Dear Jimmy Fallon,
First off I heart your show! If anyone had to take the late night spot of my beloved Conan, I’m glad its you. While your hair doesn’t stand up to the fabulous red heights of CoCo’s beautiful soft serve ice cream cone of a hairdo, your humor does. I cant tell you how many times me and my friends yell out “BOTHERED” on a daily basis or “hungerectomy” (when you get your hunger removed, naturally) or “snacklish” (I learned my first word in Snacklish: it’s BOTHERED!) and beg everyone we know to visit Robertisbothered.com just so they can participate in the awesomeness of “pumpkins are dumb fat squashes!” Now, we originally thought you were jumping on the Twilight/Rob bandwagon because it’s the (sorta, if you’re a major nerd like us) hip thing right now and heck, if we’re all honest anything Twilight will get you mad viewers.
But I was so wrong.
You didn’t make Robertisbothered.com or have Taylor and Kristen on your show just because you wanted viewers. You did it cause you’re SUCH A FANBOY!!! It’s alright to admit it, I watched your interviews with both Kristen and Taylor and I could see it in your eyes. You had the look of a Twimom who’d been standing in line at a Hot Topic for 10 days just to get the new Jacob doll or to get your DVD signed by Bob the Electrician #3 on the film. Trust me, I’m a seasoned professional Twilight outer, I can see this stuff a mile away. So when you started acting all nervous and dorky (more than usual) around Kristen I knew you had it BAD. You talked about the good stuff like Bon Iver (though KStew didn’t know the backstory) and you had her throw footballs at plates (aka what the UC & Moon’s talk show would consist of) I just wished you had freaked her and Taylor out with some super creepo detailed fan questions such as:
- “So have you thought about how you’re going to act out a half human, half vampire baby is eating its way out of your uterus?
- Seriously, fade to black?! Don’t you agree Kristen, Stephenie Meyer is such a cock block there?!
- Taylor, you’re gonna imprint on a newborn baby, don’t you find it funny that after protecting you for the last year, Chris Hansen is gonna be chasing after YOU now?! Cause I’m dying thinking of the irony here.
- So what’s Buttcrack Santa really like!? SPILL!
Read the rest and watch some videos of awesomeness after the cut
[clearspring_widget title="Taylor Lautner Mini-Bike Race (11/19/09)" wid="4727a250e66f9723" pid="4b0ba0d264b74a7d" width="384" height="283" domain="widgets.nbc.com"]
While I wanna think you’re Team Edward because of the whole RIB thing, I question your team allegiance after seeing you with Taylor. When you challenged Taylor to racing those little crotch rockets and yelled “Let’s Do This!” it was like a siren call to me. Obviously, you stole the screener copy from work and have memorized all the best lines. I mean, the “Let’s do this!” line from the movie within a movie, Facepunch?! That was just classic. I’ve already adopted it myself. If you start saying “My kung fu is strong” I’m naming you Unicorn of the year and then asking your wife if she’d be interested in a polygamous marriage, Big Love style. I hope Conan doesn’t mind! Cause I just might be switching to Team Jimmy.
Let’s Do This!
PS I’m still holding out for the ultimate Robertisbothered featuring you AND Rob Pattinson, I mean COME ON! I hope your talent booker is trying like HALE to make that happen.
PPS Because you don’t already have enough to do, can you maybe host SNL this year, cause that would rule? Ok, now I sound like a fangirl. I’m done!
(no, really now I’m done)
What do you think of Jimmy? Did you see the Twi-gleam in his eye during the interviews? The Twilight is strong in him, I do think. Are you a Robertisbothered.com addict like me? Do you think candy corn is the middle finger of Halloween candy?!
Like only Jimmy can…
[clearspring_widget title="Taylor Lautner Interview, Part 1 (11/19/09)" wid="4727a250e66f9723" pid="4b0ba2a8a14650ef" width="384" height="283" domain="widgets.nbc.com"]
Like each one of your abs had a close up and a line!
[clearspring_widget title="Taylor Lautner Interview, Part 2 (11/19/09)" wid="4727a250e66f9723" pid="4b0ba428067c3aab" width="384" height="283" domain="widgets.nbc.com"]
See the rest of Kristen’s interview with Jimmy over on his blog since their video widget is jacked and won’t post to WordPress right now! Oh the fun of blogging!