Your really important Twilight news
It has come to our attention that many of you come to us for your Twilight news. I understand. We are a valuable news source for up-to-date twilight news & offer a breath of first-hand knowledge (just see letters: The music Stephenie Meyer REALLY listened to while writing Twilight and Jackson got hurt, did he try the leg hitch?
No seriously? Some of you come to US for news? Guys… I have to confess… we leave a lot out. In order to bring you a brilliant letter each day, we just have to leave it at that- ONE brilliant letter. So we miss a lot of really important stuff. In fact, sometimes we’re so focused on breaking down insignificant details of unimportant photo shoots, and naming background characters who tag along with the famous people that we ourselves don’t even know what’s going on in the Twi-world. I feel like that this week. Or the past few weeks. So today I’m going to do a run-down of the latest Twi news. Don’t want you missing anything really important!
- Summit promises to “treat” us with “title treatment” (wtf?) when @twilight receives 200,000 followers on twitter. However, since everyone knows that no one who starts a twitter a month before their SECOND movie releases is to be considered a valuable source for news, they can’t get to 200,000 followers. And someone gets mad. So they release the Eclipse logo. And underwhelm us all. BONUS TIDBIT OF NEWS: Today they just got their 132,763rd follower. They promise to give us something special again IF they reach 200,000. We’re guessing it’s David Slade’s actual height.
- Harper’s Bazaar tweet-hints that they will soon announce who is on their cover for December. They forget who we are. And that we’re not stupid. And as a result they are punished. And the photo shoot leaks. And we laugh. After we stop crying that we’re not Kristen in this photo-shoot and make a mental note to start saving our Hefty trash bags for a little fashion statement of our own.
- Toys R’ Us, yes you heard me right, opened a “New Moon Boutique” further solidifying the fact that we can’t believe we’re involved with this fandom. What do I have in common with 7 year olds who know who Geoffrey the Giraffe is? Besides the fact that I also know who Geoffrey the Giraffe is? My only question is if they’re going to be carrying any Twilight-related “toys” ifyouknowwhati’msayin’
- Speaking of “toys” and in not-really-Twilight-related-news, but still-Twilight-related, this particular (not work-friendly) toy has been out for awhile now. We’ve been waiting to talk about it until we could review it. I got it about 3 weeks ago, tried it out and sent it to Moon who also tried it out. We just got one, ya know, to save money. We’re going to each keep it for a week and then pass it on. It’ll kinda be like the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants except it’s The Sisterhood of the Traveling Sparkling Dildo.* The real news is, though, the reviews of the product. Here are our favs:
OMG! I attatch mine to a wheel chair and pretend Billy Black is effing from behind, then I get another one and attatch a moustache to it and pretend it’s Charlie Swan..he loves it!
This is highly logical. I ordered four, let’s hope they all fit under my snuggie.
- “They” say that this image of Nikki Reed from her Nylon photo-shoot with Kellan is the photographer’s artistic vision. We know the real reason you can only see upper body- Nikki showed up to the photo-shoot fresh out of the hospital where she had her bottom half removed due to an infectious, flesh-eating disease she contracted from sharing an ice cream with Paris Latsis. You don’t wanna know what they had to do after she slept with him.
- Dakota Fanning was on her high school’s Homecoming court and was crowned a Homecoming Princess. It’s not cliche at all that she’s blonde and a cheerleader. Or that she’s an award-winning actress.
- You know the 15 hours you put into making sure your Halloween costume was perfect and you looked as adorable as could be? Yeah, Ashley put you to shame with her “I’m hotter than you and always will be. Plus I have enough money to pay a stylist to dress me for Halloween” look on Saturday night. Why even try anymore? We can’t compete with this girl… Dayuumm
There you have it! You’re all caught up! NOTHING else has happened in the Twi-world that you haven’t read here on LTT. Well, Kristen wore a power lesbian suit with Taylor in Mexico and Rob smiled like a little boy who just got a toy at Toys R’ Us in Japan & Alex Meraz was voted People’s sexiest of the week, but nothing major happened like Big Daddy Lautner lost 2 pounds or Waylon Jennings aka “Buttcrack Santa” announced he would be walking the red carpet as his character, risen from the dead. Don’t worry- you’ll be the FIRST to know any news of those two!
Extra, Extra, read all about it (here, 3 weeks later…),
*Do I really need to say this? I’m kidding
Thanks to TwiCrackAddict– where I get all MY important Twilight news!
Tags: , Ashley Green, Dakota Fanning, David Slade, Eclipse logo, Geoffrey the Giraffe, Halloween, Harper's Bazaar, Homecoming court, kellan lutz, Kristen Stewart, New Moon, New Moon Boutique, Nikki Reed, nylon magazine, Official Twilight Twitter, Paris Latsis, Rob Pattinson, summit entertainment, Toys R Us, Twi news dump, Twilight, Twilight News, twitter, underwhelmed, Vampire dildo