Breaking down the REST of the LA Times pics – Nude Moon

Dear LA Times-

You might have heard (yes, you read us cause we’re serious journalists like you) that we broke down the pictures from your Hollywood Backlot series of New Moon pictures on Letters to Rob yesterday. And since they were so good we didn’t make it through all of them, so we’re back today to finish what we started cause we have mad follow through. Sometimes. And because well we like being discussing anything Twilight and seeing how random it can get.

Enjoy…

Themoonisdown and UnintendedChoice

Miss the first half of the break down yesterday? Catch up here!

*Warning some of this isn’t for the faint of heart… or prudish*

chrisiphone

Dear Cathy, lose my number. Thx, Chris


Am I really the Director?

Moon:
so this might be my favorite pic. He looks like his has old man bushy brows and hes SOOO playing with the ifart app on his iphone
UC: what do you FEEL when you see it?
Moon: i feel like i want to hug this picture, i hope he doesnt let me down in November! NO pressure chris (since you’re obvs reading this)
UC: I think that’s what he’s thinking “what the F did i get myself into?’ NO one warned me about the fasting & the praying
Moon: or the virgin sacrifices!

C
C

Animal Sacrifices

wolfpuppet

How do I put this thing on?

UC: JAKE?
Moon: OMG this one is my favorite. Such a WTF kind of picture. Just makes you wonder what poor PA (production assistant) has to put that thing on and get on all fours while they line up shots
UC: that dude needs a raise
Moon: maybe animal sacrifices are part of the fasting and praying they’re been doing and this is the evidence to show her holiness (stephenie)
UC: clearly. sick to the nast
Moon: wolves, virgins and PA’s died in the making of this film
UC: and so did a lot of cod. they were method acting and had a lot of fish fry
Moon: god its so creepy… it’s eyes are following me

Follow the cut to read the rest

And hold 1,2,3

And hold 1,2,3

C
Is this your idea of a Fantasy Sequence?

Moon:
Ok how about this one… bella does deep squats in her dream on top of the sleep number
UC: now.. did you read the caption here? cuz it says “kristen stewart kneels on bed used in fantasy sequence” fantasy? like….. are we gonna see some fan fic action?
Moon: fantasy aka every fans wildest fantasy! There better be some unicorns and cookies. I wanna see her acting THOSE out: UGGHH AAHHHH OHHH
UC: or is this where they got the idea for that Twilight porno that just came out? and actually- it’s not porn actors- they just used the REAL Edward & Bella?
Moon: whose fantasy doesn’t involve a sleep number bed, in the forest with a dead wolf carcass lying nearby?
UC: I’ve never had a fantasy different than that
Moon: thank god i thought i was the only one!
UC: no- we’re weird twilight fantasy twins

throughthepeepholeThe Tuck!

Moon: And next… OHHH we have more from the “through the keyhole series”
Moon: chris just downloaded the Oregon trail app or mint.com app just for you UC
UC: hahahah LOVE ! Or he’s using that app where you can identify a song. Rob has “the mumbles” (as my hubby calls his singing) and Chris is seeing what it comes up with
Moon: Shazzam and the app breaks cause it cant handle the mumbles
UC: they keep saying it’s “Tuck Me” but he’s really singing “F-ck Me”
Moon: and doesnt know rob’s version of Dashboard songs and confused it with his penchant for tucking his nether regions

Lost: Beanie. Last Seen: in the previous picture

Lost: Beanie. Last Seen: in the previous picture


Lost & Found

Moon: Chris: “Yea the beanie was striped, and fit on my head, I ALWAYS wore it and now I cant find it. Rob, you you know where my beanie could be?”
UC: Rob: (starts mumbling a song)
Moon: Rob: “a beanie?! ME? NO! I have NO clue where a beanie would go or who would even want one!”
UC: Jellyfish: “I was brought here to STING the person who stole Chris Weitz beanie”
UC: Rob: “Beanie’s make your hair smell.. I Know. Kristen has one! Ask her!”
Moon: Kristen: “dudes, shut the ef up about your beanies and lets do this, I’m not getting any younger. By the way: I STOLE THE BEANIE! BABIES! HA! and i sold them for 10 cents to the Vancouver goodwill so i could get a new flannel”

Show Us Your Goods!

Show Us Your Native TaTa's 2009!

Show Us Your Native TaTa's 2009!

UC: i know.. oh… this must be the Wet TShirt Contest on the Rez. What’s it called?
Moon: Oh you mean the “Show us your Native Tata’s contest?”
Moon: she has the slutty tank on under that so she had a little extra oomph
UC: Rob is cleary watching the wet tshirt contest and Mrs. Clearwater just got up there
Moon: jacobs’s pissed cause he’s related to them all and can’t watch since it’d be wrong to get a boner to his relatives
UC: Edward was surprised… b/c he thought Mrs. Clearwater would be all saggy but.. she had a lift she didnt’ tell Harry.
Moon: and thats why he had a heart attack, but they never told the kids the REAL story! And now that Harry’s dead she doesn’t want to waste them so she uses them to lure Charlie in and to get out of speeding tickets in the mean time
UC: then lets Charlie rub the copstache all over them
Moon: sad bella’s gonna lose to her future step mom and edwards LOVING IT ALL

The one where I let UC take the wheel

Watch out for UC, Taylor... FYI!

Watch out for UC, Taylor... FYI!

Moon: awwwwww lil taycob is he watching Mrs Clearwater accept her award
UC: you know how a lot of people & bloggers talk about needing more “batteries?” and we NEVER do?
Moon: yes
UC: cuz that’s not how we roll? Well, I need more batteries here…BUT…
Moon: where the crap are you going with this? im kind of excited to see…
UC: it’s for my electric razor b/c I’d like to try to shave his soft skin.
UC: i just wanted to talk about batteries! Hahahaha LET DOWN!
Moon: I’m over here laughing and I’m totes leaving that in BTW
UC: haha i figured:)

What IS that thing exactly?

Cold hearted snake... look into his eyes!

Cold hearted snake... look into his eyes!

Moon: YEA Chris found his beanie
UC: And Rob found….
Moon: his puffy shirt
UC: the thrift store at the local nursing home? Circa the 1800s?
Moon: Wtf is that thing around his neck?
UC: a noose? b/c he can’t believe he’s wearing tweed?
Moon: limp dick? Really long used condom (freaking campers!)?
UC: hahaha
Moon: toy snake he made out of an old sock?
UC: omg!! I will suck up a pea in my throat! Stop that! I am alone! I would die and the cats cannot save me and Sam the wolf doesn’t know where I live!
Moon: type ANIMAL ATTACK if you choke and I’ll know to call 911 oh and use a hash tag so I can tweet your choking for the twitter peeps

The one with the Snuggie

Snug as a bug in a... well, snuggie

Snug as a bug in a... well, snuggie

Moon: bella is smart
UC: “Uh.. Mrs. Cope BEAT Me? I have itty bitty titties! Guys LIKE that”
Moon: she took a snuggie into the forest cause she knew Edward would dump her ass and she’d be outside for a while till sam found her so might as well have a blanket with arm holes
UC: omg she’s in a SNUGGIE?
UC: dude…. seriously…. velor jump suit! MAYBE chris has been hearing our begging and in the fantasy/porn scene, Bella is on her sleep-number bed in the woods next to a wolf carcass and then.. edward shows up in Grandpa’s finest and takes off that snake thing.. or that long ass condom
Moon: cause doesn’t bella turn into an old cat lady in her FANTASY/DREAM? and old ladies LOVE snuggies
UC: YES, that’s it! Bella becomes an old DOG lady
Moon: collects abandoned wolves names ALL of them JACOB

Uncle Jesse’s at it again!

When Michele's smiling

When Michele's smiling

Moon: Grandpa just pondering things like newspapers, wurthers and whether his grandkids will call him this week
UC: seriously… could his pants GET any higher?
Moon: its like the highest inseam in the world. His balls are begging for mercy… or rather saying “have mercy” cause his balls are named Uncle Jesse

Twilight Saga: NUDE Moon

bellabathrobeMoon: Shes pissed she lost the wet tshirt contest to one of her friends moms
UC: this is her outfit before the opening porn sequence since this ‘fantasy’ was made into that twilight porn
Moon: whats the porn name? NUDE MOON. Obviously
UC: obviously (copywritten Moon & Uc 2009) cuz you KNOW some fat porn guy just got an idea from that
Moon: for serious on sale in fine adult bookshops this November
UC: speaking of that… I’m out of batteries…..
Moon: OMG… here we go…for your electric razor? for Jacob?
UC: no for my vibrator. The one I use on my back…. I have back pain! What did you think I meant? Sicko!
Moon: omg the “massager” DUDE my grandpa used to call this neck massager pillow he had his “vibrator” and he’d ask us grandkids to bring him his vibrator. HA! I still die laughing thinking about that to this day.
UC: hahahahahhahaha that’s SO something Grandpa Rob would do: “Where are my wurthers? And Where is my vibrator?”

UC teaches Moon

You put your right knee in you put your left knee out and you shake it all about

You put your right knee in you put your left knee out and you shake it all about

Moon: scene from NUDE MOON?
UC: clearly the practice scene.. before the clothes came off
Moon: “purples cool, so’s missionary.” thats the dialogue
UC: I guess Rob lost that battlle…. there really IS anal
UC: Moon…. let me teach you.. as a married women… that’s NOT missionary
Moon: oh i guess she is on her side
UC: married women do it in the missionary it’s the way God intended and Bella is not a married women
Moon: so obviously she is a hussy
UC: she’s a girl in a slutty tank and occasionally a snuggie. The Sideward Straddle from Edward Paddle?
Moon: while he’s on one knee
UC: right… leverage
Moon: wtf is all that called
UC: the one knee F*ck?
Moon: thats what the mirrors near for if he needs to grab it
UC: and rip it to pieces
Moon: and show her proper positioning
UC: right
Moon: Wow this break down has gone SO downhill into the gutter
UC: “This Breakdown not suitable for Children. Or Stephenie Meyer”

The one where Taylor works out. Again.

And 1,2,3

And 1,2,3

UC: Taycob… always working out
Moon: 24 hr fitness opened it’s newest location in the vancouver forest
UC: he can actually lift that horizontal tree behind him to his right
Moon: those dudes in the back are cutting down trees to fashion an elliptical and weight bench completely out of wood
UC: if you hold it for 5 seconds, you get a free shake it’s rustic, but it’s empowering they eat roots for protein
Moon: the gym will be named in taylor’s honor: The Vancouver 24 Hour Fitness: Taylor Lautner’s Wooded Area

Bella on Bella action

No comment

No comment

UC: girl on GIRL! Nude Moon seriously is crazytimes
Moon: thats one big vibrator theyres using on that stick
UC: well… you saw the size of the snake/condom/tie Edward had. She expects a lot
Moon: these girls are professional, don’t come bringing just your every day machinery to the set
UC: in non-porn flick news, Kristen’s fake hair looks extra pretty here
Moon: SERIOUSLY love her hairs here

Bella loves a good deal

Peek a boo we see you!

Peek a boo we see you!

UC: Bella’s hungry here- look at her eyes
Moon: someone better get her a mountain lion stat
Moon: and her slutty tank top
UC: peeping through, is that lace?
UC: wow… stepped up to the $7 aisle in wal-mart
Moon: yea they had a sale on lingerie at the goodwill
UC: ah. that explains it
Moon: she got 4 bras for a quarter

Whew! We made it through another! What say you?

Really?! With Moon and UC at LTR
Break down some more in the Forum!

  • http://myuberfablife.blogspot.com Jaydey17

    Oh . . . I just love you gals!
    Always good for a laff :D

    xox

  • http://myuberfablife.blogspot.com Jaydey17

    Oh . . . I just love you gals!
    Always good for a laff :D

    xox

    • Xylem

      I agree! They are effing hilarious! I literally had to run to the little girls room when I read about Grampas vibrator.

      They should totally “break down” New Moon Rifftrax style scene by scene in writing when it comes out on video. And they should totally start with the commentary version of Twilight. There is so much there to break down… Not the least of which is how Rob and Kristen tell Cougar Cathy Over and over how much her movie making skills suck. End Rant.

      • Katie S

        New Moon Rifftrax?! Why haven’t I thought of that??? BRILLIANT!

        I’m going to start a petititon.

      • themoonisdown

        is that like a mystery science theater thing?

        • http://twitter.com/DonnaDrago Donna Drago

          Yes!!!! MST3K is the best!

          • Katie S

            Yes. Here is the Holy Grail of MST3K (which is a Holy Grail unto itself):

        • Xylem

          I actually bought the Twilight Riffmax… it is hilarious! The upside, you laugh (mostly at yourself of 2nd-hand embarrassment that you are a fan) until you sides hurt. The downside is the that now I can’t listen to Bella’s Lullaby without singing “I want to rip into your throat…”

          • Katie S

            I bought it too! Though I haven’t watched it yet. I’m technically challenged…

            p.s. – So, I totally sent this link to my boss in an email by accident.. Thinking I was sending her a link for something work-related. Um… yeah. Very good thing she is a fan.

          • JodieO

            I bought the rifftrax, too. I can’t see the “Edward in Bella’s Room Scene” without hearing in my head “Do you have our math homework?”

            Question, though. How do you keep it synched up properly? I was having a bear of a time which kinda takes the fun out of it.

  • PinkDolphin

    So I’m officially scarred from the grandpa/vibrator talk. Thanks for that. I’ll never be able to enjoy a vibrator (or grandpa) again! Kidding. Sorta.

    Yeah I saw the “Rob over Kristen on the bed” picture yesterday and was immediately trying to figure out a way to photo shop her out and slap myself in there (as well as was distracted by Rob’s butt. I’m an ass girl). Sadly, I know nothing about photo shop. Oh well.

    I want a Snuggie so bad. Just so I can say I have one.

    oink

    PS. I got my tickets for the midnight premiere last night. It’s normal that since my town was sold out (seriously?? WTF!!), I’m driving an hour and a half to go see it with my brother’s girlfriend. Right?

    PPS. I heart parentheses evidently.

    • geekmagnet

      Normal!

      I’ll be 16,000km from home, on my own in Adelaide, so I’ve bought two tickets for the midnight showing (19th Nov!!) in the hope that I’ll find someone Twi-inclined to go with me…

  • PinkDolphin

    So I’m officially scarred from the grandpa/vibrator talk. Thanks for that. I’ll never be able to enjoy a vibrator (or grandpa) again! Kidding. Sorta.

    Yeah I saw the “Rob over Kristen on the bed” picture yesterday and was immediately trying to figure out a way to photo shop her out and slap myself in there (as well as was distracted by Rob’s butt. I’m an ass girl). Sadly, I know nothing about photo shop. Oh well.

    I want a Snuggie so bad. Just so I can say I have one.

    oink

    PS. I got my tickets for the midnight premiere last night. It’s normal that since my town was sold out (seriously?? WTF!!), I’m driving an hour and a half to go see it with my brother’s girlfriend. Right?

    PPS. I heart parentheses evidently.

    • geekmagnet

      Normal!

      I’ll be 16,000km from home, on my own in Adelaide, so I’ve bought two tickets for the midnight showing (19th Nov!!) in the hope that I’ll find someone Twi-inclined to go with me…

    • Katie S

      I want a snuggie with Edward’s face on it. And then I want his face on me. Wait… what?

      (Yay, parentheses!)

    • http://twitter.com/MsYuppieScum DontQuestionMe

      I was similarly inspired by that photo. Not much trickery required and voila – 2009 Christmas card!

      • themoonisdown

        HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM ROB AND ME! hahaha i love it

  • http://notanaddikt.blogspot.com notanaddiktbella

    Do you guys accept dares? You should. Cuz here’s one for you: find out for us shy and prudish fans whether Twiporn has been made. Then report back.

    Kthankxbye!

    • Rubytuesday

      Yep!! twiporn has been made about a week after Twilight was released. UC and Moon mentioned it in a different post long time ago….it was a brilliant post…

    • sassysmart

      It has been. I haven’t seen it…but it has been made. I’ll find a link…

      http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-a-twilight-porn-spoof-arrives/

      This is a ok link…nothing to worry about.

      It apparently releases on October 15th.

  • http://notanaddikt.blogspot.com notanaddiktbella

    Do you guys accept dares? You should. Cuz here’s one for you: find out for us shy and prudish fans whether Twiporn has been made. Then report back.

    Kthankxbye!

    • Rubytuesday

      Yep!! twiporn has been made about a week after Twilight was released. UC and Moon mentioned it in a different post long time ago….it was a brilliant post…

    • sassysmart

      It has been. I haven’t seen it…but it has been made. I’ll find a link…

      http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-a-twilight-porn-spoof-arrives/

      This is a ok link…nothing to worry about.

      It apparently releases on October 15th.

      • Katie S

        I linked that on my facebook the other day, forgoing my better judgement. My mother is all kinds of worried about me.

        A TwiPorn is wicked creepy though. I want nothing to do with that thing. Now a Rob and myself… er… Kristen or preferabley Ashlice sex tape I might consider (buying).

        p.s. – Are there any Twilight ladies over the age of 18 that are prudes?? I don’t believe it!

        • http://notanaddikt.blogspot.com notanaddiktbella

          Ooooh, even better dare: who owns Twiporn? Come out, come out, wherever you are!

      • http://notanaddikt.blogspot.com notanaddiktbella

        Thanks for the research, ladies!

        Okay then, new dare: who has actually watched Twiporn and is going to break it down for us, VF-style?

        • http://letterstotwilight.wordpress.com unintendedchoice

          hahahahahaha that would be AMAZEBALLS

          • http://notanaddikt.blogspot.com notanaddiktbella

            October 15th… we’ll be waitin’!

      • http://notanaddikt.blogspot.com/search/label/TwilightRehab Alice – Not an Addikt

        Do they first have it only in one of those creepy peepshow/private-showings places? Or is it a straight-to-dvd production, which we can immediately ‘enjoy’ in the comfort of our own home?
        btw: Edward will be a grower with an Oedipus complex and Carlisle and Esmee will be paying a more than friendly visit to the parents of their future daughter in law. Right?
        btw2: I’m so gonna buy this!

      • PinkDolphin

        I totally volunteer to watch this and subsequently break it down.

    • Oedipal Art

      The best Twiporn exists in my very own mind. And now I have the Sideward Straddle image seared into its cobwebby recesses. Woot

      • themoonisdown

        there is most defs a twi-porn! ive seen it somewhere (under my bed)

        • Katie S

          Under your bed or under your sheets? Hmmmm?

  • toooldforthis

    Epic post, ladies! Literally had tears streaming down my face.

    I don’t know how I’m going to watch this movie w/o laughing now.

    I hope Rob wears that condom/tie in the film. All I can think of is Long Dong Silver!

    • Rubytuesday

      I have to admit I’m not sure how we are going to watch the film without lol at the wrong moments!! We’ve enjoyed so much humour here it’s bound to influence our viewing pleasure….unless of course we are carried away with Rob’s hotness and Kirsten’s acting ability……..

  • toooldforthis

    Epic post, ladies! Literally had tears streaming down my face.

    I don’t know how I’m going to watch this movie w/o laughing now.

    I hope Rob wears that condom/tie in the film. All I can think of is Long Dong Silver!

    • Rubytuesday

      I have to admit I’m not sure how we are going to watch the film without lol at the wrong moments!! We’ve enjoyed so much humour here it’s bound to influence our viewing pleasure….unless of course we are carried away with Rob’s hotness and Kirsten’s acting ability……..

  • tuesdaymidnight

    “His balls are begging for mercy… or rather saying “have mercy” cause his balls are named Uncle Jesse.” <– I have three words for you "Cut. It. Out." This killed me.

    And @notanaddiktbella, there is. Don't ask how I know, I just know.

  • tuesdaymidnight

    “His balls are begging for mercy… or rather saying “have mercy” cause his balls are named Uncle Jesse.” <– I have three words for you "Cut. It. Out." This killed me.

    And @notanaddiktbella, there is. Don't ask how I know, I just know.

    • themoonisdown

      *does the cut it out hand motions*

  • natashadushi

    That snake is Nagani from Lord Voldemort, he heard that Cedric was still alive (as a vampire) Edward is the new Lord Voldemort!

    • PinkDolphin

      Gonna have to come in here and say the snake is Nagini. And that Nevile killed it. Sorry. It’s said with love though!

      • natashadushi

        I know…I suck at names.
        You know…my post was all sarcasm. I read all the 7 HP.

        • PinkDolphin

          Sarcasm is my native tongue….I got it.

  • natashadushi

    That snake is Nagani from Lord Voldemort, he heard that Cedric was still alive (as a vampire) Edward is the new Lord Voldemort!

    • PinkDolphin

      Gonna have to come in here and say the snake is Nagini. And that Nevile killed it. Sorry. It’s said with love though!

      • natashadushi

        I know…I suck at names.
        You know…my post was all sarcasm. I read all the 7 HP.

        • PinkDolphin

          Sarcasm is my native tongue….I got it.

      • Oedipal Art

        And high-waisted Robward in the forest vaguely resembles Grawp…

  • toooldforthis

    I think Grandpa Edward has to hike his pants up that high to hide the Depends Undergarments.

  • toooldforthis

    I think Grandpa Edward has to hike his pants up that high to hide the Depends Undergarments.

    • themoonisdown

      omg that made me LOL

  • http://notanaddikt.blogspot.com/search/label/TwilightRehab Alice – Not an Addikt

    “jacobs’s pissed cause he’s related to them all and can’t watch since it’d be get a boner to his relatives”
    “Really long used condom ”
    “purples cool, so’s missionary.” thats the dialogue
    Hahahahaha. I know I’m just quoting again, but it was just too damn funny not to.

    btw. Bella’s knees should not get past her feet for a proper squat. It bugs me that they can’t even get the basics right.

  • http://notanaddikt.blogspot.com/search/label/TwilightRehab Alice – Not an Addikt

    “jacobs’s pissed cause he’s related to them all and can’t watch since it’d be get a boner to his relatives”
    “Really long used condom ”
    “purples cool, so’s missionary.” thats the dialogue
    Hahahahaha. I know I’m just quoting again, but it was just too damn funny not to.

    btw. Bella’s knees should not get past her feet for a proper squat. It bugs me that they can’t even get the basics right.

    • sassysmart

      If she keeps doing squats like that she should at least start taking some glucosamine chondroitin now to help save those joints.

  • http://tiffanized.wordpress.com tiffanized

    I haven’t read the post yet, but I have to tell you how excited I am that you felt you needed a warning.

  • http://tiffanized.wordpress.com tiffanized

    I haven’t read the post yet, but I have to tell you how excited I am that you felt you needed a warning.

    • http://letterstotwilight.wordpress.com unintendedchoice

      hahaha

    • themoonisdown

      the warnings for people like my mom… my poor mom! she doesnt need to read the dirty stuff that comes from my mind

  • http://www.twitter.com/saritapagita SaritaPagita

    The first pic with Chris W looks like he’s rolling a doobie for Rob and Kristen to share with him. That’s why they were all so close and got along so well, they passed the dutchie.

    My faves:

    Type ANIMAL ATTACK if you choke and use the hashtag so tweeps will know you’re choking.

    24 hour fitness opened its newest location in the Vancouver forest!

    That’s one big vibrator for the limp dick snake condom.

    Effing funn-ee!

    You don’t know how hard it is to sit in my office and read these without busting out laughing. I am constantly having to cover a choke-laugh up with a cough. People who walk by my office think I’m the happies person with this grin I’ve got on my face while reading this! Brill post, ladies. Brill post

  • http://www.twitter.com/saritapagita SaritaPagita

    The first pic with Chris W looks like he’s rolling a doobie for Rob and Kristen to share with him. That’s why they were all so close and got along so well, they passed the dutchie.

    My faves:

    Type ANIMAL ATTACK if you choke and use the hashtag so tweeps will know you’re choking.

    24 hour fitness opened its newest location in the Vancouver forest!

    That’s one big vibrator for the limp dick snake condom.

    Effing funn-ee!

    You don’t know how hard it is to sit in my office and read these without busting out laughing. I am constantly having to cover a choke-laugh up with a cough. People who walk by my office think I’m the happies person with this grin I’ve got on my face while reading this! Brill post, ladies. Brill post

    • themoonisdown

      my old office mate used to always ask why i smiled so much!!! HA! if he only knew!

  • bobbygee

    I love the pics. Great fun. Lots of good wit. http://bobbygee.wordpress.com/

  • bobbygee

    I love the pics. Great fun. Lots of good wit. http://bobbygee.wordpress.com/

  • http://tiffanized.wordpress.com tiffanized

    “Taylor Lautner’s Wooded Area” sounds like a euphemism for something it would be illegal for me to see until next February.

  • http://tiffanized.wordpress.com tiffanized

    “Taylor Lautner’s Wooded Area” sounds like a euphemism for something it would be illegal for me to see until next February.

    • KatieDid

      I totally thought the same thing! That’s Normal! :)

      • Xylem

        Ditto! And a thought occured to me. How much can Summit technically show off his body before it becomes child porn technically. I’ve seen at least 3 pics of him where my first reaction is “Shwin’!” then it’s “Oh wait, how old is he again?” then I quickly and shamefully click out the site as crisp images of Chris Henson burn my retina.

        • KatieDid

          I agree! I have the same reaction as you.
          How many more pics of him shirtless can they show us?!? Don’t get me wrong he’s got an awesome body but I’m a lil sick of seeing him half naked all the time!
          Now Rob on the other hand…..
          *runs and hides from Team Jacob fans*

    • themoonisdown

      you get our not so subtleness! ;)

      and im pretty sure there must be some child labor/pron laws theyre breaking. at least 5

  • fangbanger06

    Thank you for this:

    Jellyfish: “I was brought here to STING the person who stole Chris Weitz beanie”

    The end.

  • fangbanger06

    Thank you for this:

    Jellyfish: “I was brought here to STING the person who stole Chris Weitz beanie”

    The end.

    • http://letterstotwilight.wordpress.com unintendedchoice

      it had to be said. it was there.. just hanging around… stupid jellyfish

      • xylem

        OHH! I am just NOW getting that. I was very slow this morning. That IS funny.

  • Melissa

    You girls never fail to amaze me – YOU ROCK!

    and Chris Weitz is looking hawt in the first pic….

  • Melissa

    You girls never fail to amaze me – YOU ROCK!

    and Chris Weitz is looking hawt in the first pic….

    • Xylem

      OMG! Isn’t he though? In that photo he reminds me of Christopher Reeves circa Superman 3. Hawt!

    • nearly22

      Whatevs on him looking hott. He totally looks like my creepy 7th grade science teacher who ate his boogers.

      Sicknast to the extreme!

      • xylem44

        Your science teacher is hot! (minus the peculiar lunch, of course)

  • Katie S

    HA! You always deliver.

    Ok, so, does anyone else think Kristen looks stunning in that last photo? That’s a beautiful shot fo Bella, imho.

    And my grandpa has way cooler outfits than Edward. Just saying.

  • sassysmart

    Ok, I just realized that these are pictures from NEW MOON…this whole time I thought they were from them filming Eclipse. So confused, maybe it’s because you promised nudity and there wasn’t even ONE picture of Taylor without his shirt.

    Teases.

    • http://notanaddikt.blogspot.com/search/label/TwilightRehab Alice – Not an Addikt

      I also thought they were from eclipse until I read your comment. So obviously I don’t know the directors, which is no big deal. But I should have known based on Bella’s hairdo and Edwards outfits though!

      -10 fanpoints for us!

      • http://letterstotwilight.wordpress.com unintendedchoice

        Worst Fans of the day award!

        • Krystle

          That’s Kristen’s real hair – she hadn’t gone Joan Jett just yet.
          (I’m rhyming I guess….)

          • http://letterstotwilight.wordpress.com unintendedchoice

            she did have a hair piece… we saw that way early on in new moon filming!

  • allryans

    Remember in interviews when Kristen and Rob talked about them adding some scary Edward dream sequences that were seriously disturbing? GrandpaWard doing the One-Kneed Side Thrust while wearing a rock in a sock, sucking on Werther’s and begging for a vibrator MAY just be the scariest/most disturbing thing I’ve ever heard.

    • http://notanaddikt.blogspot.com/search/label/TwilightRehab Alice – Not an Addikt

      “GrandpaWard doing the One-Kneed Side Thrust while wearing a rock in a sock, sucking on Werther’s and begging for a vibrator” Hahahaha.
      Maybe this time Rob got to choose a scene instead of a line. It sounds like something he’d pick.

    • http://tiffanized.wordpress.com tiffanized

      Frightening thought: maybe Rob thinks this is how it’s done.

  • Pinky

    Wow…just wow. You ladies are off the chain, lol. Speaking of batteries…where is the picture of topless Jacob running his hands through his hair? Yeah Imma need to stock up on some industrial sized batteries, so that when February rolls around I’ll be good to go.

  • http://www.danderella.blogspot.com Danielle

    Funniest post yet…you had me laughing out loud…the guys at work think I’m crazy. Great post.

  • lapushbaby

    DUDES, you done outdid yerselves, I had to put the coffee down before an expensive accident occurred from the laughing!!!!!!!!!!!!

    HIS BALLS ARE NAMED UNCLE JESSE. omg, I will not get over that all day. Thanks for the huge laughs. Luv ya!

    :-)

    • fangbanger06

      I really, really want to tell someone about “Uncle Jesse” but I can’t bc that would hugely embarrasing and really, really hard to explain.

      • themoonisdown

        yea tell someone about his balls being in an uncle jesse vice! i wanna see that!

  • HeyyyBrother

    What say me? I say I LOVE YOU. You guys are brilliant.

    1. The Jellyfish dialogue UC pulled out was maybe my favorite part. Ok, probably not. But that was nerdy and awesome and it really made me laugh.

    2. Hashtag the hell out of the “ANIMAL ATTACK” choking warning. I’m not too far away I don’t think. If you could just choke slowly, I could give you the Heimlich in about 2 hours.

    3. Uncle Jesse/”when Michelle’s smiling” – I have nothing to add to this other then holy effing brilliance.

    4. “Where are my wurthers? And Where is my vibrator?” More brilliance. And this reminds me of how my grandmother refers to my naturally VERY curly hair (which I straighten every day) as “kinky” ALL THE TIME. It’s awkward.

    Ok. Enough. I think it’s safe to assume I love and worship you both. The end.

    • themoonisdown

      you ARE kinky!! grandma knows best!

  • expat

    my breaking point came at UC teaches Moon—will spend the evening calculating the physics of ‘The Sideward Straddle from Edward Paddle’—can only hope that this won’t also be sth for physics majors—if so, will ponder what God intended for married woman & is it perhaps better to wear slutty tops & be single—you will thus have managed to occupy my mind (?) until bedtime in a bed which is neither my shoe size (#37) nor my piano (#88)—brilliant post, ladies—<3

  • Libby

    Brilliant!!!!! absolutely Brilliant!!!!

    Oh girls, what would I do in the morning without you guys?

    Thank you, thank you, thanks!!! for bringing all those smiles :) :) :)

  • gizmo

    “This Breakdown not suitable for Children. Or Stephenie Meyer”

    LMFAO! Love it..

  • Jena

    “UC: JAKE?”

    —-That cracked me up!

    “Moon: whose fantasy doesn’t involve a sleep number bed, in the forest with a dead wolf carcass lying nearby?
    UC: I’ve never had a fantasy different than that”

    —-LOL!

    “UC: Jellyfish: “I was brought here to STING the person who stole Chris Weitz beanie”
    UC: Rob: “Beanie’s make your hair smell.. I Know. Kristen has one! Ask her!”

    —-Jellyfish! LMAO! Brilliant!

    “Really long used condom (freaking campers!)?”

    —–LOL! It’s a corn sack…..he’ll put corn it in later and put it in the microwave to put around his neck to warm up his sore muscles from the angle he cocked (that’s what she said) his head while hovering over Bella in her bed. Or he’ll put rice in it. Either or works. Smells funky but it works. Trust.

    “The Sideward Straddle from Edward Paddle?”

    —-LMAO! Can I partake in that please?

    “Moon: those dudes in the back are cutting down trees to fashion an elliptical and weight bench completely out of wood”

    ——I’m going to be laughing throughout this entire film thinking about these bits, LOL!

    • Jena

      Please tell me someone on here has heard of the corn sack and that it’s not just a Nebraska thing that grandmothers handmake and give at Christmas time. LOL!

      • sassysmart

        No, I use to have one that had rice in it and yes, it stunk…which is why I threw it away. I kinda wish I hadn’t today.

      • http://tiffanized.wordpress.com tiffanized

        I have a corn sack. I like the way it smells, which is why I use it instead of rice.

      • snapdragon

        I do, I do! But’s it’s a rice bag, lol. Sometimes they come with lavender inside so they don’t smell like cooked mac n’ cheese noodles.

      • Katie S

        My Grandpa uses one of those!!!! And he insists I use it too if I can any kind of ache, pain, or if I’m chilly.

        Now I will use it and think of Grampward. Le sigh.

      • themoonisdown

        a CORNSACK?! that sounds dirtay!

        • lapushbaby

          That is exactly what I thought. We westcoasters apparently do not know about the ‘corn sack’. lol

          • Jena

            I love how many of you actually know what one is and actually have one! That is all kinds of win!
            I gotta say they work! I used one for cramps once and it was tons better than a heating pad! LOL!

  • http://www.twitter.com/Too_Far_Gone Too_Far_Gone

    I love that the CopStache is being mentioned in both posts this morning. I feel as though I need to tweet some dirty messages to Billy Burke now.

  • southernbelle

    “thats one big vibrator they’re using on that stick”

    hahahah! You are hilarious!!!!!

  • southernbelle

    Ok I’m a little distracted by that picture of Edward straddling Bella on the bed. Rob’s butt looks really hot there….oh and his legs look so long and strong, never mind the grandpish looking outfit!

    His butt looks so yummy I just want to grab them….and, ahem um, that’s all I’m gonna say.

    • Jena

      I know…I so know! Strong thighs = me on the floor.

      • southernbelle

        Jena I literally groaned when I saw him like that. :-)

        • Jena

          That’s normal.

  • http://myria101.wordpress.com myria101

    Moon: Grandpa just pondering things like newspapers, wurthers and whether his grandkids will call him this week
    UC: seriously… could his pants GET any higher?
    Moon: its like the highest inseam in the world. His balls are begging for mercy… or rather saying “have mercy” cause his balls are named Uncle Jesse

    OMG!!!! I’m crying!!! you guys have me laughing SO hard!!

    M

  • MidnightSin

    UC & MOON:

    All I have to say at this point is: YOUR KILLING ME WITH ALL THIS READING…HOW CAN I POSSIBLY GET THROUGH ALL THIS WHILE LAUGHING SO HARD…I HAVE TO KEEP STARTING OVER….AND TISSUES..MY GAWD…Not only sick as a dog…but I am LAUGHING SO HARD I AM CRYING!!!
    I am not sure if I should THANK YOU or BEG you take PITY!!!…YOU TWO ARE MY HEROES!!! :)

    • http://letterstotwilight.wordpress.com unintendedchoice

      xoxoxo

  • babiesbrown

    UC: omg i will suck up a pea in my throat! Stop that! I am alone! I would die and the cats cannot save me and Sam doesn’t’ know where I live!
    Moon: type ANIMAL ATTACK if you choke and I’ll know to call 911 oh and use a hash tag so I can tweet your choking for the twitter peeps.

    Srsly? I lol’d so loud my cubicle mate just turned and gave me the stink eye. Damn you moon and oc! My Twilight nerdness can only stay hidden if I don’t draw attention to it. Which means not half choked giggles over shiz like this.
    Sam doesn’t know where I live! That is effing priceless!!

  • http://isuckatbloggingbuticanbite.blogspot.com/ Janetrigs

    Can we have the Jellyfish dialog more! I need to know about that jellyfish! I love him. Him and that crazy Papa Filet-o-fish, my fav two randoms for breakdowns.

    This was beyond anything….you gals rock my effing socks!

    • themoonisdown

      its a new buddy movie big daddy and the jellyfish on the road visiting every mcdonalds in thw world!

  • http://letterstotwilight.wordpress.com unintendedchoice

    you guys are making me laugh so hard. i have tears streaming down my face. and i’m kinda pissed b/c the mascara was on pretty thick today.

    our lines sound so much funnier when you guys repeat them seriously.

    And great job Moon- I’m gonna guess.. 2.5 hours? That was a LONG ASS chat last night and you cut it down well!

    I am sad you left out the part where i explained that i was eating rice & peas & corn since i’m a vegetarian AND possibly a poor boy from a Kenyan village. And then you asked to “sponsor” me for .14 per day. And then I said “SHIT. I haven’t written to Yesica in Columbia for 4 MONTHS” and then we had a discussion about why it takes letters 6 months to get to our sponsor children when they probably all use facebook in the local village internet cafe.

    That was my favorite part

    • http://ichooseme.wordpress.com brookelockart

      Now that is hilarious…I do sometimes mistake you UC for a poor boy from a Kenyan village…skinny bitch.

      Love you!

    • sassysmart

      I had no idea you were Sally Struthers.

      Wow. I am in awe.

    • Jena

      LMAO! That’s hilarious!

    • xylem44

      THAT DOES IT! From now on we will respectfully request “Break-Down” OUTAKES.

      BTW, UC, Sally Struthers would totally go fake (or real?) lesbian for you right now.

    • themoonisdown

      we’d be here ALL day if we left them uncut (like rob) but i did love our sponsorship convo! and i am willing to send you 14 cents a day so you can eat and instructions for how to make a village well for fresh water.

      • http://ichooseme.wordpress.com brookelockart

        O mah gawd

        “uncut (like rob)”

        You own me.

    • milfy goodness

      I can’t believe how hard I am laughing at this crap. The Kenyan village! So fantastic!

  • http://ichooseme.wordpress.com brookelockart

    I tried to get on here earlier, but I can’t help it when people call meetings for 9AM? Don’t they understand my priorites?

    Ok, is it bad that everytime I read a post now, I laugh and then cringe at the crude stuff by realizing OMG Stephenie Meyers may have just read that UC called Robs balls Uncle Jesse? Perhaps it is because I am rereading the series AGAIN (3rd time for books 2-4)and the most Bella ever does is BLUSH and her heart rate increases. Her center doesn’t become wet, she doesn’t feel his growth. She just blushes.

    Sweet baby Jeebus.
    that is all…really

    • Donna

      She JUST blushes. Best best best.

      Her “center” doesn’t become wet. Seriously LMAO!!!

      I gave been on a fanfic reading binge all week.

      I think “blushing” is Mormon code for the tightening. “Ungh”

      • Katie S

        I wish StephMeyer would comment, if only to tell us we’re sleezing up her story. I’d be totally ok with that. Normal!

  • MrsCliveHandjob

    UC and Moon Bril, period

    I’m home this morning but I keep thinking someone is going to hear me laughing my ass off in here by myself and think I’ve gone crazy!

    The Sideward Straddle from Edward Paddle?
    Oh Gawd, I started snorting with that one.
    The padded wagon is on it’s way to pick me up.

    Can I type ANIMAL ATTACK if they bust through the door to grab the crazy woman and then you’ll know to call 911 for me oh and I’ll use a hash tag so you can tweet my histerical laughing for the twitter peeps??

  • Kendall

    Y’all rocked it hard with these two posts. Y’all should take this show on the road. Don’t worry about funds…I’m sure Wurthers and Sleep Number could be sponsors. Thanks for making me laugh each and every day!

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