Up until now it’s all seemed like a a dream. We really didn’t meet Stephenie and she really didn’t answer our questions, and we’ve just imagined all of this… but I think it’s now finally starting to sink in. At least now we’re starting to remember more and more of what happened. We even started breaking down some of the questions we asked Stephenie last Thursday and her answers (FINALLY!)…
Slow Clap or The Fraser Clap?
UC: I keep thinking of things that happened on Friday and then wondering if I’m making them up because or if it was for real. Like… when she told us she reads LTT every day- was that in a hushed tone like she was telling us a secret (or she was embarrassed) or does everything sound hushed when you’re so beet red after a Best-selling author tells you SHE reads what YOU write?
Moon: i dont know, i couldnt hear anything after i totally embarrassed myself with my semi-tard/brenden fraser clap (REMIX!) when she said she read us every day. i was 2nd embarrassed for myself
UC: you clapped? did you give us a slow clap & I missed it?
Moon: i did some sort of weird hand clap, grab i remember
UC: haha… i’m picturing you like Lumiere from Beauty & the Beast, how he shakes hands from side to side.
Moon: yea maybe i stood up (higher) and gave us a slow clap… then slowly everyone else got up and clapped because if we learned anything from the 80s, you cant resist a slow clap!
UC: right- no one knew what happened. It didn’t matter. When a slow clap starts, you don’t question- you just join in
Moon: you slowly stand and stop eating your muffin (twss) and you clap
UC: OR maybe it was like Michael sheen when he claps his hands together when he says “Ah Beller is alive and well”
Moon: i defs quoted that when we talked about what a rockstar micheal sheen was
UC: haha… Beller is alive & well, Stephenie Meyer reads LTT *Slow Clap*
Moon: and then someone got their head and arms ripped off but i blocked that out. i went and got a slice of melon and a piece of bacon instead.
UC: there was BACON? were we at the same event?
Moon: you have to bring a sacrifice to lay at her feet when you meet. it’s just the rules
UC: i have no recollection of you sitting next to me eating a disgusting pig
Moon: yes there was bacon!!
a YUMMY pig
UC: oh dang- I vaguely remember an omelet bar too
Moon: bacon is a “gift from the gods” like jacob in new moon! TWI NERD QUOTE OF THE DAY! WINNER!
UC: but my 1/2 a strawberry seemed much more appetizing. Dude I’m a VEGETARIAN like the Cullens. That’s nasty
Moon: if thats the case im hanging out with the bad vamps!
UC: You get Bree & Fred.
Moon: ef that vegetarian nonsense. BACON is where it’s at
UC: I’ll take Edward
Moon: AND they have riley aka xaiver
The one where Stephenie might want to special hug Xavier
UC: oh yes- let’s discuss that… how Stephenie is a major fan of Xavier and his hotness
Moon: duuuuude arent we all?! but she seemed like a special fan… who wants to give him special hugs… get in line BIOTCH!
UC: right- I’d say there was a special place in her heart for Xavier
Moon: she talked about his casting tape right?? and how she gave killing off riley a 2nd thought after seeing xavier
UC: I saw it in her eyes- I mean. I saw it bounced off your hair, which was in my view of her eyes MAD FACE yes- I think so. I have no idea. Did we make that up? Did this interview actually happen?
Moon: hey we’re besties, we gotta sit next to each other. I can’t help it if Stephenie Meyer wants to sit next to me at brunch!
UC: she said he sent in an audition tape to the casting lady and she nEVER looks at videos through the way Xavier sent it through- but she did… ? Therefore, I’m pretty sure Stephenie was hinting that everyone who is anyone should bombard the casting agent with videos- guaranteed placement
The one where we get all Biblical
Moon: so anyhoo because we were fashionably (read: frantically trying to find the room) late there were only 2 seats left and where were those?!
UC: and I, being the lovelier of the two, let you sit next to Stephenie. I took one for the team (mostly I’m just gonna use this for when we meet Rob. I’m on his lap, bitch)
Moon: please bitch i raced around to get that one
UC: i know.. you shoved me pretty hard. i have a big bruise
Moon: the elbow to your throat knocked you out for a few minutes but you came back around when i pulled out the Rob smelling salts (GQ pictures I keep handy just got moments like this) BUT can we just talk about how we sat at the RIGHT hand of stephenie. it’s biblical
UC: SO Biblical!
Moon: the right hand of the father or mother superior as it were we’re freaking John!
Moon: i wont guess which one of the fansites was judas
Follow the cut for our EPIC first question!
If Eclipse begins with a choice, then this interview definitely does!
Moon: THEN she finally addressed the elephant in the room…. why UC and I had left our Pattinson Pants at home, obviously. OK ok no she talked about that unfinished AWFUL story that shall NOT be named. But I’m glad she started with that cause i think it helped break the ice
UC: but who needs to mention that old piece of crap cause no one cares about Midnight Sun!! it sucks more than missing the sale at Newton’s Outfitters
Moon: But what doesnt suck was our first question. At least we thought it didn’t… though we debated using it at all
UC: White Yorkie threatened to de-firend us if we didn’t use it
Moon: and then we’d be out of the know about new action figure releases so we HAD to use it cause we GOTTA know when that new Harry Potter figure comes out
UC: it would be tragic if we were to miss that news
Moon: besides how could we start an interview with Stephenie Meyer other than by asking her to play a simple game of “FUCK, MARRY, KILL?” or in our case the Eclipse version of “Leghitch, Imprint, Hunt!”
UC: Best Game ever! Let’s play right now: Since Stephenie said she COULDN’T choose between these three (Seriously? SO EASY) You do it: Edward, Jacob, Bella
Moon: So I would… leghitch jacob – if he’s anything like Taylor that’d be interesting at least once (HAHA suck it chris hanson!!) and well i cant be having annoying teenagers around for longer than that… Imprint Edward – DUH. if anyone says otherwise they’re cray cray in the head!
UC: Dang… Can I F*ck Edward after I imprint though?
UC: Hunt Bella- duh
Moon: HUNT bella. gotta get rid of the competition in Forks… do the job, james didnt finish nor victoria. OR riley. or those usless volturi!
UC: what is wrong with them?
Moon: srsly. does it take a human to finish the job? just cut the brakes on tyler crowleys van again HELLO! Do it on a day Edward is out hunting
UC: Done: How to Kill Bella
Moon: whats about you?
UC: Oh I agree– but on the condition I can Eff Edward after imprinting
Moon: well thats apart of marrying, right?! or imprinting as it were
UC: yes then dude… best answer done. That wasn’t so hard. We need to get Stephenie drunk on Sparkling water next time and make her choose at Jorts-point
The one about Korts and HP
Moon: dude remember when she asked about jorts!! that was right around my tard clap moment and i explained jorts/korts and sworts
UC: NO remind me… seriously.. i forget EVERYTHING… ohhh yes
UC: when we first met she told us she wears them in khaki right? And if they count? and we said – oh no.. those are korts? i feel like we’re making this up. But no.. we’re not.. this happened…
Moon: i want to just imagine for a second stephenie running around phx in korts
Moon: making a target run
perhaps wearing her shirt from twifans holding our sigg water bottle… it IS phx, you gottta stay hydrated
UC: Didn’t I then word vomit that our biggest hope in life is for one of the wolves to say “jorts” in an interview… and that we feel like they’re getting close? or did I imagine that?
Moon: yea you DEFS said that! i wish i had turned on the recorder in my purse so that we could have these embarrassing moments recorded for all time
UC: i know!!!
UC: your slow clap forever embedded in the account of history. UGH. we suck! well, at least we turned it on during eating time
Moon: right might as well get the sounds of us chewing a piece of pineapple while we small talk about butter beer and the wizarding world of Harry Potter. Where we might add stephenie would much rather be than anywhere in the world
UC: Yes- that’s true… Someone get Stephenie Meyer to Harry Potters’ Wonderful Wizarding world.
UC: I feel like I showed a lot of enthusiasm when I asked what Butterbeer tastes like. i’m not sure I care I mean.. I sorta care, but I pretty much don’t actually care
Moon: i did. i wanted to imagine getting drunk of liquid butter
UC: I also think she needs to meet Rowling… how have they not met?
Moon: who knows. if that happened the world might implode or maybe spontaneous world peace would happen… extinct animals would flourish, the oil spill would stop, rainbows would happen every day
UC: If Meyer and Rowling met…
Moon: that needs to be a internet meme! like the “when Obama wins” one
The one where we pass notes
Moon: so what the crap happened after that? After we asked her to fuck marry and kill someone, we kinda zoned out. how do you top that, anyway? so instead we focused on what she was wearing
UC: right- In my memory she’s wearing gray pants and a blue peasant top
Moon: they were denim
UC: but.. I feel like shes’ a Nordstrom gal… or Bloomies?
Moon: i know because i was staring at her leg as we passed notes back and forth under the table…
“does edwards curtain match the drapes, check yes or no”
“was bella that much of a horn ball in phoenix? check yes or no”
“do you want to go doorbell ditch rob’s place after the inteerview? check yes or no”
UC: “Did you really randomly pick us out of a hat b/c that’s a coincidence & everyone thinks you didn’t”
“Robsten or Nonsten- circle one”
Moon: and of course she wrote in “dont give a crapsten”… cause stephenie is NORMAL. that was a trick note we passed
UC: she passed the test- PHEW
Moon: THANK GOD… i was worried we’d have to leave on principle if she checked robsten and drew a picture of a fireplace and a bearskin rug next to it… or picked nonsten and drew a picture of emily de ravene and rob in bed
UC: i bet it’d be pretty accurate though- since she knows them and has talked to Kristen first hand about the love making they do in front of a fire- we could’ve used her drawing to create our tshirts
The one where we learn about her ex boyfriends
Moon: finally it was back around to us…
UC: And we asked the question everyone was DYING TO KNOW… WTF is up with naming vampires Diego & Fred!??? “Were they old boyfriends!??”
Moon: byu mixer days!
UC: she laughed and said she tried not to include anyone she dated- and if she did, they’d all be “Daves.” She seemed to only date Daves… It sounds like there were a LOT of Daves too…
Moon: A LOT… in fact lauren Mallory’s character may have been fashioned after stephenie’s freshman year self
UC: I think she basically implied that
Moon: Well at least you know you can never say the wrong name
UC: Right- makes it easy to remember… I bet “Pancho” was a change..
Moon: Wait, was lauren mallory a slut or am i making that up??!!
UC: i think she was just a bitch and therefore we assume she was a slut
Moon: from dave to pancho! AYE AYE Papi! she was probably bored of white bread utah and wanted some south of the border flavor. She is from AZ, after all! Shes like the female Utah version of boys who move to LA, only they’re boys and they like Asian girls
UC: Is Pancho even Mexican? Cuz I don’t know that he is… She only likes the ethnic boys- see ya Daves, Hello Panchos, DIEGOs & Rauls
Moon: EDWARD… oh wait
UC: googling pancho…
Moon: it didnt matter if he wasnt latino, pancho was enough flava for her
UC: Pancho is in heaven here (to the right)
Moon: look at that smile!
UC: she’s got a great smile too- i noticed that when we were taking pics- she has a closed lip smile…i always wish i could rock that b/c i have big buck teeth
Moon: i cant do the closed mouth smile either
UC: And googling tells me… his name is Christian…
Moon: Oh Well, anyone who goes by the name “Pancho” is south of the border in their hearts and that’s good enough for us!
Someday we’ll finally get all of the Stephenie Q&A’s out there for you but hope you’re enjoying the roll out as we reflect back on the big day…
So spill, who would YOU Ef/Marry/Kill or Leghitch/Imprint/Hunt?! Answer in the comments. What’s the best threesome you can come up with? Also complete the phrase “When Rowling and Meyer meet…”