I’m gonna BING Summit and tell them to stop product placement

Yep! This is Letters to Twilight, you’re not going crazy. Look different? It better. It only took us a year and 3 months to make this happen (literally) More about that after today’s letter!

Dear Twilight,

I recently had a conversation with 2 friends of mine and we came up with some really good ideas that we thought we’d throw out to you in case something falls through with your contract with Fancy Feast Cat Food (“Cause Edward wouldn’t eat a skinny cat”) or Depends Undergarments (“Cause after 108 years, sometimes you need something to depend on) Can you tell I’m in advertising?

BING Twilight

Click- cause the top result is brilliant

EastFriend: Dude– did you see on Gossip Girl last night that Jenny “BINGed” cancer. I almost threw up. Freakin’ Vamp Diaries had a BING moment 2 weeks ago, too. The CW as a whole must be selling out.

Wonder if Summit & the CW are in bed together? Both suck limp peen.

UC: if someone BINGs something in Twilight…. like Bella Bings “how to bang a vampire” I will CUT A BITCH.  You GOOGLE THAT SHIT Bella! BING is for dads & grandpas. Tell Edward he doesn’t know what’s cool on the interwebs- he’s too old.

Too_Far_Gone: PS that should totally be a blog post in my mind – what people should NOT do in eclipse + product placement & how much summit sucks limp peen

UC: hold on… I’m gonna go BING what date exactly Eclipse Burger King hamburger wrappers come out and when exactly I can expect to see Edward’s face on my birth control pack

Too_Far_Gone: Yes- go BING all the merch that they are not putting out that they should be branding with Edward’s face. How about:

  • gold wrought-iron beds
  • pillows with extra feather stuffing
  • headboards designed to break down the middle at the slightest touch

EastFriend: I just want Twilight tampons. Blue ones, since Edward’s partial to that color. “Freesia-scented & guaranteed not to leak. ‘Cause our lives depend upon it.”

And don’t think some lame-ass teeny bopper hasn’t tried to invent bruise tattoos. You know…for authenticity’s sake. Ew.

UC: We should really get Bed Bath & Beyond to make a whole Twilight line. Of course there would be a purple line. And then gold brocade fabrics- drapes and a curtain to surround a four poster deep mahogany bed. Perhaps Gap could make a sleeveless button up shirt…And pair it with this season’s jorts on the mannequin next to a sign saying “Now you can have them both- Jacob on the bottom, Edward up top.”  We’re on to something here!

EastFriend: OMS–bed bath & beyond–The Twilight Linen Collection!! Brilliant! There would be, of course, the Isle Esme Collection & the Cottage Collection, which brides-to-be & cougars could purchase. And Too_Far_Gone’s idea of the gold shiz from Edward’s room…for the single ladies.

And then we must have the requisite wolfpack offering, complete with earth-toned sheets, denim duvets, & quilts with pine needles embroidered on them.

And then the Carlisle Collection–for those with higher standards & impeccable taste- 1000 thread count sheets, cashmere throws, silk pillows. (Just what the doctor ordered)

And I’m not sure how to package the Emmett & Rosalie collection- but I think Frederick’s of Hollywood could figure out how. ‘Member in Breaking Dawn when Edward tells Bella how difficult it was to be around those two when they were first together? I always took this to mean that Emmett & Rosalie were freaks on a leash. I’m talking vinyl sheets, baby oil, & a Cullen Crest-emblazoned Liberator, with optional wrist restraints & blindfold.

Now I can be embarrassed to PAY for the embarrassing crap I'm buying!

UC: Gosh.. it’s so expensive to keep my Twilight collection up to date with all the Burger King parifinalia, action figures from Toys R’ Us, books Stephenie keeps writing, Edward Cullen vibrators & Cullen Crested Liberators, plus gold brocade bedding & jorts & wolf tails and pencils and papers and notebooks & trapper keepers not to mention replicas of Bella’s 90s-era Seattle grunge-wear!!!! I’m going broke! Good thing I got one of these pre-paid bad boys for my birthday from Moon!

This sarcastic conversation brought to you by 3 sarcastic girls, kinda annoyed that our TV shows, book series & movies we love are being hijacked by promotions for water that’s not even that good, really bad fast food, PRE-PAID credit cards, children’s toys in Happy Meals and whatever they come up with next. And it also serves as proof that I came up with the idea, therefore I should get a commission, when BING cuts a deal with Summit. Cause you KNOW thats about to happen…

Gotta go take my Reneseme prenatal vitamins,
UnintenededChoice

What would make an awesome aka awful Twilight promotional product?

After the jump, hear all about our NEW site & enter to win something to celebrate!!!

Business Time: Moon & I are so excited that our new site design is finally up & running. We’re also no longer hosted by wordpress.com, so make sure to change your RSS feeds to letterstotwilight.com/feed and your bookmarks to letterstotwilight.com. As of today letterstotwilight.wordpress.com is no longer going to be updated! We have some of our old posts on this new site, and will slowly bring them all over. Oh- go check out LTR because she got a facelift too! FYI- your first few comments on the new site will probably be thrown into the “moderation” queue until we approve them. After that you shouldn’t be moderated anymore! Don’t freak!

Because this is a pretty big move, we’re 100% sure we will have issues. There will be problems. There is stuff that won’t work. We will break stuff. So, if something seems majorly wrong- please let us know! We’ll figure it out eventually.

Shop LTT_LTRIn the meantime, let’s give something away!!! All week long we’re going to be giving away a chance to win a t-shirt of your choice from our LTT_LTR store! All you have to do is leave a comment. You can comment multiple times or just once or once every day all week- whatever. We’ll pick the winner between here and LTR later this week! Hop over to our store & pick out what design you hope to win!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store
  • kitkat

    I think the new site is very sophisticated. However, I did like saying “awesome blossom” when I thumbs-upped something…

    • http://letterstotwilight.com unintendedchoice

      ooh i forgot about that. i might be able to change it. stay tuned:)

  • lindsaylee

    Love the new site ladies, though I will miss the old one. I super hope it is not blocked on my work computer… no worries, ill use my phone!

  • Charmogold

    Ok so love the website! I feel like a just had an encounter with some Edwhakis…now available at all major departments stores next to the jorts! On a side note SANDALS will also be featuring a new honeymoon package featuring a three room suite with a private beach and Tree clothes hanger! The suite includes two rooms with Liborators one to destroy and one to ENJOY!!*** Your package will also include all you can eat eggs and rancid chicken fried chicken along with complementory chicken coop/feather wig and SPF 600 sun non tanning lotion for those who are pasty impaired!

    ***Please note that any damage done to the destroy room is the guests resposibility and we will charge your TWIVISA or TWIMASTERCARD required at check in.

  • Milfy Goodness

    I like the new format – but I’m such a creature of habit – I’m afraid it’s gonna take me a while to get used to it.

    Congrats on un-wordpressing – since I assume that is the point of the move.

    • http://letterstotwilight.com unintendedchoice

      yes. well, sorta. this is still wordpress, but self-hosted. aka it’s not free:)

  • Jan

    I’m so stoked that you updated the site. Maybe Websense at work will stop blocking the pics through Google Reader. It looks good ladies. Keep it up!

  • yellow911t

    I’m always late to this party. :\

    Anyway, the new site looks great!

  • hopieg

    Love the new site ladies!! And i totes agree with the product placement bs too. It drives me NUTS!

  • Bandmum

    Had this very convo on Twitter the other day. Someone was wishing for Rob Legos. I shot a tweet to @twilight, asking them to give us Cullens/Wolfpack Lego sets (I want the Cullen house & the Black house, including surrounding forest playsets.) j/k

    I have also been asking them for effing ever to get with Hot Wheels and give us the Cullen Car Collection. There’s a HUGE male demographic they are failing to address. (And I would buy it for me. Really.)

    Hey, Summit! There’s a buck over here you forgot to make!

    Seriously, some of the merch is just dumb – Quileute tribal tattoo PACKing tape, anybody? I guess they couldn’t come up with anything for the Pack as clever as Cullen Band-aids.

    The new site looks great!

  • lovethesefries

    Hey guys, loving the new site! Like some of the others I’m sentimental and miss the old one a bit, but I know I’ll end up loving this one even more. Can’t wait to look around.

    Don’t have much to add with the product placement stuff, as I’m not as creative as you hilarious people, but this post cracked me up!

    Oh, and on the rare occasions that I commented before, I went by Elise, but now I think with the site change and all, I’m gonna start fresh and use my Twitter name. Woohoo!

  • http://www.twitter.com/KatOfDiamonds KatOfDiamonds

    My favorite is by EastFriend:
    “Freesia-scented & guaranteed not to leak. ‘Cause our lives depend upon it.”
    Amazing!

  • crazy_blonde

    Love you, love the site, hate product placement. STUPIDEST THING EVER!

  • Michelle

    Looks gorgeous girls…

    So are you ready to pack in your jobs yet? I mean how the HALE are you guys getting any sleep?!

    • http://letterstotwilight.com unintendedchoice

      sleep!? haa! what’s that??? :)

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  • http://thehungergames.splinder.com EverJay

    OMG, I freaked out, and then I realized that you finally did it! You changed the site! And, I’ve gotta tell you, it looks UHmazing!!

  • http://www.rpattzlawyer.com rpattzlawyer

    Love the new site, ladies! And I might just head out looking for a liberator. That’s some shizz I can use, Cullen Crest or no…

  • persephone

    “if someone BINGs something in Twilight…. like Bella Bings “how to bang a vampire” I will CUT A BITCH. You GOOGLE THAT SHIT Bella! BING is for dads & grandpas.”

    Seriously laughing SO HARD right now! Sorry I’m a little late to checking out the new digs, but congrats! Very spiffy. :)

  • SwanSong

    Okay, so, where can I get that rocking bed/chair thingy?

  • eatmyjorts

    The site looks GREAT! If I JUST bought the liberator breakable headboard I think I would be in fine business.

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