To Catherine Hardwicke, Chris Weitz, David Slade & whoever has the horrific job of making Renesmee come to life on the big screen,
A Warning not to mess with Twihards:
Moon: Can you EFFING believe David Slade and the props department for Eclipse? I mean, do they think we’re blind or something?! That Volvo is CHARCOAL! CHARCOAL!!
UC: I know, I mean.. that’s almost as bad as if Harry Clearwater had famous SHRIMP FRY or something
Moon: Or Newton’s ran a SHOE store and not an outfitters. Helllloooo we’re fans- We’re the readers. We’re gonna know this stuff!
UC: Do they think we’re Vampire Diaries fans or something? Ugh
Guys- learn from Cathy the Cougar’s mistakes. There were soooo many inconsistencies between Twilight the book and Twilight the movie.
- In the book, Bella’s first day at Forks High School is on January 19. In the film, her first day is in March. This is a MAJOR issue. MAJOR problems could happen because of the different dates. I can’t think of any right now, but I know it’s a MAJOR big deal.
Bella’s mom painted the kitchen cabinets YELLOW to bring ‘sunshine’ to Forks. The cabinets in the movie were WHITE. WHITE! What would it cost? Like $3.00 paint them yellow? You could’ve made Rob eat what craft services made for 3-4 days and cut his hot pocket budget back to make up for the lost $3.00.
- And in the movie when Bella entered Biology class and talked to Eric about getting her playlist for prom, she started to walk then pauses to look across the room towards Edward. In this shot the Armadillo is not on the shelf, and only what looks like a piece of paper is hanging there. Then the Armadillo appears on the shelf only after she has sat down at her desk and Edward moves the microscope towards Bella saying “Ladies first”. What is WRONG with you? Did you remember the Armadillo and then FORGET the armadillo? What? Are yo- NO! NO! How, I don’t even know what you’re say- How Ho- Whadya whayda you talking about, yo- want me to go away- I, I, I can’t, I can’t I I can’t just leave – I just don’t even know what to say….
- And I was extremely offended by Bella’s outfit in the movie when she goes to meet the Cullens for the first time. Jeans, a green top & a jacket? How do you think Old Navy felt when they saw that? They stocked up on khaki skirts in every store expecting to sell out because girls would want to look like Bella from the movie. They didn’t even sell one (oh wait- Cathy the Cougar bought one because she felt bad) Old Navy ended up donating them all to some orphanage in Russia. Those poor Russian girls (and boys)… walking around in mid-nineties styles.
- When Bella sees Jacob at the prom in the movie, he hasn’t grown significantly like in the book. Why!? WHY would you do that to us Cathy the Cougar? Did you not read the book? Jacob is supposed to grow! Jacob is a WEREWOLF! Werewolves aren’t small little baby boys. WHY!?
- Speaking of the prom, WHERE were the rest of the Cullen kids? This is a BIG DEAL that they weren’t there! A BIG DEAL.
Chris, David, poor chap who will have to make a fake baby look real, we’re fasting & praying that you do better than SHE did…… And to YOU, David Slade…. how dare you make the Volvo CHARCOAL. Chris… I better not find out that you make the Newton Outfitters employee vest YELLOW instead of Orange.
How we really feel after the jump
In case you can’t tell (you definitely need to read this article, if that’s the case) I really don’t care about the color of Edward’s Volvo. I care about my friends, world peace, vintage dresses & that Edward is so breathtakingly handsome I try to hump the movie screen. Black Volvo, Blue Volvo, Purple Volvo, I could care less. I wanna cry in New Moon & miss Edward so badly, and I better see a leg hitch in Eclipse. AND the kiss with Jacob better be so hot that I consider switching teams for a second. Yes, I’m talking to you, Kristen Stewart. You better bring it so bad that I forget to utter “legal in Georgia” and instead utter “UCsten”
The real conversation:
UC: Black Volvo? Are people freaking?
Moon: Yes. CALM the eff down. It’s a car he got out of. and WHO CARES. It’s like yellow cupboards all over again
UC: Ugh… things we don’t care about: the color of cupboards. The color of cars.
Moon: Get your priorities in order people. I just want the major plot points to be covered
UC: Things we should care about- our friends, world peace, health care reform, and how hot Rob looks. If they decide black is better.. it’s for a reason
Moon: exactly it’s SOMEONE ELSE’S artistic vision of what the movie looks like not an EXACT replica of Steph’s saga- PLUS Volvo may have said “here’s what we have take it” I care about going grocery shopping right now cause I have nothing in my cupboards and not about the color of Bella’s jacket. One cannot exist on Twi alone…