Unicorns: Where've ya been?



Dear Unicorns,

Oh where oh where have you been? Are you in unicorn land poking all the hottest female unicorns with your horn? It’s been so long since we’ve come across one of you reading Twilight to your son on a plane or wearing an Edward Cullen T-shirt to the gym. We miss you. Come back & visit us. Be like these guys:

Not Proper Twitiquette (but possibly okay during a Unicorn Drought)

A few weeks ago, I was at the local grocery chain, doing my weekly shopping. On my way out the door, I crossed paths with what I could only describe as a walking cry for help. A middle-aged, nerdy, rather-greasy man walked into the store, displaying his Twi-love for all to see. He wore a black Edward t-shirt, complete with quote, “What if I’m the bad guy?” His wife, walking in beside him, strangely had no Twi-gear on (unless she also keeps her Edward pin affixed to her bra). As you discussed, THIS is not proper Twitiquette. -Ldawg

Jacob’s into cars n’ stuff

Onto my Unicorn-in-Training story. After many months of plotting, I was finally able to convince my hub to just give the first book a try. Oh, it took many discussions on the merits of a teen, vampire romance as a metaphor for first love, forbidden fruit, all the rest. And a promise of some…erm…reward at the end if he finished it.

So, it was slow-going at first, but to my surprise, he actually seemed to be enjoying it; to the point when at night if I tried to talk to him in bed he told me, “honey, I need to read a bit.” Wow! Occasionally I’d get questions like, “What is Bella’s problem? One day she’s mooning over Edward, the next she’s pissed at him!” I even got, “Are they going to do more with Jacob in the others books? I really like how he’s into cars and stuff.”

When he finished the book, we had a truly meaningful discussion on it, and although he told me not to get my hopes up, he said he’s actually interested to see what happens next! Am I a lucky gal or what?! –Ldawg

Read more after the jump

They can fly!

Me – Wanna watch a movie?
Irish – yeah Oceans 13 is on tv – I haven’t seen that yet
Me – hmmmm
– I know what your going to say….
– Do you want to watch Twilight
– No i don’t want to watch that pile of dung
– It’s not a pile of dung, I want you to watch it so you know what I’m talking about
– you only watch it to perve – I find that disgusting!
– no i don’t grinning – I just want you to watch it so u know what I’m talking about
– I know what it’s about, Edward falls in love with some chick, then he says “what am I” and she says “Vampire” and then they fly through trees and go blah blah blah and then a pack of vampires tries to get them, but they don’t so Edward wins… and then in the next movie that fella turns into a wolf and I guess they fly through more trees. -Irish’s gal

Figure of speech

He had listened to me ramble on about the story line of the books while I was reading them, so he somewhat understood what I was reading about.  After watching the MTV movie awards with my friend, and screaming like a 13 year old the whole time – because let’s be real, that was like a 3 hour Twilight fest – I told my hubby I wanted him to watch the trailer with me. He obviously did not want to, but I swayed him with “Well you’re seeing this movie at least once with me in November, so you may as well know what it’s about!” So, he gave up and sat down on the couch to watch it with me. He was quiet for the whole thing until he sees Jacob running and morph into a werewolf. He then goes,

Holy shit! He actually turns INTO a wolf?! I thought that was like a figure of speech or something.


Bob the Macho Man

My friend, we’ll call him Bob, is a macho I-don’t-read-books-ever-especially-not-Twilight kind of guy, and he surprised me with a text the other day saying how he was really bored and saw his sister’s copy of Twilight laying around and decided to pick it up. Mind you, I had to pretty much drag him to see Twilight in November, although he did come out of it saying it was a good story.

A week after the first text saying he started the series, he texted me:

Well I finished the Twilight saga. Such a good book series.

I asked him if he was grossed out by the last book?

It was interesting to say the least. Jacob was pissing me off though until he imprinted on Nessie. It ended awesome tho. Makes me sad that I’m not immortal

He also said:

I do believe she should write more books. However I won’t read them right now. I read too much lately and another love story might do me in.

I asked him which book was his fav:

I would have to say Breaking Dawn. New Moon was my least but Breaking Dawn’s got everything in it. Love, suspense, all questions answered, fairy tale ending that makes your own life feel like shit. I mean, really, it’s not even a contest.

He went on to say:

I don’t know what I’m going to do with my time now. The book made me feel like life is so short though and fragile and that we have so little time. That’s reading into it- haha- but it does.


Oh My Stars

EastFriend’s Man: Anything exciting happen today?
: Um…oh my stars, Stephenie Meyer mentioned UC & Moon’s site on her own site today.
Her man
: Stephenie Meyer? The Twilight lady?
: Yes. Isn’t that amazing?
Her man
: Why hasn’t she mentioned them before now? They’ve been around for a while…she’s late to the party. Didn’t we know they were cool a long time ago?

Obviously EastFriend’s man is our new fav. #1 because he knew who “The Twilight Lady” was and #2 because he’s right. Steph was late to the party.

Searching for a Rob-icorn of my own,

Wednesday Goal: Go find the guy my dear friend, Jen, told me about- It was the lightening round on “Who wants to be a millionaire” (you know where you have to answer the fastest?) Question: Put the Twilight books in order. Only THREE out of TEN got it right. The winner? A dude. Yep. A real live Unicorn with a chance at willing a million dollars. Do you think he was wearing his lucky Alice Cullen wife beater? Get us a picture of him, preferably modeling his Rosalie whitey-tighteys. GO!

Read all about Unicorns here (are you new? Prob a ‘lil confused? Read our first Unicorn sighting here)

We love your Unicorn stories or stuff your guys say about Twi! Share them in the comments or e-mail us (oh- We’re like 3-4 weeks behind on replying to e-mails, so we PROMISE we will, but you might need to be a lil’ patient! SORRY!)

-If you’re new, our FAQs are a good place to start!
-If you’re like a sweet girl who e-mailed us yesterday with her Twi-virginity story, looking for new Twi friends, try The Forum BestFriendShips have been made there.
-If you just wanna laugh your ass off, go to Letters to Rob (hopefully Moon didn’t write one of those tear-jerker posts for today!)

Rob-icorn image by the brilliant Will at NewMoonMovie.org & EclipseMovie.org

  • fangedinforks

    My husband is a unicorn all the way. He surprised me with the audiobooks last spring and then we planned a fantastic trip to Forks and Portland for our anniversary sans our 3 kiddos. He even participated in several photo ops that included props…yeah yeah I sold him my soul for that one. He has since read all the books and rarely does a day go by we don’t have some twi related conversation. I can’t complain! He used to tease me about my obsession, now I’m teasing him 🙂

  • StageManageThis

    You know, I take sneaky iPhone pictures of Unicorns on the NYC subway and tweet them all the time. I’m a ninja like that.

    • BrookeLockart

      Yay for your first comment on here ever! now you must do it more frequently. OR ELSE.

  • FullyAlive

    My husband is NOT (I repeat NOT) a Unicorn but he did brave a Spencer’s to buy my daughter a box of Twilight candy hearts (which were beyond gross). When he went to the register the guy gave him a funny look to which my hubby replied “Dude. I am not gay….I have a 12 year old daughter.” The guy looked at him and said ” Sure you do.” I just wish I was there!

  • cledbo

    My other half also read the books before I did. One of his coworkers kept raaaaaaving about them, and he feels he can’t pay something out until he’s experienced it (he did this with Harry Potter – made it through the first book and hasn’t stopped ragging on it since). So he read all of them in 2 weeks.

    I was then paying him out for being a lame 13 year old girl, and he made me read them. And here I am. ‘Nuff said.

    Also, he found the New Moon trailer and made me watch it (it was awesome), and also got Twilight out on DVD for us to watch (I secretly watched it again while he was at work one day 😉

    I only recently overtook him in subversive Twilight behaviour – though he caught me reading Midnight Sun, and later after I’d had a shower and came out he was reading it to.


  • southernbelle

    Well my DH tries to dress like Edward, does that count? 🙂 Well actually I buy his clothes for him.

    He has yet to read Twilight. Everytime I talk to him about he tells me to not talk about it because he will read it. Well it’s been months and he has yet to even glance at the books…so I’m not keeping my hopes up.

  • themoonisdown

    HHAHA this post is SO win. i love unicorns and things guys say about twilight!

  • Krystle

    I loved this: “Holy shit! He actually turns INTO a wolf?! I thought that was like a figure of speech or something.”

    LMAO!!!!! 🙂

    Also loved “BOB” ! So great to hear a guy take away the same experience. =) Why do guys always have to pretend to be tough? So lame..

  • THparkle

    My ‘lil bro is half unicorn. –He digs the movie but has yet to read the books.
    LOL @ limeslice . I’m going to tell my boss I can’t come due to ‘Newmoonia’ and the only way to cure it is to obsessively go on as many Twi blogs as possible.

  • leahcyr

    These made me laugh my face off..

    ” and then in the next movie that fella turns into a wolf and I guess they fly through more trees. -Irish’s gal”

    “Holy shit! He actually turns INTO a wolf?! I thought that was like a figure of speech or something”

    lmao. silly non-unicorns.

  • RoseE

    My dude’s not a full-on unicorn… YET. He’s watched the first film and knows he’s in for the next three. He’s accepted his fate.

    He does, however DAILY feed my Robmania and Twidiction by purchasing every shred of available printed material on anything having to do with Rob or Twilight. No lie. He’s actually called me while at newsstands or bookstores to ask me which edition of Life & Style Weekly he last bought me or if I have the SFX Special VAMPIRE Edition with Rob on the cover… It usually goes something like this:
    Him: “Hey, sweetie! Listen, did I already get you that ‘UP CLOSE LIFE STORY’?
    Me: “Let me look… um, what are we talking about? Churchill?” (He’s a WWII history buff… idk.)
    Him: “No darling. That guy you’re in love with. That vampire guy, Robward or whatever.”
    Me: “What’s it say on the cover, dear?”
    Him: “Robert Pattinson… An Ultimate Tribute to the Vampire Next Door? That one.” mutters*tho why anyone would want a vampire next door*
    Me: “Get it.”

    End of convo.

  • LovesEmmett

    i met a most unlikely unicorn a few months ago. we have this fire system at work that needs like three phone lines plugged into it. there was a problem with it so a guy from at&t came to check things out. so i took him back into the theater then went back to the front desk to work. and by work i mean talk twilight with my co-workers.

    this guy comes back upfront and looks all excited. and asks us if we’re talking about twilight. not to be age-ist or sexist, or size-ist, but the guy was this huge dude in his late 40’s if not 50’s. i guess i am age-ist, sexist, and size-ist cause i was totally taken aback.

    so he tells us his sister gave the books to him and he absolutely loved them. he jumped right into our conversation about whether or not there would be more. he is the only guy i’ve ever been able to talk twilight with. it was a good time. he’s looking forward to the jacob/renesmee saga.

    and no, he didnt fix the fire system…oh well. it was worth the visit to know the unicorns do exist!

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