I know that when you saw this picture today you said, “oh UC & Moon have got to Break that Down Vanity Fair style.” Duh. Of course we did. And welcome Kristin, our fab forum mod & viagra spammer killer to today’s Breaking it down:
Moon: OH. MY. GOD
UC: what!? is this your first time seeing this picture?
Moon: this pic!! no AGAIN. it’s my second time. It’s like almost a little much
Kristin: it was my first time.
Moon: VIRGIN- Relax! Breathe! Do what feels right, Kristin
Kristin: well he looks pissed
UC: Well, he has a hard on
Kristin: and she looks half dead
UC: and he can’t do ANYTHING about it. And in her defense…. she is half dead…
Kristin: and he totally has blue balls.
Moon: Omg- I’m just staring
Kristin: he’s like. “damnit Bella, I wanted to have to rip your shirt off and administer CPR!”
Moon: like how’d they make a near drowning SEXY?
UC: I e-mailed The Quad earlier today and said this, “Can we speculate what’s going on during this image? cuz I don’t believe the book described a scene quite this sexy when Jake saves Bells, so what do we think? Took a lil’ shower together? Jacob is too tall to scrub his feet so Bella helped him out?’ Cuz it def seems a little more ‘sexytime in the shower’ than ‘i just saved your life from a vampire standing over you while you were drowning in the cold water’
UC: EastFriend responded “He had his 1st wet dream about her, forcing him to take a cold shower. Bella stepped in to wash his back.
They were getting their Gene Kelly on. Just singin’ & dancin’ in the rain. Then Bella slipped & fell, of course, so Jake had to rescue her. It was a poignant moment, hence the serious expressions on their faces.
See? I can be dirty & clean! It’s a gift. Seeing both the sexy & pure sides of the same situation. ”
Kristin: Bella looks kind of “whaa just happened”- very damsel in distress. Makes me want to punch her. just a little.
Moon: DO THAT NOW. DO HIM. Edward left your ass. DO IT
Moon: dude bella & Edward are on WAY more than “a break”
Kristin: she can blame it on the “near death experience” !
Moon: he has to forgive you
Kristin: I always have sex after I almost die.
Moon: oh ‘oops he saved me and his tongue ended up in my mouth. ‘ OOPS. All i can imagine is a drops of water coming off his hair and hitting her
UC: her ears look big
Moon: such a hot visual
UC: so do his muscles
Moon: his nose looks big- look at his MOOBS
Kristen gets real honest after the jump
Kristin: can I be honest?
UC: although… i’ll be honest… you know i’ve been feeling Tay these days.. but he looks baby face here
Kristin: i think I might…just a leetle…be hot for him
UC: umm hi. we are too
Moon: yes he looks young!
Kristin: i know you are too- and I resisted. But now. with this pic. I kind of want to “rough him up behind the dumpster”
UC: WHOOA!!!! confession! PERV ALERT! haha jk
Moon: my new motto: LEGAL IN GEORGIA (no longer “he’s only 17″) Chris Hanson so has our addresses right now
Kristin: yeah. I’m what, only 8,9 years older. hardly cougar territory
Moon: not at all! thats like older mentor territory!
UC: big brother/big sister!
Moon: show him the ways… teach him about a woman
Kristin: and that vein in his neck..I kind of want to lick it….yes in a mentor sort of way. I could teach him things….
UC: you went down to the the activity center- just to be a big sister, but instead… well…. “Legal in GA”
Moon: we could teach him things while licking that neck vein
UC: just a little lick from the mentor. Edward would love that neck vein
Moon: i’ve NEVER been into muscle-y dudes but this is hot
Kristin: ME EITHER!
UC: right. i love the dorks. big time, but dang. Tay’s got it going on
Moon: i like skinny nerdy boys
Kristin: i like them lanky and dorky…and especially if they walk funny.
Moon: like if one legs shorter than the rest
Kristin: and can’t button their shirts correctly
UC: okay but let’s discuss the SCENE…. first of all.. it’s a shitty photoshop job…. look at his armpit… they sliced it up
Moon: his arm isnt that small
Kristin: haha, I would also like to talk about why they are kind of in the forest.
UC: well, that’s the bad PhotoShop job
Kristin: like far in the forest. not how I pictured it
UC: they were clearly at the beach. and then they just ‘shopped them out. and put them in the forest, but forgot part of his armpit along the way.
Moon: Or it would be indecent to have post drowning sex on the beach in la push??
UC: That’s true. Quil would see. with that little girl he imprinted on.
Moon: Quil and Claire- building a sandcastle behind them while Bella gets penetrated
UC: look at you- pulling “Claire” out from nowhere! you win dorky fan of the day award!
UC: but what i REALLY want to discuss is… i mean.. really? the scene is this sexual?
Moon: nah but they had to up it
UC: Do you think Steph is rolling over in her grave err comfy water bed? I mean, I like it. It needs this- I’m all for pg-13 sexual stuff
Kristin: I wonder if the whole movie they have those awkward close moments where they MIGHT kiss and then don’t- like a disney movie.
UC: like in high school musical you mean?
Kristin: YES. Exactly.
UC: seriously.. pisses me off that they don’t kiss. I’m like… dang it… i’m watching a kid’s movie with my 6 yedar old niece.. KISS HER GAYFRON
Moon: GOD NM is gonna leave everyone all frustrated
UC: We should commission FanFic based on this pic
Kristin: we should totally. It could start with a twitching in his pants watching her take gulping breaths and her chest heaving…ahem.
Moon: and the drop of water rolls down her chest… and he watches it
Kristin: and brushes her hair to the side…
UC: and then Claire yells “Big Brother Quil- what are they doing!?” and screams, running away.. crying. And Quil thinks “Someday.. you and I will too, my little Claire bear” Then we all get creeped out…cuz imprinting is weird
Moon: OMG SICK
UC: Steph wrote it. i didn’t
Moon: chris [hansen]!! I’m calling him myself
UC: send him over- I will send him DIRECTLY to steph meyers house
Kristin: I think that the stills were hard to get because he kept humping her- “Jacob, please hold still…and stop whimpering”
Moon: this should be a gif- a couple of HS kids dry humping on the beach/forest
Kristin: a humping gif
UC: with a little girl screaming in the background- not understanding. Poor Claire
Moon: and a wolf running by- Go home Claire- we’ll bake you cookies
Kristin: poor little Claire! Lets go home and make smiley face pancakes
Moon: shes the real loser in this whole picture scenario
Well, what do you think? Hot? Not? Does it fit the book the way Steph wrote it?