UC gets real about New Moon

Dear New Moon,

First, let me preface this by saying I love New Moon the movie even with it’s sometimes cheesiness, occasional flaws (the R&J book on the bed there one minute, gone the next) and Jacob calling Bella “loca” even though he doesn’t speak Spanish. I love it because I love the book- I love the story. Plus it’s so much better than Twilight, which I also loved despite its MAJOR cheesiness and introduction of characters who belong on COPS. However……I gotta get real. New Moon isn’t going to win any Oscars. Then again, no one should have that expectation, so I shouldn’t even need to mention it.  I guess what I’m saying is, I’m a fan. A big, ol’ fangirl who runs a blog about vampires. But I’m a normal girl too. I don’t really talk Twilight outside of my LTT-life & I don’t own one single Twilight T-shirt (which is kinda a travesty). And my favorite movie so far in 2009 is a Woody Allen film. It makes no sense how I could love both Woody Allen AND New Moon. It doesn’t. But… I do. And I make no apologizes.

Moon wrote a killer letter yesterday about the hits & misses in New Moon. And I just got back from MY 3rd viewing with a “Bite Me Edward” notepad filled of thoughts, confessions and…. lists. Yes, I counted how many times Chris Hansen would have arrested me were he watching my face or feeling my pulse race during those 122 minutes. But we’ll save the lists for another time. Right now, it’s time to get real- you gotta hear out my confessions:

What do you mean they ran out of $4.99 all you can eat steamed mussels on the buffet?

Rob: For most of his scenes, I don’t think Rob looks that hot. Sure, there are moments and when he’s on- he’s ON, but the rest of the time…meh. I’m not even saying this because of that under-aged guy. Or because he looks like death at the end.  Maybe it’s because he leaves Bella and I get pissed, or maybe it’s because he looks like he’s hitting the 4:30 pm early-bird special at the Shoneys after winning his shuffleboard match. I don’t know. I’m just confessing…

Sick: I get seasick twice in the movie. Literally- seasick. First when Carlisle stiches Bella up and we have to watch it. WTF!? Why!? Couldn’t we look at some family photos on the fall of Edward and Emmett in the 70s? And then I get sick when the camera is whirling around Bella as she lies on the floor of the forest. I get motion sickness really easily and the first time I saw that scene it took me until Volterra to stop the throw-up feeling.

(ohh ohh) "Oops." "Again?" "Sorry..."

Turned on: I get turned on during the hot kiss between Edward and Bella. You know the one. It’s the one where I forget Rob resembles my Uncle Ernie before he went off to war and get lost in the sounds of his arousal. (and forget they’re for another girl) Interestingly enough, the screen turned off for about 5 minutes in our theater but the sound kept going. It just so happened to be during that scene.  We were pissed. Until…… well… until we received a gift. You can get this gift too. Next time you see the movie, close your eyes during the kissing scene and just listen.  You will get to experience the sound of Rob’s sexual frustration and arousal, without having to look at the reason he is in such a state. It’s pure bliss (If, however, you end up with images of your 11th grade boyfriend making those same noises before saying, “Oops. Do you want me to take that dress to the dry cleaners for you?” we cannot be blamed. It’s easy to mistaken those sounds in a dark theater as 15 year old male premature ejaculation)

See what other awkward stuff I have to say about under-aged boys after the jump

Awkward: I understand some of the critics complaints about bad dialogue, bad acting and the slowness of the scenes. It was evident to me this time during the break-up scene. I love the break up scene and think Kristen did a great job, but it is a bit awkward. It doesn’t flow really well, and it often seems just like 2 people reciting lines. They recite them well- with emotion (or held-back emotion in the case of Grandpa Rob) but it doesn’t really flow like a conversation between two people.

Um.... why her again?

Bella’s a Bitch: I hate Bella when Edward walks towards her at school in the beginning, looking all cocky and hot and wanting her and not me. Literally, each time I’ve seen the movie I’ve muttered under my breath “Bitch” because I hate her so much. And, of course, by “Bella,” I mean Kristen Stewart. NotFairAtAll

The Wig: I like Jacob in his wig. I think he looks older. Not to say I don’t mind it when he cuts it off, but I think the wig is hot sometimes. Did you see him in the motorcycle scene? Sure he whips off his shirt and gets all cheeseball (which by the way, Stephenie wrote in the BOOK that he removes his shirt) but his wig looks GOOD while he does it.

The Score: I’m not crazy about the score. I like it towards the end, especially in Volterra and beyond, but when Paul phases for the first time in front of Bella? It literally sounds like the Star Wars theme. I sang along this time. And then pulled out my light saber that I keep for emergencies such as these and stood up in front of the audience and directed everyone in a sing-a-long. Afterward we held hands and sang “We are the Rob

Peacoat: I miss the peacoat. I don’t care that Rob hated the peacoat. The Peacoat was hot. And I miss it.

Would you like pepperoni on that? No? Can I sell you some knock-off Oakleys?

Rain: I think Jake looks like crap in the rain. His hair looks all greased and slick like that guy who flips the dough in the air at Guido’s pizzeria.

The shirt: Taycob looks the hottest after he phases for the first time and he walks into Emily’s house in that blue-gray shirt. And then he and Bella go walking on the beach. That shirt is Jacob’s equivalent to Robward’s gray t-shirt in Twilight. It’s the one you want to steal and sleep in because it’s so soft and smells like him, but you don’t want to take it from him because he looks so damn good in it. No I never had that fantasy of either one of them. I never fantasized that one night I might be wearing gray and next night be snuggled up in blue-gray. Never.

The Hallway: I miss the scene from the book when they are walking in the dark hallway to the vampire’s lair in Volterra BADLY. I have to re-read it to remember why I miss it so much, but I remember tension. I remember Bella thinking Edward would leave again. I remember Edward holding her tightly, pulling her close beside him, inhaling her scent. I remember falling in love with Edward all over again in that hallway. And I forget why. Because it’s not in the movie. And I miss it.

Twinners: I truly wish Bella was a twin. At the end, before wolf-Jacob breaks my heart with his little one-eyed tear, I want to jump onto the screen, grab a saw and split Bella in two. I love Edward. I will always be Team Edward because he was made for her, but Jacob is pretty great too. And I love Bella with Jacob the best. She’s better with him. She’s happier with him. So I think there really should be two Bellas. The Bella Black twin and the Bella Cullen twin. (the Bella Black twin doesn’t actually have to be dark-skinned….) Bella Black is happy and warm and spends her days being “loca” down by the beach raising little bronze-skinned boys and making muffins for her husband’s pals.  Bella Cullen is happy too because she has the love of the most gorgeous man on earth, except that he’s not really a man. But they have awesome non-human sex and he gets her pregnant and then- wait.. did I say this was happy Bella Cullen? And I’m making this story up? Okay then: Happy Bella Cullen gets it on all the time with her amazing in bed, gorgeous, non-human lover Edward Cullen. It’s Isle Esme 365 days a year, 3 times a day. Plus a lot of chocolate. And she never gets fat. And if I’m writing the story, then Rob loves me too.

The End

These are my confessions,
UnintendedChoice

What confessions do you have?

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  • http://myuberfablife.blogspot.com Jayde

    Duuuuude, your sign off made me start singing the Glee mash-up of that Usher song!

    Oh and: “Oops. Do you want me to take that dress to the dry cleaners for you?” we cannot be blamed. It’s easy to mistaken those sounds in a dark theater as 15 year old male premature ejaculation”
    Woman, you are hilarious. That made me laugh so bad! Which I needed because today suuuuucked.

    One thing I wanna know from someone:
    Why after Taycob and Paul’s little tussle did Paul walk back in shirtles and Tay walk in WITH a shirt?
    Um, no fair!

    Oh and I loved the book hallway scene too. So good.
    And flying home from Italy!!

    Anywho.

    xox

    • http://notanaddikt.blogspot.com notanaddiktbella

      Haha, I know, I don’t get why Tay comes in fully dressed, and Paul not! But I suppose both of them had to run back home nekkid to get new clothes… Maybe that was Paul’s very last shirt he ripped there… maybe this is way more speculation than a highly educated woman should expend on this subject.

      I do get why they cut out the hallway and flight scenes. In the book, there’s basically NO dialogue in those scenes. And you can hardly have Kristen stutter in a voice over “Does he love me after all? Will he leave? Oh, you know what, eff it, I’m taking what I can get.”

    • Jess

      “Duuuuude, your sign off made me start singing the Glee mash-up of that Usher song!”

      That makes two of us, haha.

    • StotheP

      YES! Glee mashup ftw!

      I would have liked to see the hallway scene, but understand it could have been gratuitous. Really, I’d just like to have seen it in action, though, because in the book SM writes that they are clinging to each other and smelling on each other or something and I get distracted thinking, “How the Hale are they walking straight if they’re all up in each other’s pockets like that?”

    • TeamSeth

      Paul’s been phasing longer, so he’s run out of shirts already, but doesn’t have money for new shirts. Whereas Jacob has just started phasing, so he hasn’t destroyed all his shirts yet. I did miss his cute graphic tees though with the little evergreens on them post-phase. Oh well.

  • http://twitter.com/Shleeeigh Shleeeigh

    Dear UC, here is a response to the above letter:

    Agree about Rob not looking that hot – why can we get Vanity Fair Hotness for Edward??!

    I’m totally jealous of Bella in that scene too, especially when she gets The Groan from Edward and the kiss that shows how much they both wanna get down to it right there in the parking lot but they ‘have to go to class.’

    I love Jacobs wig – I think he looks great in the cinema scene with the tight black t-shirt and long hair… woah, nearly needed to remind myself he’s 17 there.

    The first time I heard Jacob call Bella ‘loca’ I thought he said ‘hooker.’

    Rob hated the peacoat? I love that coat! Rob is wrong, despite the fact it’s a matter of opinion.

    And finally, JIZZ IN MY PANTS! (Yes, I’m slightly obsessed with that moment because I can’t believe it’s there/I can’t think of anything else except The Lonely Island when it happens.)

    Lots of love and chocolate and Isle Esme sex,
    Shleeeigh
    x

    • dude, i fursploded

      I’m going to need to know about this “Lonely Island” that you’re talking about.

      • Athena

        I’m not even there yet in Breaking Dawn… I hear so much about it… rawr….

        • TheColdWoman

          Stop whatever you are doing and READ!!!

      • http://twitter.com/Shleeeigh Shleeeigh

        The Loney Island is the name of the people who originally did the ‘Jizz in the Pants’ song – on youtube here:

        • http://twitter.com/Shleeeigh Shleeeigh

          WOAH! I did not realise that would post up like that!! Sorry everyone!

    • Pinky

      It would have made my life if Jacob called Bella a hooker.

      • Taycob-b salad…..yummy

        I would have paid even more of an expensive movie ticket ($10.50 for the midnight show!!) for that alone! :)

    • Stalker Cousin

      I did too, which is why I laughed! I thought he said “Hooka” too! Now the next time you go & see it think “Hooka”, which is what she is in NM! You’ll laugh!

      “I sang along this time. And then pulled out my light saber that I keep for emergencies such as these and stood up in front of the audience and directed everyone in a sing-a-long. Afterward we held hands and sang “We are the Rob“”

      Hilarious UC-absolutely hilarous! Boy did I need a good laugh at good ol’ boring work today & you just gave it to me!!

  • aerie67

    I totes agree with your Jacob in the t-shirt comment. I thought exactly the same thing, he walks up to Emily’s doorway like he’s John Wayne.

    • http://letterstotwilight.wordpress.com unintendedchoice

      haha… John Wayne is DEF not who i thought of, but I love taht you did!

      • Pinky

        I think it may be the walk that brings John Wayne to mind. Walking like you have a big package is one of the secrets of being a hot leading man. I swear Taylor’s been going to the Pimping School of Denzel, Johnny D., and Jackman. His stride is ridiculous.

        • sassysmart

          If you were 17 years old and every time you walked into a room without your shirt women lost their shit wouldn’t you walk like that?

          I would.

          • StotheP

            Hell, yes. I would rock that walk so hard I’d be tripping on panties.

        • absolutelyvlc

          Really?
          Ok, don’t be hatin’ but, i think his stirde really IS ridiculous. He walks on his toes, and kinda swings his fists forward. Kinda like that mouth-breather AV nerd in High School that was always mumbling something to himself about how Hans shot first.

          SORRY. But since this post is all about confession….

          • StotheP

            Amendment: confessions shall not diss on the Rob.

            OK, whatevs, but if you’re gonna diss, let’s start with the ability to refuse the Cougwicke extensions but not the Weitz leisure suits.

          • absolutelyvlc

            DUUUUUDE, I’m so not dissing on the Rob. I was dissing on the Taytay. :D haha

            My SO noticed it too. He said he thinks he’s not used to all the muscle. It must be throwing off his centre of balance. What’s with guys and Taylor’s muscles? Sheesh.

          • absolutelyvlc

            ability to refuse the Cougwicke extensions = FACT Rob clearly has great hair style
            No ability to refuse the Dilfweitz leisure suites = FACT Rob has no fashion style.

    • Keisha

      Note: I have never had impure thoughts about Taylor and maybe I just don’t “get it” about him but my favorite scene of his is the Emily’s house scene where he’s in the doorway and does the head-gesture thing… And then as quickly as the scene is done I’m done with Taylor, but long live the Swiftner!

  • toooldforthis

    So much can be said about this post. I’ll just have to settle for saying you are so awesome. Because when you got to the end and started talking about Edward and Isle Esme my mind melted and I couldn’t remember everything I wanted to say.

    You know, Stephenie Meyer does make it a point to let us know in the books that Edward is good at everything. I’m sure he is.

    And I have listened to that kiss scene with my eyes closed (yeah, I’m a perv). It sounds like a porn movie. One that I desperately want to be a part of!

    • Kate

      haha I recall doing that while watching Atonement. Oh man. Maybe we’ll get an Atonement version for Breaking Dawn?? They don’t show anything….I’m getting my hopes up…although evidently I’m hoping for a heart attack/stoke at 24.

      • Kate

        I’ve decided this is the best idea I’ve ever had.

        • StotheP

          It IS the best idea you’ve ever had! Hot library sex could totally fit into Eclipse, though, SLADE! I’m just saying . . .

          • http://twitter.com/antisocialangel fangbanger06

            Best idea eva!!!

          • toooldforthis

            Of course it could! I’m sure the Cullens have a library in that big old house of theirs.

          • egregiousgirl

            oh god. that scene is hot. of course, having james mcavoy around doesn’t hurt either. *le sigh*

  • Kate

    Why why why did you have to kill the sexy Rob sounds with an image of an early ejaculation. Gah. That was mean.

    However, I did like Taylors wig in this one. I know a lot of people hated it, but I thought he looked older- which made me feel less pervy. Also, my favorite shirt is (yes, I know) Jacob wearing plaid in the garage.
    Someone I know will be getting this sexy combo for Christmas. I’ll put it on par with men getting their wives lingerie. Right?

    • TeamSeth

      That’s a fair trade I think. Though my man in plaid looks like a mountain man.

      • egregiousgirl

        mine too! especially since he grew a beard – lumberjacks ftw!

        • TeamSeth

          mmmm… at least I have a magical forest to go with mine, a la Brothers Grimm style.

        • allryans

          My man is all about some goodwill plaid and his freaking beard. It’s like I married Paul Bunyan.

          • absolutelyvlc

            Beards, they grow on you.

            (hahaha, get it? do ya? do ya? I made a funny)

          • TeamSeth

            It was a funny… and then another funny when you consider how fake lesbian we all are.

    • operarose

      I liked it too (thought I was the only one til today) – it made him look closer to 25 and then he went back down to looking about 18 when he chopped it. Still legal though (in my fantasies)!

    • kitkat

      Anybody seen the new Gap commercial telling everyone that plaid is cool? I laughed my head off, earning strange looks from everyone else in the room. They obviously don’t read LTT. :)

  • Vi

    hmm.. “loca”
    I always thought it was “looker” – as in “hey there looker”, as in “hey, your hot”
    but kstew/bella was not looking hot in that scene – so I thought it was meant to me ironic. as in “hey there, you look like crap”…

    or was that just me?

    • http://letterstotwilight.wordpress.com unintendedchoice

      haha……

    • JodieO

      No. That’s totally what I’d thought, too. Even if he was being a little ironic saying “Hey there, Sexy” is still nicer than “Hey there, Crazy”.

  • dude, i fursploded

    I’ve seen it three times and have cringed every time the word “loca” slips through Jacob’s lips. It totally induces 2nd hand embarrassment.

    I, too, have to close my eyes when Bella starts spinning on the forest floor. I also can’t sit through an IMAX movie without ralphing, though, so that may just make me a loser.

    About the score: in parts (the Meadow), I love it, but there are moments when it is over the top cheese. During the breakup scene when it rises, it’s like a bad 70’s chick flick. I also think that the score is what killed the “frollicking” scene. A different type of music (and running lessons for Rob) could have saved that scene.

    About the “moan” kiss: I’ve been listening to that kiss without the picture for weeks now while all you crazy New Moon purity ring wearers have been missing out. Someone on the forum said “OMG! It totally sounds like he’s entering her!” It. Totally. Does.

    • toooldforthis

      The background score was a little much at times.
      During the reunion kiss it sounded like soap opera music.

      • Tracyface

        I have to say that I have NO CLUE what the score even sounds like. I was so intent on the movie, all 3 times I’ve seen it, that I never even hear it and I think I am better off that way.

        On another note, love the parking lot scene but as with all their kissing scenes it should have been longer, with more reluctance to pull away on the actors parts.

    • StotheP

      Hey! We purity ring wearers might be late to the party but we are making up for lost time!

      Excellent idea, UC. I will be watching with my eyes closed sometime today. And maybe or maybe not but definitely yes imagining that they are doing more than kissing.

      • TeamSeth

        I wish I’d been more pure and not gotten the soundtrack ahead of time. It was so distracting in the movie. I’ll know better for Eclipse.
        BF is thinking we won’t make it to SAfrica 2010 after all, which means I can possibly make it to Twi-venture 2010 in LA with the rest of the crew. If we all stay in the same hotel it’ll be like those lock-ins in middle school. AIRPORT HO-JO!

        • egregiousgirl

          it is so on. let’s do this!

        • StotheP

          Not me. Having the soundtrack was like making out while wearing a purity ring. I got even more jazzed for NM after hearing the songs, Then when I heard the now-familiar songs in the movie, it made the scenes even more enjoyable, especially where they REALLY fit.

          • TeamSeth

            It did get me jacked for the movie. I mean I listened to it on repeat for a straight month. Now I’ve moved onto the 500 Days of Summer OST. And my staple P&P score.

        • GriffsSayWhat

          WTF TeamSeth….. I thought we were going to Port Angeles to see Eclipse!!! :*-(

          • TeamSeth

            Are you coming back then? I thought it was just march/april…

        • absolutelyvlc

          @TS I hate to say I told you so. So I won’t. ;-)

          P.S. LET’S DO THIS!!!

          • TeamSeth

            I already admitted it to you, so you can say it. Unless you actually abhor doing so, then by all means avoid the displeasure.

      • obava

        …like playing “Just the Tip”?

    • Lumedog7

      dude – I gotta tell you all, the first time I saw the movie, I giggled like a silly teenager (and I am NOT a teenager) when he moaned. Then I imagined I was on the receiving end of it, and well, it made me hot.
      Tomorrow, when I go see the moview again, rest assured that I will close my eyes for a bit to fully enjoy the voicef*ck. Awesome. This will undoubtedly help me in writing my ff. Sweet!
      (love you name, by the way – shoutout to cleolinda?)

      • absolutelyvlc

        Right. Sorted. The Birthday Kiss Moan scene in NM is to LTTers fantasy fodder as is the Carlisle Turns Edward scene in Twilight.

        • absolutelyvlc

          ……..or is that just me an my perversions?

          • TeamSeth

            um, just you?

            ps-i love you say “sorted”. that’s my fave phrase that no one in my american parts understands.

          • Ang

            TS/Abs – explain? Do you mean sordid? If so, I use that word!

    • Katrina

      “OMG! It totally sounds like he’s entering her!” It. Totally. Does.

      Dear.Lord. I totally spewed my coffee all over my computer at work!

      First off ,the thought of Rob entering anyone (read:me) makes my brain melt and I think I just got pregnant.

      Second, I may be fired for the spaz attack I just had here at work.

    • Nonie

      I think the “loca” line is a little awkward but I don’t get why everyone is so peeved about it. You obviously don’t have to know Spanish to know/use the word loca…. I mean, but whatever.

      You know what makes me cringe every time?
      When Bella says “are you doubting your mad skills?”
      That is just awkward. Also, I don’t get why Bella couldn’t have said “Steroids are bad for you” instead of “Anabolic steroids are bad for you.”
      We all know what she’s talking about! GRRrrrr….

  • Athena

    Haha, that was insanely funny. You and Moon have been making me smile for the last 8months. Thank you so much! AND THANK YOU FOR RECOGNIZING THE BITCHINESS THAT IS BELLA (Yes, my hatred is really for Kristen Steward). In the books, Bella is a sarcastic, slyly funny type of introvert. In the movies, I don’t see any of that… it’s makes me sad.

  • tuesdaymidnight

    Wow, I think I could confess all the same things (other than the wig). Thank you, thank you for pointing out the score. I was not impressed at all. Too John Williams-y.

    I really missed the hallway scene as well. Which leads me to my big confession. I wanted Bella to kiss Jake. I wanted movie Bella to end up with movie Jacob. I never would have said that about book Bella and book Jacob. I’m Team Edward. I just don’t think the movie really gets Bella and Edward’s relationship. Bella’s insecurity, Edward’s fear, their lovestruck devotion, it just doesn’t come across.

    On the other hand, with Charlie, the wolf pack, Jacob’s frequent shirt removal, and Demetri… I don’t really need Bella and Edward. ;)

    • Jess

      I feel kinda the same way about movie Bella-Jacob vs. book Bella-Jacob. I’m completely Team Edward in the books, but watching NM all I wanted was for Jake and Bella to be together.
      Glad someone else feels the same. Everyone was making me feel guilty for those thoughts!

      • toooldforthis

        You should feel guilty. You are an evil traitor! :)
        I really wish we could have had more E/B scenes because their love did not come across in this movie.

      • tuesdaymidnight

        No! You shouldn’t feel guilty! Let’s just keep our fingers crossed for Eclipse.

    • quitesimplyepic

      I thought I was the only one who wanted movie Bella and Jacob to end up together (even though I wouldn’t want that in the books).
      Even though I think Rob and Kristen do have chemisty, I have a hard time believing that movie Edward and movie Bella are completely and utterly devoted to each other. It just doesn’t seem to come across, whether that is because of screenwriting or acting, I don’t know.

      • tuesdaymidnight

        I don’t know why it is, either! Because Rob and Kristen do have chemistry together. I mean, Kristen looks like she actually likes Rob. I don’t know why Bella doesn’t convince me she likes Edward.

    • StotheP

      Gah! Blackest blasphemy! ;) Perhaps I can sway your opinion away from the dark side . . .

      Bella ending up with Jacob in New Moon? Volturi come along and om nom nom. Twilight Saga done and done.

      No more anticipated hotness of Jasper looking more like a ninja and less like a Steel Magnolia. No chance at a leg hitch unless you’re talking about when wolfJacob lifts his leg on Bella in front of Edward. Most importantly – no Isle Esme! No feathers, no broken headboard, no Edward torment as Bella prances around in lingerie. These are disappointments I cannot live with.

      • toooldforthis

        “wolfJacob lifts his leg on Bella in front of Edward”

        Tears in my eyes from laughing so hard. Thank you for that!

      • TeamSeth

        The Volturi wouldn’t even know Bella existed if Edward didn’t go to get killed. It’s really his fault that she’s in that predicament.

        • StotheP

          Surely if Edward lost Bella to Jacob he would still go to the Volturi – as opposed to lurking around the treaty line making mix tapes and building tree sap sculptures of Bella. Edward watching Bella sleep was romantic. Edward watching Bella drop off the puppies at preschool is not.

        • absolutelyvlc

          WRONG. It’s fur-boys fault for telling him/Carlisle that Charlie was at a/planning a funeral. Blame it on the dog (like my dad does when he farts)

      • tuesdaymidnight

        @SlotheP You had me at “anticipated hotness of Jasper looking more like a ninja and less like a Steel Magnolia.”

        I’ll give Bella and Edward a chance to redeem themselves in Eclipse… and if they don’t, well, there’s always the tent scene to look forward to.

      • absolutelyvlc

        “unless you’re talking about when wolfJacob lifts his leg on Bella” when I read this I suddenly had a vision of wolf-cob lifting his leg to pee on Bella.

    • TeamSeth

      Rockin’ it with the Demetri! I heart thee, tuesday.

      The girl comes with us. Okay, dan, sounds good to me, just make it last. And for the love of all things good, keep in those contacts and let’s take a credit card to your makeup.

      • tuesdaymidnight

        Demetri totally distracted me during the Volturi scene. Sigh… Charlie Bewley is making his way into my jawporn collection.

        Also, was Daniel Cudmore an American Gladiator? Because he could be an American Gladiator.

        • allryans

          Demitri distracted me too … with his gayness.

          • tuesdaymidnight

            Traditionally speaking, aren’t all vampires a little, uh, fruity?

          • StotheP

            Um, no. You’re thinking of Franken Berry.

        • TeamSeth

          No, I don’t think he was. He played some rugby and american football in college. And they made him pose shirtless during his X2 audition for Colossus. Said he felt like he was auditioning for a porno. But with that haircut ::shutters:: he might as well have been.

          Instead of disrobing, let’s zanerobe him, shall we?

          just discovered this one, it had to be shared for the hilarity involved.

          ps-I think shutters is my new favorite faux verb.

          • tuesdaymidnight

            *lets out a low whistle* OH. MY.

            P.S.- Third pic? Let me just say that those are some nice, tight jeans. *thud*

    • tuesdaymidnight

      Not a day goes by where I don’t get a thumbs down. It’s time to stop the tuesday hate. So, what I really meant to say was this:

      “New Moon was the greatest movie of all time. It was flawless. Perfect. Rob and Kristen are the greatest actors in the world. Their chemistry is palpable. In real life they are madly in love and are going to get married and make pretty babies together.”

      Happy now? *bats eyelashes*

      • toooldforthis

        Yes, thank you! :) (I had to give you a “thumbs down” just for fun. In reality I’ve never given anyone a thumbs down!)

        • tuesdaymidnight

          Haha, it was totally deserved.

      • StotheP

        Yeah, I don’t get it. Think I’m just gonna downthumb the hell out of myself to condition myself to it.

        They see us commentin.
        They hatin, downthumbin and tryna catch us givin a shit.

        Let’s see how many that gets me.

        • absolutelyvlc

          I really want to thumb downs you, but I like what you did there.

      • TeamSeth

        Imma be honest tuesday. who gives a shit? your comments have been rockin’ hard the past couple o’ days. you gots me laughing more than anyone else. I was talking you up on twitter last night. Someone call the station cuz girl, you on FIRE.

        • tuesdaymidnight

          Aw shucks, my ears are retroactively burning.

          I have noticed that most of my thumbs down occur when I say something negative about Edward and Bella in the movie. I just wish the cowards would show themselves! KStew? Are you out there? I should probably take it as a compliment, that my words were powerful enough to spark such hostility and rage that a reader would make the effort to select the “Um, that’s lame” thumbs down.

  • NewDawn

    I missed the hallway scene from the book too. I wish that there was a little more anticipation before the reunion. Bella spent a lot if time in the book thinking that he was just going to leave again and I wanted just a little bit of that. I know, I know, the movie is different from the book and I have accepted it, I promise!! I did miss that bit though…

    On a side note I totally loved Jacob in the rain, and Rob still did it for me even when he wasn’t on!

    • usualnurse

      i just finished replying the same thing, then found your message here!

      I agree! love wet jacob, and LOVED wet rob from twilight.

      more than that, love wet me when i think of wet jacward.

      • NewDawn

        Oh god I know there is just something about hot men in the rain, or a pool, or a shower… I need to stop! And now I’m totally going to watch twilight again so I can stare at wet Rob!!

  • toooldforthis

    UC – I loved the side-by-side shots of Rob in his sexy t-shirt from Twilight and Taylor in his sexy NM t-shirt.

    But you should have posted wet Robward from Twilight next to Wet Taylor from NM.

    You should NEVER miss an opportunity to post a wet Robward picture!

    • StotheP

      NEVER abandon a wet Robward, I agree.

      I’m rolling my eyes as I type this, but, yes, the rain scene was 10 kinds of hawt. I continue to wish that Meyer had thrown Jacob a bone and let him imprint on that girl in the park. I DON’T like the idea of Jacob and Bella, but I could get into Jacob and some strange . . .

      • toooldforthis

        Agree! Jacob needed something other than an infant to fall romantically in love with (it feels so gross even typing that.)

        • Tracyface

          Before I read BD I totally thought he’d end up with Leah because of their distaste for each other. Oh well.

          • absolutelyvlc

            ME TOO!!!

      • meznok

        I agree. I’m definitely Team Jacob but not with Bella, if that makes ANY sense. I would have liked for him to imprint on Leah……Built up animosity ALWAYS equals crazy hot shenanigans eventually. “It’s Science.”

    • http://letterstotwilight.wordpress.com unintendedchoice

      i failed you. i am sorry :(

      • egregiousgirl

        it’s okay. here they are being wet together. you’re welcome.

        • StotheP

          BLOCK PARTY FTW!

        • TeamSeth

          OMG. EG take that down! That’s my neighborhood! a-w-k-w-a-r-d.

        • sassysmart

          Are you trying to get arrested?

          Contributing to a minor? Isn’t it enough to have Chris Hansen down your neck?

          I don’t know what we are gonna do with you.

          • egregiousgirl

            the beer was for rob. they’re on a date. roblor forever! god, if you guys think that’s bad, don’t look at the rest of them….

          • StotheP

            You are exactly my kind of perv.

          • tuesdaymidnight

            Yes! Roblor lives!! A million thumbs up, EG!

  • JodieO

    Yeah, I thought it was just me who didn’t think Edward was hot in this movie. And it’s not just the tweed grandpa suit. They funked up his makeup or something. He just looks… average. *pout* Except i Volterra when it looks like Alice backed over his face with the car.

    • tuesdaymidnight

      “Except in Volterra when it looks like Alice backed over his face with the car.”

      Hahahahaha! That’s exactly what it looked like!

      • TeamSeth

        And he dyed his skin grey.

        • toooldforthis

          And his teeth.

    • allryans

      You’re not alone. I am here with you. Though you far away …. what the hell is wrong with me?

      Um, Rob looked hot in the parking lot, at the birthday party and the afterwards, during the Volturi fight and at the very end. So … other than that, he looked like shit.

      • JodieO

        Eh, gimme Bioward anytime. He might be blue, but I’ll get over it.

  • TeamSeth

    @UC, Your fave movie of 2009 is actually Whatever Works? I think I’d pick the feel good 500 Days of Summer over Allen’s forced ending (he’s gay, really? lame. Suspension of disbelief bubble bursted). Evan Rachel Wood, however, ftw. Maybe I just don’t like watching Larry David act.
    I’d have to go with Brothers Bloom. That said, I’ve not actually seen many films this year.

    • TheColdWoman

      500 Days of Summer all the way!!

    • ambushed by twilight

      yeah-man, Brothers Bloom was all kinds of awesome… LOVED it!

      • TeamSeth

        I do have this thing for Mark Ruffalo. And after The Fountain I developed this fake lesbian thing for Rachel Weisz. Her voice is too delicious.

        • ambushed by twilight

          i do always like her, even down to her two-bit part in About A Boy. and Ruffalo! so sweet, all the time… but gotta love Brody, ever since The Village… that mournful face and sharp nose… (i have a thing about noses)

    • Ang

      500 Days of Summer is my movie of the year choice! Loved it.

      • Kmountainlion

        Loved 500 Days of Summer, too, but love Adrien Brody in Brothers Bloom. Ever since his impromtu kiss with Halle Berry when he won an Oscar, I’ve never forgotten…

        Sorry for the digression.

        • TeamSeth

          Never apologise on LTT. Unless of course you’re being a bitch on purpose.

          • TeamSeth

            on accident*

        • Ang

          Like kismet…digression just happens sometimes.

    • absolutelyvlc

      And TeamSeth gives away another ending for the win.

      • TeamSeth

        That wasn’t giving away the ending. Besides, Allen’s endings are really the strong point of his films… the middle is.

  • Rena

    I was wondering where Tyler Crowley was in NM. I mean, he almost kills Bella in the first movie – so we completely take him out in the second one?! Not that he was crucial to the plot – but he was nowhere.

    • Pinky

      I wondered the same thing, but was he even featured in the NM book? I don’t remember because I would rather get myself with a spoon than read NM again. Sorry.

      • Pinky

        get=gut

        I’ve been in typo hell for two straight days.

        • StotheP

          No, really, it’s funny just as it is. You get yourself with that spoon, girl.

      • absolutelyvlc

        a)Charlie took him out back and shot him
        b)Mike Newton strangled him with red rope licorice
        c)Edward fed on him
        d)He got expelled for drunk driving

        • Ang

          I’m going to go with a) Charlie took him out back and shot him. We know how upset he was with Tyler at the hospital that day!

          b – with the flu bug going around I don’t think Mike had the strength to strangle him.
          c – Eddie wouldn’t ruin his “special diet” for Tyler
          d – He wasn’t drunk…if so, he wouldn’t have hung his bloody head out and said that he “tried to stop”

    • tuesdaymidnight

      I wondered that, too! Of course, since they combined Jessica and Lauren into one person, maybe there was no need for Tyler.

    • TeamSeth

      I think that since Eric and Angela were paired and Mike and Jess were sort of paired, they didn’t want to add an unpaired guy, and why add Lauren?

    • superhumanmoron

      I think he is mentioned in NM, but just as someone who sits at the same lunch table. No lines, so why bother?

  • quitesimplyepic

    I think I’m going to have to watch New Moon again to pick up on the “loca”. I missed it first time round.

    Completely agree with your comments about Rob UC. We’re meant to believe that he’s this ‘beautiful Adonis’ but it don’t get that ‘hottest’ or ‘attractiveness’ from movie Edward (even though I find Rob attractive). In New Moon, this may have been due to his grandpa wardrobe.

    My confession is that I haven’t picked up on much of what people are commenting on (re: the score) as I’ve only seen New Moon once *hangs head* I think this needs to be rectified soon.

    • Natasha

      I missed the “loca” line too! Didn’t knew he said that

      • http://letterstotwilight.wordpress.com unintendedchoice

        “where you been, Loca” it’s so gross…

        Actually.. now that I think of it…. it’s kinda like Tequila Tomas is there with us.. So I love it now

        • TeamSeth

          see what happens when you get your snark on and turn off your critical eye… everything becomes green again ;)

          • absolutelyvlc

            that’s purple.

    • Kmountainlion

      There is no comparison between the hotness of Edward in Twilight and New Moon.

      Twi – cafeteria entrance, Bloated Toad (can’t believe I know the name) restaurant scene, meeting Charlie (officially) for the 1st time, kissing scene in bedroom, prom night. Has there ever been a sexier more delicious guy at a prom? Never! Not in my mind.

      NM – strut across parking lot, shirtless Edward…I’m done…that’s all.

      Rob probably thinks this is a good thing…maybe it’ll keep fans from being so insane…not a chance.

      • southernbelle

        Anything that involves Edward or Rob, well let’s just say I am IN!!!! I will dig it! :-)

        I’ve said it before, Rob could be wearing a burlap sack and I’d still find him hot. I know Edward wouldn’t be caught in a burlap sack though LOL!

  • Natasha

    “You will get to experience the sound of Rob’s sexual frustration and arousal, without having to look at the reason he is in such a state”
    I only watched NM once and that scene was AWESOME. I was wondering if he does that sound in real live (fucking hope so) It turned me on that half a second arousal frustration. Kstew is lucky!

    • toooldforthis

      Yes, he does make that sound in real life. :)

      • absolutelyvlc

        He’s a method actor.

      • natashadushi

        mmmmmmmmmmm le sigh

  • TeamSeth

    Agrees and an add (I’m tired today, don’t expect quality or wit):
    The Rain: Yes, I’ve never been a fan of that texture of hair when it’s wet.
    Rob’s not hot: Obviously. He was only hot in that scene in the restaurant in Twilight: The Original. But I guess we all know where I stand on Rob.
    The Score: What a disappointment. The score itself may hold through, but not in this film. Not at all. Sorry Alexandre, you dropped the ball.
    The Shirt: Isn’t this what all girls want? A broad-shouldered guy in a soft Banana Republic heather grey tshirt size medium? It’s the reason why I love my boyfriend (oh, and his Star Wars figurine collection. He rules. Aunt Beru and Uncle Owen’s corpses, Jabba the Hut’s hookah, a tautan you can slit apart [I wish!]… What a turn on.)

    Add:
    Felix’s wink: Where was this? It was such a great part of the book. Felix is so creepy, then he winks at Bella, which just exacerbates his creepiness. Plus then I’d at least have one moment of Daniel Cudmore winking. C’est la vie.

    • tuesdaymidnight

      I forgot about Felix’s wink! Now I feel robbed.

      P.S.- Jealous of the bf’s Star Wars figurine collection.

      • TeamSeth

        Yeah you are! That was the kicker for me with him. He’d given up on us dating (I told him he was too old for me, which he is, but oh well– age is just a number, baby) and thought, To hell with it, I’ll just show her, what’s there to lose?. Later that night over a bad cosmo w/ my BFF I was telling her about the figurines and she went, “Is Star Wars a movie?” That’s when i realized I had hit the jackpot with this guy. Then I went over and made out with him.

        Sigh, ColossusFelix.

  • http://www.twitter.com/lonestarkendall Kendall

    Rob is missing more in the movie than just the peacoat that made Edward hot: the bouffant and plucked eyebrows. I’m typically not that attracted to the metrosexual guy, but my gawd when Edward walks into the cafeteria for the first time with his hair all coiffed and pretty and with those finely sculpted eyebrows…I die.

    • http://www.twitter.com/lonestarkendall Kendall

      I got all excited just thinking about cafeteria Edward and didn’t speak very coherently…what I was trying to say was Twilight Edward = means me losing it. New Moon Edward = me not so much. I really should re-read my comments before posting.

    • StotheP

      We die together, my friend.

      In New Moon? I don’t care what anyone says about a wind machine or exploitation, the parking lot strut is a top five moment.

      UC, I’m feeling ya on this one. How could Bella watch that sexy prowl and NOT jump on top of him/under him/into that black Volvo? Imma cut a bitch . . .

      • http://letterstotwilight.wordpress.com unintendedchoice

        seriously. if she’s gonna the mother effing luckiest bitch on the planet, the least she can do is fulfill my fantasies and take him IN the Volvo during first period… uggh

        • StotheP

          YES! If the Volvo’s a-rocking, don’t come a-knocking!

          • TeamSeth

            bringin’ it back!
            ps-I remembered last night thrashing around in bed thinking about how much I missed you during our epic innaguaral chat what my first post on LTT was (besides the jane austen lame one). It was about the cars. How nerdy.

        • toooldforthis

          Wasn’t that the point of getting the hatchback?

    • Tracyface

      Major friggin eyebrows in this movie! It’s rather distracting.

      • absolutelyvlc

        I dont’ know what all this hatin’ on NM is about today. I guess I’m still in my NM bubble. Maybe after I’ve seen it again and again and again I’ll be more critical or snarky, but for the time being I think I’m still in love. Except for Bella’s eyebrows. I’m sure you were talkign about some of the other eyebrows in the movie, but for me all I kept focussing on when KStew was on screen was the fact that one eyebrow was waaaay thicker than the other one. Excpet for one scene. I guess the wig department needed more hair so they plucked some from her thick brow before filming that day.

  • Proselyte3

    Ah, confession…I’ve only seen NM once so far. And I’m pretty sure I’m just going again to watch Robward work his catwalk, wind machine, slo-mo, strut of spontaneous ovulation. That’s worth the price of admission right there.

    • StotheP

      Ditto! ‘catwalk, wind machine, slo-mo, strut of spontaneous ovulation.’ A mouthful, but perfect!

      • gave my soul to RobGod.

        that’s what she said…

    • Ang

      I cannot wait for the dvd for this very reason. I’ll have to buy multiple copies because that spot will surely be worn out quickly!

      • natashadushi

        LMAO

      • southernbelle

        Hmmm, which one did u wear out in the Twilight DVD? Bwahahah!

        *cafeteria scene, restaurant scene, kissing scene, prom kissing scene….lol*

  • http://sadcookie.wordpress.com/ illegalwolflover

    UC brilliant post as usual…I may or may not have a blue-grey tee in my closet sprayed with pine and dog shampoo for the genuine wolf and forest scent…

    The comments yesterday left me feeling like a sad panda…a sad panda of Lin Lin proportions…and no one wants that…so I have a little love and ranting to share…

    About Taycob’s voice…sigh…He’s 17…Yes he looks like he could pass off as a 21 year old due to the abbage for the cabbage but he’s still 17. He may have put in a lot of work to look the part physically but he has no way of controlling his testosterone (especially when I’m around) so till his voice drops another octave put Chaske Barry White Spencer on repeat…

    About the wolfpack’s lack of abbage and cabbage…They havent been working out as long as Taycob and Paulex…I mean those 2 created workouts while they were in fetus mode (cause they were bored) and pretty much ab crunched their way out of their moms…I’m sure they’ll look better in eclipse..either way..they’re awesome PERIOD

    Ditto on the wolf scenes…AWESOMESAUCE…even the nerdy wolf…cant wait to see him phased…

    Lets spread a little love shall we? For the little things. Like for Robsten for being squee-inducing, Charlie and Daniel for being bringing their A-game in the midst of Sheen and Fanning and Rosalie for being the character we all love to hate…

    and the DILF? He took a difficult book and did his darndest best to make us believe in his vision and he succeeded…
    I mean lets save the hate for people who really deserve it..like the Coug…yes I know she cast Rob (thank you) but if we had her for New Moon and she saw Tay like that, Edward would have been just a voice. Believe me…she saw that the force (read hotness) was strong in the Little one..hence the Scruffy-uniform-swagger-porn. It would have been as if Eddie never existed…

    Oh yeah and hate on Miley case she’s totes jealous that she didnt get to play Bella…

    Morning everybody!!!
    Dont hate appreciate a cookie!
    *gets off soap box*
    p.s. St, Marcus’ feast day can get a bit pushy…give me a Quileute bonfire anyday…
    sorry about the long comment..had to let it all out…forgive

    • Ang

      “Oh yeah and hate on Miley case she’s totes jealous that she didnt get to play Bella…”

      Thank God! I’d really hate it if I couldn’t be a Twi-fan because of her!

    • StotheP

      Miley is TOTALLY jealous she didn’t get to play Bella! OR, I’m thinking she might be hating on Swiftner these days, what with GirlTay turning everything she touches to gold. Excluding any illegal abs she should not be touching.

    • tuesdaymidnight

      “I mean those 2 created workouts while they were in fetus mode (cause they were bored) and pretty much ab crunched their way out of their moms…”

      Hahahaha! I love you, IWL!

    • egregiousgirl

      well you know i’m biased too, but i like his voice. like everything else about him, (except the height) it’s pretty much exactly as i imagined for jake. oh, and i’m coming to your quileute bonfire. i’ll bring the marshmallows.

    • TeamSeth

      First off: Lin Lin, sad, so sad.

      Second:
      I’m so glad that I came out of my closet Bewley/Cudmore fangirling and brought them to light. In interviews, Dan discusses that he felt Felix had an inferiority complex because he lacked a supernatural power, thus Aro didn’t value him as much. Bewley assures his interviewer that he was aiming to make Demetri have the most ambiguous sexuality in a vamp ever. He hopes to answerpose the question “is he gay or European.” (Ok, who else didn’t notice that Demetri was androgynously bicurious in the book? But way to effort it anyway, Bewley.)

      Lastly, put me on the pot luck list for bonfire. It’ll be me +2. They eat humans, and um, keep Leah away. She’s got attitude/hormonal problems anyway. I’ll be bringing chocolate bars to go w/ EG’s marshmallows, oh and just in case any dementors show.

      ps-I read somewhere that Cougwicke has a way of counting midi-chlorians.

    • luludee

      Well said!!!

    • absolutelyvlc

      Miley’s upset cuz she sent her “people” to Rob’s trailer to tell him she wanted to have an audience with him and he was all “Pffff, whatever loser”. Now she vows to “ruin him”.

      • Pinky

        I’m still waiting for the demise of Radiohead. God forbid the tweens stop buying their albums ;-)

  • usualnurse

    First…UC-I also am a HUGE woody allen fan! I agree it seems strange that you could love both, but behold, we can be “Croody Weizlen” fans. I’m out of touch with the real world lately as I’m stuck behind a computer writing my thesis, what is the W.A. film from this year?

    Next-
    I have to disagree about the wet Jacob….I think he is HOT in that scene!

    I also LOVE the hallway scene and completely miss it!! That was my first complaint I had the moment the movie ended. At least while reading the book (especially the first time through) ALL I WANTED WAS FOR EDWARD TO COME BACK!!! It was EPIC when we finally had him back….such a HUGE deal!!! In the movie, i feel like the whole return was CUT SHORT!!! They crammed all of these MONUMENTAL moments from the book into 30 seconds of film??? It’s like they minimized this grand finale we’d been longing for throughout the whole book!! I was very disappointed in that whole scene. Why did they have Edward tell her right on the spot that he was lying to her? Why couldnt they just wait and give us the dark, scary, intense hallway, the bella who is longing to spend every moment she can with edward b/c she knows her time with him is minimal. I WANTED THAT SCENE!!! I just felt like that ULTIMATE REUNION we’ve been LONGING for was just cut short. hated that.

    Also, during the scene where edward calls Charlies house and thinks bella is dead, i cant stand the way he stiffens himself (thats what she said) as he turns his body. he totally looks like he has a stick up his butt. (though I wouldnt mind his stick up my you-know-what).

    agree-bella’s a bitch, i hate her too.

    • http://letterstotwilight.wordpress.com unintendedchoice

      #1 I’m mad that you disagree about wet Jacob. I don’t like when people disagree with me
      #2 I’m glad that you love Woodsie Allen

      So we’re even. I’m back to being indifferent about you

      Just kidding:) We can be croody weizlen fans together. We can’t invite Team Seth though b/c she didn’t like Whatever Works. And it’s my fav movie of 2009. Even w/ the gay guy at the end.

      • TeamSeth

        I didn’t say I didn’t like it. I said, “Your fave movie of 2009 is actually Whatever Works?” I did like it, though the ex-husband being gay was too much of a satirical stretch for me. But how classic was that line, “And with that, they entered the gallery.”?
        I also know the girl who was the coordinator on it and cheered for her during the credits despite that she wasn’t with us. I looooove Woody Allen (in the Juno’s friend kind of way, except no fat math teacher). His dialogue is brilliant and hilarious (sort of like my love for Nancy Meyers), and I always love stories about cheating with AlfredMichael Caine. Wait, what?

        • ambushed by twilight

          HAHAHAHA “Alfred”!!!!!

  • Ang

    A lot of people have already said this, but I so missed the hallway scene that I had to say it too. When I think about my favorite moments in the book, that is right up there at the top! I also “fell in love with Edward” again in that book moment. It was so beautiful…combining Bella’s fear of the situation and Edward’s tenderness toward her as they walked. So sad we didn’t get to see that.

    • tuesdaymidnight

      Ditto. I can’t believe I missed that in my epic email of wordy fangirling.

      • Ang

        tuesday- I just read the epic e-mail! Will have to prepare an epic response!

        This really is the one thing that would have made the movie perfect for me. Although, I don’t know if it could possibly have been as good as it is in my mind when reading. So, maybe it’s better it wasn’t there. It could have been like the hospital scene in Twilight – ruined for me!

      • TeamSeth

        Which you never sent me by the way. Bitch.

        • tuesdaymidnight

          I DID send it to you… maybe I got the address wrong… will resend.

        • tuesdaymidnight

          Gmail addys aren’t caps sensitive, are they?

          • TeamSeth

            When did you send it?

          • tuesdaymidnight

            Last night. Has my real first name on it, entitled “Some New Moon Fangirling.” I can resend… if you take back calling me a bitch. ;)

          • TeamSeth

            I can’t take that back. It felt kind of good.
            I’m sure it’s there…well, it best be.

          • tuesdaymidnight

            Haha, quite all right, sometimes I am kind of a bitch… well, I prefer to think I’m a sarcastic know-it-all, but whatever.

        • Ang

          TS – You were on the e-mail I got! And the address is right.

  • usualnurse

    agree-we need a bella black as well. i do think bella is happier with jacob, but made for edward.

    Actually, now that i think about it, there does need to be just one bella….one for jacob. What we need are 10,000 robwards, one for each of us LTT/LTR’s.

  • http://www.twitter.com/_dharv HeyyyBrother

    My one big complaint about New Moon is that we (or at least I) don’t “fall in love” with Edward again at the end. The movie is lacking not only that tension-filled walk through the castle in Volterra, but the awkward plane ride home. I feel like the movie is one big “ZOMG JACOB’S SO HOT AND SWEET!” that just ends with Bella saying “it’s always been Edward.” Dude, JUSTIFY it. Make us fall in love again.

    Ok, rant done.

    • toooldforthis

      Thank you for that! I’m sick of hearing, “It was made for the fans and the fans should know about Edward and Bella’s love.” Yes, I do feel their love in the books. Make me feel it onscreen.

    • tuesdaymidnight

      Yes, yes and yes.

      • StotheP

        And yes and yes and yes from me.

        • TeamSeth

          Are you guys referencing some leaked tent scene footage?

    • Kmountainlion

      Brilliant comment, HeyyyBrother! Thanks for saying what I was thinking and didn’t have time to write because I’m suppose to be working…

      p.s. I sure hope David Slade (Eclipse director, right?) is reading our comments…*sigh*

      • Shleeeigh

        He seems pretty nternet savvy and to have a pretty good sense of humour/snarky outlook on life – perhaps he’s lurking? Hi David!!

  • Midnight_Cyn

    Granted I feel like I am close to death as the “pig” finally hit me and hit me hard…but UC…I nearly passed out reading your description THE HALLWAY…please ..please don’t do that again until I am well….I don’t think my heart could take it..and BTW you owe me a new thermometer!
    I HAVE TO READ THIS BOOK..

    UC..whatcha doin for the next eight mons…can you send a chapter a week with “your” take on it?”

    Ok back to dying now… :)

    • Ang

      MIdCyn – I’m so glad you are here! I was just about to post a “where are you message.”

      Seriously, that hallway chapter is so hot! If you don’t read anything else in New Moon, you need to read that part!

      • Midnight_Cyn

        Ang..been here everyday..way to sick to comment tho..but you all bring a smile to my face no matter how bad I am feeling, I have to try to read……so that I can die happy….:)

        (Plus hubs is not allowing computer use…so have to sneak on here when he goes to the parts store…lol)

        • Ang

          MidCyn – Hope you feel better soon. You are missed. Mwah!

          • Midnight_Cyn

            Miss you all tons… :)
            Most people go to the theater to catch a great movie…
            I go and catch the swine flu… :) wish I could say it was worth it….not…get ready for my “take” on New Moon when/if I am better.. :)
            BTW..”.watching” it every night after everyone goes to bed…
            @JodieO..you will be happy to know…I am so sick that I can hardly smoke… :( No I am not going to quit… luvs ya!

          • JodieO

            Oh no! Well that’s not how I wanted you to start smoking less! I’d rather not have you on death’s door. When we take you to Eclipse we’ll make sure to put you in a plastic bubble so you don’t catch avian SARS or whatever illness will be going around then!

            Miss you! Keep in touch just so we know you are still kicking!

          • Ang

            heehee – MidCyn starring in her own movie – The Girl in the Plastic Bubble.

    • StotheP

      HEYYYYY, we were ALL just wondering about you! We were all atwitter with worry . . . hope you feel better soon!

      • Midnight_Cyn

        Luvs you StotheP..didn’t mean to make anyone worry….sorry…just been really sick…they don’t tell you this flu is the WORST thing ever….is there a Dr. Cullen in the house??? …of course Eddie can drop by and offer any kind of comfort he wants…I’m just sayin…

        • StotheP

          No worries, friend, just glad you poked your head in long enough to reassure us. We are patiently waiting for you take on NM and if you need any tips for the post-it notes then just start with “Jacob is hawt and wet.” Now I have to go wash my hands after typing that. I am unclean . . . ;)

          Paging Dr. Cullen, we need a specialist . . .

          • absolutelyvlc

            StothePizzo for shame!!! How could you???

          • StotheP

            I have to say one pro-furball thing a day. My anger management coach says it makes me tolerant of things that don’t sparkle.

          • Ang

            StotheP – Screw the anger management coach! Why be tolerant of things that don’t sparkle? I don’t understand. Er, maybe I need to see that coach myself.

    • TeamSeth

      @midcyn, missed you tons. Guess you know about my new “obsession” as Fang calls it.

      So so so sorry the swine came to visit you.

      • Midnight_Cyn

        No TS..do tell…inquiring minds must know!!! :)

    • southernbelle

      Oh no you too! We had it too! It was no fun. Feel better. I emailed you a week ago I think. Did you get it?

      Have some chicken soup and cling to the rob blankie! Get some rest. :-)

  • Itsallhappenning

    Dear UC, I love this post – I love that I can come here and read the in depth review of New Moon – I love that it matters to you and everyone that reads this blog..TRUTH.
    But MOST of all, no lie, I woke up this morning singing These are my Confessions. And I went to bed like I do most nights composing a letter I will never write to Twilight..
    It’s weird I know.

    Thank you – can’t wait to watch the kissing scene with my eyes closed!

    Ps…super happy that someone busted Jacob for “Loca”

    • meznok

      I’m chalking the “loca” thing up to being equal with “spider monkey” in my book. Yes, 2nd hand embarrassing but coming out the mouths of two extremely good looking men?………………..all is forgiven!

      • Itsallhappenning

        Yes – agreed .
        I bet he had a list of choices like ” Hey gorgeous” or “What’s up girlfriend” and then just improved “Loca” and CW went with it cause he wanted the kids to have one spontaneous Cathy moment.

        The hug he gave Bella was so genuine that I forgave him the instant those biceps wrapped around that tiny twig of a girl.

  • avoidinglaundry

    I love this post. You guys just make this a nice place to visit. A breath of fresh air in an often crazy day.

    • http://letterstotwilight.wordpress.com unintendedchoice

      Hugs!

    • lapushbaby

      I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE your screen name. That could be my middle name!

  • Kristin

    I agree with everything you said..especially THE HALLWAY! THANK YOU! I wanted to see that too!!! gah. All in all, movie was “good”…not great…but still somehow a few levels above twilight.

  • sassysmart

    I have only seen the movie once. I don’t remember a ton of it (thanks Firefly) but I have to agree with you UC (of course, cause I know what’s good for me).

    I do have one question…what does Jacob say to Bella right when he is going in for the kiss?

    • superhumanmoron

      I’ve been dying to know that too! It’s something in Quileute.

      • Pinky

        I thought it was ‘Stay with me, Forever’

        • http://letterstotwilight.wordpress.com unintendedchoice

          do you know Quileute?

          • Pinky

            I’m from Baltimore…I barely know English. But that’s what’s floating around in cyberspace.

    • TeamSeth

      @sassy, this was discussed in yesterday’s comment (first page of comments)

      • absolutelyvlc

        was there any conclusions TS?

        • TeamSeth

          Obv! I already knew that it means, “I’ll make out with you, but my heart belongs to IllegalWolfLover.” but Taylor and C-Dubs had asked me not to tell anyone. But then I realized that I didn’t sign a contract and they don’t talk to me anymore anyway. So much for remembering the little people.

  • superhumanmoron

    Can I be Twi-dork of the day? It does mention somewhere in one of the books that Jacob has taken Spanish in school. Not that he ever speaks it, but whatevs.

    • http://letterstotwilight.wordpress.com unintendedchoice

      twi dork of the day!

      Del Dia!

      • superhumanmoron

        My life is now complete!

    • kitkat

      Competing twi-dork here- I think Bella says that she hopes (that would be italics, if I knew how) that Jake took spanish in high school when she wants to send him and Renesmee to South America.

      • superhumanmoron

        No! Don’t take my glory away!!!! (But you may be right!)

  • Pinky

    Loved your confessions, UC.

    I also was not bothered by Jacob’s wig and thought it looked pretty luscious when he was riding the motorcycle and it was blowing in the wind. But rainy day Jacob was yummy…baby nipples and all.

  • http://www.optimisticandindenial.blogspot.com Meg O

    I would categorize your feelings of Team Edward but still liking Bella with Jacob best as being “Team Edward but you respect Team Jacob.”

    I have taken this stance. I feel pretty much the same way you do. Edward was made for her, but you like happy Bella with Jacob best so you understand where the Team Jacob people are coming from (and you’re still not enough undecided to be Team Switzerland).

    I think that’s the best way to explain things =)

  • kristen’s bestie

    I am for reelz going to have to stop reading this at work. I go from laughing to wanting to have an orgasm every day. You’re killing me. It’s too much. Quit talking about Jacob’s abs and his shirtlessness. Quit talking about Edward’s moans and grunts and ALL YOUR FANTASIES. Quit putting these ideas in my head.

    And I have to keep explaining what I’m laughing at. The people around me think I’m nuts and not just because they don’t get my Rob obsession.

    You know I don’t really mean this right? The truth is I love reading LTT/LTR (duh!) and I love reading the comments (fantasies included) even more.

    Oh – and I agree – Bella IS a bitch.

    • StotheP

      I have to stifle the laughter to hide my light under a bushel. I’m sure my coworker thinks I AM having an orgasm on the other side of the wall . . .

      • TeamSeth

        under a bushel? NO! I’m gonna let it shine!

        • lapushbaby

          bushel of what?

        • superhumanmoron

          Don’t let Satan….it out.

    • operarose

      I totally feel the same. LTT is like a drug to me. I should just say no (so I could get some actual work done) but I keep going back for the shirtless pictures, fantasies, and clever quips.

      I don’t think i could have stayed at my job this long without a generous dose of LTT/LTR, it definitely helps me get through the day!

    • kristen’s bestie

      It would definately make the days longer if there were no LTT/LTR or god forbid no ROB. No thanks – I’ll take the second hand embarrassment instead.

      At least they have the courtesy to ask me what I’m laughing about instead of asking “What are those noises you are making?” “Do you need me to call 911?” “Can I get you a kleenex?” “a bucket of ice cold water?”

  • operarose

    “I never fantasized that one night I might be wearing gray and next night be snuggled up in blue-gray. Never. ”

    Well, my morning was being all crappy until I read this line… *sigh*…with that happy thought I think I can get through the rest of the day.

  • kristen’s bestie

    It would definately make the days longer if there were no LTT/LTR or god forbid no ROB. No thanks – I’ll take the second hand embarrassment instead.

    At least they have the courtesy to ask me what I’m laughing about instead of asking “What are those noises you are making?” “Do you need me to call 911?” “Can I get you a kleenex?” “a bucket of ice cold water?”

  • Lumedog7

    Hey everyone – okay, let’s go through this:

    Rob: I’m going to agree with UC on this one; he looked delicious in the parking lot scene and OME when Bella dreampt of him and he walked into the meadow I bit my tongue to keep from screaming – hawt! Even in that damned waistcoat – WTF?! And I do think he looked hot and devastated (a tough look to pull off) in Italy. Other than that, I think the grandpa duds really sank his battleship.
    The Kiss: I don’t know about you all, but aside from Robward’s sex noises in that first kiss, I thought the reunion kiss was the BEST. Seriously – it set my thighs aflame. Literally, people, I got a Rob-induced hot flash, and had to fan myself with my Twizzlers. It was raw, frantic and REAL. And it got me really hot. For my own sparkly, undead vampire BF. Damn it.
    Jacob: Gotta say, he grew up good in this movie. Loved the wig so much more this time, and was equally happy with the short hair. All around, he brought it.
    In fact, I’m going to see it again this weekend so I can make note of things I keep missing – loca, wolfie tear, pictures missing from Bella’s bedroom wall…was I even PAYING attention to anything the first time!?
    (Yes, sorry – I’ve only been able to see it once. Shame on me.)
    I can’t friggin wait for Eclipse!
    Love you guys!

  • Kelly

    I have to admit that I was truly impressed with Taylor… I felt like he really was broken hearted over not being good enough, not the one she would choose.

    He portrayed the “guy-who-loves-the-leading-lady-but-can’t-have-her-cause-she’s-hooked-on-the-death warmed-over-insainly-hot-and-perfect-if-not-a-bit-overbearing-vampire-who-also-happens-to-be-my-natural-enemy-in-my-wolf-form” part perfectly.

    Way to go Taylor.. you are still too young and innocent for me.. you are rock solid dude.. and I’m not just talking about your abs ;)

  • 8packofswiftner

    Loved this so much, you guys are hilarious.

    A small news tidbit about Taylor Lautner…he and Taylor Swift are shooting more footage today at Santa Monica High School in California for Valentines Day. Part of it will be used in a commercial for the movie, and part of it is said to be in Taylor’s music video for the song she has for the movie. So expect a lot more Swiftner pics to show up in the next day or two. Also Taylor has straightened her hair, so she has a new look. Will be interesting to see if she keeps it.

  • Julie S.

    I totally agree with you about the hallway scene. I also thought the reunion scene was too rushed. Like, seriously, the movie devotes as much time (minutes-wise) to the “bella deciding to get on the bike with the david slade look alike” as it does to this reunion. And I LOVED how Rob-as-Edward said “Heaven” But then they start yelling at each other and you totally lose the fact that he thought he was dead and in heaven. At what moment does he realize he’s not dead?? The movie doesn’t really show that realization.

    • lapushbaby

      You are so right, and every time I see it, I expect him to say “Carlisle was right” right off the bat because that seems like a really great line to clear that up!!!!

    • tuesdaymidnight

      Exactly. I have the same issue. The conversation Edward and Bella have at the end of the book about his soul, when Bella calls him out, I thought was way too important to leave out of the movie… alas.

  • beakerj

    I love coming here every day. I feel like I’ve stumbled into a fantastic sleepover wearing cool pjs, & in on the in-jokes. I also feel like it’s 1am & we ate our bodyweight in sugar…

    I’ve only seen NM once so far, with my effing husband(love him tho) looking at his watch every 10 mins. I LOVED the wig….it maybe because I had a Twilight intense doomed love with a long haired biker who looked unbelievable in leather trousers when I was young & impressionable….but the biker thing has always done it for me. It made Taylor look older which is good as I work with teenagers & have been considering turning myself in to the authorities, i.e. my Boss. However, after visiting this site I realise I am practically a paragon of clean thinking!

    So, more wig please…

    • TeamSeth

      I’ve stumbled into a fantastic sleepover wearing cool pjs, & in on the in-jokes. I also feel like it’s 1am & we ate our bodyweight in sugar…

      Well yeah, you have. You coming to the La Push bonfire this Saturday?

      • beakerj

        Of course. I’ll bring marshmallows for the fire.

  • Ashley

    I just want to say that I love this site and ya’ll make me laugh everyday with all your crazy obsessive comments =)

  • http://ichooseme.wordpress.com brookelockart

    I enjoyed soaking wet taycob…thought it was HOT. however I hate when he says, “good kid” he sounds CREEPY.

    The fade to black was the best part of last night.

    Oh and 6 times bitches! (though part of 5 probably doesn’t count because I fell asleep – turkey overload)

    • operarose

      Hm, glad you brought this up. I forgot about that “good kid” line both times after seeing the movie (so not a huge deal), but both times when seeing the movie, when he says it it definitely startled me. It’s creepy and odd… his voice sounds strange, like it was dubbed over or something?

  • http://www.kimberpic.blogspot.com/ Kim

    The first time I saw the movie the bright vampire eyes distracted me and I hated them. The third time I saw it I didn’t even notice them, but I do still wish they weren’t as bright. It’s like Alice is shooting lasers at me with her bug eyes. (Sorry Alice, I still love you).

    I also don’t really like the way the wolfpack walks. It doesn’t really look natural. Maybe it’s just me, but they seem like they are almost buffed up penguins waddling across the field.

    I still love New Moon (Obviously, I saw it 3 times), but there are definitely things that bugged me (running through the woods dream sequence, blah). Overall it was one of the best book to movie adaptations I have seen. Love you C-dub.

  • Keisha

    New Moon the movie should be renamed “Edward Suits Up” (sorry, I love Barney on How I Met Your Mother)

    i HATE the peacoat! Thank you DILF for not making him wear it again! Maybe if it were black and not gray (and this from a girl whose favorite clothes color is gray! …and has a gray peacoat!)

    • Kmountainlion

      LOVE Barney, too.

  • Janetrigs

    Ask Brookie, I said I wasn’t a fan of the score either the 1st time I saw it! I think I pointed to a different part though…anyhow…I like your run down.

    PS Let’s DO THIS

    • Shleeeigh

      Put your gun down or I’m gonna blow your friggin head off!

  • TLG

    Team Peacoat!

    (and I too got carsick when Bella fell – that scene went on waaaay too long)

    • Keisha

      Are you supposed to feel like you’re circling the drain? ;)

  • sararules

    agreed – glad i’m not the only one who noticed that edward was dressed like a grandpa. I liked his clothes in Twilight much better, they were age appropriate at least.

    dually noted – the randiness in the kiss scene is apparent even without closing your eyes.

  • SarahG

    I love what everyone is saying and what UC and Moon both had to say in their reviews (or thoughts, or posts, or whatever). I saw NM again yesterday for only my 2nd time (I know…fail), but I was by myself this time because I went at 1:30 in the afternoon. I thoroughly enjoyed my semi-private viewing because I was able to lean forward, make faces, and cry without fear of someone pointing me out.
    I thought Taylor really brought it in this film. I know a lot of critics are hounding our favorite three for their “inability to act,” but I really thought Taylor was impressive (and his physique didn’t hurt either :). Kristen was better, but I think we have CW to thank for that because he didn’t just let her “go with it” in any scene. Just think how much she could have ruined the end of the movie if she would have stuttered or said something stupid after Edward proposed?! Thank you for leaving us wanting more CW! The “moaning kiss” was just as hot at 1:30pm as it was at midnight the first time I saw it. It perfectly shows the intense passion and desire and need for self control by Edward in their relationship. I’m getting hot just thinking about it right now! :) I also must agree that parts of Edward’s wardrobe killed it for him in this movie. The pea coat may have “sucked” but the longer coat made him look much older and it was just ridiculous. I do have to disagree about him looking terrible in the end. Think about everything he went through; leaving Bella, thinking she was dead, etc. Wouldn’t you look like hell if the you had to leave the one you loved and THEN thought they had died? I know I would.
    Can we also give some love to Dakota and Michael Sheen? I know they both had very few lines, but come on! They were deliciously wicked and badass and I LOVED them. Dakota as Jane was the best casting decision ever. Period. The End. And while I was skeptical about Kate Beckinsale’s ex, Michael Sheen was creepy and interesting and wonderful as Aro. I just feel like they need some love on this blog too.
    Also, big kudos to CW for making Rachelle look extra scary as Victoria. I’m SO glad they gave her flaming red hair like Stephanie had originally written! I was scared for Bella when she came swimming toward her in the ocean. Yikes!
    Thanks Moon and UC for your honest thoughts on this movie!

    • The Old One

      I just saw it for the first time today, at 1:30 in the afternoon too (five people in the theater, including me–what does THAT mean?). You said all the things I thought too, especially loved Michael Sheen and Dakota Fanning. Except I didn’t get the intense love we’re supposed to feel between Edward and Bella. We just know about it from the book, but if you had never read the book you wouldn’t get it.
      I was surprised at how good Taylor was–he’s so wooden in interviews, and funny how Rob is so hot and fun in interviews and so dead in the movie.

      • The Old One

        Also have to mention, why couldn’t Rob have let his British accent out and totally rock the Shakespeare when he has to recite the bit from Romeo and Juliet in class? He just acts annoyed, when he could have been so very very hot.

  • tuesdaymidnight

    I just need to add that I think it’s hilarious that “premature ejaculation” is one of the tags on this post.

    • Ang

      I noticed that too. I’ve almost clicked on it many times today by accident when clicking on the comments link. So I’ve seen it all day!

  • Faith

    I agree about the rain thing. I, for one, do NOT find Taylor attractive. I just don’t. Rob on the other hand…. :D :D :D. I really loved this movie. I haven’t heard the whole score, but the “Meadow” piano piece is beautifullll. I know its played in Volterra, and it just sounds so beautiful there, so I’ll have to disagree with you. I didn’t mind the stitching part. I’m a big House fan, so I can deal with medical procedures and surgeries and stuff. I thought that part was really cool; it was very realistic.

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