What if Twilight didn’t Fade to Sad?

Dear Twilight hornballs,

When Moon & I gave Stephenie her LTT gifts after our big interview, she opened up the notebook that said “Fade to Black Sad” on the front (inside contained a private, REAL “letter To Stephenie” (sneak peek: “We love you more than Robsteners love the idea of Rob & K getting it on on a bear skin rug in front of a fire”)) she said (I’m paraphrasing), “I’m sorry guys- I just can’t write what really happens! I have kids- I can’t read that to them” (She DOES read her books to her kids! AW- “Mommy- what’s a leg hitch?” “Come here, Pancho, let’s show them how it’s done”) And I responded (paraphrasing)- “WE HATE YOU SO MUCH We understand. As much as we want to know the details that exist in YOUR magnificent brain, if you were really specific your story would end up on the shelf next to those books with Fabio on the cover.”

And it’s true. Can you imagine if Breaking Dawn DIDN’T “fade to black?” I mean, isn’t the sexual tension and the non-sex what keeps the story going at times? As much as I love reading a little sexytimes story to pick up new tips- I’m sorry- any story that says “shaft” isn’t one I feel I can proudly show on my bookshelf. Here I’ll prove it:

He stood, his back to me, waist deep in the midnight water, staring up at the oval moon. The pallid light of the moon turned his skin a perfect white, like the sand, like the moon itself, and made his wet hair black as the ocean…The water was so clear, I swear I could make out the entirety of his shaft.

How’s that for a description? Don’t you wish included more details like that? Here’s another:

I slipped the towel off without hesitation, leaving it on the tree with his clothes, and walked out into the white light; it made me pale as the snowy sand too… I stepped in, walking carefully across the invisible ocean floor, but my care was unnecessary; the sand continued perfectly smooth, sloping gently toward Edward. I waded through the weightless current till I was at his side, and then I placed my hand lightly over his cool hand lying in the water…”Bella touch my shaft” he whispered.

RobioDamn I’m all hot and having visions of Edward as Fabio right now.  It CAN believe it’s butter, baby….

I was talking to @Brookelockart about this very topic & she said she doesn’t necessarily wish for lemons, but she would like a little lemon zest from time to time. I think she means something a little bit like this:

He shuddered the tiniest bit at my warm touch. His breath came rougher now. “I promised we would try,” he whispered, suddenly tense. “If… if I do anything wrong, if I hurt you, you must tell me at once…” At that moment I had such a wet center that all I could think of was his throbbing member.

Now THAT’S the story I always wanted. Don’t want me to stop!? Okay:

“Don’t be afraid,” I murmured. “We belong together.” I was abruptly overwhelmed by the truth of my own words. And by the heat radiating from my wet sex. This moment was so perfect, so right, there was no way to doubt it.

NOW the story is perfect!!! Actually, if you did think my addition to the quotes added an element to the story you were really missing, it’s probably time you donate your stack of $3.99 paperbacks from Wal-mart to a local dumpster. Maybe we want to know MORE of what happened, but have you ever read a book that’s delivered the goods without going the ‘way of the shaft?’ I’ve read some HOT book sex scenes. I remember story time at the beach while on vacation with friends when ItalianGirl read a scene out loud of sex & cigarettes while riding horseback. It was GREAT- but the word “Shaft” was used like 120 times. Seriously. We get it. The dude has a big one. You liked it, female protagonist.

Isn’t the “fade to sad” why we love the #LegHitch so much!? It’s something FINALLY worthy of interest for those 14 or older that goes down between Edward & Bella. And we hold our breath and wait while Edward’s hand trails down Bella’s calf and under her knee to pull up her leg and hitch it around his hip. SQUEE! As (mostly) grown, experienced women, that sort of stuff shouldn’t excite us the way it does. But it DOES. And I’m so glad. It reminds me of my innocence so long gone. And while I want more- and REALLY want to know what happens in Stephenie’s mind (There’s a pool in Arizona that had Isle Esme acted out in its entirety I’m SURE!) if the options are “Fade to Sad” vs “Fade to Shaft…” wellllll, I guess I’ll take sad.

His arms wrapped around mine, holding me against him, summer and winter. It felt like every nerve ending in my body was a live wire. “Forever,” he agreed, and then pulled us gently into the deeper water. And onto his shaft.

Sorry! Couldn’t resist!

Love,
UnintendedChoice

PS: I asked for Mr. Choice to suggest “non-perverse but totally gross sex words” to help me with this letter & while I appreciated his desire to help….. well, no… I did not use his suggestions!

So what do you think? Ever read a non-shaft-mentioning sex story that WASN’T worthy of Fabio on the cover? Think Breaking Dawn could have added a bit more details and stayed the way of the Twilight Saga- innocent yet filled with sexual tension? How upset WERE you that Breaking Dawn ended up “Fading to Sad?”

Did you know we sell “Fade to Sad” Stuff in our LTT_LTR store! Fade to Sad today!!!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store
  • Not Quite Normal

    To be honest, I’ve always thought that the “fade to black” was hotter than a description would be. You’re left to your imagination, which can supply plenty :)

    • AJ

      Now I’m thinking you girls need to add a shirt to the LTT store based on this hilarious post.

      Like Fade to Shaft, or LTT girls just say no to Shaft.

  • Ann Marie

    Laughing so hard I spewed chewed up cereal on my desk! I don’t know which is funnier…..the totally non-sexy use of the words “member” and “shaft” or Rob w/ Fabio hair.

    And my sons ask me to read Twilight to them, too.
    “Just the vampire fights, Mom. No kissy stuff.”

    That takes like 3 minutes, cuz it’s mostly kissy stuff, with brief bits of action. (Thanks Steph!)

    • Bea

      “That takes like 3 minutes, cuz it’s mostly kissy stuff, with brief bits of action.”
      Which is why I totally get to mock my unicorn husband when he claims to only like it for the vampire-werewolf fights.

      • Ann Marie

        Your husband is so in denial about his unicorn-ness! I personally cannot wait to watch Eclipse on DVD at home with my husband, after the kids have gone to bed, with a glass of wine…..fade to black….

        Husband’s should really appreciate Twilight more!!!!

  • Ish

    I am STILL CRINGING at that S word. The dreaded s word, mind you “member” is also pretty heinous. OH just thought what if Edward was one of those sad men who named his Willy, “Come on Bella meet Percy” *shudder*
    Best and funniest sex scene ever written in a book had me screaming out loud is in “dont you want me” by India Knight If I can be bothered I can type it out – A sex scene that shouldn’t be, is hillarious

    • Obava

      Yes, please- type it out for us!

      • Ish

        I just reread it and it’s bloody ages. Do I HAVE TO? “said in whiney can’t be naffed type voice but sort of really wanting to”

        • Ish

          It happened very quickly after that. On came Barry White, down went the lights, off came his coat, and mine. And then – oh no, oh no – he started to dance. He danced a snaky, writhy little dance, and if this wasn’t bad enough, he started untying his Turnbull & Asser tie, thrusting all the while, not quite in time with the music. his clenched fists were down by his swivelling hips, pumping in and out like a choo choo train. I constantly ask myself whether prowness on the dance floor is indicative of prowness in the sack; if so, then I was clearly in for a bit of a spasticated ride. I was just standing there, watching the display with mounting dismay and wondering whether I ought just to go home when he spoke.’Come here,` said Dr Cooper, his voice sounding all hoarse. “You make me hot”.
          “OK;” I said, unnecessarily, moving foward. “Do you um, want me to dance too?”
          “Yeah” said Cooper, pushing his face into my neck and – eeeeuwww – licking it. “Dance with me hot lady”.
          You know when you really really want to laugh, but you´re not allowed to, and how th eofrbiddenness makes it so much worse? It was like that. I wanted to snort, to honk, to bray with laughter, to lie on the floor and clutch my stomach and howl, but I didn’t……..

          If you also have tears streaming down your face now please buy the book. It starts off a bit weird and is really a bit on the saucy side but it is soooooooooooooo funny
          (just had terrible thought of you all banning me now from LTT for very poor sense of humor and there is deathly silence in front of all computers world wide and now Steph will finish that bloody book just to piss me off.

          xx

          • Ish

            oh dear feeling very first hand embarassed now. wish there was a delete shaft here

          • Krystle

            lmao – reading this at work and holding back laughing out loud. ‘dance with me hot lady’??? oh my.

          • Robjunkie

            LMAO. So funny. And did the author really write prowness instead of prowess?

          • snowwhitedrifted

            If I was the girl in that story/ scenario, I would have busted up laughing, Elaine-style- when Jerry Seinfeld put the PEZ dispenser on her leg during the concert.

          • Goodgirl goneplaid

            Haha! No need for 1st hand embarassment, I’ve totally forgotten how much I enjoyed India Knights books, I’m hoping she writes some more again.x.

  • http://twitter.com/Jayde17 Jayde

    Honestly, I’m happy it was “Fade to Sad”.
    I think if it had been descriptive of everything I would have been so mortified and it would’ve ruined the book for me.
    It’s just not THAT type of book. I much rather prefer that it alludes to everything (and it DEFINITELY alludes, many times), but doesn’t go into full-on description. Sometimes things are just better like that, IMO.

    • Bea

      Agreed. And this way you get to make up your own story of what happens. And you don’t feel like you need to rip it out of the hands of 14 year-olds.
      Which reminds me of my favorite Twi-conversation ever, with a 9th grader I tutored:
      Me: Where are you in the book?
      Girl: The honeymoon… but I really don’t get it.
      Me: Ahh… that’s really ok at this point in your life.

      • http://mainericefamily.blogspot.com no cool name

        What a good tutor/adult influence!

  • superhumanmoron

    She could have referenced his “Pocket Edward”.

    • lizziecoo

      You guys crack me up – laughed so hard I had trouble breathing. My hubby suggests an addition, see if you can spot:
      He stood, his back to me, balls deep in the midnight water, staring up at the oval moon. The pallid light of the moon turned his skin a perfect white, like the sand, like the moon itself, and made his wet hair black as the ocean…The water was so clear, I swear I could make out the entirety of his shaft.

      • https://twitter.com/kandnandb kandnandb

        LMAO! That must be a guy thing-balls deep-my hubby says that about EVERYTHING.

      • Robjunkie

        Hahahahahahahahaa!!!!!! Thanks for sharing that little gem. A gazillion thumbs up.

    • lilmisscan’tbewrong

      Is there a way I can thumbs-up this a thousand times? Cuz I really want to!

    • Twi-Mom (not like on “O”)

      Hey Baby(said like Elivs) I have a Little Pocket Eddie in my pocket and I am happy to see you!!

  • natashadushi

    Only 1 thing: Thank God for fanfic like MOTU, the Office, Blind date from hell, computer repair,I Hate You with an Insurmountable Passion, Creature of Habit (and my list goes on and on) that I can let my fade to sad be fade to happy. Ok time for some iced tea (ehm) *hides dogeared fanfiction files under the bed*

    • kat

      Word.

    • Obava

      Hell YES.
      Thank you, FF writers (and dealers <3)!

      • delilah439

        Thank you FF writers, and I hate you. I hate you because I thought the idea of FF was so dumb for a long time there, and then I ran out of something to read one night, decided to try one out and CANT STOP!!! Last night= another 2am reading session when I have to get up for work at 6am. Not cool. I need FF detox.

        • Robjunkie

          I feel you sista. I stopped reading ff for a while, but now I’m back to staying up all night reading. so addictive.

          • sonata

            Someone thumb’s downed all references to Fanfiction.

            (Stephenie…is that you???)

  • Edible Art ?

    Ha ha – love the additons – I too like fade to sad – for the rest there is fanfiction !!!

    Breaking Dawn with shafts and stuff eughhhh!!

  • http://www.twitter.com/lissashoff robsten4life

    I definitely don’t mind the fade to sad, if it were anything more it wouldn’t have fit the books.

    However just because it wasn’t described in the books doesn’t mean I don’t want to see it portrayed in the movies…. ok maybe I just want to see a lot of naked Robward, sue me ;)

    • Michelle

      I’m in 100% agreement on this. I am ALL for sexy times being reinacted on the BIG screen. DO it. DOO IIITTTTT please.

      The book, well it just would have been weird.

      The sexual tension and longing is what MAKES Twilight for me. Well, that and Edward. To quote my almost favorite Cullen, “that’s hot…”

      Thank you, Emmett.

  • Cazza

    I think the fade to black is what makes it work, reminds me of my teenage years and all that fluttery heart excitemement. And let’s face it, if SM had gone down (TWSS) the sexy route, would all this fan fiction have the same attraction? (I really hope so).

    I know in some books that I have read that they use the word *sex* for *shaft*……..

    “Edward’s sex was thrusting away whilst Bella could feel her sex getting moist as they came together”

    x

    • tuesdaymidnight

      *shudder* You used the m-word!! *vomits*

      • Cazza

        I know, sorry….. :)

        “the cake was moist”

        “the grass was moist”

        “her hair was moist”

        • Sj

          I’ll just hum a happy tune while mixing the brain bleach.

          • eatmyjorts

            Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmoist. That’s all I have to say. Except ‘eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew’.

          • tuesdaymidnight

            *puts hands over ears*

            La la la la la la la la la

        • snowwhitedrifted

          Eww eww eww, I can never look at a box of brownie mix with the text” moist and delicious” in the same way again.

          • Midnight_Cyn

            Times like these are the ONLY times that I am thankful for no short term memory!!! (I eat alot of brownies..)

  • LissyLoo

    Oh my god. I think I just wet my pants. That was the funniest thing I have ever read right there! My husband just came out to see what I was laughing at, then when I tried to hide it, he opened it up and just looked at me like I had 3 heads and said “what the he’ll is this smutty shit ur reading?” I tried to explain but couldn’t stop laughing.
    Now he’s giving me funny looks!!!
    Thanks for the laughs UC!
    xox

    • Ish

      They just don’t get it do they! I posted on facebk once “if Robs on my flight to nz I might have to consider joining the mile high club” Needless to say poor hubby was devastated and upset and grumpy for days. AS IF but they just don’t get it – thinks we have turned into pervy Rob stalkers weeellll…………..

      • LissyLoo

        I know! He thinks I’m craycray SMS when I tell him not to worry coz I’m normal he doesn’t get it :(
        wish I was cleverer at hiding it!! Or he was like Mr Choice and mildly indifferent rather than apalled!
        Hahaha… Lucky rob hasn’t come to aus yet or he would be have to be publicly embarassed by me rather than privately!!

        • LissyLoo

          *especially not SMS- stupid predictive text!

        • Ish

          craycray SMS? Take pity on a poor kiwi living in Germany and not knowing all the “new” expressions :-)

          • LissyLoo

            A kiwi in Germany! Wow!
            Tis ok craycray = crazy
            night! I’m off to bed
            xox

  • http://www.twitter.com/_dharv HeyyyBrother

    UC, I may or may not be picturing you as Ms. Perky the Guidance Counselor from 10 Things I Hate About You right now. Hollering “Mr. Choice! What’s another word for ‘engorged’?” I’m sorry you didn’t have someone there to suggest “tumescent”, but well done regardless.

    • TheColdWoman

      Excellent reference!

    • WakeUpDead25

      OMG I thought of Ms. Perky too! I was obsessed w/ that movie when it came out :)

    • Brooke Lockart

      Guess who was her dealer…. Hee hee

      • http://www.twitter.com/_dharv HeyyyBrother

        Oh, Brookie… you’re so zesty.

  • TeamJacobEdward

    Fade to black /sad DOES have something over using the terms, “shaft,” “swollen,” “tumescent” and “quivering member,” I fully agree. And you’re right, I don’t have those books perched on my bookshelves.

    When a book “fades to black/sad” the specific details of the tryst can change each and every time in correlation to what you’re in the mood for at that given time. I keeps the… event interesting.

    However. I believe there is a happy medium. It is possible to be suggestively detailed. Give a little more but still leave a little something to the imagination. …Maybe I’ll get brave enough to publish a couple of my “one shots” of these scenes to demonstrate my point.

    • eatmyjorts

      Oh please do! I have recently read some ff. Mostly J/B, but a little E/B & some of the sex scene writing has me screeching with laughter. If I ever read again about how he ‘bit her lower lip, begging for entrance’ or how someone ‘pinched her nipple’, or worse ‘her nub’ I will have to punch something. The words tedious, repetitive & ouch come to mind. If it can’t be written well, let our imaginations do better instead…

      • snowwhitedrifted

        I hate that some FF words make me cringe like the Monday alarm clock.

      • toooldforthis

        As much as I hate the overuse of “member” and “shaft”, I’ve read worse.

        I read a ff one time that was very clinical. The author actually used the word genitalia – as in “his hand moved toward my genitalia”.

        I was roaring with laughter, but I don’t think it was intended to be funny.

        • Robjunkie

          My pet hate is the word organ. “I wrapped my hand around his rigid organ.”

      • alisheeba

        he ‘bit her lower lip, begging for entrance’

        I wanna read that FF! What is it called!? ;}

  • dionrenee

    When I first heard (audiobook) that scene I was so excited but when the “fade to sad” moment came I was like, is there something wrong with my audio? WTF just happened, then I realized, oh right, its a youth novel, damn it!!

    There was some fanfic on Amazon of all places that was the cure to that, I forwarded to all of my frustrated friends reading BD.

    The Robio pic is totally scary!!!

  • Michelle

    All I wanna know is…did her hoo-ha freeze solid during their Isle Esme trysts?

    Freaking Tweed Seriously. These are the things that keep me up at night. Would it be like sticking your tongue to a flag pole in the winter – but in reverse? OUCH.

    Poor Bella. Or maybe poor Edward? Either way, we NEED to see that on the big screen.

    Muhahahahahahaaaaaaa.

    • Ish

      WIN

    • Bea

      One word and I’m gonna walk away: popsicle.

      • dionrenee

        Mel Mel promised there would be sex in BD……my year and a half wait better be worth it!!!!

        I just dread the stupid interviews they will have to go thru when they are promoting BD

        Kristen won’t be able to speak…

      • eatmyjorts

        And people wonder why we love the wolf….

        • claire’s mommy

          Amen sister. I certainly don’t want anything that cold near my girly bits!

      • Obava

        Hee hee hee- that’s exactly what I was thinking :D

        • Midnight_Cyn

          Okay I know I normally don’t comment on “this kinda stuff” being the prude that I am…but I must defend “my Eddie”…and at my age, always on the verge of self-combustion, I myself don’t want anyone 108.9 degree’s anywhere near any part of my body….I’m just sayin…I’ll take the “cold one” any day…twss…. :)

          • The Old One

            Oh, Midnight Cyn, I guess that means Edward was made by nature to be the perfect companion for ladies “of a certain age”, not the teenage Bella? That’s a welcome thought, my dear!

    • raven

      I’ve always wondered the same thing. Cold is numbing. I would think that would be a bad thing. Obviously, I’ve put waaaay to much thought into this.

  • Ish

    Man stop it I had sooooooooooooooo much to do today and I am laughing so much and glued to the computer so not to miss anything, the kids are begging to go swimming – its 35° here and I can’t leave. I just can’t.

  • http://www.twitter.com/ScienceGeek91 Rob’s slow mo’ strut

    “There’s a pool in Arizona that had Isle Esme acted out in its entirety I’m SURE!”
    THIS! (Sorry, Steph, if you’re reading this, which we know you are. But you gotta admit this was funny!)

    Now to answer your question, at first I was a little upset. I mean after three books and 900 (roughly) pages, we get this? “We belong together”? W.T.F?

    But now I realize that’s where Twilight’s appeal lies. Less is always more. You have to FEEL the sexual tension.

    Besides I think I would puke if you mention Edward’s shaft again..*shudder* I mean, what about his virtue? His innocence? Shame on you girls..smh

    Ok, I was kidding. Not about the ‘shaft’ part though. That’s the worst synonym to describe the male genitalia.

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  • http://adriennetrafford.blogspot.com adrienne

    hmmm….I’m pretty much ok with “fade to sad” because I can use my imagination and because of how soon my 13-year-old will be reading BD. (WFE has a Fade-to-actual-sex scene and no mention of members, rods, or shafts for fanfic-less people, just thought I’d mention)

  • Midnight_Cyn

    OH MAJOR FacePalm…of ALL the times to NOT put on the headphones!! Picture IT: Maine 2010…(sorry I digress): Narrator reading UC’s letter OUT LOUD…hubs walks in with coffee..stops in doorway just as she starts reading UC’s “here I’ll prove it”…(I don’t notice he is there…so intense on listening…(way too intense I might add)…..he says nothing must have just stood there as the narrator read on..(though I swear the pitch in her artificial voice actually changed when she read “shaft” but I could be wrong..) only then does he make his presence known with “What the HELL are you listening to?” Umm ohhh its uhh..(yeah major Bella stutter..can’t find the stop button, she keeps reading…I am dying…hubs tries to see computer screen…I slam shut the laptop..and spend the next few mins. trying to explain but can’t b/c he doesn’t know about LTT..and FINALLY bluff my way badly with “oh its just a dirty email joke thingy someone sent me” major fail…he does not even try to pretend he buys it…”Yeah right, its something to do with that Edward guy”..mumbles something ..walks off pissed cause I didn’t even get the coffee…what a way to start the day..thanks UC.. ;)

    • Sj

      …and then you made yourself a coffee and kept right on listening. Truth please!

      • Midnight_Cyn

        LOL..no coffee yet..but oh yeah kept on listening..HEADPHONES ON!!!

        • eatmyjorts

          HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! THAT’S HILARIOUS CYN! THANK GOODNESS SHE REALLY ONLY SAID SHAFT, CAN’T YOU TELL HUBS IT’S EDWARD’S FAVOURITE FILM – HE’S WAY INTO BLAXPLOITATION OR WHATEVER IT’S CALLED?
          HEADPHONES ARE TOTES THE WAY TO GO!

          • Ang

            Isn’t Shaft the movie they watch on dvd at Isle Esme?

    • Ang

      Hi Cyn! When you said “picture it” I totally pictured Sofia on the Golden Girls. :-) So funny that Hubs said “something to do with that Edward guy.” Doesn’t everything have something to do with that Edward guy?

      • Midnight_Cyn

        Hey Ang..:) Totally a reference from the Golden Girls..I am so like Sophia..(okay not quite as old but almost) I adore her..
        As for “my Eddie”..yeah the hubs is getting quite sick of hearing about “him”! Funny to think he is jealous of a character from a movie…but honestly I haven’t been as careful talking occasionally(nonstop) anthing/everything Twilight since my surgery and my continual viewing (for recuperative purposes only) of all three movies hasn’t helped…I almost called the hubs Edward the other day…oops..the only good part of having suffered brain damage..:) it comes in handy once in a while….

        • Stacey

          So that’s where I went wrong! Instead of telling my husband about of Rob, I should have just called him “Edward”. I think he would be much more accepting of a book character than an actual person. Plus, I wouldn’t have to hear mean comments about poor Rob everytime an Eclipse commercial comes on.

          • Midnight_Cyn

            Yeah Stacey..its Edward..its always been Edward…..(Rob is Ang’s anyway) To be honest I don’t find Rob very attractive..(ready for the thumbsdowns)…I love the character Edward and all that he is about! I adore how SM (bows) created the only other man besides the hubs I could love….

          • Stacey

            I would never thumbsdown you! :0) Alot of my friends question my love for the Rob. I also completely agree about liking Edward!

          • Ang

            Thanks MidCyn for pretending you don’t like Rob since he’s mine. wink wink.

    • http://mainericefamily.blogspot.com no cool name

      Hey Midnight_Cyn – you’re in Maine? Me too! Southern? Central? Midcoast? I’m in Rumford.

      • Midnight_Cyn

        NO WAY..WE ARE LIKE..NEIGHBORS!!! AN LTT’ER THAT IS NEARBY…YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

        • Midnight_Cyn

          P.S. JodieO is a Mainiac too…!!!

      • JodieO

        Rumfuhd!? I’m up in Brewah! My uncle used to teach in the Rumford area before he passed away. Lovely area if it didn’t take so darn long to get there. =) Glad to see another Mainah on here. Yessah!

        @Cyndi – That story is awesome. The only way it could be more awesome is if the bird starts saying ‘shaft’ all the time now.

        • http://mainericefamily.blogspot.com no cool name

          Ok, ladies. We have to get together to see BD #1 when it comes out. I would suggest Eclipse but I’ve already seen it once and I have plans to see it again with friends next week, so I’m pretty sure I would start getting “the look” from my husband if I attempted to see it a third time.

          • Midnight_Cyn

            As much as I would LOVE to go see BD when it comes out..since my accident I don’t leave the house, but I am sure JodieO would..she is a hoot..maybe you could meet halfway???
            Its so great to have another Mainer on LTT!! :)

          • JodieO

            @No Cool Name – We’ll have to meet up in Saco to see BD at the IMAX. Then we’ll get Shaftward really really big! (twss)

            Maybe the lure of Edward skinny dipping on a HUGE screen will be enough to entice Cyndi out by 2011!

    • operarose

      Cyn, I think LTT is safer read with headphones on!

      And don’t worry, we’re all in the same boat with the husband or significant other being jealous of Edward! Since it’s hard to stay off the topic of Twilight and by extension Edward, I’ve found the best thing to do is to try to convince him I like Jacob more (men don’t seem to mind Jacob as much), and, perhaps my crowning achievement, I somehow put the thought into his mind that I find Kristen Stewart more attractive than Edward, leading him to believe that I have “interesting” thoughts about Kristen Stewart. Again, he doesn’t find Bella as threatening as Edward, even though I’d have to change sexuality for her. Don’t ask me how I managed to get him to think that I like Kristen better than Edward. But it’s worth it for him to think I have a girlcrush on Kristen … ANYTHING (I hope the computer reader emphasizes “anything – I wrote it in caps) to throw him off so I can enjoy fantas-er, I mean, thinking – of Robward in peace.

      • Midnight_Cyn

        ROFWELMAO Opera!! That was almost too much for my pee brain to grab ahold of! Luckily the hubs is a good sport (most of the time) after all I do “sleep with Eddie” every night..yes even in this heat so there really isn’t any point to trying to hide the fact I adore the “concept” of Edward. He even laughed as I watched Eclipse (over & over) and with the headphones on did not realize I was making..umm comments out loud during certain scenes…see why I have stayed married to this man for 32 yrs..( p.s. I was a 5yr old bride)!!

  • OutOfF(l)avour

    I’ve accepted ‘Fade to Sad’ – i just imagine my own scenarios.

    But I, too, have read books with non-cringe-worthy sex scenes – no shafts or members or words like throbbing. It IS possible. haha.

    But I guess it is young adult fiction after all…

  • TippyL

    I agree that fade to sad is the gist of the books. Leaves us all wanting more. Which is why god (and it is really divine) invented M-rated fanfic.

    On the other hand, (I’m surely dating myself), when I was in 5th grade, all the girls in class got together during library time to read and reread the sex scenes in Judy Blume’s book Forever. And that surely is considered a classic. Teens today will have to make due with the leghitch scene an you know, 30somethings too.

    • Stacey

      Oh the kids today will start with the leghitch, move on to Forever then next stop Fanfic and some Harlequin. It’s the hormonal circle of life.

    • https://twitter.com/kandnandb kandnandb

      Forever!!!!! OMG, yes I loved that book. I learned a lot. Then I picked up “Wifey” (also a Judy Blume book) and got scarred for life.

  • Sj

    “I didn’t want to imagine him inside her.” Jacob, BD.

    My brain got so sanitised reading the books (that truthfully only lasted while actually reading) that I fell through the floor when this honest to goodness direct reference to sex came up. Either Stephenie was feeling really racy when she was writing that day or (as I prefer to believe) someone sabotaged my book. Bless them.

    • Bea

      I figured this was just the difference between Edward and Bella’s prudishness and Jacob’s average-teenage-boyness. Cause let’s be honest: can you imagine Bella giving the details? No. Jake? Yes.

    • operarose

      wait a second, how did I miss that in BD? What page was that on?!

      LOL, that is such an unsophisticated, young male thing to say. I love Jacob.

    • toooldforthis

      I remember that line. Vividly. I read it about 20 times trying to figure out if it meant what I thought it meant.
      Apparently it did.

      • Meredith

        WHere is that in there anyways? I am shocked to not remember it. I think I need to read BD tonight, although planning on seeing Eclipse again

  • Just me

    Fade to sad is SO much better than Fade to Shaft. UC – you just proved it irrevocably.

    Fanfic is where to go for the sexytimes and even then some of it gets a little cringeworthy. I don’t think its a coincidence that I thoroughly loved “An introduction to Swirl and Daisy” which doesn’t even need to fade to black as they’re still only chaste kissing.

    And then I got thinking, remember back to high school or whenever you started fooling around – isn’t the anticipation almost always better than the reality?

    I would however prefer a non-Fade to Black on the rest of the interview with Steph please….

    • Ish

      Please Please that HAS to be a t shirt. *Fade to shaft*. I will buy three

      • delilah439

        You can do it in mathematical lingo:
        fade to sad > fade to shaft
        excellent!

  • http://www.twitter.com/antisocialangel fangbanger

    HAHAHAHHAHAHA! You keel me.

    But seriously, stop saying shaft.

    I read a fanfic version of Isle Esme once. I THINK I was supposed to find it uhmazing and awesome, but it was just nasty and disturbing.

    I only want to read about the Hockey playing version of Edward Cullen’s monstercock. For real.

    (That sounds like his *ahem* plays hockey. That’s not the case… I don’t think.)

    Anyway, I just don’t want to read about Edward, the perfect, virginal, stalkerlike vampire getting his freak on. That’s like… eww.

    • http://mainericefamily.blogspot.com no cool name

      Let me point out that SM couldn’t really do anything BUT fade to black – she’s got standards. Go girl.
      UC, glad to see you haven’t perished in the heat in Philly. It’s hotter than Jacob here in Maine but I hear it’s hotter than Edward where you are.

      • http://mainericefamily.blogspot.com no cool name

        Oops, meant this as a new comment, not reply. Sorry fangbanger.

  • Stacey

    Let’s think about this for a second here. You have two virgins, temporarily forgetting Eddie’s a vampire. You have poor Bells getting flighty advise from Renee. Then Edward’s getting conflicting advice from Carlisle and Emmett.

    Carlisle:” Be gentle, respect her needs…blah, blah, blah”
    Emmitt:Can’t even go there. Just dirty.

    Fade to black is probably the best thing. There would lots of fumbandy. “Where does that thing go?” I would rather not revisit those memories.

    Fade to black= More romantic (Well maybe not all the bruises, silly virgins)

    • raven

      Was I the only one who thought the bruises were kinda hot?

      • rpisthenewps

        I was turned on by the bruises also. So wrong, but true.

    • Stacey

      “fumbandy”? I meant “fumbling”! Stupid iPhone!

      • eatmyjorts

        Aw! I thought fumbandy was some fantastic word I’d never heard of & you tell me it’s a mistake….or is it a word that just your phone knows…hmmmm…GOOGLE IT!

        • eatmyjorts

          No, Google knows it not. Sigh.

        • Stacey

          Then maybe it should be a word, a very special word, about what proper Victorian era boys do, like Edward. After reading words like, “shaft”,”moist” and “organ” here all day, I think we need a brand new Edward approved term. What it actually means it’s all up to your imagination or Steve Jobs cause it’s his crazy phone making up words.

  • blackgirltwihard

    Sometimes I really want to know what Eddie-Poo was actually “doing” when he broke the headboard. Also, I want to know why was Bella “occupied” or whatever (can’t remember the exact words) but was she pulling a Ginuine “My pony” or was she “finishing” …you would think being 32 with 3 kids I would know, but I wish we could have been given a little more.

    I guess she is leaving it to the imagination, which don’t get me wrong, that is a good thing (and BD is MY FAVORITE BOOK of the 4) but some of the innuendos I didn’t get what she wanted us to think they were doing…P.S. I have never read ANY fan fiction…feels adulterous to me….

  • Chocoholic

    This post is hilarious, but I do want to make a point. Sex scenes CAN be done well….it’s just not easy. In the fanfiction realm, anything by Lolashoes comes to mind. That woman’s smut is like art….really beautiful. In real books, the sex scene in Atonement comes to mind. The author describes the sex completely in metaphorical terms, and yet it is still one of the most sensual things I’ve ever read.

    That said, I think the fade to black works for twilight. It definitely left me wanting more, but that unresolved sexual tension is really the draw of the books. Plus fanfiction can fill in the blanks while leaving the purity of the novels intact–win/win!

    • Robjunkie

      Lolashoes Rocks!

    • Brooke Lockart

      GROSS

      Lolashoes is such a perv!!!

      Stephenie’s head would explode if they were ever near each other

      …..

      Heh

      • LolaShoes

        PRUDE.

        Just embrace your inner perv, Brookie. I know you re-read LYLS when you’re alone and sweating in your bedroom because it’s 115 out. You can’t lie to your Lo.

        • http://letterstotwilight.com themoonisdown

          hi lola! you are approved to comment now. and and write me some alice/jasper.

          ps im demanding sometimes.

        • Brooke Lockart

          <3 you lots

    • LolaShoes

      And THANK YOU chocoholic. You’re a sweetie.

      • Chocoholic

        OMG is that really you, Lola??? **Squee!** My Yes/My No is one of my favorite fanfics ever! :) :)
        Okay, okay, I will stop the fangirl silliness!

    • raven4mi

      OK, so I’m new to this site and I’m totally going to hang out with you chicks WAY more often now, cuz I just had my first glimpse of LolaShoes’ fanfic and – Oh. My. God. (Thanks, Lola! And Mr. Raven will be thanking you later, too, I’m sure. ;)

      I can’t quite wrap my head around some of the, er….”terminology” used in the fan fic – can’t really see the virginal first-timers Edward and Bella going there. But that sure as hell doesn’t stop me from reading it. Heh heh.

  • Sj

    Ok, if I threaten to bring up a certain snail (oops just did) will that make everyone stop saying ‘shaft’ and *euuugh* ‘quivering member’?

    • eatmyjorts

      Yes, yes, for the love of all things Twilight do not mention that again. Please.

    • https://twitter.com/kandnandb kandnandb

      I’ve been having sex for *cough*awhilenow*cough* and the “member” has never quivered. Am I doing something wrong? Throbbing maybe…but that also might have just been my head the next morning after the ill-advised 5th shot.

  • Lovintherain

    I am out of town a ridiculously intense training for work right now…and I just have to tell you that this post made my week! So, so, funny! Thank you!!

  • Robjunkie

    “way of the shaft.” I am DIED.

    The fade to black was a major letdown whilst reading the book, but it really did serve to heighten the sexual tension in quite a delicious way. And it was absolutely right for the books. I guess for teens it’s okay to leave it at that, and be satisfied. But there is no way us dirty hoors older fans could be satisfied to be left hanging like that. And thank the lucky stars for fanfic (sorry Stephenie, I know you don’t particulary like the concept of fanfic, but some of them are sooooo good.) That said, if I see so much as a throbbing shaft or a quivering member, I ain’t reading it.

  • chochang

    i think, somewhere in phoenix (or LA or wherever), stephenie just had an aneurysm.

  • Midnight_Cyn

    Thinking about this now…I think I prefer “Fade to black”…ducks…only b/c I would rather “come to my own conclusion (twss)..case in point..nothing more romantic/sexy than the scene from Ghost when Patrick Swayze (rip) & Demi Moore..did nothing more than play in the clay and fade to black leaving us “knowing yet not knowing” and left the rest to our own imagination…swoon..
    As OLD as I am..I have seen “enough” in movies/tv etc., to know that usually when they show too much…its disapointing to say the least..never living up to expectation..so I would rather rely on my own “creative” mind..lol…I mean look at how everyone commented on the lack of appeal with some of the making out scenes in NM..wrong camera angles/shoulders etc., Not “done” correctly it can “ruin the moment” so to speak..better to leave it to the imagination especially within the minds of the ladies on LTT!!!

  • Ang

    I’ve always been cool with the fade to black. I like my own mental images in those moments. It’s like in the movies, sometimes I am glad that a favorite book scene (bloodtyping in Twilight and hallway in New Moon) is left out because my mental images of those moments remain intact.

  • Anna

    Fade to black frustrated me like nothing else on earth… however, “shaft” doesn’t really do it for me either, but just to be sure, let me do some, um, investigating and get back to you. *goes off to find Rob*

  • michelle

    Today was the day I shuddered that my 3yr old can read! I was laughing so hard I got up to get a tissue and when I came back to the computer I got

    MOMMY WHAT’S A SHAFT? OMG!

    But I couldn’t help it I just laughed harder and told her they were talking about cars, OH PLEASE don’t let her mention this to daddy when he calls today, he already thinks I’m loosing it getting all excited telling him I wanna see #leghitch in the movie!

    Thanks for my daily laugh I love the fade to black, I have a pretty vivid imagination to fill in the blanks!

  • Stacey

    I might have to break down and check out this fanfic, if just for a laugh!

    I am, disturbingly thinking about the Twilight inspired pornos. I will not be watching those and want the thought out of my head. Of course, the porn inspired music playing while I am on hold with the phone company isn’t helping.

  • dazzledtodeath

    The fade to black was appropriate for a Y/A novel, but a sex scene can be written w/o words that make you cringe and roll your eyes.

    Sebastien Robichaud does a great job in The University of Edward Masen. Not explicit, but sexy as hell.

  • dazzledtodeath

    I read them awhile ago, but if I remember correctly the Southern Vampire Mystery books aren’t really explicit, but you get the point.

    And many novels ( the kind that are available in hardback and don’t have Fabio on the cover) do tasteful but hot sex scenes.

    • Stacey

      The Sookie Stackhouse/True Blood books are a little more explicit. I figure that’s the adult books and Twilight is the YA, so I really don’t mind the Fade to Black aspect. That and I realize that my daughter will be reading Twilight someday and I just can’t deal with the thought of her reading about sexytimes in books. Luckily, she’s only three, so I have some time to deal with it.

      • snowwhitedrifted

        ooooh, I just started that series. I like it too!!!!

  • snowwhitedrifted

    I just started the Sookie Stackhouse/ True Blood books. Sexy sex scenes without the uncomfortable mentioning of throbbing erec … you get the idea (maybe that’s later in the series, I’m only on book2). Lines like, “Yes, but there is a juicy artery in your groin”, is sinister and hot with out the graphic details. I have to admit, I get a little skeeved out by specific anatomical descriptions in fan fic. I like the lead up, and the finale, just not the specific physical descriptions, of, say, …sacks or labia.
    That being said, my friend just rec’d the Sleeping Beauty Novels by Anne rice, which I hear are hot but.. ummm, disturbing?

    • Stacey

      They pretty much continue on that way. If you are liking what you are reading now then you’ll like the later books too. I find the tv show even more graphic than the books! I’m reading the latest Sookie Stackhouse now. Let me know what you think.

      Couldn’t do the Anne Rice Sleeping Beauty books. Too much for this girl.

    • https://twitter.com/kandnandb kandnandb

      I get a little weirded out too by certain terms for body parts-clit being the worst. I hosted a sex toy party and the hostess (who is also a friend) kept saying clit. I finally said I hate that word and she asked what I wanted to say. My suggestion was love button. (thanks to ff for that-I think it might have been from High Anxiety but I read so much I can’t keep them straight). I get weirded out sometimes by slang but then I read a few books (by the same author) where I thought I picked up a medical textbook by mistake-labia, vagina, penis, etc. I’m just never happy, I guess!

  • The Old One

    So interesting, after reading the comments, that most feel the Fade to Black is probably for the best, especially after UC’s graphic illlustration of how bad it could have been . . . Thanks for that, UC!

    I just knew Stephenie had to have thought out ALL the details of every “almost” scene in all four books in order to have written the sexual tension the way she did. My estimation of her as a writer has only gone up as I realize how carefully put together the sexytimes are–enough but not too much–as frustrating as it is to us old and bored married types.

  • raven

    My husband and I had a discussion about actual paper books vs. fanfic the other day. He was insinuating that was I reading those corset ripping books with the couples in various stages of undress on the cover. I got all offended and said that I would NEVER read a book like that. Then he says, “So wait, those books you read on the computer, the ones you delete from the browser history so I won’t know about them? If they were published and sold in stores, what would their covers look like?”

  • operarose

    It’s like anything else: all good things in moderation. A little bit of the world’s finest wine or champagne is going to be delicious. Too much and you’ll get sick and puke.

    I think it’s good fun to joke around that we don’t want the fade to black scenes in the books, but in all seriousness most of us do.

    I have never read a beautiful, tasteful, truly enjoyable sex scene in a book. Most of the time, one second you’re reading a great book the next you have way too much information and it ends up being a turnoff, mainly because an author’s idea of a romantic sex scene is probably not going to be the same as yours. If you’re out to read smut and are in it for the ride (no pun intended), it’s one thing. But I, at least, did not read Twilight expecting a graphic romance scene.

    Less really is more. The leghitch scene and the part where Bella sees Edward standing in the water on Isle Esme are two of the sexiest scenes I’d ever read in a book. (And for good measure, the scene where Bella kisses Jacob and can “see” her future with him, although that’s another story and I know many of you will disagree…) And they would not have been nearly as memorable or as hot, at least to me, had they been followed by graphic, mechanical details.

    • JustGoWithIt

      Right, I have read romance that included sex a few times. One scene in Outlander, Jaime is screwing Claire so hard it feels like it is pummeling her insides (description goes one). I am certain someone out there finds that hot, not me. Turned me off completely.

  • obird

    I agree….while ffic is nice and all….yep, Janetrigs I said it (love me through it) …I don’t want it in the book Breaking Dawn. It just doesn’t fit the style of the book or the writing. Also, someone who wears khaki skirts and gets it on a top gold brocade bedding would never say the word SHAFT. Truth.

    Sticking with the Fade to Sad,

    Obird :)

    • Meredith

      I agree. Suggestion is everything and I wouldn’t want to feel like I was watching porn, all the more if they really are a couple.

  • Midnight_Cyn

    HEyyyyy…..I forgot to share some exciting news!!! Someone (I have yet to figure out who) sent me the WHOLE Twilight Series Audio books!!!! So I am trying to “listen” to them with all the free time I have. So far, “the words” aren’t staying in my memory any more than the written words did but I am also not able to make notes like I did with Twilight, but hopefully by repeating over and over something might stick..but at least I get to hear the stories and if ya’ll are talking about something I can try and find it, listen and comment!!! I am so excited!! So I had to share with my BFF’s beforer I forget (again)…LOL..

  • Liz

    First off, HILARIOUS. Second, “fade to shaft” does in fact need to be a t-shirt.

    I really could have used a little more spice in the “romantic” scenes, but then again, I don’t read too much YA fiction. I thought it was appropriate for the technical target genre, even though half of us who read them are well over that age. ;D

    However, if you do want steamy scenes that aren’t vulgar and use the dreaded ‘s’ word, I’d totally recommend the Outlander series by Diana Gabaldon. HOT.

    • Luludee

      DUDE

      The Outlander series, is a-fraking-mazing. I LOVE IT!!
      And yes, the scenes in it are super hot. Specifically in Outlander and Dragonfly in Amber.
      I noticed that she’s sort of backed off of the smexy times in the last two books. There was almost nothing in An Echo in the Bone. Which was fine, because the stories are amazing.

  • Luludee

    I like the fade to sad. I think all the Austin-ish longing was way more appealing than no fade at all. And as many have already stated, it wouldn’t be the same story or characters if there had been no fade.

    I’m with Fangbanger. I don’t think I really want to know what was going on (even though I have read some FF).
    Edward is a gentleman and he would never give all the deets on his special times with Bella. And neither of them would ever use the words used in FF.

    • The Old One

      Right there you mention a little peeve of mine. The fanfics that want to portray E and B’s characters true to the books, but then have them say words like “shaft”. No. Just no. I like the ones where they are virginal and fumbling.

      Not to say I haven’t read just about anything that has two characters with the names Edward and Bella in all kinds of circumstances, but that’s different, if they’re not trying to be “canon”.

  • https://twitter.com/kandnandb kandnandb

    I like to make fun of the books for their chasteness but after reading your foray into the world of Harlequin romances, I think I’ll stick with fade to black (no offense to your writing skills, of course-iced tea came out of my nose so that’s always a good thing). While I spend lots of time fantasizing about how sex w/ Robward would be, it’s kind of like that time of your life when you realize that the cute boy you’re crushing on picks his nose & farts-you realize he’s not perfect. Sure, I know Edward’s got a shaft but that doesn’t necessarily mean I want details about it. I have to maintain some illusion b/c I idealize him so much.

    Plus, if Stephenie included “shaft & wet center” scenes, what would I read on my phone, huddled under the covers early in the morning while everyone else is asleep?

  • YeahIGuessIam

    Anyone ever read Atonement by Ian McEwan? Remember the part with Robbie and Cecilia in the library??? If so then you know it is absolutely possible to write an incredible, amazing sex scene without using any cringeworthy phrases and without cheapening the moment at all. Alas Stephenie Meyer is no Ian McEwan (nor has she ever claimed to be) so I reluctantly accept the fade to sad.

    I guess all I’m saying is that there is a huge swath of tasteful, literary possibilities between the “fade to black” and “turn the book into a harlequin romance/porn/fanfic.”

    • https://twitter.com/kandnandb kandnandb

      Yes, that library scene was beautiful & hot. (And the movie-*swoon*) I found it a little amazing that a man wrote that since I tend to think that men are much more visceral in their thinking (visceral meaning words like shaft, balls, ram, pound, tits, etc) but McEwan made it amazing. Exactly-no cheapening but also no cringing.

    • Chocoholic

      So funny, I mentioned that exact same scene in my comment above! That scene is extraordinarily well-written and intensely sensual, but not cheesy at all. Of course, that entire book is amazing….I think it is some of the best prose I have ever read.

  • 3hboyshouse

    Wow! So I have not commented for a bit, (when does school start again!) but you just had to bring me back into it with the “Shaft” TWSS! I love you!

    And yes UC Isle Esme has been acted out in at least one AZ pool!

  • Bella_NaA

    That last quote made me spit all over my screen! And I wasn’t even drinking anything… (on second thought, ew! *runs for kleenex*)

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