can be a feeling. nikki (duh) and bella’s mom ( i can’t believe i don’t know her real name!) were both in the movie. i don’t think cathy has many friends and she only casts her friends/the kids that she’s molesting in movies, so she ends up using the same people every time!!

    then i felt understood. even though i’m not a crack addict or the child of a divorced hairdresser who lives below the poverty line, i am a teen. and we basically all hate the world and what not. i really owe evan rachel wood a lot. she gets me.

    but, in all seriousness, i liked it. nikki can actually act. who woulda guessed!?
    AND ELTON FROM CLUELESS SHOWED UP, TOO! WHAT!?!

    • http://86rabbit.wordpress.com ’86 Rabbit

      That movie definitely made me dizzy. CH and her odd angles! Also, I’m sure that’s where the Vanessa Hudgens rumors started. She’s in 13.

      • http://likereallyblog.blogspot.com Alex

        yessss! vanessa hudgens AND that asian movie surfer!
        brill!

  • Jax

    I think this is what makes the first book the strongest in the saga. Bella actually starts out pretty independent. She’s crazy-insecure, but also funny, intelligent, and she pretty much demands that Edward tell her what he is. In reading what there is of Midnight Sun, it seems like these are the qualities that makes Edward fall in love – he notices her spirit and only then realizes how beautiful she is. I feel like as the books go on it becomes more about her clumsiness and blushyness and her inability to measure up. The insecurity becomes less relatable and more annoying.

    I’m taking this way too seriously, aren’t I? Le sigh.

    • Jax

      I’m also going to clarify that I started dating my husband when I was 19, we married at 23 (and I’m 27 now). I knew we’d be married 6 months in, but we had been close friends for a long time before we started dating, too. So yes I believe young love can last, but you *do* have to know and accept myself.
      My ex before Hubby – well, I was all Bella-ish with him, and that was a disaster.

  • Kristin

    It pisses me off but I hate to say I kind of get it. I get how you can think someone is gone forever and get close to someone else and then not know how to shut those feelings off completely.

    As far as “knowing” when you are young. I am a far cry from where I was 8 years ago (I’m 25) but my story is unique in that I “knew” he was the one when I was 15. We’ve been together ever since and happy as pigs in shit. (haha, does that make me sound midwestern?).
    However, I am also very much a believe of that whole “live in the present” theory. I can never say what will happen in 2 years, 2 months or 2 minutes from now. EVerything can change in the blink of an eye for a myriad of reasons. So I just enjoy what I have now, throw a cushion down in front and in back of me incase I fall either way and live my life.

    Bella it seems becomes less and less sure of herself. More over at the end of BD, I don’t even feel like she is the same person. Of course things change, everything they go through, but after he comes back they should be closer and I don’t get that feeling at all. I know they love each other, etc…but I agree with JAX, after reading midnight sun, the girl Edward fell in love with, is not who he marries.

    WOW. Serious much? whew. I’m mentally exhausted nad I have to finish packing for our camping trip! Great post today, Moonie :)

    • Kristin

      I can count I promise. I’ll be 26 in a few weeks..so I just rounded it up to 8 years since I was 18 :)

    • http://86rabbit.wordpress.com ’86 Rabbit

      “Bella it seems becomes less and less sure of herself. More over at the end of BD, I don’t even feel like she is the same person.”

      And yet people say there is no character development in SMeyer’s work. :)

      Personally I think I might have been doubting myself too. Bella grew up taking care of herself and having a boring old time, then moves to boring Forks, falls in love with a vampire who she can’t get out of her head no matter how she tries, gets chased by other vampires bent on killing her slowly and painfully, gets dumped by her vampire boyfriend and has a hole in her chest for months, finds out her best friend is a werewolf and sort of falls in love with him too, gets chased by more evil vampires, gets engaged, gets married, almost dies having a half-vampire baby who grows freakishly fast, gets turned into a vampire, finds out she’s freakishly strong and talented, and then gets threatened by more vampires and finds she has the power to save the day. Yeah, all that would probably make me doubt a few things about myself too. I dare say I would not be the same girl I was a year or two earlier. Edward’s not the same boy, either.

  • http://chaos.wordpress.com/ chaos

    Bella is the perfect “every girl” her whole personality is based on self-sacrifice, which is exactly how girls are socialized to be—-to serve their man.

  • brittany

    OH MY GOD. I ALMOST SCREAMED WHEN I SAW THE PIC :D

  • sustain

    Great thoughts moon, You bought up so important points. It does seem a little bit of a unhealthy message Steph gives young girl. “define yourself by the man your with girls!”
    Only point I have thats a little different it…. well… Bella didn’t go looking for eather of this boys. She was quite content in her her old soul by herself. She like being by hersalf even. It seems even more so after loosing Edward. But jacob is relentless. I’m guessing after a few months alone, she thought for a moment there that he was a nice boy and thought she would give it a go rather than let it pass by. You can’t pick and choose when things come to you in life and lets face it who would pass up a little hottie like jacob, wrong time or not. You know what they say.
    “Best way to get over a man it to get under the next” ;)

  • sprakinyt

    i think bella tried hard to make the most out of every situation she got herself into. she did not get married because she thought she was mature enough to be married. she agreed to get married because she was mature enough to compromise with edward’s principles.
    boy hopping was a process she had to go through to really know what she wanted. :-) how do we mature, anyway? by going to college? by having a girl/boyfriend? by cooking for our family? by getting married at not18?
    bella is not a thoroughly mature person (i don’t think she ever claimed to be), she isn’t YET! it would be unfair to assess her maturity at 19, don’t you think? but you have to give it to her that she is ALSO able to make sensible decisions. (like choosing Edward, hahaha!)
    on the part that bella defines herself in relation to the men in her life, can we be technical here? like blame smeyer for not really building her personality in a “holistic” way? ahahaha! everything gets easy on the mind if you blame smeyer. seriously, why don’t we just look at it as a phase in bella’s life, that her search for herself involves defining herself with the man she wants to be with.

  • sy_lopez

    I couldn’t agree more with you!! Married what I thought was my other half at 19, divorced by time I was 23…so I found out that I had no idea who I was at that age. I had no buisness getting married.(I wish someone one would have yelled that loud enough for me to hear) Now I am 29, fairly comfortable with myself and confident with who I am now. The reason I love Twilight so much is because its not the way its suppose to be…now I am just waiting to meet Rob so we can go on with our lives…lol(btw, love you guys!)

  • blackrose

    My first relationship at 18 came after battling depression for 18 months. I was in no way ready for a relationship at that point, but didn’t realise it at the time. I cried through NM because a lot of the anguish and recklessness that Bella was feeling really did hit home with a lot of what I was feeling during that time (and another period of depression since). I was in “need” of someone to make me feel good about myself. Prior to my depression, I was happy being with myself. Since then, I can only describe myself as a serial monogamist.

    The first relationship was only 3 months long. I wasn’t feeling wanted enough, and moved on to the next one. I was with him on and off for four years. I knew he was wrong with me, but I didn’t have the strength to walk away.

    I’ve been with several others since then, most of whom I have walked away from (only one left me, and that was during the thick of my last bout of depression). In between relationships I would use guys for sex, just to make me feel better about myself.

    Then I met the person who is now my fiance. I’m now on the downhill slope to 27. I sometimes wonder if I would have chosen my fiance if I had been “whole” at the time, simply because I NEED him in my life. He may not be the most passionate person, and that may suck at times, but he is stable, he is 100% there for me, and doesn’t force up all these unwanted feelings that other men have. I love him for all those reason alone. And because of that, I was able to face all the demons that caused the last bout of depression, and I beat it.

    So yeah, I agree with everything you said. Both Jacob and Edward would have waited for Bella to get her life together, because they loved her so much. For all the love she had for Edward, she still felt inadequate, and that she wasn’t enough for him; that she was out of his league. Someone that was well put together shouldn’t have felt that way, IMO.

  • elissa

    ok, well this is just a book. its fiction. girls read these boosk for pleasure, not for looking up to for a role model. and no one really knows when u are mature. some people mature at a lower age. I beleiev from oy hopping, tha tshe is finding herself. she needs to know what she wants. and so she cant decide. so its just a book. so theres no point in getting mad at how she acts.

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