I’m gonna BING Summit and tell them to stop product placement

Yep! This is Letters to Twilight, you’re not going crazy. Look different? It better. It only took us a year and 3 months to make this happen (literally) More about that after today’s letter!

Dear Twilight,

I recently had a conversation with 2 friends of mine and we came up with some really good ideas that we thought we’d throw out to you in case something falls through with your contract with Fancy Feast Cat Food (“Cause Edward wouldn’t eat a skinny cat”) or Depends Undergarments (“Cause after 108 years, sometimes you need something to depend on) Can you tell I’m in advertising?

BING Twilight

Click- cause the top result is brilliant

EastFriend: Dude– did you see on Gossip Girl last night that Jenny “BINGed” cancer. I almost threw up. Freakin’ Vamp Diaries had a BING moment 2 weeks ago, too. The CW as a whole must be selling out.

Wonder if Summit & the CW are in bed together? Both suck limp peen.

UC: if someone BINGs something in Twilight…. like Bella Bings “how to bang a vampire” I will CUT A BITCH.  You GOOGLE THAT SHIT Bella! BING is for dads & grandpas. Tell Edward he doesn’t know what’s cool on the interwebs- he’s too old.

Too_Far_Gone: PS that should totally be a blog post in my mind – what people should NOT do in eclipse + product placement & how much summit sucks limp peen

UC: hold on… I’m gonna go BING what date exactly Eclipse Burger King hamburger wrappers come out and when exactly I can expect to see Edward’s face on my birth control pack

Too_Far_Gone: Yes- go BING all the merch that they are not putting out that they should be branding with Edward’s face. How about:

  • gold wrought-iron beds
  • pillows with extra feather stuffing
  • headboards designed to break down the middle at the slightest touch

EastFriend: I just want Twilight tampons. Blue ones, since Edward’s partial to that color. “Freesia-scented & guaranteed not to leak. ‘Cause our lives depend upon it.”

And don’t think some lame-ass teeny bopper hasn’t tried to invent bruise tattoos. You know…for authenticity’s sake. Ew.

UC: We should really get Bed Bath & Beyond to make a whole Twilight line. Of course there would be a purple line. And then gold brocade fabrics- drapes and a curtain to surround a four poster deep mahogany bed. Perhaps Gap could make a sleeveless button up shirt…And pair it with this season’s jorts on the mannequin next to a sign saying “Now you can have them both- Jacob on the bottom, Edward up top.”  We’re on to something here!

EastFriend: OMS–bed bath & beyond–The Twilight Linen Collection!! Brilliant! There would be, of course, the Isle Esme Collection & the Cottage Collection, which brides-to-be & cougars could purchase. And Too_Far_Gone’s idea of the gold shiz from Edward’s room…for the single ladies.

And then we must have the requisite wolfpack offering, complete with earth-toned sheets, denim duvets, & quilts with pine needles embroidered on them.

And then the Carlisle Collection–for those with higher standards & impeccable taste- 1000 thread count sheets, cashmere throws, silk pillows. (Just what the doctor ordered)

And I’m not sure how to package the Emmett & Rosalie collection- but I think Frederick’s of Hollywood could figure out how. ‘Member in Breaking Dawn when Edward tells Bella how difficult it was to be around those two when they were first together? I always took this to mean that Emmett & Rosalie were freaks on a leash. I’m talking vinyl sheets, baby oil, & a Cullen Crest-emblazoned Liberator, with optional wrist restraints & blindfold.

Now I can be embarrassed to PAY for the embarrassing crap I'm buying!

UC: Gosh.. it’s so expensive to keep my Twilight collection up to date with all the Burger King parifinalia, action figures from Toys R’ Us, books Stephenie keeps writing, Edward Cullen vibrators & Cullen Crested Liberators, plus gold brocade bedding & jorts & wolf tails and pencils and papers and notebooks & trapper keepers not to mention replicas of Bella’s 90s-era Seattle grunge-wear!!!! I’m going broke! Good thing I got one of these pre-paid bad boys for my birthday from Moon!

This sarcastic conversation brought to you by 3 sarcastic girls, kinda annoyed that our TV shows, book series & movies we love are being hijacked by promotions for water that’s not even that good, really bad fast food, PRE-PAID credit cards, children’s toys in Happy Meals and whatever they come up with next. And it also serves as proof that I came up with the idea, therefore I should get a commission, when BING cuts a deal with Summit. Cause you KNOW thats about to happen…

Gotta go take my Reneseme prenatal vitamins,
UnintenededChoice

What would make an awesome aka awful Twilight promotional product?

After the jump, hear all about our NEW site & enter to win something to celebrate!!!

Business Time: Moon & I are so excited that our new site design is finally up & running. We’re also no longer hosted by wordpress.com, so make sure to change your RSS feeds to letterstotwilight.com/feed and your bookmarks to letterstotwilight.com. As of today letterstotwilight.wordpress.com is no longer going to be updated! We have some of our old posts on this new site, and will slowly bring them all over. Oh- go check out LTR because she got a facelift too! FYI- your first few comments on the new site will probably be thrown into the “moderation” queue until we approve them. After that you shouldn’t be moderated anymore! Don’t freak!

Because this is a pretty big move, we’re 100% sure we will have issues. There will be problems. There is stuff that won’t work. We will break stuff. So, if something seems majorly wrong- please let us know! We’ll figure it out eventually.

Shop LTT_LTRIn the meantime, let’s give something away!!! All week long we’re going to be giving away a chance to win a t-shirt of your choice from our LTT_LTR store! All you have to do is leave a comment. You can comment multiple times or just once or once every day all week- whatever. We’ll pick the winner between here and LTR later this week! Hop over to our store & pick out what design you hope to win!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store
  • Lovintherain

    Love the new site! I have to admit, I was quickly scanning the site and the new layout, and I saw the Liberator ad and did not realize it was fake and part of your blog. I thought…wow….what a choice in advertisers for the new site. Even after reading “because doing it on the bed is only how Edward does it” it took me a few seconds to clue in. Then I laughed loudly.
    Great new layout….same great writing!

    • lilmisscan’tbewrong

      Me too! I thought, wow, if my husband didn’t already give me a hard time (twss) for reading this, wait til he sees the new ads!

      • Lovintherain

        My husband might actually check the site out if he saw the ad…

  • Therese

    Hey ladies
    just thought I would let you know, I just went to google “edward cullen vibrator” simply because I wondered what said vibrator would actually look like, if it existed…

    anyway as I typed into google and the suggestions started to come up, I typed “edward cu..” and the suggestion came up “edward cullen is so beautiful I just creamed myself”
    I stopped looking.. it seemed fitting.
    LOL

  • 3hboyshouse

    So I am hosting a Twilight Bunco party on Friday and I ;am have the darndest time finding Twilight products! I would love to have a Cullen Crest Liberator for my party, but I just can’t find one! I guess I will just have to go with apples in bowls and red ribbons for decoration. Bummer!

    Love the new site ladies!

  • http://twitter.com/MsYuppieScum DontQuestionMe

    Every time I hear about BING, I thing about 2 things:
    1) Chandler
    2) That time Ryan Seacrest interviewed Rob in a BING-sponsored soundbooth at the New Moon red carpet and Rob didn’t know what it was

    Congrats on your new site! I’ve been working on something myself and I know how tough it can be at times.

  • Wickedbliss

    So the new site is pretty awsome and will be looking foward to getting my very own Edward birth control cover!

  • chryredlipstik

    This looks wicked good ;) but Rob in yellow shades up top? Not so much, haha…. he looks good but those shades dont do him any justice… save them for Jacksper… ;)

    *muahzzz*

  • http://thebookishtype.blogspot.com/ The Bookish Type

    Congrats on the new site, ladies! It looks great! And this post was as hilarious as ever! I noticed the product placement on Vampire Diaries too, and wanted to gouge my eyes out. I’m rather fond of the breakable headboard idea, though…hehehe

  • eatmyjorts

    Hey! Me & the DJ are part way through a letter to Twilight about this very subject! How dare you pre-funny us?

    Oh, & *stern face*, why isn’t a certain eye-friendly young wolf in the banner at the top….a leettle bit Team Edward are we? Boooooooooooooooooo

    Oh, & in that clip from Eclipse at the MTV awards, I spotted Taycob doing some actual acting. I felt his pain & everything (twss).

    • DJTanner&theFullHouse

      I know! The absence of Taylor was the first thing I noticed, too! Haha we are so critical! Or we just know what’s good….

    • DJTanner&theFullHouse

      And I agree with you (of course) about the acting thing – I seriously about died when he grins on that motorcycle as Bella hops on. Oh Taycob, you will be the death of me…

    • http://letterstotwilight.com unintendedchoice

      send it anyway! I’m sure you have GREAT ideas for much needed eclipse products!

  • http://www.twitter.com/moonjenn Moonjenn

    Ooh! Pretty site!! Love the new banner too!

    B&BW has (or had) a scent called Twilight Woods. It’s yummy. Kinda vanilla-y & “inspired by a romantic walk in enchanted woods.” Mom thought it was actual Twilight stuff and gave it to me for Christmas.

    I told Mom just last week that Bing is for old people. I’ve used it on her PC and I hate it. However, from this point forward I will forever associate Bing with (besides Chandler, of course) Ed in his grandpa jacket. Thanks, Ladies! I cracked up. An A+ post to christen the new home!

  • Minutes

    Love the new site!

    And the Bing thing bothers me so much. “Let’s Bing it!” Um, no.

  • originally_au

    I nearly died laughing when I read the “Now I can be embarrassed to PAY for the embarrassing crap I’m buying!” caption for the Eclipse credit card.

    The first thing I thought when I saw those a couple weeks ago was, “Wow, people are nuts….um, I kinda want one.” Then quickly realized I would be too embarassed to use it (or buy it). I briefly thought I could get away with using it at the theatres at the midnight Eclipse showing. I figured it could be like the “Team Edward” shirt that I’ve only been brave enough to wear outside of the house once and that was to the New Moon midnight showing where I knew I would just blend in. (It was very liberating.)

    • http://www.twitter.com/hippietrixi hippietrixi

      Maybe that is a good thing using the Twilight credit card will deter you from spending money. Although, now you would be forced to do all of your shopping online, which could be a bad thing.

  • CalientePocket

    Hey girls! Love the new look!

  • http://isuckatbloggingbuticanbite.blogspot.com/ Janetrigs

    Testing Theory:

    I love the Brookie and her BB even though it won’t work for her on here.

    I love my Droid.

    I love the new site even though it will now prove difficult to L2A….oh wells.

    19 more days!!

    • http://isuckatbloggingbuticanbite.blogspot.com/ Janetrigs

      NOPE, no thumbs down. :)

      How about this: Ron Ron Ron, I like to say Ron…

  • snowwhitedrifted

    The new site looks great!
    Confession, I’m a BING’er. I know Iknow, but I like the pictures… and I’m old.

  • cedvanhalen

    Love the new site! Lookin niiiiiiiice.

    I refuse to get on the Bing train. I’ll just stick with my trusty Google, thanks.
    Also, I am totally secondhand embarrassed for anyone having a Twilight credit card. There is no way in hale I would flash that while making purchases.

    • operarose

      I was thinking I sort of wished I had one…it would prevent me from buying so much because I’d be too embarrassed to show it. I mean, I’d really, really have to think about my purchases then! That could cure my tendency to impulse shop.

      • cedvanhalen

        This is so true. I would probably spend way less money.

  • operarose

    I just got back from the grocery store. Bought some Shake n’ Bake “Harry’s Fish Fry” flavor, Bella’s spaghetti and sauce kit by Ragu, and pre-made “Port Angeles Mushroom Ravioli.” I also picked up the latest line from Cover Girl, “Volturi,” which features black eyeshadow, sparkly lip gloss, and pale, sparkly foundation.

    Honestly the Twilight craze is even worse than Harry Potter, when all we had to worry about were Bertie’s Every Flavour Jellybeans. Those were more innocent times.

    On a side note congrats on the new site, I’m likin’ it! Bella would approve…if there was more purple.

    • operarose

      P.S. also LOL’d at your “Bing is for dads and grandfathers” comment – SO true – the only people I know who use Bing are, yes, my dad and grandpa.

  • DJTanner&theFullHouse

    This new site looks as good as PFach at the MTV movie awards last night! And that’s saying something!

    • http://letterstotwilight.com unintendedchoice

      But does it look as good as DJ Tanner at the prom? That was our goal….

      • DJTanner&theFullHouse

        That’s a lofty freaking goal – best to strive for more realistic achievements!

  • swansong

    Woo! Hey, BING equals Cha-Ching, and Summit is all over that like grease on fries.

  • TeamSeth

    I wish we had Lougle instead of Bing :)

  • TeamSeth

    I just realized there’s no PFach in the header pic. :’(

    • http://letterstotwilight.com unintendedchoice

      fail. FAIL. Moon’s fault. Let’s blame Summit though

      • TeamSeth

        I’m blaming Nikki Reed, too.

  • lilmisscan’tbewrong

    Why has no one come out with Twilight-themed wine yet? Cuz, ya know, sometimes Vitamin R just ain’t fancy enough!

  • Twistedlarissa

    I love the new look ..

  • http://www.noordinarygurl.com Corie

    I love it! The new site is badass! this is awesome…. LTT/LTR slight *fangirl* moment!!!

  • Chelsea

    Yay! Congrats ladies! I know you’ve been working on the move for a long time, and it looks great! Miss your faces & Can’t wait for the next few weeks to go by!

  • http://adriennetrafford.blogspot.com adrienne

    the prepaid card is just completely over the top. wait…is that for real? (and where can i get one) jk

    ps. – this place looks great!

  • Midnight_Cyn

    OK I HOPE I AM DOING THIS RIGHT! THANKS UC <3 YOU AND JODIE..(U ALL KNOW I DON'T DO WELL WITH CHANGE) BUT I HAVE 3 DAYS TO SPEND WITH YOU, MY BFF'S AND I DON'T WANNA CLOSE MY EYES, DONT WANNA FALL ASLEEP…OH SORRY , WRONG MOVIE AND WRONG SONG ..SEE HOW CHANGE CONFUSES ME..ANYWAY WANT TO BE HERE WITH U ALL AS MUCH AS I CAN!!
    NOW I HOPE I CAN FIGURE OUT HOW TO SAVE THIS PAGE SO I CAN FIND MY WAY BACK HOME..I MEAN HERE.. ;)

  • TeamJacobEdward

    Am I the only one who (on an android phone) doesn’t see the little “bug” avi, only the pics of those who have put in a specific one/have an account?

    Also on mobile there isn’t a reply option on a persons comment, nor does it show if someones coment was a reply to another persons coment. I’m sooo confused

    :(

    • Luludee

      Not just you. I checked the site on my phone too and it looked like that, which is also how it looked for me on the computer initially.

    • http://letterstotwilight.com unintendedchoice

      yeah…. i don’t have an option to turn on reply in the mobile view. but if you scroll to the bottom you can turn off mobile view if you want

  • grace

    I want a tshirt!

  • Luludee

    Haven’t poked around the site just yet, but it looks interesting. Not going to lie, I’m missing the old one a little, but that’s mostly because I liked my little drunk/vommitting bush thing that was my randomly generated avatar.

    Maybe it’s just my computer, or I clicked in the wrong spot or something, but I am not seeing an option to reply directly to other people’s comments. And as I am reading said comments, they are all in a straight thread.

    Now to avoid work and explore!

    • Luludee

      Ok, ignore what I said. After my comment and the page refresh, everything appeared as it should, including my avatar, yay!

  • Midnight_Cyn

    DID ANYONE CATCH THE NEW SERIES “TWILIGHT WEEKLY ” THAT IS AIRING ON DIRECT TV ON THE REELZ CHANNEL?? TAPED IT YESTERDAY (HAVEN’T WATCHED YET) BUT UPCOMING FEATURES ARE GOING TO BE: TWICON , DIGITAL TWILIFE (SPOTLIGHTING LEADING WEBSITES..LTT??), MUSICAL TWILIFE (YES 100 MONKEYS WILL BE ON) PETER FACINELLI JUST TO NAME A FEW!!
    I THOUGHT I WOULD MENTION IT CAUSE I DON’T REALLY KNOW WHAT THE TOPIC IS ABOUT SO I THOUGHT I WOULD TRY AND BE INFORMATIVE! PLUS I JUST WANNA COMMENT AS MUCH AS I CAN…(COULD ALWAYS USE A NEW TEE) ONLY KIDDING NOT REALLY… :)

  • Kaet

    I had an idea for a Team Jacob/Duran Duran lunchbox with the words “Cos I’m Hungry Like The Wolf” on it, kept me and hubby amused for – ooh – minutes. But on reflection we thought it’s so damn cheesy someone’s probably already made them!

    • Kaet

      Oh and love the new-look site… meant to put that in my comment above and forgot!

  • Luludee

    OME, I just read the PRESS page and loved it!! The fact that you included some hater comments is priceless and soo true to form!!

    Now loving the new site!!

  • Midnight_Cyn

    OMELE..SO SORRY :( ..I FORGOT TO SAY CONGRATULATIONS UC/MOON ON THE NEW SITE!! YOU MAKE YOUR FAKE MAMMA SO PROUD!! I CAN ONLY IMAGINE HOW HARD IT WAS (TWSS) TO GET SOMETHING LIKE THIS SET UP! ITS AWESOME!! (ONLY WISH THE PRINT WAS A LITTLE DARKER FOR US HALF BLIND OLD ONES) OTHERWISE SO COOL…AGAIN…CONGRATULATIONS ON ALL YOUR HARD WORK AND THE EFFORT YOU PUT IN (OK TEMPTED TO SAY TWSS BUT I WON’T) FOR ALL OF US!!! PLEASE KNOW WE BOW IN YOUR HONOR! <3

  • dazzledtodeath

    omg-my husband and I were cracking up over the sex chair the other day-I’m def buying it if it has the Cullen crest.

  • minderelly

    Love the new site!

    Mr. Minderelly officially thinks I’m crazy because of my snorting at the computer over todays post. Particularly Twilight Tampons. I know that we’ve talked about them before, but something just got to me today. Thanks for the laughs!

  • http://danisu21.wordpress.com danisu

    LOVE the new look! fabulous.

    i was trying to think of some product placements, but twi is on pretty much everything. i just took a 4 year old to the movies, and edward was staring at my from my popcorn bag. maybe they can make twilight moving boxes. you know, because nothing is safe unless it’s being carried by vamps.

  • Luludee

    UC & Moon

    I noticed that on both FAQ pages, some of the vocab does not appear bold or red. Just FYI :)

    • http://letterstotwilight.com unintendedchoice

      thanks! will fix

  • krazykidd

    Congrats girls looking great! :)

  • FacePunch

    Hey, I like the new site layout! Stephenie Meyer would approve. ;)

    I SO wanna buy a pair of jorts with the wolf pack credit card….

  • http://www.kelsiepattinson.wordpress.com KelsiePattinson

    Gahh–soo sad. All of those precious memories from the wordpress site gone! Ohhhh welllll, at least LTR and LTT sites are still up n running :@) yesssssss.

  • Shameless_Hussy

    Love the new look! I have loved your site since I discovered it all of two months ago when I became sucked into the abyss that is Twilight. I read all four of the books in a weekend and have Twilight as many times as I have wished for Jelly Belly to come out with a cheddar-bacon potato flavored jelly bean! Still waiting…(sigh). Anyhoo, thank you for giving me a thirty-something the opportunity to be repulsed and revel at the same time. I have discovered that many of the things I do are so normal in here that the outside world just wouldn’t begin to understand. Thank you girls for being friends in my head. BTW: Just for curiosity’s sake, am I the only black/African-American/multicultural/ethnic/whatever they’re calling us these days reader you guys have? I’m sure I’m not, but just wondering

    • http://letterstotwilight.com unintendedchoice

      No- definitely not. I can’t think of ANY off the top of my head besides one of our original readers- Aja aka Mrs. P, but I know there are quite a few….!!! We’ve got a done of international (outside the US) readers too! We welcome EVERYONE (except @janetrigs -just kidding (not i’m not) yes I am!)

      • Shameless_Hussy

        Cool. BTW: Have you guys considered adding “…a pillow or two” to the merchandise? I would LOVE to wear that on a tshirt

  • http://www.kelsiepattinson.wordpress.com KelsiePattinson

    OH! And btw–your site is amazing! The LTR one is just freaking out. It got all weird and black and red and white and I elt my heart stop for a few seconds as I thought you two re-re-designed the wordpress into the pretty scruffy Rob into… THAT!

    Good luck. Much love XOXO :@)

  • Steph

    Finally! Love the new site! Honestly, I was really getting sick of the old header.

    Hmm, product placement. No one mentioned the disaster of Bella drinking a glass of water while a case of NPL was right on the counter. Of course, someone I know really well *ahem* works for Nestle, so I wasn’t heartbroken to see the company funding my kid’s college also supports my serious love of Twilight. Whatcha gonna do?

  • unlikelyfangirl

    Love the new site. Love the product-placement rant. Love the LTT/LTR store. I’m looking forward to the day that “whole life insurance” randomly gets a shout out in an LTT post.

  • unlikelyfangirl

    Love the new site. Love the product-placement rant. Love the LTT/LTR store. I’m looking forward to the day that “whole life insurance” randomly gets a shout out in an LTT post.

  • Somebodyelse

    Love the new site! :D

    And this: “…like Bella Bings “how to bang a vampire” I will CUT A BITCH. You GOOGLE THAT SHIT Bella!”

    Ahahaha!

  • Stefanie

    Oh awesome! You girls are just full of surprises, and funny! Love the new site!

  • Bea

    And now we know why we didn’t see the flight home from Italy in New Moon: Coke wouldn’t fork over for Bella to drink their product in the scene, so they cut it.

  • Charmogold

    Love, Love, Love the site! I feel like I just stepped into a pair of Edwahkis, you can now find them at all major departments stores! Sandals resorts are now featuring a new honeymoon package for all twihard fans complete with two seperate liborators one to destroy and one to enjoy! *** The room package includes all the eggs and rancid chicken fried chicken you can eat, along with your own private beach with tree bench for clothing optional couples! Also in your welcome package you will recieve one SPF 600 bottle for the pasty-challanged people, and one Chicken coop-feather wig to get you in the mood.

    ***Sandals beach resort is not responsible for any damages done in the “Destroy it” room. All damages will be charged to your Twilight mastercard that is required at check in.

  • Luludee

    OK, everything looks good on the Droid now.

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