The one where Cathy the Cougar gets a love letter

Moon & I bet on what New Moon would make domestically its first weekend. I guessed low hoping I’d win by default because Moon guessed too high, but she schooled me. She guessed 140.1 million and it brought in 142.8 million. Amazing. I wish she’d be right when I ask her to guess Rob’s jitterbug phone number. My punishment for losing? Love letter to the Cougar:

cathysupercuts

Got my hair cut at the SuperCuts next to the TGIFridays

Dear Cathy the Cougar,

Every time I write that- Cathy the Cougar- I think of Tony the Tiger. And me and Tony had some good times when I was growing up- well, until I realized that if I kept inhaling multiple bowls of him every day, I’d end up with hips like my Great Aunt Jane. I haven’t seen Tony in a few years….That’s pretty radical.

So I’m supposed to be writing you a love letter, but this is quite the difficult task because for the past few months we’ve called you all sorts of special names we made up just for you and said some things some would consider not so nice. We’re honest girls, though, and I’m not here to apologize for what we felt had to be said. In order to get me into the mindset of “Cathy the Cougar love,” I asked around on Twitter to see what others would say to you if they had the chance. Some would thank you for foreseeing the potential in Taylor’s abs, therefore boosting the economy in Georgia. There’s mixed feelings on the brutal slaughter of yet another one of Charlie’s friends. While on one hand we love the introduction of Buttcrack Santa into the story (for all the obvious reasons such as those little bottles, the song about kitties and the image forever imprinted in our minds of an old, creepy man’s buttcrack hanging out while driving around in one of those rape vans, wearing a santa hat), we hate that he had to be killed off. Such a lovable character gone- forever…Many twitterers were thankful you did such a lousy job with Twilight because it really makes Chris Wetiz’ work, which might otherwise be considered sub-par, really stand out as a beautiful work of art.  Most regard your casting Kristen as Bella as your biggest feat, but only because she fought for the casting of Rob Pattinson. Awesome

CatherineCornRows

Jamacian me crazy Catherine!

So as I’ve been pondering what I’d like to say to you, I realized we’re really not that different. Sure, I’m young and hip and dress well and would never in a million years wear corn rows in my hair no matter how good the reefer was that I got from the lover named Bongo Wailer that I met on my 3 day cruise to Jamaica, but I can name a few things we have in common. I, myself, enjoy the occasional happy hour cocktail just like you. However, I tend to skip the suburban chain establishments and go for something a little classier, but I get why you regard Applebees, TGIFridays and Chilies* as some of your favorites. The bars in those places offer a fine opportunity to meet young guys, home on their college breaks. Heck- it only takes four $6.99 Ultimate Pina Coladas to get you drunk enough that you don’t even ask to see the guy’s ID before taking him back to “THE mattress” in your Venice beach pad. Plus if you stuff yourself with enough “Awesome Blossom” before chugging down the drinks and hi-tailing it outta there with the under-aged guy, you’ll already be so satisfied that even Chris Hansen knocking on your door at 4 am won’t kill your buzz. The awesome blossom always gives off good vibes.

Sometimes I hate Kristen Stewart too (as you clearly do since you keep throwing her under the bus) what with all the sex she’s most likely having with Robert Pattinson? No fair! You MADE those two. Shouldn’t you get a little somethin’ somethin’? That’s how I feel. Who would Robsten be without our constant bashing of them and refusal to accept or respect their relationship? No one would care about Robsten if we sat around and talked about their magicness and wrote letters gushing about what wonderful things they tell each other in notes left in each other’s dressing rooms (K: “You seriously smell so bad you’re starting to smell good again. I’ll probably go down on you tonight.” R: “Did you rub my favorite scent behind your ears? Pepperoni and processed cheese? You smell so delicious”) I just know we’ve both considered what it might take to get closer to Rob- bathing in Heineken, dying our hair black and chopping it of while wearing a blindfold or even, most desperately, joining the Land of Dreamers, working our way up through the Amway chain until we finally get to date one of the Brit pack and hopefully go on a couples vacation with Rob & Kristen (let’s cross our fingers for Jamaica) where we can spike their Bahama Mamas and take advantage of Rob while he’s out cold on a patio chair by the pool.

mini-catherine-hardwicke

Come here you. Have you seen my radical mattress?

But enough about us, we can gush about our similarities next time we get together for AppleBeeTinis. Thank you for your quirky, hippy ways- without which we would not have brilliant lines to make fun of such as “Hold on tight spider monkey.” Thank you for your really creepy obsession with Robsten, because that’s why we have Robert Pattinson. Thank you for Buttcrack Santa. Seriously. You deserve an Oscar for Best Director for that move. Thank you for listening when Rob refused to wear hair extensions. Thank you for directing a really crappy movie version of a book I love so much because it made last Friday morning and last night’s movie going experiences SO MUCH BETTER. Thank you for being a good sport for all the success of New Moon. Oh well, 5 out of 6 isn’t so bad.  So….Now that we’re BFFs, any chance you’ll let me have a night on THE mattress?

Love and radical vibes,
UnintendedChoice

*Since we have so many newbies I often try to think WHEN a joke came to be & why. I have NO idea why we started saying Cathy Hardi likes to hang out at TGIFridays or Applebees. We just did. And it rules.

Thanks to Twitter pals: Too_Far_Gone, MeganSpilman, struhar2009, JMaht, Krystle_eWe, PinkFluffGirl, _dharv, mandaliz22, itslapushbaby

And Thank you to Da Raggae Name Generator

Our internet game is ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store
  • Ish

    where did the cougar reference come from anyway?

    • TeamSeth

      Didn’t it come from the fact that she is sort of super into younger men…at least it appears that way? Like the bed auditions, “A lot of radical characters came from that mattress. I definitely still sleep on it, it’s got great vibes.” And if you listen to how she talks to Rob in the commentary for Twilight.

  • http://myuberfablife.blogspot.com Jayde

    ROFL.
    Aww, Cougar Cath would be so happy to read this.
    I don’t know why anyone bags out her version of Twilight, she is such an amazing director.
    I mean, I can’t believe they sacked her and brought in Chris Weitz!. Devo.

    P.S. That was ALL sarcasm. ‘Tis but the greatest language.

    Oh and I seriously cannot move past how f*cking GHASTLY her braids are! Gah.

    • http://www.sassyholly.livejournal.com LittleFang(Holly)

      Agreed. I was just contemplating the possibility of posting her ‘braids’ pic as my new default on Facebook.
      <3

  • Jenn

    Now that there is coffee spewed all over my laptop, I can have a productive day at work! Thanks for the LOLs!!! Great letter…I love the part about getting some reefer from Bongo Wailer, and the cornrows! Oh, and Buttcrack Santa. Good stuff!

  • Xylem (one ‘o eight over here))

    “K: “You seriously smell so bad you’re starting to smell good again. I’ll probably go down on you tonight.” ”

    Simply amazing! How you come up with this stuff? It’s all made of gold and win and Rob crotch scrach and sniff. Gah!

    • Sparklecakes

      Yeah, that one made me throw up a little bit.

    • sassysmart

      That line makes me want to throw up a little. The only thing I can think of is gross ricotta cheese under balls.

      Was that too graphic? Sorry, SCHWEATY BALLS!!!

      • TeamSeth

        TOO GRAPHIC!!!!!!!!!!

      • TeamSeth

        I’m like falling over laughing it’s that graphic. But so tame compared my late night convos with IWL.

        • http://sadcookie.wordpress.com/ illegalwolflover

          Thanks TS…another notch in my creepo belt…lol

          • TeamSeth

            I was certain you were a member of Club Creep. I’ve decided that it’s the new Club Med of the Maldives. With a name like that, maybe we’ll get coverage on fear.net…

      • Midnight_Cyn

        EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

      • JodieO

        HAHAHA! I love the Schweaty Balls.

    • http://letterstotwilight.wordpress.com unintendedchoice

      cuz Moon and I had a convo yesterday.. a REALLY SERIOUS convo about if Rob smells, which it seems like he might (when not forced to shower by the big wigs at Summit- even Chris said something) do you think K EVER goes down on him? I don’t care who it is…. Rob…. Adam Brody… The Gos…. the dude needs to be clean….

      • http://notanaddikt.blogspot.com/search/label/TwilightRehab Alice – Not an Addikt

        It’s what motivates him to shower at least once a month.

      • marie

        HA HA HA HA Gross, just gross ewwwwww

      • Katie S

        Oh man. There goes my pumpkin muffin….

      • Pinky

        Ewww…Chris said something about smelly Rob? I must investigate.

      • Xylem (one ‘o eight over here))

        YES. Clean Rob sparklepeen would be ideal. But we all know that unless we wrestle him down in the middle of a movie promo interview that is unlikely to be case. So now I am curious as to how many of us would turn down a slightly (ok, very) soiled Rob sparklepeen.

        Would you do a slightly soiled Rob? Thumbs up for yes. And before you answer, remember that cute guy from college you got with after one too many drinks and later found him not to be so April fresh? Yeah, me neither. 

        • Pinky

          College dude smelled like chicken grease and ass. I’m so glad I got a whiff before I did the deed :-(

          • Xylem (one ‘o eight over here))

            Ew ew ew!!! I love that you had reference points for the smells.

        • TeamSeth

          I voted, but I’m not sure if I count, because I wouldn’t do a clean Rob either.

        • xylem

          Interesting… So I accidentally posted this question twice. It just so happens one is at the top of the blog and the other is at the bottom. Up here people seem very opposed to giving dirty Rob a chance, but down below (twss) people have no problem getting with dirty Rob. Is he like our hidden dirty lover?

          Bad fangirls! btw.

      • Krystle

        Good point – my bf showers 1-2 times a day. He’s got high hopes of getting action…. lol

        Thanks for the shoutout in the post as a Twitter pal – I feel the love.

  • Vi

    The Coug found The Rob.

    She deserves some cred.

    • BHBabe

      Amen. I’ll forgive her for the Twilight mess because she gave us ROB!

    • TeamSeth

      I thought Rob found her?

    • http://notanaddikt.blogspot.com/search/label/TwilightRehab Alice – Not an Addikt

      True! And for that we shall not hate. Only laugh.

    • http://letterstotaytay.wordpress.com bleriana

      I completely agree with u.

    • EC’sGrandpaCoat

      Yes, but surely in all of Rob’s magnificence, he would have been discovered by someone somewhere else… maybe?

  • tuesdaymidnight

    That was amazing. Thank you, UC, for bringing the hilarity. I admit, I was kind of hoping for a letter to Solomon Trimble, but this was so worth it.

    I remember before Twilight came out, and I had high hopes for it to be a reasonably good [read: watchable] adaptation of a book I loved. I saw Thirteen way back when, and I think I even enjoyed it. For what it was, anyway. When I saw Twilight, I realized that the style Thirteen was directed in wasn’t just for that particular movie. The drug-addled-angry-teenage-deviance-music-video-style just is the Coug’s directing style.

    Dear Cathy,

    Way to never grow out of your cliched angst, and way to keep blabbing about Robsten in order to start enough rumors that it causes a rift between the “I’m not talking about it” couple so you can make a pass at Rob… or Kristen… I won’t presume.

    xo
    tuesdaymidnight

    • TeamSeth

      I did want Solomon too. Which is why they probably didn’t write the letter to him…since I skewed the polls by voting for him 257 times…

    • http://letterstotaytay.wordpress.com bleriana

      Me too! I wanted a letter to Solomon Trimble too!!
      But this one’s great aswell.

      • TeamSeth

        Perhaps the WINNER can write to Solomon…nudge nudge, Moon.

        • tuesdaymidnight

          Yes! Brilliant idea.

  • JodieO

    Dear Cathy,
    Whoever you had to blow to get an article in Time Magazine a full year after your movie (that you will never stop talking about) was released… bravo! No, really! I was always under the impression Time was about Very Important Subjects like the Sandanistas and flooding in Bangladesh. I can’t begin to thank you enough for seeing the potential of Rob’s hotness back when he still looked like Creepy Uncle Rob. You truly are a visionary. Now shut your trap and find a new job to talk about.

    • robsten4life

      I love how no one even takes a word that Crazy Cougar Cathy says seriously anymore. The Time article came out and it’s like “oh she’s at it again”

  • Katie S

    Dear Cath (like the song),
    I went to see New Moon again last night, making this trip number embarrassing. While it is true the heinous portrayal of Twilight made for much more beautiful and slightly less cheesy New Moon, you deserve the most high fives for being ballsy to have the audition for the make out scene in your own bed. You sassy voyeur… Did Rob and Kristen think it was creepy at the time? Then you smoked ‘em up and all was well? That may explain why Rob fell off the bed. I can only imagine…

    Love,
    Me

    • Just me

      Isn’t there a rumor that she’s releasing the footage of the famous mattress (love it UC, mattress sounds way more sleazy than bed) make-out audition?

      • Katie S

        True about matress sounding way sleazier than bed. I guess I like to picture Rob on glowing white sheets, surrounded by angels… Normal.

      • robsten4life

        MTV said it would be released during their “Love Bites” special but all they ended up showing was Cougar Cathy on the bed saying “this is where all the magic happened”

        I WANT ROB ON THE BED NOT YOU!!

        Cougar Cathy, you’re quickly becoming irrelevant, if you want to do something we care about again how abut ACTUALLY releasing the audition tape next time.

        • http://twitter.com/antisocialangel fangbanger06

          Eww…

          It did not!

          Grossest visual ever: Cougar Cathy on the bed saying “this is where all the magic happened”

          I almost threw up.

          • http://www.twitter.com/lonestarkendall Kendall

            Cougar Cathy on the bed saying “this is where all the magic happened”

            It was like a bad episode of Cribs.

          • Midnight_Cyn

            She is just gettting the pervs wound up for when she sells the bed on EBAY…..betcha..

          • TeamSeth

            @MidCyn, thanks for the coffee spit out line…that was hilarious.

            ::signs into ebay account::

          • Midnight_Cyn

            @Team Seth…morning..hope you didn’t ruin your outfit with the coffee.. saving you some time…not on Ebay yet…not that I checked or anything…I just “heard” it wasn’t there yet…she has finished building up the hyp yet…check again in a few weeks… :)

          • GriffsSayWhat

            MidnightCyn- I have no words to describe how gross the person is who buys that bed!!! Do you think she washed the sheets since?

          • Midnight_Cyn

            @GriffsSayWhat…read comment further down..ytwshs…regarding the sheets… :)

        • Sparklecakes

          I loved how she took the host back there with her. They’re both all awkward on the bed together while she spazzes out about Rob and he looks like he’s second guessing coming there in the first place. I felt like we got a good look into what her every day might be like.

    • Xylem (one ‘o eight over here))

      I totally forgot about her bed. I bet she never wash those sheets. She probably clutches to them while watching countless Rob interviews while saying ny precious. Or maybe not. 

      • Xylem (one ‘o eight over here))

        damn my iPhone’s tiny keyboard. That should read “my precious”. Ugh!

    • tuesdaymidnight

      Thumbs up for the Death Cab reference. Love that song.

    • Midnight_Cyn

      @Katie S….you have not seen NM more than 3 times..right…there is the rule ya know….ok its my rule..but still a rule..and if its MORE than 3 …don’t tell….lol!

      • Katie S

        Cyndi, that’s why I’m referring to it as “number embarrassing”. No one needs to know our dirty, costly secrets!

        • Midnight_Cyn

          LMAO…soooo Jealous!!! <3

        • TeamSeth

          “number embarrassing”… meaning the number of greasy chicken and ass smelling college guys you may or may not have done the dirty with?

          • Katie S

            And when you say “done the dirty” that should be taken literally. Sparkepeen did not exist in college.

  • bobbygee

    Buttcrack santa must be cool. I never saw one. I love the rasta look on Cathy. Very cool. He corn rows need to be wider apart. Can she sing or dance. Cathy could hang out with Christa Fari. You gotta listen to em They are hot. Cathy would love em too as well as buttcrack santa. http://bobbygee.wordpress.com/

    • http://twitter.com/antisocialangel fangbanger06

      Robbygee is back!

      Kinda like the McRib.

      What am I talking about? No idea.

      No downthumbs for him today, darlings. You were breaking his fragile spirit.

      ;)

    • tuesdaymidnight

      I’m with you on this, bobbygee. Cathy’s corn rows do need to be wider apart. I’m sure she’d still look ridiculous, but still.

      • TeamSeth

        DEFINITELY! I don’t think they can be considered corn rows, rather braids.

        ps-Bobbygee: Can you believe Liverpool is out of the Champion’s League already?! Can’t wait for the ManU game today.

        • ambushed by twilight

          yeah, those are actually micro box-braids.

          • TeamSeth

            FTW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Just me

    I seriously thought you’d photoshopped those dreads onto the Cougar.

    Dear Cathy

    Thank you also for Rachelle and Billy, some great tracks like 15 step and Flightless Bird and obviously for Rob and Kristen. Baseball was cool too and Rob’s wardrobe was hot.

    Could have done without the blue toned film, the blinking and stuttering direction, the cougar commentary on the DVD and your scary see-through paneled skirt at that awards show still features in my nightmares and I wake up screaming and clutching at the hole in my chest.

    Me

    • Xylem (one ‘o eight over here))

      All joking aside, her casting was spot on. With the exception of Rosalie, James and Jasper’s wig. That she even saw the potential in 16 year-old-fresh-off-of-shark-boy Taylor is Notredamus-like. SM needs to get her on casting duties for “The Host”… Pronto!

      • The Old One

        Casting was the highlight. She had to cast Nikki Reed because without Nikki she would never have made Thirteen and she owed her for starting her “career”. Eric Yorkie not so sure about.

        I liked the landscape shots and the way she got the moodiness of the constant Northwest rain, except it did get a little too blue at times. I liked all the little humorous touches–Billy and the shotgun, Buttcrack Santa!

        I liked that Twilight began with the scene of the deer being chased down.
        If Cathy hadn’t made that Twilight, LTT wouldn’t exist.

        • trixi

          nikki reed was also in lords of dogtown which catherine hardwicke also directed which actually was a good movie.

        • TeamSeth

          Chillax on Chon, okay.

          “If Cathy hadn’t made that Twilight, LTT wouldn’t exist.”
          TRUTH.

      • trixi

        hehe jaspers wig. i think though in twilight that was jackson’s actual hair. in new moon it wasn’t.

    • TeamSeth

      Thank Cougwicke for Billy! Yes Yes Yes! Swoon.

  • http://twitter.com/antisocialangel fangbanger06

    Awww…. Gotta love the Cougawicke. Or not.

    Either way, she entertains me.

    :D

  • http://twitter.com/JMaht Jax

    I will give Cathy MAJOR kudos for one unmentioned thing, which I totally forgot about when on Twitter yesterday: from what I’ve read, the original script she received for Twilight included Bella as a track star and FBI agents hunting the Cullens in Mexico. THANK YOU Hardi for throwing that script away. We owe you for that one.
    PS – I can’t wait to listen to a DVD commentary in which the director ISN’T creepily hitting on Rob the entire time.

    • http://twitter.com/antisocialangel fangbanger06

      A track star?

      Mexico?

      I kinda like it.

      ;)

    • tuesdaymidnight

      “I can’t wait to listen to a DVD commentary in which the director ISN’T creepily hitting on Rob the entire time.” <– YES.

      • http://twitter.com/Shleeeigh Shleeeigh

        TRUTH. I was so second hand embarrassed when I listened to the commentary.

        • trixi

          i am second hand embarrassed that i watch the commentary for every movie and tv show i get on dvd. with the CC on so i know what is being said in the movie.

        • http://letterstotaytay.wordpress.com bleriana

          It’s been the same here. Total 2nd hand embarassment. She sounded like a little school girl in love…

    • Xylem (one ‘o eight over here))

      Yeah, that commentary was way weird. Rob chewing on something that took him two hours to eat. The cougar salivating over Robward (on screen and in person). Kstew living up to her moody, twitchy, how-amo-ditch-the-one-am-with-to-get-with-Rob attitude. Robward self-hatin’ and both Rob and Kristen telling Cathy that her baby is ugly. And I loved the entire soap opera.

      Sidenote: Does anyone else remember Kstew reaction when Rob mentions Haley from Paramore or when he says he was trying to look sexy for Ana K? He so knew what he was doing.

      • Just me

        I love that you remember that little detail – so true. he’s all like “when I was eating my gardenburger with Hayley…” and Kristen’s like “Who?? Hayley who??”

        • Xylem (one ‘o eight over here))

          Just Me… I just read your letter to Rob over at LTR. Funny and equally informative. Your holidays sound like so much fun!

          But yeah, Rob was totally messing with Kristen’s head during that DVD taping. The details don’t scape me… I am like a vampire about them. Also I just remember how both Kristen and The Cougar confessed to crying non-stop during the last day of shooting with Rob. Suddendly, so much makes sense.

      • http://letterstotaytay.wordpress.com bleriana

        And I thought I was the only one who noticed that stuff…

        • Xylem (one ‘o eight over here))

          @Bleriana, I think this series has sharpened all of our senses about Rob and now Taylor related subjects.

          Just watched the Taylor makes love to grapes video ya were talking about yesterday. I swear his walk has changed since the opening of this movie. He has this cute swagger now.

          • Pinky

            I thought he had a great swagger at the end of Twilight. It’s that walk that made me take a second look.

          • http://sadcookie.wordpress.com/ illegalwolflover

            @Pinky….YAY for scruffy uniform porn swagger…LOL

          • http://letterstotaytay.wordpress.com bleriana

            tbh when he walked off at the end of Twilight I was just like ‘dayum that boy’s back is totes going to kill me!’

    • Sparklecakes

      Yeah, this time we’ll get to hear the director creepily hit on Taylor the entire time. (look, I love CDub, I do, but he’s got a teen-like infatuation with Abs McWolf…am I the only one that sees that?!)

      • http://twitter.com/antisocialangel fangbanger06

        I agree but the DILF lovers around here will be ruthless, Sparklecakes. Be prepared.

        • Sparklecakes

          I’m prepared for the onslaught of downthumbs.

          • egregiousgirl

            ha! i downthumbsed you just because you said that! self-fulfilling prophecy! btw, good morning everyone.

      • http://twitter.com/JMaht Jax

        “Yeah, this time we’ll get to hear the director creepily hit on Taylor the entire time.”

        Right, but I’m okay with that. Is that weird?

        • Sparklecakes

          I’m not one to judge…I rewatched the NGTV interview a few billion times last week to hear Rob say f-ck. Really, isn’t everything “weird” just varying shades or normal? You enjoy that CDub/Taylor commentary!

      • Xylem (one ‘o eight over here))

        He’ll just be saying what I’ll be thinking… Like my ventrelaquist (sp?). Also, I won’t get to hear it until after Feb. 11 which will make it perfectly legal… I mean acceptable.

        I get why he promoted Taylor the way he did now. Taylor saved this movie for him and it had little to do with his muscles (lying through my teeth here). But still, Rob and Kstew were getting all the acting questions and TayTay was getting all the protein shakes questions.

        I wouldn’t be surprised if all three just hit on Taylor the whole time. They’ve all confessed to being team Jacob… Even Rob!

        • TeamSeth

          I hope just C-Dubs does the commentary. I really earnestly want to hear what he has to say about the film.

        • http://letterstotaytay.wordpress.com bleriana

          “But still, Rob and Kstew were getting all the acting questions and TayTay was getting all the protein shakes questions.”
          That just cracked me up.

      • Pinky

        There must be something about Taylor. David Slade seemed to be jocking him for a minute there. He must be one hell of a guy because New Moon is just one great, big old Valentine to Taylor Lautner.

        • http://sadcookie.wordpress.com/ illegalwolflover

          He’s totes BFF material…I’d do throw grapes at him anyday….lol

        • Xylem (one ‘o eight over here))

          Yes, there is (somethings about Taylor. Let me count them for you.
          That smile
          Those teeth
          That throat
          His laugh
          That adorable way he must chanting to himself “I must look taller and sound older; I must look taller and sound older…” when he is doing interview. Just adorable!
          I could go on, but it’s not February yet.

          • TeamSeth

            Xylem, I read this super duper fast and I thought you said
            That smile
            Those Teeth
            That goat
            His laugh

            and I was like, what? He was in Men Who Stare at Goats?

          • Xylem (one ‘o eight over here))

            TeamSeth, you kill me! I mean, he is a wolf, it’s not entirely impossible. Against the laws of nature definately, but not impossible.

            Also, thanks for voting no on Rob… More for me! Hee hee

          • TeamSeth

            @Xylem, no worries. I don’t roll like that. Give me the Volturi, I’ll take them in stride.

    • TeamSeth

      Why you dissin’ on my script, Jax? I was just trying to get my foot in the door.

      • http://twitter.com/JMaht Jax

        You’re right, TeamSeth. I’m just bitter because you refused to let me audition for the sexy FBI agent that turns out to be a vampire who used to date Carlisle.

        Gotta go, just got an idea for a fanfic… ;-)

        • TeamSeth

          Jax, sorry, but Wyck just wasn’t having it. You were too Jennifer Gardner meets Alias and not enough Sandra Bullock meets Miss Congeniality. I’m sure you can understand his hesitation.

  • Pinky

    The ‘Jamaican me crazy Catherine!’ photo caption never gets old :-)

  • PinkDolphin

    Isn’t the Coug with the bastard from Titanic? Billy something? Hello mismatched!

    I would have had just as hard a time as you did writing this letter. Cause Cathy pulled a dick move trying to out Robsten and keep herself relevant. And dick moves in general piss me off, no matter who they’re from.

    Oh, and please, I’m begging (!!!!!), please, never put the imagery of Kstew playing with the sparklepeen in my head ever again!

    • Katie S

      mmm, sparkle peen…

    • Xylem (one ‘o eight over here))

      SHUT UP! Billy Zane? If so, she’s not doing too shabby.

      • PinkDolphin

        I think so…they were at the MTV awards together…

        • TeamSeth

          STOP IT! RIGHT THERE. JUST STOP IT.

          He was in my first 5 celeb crushes. Him that movie, The Phantom, omg. So you just stop it right now.

          • Xylem (one ‘o eight over here))

            Yup! you can google it Cougar so pounced on the that Phantom”

          • TeamSeth

            I said STOP IT, Xylem. The idea of Zane on that vibey mattress and on her rope furniture in the living room watching Thirteen on repeat and her making out and him pushing her bangs to the side and slapping her ass when she gets up to go get the blue bong and he takes off his shirt to enjoy the open air sliding glass door that leads to the pool area, which has the carpet flooring that molds in 5 weeks instead of tile or non-slip concrete and they do the thing where you breathe into each other’s mouths with the smoke exhalation and she’s touching his chest now, he takes off her dress now.
            I just can’t look, it’s killing me and taking control.

            Okay, see why I told you to stop? I TOLD YOU TO STOP. I hate you.

            ps-not sure how it just flowed into the Killers there at the end…

          • PinkDolphin

            @TeamSeth . . . that would be a shotgun…and done correctly, they are fucking hot….mmmm….just had the best image of giving Rob one….happy thoughts for the rest of the day.

          • http://sadcookie.wordpress.com/ illegalwolflover

            *breaks out tambourine*

            Jealousy…throwing Robsten in the sea
            Edward’s changed his lullabye
            wrist-holding’s no alibi….

            But its just the price she’ll pay
            C-dub’s New Moon “in ya face!”
            better zip those ooooopen flies….
            cause we’re not on your side…..

            too mean? ive got a song in my heart…TS..Killers? u da bomb! lol

          • TeamSeth

            @IWL, There are no words for what you just did. No words. If it were possible for me to love you any more than I do, I would.

            No words…tambourine, karaoke…shit. Thanks a lot.

          • http://sadcookie.wordpress.com/ illegalwolflover

            teehee…karaoke will NEVER be the same….btw…random question…can we go for a concert while Im there? even the 100 monkeys is fine…

          • Xylem (one ‘o eight over here))

            Ok… Someone has to step in here:

            @ TeamSeth: “him pushing her bangs to the side and slapping her ass when she gets up to go get the blue bong”. STOP IT. I needed the image of the cougar’s reddened ass cheeck like I needed a hole in my head.

            @PinkDolphin: What the Hale? How did I pay for a college education only to just now be learning the important stuff on this blog? What is this shotgun you speak of and why does it feel nice?

            @IWL you are a Cathy-hatin’-musical-genious… Oh and also a long lost member of the Partridge Family.

          • TeamSeth

            @Xylem, YOU started it! You must not have realized how serious it was. I’ve been non-stop fantasizing about NM men for like 3 solid days…I mean, bad, just ask IWL (and you’re back under the bus, illegal…muah!), so I’m already in that frame of mind.
            Once I’ve fantasized about guy one time (or a million, in Billy Zane’s case…I mean we’re talking SIXTH grade here–yeah, I’ve always wanted older men) then there’s no way I can imagine him in a mattress and not automatically click back into my delerious montages from middle school years. I was fighting it so hard, like Edward trying not to drink Bella clean, and then you had to say “Google it” and I just snapped. The flood of purple suit, jumping on the airplane, slipping the necklace into the jacket pocket, removing his shirt slowly, casually lying on my couch, BUT this time it was Cougwicke watching him. Enough time had passed that I could replace myself with her. And it was just all kinds of wrong.

            So there. Next time, keep pandora’s box sealed tight, that’s all I’m asking.

          • TeamSeth

            @IWL, obvs. It’ll be summer, there’s a lot more going on in the summer there. Oh shit, I just went into squee-fest at the fact that you’re really, truly coming.

          • PinkDolphin

            @Xylem: A shotgun can be done one of two ways.

            1. A person takes a hit off of a blunt or joint (or bong if that’s your preference). This person then blows the smoke they’ve just inhaled into another person’s mouth for them to inhale.

            2. (My personal favorite) A person takes a hit off a blunt or joint. While holding in the smoke, this person takes the blunt or joint and puts it in their mouth with the lit end pointing towards their tonsils. Then the person blows out their smoke into another person’s mouth. This has the extra benefit for the inhaler as they are getting the first person’s smoke PLUS taking a hit at the same time. It’s double whammy.

            And it’s hot cuz…well…if the shotgun giver is sexy it makes it hot. Plus you get a hell of a buzz.

            And oy vey if I don’t sound like a stoner extraordinaire right now!!!

          • xylem

            @TeamSeth: What a special and rare bird you are. I had no idea you feelings for Billy Zane were as deep as my Keanu feelings. Had you simply stated that, I would have slowly backed away. Having said that… there is no excuse for the lingering images of Cougwicke’s white pasty ass in my brain. Don’t do it again!

            @PinkDolphin: Thanks for that nice addition to my new year resolution. I might just be able to meet all of them this year. :-)

            @IWL: Urban jungles of New Zealand conjure up Beck’s music in my mind. Don’t know why.

          • Midnight_Cyn

            Team Seth it is TRUE that Cathy is and has been with Zane for a long time! Sorry… :(

          • TeamSeth

            @xylem, there certainly is no excuse for that. In fact, when I was imaging and writing the whole scenario out, I always kept her clothed. So, who’s the perv with a vibey mattress now? All I got over here is Zane slapping her jeans in the back pockets.

      • luludee

        There is no way they are dating. I don’t believe this for a second. He’s way too old hot for her first of all.

        And second of all, he seems to be into tanned, young, brunettes…in other words, the complete opposite of Cathy.

        • TeamSeth

          tan, young, brunettes? *squeaks* O Rly o_0

          • luludee

            I know, right!? ::heads out to buy some self-tanner:: cuz it’s the winter and all.

    • lapushbaby

      YEAH! Dick moves are uncalled for!!!

    • allryans

      “A real man makes his own luck.” – Billy Zane, Titanic per Dwight Schrute

      • TeamSeth

        Which is why he kills himself after the stock market crash of ’29.

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  • http://twitter.com/Shleeeigh Shleeeigh

    Mahahahaha!! Hilar!

  • BiteThatLipRob

    note to self: never EVER drink something while reading LTT/LTR.

    The love notes had me laughing so hard
    Though I have to agree with PonkDolphin, dont put the image of K going down on R again!

  • sassysmart

    My abuelita taught me that if you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all…however, I take the advice of Clairee “if you don’t have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me!”

    Seriously Coug…this was your Titanic, this was your Forest Gump, this was your E.T., this was your Gone With The Wind…but unlike Cameron, Zemeckis, Spielberg or Fleming, you won’t have another blockbuster. Sorry.

    • JodieO

      I live by Clairee’s advice.

  • http://www.twitter.com/_dharv HeyyyBrother

    This was beyond perfect. I feel inspired to write you a love letter after that…

    Dear UC,
    You’re so funny and clever. Can I touch your bad places?
    Love you,
    HeyyyBrother

    Creepy? Maybe. But you should expect that by now. At least I don’t beat around the bush. That’s what she said.

    Oh god, make it stop.

    • http://letterstotwilight.wordpress.com unintendedchoice

      omg. i just choked on my coffee

      and spelled it ‘chocked’ the first time i wrote it….

      • TeamSeth

        HAHA. I’m so glad now that I sent all my love/molestation/fangirl sign my breats puh-leeze letters for you to your EMAIL acct and not posted them here. Phew.

      • Xylem (one ‘o eight over here))

        BTW I love that you an Moon bet all Price-is-Right-Showcase style with the going over and everything. Adorably hillarious!!!

        • TeamSeth

          Me too! I was actually hoping that one of them would bet only $1

          • Xylem (one ‘o eight over here))

            You.are.my.personal.hero.today. My throat still hurts from choking with laughter.

          • TeamSeth

            And i still hate you about the Billy Zane thing.

      • http://www.twitter.com/_dharv HeyyyBrother

        P.S. According to the name generator, my name is “Princess Punani.” I’m not making this up. It’s like it just KNOWS how creepy I already am…

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  • http://www.twitter.com/lonestarkendall Kendall

    What bothers me about the dreads pic is that her bangs are all styled. Really? You are wearing dreads to an awards show where everyone will see you with that ridiculous hair do and you are going to worry about the bangs? Priorities, Cathy.

    • http://www.twitter.com/lonestarkendall Kendall

      Editors note: I realize I referred to Hardi’s hair as dreads, I do know there is a difference…sorry, going forward they will be referred to as corn rows.

      • jennybcullen

        how about just call them as they are: horrible sad sad cougar-locks? bet she tried making some sort of rob-catching net outta those things… ;)

    • TeamSeth

      I agree…that’s the big distractor.

      It’s too bad she didn’t go ahead and get one of those hair wraps they do in theme parks and jamaican cruises…with blue hued thread…

      • http://www.twitter.com/lonestarkendall Kendall

        oh, i once got a little braid like that for spring break in south padre…braided in with red, blue and yellow thread. then when i got back from the trip i could just take my hair down and hide that one little braid. i felt like such a rebel and my mama never knew.

  • milfy goodness

    Cathy Coug gives me the creeps, so I voted for you to write a love letter to someone else (I don’t remember who – it wasn’t Solomon Trimble either ’cause I feel bad for him – he doesn’t deserve the hating).

    I didn’t think Cathy was a completely sane person before the New Moon press tour, but now I’m starting to think she is not a good person. She should not be giving interviews – she did not direct this movie. She should not be taking credit for Robsten or making those super gross references to Kristen’s age. And the mattress thing – seriously, I’m starting to feel nauseous.

    On a sort of related point – EW.com has an interview with the most awesome CDub and there are pages of comments after it because the DILF himself logged on and responded to some of the haters! So if you feel like killing more time on the net today, visit:

    http://popwatch.ew.com/2009/11/24/new-moon-twilight-chris-weitz/

    loved da reggae name link,
    Natty Shabba

    • luludee

      Awesome. I’m loving that he cares enough to involve himself in a conversation about an article online.

      This whole argument over who the movie was made for is driving me crazy. Why the hell would you make a movie like this for anyone but the fans?? Especially given how huge the fan base is.

      • TeamSeth

        “Having swallowed that, this was made for the fans, and if you don’t get it, then you don’t get it.”

        All I heard was ‘swallowed’

    • TeamSeth

      “I do wish there was more appreciation for cinematographer Javier Aguirresarobe. I think he’s a genius and I think he made something beautiful.”
      Apparently I should’ve written and submitted my review after all. At least I can twitter stalk Javier now.
      “New Moon takes a lot of time to read” Ask my boyfriend, I read it in one day. He still makes fun of me.
      [on the studio for Golden Compass] “Maybe they had heard the audio book while sipping Zinfandel.” One of the 7 deadly zins, Weitz. Bravo.
      It’s like being Ringo Starr. There are the big three and then there’s Ringo…Hey Ringo, can I meet Paul? :-D
      “The fans have been lovely. The paparazzi in my opinion are a very low form of primate.” See how he’s makin’ a subtle Cougwicke reference there.
      “I had an imaginary ad campaign saying “Will your girlfriend go in thinking of Edward, Jacob, or you.”” I’m sure we can run a photoshop competition of this ad campaign for you, Chris.

      What a great interview.

      • Xylem (one ‘o eight over here))

        I love that interview. He is so in in-your-face Golden Compass b!tches! throughout the whole thing. I left him a message under the comments in case he lurks. I directed him to here. ;).

        I don’t get the campaign ad however. Where is the girlfriend going? The movie or the bedroom?

        I think I see what you mean about the Cougar shout out…. Is it “the low form of primates” and spider monkeys connection?

        • TeamSeth

          @xylem
          Yes, someone earlier said something about ape-shiz and spider monkeys and my monkey man etc.

          “I don’t get the campaign ad however. Where is the girlfriend going? The movie or the bedroom?”

          That’s precisely why we should have a photoshop contest about it right here on LTT!! The ambiguity, the ability to integrate the word gawdfuck, exploring different effects to create a visual “shudder to think”. Oh the possibilities!!!!

          ::Gives UC&Moon Tay eyes from the driver’s side window:: “I’m begging you.”

  • lapushbaby

    Just a quick FYI, my reggae name is Tuff Congo.

    Every time I see the pic of the corn rows I think, well that is sad that she has no friends. Because NO bff of mine would let me out of the house like that!!

    • TeamSeth

      You’re assuming that her friends would dare step foot in her house. Those mattress vibes would keep anyone away.

  • TeamSeth

    As soon as I read the title, which my unicorn agreed is hilarious, I knew I needed to grab a bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream and settle in before breaking the wax seal of the letter’s envelope.

    Well, I loved it. Oh, and the letter, too. ;)

    One thing though, “You deserve an Oscar for Best Director for that move.” This is going too far. I realize it’s BC Santa, but, too far.

    Also, did you generate Bongo Wailer because Wailer sort of resembles Waylon, as in Waylon Forge?

    • http://letterstotwilight.wordpress.com unintendedchoice

      did you not see who I thanked? I honestly used ‘de reggae name generator’ i typed in “Robert” and that is what came out!

      • TeamSeth

        I did see. But I didn’t know if you just kept after it with the generator until you achieved perfection. I expect nothing less from you, UC.

  • JeanetteJ

    I love it!!! Couldn’t of said it better! I do love cougar cathi, her directing is great for the correct movies. Gotta give her props though, apparently she was the only one brave enough to see the twilight potential!

  • Midnight_Cyn

    Honestly UC…I am not up to reading your beautiful post this am…but I feel it nec. to STAND UP FOR US COUGARS…only b/c Edward love us Cougars.(ok only b/c he eats them but that is beside my point) ..and when you get to be this age…and a cougar….if you have to stand up and can still stand up…then it be for something really really good…for me it’s Eddie….I mean Twilight…the jumpstart for my half dead battery…..
    Morning everyone… :)

    • JodieO

      Morning! Feeling any better at all?

      • Midnight_Cyn

        Don’t ask :) I won’t tell :) Love’s ya JodieO!!!

        • JodieO

          Wuh oh! *HUGS* Love you back!

    • fangbanger06

      So…

      I used to be against the cougar idea.

      Not anymore. I know a woman who is dating a younger man and they are PERFECT for each other. I am extremely close to the guy and I can see that this is not just for kicks.

      Age doesn’t matter.

      • TeamSeth

        Age is just a number, baby.

        • http://letterstotaytay.wordpress.com bleriana

          is it just me or is that a new moon reference ??

          • TeamSeth

            Bleriana, you’ll soon come to realize I try to incorporate a Twi or NM movie reference (or one of the 4 books) into all my comments. Sometimes I can’t, but it’s something I conciously think about. That’s normal, right?

          • http://letterstotaytay.wordpress.com bleriana

            And to recognize those references in between is totally normal aswell right?
            HAHAHA
            I have to admit that I kinda have that favourite lines from the movies and I kinda say them all the time. For example “Yeah right?” from Jessica in Twilight, “The Cullens don’t come here” by Solomon Trimble in Twilight or my now all time sentence “My kung-fu is strong” from that guy in New Moon

    • TeamSeth

      Hey Cyndi!

      .(ok only b/c he eats them but that is beside my point)

      This made me think of the Up Close with Carrie interview when Alex is already high fiving her for the “eating their bitches” comment before any of the other guys get it. Then the kid who plays Jared gets it and like freaks out so excited. He’s so funny. Yes, IWL, hyper twin indeed.

      • http://sadcookie.wordpress.com/ illegalwolflover

        Tee hee…I LOVE Jared….we would have soooo hit it off if I had the guts to see him when he came to NZ..i would have been like…”sup?” and he’s be like “sup?” and stuff like that…lol

        sending u 1st 2nd and and a millionth had embarrasing email today…enjoy…lol
        <3 muah!

        • TeamSeth

          He would’ve totes felt the vibe…it would’ve been like that movie Escape to Witch Mountain, but not the one with The Rock.

          I cannot wait for your emails…I get to read them on my mom’s super slow internet tonight. I’m itching to go read them now. Dear IWL, Things are better, except when I can’t read my TS gmail, which lately has been often. (TOO OFTEN!)

    • Katie S

      Morning, Cyndi!

      It’s been a while. I hope all is well with you!

      • Midnight_Cyn

        Hey Katie S… waving back..how you doin girl? I am still alive! I refuse to die before seeing New Moon…truth!

        • Katie S

          Good thing! Though you might want to refuse to die until ALL the movies are out. And then you have to refuse to die until they are all on DVD. You’ll be stickin’ around for a while. :)

          • Midnight_Cyn

            Hey thanks for reminding me of the torture still to come….I mean..that I have.more to look forward to…I will wait till they all come out on DVD…shitz..you could be stuck with me for a while… :)

  • MrsKowski

    Awe, I am so proud of you UC! It couln’t have been an easy process to write such a beautful love letter and I am sure Hardi will see & appreciate the effort put forth on your behalf.

    I can honestly say a love letter to her from me wouldn’t have been nearly as nice! It probably would have included several “What the f*ck were you thinking?” ‘s and even more “That’s f*cking creepy!” ‘s

    Kudos to you for being the bigger person :D

  • TeamSeth

    Speaking of cougars…my unicorn and I are discussing (we have IM program at my work) his past year of speed dating (he went on dates with 30-50 women!!). He said he dated mostly 18-29, but one 39 y/o (he’s mid twenties). He said she was so awful smelling and heinous that he nearly threw up. Then she kept calling him afterwards and he finally talked to her to get her off his back. It went like this:
    Cougar: I thought we had something?!
    Unicorn: We had something, indigestion!

    (I <3 my unicorn)

  • Kaitlyn

    K: “You seriously smell so bad you’re starting to smell good again. I’ll probably go down on you tonight.” R: “Did you rub my favorite scent behind your ears? Pepperoni and processed cheese? You smell so delicious”

    One of the best things I have ever read. Mostly because I would bet money on the fact that it has actually happened.

    • http://letterstotwilight.wordpress.com unintendedchoice

      i like when your mind is!

  • http://sadcookie.wordpress.com/ illegalwolflover

    Dear Cathy,
    Do not fear…There are people who REALLY love ur work on Twilight…like for serious i-love-the-whole-indie-vibe-and-butt-crack-santa-was-a-figure-representing-the-depravity-of-the-world people who think ur the bee’s knees and other non-existent animal parts….unfortunately for u…I am not one of them….

    Thanks for the Tay…no thanks for the visual of u hitting on said Tay…(u must be kicking urself for not getting him shirtless in Twilight huh? “Oh Taylor, ur abs are too matt…lemme shine ‘em up for ya” GACK!)

    Thanks for a movie that makes us laugh…for all the wrong reasons…add a studio audience next time…and make one of the cast dress like Elton John with the catch phrase “That is sooooo ape-shiz” to tie in with the nature doco side of Twilight…I know u like ur monkeys like my kebabs…flaming!

    But seriously…as Bella said so eloquently to Edward…
    Shut..Up….U are the weakest link….Ur Fired….The tribe has spoken….hasta la vista baby…capiche? Now go hug ur mattress and think about what could have been….

    Im sorry Cathy…I like u…in another life we could have been friends……but Imma have to egg ur house…just because…

    Vengeful Cookie
    Morning everybody!!! the hamster is caffienated…not a good sign….lol

    P.s. Give me some C-Dub/Tay love over Cathy the Cougar anyday…
    p.p.s. UC kudos on being so nice…I cant seem to manage it…lol

    • TeamSeth

      The convo would’ve gone:
      Cougwicke: “Oh Taylor, ur abs are too matt…lemme shine ‘em up for ya”
      Taylor: “That’s make-up’s job, Ms. Hardiwicke.”

      • http://sadcookie.wordpress.com/ illegalwolflover

        Ah…make-up…u lucky, gorge-making, tay-touching bastards..I <3 u all…. :)

    • http://letterstotaytay.wordpress.com bleriana

      That was hilarious illegalwolflover!
      I was like omg she acutally likes her until the last sentence of the first part.
      HAHAHA thanks for making me spill out my water.

      • http://sadcookie.wordpress.com/ illegalwolflover

        lol…sorry about the water…ull get used to my confusing sentences in time…lol I should come with a guide…(twss) lol

        • http://letterstotaytay.wordpress.com bleriana

          yeah please! smth like a dictionary would be great. illegalwolflover-english; english-illegalwolflover
          hahahahhaha

          • fangbanger06

            MommaAngel (aka me) is about to bare her fangs.

            Be nice. Illegal is perfect and her English lacks nothing.

            :(

            Don’t make me go all Gretchen on you!

            *runs off to eat a toaster strudel*

          • http://letterstotaytay.wordpress.com bleriana

            No hers is perfect but mine isn’t so that’s the problem here.

            Dear Santa,
            all I want for Christmas is rob and a dictionary so I can improve my bad english.
            (and yes I’ve been a good girl all year!)
            Love,
            Me

        • TeamSeth

          Re: (twss): I don’t think women should come with guides. If he can’t get it, then too bad for him.

          (hehe “too bad” reminds me of this video, which reminds me of copstache)

    • Xylem (one ‘o eight over here))

      You had me at “GACK!” Her cougar instincts kicked in when she met Taylor. She knew he would be special.

      Good afternoon, IWL!!!

      • http://sadcookie.wordpress.com/ illegalwolflover

        Crazy that i thought of Star Wars when u said ” She knew he would be special?”
        mmmmm Tay in a vest like Has Solo….heaven….
        I love going off on a tangent…
        Good afternoon Xylem…its 7 am here and i’m a hyper hamster….hence the randomness…<3

        • Xylem (one ‘o eight over here))

          Is it weird that I picture you in the Whale Rider’s neighborhood? If so it’s beautiful! Hee hee

          Did you see our boy with the grapes? Although, I need him to stop standing next to people who are taller than him. And he can start with tayswift. There is no reason for him to look so short needlessly.

          • http://sadcookie.wordpress.com/ illegalwolflover

            haha…thats normal…unfortunately I live in the urban jungle…smack dab in the middle of Auckland city…my address is….lol…
            I DID see him…It’s so funny that he acts out things and explains with gestures cause I totes do that due to years of Debate team and Drama school (we might be related…*shudder*)
            I will NEVER look at grapes the same again…incidentally..its Grocery day..gonna be daydreaming in the fruit aisle…lol

          • TeamSeth

            @Illegal, Careful with those melons…

            So, I definintely didn’t realize you were Auckland when I sent you the flight info to LAX the other day. I rock. You rock. Dan rocks. (shh) (oh and the threesome didn’t happen, Char was too ADD about it. Alas)

  • trixi

    i wouldn’t be able to smoke enough of the ganja with her in jamaica to make me like her better (and it is really good, the ganja that is). you guys rock thank you for brightening my shitty week.

  • Midnight_Cyn

    My “Thanksgiving” Letter to Cathy Hardwicke:
    Dear Cathy,
    I love you! Truly I do. You were the start of my new life. You and Stephanie Meyers. Of course IF I was not running on LESS BRAINCELLS THAN A TURTLE I would have noticed all the imperfections in the movie, but thankfully I was blissfully unaware. I watched and read and watched and read, totally oblivious to the hack job you did to what should have, could have been a freaking awesome version of the book. I still love you though because you gave me back the desire to step out of my self imposed prison and led me to LTT (now LNM) and to all that is precious to me my “extended family” !For that I am eternally greatful. Also you helped me find my laughter and sarcasm, long hidden away cause I just didn’t give a crapsten. Then you gave us Buttcrack Santa and in doing that, have made countless parents more aware of the fact that they need to know “they” are out there! To hold their children close and eyeball the “Mall Santa’s” very carefully. Lastly, you gave us Robsten and for that there are no words. You’ve gave us all what we needed to jumpstart the Twi-fever and we love you for that and always will. I personally am forever in your debt…now please fade to black….
    Love,
    Cyndi

    • TeamSeth

      “and in doing that, have made countless parents more aware of the fact that they need to know “they” are out there! ”

      I love you, Cyn!

      • Midnight_Cyn

        TS….Loves you right back :)

  • http://letterstotwilight.wordpress.com unintendedchoice

    Love the comments. Also sorry if you gave me an awesome idea that I used in this post and forgot to thank you- I accidentally deleted all the names I wrote down and had to do it by memory. Bad UC.

    I was also still revealing in my 2nd New Moon viewing experience!

    • Zees84

      Freudian slip, m’lady. Reveling.
      Revealing is what every dude in NM did.

      Abs.Arms.Chests. Oh, and lots of Mipples.

      Not that I’m complaining.

      • TeamSeth

        My fave men in NM did NOT reveal.

        Though, like I told Illegal during our late night show “Up Late and Midday with IWL and TS”, Burke has a belly, you can tell in some shots/photos (I’ll send you one of my burke porn pics if you need proof). I then quickly added, “But it doesn’t matter, because I’d only do him if he was wearing a flannel shirt.”

        • fangbanger06

          TS. What is your avatar?

          It looks like a tiny little boy… I cannot be sure.

          It used to be you, then the copstache. Is my computer being nutso? I almost didn’t recognize you.

          • TeamSeth

            It’s Charlie Bewley flashing his smirky grin at me. I’m expanding my horizons to red-eyed vampires now…somewhat (notice I said “men” and not “man”).

            At work I can’t clear my cache, so your hot librarian avatar isn’t here :'( Probably for the best, it sort of turns me on… er, fake lesbian kind of way!!!

  • http://notanaddikt.blogspot.com/search/label/TwilightRehab Alice – Not an Addikt

    The rasta picture is so creepy it looks like a good haters-photoshop-job. Especially that lateral cleavage still freaks me out.

  • trixi

    ew ew ew. i was reading the catherine hardwicke article in time and this question made me laugh………

    So where is this mattress, in the Smithsonian?

    I still sleep on it every night. It’s been the beginning of several cool films. There are a lot of good vibes on it

    a lot of good vibes on it is that code for semen? i wonder how often she changes her sheets.

    • lapushbaby

      To quote you: ew ew ew.

    • Midnight_Cyn

      AGAIN…check EBAY in a few months!! I’m just saying…those sheets WILL show up…guaranteed (sp?) Betcha those get more than the mattress…ewww

      • TeamSeth

        It’s not there today…

    • Xylem (one ‘o eight over here))

      “I still sleep on it every night. It’s been the beginning of several cool films. There are a lot of good vibes on it”

      Oh, no she did not say that! Poor Cathy the Cougar.

  • http://sparklefortwilight.blogspot.com sparkle for twilight

    I don’t know how to explain this, but I really liked the feel of Twilight, blue-haze tint and all. If anyone else had done the first movie, we might not even be here today! Forget about even the casting, the movie itself could have been a joke and a disgrace to the books! In that same Time article (and she’s mentioned it during Rob’s Apple store interview) the original script had ridiculous storyline in it, the “Bella as a track star” for one–imagine.

  • Midnight_Cyn

    HEY UC..tapping on screen….wanted to mention Windows 7 has “sticky notes” which just happen to be POST ITS that stick to your desktop…are you a convert now that they are sticky? Imma just asking….
    Luvs ya lots…and Happy Thanksgiving Early..in case I forget..oh wait…pulling up a “sticky note” Wish UC, Moon and all and LNM a very Happy Thanksgiving”
    Gotta love em Post ITS!
    :)

    • http://sadcookie.wordpress.com/ illegalwolflover

      hey MidCyn…im sorry i havent been around..the new christmas hours are keeping me out of the loop and i always seem to miss u….
      I miss u…and Ang….and the trifecta of journalism…
      sniff…sad cookie
      Hopeur doing ok…

      Muah!

      • Midnight_Cyn

        Missin on you too..but to be honest..haven’t been on here much. can’t handle all the glory that is New Moon..lol actually too. much going on….( I am supposed to be writing my grocery list for my daughter right now..she keeps popping in and is like “Almost done?”…Yup thats what I’m doin..umm yup.. I told her “Takin a while, long list..” Aww feelin so guilty..not…being here is soooo much more important than friggin groceries…such a bad Mom… :(

      • Ang

        MidCyn and Illegal – our journalism trifecta will rise again! I’ve busy with work too.

        MidCyn – love that you have post is on the computer now. Post its rock!

        • Ang

          Oops – I meant post its…not post is. Fail. Did I mention I am having a crazy work week? Am I forgiven? :-)

          • Midnight_Cyn

            Always..funny thing ..didn’t even notice til you pointed out…can’t wait for “our late night journalism trifecta” to RISE AGAIN!! BTW did u get to see “IT”??? I did not or I would have self-imploded all over the computer screen…yuck..

          • Ang

            MidCyn – I didn’t get to go for my second viewing last night! Work got in the way. I am planning to go tonight!

            DO NOT self implode on your computer. That might hurt.

          • http://sadcookie.wordpress.com/ illegalwolflover

            MidCyn…Ur not alone.its like ive never seen “IT” in the first place…Im starting to lose details…now its just Ghostward and Jakeghost…had to watch an inteview to remind myself of certain scenes…once was def not enough…sigh…

          • Midnight_Cyn

            @Ang..I meant did u see it on the computer?? If so what did ya think??

          • Ang

            MidCyn – OH! Sorry, I forgot about the computer thing! I watched it that night we were e-mailing…but I stopped it before the end because I HAD to go to bed. I haven’t been back to that site to try again.

          • TeamSeth

            @MidCyn, if you implode it wouldn’t be messy. It would just be nothing where your once were.

          • Midnight_Cyn

            @Team Seth “if you implode it wouldn’t be messy. It would just be nothing where your once were.”

            That is how it is aready….

          • TeamSeth

            Don’t talk like that.

    • Midnight_Cyn

      P.S. Why would Windows 7 have a “Snipping Tool” ?? Interesting..hmmmm

      • Ang

        MidCyn…snipping tool? That sounds kind of scary.

        • Midnight_Cyn

          So true..will check it out…be right back..

          • Midnight_Cyn

            Shitz not what I thought it was….so sad…could think of some really good uses for it otherwise!!

  • SarahG

    Oh Cougwicke, where to begin? There were a LOT of bad things about Twilight….but in the end, I’m glad it got made. I love the saga so much, I’m glad someone finally decided to bring it to the screen. And then Summit chose you to direct. FAIL. I have mixed feelings about you. I’m so tired of hearing about Robsten and their “chemistry.” Didn’t Kstew beg for Rob to be cast? Wouldn’t that mean you techincally didn’t create them? Oh the horror! What in the world do you have to talk about now? Maybe you should get a job! (as my mother would say)

    Thanks you for this lovely post. I am still disgusted thinking about the whole K & R smelling like cheese and going down thing…ick! Appletinis are the shiz! Long live the DILF!

    • TeamSeth

      Maybe you should get a job! (as my mother would say)

      HEAR HEAR!

  • Xylem (one ‘o eight over here))

    Gurrrl…. you can google it the cougar pounced on that phantom!

    I know what you mean though, I’ve been crushing on him since “Dead Calm”.

    • Pinky

      He was soo hot in ‘Dead Calm’. It’s a shame, but the entire time I was thinking..’he just needs a little love then he wouldn’t act that way.’

    • TeamSeth

      Is this a double post? You put it further up I think…and I replied to it there. And I don’t want to have to go look at that reply again, because it’s disgusting and depressing in one moment.

      ::searches for Burke porn to console herself::

      • xylem

        Apparantly, I posted these two earlier from my phone and got at call in the midst of posting… I thought they disapeared, but here they are. I am officially embarrassed. A little.

  • Xylem (one ‘o eight over here))

    Yes. Clean sparklepeen would be ideal. But we know Rob. And we unless we catch him in the middle of a movie promo tour… Let’s just say the odds of a clean sparklepeen aren’t good. I am curious to know how many of us would turn down a slighty soiled Rob sparklepeen.

    OMG… my iPhone just completed the word “sparklepeen” for me (twice!) What does that mean?!?!

    What say you? Thumb up for Rob a’la naturale… Thumb down for no Rob at all. Yeah, I think you know my answer.

    • http://letterstotaytay.wordpress.com bleriana

      I actually never thought of that aspect. But I am pretty sure there are just a few girls that would turn rob down. No matter clean or dirty. correct me If I’m wrong…

      • Midnight_Cyn

        OH I would have him either way..yes thats what she said..BUT..Once I “got” him..he’d be showering before I “had”
        him..if ya get my drift!

        • http://letterstotaytay.wordpress.com bleriana

          that makes me remember a story my bf told me about her former boyfriend. he was so gross. So he was about to get down with a girl until he realized that she kinda smelled bad and then he forced her to shower. My BF was done with that guy after he told her the story. pahahhahahaha

          • TeamSeth

            The genders in your story got really confusing. Is your boyfriend bisexual?

          • Midnight_Cyn

            @Team Seth “The genders in your story got really confusing. Is your boyfriend bisexual?”
            Thanks I thought it was just me that was confused..lol

          • http://letterstotaytay.wordpress.com bleriana

            No he’s not.. wait a try to explain it again.
            So my best friend told me about a story her former boyfriend told her. He told her that he wanted to get it on with a girl and then realized she smelled bad, so he made her take a shower to have sex with her afterwards. now got it ?
            sorry my english sucks.

      • TeamSeth

        Nah, you’re right. No thanks, RPatz… Good luck, and thanks for all the fish.

        • xylem

          Mwahahaa… “thanks for all the fish”

  • ItsLauraHoney

    Hey now….Chili’s has a kick ass happy hour. 2 for 1 til 10pm every night. There ain’t nothin wrong with that!

    • TeamSeth

      I thought it was 2 for 1 all day every day. Or do they close at 10pm? ;)

  • K Needs Help

    I spent an hour blowing off work (even though I am swamped) to read not only the post but the comments. If I could be 1/2 as cool and funny as you ckicks, life would be swell.

    Rock on!

    • TeamSeth

      It’s a slippery slope to the top… thankfully Columbia makes grippy shoes for that. :)

  • trixi

    thank you for putting the link for da rageae name generator. my name fits me perfectly-Ganja Shoshanna

  • 3hboyshouse

    Way to keep it real UC! I hope Steph Meyer was reading the part about ” ‘ K: You seriously smell so bad you’re starting to smell good again. I’ll probably go down on you tonight.’ ”

    This is seriously disgusting, but I am thankful that you said this!! Yeah, something else to be thankful for!!

  • Midnight_Cyn

    Totally off topic..what was the topic anyway? Oh well…
    FYI: First hand embarrassed…I wrote to P & G and told them it would be a good idea to make Edward/Jacob tissues…yup I did…and they wrote back and said that they would take the idea to their marketing dept. Hey don’t judge..you were all hoping they would make them yourselves…I just can get away with doing crazy things like this cause like I AM nuts… :)

    • TeamSeth

      I think you should’ve drawn up a contract with them so that you get some of the cut.

      They’re totally going to make those tissues.

    • TeamSeth

      And look, today you went back to work! You brainstormed with proctor and gamble!

      • Midnight_Cyn

        LMAO..actually I wrote them a long time ago when we were all waiting for NM to come out and were passing the Edward/Jacob tissues back forth…totally forgot about it until they replied today…
        BTW..how do you think we ever got antiviral tissues…yup that was me…no I did not make any money off that either..and it was before the braindamage..I was just around alot of snotty kids that kept handing me their tissues..lol

        • http://sadcookie.wordpress.com/ illegalwolflover

          MidCyn are u saying that when I get to finally see u…i just may have real Jacob tissues for the happy tears?

          my day keeps getting better and better

          • Midnight_Cyn

            Hey I told you….your room is sooo going to be Taylor overload…we’ll have to drag you out..seriously!
            I am sorta the over the top type of girl….even before the accident only then they called me a perfectionist..now I am just crazy….

          • http://sadcookie.wordpress.com/ illegalwolflover

            Taylor overload bedroom???? squeeeeee….is it June yet? Is it June yet? Is it June yet? Is it June yet? I cant wait…. :D

            My parents are gonna set me off in a little raft after I do that to them everyday….lol

            crazy??? am I gonna have to fursplode on u? dont make me do it..cause ive had lots of dirty thoughts about Alpha Taycob and i dont want him to know about it….LOL U are not crazy…if u are then i should officially check into an asylum…..never again ok Cyn? or the sad cookies come out to play….
            Muah!!!!! i <3 ya…

          • Midnight_Cyn

            @Illegwolflover…LMAO..guess what I am doing right now???
            Lets it put it this way….I may need you to chip in with Ang on bailing me out of jail…will keep you posted….
            Are you going to around later tonight?
            I have such great ideas to “surprise YOU” when you visit…you have been warned… :)
            Never again? Huh? didn’t get that part…but you are not allowed sad cookies..only happy cookies while you contemplate my surprises for your Tay overload!
            puppy smooches!

          • http://sadcookie.wordpress.com/ illegalwolflover

            teehee…i cant stop smiling now…
            Whatever you’re doing Cyn…make sure u wont be writing first-hand accounts in our breaking news…

            I am being forced to go to sleep in a little while (hits FAIL button repeatedly!!!!) cause fiance says i have not slept in two days(and he is right :( damn him!)

            today’s my last day of work and im starting early cause x-mas hours have begun at the hell-hole…..
            But I have no work tomorrow and if ure free we can talk for as long as u want….i feel like we havent done that in forever….
            Being scolded for yawning…ill try and check in before i go to work…miss ya so much..Muah!!! ur the best btw…tay-bedroom….squeeeeeee!!!!!

  • Mrs H x

    I would like to thank the Cougster for the DVD extras. Without it the “take a shot everytime Cathy looks stoned” drinking game would not be possible…

    Happy Daze.

    • TeamSeth

      Griffs! Now we have something to do over xmas break!!!!!

      • Midnight_Cyn

        Hey TS..was reading your comments on your avatar and I was still seeing your smiling face…so I deleted my cache and ummmm well….your kinda scarying me with the new one..(ducks) I already forget what or who you said it was..and I am so mad I missed the mustache one…but seriously girlfriend..I miss your smiling face…and now I have a hard time finding you…

        • TeamSeth

          awww!!!!!!!!!!! Well, I’ll work on it. Now that I know 400,000 people visit a day, i’m sort of like, “maybe i don’t have a pic of myself as my avatar”. I mean, you don’t. So, i made it a HOT billy burke pic. But it’s sort of far away, and he’s smoking, which IS BAD.

          So i think i will change it again. I have about 15 Billy Burkes to choose from. That’s normal, I know.

      • Mrs H x

        It should come with a health warning. I can’t really handle the booze so I stick with beer or wine…

        But now you’ve got me thinking it would help to dull the Christmas parents in-law crap. Nice – cheers.

  • frightenedflips

    I’m Bredda Ganja – hahahahah!!!! Love it!

  • http://letterstotaytay.wordpress.com bleriana

    So girls I’m off to sleep. You all have Fun tomorrow. I wish you a wonderful Thanksgiving. I’m kinda jealous since you get all the food tomorrow and I have to wait till Friday (thats OUR holiday; I’m a muslim so it’s bayram on Friday for me; In fact it is so much alike to Thanksgiving that now that I’m thinking about it I’m wondering why I didn’t come up with this earlier…)

    Anyhow,
    Good night and a wonderful Thanksgiving everyone!!!
    Lots of love,
    Bleriana

    • Midnight_Cyn

      Confession am I the ONLY one out there that is like “I’d like to stuff it” and I’m not talking the turkey??? No I am not talking what your ALL thinking either..perverts….
      I JUST CAN’T get into the spirit…hey maybe thats the problem no spirits…I degress…I am such a big holiday person but not this year…maybe because we aren’t celebrating til Saturday..the kids have such crazy schedules…but I am not sure that is it…I don’t know…is it just me??? Tell me its not so…. I feel so guilty…. :(

      • JodieO

        Don’t feel bad. It happens to the best of us.

        • Midnight_Cyn

          Really? This is the first for me…I truly want to crawl under a rock..or the couch at least.. ..I just can’t shake it… I have SO much to be thankful for….arghhh what is wrong with me?
          Definately need an Eddie tissue actually a whole box….

      • Ang

        MidCyn – agree with JodieO…it happens to the best of us!

        Here’s something to brighten your day…I think. I’m about to be off work for 4 glorious days! There is a choir singing the Hallelujah Chorus from Handel’s Messiah in my head right now. Guess I need to stand up.

        • Midnight_Cyn

          LMAO..I am SO HAPPY for you ANG…you deserve some time off….what would really cheer me up if you used those days to come visit me…lol…but I will have to settle for more online time with you!! I hope!
          What are your plans for the holiday?

  • Midnight_Cyn

    Heads up…I am sure you all know but I just got an email reminder so before I forget…tomorrow is PF’s Birthday…so send him some twitter love or Myspace B-wishes to our favorite Doctor!

  • 8packofswiftner

    Off-topic but I thought some of you would be interested..Here’s a forum where an occasional writer for a french magazine posts and she talks about how she got to interview Rob and Taylor and the other male actors in Twilight for the magazine. Some of you might find it interesting. The poster’s user name is claricestarling

    http://discussion.l-word.com/viewtopic.php?p=456369

    here’s one of the comments she made:
    Well, I occasionally work for a French magazine ( a magazine for teenagers indeed ! ) and a few weeks ago I got to interview Robert Pattinson, Charley Bewley, Bronson Pelletier and Justin Chon as they were in Paris to promote the movie. It was actually a lot of fun to be honest. And I got my pic taken with them ! Hehehe !

    As for how Robert Pattinson looks… Well, frankly, I don’t find him to be as good looking as people say, but maybe that’s just me. However, I think Charley Bewley is really cute and Taylor Lautner is just gorgeous ( but also veeeeery young )

    P.S. I accidentally posted this in another forum too, didn’t know it posted there. Sorry

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