What if Twilight didn’t Fade to Sad?

Dear Twilight hornballs,

When Moon & I gave Stephenie her LTT gifts after our big interview, she opened up the notebook that said “Fade to Black Sad” on the front (inside contained a private, REAL “letter To Stephenie” (sneak peek: “We love you more than Robsteners love the idea of Rob & K getting it on on a bear skin rug in front of a fire”)) she said (I’m paraphrasing), “I’m sorry guys- I just can’t write what really happens! I have kids- I can’t read that to them” (She DOES read her books to her kids! AW- “Mommy- what’s a leg hitch?” “Come here, Pancho, let’s show them how it’s done”) And I responded (paraphrasing)- “WE HATE YOU SO MUCH We understand. As much as we want to know the details that exist in YOUR magnificent brain, if you were really specific your story would end up on the shelf next to those books with Fabio on the cover.”

And it’s true. Can you imagine if Breaking Dawn DIDN’T “fade to black?” I mean, isn’t the sexual tension and the non-sex what keeps the story going at times? As much as I love reading a little sexytimes story to pick up new tips- I’m sorry- any story that says “shaft” isn’t one I feel I can proudly show on my bookshelf. Here I’ll prove it:

He stood, his back to me, waist deep in the midnight water, staring up at the oval moon. The pallid light of the moon turned his skin a perfect white, like the sand, like the moon itself, and made his wet hair black as the ocean…The water was so clear, I swear I could make out the entirety of his shaft.

How’s that for a description? Don’t you wish included more details like that? Here’s another:

I slipped the towel off without hesitation, leaving it on the tree with his clothes, and walked out into the white light; it made me pale as the snowy sand too… I stepped in, walking carefully across the invisible ocean floor, but my care was unnecessary; the sand continued perfectly smooth, sloping gently toward Edward. I waded through the weightless current till I was at his side, and then I placed my hand lightly over his cool hand lying in the water…”Bella touch my shaft” he whispered.

RobioDamn I’m all hot and having visions of Edward as Fabio right now.  It CAN believe it’s butter, baby….

I was talking to @Brookelockart about this very topic & she said she doesn’t necessarily wish for lemons, but she would like a little lemon zest from time to time. I think she means something a little bit like this:

He shuddered the tiniest bit at my warm touch. His breath came rougher now. “I promised we would try,” he whispered, suddenly tense. “If… if I do anything wrong, if I hurt you, you must tell me at once…” At that moment I had such a wet center that all I could think of was his throbbing member.

Now THAT’S the story I always wanted. Don’t want me to stop!? Okay:

“Don’t be afraid,” I murmured. “We belong together.” I was abruptly overwhelmed by the truth of my own words. And by the heat radiating from my wet sex. This moment was so perfect, so right, there was no way to doubt it.

NOW the story is perfect!!! Actually, if you did think my addition to the quotes added an element to the story you were really missing, it’s probably time you donate your stack of $3.99 paperbacks from Wal-mart to a local dumpster. Maybe we want to know MORE of what happened, but have you ever read a book that’s delivered the goods without going the ‘way of the shaft?’ I’ve read some HOT book sex scenes. I remember story time at the beach while on vacation with friends when ItalianGirl read a scene out loud of sex & cigarettes while riding horseback. It was GREAT- but the word “Shaft” was used like 120 times. Seriously. We get it. The dude has a big one. You liked it, female protagonist.

Isn’t the “fade to sad” why we love the #LegHitch so much!? It’s something FINALLY worthy of interest for those 14 or older that goes down between Edward & Bella. And we hold our breath and wait while Edward’s hand trails down Bella’s calf and under her knee to pull up her leg and hitch it around his hip. SQUEE! As (mostly) grown, experienced women, that sort of stuff shouldn’t excite us the way it does. But it DOES. And I’m so glad. It reminds me of my innocence so long gone. And while I want more- and REALLY want to know what happens in Stephenie’s mind (There’s a pool in Arizona that had Isle Esme acted out in its entirety I’m SURE!) if the options are “Fade to Sad” vs “Fade to Shaft…” wellllll, I guess I’ll take sad.

His arms wrapped around mine, holding me against him, summer and winter. It felt like every nerve ending in my body was a live wire. “Forever,” he agreed, and then pulled us gently into the deeper water. And onto his shaft.

Sorry! Couldn’t resist!


PS: I asked for Mr. Choice to suggest “non-perverse but totally gross sex words” to help me with this letter & while I appreciated his desire to help….. well, no… I did not use his suggestions!

So what do you think? Ever read a non-shaft-mentioning sex story that WASN’T worthy of Fabio on the cover? Think Breaking Dawn could have added a bit more details and stayed the way of the Twilight Saga- innocent yet filled with sexual tension? How upset WERE you that Breaking Dawn ended up “Fading to Sad?”

Did you know we sell “Fade to Sad” Stuff in our LTT_LTR store! Fade to Sad today!!!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

  • Twi-Mom (not like on “O”)


    • Twi-Mom (not like on “O”)

      Sorry, I have no clue what this is!!!

  • Twi-Mom (not like on “O”)

    OME, until I read this today, I thought I wanted more from the “Fade to Black”. Now I can say for sure “HALE NO!!” My imagination did just fine and even at my age, 30+, I just don’t have the maturity to read the words saft etc with out laughing. It sounds like a cheesy p0rn0. So I am now creating my own team, Team Fade to Black. Anyone else want to join me?

    • Team Fade to Black now has at least two members (awwwww…not THAT kind of member….!).

      • Twi Mom (not like on “O”)

        NCN thanks for the support. We like those “Members” but we just don’t speak of them!!

        I could not even type that word with out making a yuck face.

  • snowwhitedrifted

    Ohhh- moviewise- Huge Fade to Sad but sooo Yummmy!

    The English Patient.
    The Christmas scene when he unzips the side of her dress. *dies*

  • Milan

    I think “fade to sad” is indeed sad. I mean.. it would have been really awesome if Stephanie Meyer had maybe described his “shaft”. Mostly because, in the book, every time Bella looked at Edward she spend at least like two paragraphs… maybe three, staring and marveling at his (ahem) beauty. And maybe the tension would have given the female readers a wet center considering how absolutely delicious and drool-worthy Edward is. 😀
    Alas, only Bella got all the fun and we were left high and dry!

  • oh sweet jesus uc… im now thinking of all the dudes who read this. #yousaidshaft

    • Brooke Lockart

      We should have told them earmuffs for the entire post.

      • eatmyjorts

        Haha you said muff. How is that going to help?

  • JustGoWithIt

    Funny, I am re-reading Breaking Dawn right now and just finished that part. The first read I was a tad disappointed with the lack of details, but not the second read. I think it could safely had more of her usual descriptions of hair grabbing and heavy breathing (hilarious to picture always). To quote my mom “does this woman think this is how people make out?” (as she read them at a fevered pace). I liked the hint of the grotesque with all the bruising and feathers.

  • JustGoWithIt

    Side note: I went to bed the other night in just boy shorts (it is so hot right now, I usually wear pjs), and had dreams all night that that I was a member of the wolf pack.

  • IPreferPaul

    SM really has to stick with the fade to black. Not to mention, with those flat front pants Rob seems fond of, I’m not sure he could act a part that required a shaft.

    If you want to see what happens when you try the other way, read a Black Dagger Brotherhood book. Now that’s vampire p0rn.

  • Elliebelle

    I’m going to see Eclipse at the drive in with my husband.
    Good thing I’ve already seen it. Fade to black…..

  • Dawn

    You guys are so great! I do love how the book leaves the rest of the sex scenes to your imagination. They are my favorite parts of Breaking Dawn. I am a grown woman (physically (31), not mentally) and I can’t seem to get enough of this kind of stuff. It does remind me of times when I was a teenager. If only things could be like that again.

  • Rob’s flaming dashboard

    I love India Knight’s style. I guess she’s got experience with English men. But “spasticated ride” is making me nervous. I fear my future Rob dreams may have annihilated.

  • delilah439

    FYI, my friend and I went to see Eclipse again tonight (second time!) and I made her read this post while we were waiting. So throughout the whole movie we kept inserting “his shaft” and “on my shaft” after all of the dialogue. Like the “in bed” fortune cookie thing. It was excellent….
    “Dont worry Edward, Im just going for a ride” “ON HIS SHAFT”
    try it, you’ll like it 🙂 🙂 🙂

  • FadetoGrey?

    Buckets of blood spewing from Bella is somehow NOT too graphic but FadetoBlack is the only acceptable?
    Sooo not buying the- ‘it’s YA so there can’t be anything too explicit’, when there are cesarians by teeth in vivid description.
    The heart-palpitating-tease is definitely a big part of my love for the saga but I’ve read lit that has more ‘zest’ to flip the pages back to than BD and still stays YA…
    Gone w/ the Wind gave me the same flutterings as a teen and it is totally G-rated, while books like ‘Go Ask Alice’ are totally YA(checked it out from my hs library) and filled w/ drugs and smut.
    I just wish it had faded to grey after a little heavy kissing and soft caressing- even if it required a delicate line to be walked.

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