Let me tell you a quick story before today’s real letter. Once upon a time UC was a college student at a small Christian Liberal arts school in Indiana. One night she boarded a plane to Philadelphia from Indianapolis and was seated with a fellow classmate whom she had never met before. They hit it off & promised to stay in touch. I believe there was maybe a hello from across the Dining Commons once they returned to school, but soon UC transferred to a different school and all promises were forgotten. Flash forward many years… UC graduated, UC got married, UC adopted 2 cats, UC fell for this thing called Twilight and this is where we pick up the story:
One day after a lively discussion of Twilight & Religion and after tweeting the tales of wearing one’s Christian Twilight T-shirt to Wal-mart, UC received an email from someone claiming she attending that very same small Christian school in Indiana. They exchanged pleasantries via email, discussed their love for the local ice cream shop near campus & tried to find out if they had any friends in common. Then the LTT reader mentioned something she called “random.” She remembered sitting next to a girl on a plane with the same name as UC on a flight to Philadelphia. Were that girl & UC perhaps one in the same? A lightbulb went off in UC’s head- she pictured this LTT reader EXACTLY and all the promises they made to keep in touch after that one fateful plane ride. And the rest is history. One small, seemingly unimportant moment back in 2002 was revisited and two lost acquaintances were joined together- all because of Twilight, Letters TO Twilight and probably also a little bit because of Buttcrack Santa (Gah- I miss him).
There IS a point to my, I mean UC, sharing this more than it’s just a fun story about UC’s past…. ThePlaneFriend (as I just now named her) is a writer- a very GOOD writer & in fact has an incredible true life story I’m just betting you’ll see in book form some day (no- she wasn’t Cathy Hardi’s 2nd choice for Bella- good guess though). But for now she’s been writing us LTTs- and good ones. So today for the first time ever and much to the surprise of the 19 & 20 year olds we were when we met years ago- ThePlaneFriend writes her first LTT to someone I’m not sure we’ve EVER written to!
As a fellow mom, let’s level.
In Twilight, I generally thought you were a pretty normal parent—with one glaring exception. It was what? At least 2003, your only daughter was moving in with her dad and you couldn’t cough up enough for a cell phone? Really? (I know you were a teacher and a single parent and all, but I feel like your budget might stretch far enough for a pay-as-you-go phone or something—especially when you were managing to find the money to trot all over the country to join Phil for his baseball games).
I was totally with you for getting annoyed with Bella when she didn’t contact you right after arriving in Forks. My daughter better always call as soon as she arrives someplace—although I plan to lock her up forever after hearing about those insane wolf pack kids from a few posts ago—so she might not ever be going anywhere to have an opportunity to disobey that rule.
I even understand how you’d be a little creeped out by the fantastically gorgeous Edward who won’t leave your daughter’s hospital room once she’s injured. I’m not sure I’d be rooting for my 17-year-old to be overly-involved with a boy that intense. But then again, he’s Edward, so it might be hard for any of us moms to remember that we’re married and not try to steal him away, who knows?
So my real question is, by the middle of New Moon, what happens to you?
Your daughter has been catatonic over this boy leaving her and you’re still just sending her emails that sound like journal entries? C’mon! You still can’t call her?
Then, as we head into Eclipse, Edward is back, you see how he’s possibly even more intense about Bella, and your only comment to your daughter is that you feel like you’re missing some secret in their relationship? You don’t even ask her if she’s doing him or not? (I won’t have to ask this question of my daughter as she will not be mangling pillows/gouging out headboards with anyone but her husband, and maybe not even then). If you do think she’s at it with him, wouldn’t you want to check to make sure she’s being safe so that she doesn’t have a baby right out of high school like you did? Although, as a side note, I’m pretty sure latex wouldn’t hold up against vampire venom, so maybe we can let that one slide.
And I’m pretty sure you shouldn’t even get me started on your behavior in Breaking Dawn. You can’t be pried away from wedding decorations to hang with your kid? Please! Once she’s married, and supposedly has some crazy rare disease, you wait until a few weeks after she’s mending to call (or do you want to claim that Jasper and Alice’s powers suddenly heightened and—from a looong distance—they were able to calm down your mood and control your future decisions? Oh, wait, you don’t know they’re vamps. That excuse won’t work).
I have to say, you’re a very strange sort of mother. I don’t care how young you were when you had Bella…or how much you’re enjoying reclaiming your lost years as a wild newlywed with Phil. In my opinion, you have a lot to answer for. Charlie is clearly the better parent.
A Concerned Mom
So what do you think? In the big debate of Charlie vs Renee (which maybe we had once long ago) Who wins? The Hair-brained mother, whose movie portrayal was clearly mirrored after Cathy Hardi? Or the born-again-virgin who knows how to rock a copstache’ like no other?