How to be a fun celebrity

Dear Twilight cast members who are absolutely no fun (read: Kristen Stewart & Robert Pattinson),

What’s your problem? Can’t you have a little fun? Sure it’s annoying having people run after you so you can sign a book that you had absolutely no part in writing. And some fans (read: most fans) are absolutely crazy, but it’s your life. And it’s not going away. So why not laugh about it? Otherwise, you’re just going to be running away for forever. And while all that running may produce a kick-ass gluteus maximus, who needs tight buns when you’re just hiding away in a dark hotel room all day long? (if you’re doing something with those tight buns in the dark hotel room, that’s a different story…)

If you want to trade positions, I’m willing. (positions in life- I’m no longer talking about tight buns) I’d be such a fun celebrity.. like Fach- Peter Facinelli. That dude knows how to be a celebrity the right way. He joined twitter, started tweeting back & forth with fans and before you knew it, some dude he knows is in a bikini on the street in Hollywood! Peter’s a good time!

I’ve put together a list of ideas on how to be a fun celebrity. Take my advice & your life will be so much more joy-filled, less stressful and you’ll be able to show off that gluteus maximus in public, instead of hiding away in a hotel room.

  • Kellan, will you ask that pap to sign my book?

    Kellan, do you think that photographer would sign my book?

    When you’re running away from the paparazzi and you jump into a cab, kiss the cabbie.

  • Tired of people thinking you’re with so-and-so just because you were seen together near the used lingerie section of VanCity’s finest thrift store? Hold hands with your bodyguard. And skip. (if you’re feeling extra funny, slip your new, used panties over the bodyguard’s head)
  • Carry around a Twilight book and have one of your cast members sign it right in front of the paps. OR ask the paps to sign it.
  • Stop fearing the paps- LOVE on them. Carry around a notebook & write little messages for them. “I like it when you call me Big Papa” (tell Big Daddy Lautner about that- he’ll get a kick out of it) or ‘Breaking News! I’m a hermaphrodite” or something simple like “I love the paps.” If you’re not feeling up to risking ending up as the latest freak mentioned in the National Enquirer, write about a charity- “fightpovery.org”
  • Get an official twitter. You wouldn’t even have to tweet often. People would still write you every day and wait for you to say “Damn that steak was good” or “My dirty hair is starting to itch” (psst there is even a setting where you can turn OFF replies from people you don’t follow! Protection from the fangirls!) Plus you could tweet lies like “Headed to 100 monkeys tonight- Man i Love them!” and instead run back to that thrift store because you forgot to pick up matching flannel pajama pants.
  • Drunk Tweet. Billy Black Burke (that was not an intentional mistake) does it the best:

    Just sitting here in my hotel room with uncomfortable images of PFach and Lutz together in a tandem lotus position. mmmm, dreamy.

    What the…?

Kstache

I love little boys, and Twitpic

  • Once you have a twitter, get yourself a Twitpic account. Photoshop yourself with a mustache. Or photoshop your co-stars with a mustache. Upload the pictures.
  • Be touchy-feely with fangirls. Well, the hot ones anyway. I happen to think Kellan should be a lil more choosy with the fans he loves on. Pick the hottest ones (we do exist), get a lil smooch and maybe, if you’re feeling dangerous, even a lil’ more. Or kiss your co-stars who don’t get enough attention. Have you SEEN Christian Serratos lately? Dang…..
  • Put it out there on Craigslist like this guy. Don’t be ashamed if you have a strong want for a gorgeous Asian boy. And even if you don’t want a gorgeous Asian boy, pretend that you do. Cause you know that some pap will reply to the ad and set-up a date with you so they can catch you and sell the story. But the joke will be on them. Dress up like a vampire (I hear you may know somewhere you can swipe some clothes & make-up), set up some candles & romantic music, get your video camera ready with a live feed to your tinychat for twitter and open the door and say “Mama taught me how to make you ‘meow’ ” The pap might not get  it, but we all will.

Stop being a sourpuss couple. Be FUN celebrities! Learn from Fach, Kellan, TayTay and whoever is 26 and looking for a lil’ gaysian lovin’ to pass the time!

Happy to help!
UnintendedChoice

Who are your fav fun Twi-lebrities?

Discuss who wants a gaysian lover on The Forum
See if Rob did anything funny over on LTR

Pic Source and Thanks to Fatima for mustache-Kristen!)

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store
  • http://www.regenbogenfamilie.eu BB

    I am totally with you on this one. They really should take it a bit easier and have some fun. I mean seriously, this whole hype is so absurd that it can’t last forever. Enjoy it as long as you can. Make fun of people. Give them something to talk about. Go storm on some MTV stage and say something wonderful like: all the twilight twilighters should have gotten the award. They are the hottest hottness ever. Or do you little single ladies dance right next to Beyonce. I’m sure she wouldn’t mint. I mean seriously. Whatever. People are nuts. Be nuts too.

    • Sherry

      You’ve got it right. Also, aren’t we pretty sure they are getting very, very, wealthy from twilight and all these appearances? A little info and a smile for the camera is small payback to the fans who have given them this lifestyle. The money they earn will likely take care of them for the rest of their life.

      On the papparazi, don’t they make more money on rare candid photos? So don’t make them rare!!!!! Let them take all the pictures they want. Stop and talk to them! Pretty soon the market will be saturated with Rob and Kristen photos, the paps won’t make money on them and they’ll move on to the next “mystery couple”.

  • http://www.regenbogenfamilie.eu BB

    PS: Love KStew’s dyke mustache.

    • dazzledtodeath

      perfection

    • Kate

      She looks like a Frenchman! She needs a ciggy dangling from her lip.

    • chimaera2009

      She looks like Sean Penn!

  • JodieO

    Tired of the paps hanging around outside your house/hotel? Pull a Lohan and throw food at them! Chase them with the hose! Or waterballoons! You don’t even have to have good aim for those waterballoons. You could even add red dye and have a really fun time! You know you want to…

    • sassysmart

      I bet Rob throws like a girl…in heels…and long acrylic nails.

      • JodieO

        Totally! It’s why I suggested balloons instead of eggs. With waterballoons close enough is good enough.

  • krazykidd

    All I gotta say is that PFach and Kellan are super nice, fun and hilarious!!! Billy Burke…he’s just a BADASS!!! I should know I met Kellan at one of the shittiest conventions which I shall not name!! LMAO PFach = Mike Dexter…AmanDUH!!!! Kellan = I totes rubbed his abs when i took a pic with him and he totes bear hugged me!!! :D Billy Burke showed up hung over and was signing autographs all kindsa tow up from the floor up!!! LAMO

    • krazykidd

      P.S.
      I remember the good old days when Rob was this fun…but a combination of the paps, the crazies, and a certain 12yo boy with a femullet…the life and laughter is being sucked right outta him!!! *super sad face*

      • Libby

        *super sad face*
        you are totally right.. he used to be this fun…

        I bet he can totally do the best drunk tweets…

      • niahid

        You took the word right of my mind. I miss the old Rob

        • Shleeeigh

          Me too.

  • e

    I totally agree at this point too. They look so sad all the time. Unfortunately I think some of the crazy fans have gotten to them. They are probably scared that if they smile or touch each other there next life will be written in some Robsten Fan fic or something. So gross. But they should just have fun with it, the hype will die down. It already is.

  • http://notanaddikt.blogspot.com notanaddiktbella

    So true, they should be a little more loose… We’ll end up being totally irritated with them for acting so “i never intended to be famous, this all just sorta happened”-y.

    Rob should make a Twitter account and bet with PFach that he can get 500,000 followers within 3 minutes, and make PFach dance around in a bikini if he wins (and dance around in a bikini himself if he fails – would enough girls be able to suppress the urge of following him long enough to see that happen? I sure would!)

    • sassysmart

      Only if he agrees that the bra of the bikini is coconuts.

      • http://notanaddikt.blogspot.com/search/label/TwilightRehab Alice – Not an Addikt

        And if he promisses not to drunk-tweet while we’re not following him

    • Kate

      I bet his and Kristen’s posts would be super lame! They’d be all “wise beyond their years.”

      • tiffany

        Hahaha totally I love howshe patranizes Taylor by calling him a kid and telling him he has so much growing up to do I’m pretty sure when she reaches her late twenties/ early thirties and realizes (as we all do or eventually will) that she doesn’t have anything figured out she will look back on her interviews and cringe at her attempts to sound wise.

  • Moonbun

    This is so true… the rest of the cast (that we actually care of) is quite fun. PFach is awesome and mix him up with a little Kellan and viola! You’ve got yourselves a laugh (I still remember Kellan carrying Peter around on piggyback pretending he was Edward carrying Bella).

    And yes, they should get to do some fun stuff while they can still get away with it (KStew BROKE her MTV award and ppl still thought she was “goofy” and “endearing” … what other proof do you need?)

    Good morning to you ladies! (It’s 6:40am in CR ^^)

  • Shleeeigh

    PFach is the best twi-lebrity! Have so much love for any man that uses the phrase ‘Oh My Carlisle!’ – especially if it IS Carlisle.

  • PinkDolphin

    I heart PFach. Know why? Cuz Mike Dexter is a GOD!

    Kellan is the cast member I most want to hug.

    Rob and Kstew…ugh. I think they feel overwhelmed (and I don’t blame them), but they need to learn a better coping mechanism than looking pissy all the time. They’ll get reps for being unapproachable. Unapproachable = not marketable. Not marketable = no work, which = sadness for me.

    That being said, I still have an acute fondness for Rob and refuse to give it up!

    oink

    • Donna

      Mike Dexter IS a GOD!!

      FAAAAAAAG!

      …somebody in there just called me a fag!

    • http://twifans.com msmonkeyman

      Mike Dex is a GOD! and Kellan gives a fabulous hug.

  • katiebird

    The tweet from Billy Burke was hilarious!!! Can’t wait to see what scenes he will steal in New Moon and Eclipse.
    I do think that Rob and KStew are taking things too seriously. I wish that they would realize that if they just admit that they are together, the hype would die down almost immediately. Keeping it a “secret” is what is fueling all this crap. They are doing a lousy job of hiding it right now, anyway.
    I do believe that they deserve a private life, but right now, people want to know them. If they think that this will last forever, especially KStew, they are wrong.
    Screw the paps… Learn from Peter, he seems to find the balance.

  • http://www.twitter.com/saritapagita SaritaPagita

    If you ever played the game shun, shag, marry on here – PFach would be my marry fo sho! I <3 him hard!

    This post was brill! Totally agreed about CSera – she is gorge and Kells is such a man-whore (but love him for it).

    Robward and Kriella need to get some of their game back because they are almost some of the lamest celebs out there. Grow some balls you too and get out there in front of the paps! We need some fodder for our laughs. And who cares if you're 'complex' as Kells suggested…I think we can follow.

    • Rubytuesday

      Also {and sorry to be being old and ancient here} how “complex” can these two be? She’s a 19 year old girl who {seems} to have lead a normal life and Rob may be 23 but his life certainly doesn’t appear to have been complex…..
      Of course we don’t know about any trauma’s they may have experienced {most celeb’s nowadays have, so who knows} but going on what we know now it should be fun, fun, fun all the way…..

  • Rubytuesday

    “Be touchy-feely with fangirls”
    “Pick the hottest ones (we do exist), “and pick the cougars {aka me}, we might not be the hottest but we are certainly fun and can we RAWR!!!!

    Love this post and totally agree how he handles it {thatswhatshesaid} will make all the difference.

  • Elizabeth

    I agree….they need to be more fun, even if they do something and it ends up on the cover of a magazine, who cares? pretty sure magazine’s come out every week and people will have forgotten by the time they see the next issue.
    Mix it up a little maybe don’t wear plaid for just one day and walk around in a 3 piece suit and a top hat with a pimped out cane.
    Maybe take advantage of the fans (not like that sheesh). Make up some stupid dares and put them on Twitter and get people to send in their 2nd hand embarrasing videos so you can have a good laugh at them.
    But PLEASE just do something remotely interesting, that is all I ask.

  • bobbygee

    I love the mustache and side burns. They are very hip. http://bobbygee.wordpress.com/

    • obird

      yes, bobby the teenstache is all the rage with the hipsters! :) bobbygee for prez.

  • Sarah

    I’m not liking the grumpy new version of Rob. I also think his face is looking too thin. Somebody feed that boy some more hot pockets!

    • gizmo

      I agree. It’s time for Big Daddy Lautner’s intervention.

      • sassysmart

        DId you know that Filet-O-Fish’s are worse for you than a McDonald’s hamburger?

        I learned that on TMZ and then researched it and damn if they weren’t right!

        • gizmo

          Well obviously Big Daddy goes for a hamburger on his healthy days. And everybody knows to stay away on those days, he’s bitchy as hell.

    • sassysmart

      I was wondering…since Bella in Twilight is a vegetarian is Kristen one?

      He could not be eating any cheeseburgers cause she guilts him out of it…could be why he’s too thin.

      I’m totally National Enquirer speculating here.

      • southernbelle

        What? I don’t remember Bella being a vegetarian!

        • sassysmart

          Wasn’t it discussed in the commentary? About how she was eating a garden burger and only eating salads the whole time….did I make that up?

          • ItsLauraHoney

            You did not make that up…she nibbles on a pea pod, a cucumber and some other rabbit food. They did go into it in the commentary and Rob was having issues with Hailey from Paramore eating a “Gaaaaden buhgar”

        • sassysmart

          The movie…not the book.

          • southernbelle

            Oh ok. The “garden burger” interview was in myspace something. I remember that, I thought they were just talking random. Hold on lemme watch it again. I thought he and Hailey were just talking about being “normal” and how Rob used to be able to eat a garden burger. Then he was like “what’s a garden burger?'” LOL.

      • Sarah

        If that’s true I am seriously going to need to have a talk with her. If she has the privilege of being the girlfriend of the most gorgeous man ever to exist on this planet then she needs to take care of him on behalf of ALL of us who LOVE him. Seriously.

        • southernbelle

          AMEN Sarah! If I was here I’d be making/getting him food that he liked.

  • gizmo

    Haven’t you heard? They’re complex.

    Even Kellan gave up on them. And I’m sure he went out of his way to help with the fun. Although Rob seems to be more relaxed when the mullet’s not around. Remember Cannes? The loving bodyguard.. I enjoyed that little bromance so much. I’m still waiting for the reunion.

    P.S. The post is a major WIN!

  • sassysmart

    They are 19 and 23 right? They remind of those people that you saw in the Quad in college that were always discussing philosophy and were too aloof to go to a kegger. And that is what they BOTH need…a good keg stand.

    PFach and Kellan can certainly hold their legs…those boys are made for fun.

    Sometimes I wish that Twilight wasn’t set in High School but was in college…then it could be just like Animal House. They would be the BEST Delta’s!

    TOGA! TOGA! TOGA!

    • Rubytuesday

      <3 you Sassysmart……

    • superhumanmoron

      Forget the keg stands! Just break out the beer bong. That’ll do the job quickly.

      • PinkDolphin

        Kristen’s got the the other bong covered…

        • MrsCliveHandjob

          KStew should be waaaay more fun if she’s covering the other bong.

          Maybe she’s too paranoid. I think Rob was more fun pre KStew. She’s bringing him down with the paranoia, vegetarianism, philosophy, and her unapproachable attitude.

          Cut the ties, Rob! Have some fun! We want fun Rob back. Get with TomStu and BLong and raise some hell like the old days.

          British boys on a pub crawl -= got to be the hottest ticket out there.

    • tiffany

      oh dear god. I was a philosophy major in college and they are totally those people in the quad. I barely passed (most) of my classes and I was the only girl all 4 years in the program at my university. Literally the boys would all try to rope me into deep conversations about metaphyics and epistemology I would usally break up the conversations/ escape by uttering my famous line: so last night I was watching gossip girl and omg!! Nate is so hot! I’d get the eye roll get pushed out of the circle and be free to go get pinkberry. Worked like a charm.

  • pange1223

    “Be touchy-feely with fangirls. Well, the hot ones anyway. I happen to think Kellan should be a lil more choosy with the fans he loves on.”

    Hey, don’t hate on us non-hot fangirls. We need Kellan love too! lmao

    =P

  • southernbelle

    “Be touchy-feely with fangirls. Well, the hot ones anyway.”

    YES! We will totally love this! You won’t be dissapointed! However, pick wisely though, you don’t want your pictures sold on the internet for tons of money!

  • e

    Rob seems to smile more after a few beers, Maybe Kstew needs to start getting drunk and walking around the couv, she can hold hands, with Nikki, Jackson and Rob and then we can have so much fun speculating on all the orgies(sp?) theat must be going on up in the couv. They need to have some fun dammit and tell the crazy twi-looney’s to shove it and get a life!

  • MrsKowski

    Seriously, Rob & Kristen hiding out and sulking is really killin my buzz! Yes, some of the fans can be a little crazy …some of them scare me too …but I am sure no one would hold it against you if you tripped a couple of them or laughed in their faces when they ask you to suck their blood etc.

    I love Fach! Outta no where he’s quickly become one of my fav. celebs!

  • http://notanaddikt.blogspot.com/search/label/TwilightRehab Alice – Not an Addikt

    I’m sorry if I’m gonna come across a bitch here, but I just wanted to say something.

    I don’t feel bad for them at all. They earn more money in one year than I will in my entire life. That money isn’t just for the making the movie, it is for being a celebrity and all the annoying shiz that comes with it. We all know Kristen & Rob aren’t really entirely the concept of money (Chanel purses and Porches anyone?), although they don’t go as far as most of their colleagues. I don’t blame them! Hell, they’ve earned it! Spend it! I would! But if they would hate being a celebrity so much, they can always quit. They’ve earned enough to live a comfy life. I know many people who have a shitty job, but have no choice but to do it, because they have children to feed. And if they just love acting, they can always do theatre productions. They ‘re both very talented, good-looking and probably very nice people and I wish them nothing but the best. But do I feel bad about the fact that they don’t have the time to visit their friends and family and have fans following their every move? No. I feel bad about the fact that I could use some chocolate and the vending machine is broken. PISSED.

    So I hope you don’t totally hate me now. I don’t wanna be the next TammyO. Just so you know:
    I love twilight, the twi-cast and Stephenie Meyer for creating the wonderful twi-universe. You’re all awesome! World peace!

    • pange1223

      I think I love you for that.

      You have a point. I mean, how many millions of people move to LA or NYC trying to “make it” and it basically gets handed to these two and they’re going to pout?

    • Pinky

      I don’t think you were being bitchy at all. I don’t feel bad for them either. People are going through major crap right now. If I had that kind of money coming in, I would dance a jig for the paps every.single.night! The World would be sick of seeing my mug on a magazine cover. I wouldn’t dress like a bum either. Kristen and Rob could afford to be a little more vain.

      • lapushbaby

        This:
        “Kristen and Rob could afford to be a little more vain. ”
        made me laugh for some reason, and then think….Hmmm, I wish I could afford to be more vain….lol.

      • JellybeanRainbow

        A musician, very famous in a very small country of two million, wrote in his column a couple of weeks ago:
        A big power brings big responsibility. Who are we, famous people and what is our purpose. To entertain people, pose for photographers, have interviews, play concerts, make music…
        Not just that, it’ s more.
        Our purpose is to present people with true values: tolerance, reason, righteousness,courage, power, sincerity, joy for life. There are ups and downs on this way, but when someone decides to walk the path of fame and becomes public person, he gets to be more than just a good musician, he gets responsibility to be a good person.

    • Marie

      I actually love you for puting that across.
      These two have been handed gold on a plate – but they still look sadly unsatisfied
      Yes the attention can piss you off but please you are a young celebrity!! figure out how to have fan or have someone figure it out for you.
      Being “one of the people” doesn’t mean having bad taste in everything – style/books/ and/or women, pouting etc! TOUCHING BASE WITH YOUR FANS that to me precisely describes ” being one of the people” Have some fan like UC has pointed out. Put a smile on your face, Put on one of the T-shirts sent to you by fans and run outside for a papz photo you will thrill the person/people who sent it to you or take a photo holding gifts sent to you by fans – thats all.
      This is surely a one sided love story.
      I have not heard Robert Thomas Pattinson say something to indicate that he acknowledges or appreciates his fans – only things like “twifans are crazy! they are obsessed bla bla bla. Well they are not just twifans, they are now your fans so deal with it! – ( i sound very pissed off) yes am pissed off at these two…these two… wannabe Martyres

    • http://www.notanaddikt.blogspot.com/ Alice

      Ohhh not a single thumbs down! Thanks girls! Love!

  • allryans

    Not fun enough? What the …

    Who showed up drunk on stage at the VMAs?
    Who totes eyeballed Rob’s junk on camera at said VMAs?
    Who totes eyeballed Kristen’s goods in front of cameras backstage at said VMAs?
    Who eyefucked each other AND David-the-Gnomed their way through the Kings of Leon concert?
    Who cut off all her hair in some crazy whacked out attempt at being a better actress for a movie only Twi-fans will see?
    Who said “pussy” at comic con?
    Who left the Teen Choice Awards in an awfully big hurry … together?
    Who told Twi-tweens that they were HOT?
    Who spent the latter part of the summer following the Brit Pack around, sharing cabs, clothes, cigs and suites at Chateau M?

    That’s right … Rob and Kristen.

    The only way they could be more fun is by emulating Ashley Greene. (Naked pics and makey-out times and fashion corresponding). That girl is a HOOT.

    • e

      You are right, they have given us some fun times, but lately we have only been getting the sad faces. I still think Kstew should have one get drunk night on camera, we would so have a ball with that.

    • allryans

      This post is brought to you by a heavy dose of sarcasm. While I do tend to agree that Rob and Kristen aren’t as fun as say, PFach and BBurke, I don’t think they (well Rob at least) are headed towards grumpville. They seem to be ever the same to me. I think how they act in press for New Moon will say more about their states of mind.

      And lastly, if Rob want to be “fun” like Kellan and go freeball jogging in athletic pants (peen huggers) then I am ALL for Rob being more fun.

    • gizmo

      I’m sorry, I have to disagree with you on eyeballing Mullet’s goods backstage. First of all, there are no goods in there, and second, I think he was eying if there’s any room in there to stash some booze.

    • Donna

      He did show up drunk to the VMAs but so did most of the people there.

      Besides slurring a little he didn’t do anything newsworthy. Even his supposed ‘Single Ladies’ dance was done away from cameras.
      At least Kanye drunkeness gave us something to tweet about. (even if it was dickish)
      That little fucker, Justin Bieber, got more coverage.

      They so phoned that appearance in. booooring.

  • ItsLauraHoney

    Personally I don’t give a Crapston if I never see Stewie again but if the boy doesn’t come out to play soon, then I’m seriously considering jumping ship. He’s starting to bore me…and it kills my soul to say it.

    • reddevil

      wow So now random people who don’t even fucking know them tell them what to do, just for their own viewing pleasure, how childish.

      I say good riddance if you jump ship, Rob certainly doesn’t need such phoney fickle fans who turn on him just cause he doesn’t do what they want.
      Go and support superficial media-whores like Ashley/Nikki or completely empty-headed jocks like Taylor/Kellan.

      • http://letterstotwilight.wordpress.com unintendedchoice

        hey! welcome. you must be new. go to our FAQ. there’s an article “how to tell if someone’s being sarcastic” that was written JUST FOR YOU!

        • ItsLauraHoney

          :)

      • Pinky

        Is it wrong that this made me laugh?

        • sassysmart

          nope

      • MidnightSin

        Ok you crossed wayyy over MY line….back off Bitch…its called Sarcasm and even I KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS……The ONLY emptyheaded one is ME but at least I have a legitimate excuse ….WHAT’s YOURS!!…This group of people you are so quick to judge are all generous,funny,caring and extremely kind! They created this place to share their love of all that is Twilight ! I, for one, am greatful to come here to laugh, joke and remind myself not to take life too seriously, perhaps you could learn something here!!
        Thats what I say!!!

      • ItsLauraHoney

        oh look…I pissed someone off. yay.

  • allryans

    Also, Christian Serratos is HOT. Rob should definitely be getting on that.

  • dazzledtodeath

    I would love to see Rob skipping.

  • Donna

    “Be touchy-feely with fangirls. Well, the hot ones anyway.”

    Like when Rob was all huggy with that one fan at whatever con that was. The extra long hug where he wouldn’t let go. And she wasn’t even hot!

    But then we would all be going in for hugs thinking he’d always do it. And again the crazies on he street would start hugging him without permission. ….So maybe nevermind on that one.

    But I like the idea of holding up random signs at the paps.

    “I heart Zac Effron”
    or
    “spoiler alert…Everyone dies at the end of New Moon”
    or
    “I’m really bald”
    “Glee’ is sooo totally awesome!”
    “Will bite for $$”

    • Rubytuesday

      “Will bite for $$”
      I’m laughing out loud here, just lurve the idea of this one, he’d be a multi-millionaire in no time at all……

  • superhumanmoron

    I gotta admit that I don’t mind them hiding out. I’ve actually been semi-productive lately!

    • southernbelle

      yeah my house was full of cobwebs! House in shambles have been waiting for the put in order for a while so yeah I don’t mind the lack of pictures or sightings lately.

      • southernbelle

        Excuse my typos please. I meant to say “have been waiting to be put in order.”

  • HeyyyBrother

    “Mama taught me how to make you ‘meow’ ”

    HAHAHA I love you, I do.

    I would love to see Rob on Twitter. I have a feeling about 75% of his tweets would focus on him soiling his pants, and all 100% would be a nightmare for his handlers/PR team… but that’s why it would be so awesome.

  • Pinky

    Excellent post! Kristen and Rob have become boring as hell (I’ve always thought Kristen was boring). My biggest beef with Kristen (and now with Rob) is that some fans have built up this whole thing about them being rebels and not conforming to the “Hollywood machine”, but they are two of the least rebellious people I have ever seen.

    Sulking and looking like you stink does not a rebel-make. Hiding out from the World is not rebellious. Cutting your hair into some ugly ass style for your craft (when some acting lessons would have sufficed) is not rebellious. Being visibly drunk (as adorable as it is) as you promote a movie frequented by young adults is not rebellious and kind of sad. Letting your handlers (or your girl) turn you into a dullard, is not rebelious (or sexy). They are sooo depressing.

    • maddy

      hahaha they are depressing! kristen needs to get over her whole “i’m only 19 but i’m going to act like a 45 y/o snob so people will take my acting seriously” FYI no one takes you seriously when you act like an a-hole…and rob used to be cool….sometimes he still is…i read that one time he randomly took a crazy obsessed fan to dinner, but that must have been pre kristens self absorbed superiority raincloud.

  • Proselyte3

    You’re right, it’s not too much to ask.

  • expat

    am so nonplussed by much of the commentary that i have trouble sorting my thoughts—i read the post as ironic (right on, UC—irony always has my vote) but found many of the comments to be simply pissy & unfair—

    from what i’ve seen of Rob in the last 7 mo. i feel pretty sure he could drink with the best that Am. frats have to offer—on fotos from his London days he didn’t seem averse to a party—on pics from his friends’ concerts he also didn’t come across as a sad sack—& whoever registers in an elegant French hotel as M. Clive Handjob has my undying affection—

    that he can also think is for me a plus point—who wants to wake up some fine day with a dumb jackass in bed beside her—that he’s complicated is a further plus (& that Kellan pointed it out also says sth about who Kellan is) because all of the actors who have been/are at the top of their craft are complicated—let me expand that: anyone who is interesting in the long haul is complicated—

    i think there is a real possibility that Rob & Kristen are madly in love for the first time—when i met my husband it was like an all-consuming fire—it was difficult to eat, sleep, dress, shower without his being involved because i couldn’t think of anything else but him—in this state there is no real world, there is simply us—cut them some slack—she looked stunning at the VMAs & i doubt he was really drunk—

    what i heard above is a lot of ‘i wanna’ in a whining tone & that’s when the kids get sent to their room—OK now you can start heaping the ashes on my unbowed head—:-)(-:

    • Donna

      I think the point is that he USED to be interesting. Quirky interview answers, Clive Handjob. So was Kristen, saying vampires were impotent, dropping popcorn awards, etc.

      Now they are a dull couple, doing dull things, and looking bored and unattractive doing them.

      And being in a relationship is only fun for those in it. It SUCKS for everyone else around them. Family gets ignored, friends are sick of hearing about it.

      Even Bobby Long is forced into being a third wheel and carrying their shopping bags and waiting on the sidewalk when he visits his mate in Vancouver.

      And MEEEEEE. Yes, Meeeeee (said like a whiny child) I want my Spunk Ransom baaaack. My mediocre life is so lame without the goofy, fun, smoking, drunk, well-fed Rob.

      It’s all about US! Why doesn’t he see that!!!

      So…Eat something, wash your clothes, (and your hair while you’re at it) have a drink, look that camera square on and smile for mommy. BOTH of you!

      • sassysmart

        They are the new Justin TImberlake and Jessica Biel.

      • expat

        as Pogo said, ‘I have seen the enemy—and he is us!’

  • obird

    I am sure this is going to get major thumbs down, but don’t you just want to tell them to just “get over yourselves”……I mean they are not recreating the wheel here…..many celebs as “big” as them have gone before and I am sure many will follow. I know it is difficult to be caught in the whirlwind that they have found themselves, but COME ON how bad can it be really!!! We get it your emo, life is just so stressful, smiling is a sign of weakness….blah, blah, blah. Just come out and play and get it over with. sheesh. I need more coffee. :)

    PFach, Kellan, and Billy are my heros.

    • http://www.notanaddikt.blogspot.com/ Alice

      Yes. We want to see a million dollar face!

  • Jena

    “When you’re running away from the paparazzi and you jump into a cab, kiss the cabbie.”

    bbahahhaaa, that would be bril! and epic!

  • Jaybird

    Thanks for the laughs today! I needed a pick me up and this hit the spot. Our dog died 2 days ago and we are all kinds of bummed at our house.

    Dear Rob and Kristen,

    Pull your heads out and enjoy your over-pampered lives! At least your dog didn’t die!

    Jaybird

    Really, really, I am not a hater, I am just sad!!

    I love Peetah!!

    • Rubytuesday

      I’m so sorry Jaybird, I’ve got 4 dogs now as we lost one 4 months ago so I know exactly how you’re feeling honey.
      And I think we all get your point, they’ve got to see how blessed they are, after all we know that there are people here and all over that are facing an awful lot more than losing a beloved pet, and that is hard enough.
      Love to you girl…

      • Jaybird

        Thanks Ruby!! Luvs!

    • lapushbaby

      My condolences, it is SO hard to lose a pet. Hang in there!

      xo
      lpb

      • MidnightSin

        So sorry about your dog….it is so hard to lose a family pet …. we lost two in a row..Sebastion was 15 and Buddy 14….still miss them…my thoughts are with you…take care!

  • The Old One

    You know what’s really going on–it’s fanfic and blog addiction. He’s got to finish reading the next few chapters …, wait, let’s see what LTR says today…., let’s follow that youtube link…, wait, what time is it, what was I supposed to be doing today?

  • tiffany

    Ever notice how the most popular kids in school are usually the most pissy? Yeah your life is so friggin hard kristen you are young, beautiful, worth millions, guaranteed work for at least the next few years (that’s better than most Americans right now), not to mention the fact that you are banging the hottest man ever to live. I totally understand why you smoke weed to escape from the horrible reality which is your life. Rob is no fun anymore either. What’s with these kids? I’m totally with uc I would friggin be the best celebrity ever I wouldn’t be afriad of fans but I totally would be flipping papz off if they said anything about my mama. Robsten? More like Boresten

  • reddevil

    You guys are so whiny, you know what would be better? If you got over yourselves, and stop acting like you own their lives or something.
    ‘I want them to do this’, ‘I want them to do that’, ‘they don’t do this or that, so they’re lame, boring’ bla bla bla
    As if anyone of you knows what they’re really like behind closed doors( not enough evidence to judge either way so most of your opinions hold little weight) and fortunately none of you will ever know.

    • Donna

      Kristen??? Is that you????

      • maddy

        hahah!! i really wouldn’t be surprised if it is

    • Ashley Frag

      Kstew DOES read this blog!

    • tuesdaymidnight

      I can’t speak for anyone else, but I want them to enjoy themselves for THEIR sakes, not mine. I’m sure that their lives border on the absurd almost daily and being reactive to it will only lead to misery. I don’t know much, but I do know that.

    • Marie

      you are thick go away!

    • Marie

      Kellan said they are complicated and don’t match his fun – thats coming right behind ” closed door” or?

    • MidnightSin

      @reddevil…could you just play nice…better yet…some suggestions:

      Apply for a job at Summit
      Write Kristen & Rob a sweet letter telling them how
      you are defending “their honor”
      Think about a career in Debt Collections
      Watch Twilight and have a drink….
      Buy the book “A better you”
      Give a call to Kristen/Rob’s parents and tell them we
      “picking on them”
      Just a few idea’s :)

  • Manda

    Yeah When Kellan Lutz said that he can’t hang out with Rob and Kristen because he likes to laugh and smile and they are so “complex” I picture them being the Debbie Downers of the group. For like the last six months all of Robs interviews have been so self pitying. I understand it’s probably annoying to be them, but I actually see Kristen being better lately and Rob keeps getting worse. I’m still a huge fan of his though, just want a little more enthusiasm.Can their lives be THAT bad?

  • http://isuckatbloggingbuticanbite.blogspot.com/ Janetrigs

    Glad someone sad it!

    • Marie

      me too

  • Shleeeigh

    The more I think about it the more I don’t care what they are up to as long as they look like they are having a good time doing it. LORD knows if I was Kristen I would be all kinds of happy all the live long day!!

    • ChinNubbin

      No kidding! Every day (ehem) when I watch Twilight, I utter at the screen “you are so friggin lucky.”

      I would not want celebrity. Maybe if I was gorgeous and photographed well I would feel differently. But I REALLY like my privacy, so maybe not.

      I can see liking the craft of film making, but not the notoriety. I think they fit into that category. Being in front of a camera is VERY different than facing your audience.

  • http://sparklefortwilight.blogspot.com sft

    How many times can you use “tight buns” in one post and make me laugh? A lot, and now I have a strange urge to head to Cinnabon which is odd because I’ve never had the desire for one before.

  • Kendall

    Come on, UC….Rob was drunk at the VMAs AND he was dancing to Beyonce. If that’s not fun, I don’t know what is. Geez, cut him some slack. ;)

    On another note, if I was with Rob I would hope we would be hold up in a hotel room for the majority of the time, too. Only difference is when I was seen out in public I’d be wearing a very large grin…heck, I would maybe even wear a t-shirt that declared I was banging one of the sexiest men alive.

    • JellybeanRainbow

      THE sexiest man alive!

  • tuesdaymidnight

    I don’t really care about this for my own sake. I don’t read celebrity mags or do (much) e-stalking other than LTT and LTR. I have enough pictures of Rob stashed away that I don’t need anymore to add to it.

    I do agree with nearly everything that has been said above. Yet, I still feel sorry for both Rob and Kristen. Not because they are stalked by paparazzi and crazy fans. Not because they are trying to have a relationship out of the public eye. (The magazines at my supermarket already say they’re engaged, I’m not sure why coming out together in public is a big deal at this point.)

    No, I feel sorry for them because they both seem very insecure with themselves, like they have no idea who they are. I think everyone goes through that stage in their late teens and their 20s, and I feel bad for anyone who has a hard time adjusting to adulthood. I’m not that much older than them (well, not that much older than Rob, I could have been Kristen’s babysitter), but they both come off to me as rather immature. And I don’t blame them really, I think they’ve probably both led fairly charmed lives up to this point which isn’t their fault in the least, but I do feel bad that they don’t seem able to take a lot of enjoyment in the absurdity that is the Twilight phenomenon.

    • Pinky

      Very well put.

  • MidnightSin

    Listen I really understand where everyone is coming from but I think we are missing a few very important things. First, let us NOT forget the other young celebs (and THEY ARE YOUNG) that were thrust out into this crazy world by their “handlers” deliberately to GET THE HEADLINES AND ATTTENTION regardless of the consequences LOOK at WHERE that got them…can we say REHAB?
    Second, I really think that they might be kind of forced into this reclusive and boring exterior for appearance sake. SM has held very tight reins on all that is Twi and being the type person she is AND knowing that these two have committed to the rest of the saga, I am almost willing to bet that she has made sure that their “handlers” will not allow them much leeway in public…SM would not want “bad” behavior putting out the wrong msg. to the audience she thinks is drawn to Twi…There is alot at stake here. Any real bad behavior of the part of the two major leads would be disastrous for the future of the films. If this was a one movie deal like most are, they would probably be doing everything and more to enjoy it to the fullest….but not only have they had VERY little free time..both did movies in between and then right back into shooting..plus all the promo’s, conventions and appearances….how much energy is left for being WILD and CRAZY…Don’t you all after a long week..want to just chill on the weekends?? We have no idea (although I personally wish we did) what is going on “behind the scenes” with either of them…I bet they are carefully managed…very carefully..case in point…IF Rob was drunk at the VMA’s, that would explain the 3 empty seats and lack of photo’s…NOT ALLOWED…”Sends the wrong msg” and they could not leave 1 seat empty to start the questions..so they pulled all of them and made it seem “mysterious”.. That being said…I know we will all be back here a few years from now having a blast at their antics….and don’t get me wrong…I would love to see alittle bit of “spoiler alert…Everyone dies at the end of New Moon” but I really doubt the powers that be Twi will allow it….we can only hope that at some point the Robstew can no longer hold it in and sneak away from their keepers and show us the REAL Robstew’s that we know are being kept hidden away…damn Summit….and lastly if all this “protection” keeps them from turning into LL or Brit…maybe its worth our pain…
    Ok..I am trying to prepare for the all time high thumbs down count….

    • MidnightSin

      P.S. Before you insist that I be booted off LTT…(Oh dear God NO) can I at least say that it took me since 8:15 a.m. to get that all written so that you could understand any of it…!! :) also it was after being up all night watching the comm. version of Twilight only to discover (really red faced now) after looking for something in one of my journals, that I have in fact watched it that way zillions of times….AND worse according to my notes…I didn’t like watching it that way.. (except for once when I thought Rob was funny).oh the shame….so plz take pity….

      • Sarah

        Awe Cindy…we heart you! :-)

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  • paul

    IF YOU DON’T LIKE ROB AND KRISTEN OR ROB OR KRISTEN THEN LEAVE THEM ALONE..ITS SIMPLE DON’T FOLLOW THEM. STOP BEING A FAN OF BOTH OR EITHER.

    SO THEY ARE BORING…SO WHAT. FIND YOURSELF SOME NEW EXCITING CELEBS, ITS NOT HARD TO DO. THERE ARE SO MANY TO CHOOSE FROM.

    ITS REALLY SIMPLE!

    • MidnightSin

      What is up with everyone today?? Does “Paul” not realize this is a Twilight Site? That the comments are made in fun and with a heavy dose of sarcasm??? Are the planets not aligned or something….or is it simly some “can’t handle the pressure of waiting for Nov. 20th to arrive”?? I have seen the strong crumble under lesser stress….

    • Leila

      Calm down .. You must be crazy if you take this post seriously .. or this whole blog for what matters
      Everyone here are fans of Rob& Kristen (Well maybe not everyone is a fan of Kristen) but you should know that it’s all a big laugh
      If Rob and Kristen read this they’d probably laugh(which is the “Normal” reaction anyways )
      BTW I think you’re making a bigger fuss about this than what Rob & Kristen will

    • lady

      @Paul
      You should go away – or at least try and understand the nature of this blog!
      As for ROB and KRISTEN, they are still making Twilight so they can’t be abandoned – once they finish they are free to announce their detest of their fans and no one will bother them in future in fact they can ask Zac Efron for advice ….
      So no need getting pissed off at all.

  • Ashley Frag

    I agree with you, UC.

    They SHOULD have fun!
    They SHOULD smile more…

    This gift of celebrity was handed to them and they COULD be doing good with it.

    Imagine how much Rob could make for charity if he sold his headshots for $20 or even $40 dollars a piece and then gave that money to charity…or even GOD FORBID buy himself a new wardrobe…but charity. For reals.

    LIKE RACHELLE.
    I love her. <3

    If we were celebrities, it would change everything…so, when we startin?

    Ash
    xo

  • Ashley Frag

    Also, PFACH is total WIN.

    <3 such a sweet guy. Loves his fans.

  • ChinNubbin

    I just hope they make it through all this intact – sanity, health, drug use, etc. Rob is so talented, and I want years of projects – film, music, nudity – to enjoy from him.

    • Donna

      hehe….nudity. yes, please.

    • lapushbaby

      Word.

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