Tonight (I’m writing this at 2am) was the Eclipse premiere and red carpet event in downtown Los Angeles and I was there. Barely. And no thanks to the awful security/event management company SEM who couldn’t keep their rules straight, changed the rules whenever they felt like it, were led by a power hungry dbag, were so worried about ticket fraud they even wristbanded a BABY (which didn’t work! Fraud happened). It was shenanigans to say the least. BUT, we were in, and after meeting up with tons of #leghitch2010 girls we dropped off LilCrazyCow (my cousin) who would be helping us live tweet from her spot on the ESPN restaurant balcony, we headed off to get in line to be loaded into the bleachers by the red carpet.
Of course waiting meant we got to see a bunch of crazies in their natural habitat… outside a movie premiere…
THEY EXIST!! In real life!!! And I always thought these lived on Etsy (or Regretsy) only. Nope! People buy these!
Then these 2 old creepers showed up. I asked them what they were doing here (since they didn’t know the name of the movie), they said they were there to see a BIG TIME movie premiere… AND to pick up chicks. I told them they better check ID’s cause I was calling Chris Hansen on their creeper asses. WEIRD!
Let me tell you after spending about 3048324 hours in those bleachers I don’t even know who half the cast is anymore I was so astonished at the total lack of knowledge regarding the Twilight cast from the so called fans who somehow got wristbands to sit in this special section. So don’t worry about me I just may call them by the names the “fans” gave them tonight for your reading pleasure!
First up was Tyson Houseman, aka the Nerdy Wolf who no one around us even knew. So we gave up thinking he’d come over because everyone was too worried about “Jacob” and when he’d show up. Um, not till WAY later people!
Then Mike Welch RAN over and ran up and down the line several times probably in effots to burn a few extra calories and earn some more points on Weight Watchers, but he reminded us we gotta get that protein in us!
And then in one of the “WTF arrivals” of the night Tia and Tamara Mawry showed up and worked the red carpet and even came over to sign for fans further cementing our musings about the connection between ABC’s TGIF and the Twilight franchise. Cause surprisingly the crowd knew all about these girls, pronounced their names right and talked about their show “Sister Sister.” I kept asking Ashley what planet we were on. TIA AND TAMRA MOUWRY?!
Then we noticed this dude who we swear we thought was Paris Latsis, Nikki’s old/maybe current/we don’t know boyfriend, but then we noticed he was wearing and Eclipse tshirt and was somehow working for Summit. But maybe that’s Nikki’s parting gifts to her ex boyfriends? Jobs at the studio she makes movies with? Maybe the whole “Greek Shipping Heir” thing isn’t working out for him and he needs some extra hair dye money?
It may not have been Paris Latsis but it was fate that we noticed him because without him we wouldn’t have seen this beautiful piece of art work behind him. I know when I’m planning out my posters for red carpet events my first idea is “pencil drawing of Rob and Kristen.” Who needs glitter when you can capture their magicness with a drawing?
Earning the nights “Classy Moments” award would be Papa Stew throwing up rock signs at his rando pals and then having a ciggie right in front of the fans, the huge Eclipse banner, and the radio/MC guy then snubbing it out on the edge of the carpet.
Taller than the fire hydrant but shorter than the limo… David Slade!! To get the full effect of his teeeeeeny tiny awesomness here’s him walking away since when he came near the fans it was almost impossible to see him… he he
Follow the cut for part 2 of the Eclipse premiere complete with the Holy Trinity, a double take and a wink
Daniel Cudmore – This man is HUGE. That’s what she said… but seriously huge. I was standing up on something and it was almost as tall as me. He has meat hooks for hands which I totally understand when that was mentioned last week.
Then is was time for Kellan to come light up the crowd. The second he stepped out of the car the energy went through the roof. A twihard knows when Kellan is in a 5 mile radius and it showed. He cheesed it up with fans HARDCORE
Funniest sign award… wish I could have gotten the whole thing
As luck would have it I caught Ashley Greene as she saw her reflection in the floor length mirror a fan so gracious held up. Ashley couldn’t believe her stylist was actually a caterer at the after party who grabbed one of the table clothes to dress her in. TOGA TOGA TOGA!
And then this happened…
HERE COMES DREAMBOAT!!!!!!!! Holy nuts this dude gets best dressed man at the event. Sorry Ron but patterned shirt, cufflinks, tailored suit, hair and accent wins everytime. DAYUM. Throw some shrimp on his barbie. I don’t even know what that means Austrians I’m still recovering from the brain cells I lost yesterday from standing in this mess.
Then Gil showed up but didn’t come talk to the fans so I have no picture but as he exited the car this gem was spoken around us: “is that the guy in the wheelchair?” Why yes, he’s magically healed and now at the premiere! Amazing!
Then some other stuff happened and finally the big three showed up! You could tell because someone uttered:
“EDWARD’S HERE!!!” or as one girls say “Rob Patteson”
Why yes, yes he was! In all this Uncle Jesse/Ron Burgandy/Vintage Glory. Oddly enough it looked great on him with the shoes, but then once he stepped next to people in not ironic suits he looked like a doof. How can you compete with tie bars, cuff links, pocket squares and patterned shirts? YOU CAN’T, sadly. But we love him despite and we love him when he looks up and does a double take at us. AND WAVES! Oh yes friends Rob looked at us twice. And of course I thought “he knows!”
Then Kristen turned up… in a great white beaded mini with back cut out detail. She hoped into the line to sign autograph but as she started a sharpie swiped her face in the melay. Poor fan’s hand totally got pushed into her forehead. So KStew ran off to clean that up
Then it was pretty much over and we were looking around for the nearest bar to help heal our spirits and figure out if we’re psychotically obsessed or just NORMAL that we know their names AREN’T “Alice” or “Ron Patterson” or Kristina Stewart.” We hugged each other and agreed that we had to be normal because at least we didn’t say…
Until next time,
A few articles of business:
First, we want to THANK everyone who has purchased and is now sporting LTT_LTR gear from our store! Please, please send us pictures of you modeling it or doing something funny! We’d love to see:) Secondly, our gear is all through CafePress- and they are GREAT! They rushed the items we got for Stephenie Meyer SO fast to us & we’re really greatful. So obviously check our Our Store, but CafePress has millions of customized gifts – for all topics, interests, and brands such as other Twilight T-shirts! Make sure you have something HOT to wear for opening night!!!
And…. what would you say if I told you that someone you know…. someone you know well is going to be a “Twilight Superfan” at one of the Twilight Night events coming up THIS Saturday? Would you die of second-hand embarrassment for this person? Would you make fun of her like you make fun of the PattinsonPants Lady & people who make Robsten videos? I would…. except…. except… it’s UC:/ Yes, UnintendedChoice will be the TWILIGHT SUPERFAN at the Philadelphia Twilight Night event THIS SATURDAY. Please tell us if you’re within driving distance so you can go support her because who knows what she’ll have to do. Will she have to reenact the tent scene with a moviefone employee? Will she be forced into an oversized Twilight tshirt & made to perform “We are the Rob” all alone!? Email us if you’re going to be there! UC wants to meet you!