Awwww, ain’t young love grand?! It’s not even spring and we get to enjoy a little bit of love blossoming in the fall as we watch you two meet up all over the country. I’m going to write each of you a letter and you can figure out which one is to who…
PS Can we come up with a better couple name that Tay-tay or Taylor squared for you guys? Those just don’t have the right ring to them
Don’t screw this up!!! If it’s true and you are playing the hanky panky at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel with Taylor than you’re a lucky SOB cause this girl is 19, you are 17 and in boy/girls maturity levels that’s a lot. And besides that, she’s a young musician who not only plays an instrument but also writes her own music! This girls got it going on, and has the songs to prove it. Which you can learn a lot from, by the way! If we know anything about Taylor we know she likes Romeo and Juliet, love stories, flowers, screen doors slamming, Tim McGraw, castles, tear drops, glitter, that stupid old pick up truck, burning shit, white horses, hates cheer captains and loves being fearless. Oh and she hates the JoBros. But who doesn’t?
So seriously don’t screw this up cause you KNOW Taylor will turn your relationship in her next number one album if you break her heart! And don’t think we won’t know who’s she’s referring to when she sings about “that stupid dog.” I will also warn you know that Big Daddy told me he’s getting ready to sit you down and have “the talk” with you! So if Big Daddy asks to take you to McDee’s for some “one-on-one time” he’s not refering to private time with a certain fried fish sammy, he’s talking about emabarassing birds and the bees, this is where babies come from, true love waits, keep it in your pants shiz! Prepare yourself! And tape it, so we can listen later cause it will be epically 2nd hand embarrassing! Oh and if Kanye gets any funny ideas at this years Grammy’s you better come prepared to throw down. I’m talking “don’t get me upset” Jacob style throw down.
Ok now go send this girls some flowers and do a back flip for her while you recite a poem you wrote called “Taylor + Taylor, we can make it not a failure” So, clearly you’ll help you with your writing skills (and mine).
It’s a love story Taylor, just say yes!
PS If something happens and you have to break up with her don’t do it via phone like that loser Jonas Brother did. You’re a classy fellow have the balls and do that ish in person!
Follow the cut to see my letter to the other Taylor! And some other goodies…
If you really have snagged a werewolf and happen to have been caught going into the Beverly Wilshire with said wolf (though I doubt your parents or Big Daddy would allow this) please take my three tid bits of advice:
1. hang on and ride that werewolf like it’s your job
2. please don’t do anything stupid. Take birth control if you must
3. Watch out for Chris Hansen, that guys got a GPS attached to Taylor’s ass and you’re now officially on his watch list
Since you are 19 and super successful you have the upperhand in this Taylor squared situation so make sure you break him in properly, he is 17 after all and well the chances of you two lasting forever are well, slim, but if you put in the hard work now, whatever girl down the road ends up with him will thank you and your awesomeness for teaching him “the ways.” And well, you’ll probably end up with another slew of hits if he’s a loser and breaks your heart and even if he doesn’t you’ll at least always have us as fans! I can’t wait to hear your sure-to-be hits “Rust Colored Werewolf” and “Got my heart broken by someone with the same name as me.”
Now don’t disappoint me!
PS Taylor if you can eat ribs in front of Taylor and show him THIS VIDEO and he stays, he’s a keeper!
So what do you all think of this Taylor & Taylor business?! What’s a better couple name? Swiftner? Almost like my favorite broom! Do you co-sign this relationship? Do you even think anything’s happening? Should Taylor get her arse to Georgia quick like?
Since I’ve OD-ed on Taylor Swift music today, here’s my favorite for you to enjoy:
love love love!!!!
you belong with me
it’s frightening how much this video mirrors my life in high school, right down to the color of the marching band uniforms. yes, I was in marching band.