Praying and Fasting: For a better New Moon

new-moon-poster-kristen-stewartDear intelligent LTT readers who know better than to love a Young Adult novel & its poorly made movie adaptation but love it anyway,

Comic Con is over. We saw the new clip. We’ve seen the new pictures. The official website is up, and so New Moon time is ON.  It’s time we start our “Fasting & Praying for a better New Moon” which is a phrase we borrowed from our friend Lula who is doing a similar concept with her Twi-pals.

You’ve heard us say it countless times- We love Stephenie Meyer & the world she created. We love Robert Pattinson’s portrayal of Edward & (some of us) love Kristen as Bella, but a LOT about Twilight the movie just plain BLEW.  Buttcrack Santa? Thank you Melissa Rosenberg for writing him in because he’s my favorite character to make fun of, but really? Oh gosh, you’ve all read our blog- I don’t need to keep going- you know what we hated about the movie.

I saw Twilight 5 times in the theaters and have watched the DVD 3 times now (once with the commentary- I know! That’s nothing) and each time I watch it the more embarrassed I am that I spent over $50 at the movie theaters (plus all the money I spent on popcorn- b/c I can’t see a movie without out- seriously. Even if I just had popcorn for dinner, I’d still get popcorn in the theater)

We recently got this email from an LTT reader

Dear Melissa Rosenberg,

Twilight was a joke movie. I love Twilight and have seen it 800,000 times because (of Rob) of my love for the books, but to be honest, it’s a really terrible, second-hand embarrassing movie. The first time I watched it, I had not read the books yet, and I walked out. Of course, after I read the books I went back and watched it 3 more times in theaters. I had been contemplating whether New Moon would be just as…lame for lack of better words, or would it actually live up to it’s explosive hype? Of course, it doesn’t matter, it will still make bazillions in the box office, Twihards around the world, including myself, will watch it multiple times in theaters. But with the AMAZING trailer and all the set videos and visit reports, will the movie end up being an actual good movie that humans beyond the Twiworld would be able to enjoy? I have been pondering this question for awhile, and I had high hopes, because of new direction, a bigger budget, and Rob. But then I remembered. Yes, the director has been replaced (love the coug, but my, my was the directing terrible), and the stunts and make up will actually look professional this time around, but I’m sorry, the worst part about the movie was…THE SCRIPT. It was all your fault. Well not all, but you play a big role in why Twilight was unintentionally hilarious. The dialogue was SO incredibly cheesedick. Come on, “How you likin’ da rain grrrrrrrrl?” It’s not ‘hip’ to talk like that anymore. Nor was it ever. “Any cold…wet…thing…” Really? REALLY? You couldn’t come up with something better to respond to how ‘shez likin da rain?’ And why does Edward HAVE to show Bella he’s sparkly after she says it…OUTLOUD (that made Edward sound like a douche btw). Oh dear, MelMel, you really butchered it. See, because of you, not only do Twihards get made fun of for liking the books, but they are REALLY looked down upon for liking the movie. You should be ashamed of yourself. I really, really hope you watched Twilight yourself, realized how much you assraped the script, and wrote a less parody-like screenplay for New Moon. Stop smokin’ da herb grrrrrrl. Thanks.

Love,
me.

MelMel: At fault? Or another victim of Cathy Hardy's wacky ways?

MelMel: At fault? Or another victim of Cathy Hardy's wacky ways?

So I have to ask. Was it the script? I think that was a huge contributing factor.  So our first prayer & first object of fasting is for “MelMel,” as the email writer called her, to step it up a notch & lay off the ‘suck’ with the New Moon script.

I think she can do it. I mean, she’s got a pretty impressive resume up on imdb. She wrote for Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman for gosh sakes! I wanted to do Sully before I even knew what ‘doing’ meant. But seriously, she’s written for The OC, which like it or love it, is a brilliantly written show, and she is currently a writer for Dexter. I’ve only seen a few episodes and they’re creepily awesome, but it’s one of Moon’s favorite shows and she agrees that the writing is very creative & well-done.

So she’s obviously experienced, although those 3 shows I mentioned (yes, I wasn’t kidding about Dr. Quinn) are all TV shows, and I understand the process is different for TV versus film. Moon argues that she thinks ‘the cougar” (aka Hardy- Catherine Hardwicke) may have had a lot to do with botching the script & added some of those cheeseball lines we all cringe to hear. Admit it- the first month or two you made excuses for those lame lines like “LA Push it’s… La Push” and “Purple’s cool” saying they were “cute” and ‘just a few high school kids playing around.” But by now, we’re over making excuses- we admit it- those lines sucked big time. Did “MelMel” write them in? Or was it Hardy’s fault?

I don’t know and I doubt we ever will.  All I know is that it’s Monday night at 9:51 pm and I just had myself a cupcake (of course), a glass of wine (fine 4 glasses), half a bag of pirate’s booty, some pasta, shrimp fried rice & an apple because my fast starts tomorrow and I’m not going to eat much from now until November.  And I’m holding my eyes opened in preparation for them being closed in a three and 1/2 month prayer that MelMel figured out a way to best write the script so that Chris Weitz can represent those empty pages with just the names of the months listed when Bella is barely surviving visually and beautifully so that not a single sound is heard in any theater across the globe on November 20 other than the sound of heart-broken, sobbing Unicorns & women.

Only 114 more days until I can eat again,
UnintendedChoice

What do you think? Did Melissa Rosenberg have a lot to do with Twilight’s issues? Are you worried about her involvement with New Moon?

Fun Fact: I drafted this post days ago, and when I went into it last night to do a final edit & schedule for today, I noticed I called the screenwriter: Melissa ROBsenberg

Moon loves Rob. And wrote him something special on LTR
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  • Jarsgirl

    Anyone that can make Dexter as brilliant as it is deserves credit. That being said, although there are moments that are obnoxiously horrible in the movie (like pretty much anything Mike or Eric say and thank goodness Lauren wasn’t put in the movie!!!), she did do a good job (I think) with tying up a huge chunk of the book into the forest scene. That was pretty impressive to take that much information spread out over many chapters and make one scene (albeit the acting by KStew sucked in that scene, but I’ll get to that later) and really, if she hadn’t done that, we would never have that kissing scene ~swoon~.

    Melmel deserves some credit. She ain’t half bad. And I really think too that now that she’s had more time to delve into the books and see the characters more clearly, the rest will be awesome (well, except for Breaking Dawn because even Shakespeare couldn’t write his way out of that one! yikes!).

    No, the culprit is Hardy. Though her casting will go down in history (and rightfully so I think, for the most part – except for Nikki Read), some of the acting and what she brought to the project was horrible. Cases in point: James always jerking his head every time he breathed (LAME), KStew in the forest – not once did she make me believe that she wasn’t scared and actually wanted to be there (and really, could her voice BE more monotonous?), the make-up (c’mon, don’t tell me she didn’t realize she put gray heads on pink bodies… sheesh – Carlisle was the worst!), the effects (have you ever noticed how much of a really crappy editing job was done on the van accident scene?), and finally, just the fact that she is such a weirdo all add up to a crappy attempt at putting a great story on film.

    The one redeeming factor of Hardy is this: One of the most beautiful amazing scenes I have ever seen on film is when Edward is sucking the venom out, right after Carlisle says, “Edward stop. Her blood is clean. You’re killing her.”, Edward grabs her arm, desperately, you then hear him take a deep breath and continue drinking, as if lifting his mouth away from her wrist would kill him – just that 1.5 second of film made it worth it. I’m speechless and breathless every time I watch that moment (and have to rewind like 7 times per viewing). It’s absolutely stunning.

    Though I guess you could say that it is because Rob is so amazingly talented that the scene works…

    Yeah, I like that better.

    Hardy sucks. :) hahaha

    PS – I love KStew. Really. I think she is going to blow us all away in New Moon.

  • AmyAlmost

    I don’t know, I liked the movie and found the book writing a little bit cheesy. I’m one of those people. I tried not seeing this movie for a long time (Vampire teenagers? pah–lease), was more excited about the Boat That Rocked ads (love Kenneth Brannagh) but when I did see it, I really liked Hardwickes work, of course with understanding the budget restraints and some cheese lines they put into high school movies aside. I liked the detail she put into the sets.

    And I also like Kristen Stewart – but I have a theory on that. She’s half-Australian and we love our own kind.

  • eleni
  • Brookelockart

    I LOVED Dr. Quinn. I had a crush on Colleen. I also protested and fasted when they replaced the original Colleen on the show. MelMel, hope you had nothing to do with Colleen being replaced. I may have to put you on the list.

  • dramaqueen144

    I think it was probably Cathy who mucked up the movie but Melissa must of written SOME of the cheesy lines. Spidermonkey was strange but the other ones were verging on creepy. Rob made the right choice even if it sounded so wrong.
    I’m really looking forward to seeing New Moon. Chris Wetiz sounded like a cool guy at comic con especially when he said he decided to work on New Moon because he was stalking Robert Pattinson for the past six months. I just hope the Fan Girls don’t scream to much when any guy walks on to the screen.

  • Bleriana

    Actually I think it was our favourite Cougar… cause I remember a interview or smth… and she said that she made a few designs for the “spidermonkey”-scene and that she was really happy that he choose the spidermonkey line… Anyone remember ?

  • http://86rabbit.wordpress.com ’86 Rabbit

    “…figured out a way to best write the script so that Chris Weitz can represent those empty pages with just the names of the months listed when Bella is barely surviving visually and beautifully so that not a single sound is heard in any theater across the globe on November 20 other than the sound of heart-broken, sobbing Unicorns & women.”

    Aro, hear our prayer!

  • MariaCecilia

    Oh, heck, I don’t know what to expect.. I agree that the dialogue, and the way it was delivered, was one of the main problems with the movie, but like some good people have already pointed out, lots of the crappy dialogue is Stephanie’s, and it was one of the things that made me not fall in love with the book the first time I read it. Steph isn’t such a hot writer, but she has got a really good mythological storyline on her hands.

    Watching the first New Moon trailer made me cringe too: the few lines Edward and Bella had were up there with the most uncomfortable ones in Twilight, in terms of painful and stunted delivery, but I will not pass judgement until I have seen it all.. (I have not yet seen the Porsche scene.)

    So, maybe it’s time to take toll again: why are we into this, when we didn’t like the director, the scriptwriter, the author or most of the cast? What IS wrong with us anyway? Couldn’t we go and enthuse over Dostojevskijs “The Idiot” or Andrej Tarkovskijs “Stalker” instead? :-)

  • person_of_words

    seriously i think the movie could have been wayyyyyy better…i don’t care wat kind of budget they were working with…the majority of the book was bella&edward talking and learning about each other…and told about carlisle…hardwicke totally wasted money on the stunts for this film when bella&edward spent most of their time learning about each other in his car her bedroom&&on accasion her kitchen and the more then infamous meadow…wat’s up and i really think she could kept the script for the most part the same as the book!!!

  • Charlotte

    Holy shit I just realized why I love Twilight. I am random and loved the movie before I read the books. But, I am literally obsessed (still to this day- thank you Gospel Music Channel- wtf?) with Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. And the fact that you wanted to do Sully before you knew what it meant… sigh. I think you and I are soul mates.

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