Open Post: Call us Team Switzerland
Here’s what we’ve learned when it comes to Kristen Stewart: You either LOVE her, or HATE her. But we’ve discovered the secret to blogging about her while avoiding death threats being sent via misspelled tweets. Although, I’m not sure we want to avoid those… Haven’t you noticed by now we love a little drama? It’s too fun when the crazies come out of their lairs. So, anyway, this weekend we’re bringing you a K-Stew lova’ and a hata.’ Just call us TEAM SWITZERLAND!
Confessions of a Stewlaholic
I’m finally coming out of the closet and admitting – I am a major Stew-aholic. I have admitted defeat and realised that I am in the minority but I cannot hold it in any longer – Kristen Stewart makes me question my sexuality. During the course of this fan letter I will talk you through the stages of my apparent Stewsession (see what I did there?!)
It’s November 20th 2008 and I find myself sat in a slightly crowded cinema screen with my sister. The God that is Sir Robert Pattinson graces the screen and I find myself head over heels in love with this beautiful, beautiful man. Bella blinks and breathes quite a bit. Two hours later and after a lot of swooning, I leave the cinema screen knowing that this is only the beginning, that HHH will be occupying my thoughts, computer screen and walls for a long while to come. Twilight was an intoxicating experience for me, not having read the books, and naturally Edward was more of a focal point for me than Bella was. And then came the books . . .
Stage 2 – Getting to Know One Another
Naturally, about a day later I found myself purchasing all four books, then proceeding to read all four within one weekend. Bella was a nice companion to read with, she had an understandable teenage girls mind that I felt I could relate to myself, since we’re both ridiculously level-headed and mature for our age. And then I read the series again . . . and again, and my books became more and more tattered as I read nothing but them. I soon found myself entranced by the characters, in particular Bella & Edward, so took to the internet to do a spot of light reading . . .
So after a few minutes of googling I find myself useful sites such as www.bellasdiary.com & www.team-twilight.com , which eventually led me to these two wonders, LTT & LTR. The sites open me up to the enigma that is Kristen Stewart, her everyday life and the criticism that surrounds her. A nice 3 week holiday in San Francisco, L.A & Florida later and I return with ‘In The Land Of Women’ on DVD, that I happened to spot by chance in Target and let my curiosity for what she has to offer outside of Bella Swan get the better of me. I must admit, easy-on-the-eyes Adam Brody plays a lead role in making this movie good, but Kristen has the self-conscious teenager role down to a tee, her acting made me admire her even more. So I did what any loyal fan would do and I imdb’d that shit, and as soon as that was done I headed down to my local HMV (yes, that was the music store RobStu were pictured in in London) and bought myself a copy of Panic Room & Into The Wild. (Just to clear up, I did not find her in the slightest bit attractive in Panic Room, I don’t want Chris Hanson on my case . . .)
Stage 4 – Realization
So it was around the beginning of October 2009 (almost a whole year after first laying eyes on KStew) that I realised that I have a big, fat lesbian crush on her (so so tempted to quote Mean Girls then..) and nobody can help me now. I’m not in the slightest bit ashamed to admit that the folder entitled “Kristen Stewart” holds more than 80 more pictures than the one called “Robert Pattinson”, (bring on the “wtf’s?!”!).
Now my daily internet time is mainly spent reading about whatever news my 3 main sites have to offer me on Kristen Stewart.
Being the make-up junkie that I am, I select a picture at random of her everyday and try to replicate her eye make-up since it is always seemingly flawless. I spent a sick day in bed perusing the internet and managed to watch her on Jay Leno three times because I found her so adorable. I’ve based my Art GCSE final piece on her public image and the criticism she receives from the media for her acting. I wrote an essay about her in my English class. And after writing this letter I really do think I have the potential to be a lesbian… Plus she has the most enviable pair of legs I think I have ever laid eyes on.
(Apologies for the over usage of brackets and ellipsis in this letter! They’re like my own personal brand of “irrevocably” and “smooth contours of Edwards chest”).
Lovin’ me some Stewie 2k10,
Team No-Stew after the jump!
The Non-Fan letter
I know I am supposed to write something nice about Twilight here, but I have something to say to you! Yeah, you!
Why do you hate me?! You are my closest friend, my family, still my enemy! The reason? I don’t like Kristen Stewart. Now it’s out, I’ve said it and am cowering in my bed waiting for the lovers to come and get my head… I don’t know why I deserve punishment, though.
I can dislike Nikki for not being the blonde type and therefore not being the perfect Rosalie. I can dislike Ashley for taking private photos for her boyfriend some years ago. But I can’t dislike Kristen.
I don’t like her. Her acting in Twilight was far from good, I just don’t count two facial expressions as a great performance. I don’t like her cause she rarely laughs, she looks pissed off 70% percent of the time. I don’t like that she can’t stay in a dress and heels for two hours at an official after party while all the other girls just live through it (yeah, I bet they have so much more fun in those death traps). I don’t know her and never will. I don’t know what she really thinks when she looks like everything around her grates on her nerves, but I don’t know Rob either, still I love him and I never have to explain myself in that case!
I know you don’t like critical opinions. Everything is perfect, may it be that awful haircut Esme had in New Moon or the cheesy scene in the woods in Twilight. To bluntly say “IT’S NOT GOOD” is not well received. I get that. Sometimes there are brave people who just say [it] out loud what they think, not caring if their heads could roll. And then everybody’s relieved and finally able to nod their head… Not so with Kristen.
I always have to explain or defend myself in her case. I always can feel the hate when I say that I don’t like her, that I don’t think she’s the best actress, the most beautiful girl, the best dressed woman and the most charming person in this universe. I’m a hater then. I’m told to tone it down.
Why can others run whole blogs about how totes awesome and perfect for Rob she is, but I’m not allowed to say: “Excuse me, but I don’t think so!” We all know what happens then… Why do I have to argue with people about the reason? Why do I have to watch videos then where she smiles once and says something nice to a fan?
Dear fandom I want my freedom back, the freedom to say I JUST DON’T LIKE THAT GIRL.
Image sources*: Googled “Krisbian” and went to Facebook and found ” I hate Kristen” and “Team Krisbian” pages. Thank them for all the brilliancy and also try that sometime. It’s the best hobby EVER to find pro-Kristen & anti-Kristen pictures.
Do I really need to guide you in a discussion this weekend? Isn’t it obvious what you’re supposed to do? Find the best Krisbian and anti-Kristen images & videos EVER and post them in the comments, of course!