Postcards from Bea’s Twilight-less vacation

(Bea writes to Twilight about her well…Twilight-less vacation! Enjoy! XO-moon)

Greetings from Vacation!

Dear Twilight,

I’m nearing the end of a two week vacation, and I miss you.  Less than the husband… but more than the cat.  Is that normal?

“Vacation,” of course, means camping out in my parents’ basement while also visiting the grandparents and in-laws.  The first week was busy busy busy: wedding shower,  family reunion, asking an old friend to be responsible for the baby if the husband and I drop dead, adapting said baby to the three hour time change, convincing grandma that baby does still need a nap at nine months old, shopping for family picture attire, etc.  Even survived said family pictures without being paralyzed by second-hand embarassment (Everybody in solid blue with khakis this time!  Except the redneck wing of the family who will come in green, gray, black, plaid and Hawaiian print! If you’ve visited AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com you have the basic idea).  In any case, I was much to busy to send a postcard to a series of YA books and movies or even miss you unless I saw a particularly fine pair of jorts.

But then week two hit.  Hubby went home, the round of visits to relatives got mundane, baby stopped sleeping like she was hungover and started teething, shopping turned into returns, and the second old friend I saw is in the middle of a very sad divorce.  Altogether less fun.

Bea's trendy baby

I did have a Twi-versation when my sad friend checked out my child’s fangs (top middle teeth aren’t in yet, but side teeth are):

Me: She’s a vampire baby.  Very trendy.
Sad Friend: [snarky snort] Have you read Twilight?
Me: [Guilty pause]  Yeah, I gave in and read them when all my students and their moms were.
SF: I just can’t do it.

Like I said, not terribly fun.  I was shooting for Jacob-esque sunshine but only managed Mike Newton-ish semi-distraction.  At least I didn’t puke on her.

Fold into the equation the fact that at the end of week one I finally got to see Eclipse.  Free babysitting meant that I even got to go with the husband, Unicorn-In-Denial that he is.  So for the first week of vacation, when I did miss you, I got to anticipate seeing you.  When we finally managed to slip away from everything I was near giddy (this was the 19th… was I the very last loyal LTTer to see it?).  We had a great conversation with my mother-in-law on the way out the door:

MIL: What are you going to see?
Unicorn-In-Denial Husband: I can’t tell you, it’s too embarassing.
MIL: Is it “The Last Airbender”?
Me: Nope. [Internal monologue: No, but one of the actors is in both films.  Evidently Jackson's specialty is embarassing movies.]
UIDH: It involves vampires.
MIL: Ah… “the saga continues…”

The movie was fun.  I mocked the wigs, cried at Renee’s scene, fell in love with Charlie again, gagged at the ring and swooned in the meadow (Moon, you were so right about Rob finally becoming Edward in this one!  He almost never looked constipated!).

The kind of postcards I would purchase on vacay

But then tragedy struck.  Husband was in a cranky mood due to work thing unfolding at home and would not rehash the film on the way home despite my prodding.  I had to virtually do the Heimlich Maneuver to get, “It was only mildly entertaining.”  The next day I tried my best friend from college, but she left me hanging with only brief wig commentary.  What fun is a Twi-movie without people to discuss it with???  Must start planning for #pillowbite2011 and what I’m calling #NeedToKnow2012.

In short, vacation has become more like real life here in week two and I didn’t even bring a good book to read.  Instead I brought the baby book to fill in… yeah, like that’s going to happen!  My mom “finished” the one she made about me on her way down to meet the grandbaby this fall.  Like I’m going to do my child’s in real time.

And so, I miss my escape from real life: you, my dear, ridiculous Twilight.   But there is a substantial problem.  No Wi-Fi at the parents’ house.  Which means all internet usage goes through the family computer.  In the middle of the living room.  I snuck in once when the baby had me up but everybody else was sleeping and read the week’s LTT but couldn’t watch videos of Jackson side-talking or listen to Stephenie Meyer sound clips.  And then I had to figure out how to delete items from the browsing history.  Because my little Twi-closet door has opened too far already this trip.  Witness the denial conversation:

Mom: How was the movie?
Me: Pretty lousy.  We went to see this one because everybody said it was way better than the others, but it would still make no sense if you hadn’t read the book. [She's also heard the 'my students wanted me to read it' excuse.]

So now I’m sitting on the back deck, with a glass of wine, watching the sunset and writing you a postcard that has somehow become an epistle.  And my vacation is feeling better again.  Tomorrow morning I’ll sneak back to the family computer and send it off to UC and Moon to do what I can to make their vacations more restful.  I plan to have the New York Times open in another window as my alibi.  If there’s extra time before my dad starts looking over my shoulder I might even get to read LTT.  And then delete it from the history.  Because that’s what normal adults do.

Wish you were here!
Bea

We wish we were there too because then we could talk about Eclipse with you and maybe sneak out to see it again once we trick the MIL to watching the kid again. So how about everyone else do you clear your browsing history every time you leave the computer? Are you still really in the Twilight closet?

While Moon was Gone: DO IT!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTRThe ForumTwitterThe Store

  • Bea

    And then I spent the next-to-last day of vacation with an awful case of stomach flu. Boo. At least I had my mommy to take care of me.
    But then I came home and had the “Eclipse Reality Points” post waiting, which almost made up for not having anybody to rehash the movie with in person. And an e-mail from Moon saying she was posting this, which totally made my day.

  • http://notanaddikt.blogspot.com Bella_NaA

    Poor Bea! I would miss LTT too if I couldn’t check it on vacay. I spent a week abroad for work in may, and the only place we had free internet was in the lobby, so needless to say that’s were ALL my colleagues were all the time. That week I missed Stephenie inviting LTT and then I was confused for days because I thought it was a joke (shame on me).

  • Sue G.

    We went on vacay in July. Only computer was my hubby’s work laptop. I admit I did sneak and read LTT/LTR one night and deleted the history! ;o)

    I just COULDN’T go a whole week not reading! That’s normal, right?

    • eatmyjorts

      Irrevocably normal.

  • ThePlaneFriend

    Bea, I wish I could have indulged in good movie break-down with you–this just makes me sad!

    I, however, am way past the point that deleting a browser history would fool anyone. Even my in-laws know about LTT and my Twi-obsession. They all think I’m crazy. All I can say is, that’s normal.

    • JustGoWithIt

      I don’t bother to try to erase history either. It is not an option on my internet browser options (not a very visible option anyway). I admitted to my Husband that I “even read a Twilight blog”, and he surprised me by not being surprised. He said “that makes sense, you saw Eclipse twice, you do everything else”, and didn’t even bother to poke fun. Go figure.

    • JustGoWithIt

      Side note, while I don’t try to erase the evidence, I also do not have any Twilight topic sites in bookmarks, or in the drop down where other embarrassing sites such as DListed and Perez Hilton live.

    • ChillinWithCullens

      Yah, I never bother deleting the history. If anyone even sees me near a computer they automatically ASSUME (and, um, they’re usually right) that I’m on LTT :)

  • JodieO

    I hope you gave your baby and appropriately trendy vampire name…

    Balthazar
    Connor
    Akasha
    Blade?

    • Bea

      Nope, she got a classic old lady name. Can you imagine a child named Blade? Talk about therapy bills!

  • Befuddled

    I think it’s time you got yourself an iPhone. Then you’ve got yourself acess all the time. I’m currently posting this from bed. That’s normal!

    Of course, I also have my own laptop and desktop, so since hubby has his own computer, there is no reason to hide my Twi-pride.

  • hitc4manynewmoons

    All I’m gonna say is my user name is “hitc…which is abbreviated for hiding in the closet!” I am sooo far in you can’t see my feet…hubby only one to know & he just realized last night I reply on here… he is doing the intervention Saturday!

    *I soooo delete history EVERY TIME! LOL

  • http://mainericefamily.blogspot.com no cool name

    My husband has been aware of my…interest…for some time now, but last night he was really talkative and I ended up sharing more about LTT than ever before, even laughing about some of your screen names (in a good way, b/c they’re funny). Then he asked what my screen name is. Uhhhhh NO WAY. I am NOT TELLING YOU THAT, PAL.

    And yes, I went through a frantic deleting-the-browser-history fit yesterday afternoon when I realized that EVERY YouTube video you’ve watched comes up, not just YouTube.com. (Yes, I am a techno-idiot.) Waaaaay too many Robert Pattinson videos to justify.

    • hitc4manynewmoons

      Ohh that is too funny. I am glad I am ‘normal’ and not alone! I agree DONT TELL HIM UR SCREEN NAME! LOL

    • Bea

      Thankfully, the husband knows… but nobody else needs to!

  • dizzyladybug

    I went on vacation in July, 1 week with no Internet connection at all… Then I found out that the little village had a public library and I sent the boyfriend shopping while I “checked the e-mail” to “see if the any teachers had sent the final grades”.

    At home I have my own laptop that nobody else touches without my consent (meaning without me clearing the Internet history).

    Any other place, let’s just say I have become acquainted with the delete button, and know how to work it fast! And of course the “open something serious window” resource is also pretty handy. ;)

  • Goodgirl goneplaid

    I’ve just returned from a month, that’s right a MONTH(!!!) in interwebs exile! It was pretty useful as a test to my normalcy limits.
    I’ve figured out that my absolute maximum is 17days before I need a fix. I told my hubs I was going to stock up on essentials but really spent 30mins in the back of a fnac perving over shots of Rob and his jitterbug. Awful.
    BUT I would like to thank all those peeps on here who have big’d up The Hunger Games – me loved it, lots!! That and the new XX album saved me from bonkersdom.

  • Midnight_Cyn

    :) making progress..sat up without room spinning like a top now more like 2-3 drinks too many…. Miss you all!

    • JodieO

      HUGS! Miss you, too!

    • http://mainericefamily.blogspot.com no cool name

      Onward and upward! Looking forward to more comments as you improve!

      • Midnight_Cyn

        Will try :) have to sneak on computer…shhhh!

        • snowwhitedrifted

          Hi Cyn, we’re thinking of you!

    • The Old One

      Please take care of yourself and do what you need to do to get back here asap! Miss you!

      • Midnight_Cyn

        MISS ALL OF YOU TOO..keep your eyes open for a Twilight designer helmet… ;)

        • Midnight_Cyn

          p.s. gonna need a lot patience from my friends here…this latest fall has caused more (if thats possible) memory problems….so may need a jumpstart wehn I get back..hopefully its temp. but just wanted to let you know I may strugle alittle more than usual. sorry!

    • TeamJacobEdward

      Room spinning is no fun. :( Get better soon! We miss you

    • kitkat

      Yay Mid Cyn! Get better even faster!

  • lieutenant.twilight

    My family all knows about my completely “normal” twi-obsession… However, no one at work does, and I plan on keeping it that way forever!

  • raven

    I’m not aloooone! I delete my browser history too. Daily. The only problem is, by the time I delete my twilighty blogs and fanfic, it looks like I’ve done nothing but look around on Facebook all day. Sometimes my husband thinks I’m having an affair.

    • hitc4manynewmoons

      OMGOSH…thats whay my hubby said last night when he found out i responded here on the blog (i think he was kinda joking).It went like this:

      HUB- R u replying to someone?
      Me- HUGE BELLA BLUSH…uh yah
      HUB-OMG…I kinda feel embarrassed for you
      Me- (a@*…I was thinking) It’s fun to discuss with people who love Twi and they are super funny…I HAVE to reply!
      HUB-Wait…r u having an affair with a Twilight person (smirking)!
      Me-R u serious…there are only women (I decided to not discuss the Font posts) .
      HUB-LONG PAUSE…(then he gets this kinda smirk) …oohh THAT’S OK!

      *men can be pigs!

    • j9necessary

      OMG soooo glad to hear other people delete their browser history! I thought I was the ONLY one that had to do that! As you may notice (or not) I’m replying to a day old blog because the hubs is home and I can’t indulge in my guilty pleasure! I’m “NORMAL”….yea!!

  • http://www.twitter.com/antisocialangel fangbanger

    Great letter, Bea!

    I delete the history at work… mostly because of twitter. My alter ego must remain hidden.

    I freak out just thinking about it.

    Sheesh.

    But not my home pc, my bf BETTER NOT be trying to spy on me. I’d have to slap him silly.

    PS. The little baby Robert Pattinson with fangs at the bottom of this page just made me crack up! Great advertising! ;)

  • P.S.

    GO INCOGNITO!!! Then you will never have to delete browsing history again!! CTRL+Shift+N. My teenage son taught me this. He does what he can to help me hide my obsession :).

    Thanks for the ‘I think I just imprinted on you’ postcard Bea! I have to admit that I haven’t exactly LOL’ed at LTT for awhile, but that did it!

    • Rob’s flaming dashboard

      Oooh, thanks for the tip. Now, I wonder what my kiddo is hiding from me?

    • TeamJacobEdward

      Niiiice! I love keyboard shortcuts. So going to try that.

      :) thanks

    • ladyofthemeadow

      When do you do that keyshift? I must know… have been in the closet for quite a while about twi!

      • P.S.

        when you get into your google page (or whatever you use), then do the keystroke and it brings up an incognito google page.

        • ladyofthemeadow

          Thanks!!

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  • Robsessedgirl

    Everyone I know knows about my obsession. Heck, I’m proud of it! I say embrace it, love who you are & what makes you you, ’cause it makes you unique!

    • TeamJacobEdward

      Yeah… But even just the little RL people know about my love of Twi they blow it up and turn everything I do or say into something Twi related. I’ll never be able to own a volvo, take a vacation to AZ, WA, AK, Italy. Because since I’d told them they needed to read the books because I loved them, they think that everything I do now must be in some form related to Twi. Like, I’d just recommended and borrowed Water for Elephants to a friend, the first thing she asked (in a condensing voice) was, “you read this because Rob is in the movie they’re making about this book, didn’t you?” No, thank you very much, I’d read the book before I knew they were going to make a movie from it. And I was hard pressed to think of ever mentioning to anyone my Rob love so I didn’t know where the heck that came from.

      Also, if my husband and I end up having another kid (fat chance, but IF), heaven forbid we have a boy because his middle name will almost certainly be Edward. No one will care that it has been a family name on my husband’s side for umpteen generations including my husband. No, they’ll think it was because of Twilight.

      I shudder to think what they would think if they knew the whole of it. Nope. For my own mental well-being, it’s just better this way to not let them know more than absolutely necessary.

      :) Sorry went on a bit of a rant there, huh? lol

      • Robsessedgirl

        I liked that rant haha! In some cases I’m sure it’s better to not go craycray fangirl, but in my case I say to hell with it! Bring on the sparklepeen! Also, if you gave your son Edward as a middle name, that would be all kinds of win. I have a fantasy of having two boys and a girl, they will be named Edward, Bella and Jasper(mayhaps Robert instead of Jasper)

  • SarahG

    Thank goodness for my smartphone! I read LTT on it daily because I don’t want to get questioned at work about the sites I visit. I occasionally miss Twilight when I’m on vacay…then I see someone sporting a messenger bag or “The Light” tshirt and I feel right at home. :)

  • snowwhitedrifted

    That’s funny Bea!
    I loved “vampire baby, how trendy.” and “Evidently Jackson’s specialty is embarassing movies.]”.

    I was on vacation with Mr. Snow and SnowJr. recently. We were at a mountain lake resort. Our cabin had wolf artwork everywhere, which I snickered at but couldn’t make comments (sad). A lot of other woods-y Forks moments occured that I internally laughed at. On the last day, SnowJr. and I were walking around the lake. At the boat rental place were numerous wood sculptures of life-sized bears. I couldn’t hold it back any longer. I loudly exclaimed, “They’re NOT BEARS”. Which of course made Snow jr. giggle and she continued to chant it loudly. “They’re NOT BEARS, “They’re NOT BEARS”. Uh oh, outted by a vocal 3 year old.

    • Bea

      Hahaha! The wolves and bears would have been too much for me! And of course your child outed you. Fortunately, mine can’t talk… yet.

    • JodieO

      “Evidently Jackson’s specialty is embarassing movies.]”

      I loved that, too. My first thought was “She must have seen S. Darko… “

  • Two*Worlds*Collided

    I use my work computer during the week to read LTT. The girls know of my Twilight obsession. At home thats a totally different story, I do not use our home computer, at all. If I need a fix I use my phone.
    The hubby already makes fun of me for reading the books, I don’t need to give him more ammo.

  • http://twitter.com/shleeeigh Shleeeigh

    “I was shooting for Jacob-esque sunshine but only managed Mike Newton-ish semi-distraction.”

    Haha! Great analogy! And one we all understand in an instant, because that’s normal.

  • TeamJacobEdward

    Things have gotten better for me since getting my phone a few months back (finally one with internet). Now I don’t have to diligently delete LTT or the couple other Twi sites I hop on from time to time to see what the latest news is from browsing history. Before had to avoid LTR (hubs doesn’t need to know how much I love Rob) and fanfic (too much explaining) because our home computer holds onto browsing history evidence like vampire venom in a person… Once it’s there it’s there for good and there is no going back unless extreme measures are taken and everything is wiped clean. Then like Bella has to lie about her, “funny looking scar,” I’d have to lie about why the entire internet history, form data, cookies, etc are wiped off the computer or hope the husband doesn’t type a web address that begins with the letter “L” (LTR) or “F” (fanfic).

    Though I have frequent phone fails, I love that I don’t have to be diligent with making sure all evidence is cleaned up. ;)

  • dreamingofforks

    Bea, great post! I have found myself doing the same this summer while visiting various family members. Unfortunately, my husband is not as nice about hiding my obsession. He loves to out me to friends, family, co-workers, etc. and then watch when they make fun with him. A least a most recent reunion with an college friend and her husband started with her being told I was one of the those “Twi-freaks”, but to his dismay ended with an hour breakdown about Eclipse during dinner. He was totally pissed when that backfired on him…LOL.

    • Bea

      Hehe, serves him right!
      My husband doesn’t out me because I can retaliate way too easily… he’s read the saga three times. Just for the fighting parts, of course!

  • bikechick3

    Next vacay, print off some fanfic (don’t worry, more trees will grow back) and keep that hidden somewhere. Just in case. *winks*

  • Cam

    That vampire baby picture is the BEST EVER. You should send it to Summit. Totally looks like Reneesme/Reneesmee/Rennesme to me!

  • dameironfury

    Thanks for posting, Bea! I hate feeling like I have to hide my “normalcy.”

  • Stacey

    Hi everybody! On vacation, officially today! While forced to feed baby upstairs by myself, I can send you this quick iPhone note before I’m discovered. Shh…

    SG jr. found New Moon hidden in our daughter’s suitcase. And said,”Why does she have Harry Potter in here?” I knew I should have just brought WFE, but nope had to be greedy.

    • Lovespelledbackwards

      I brought New Moon when I went on vaca too. Hubby rolled eyes, but said nothing. I don’t think I touched it the whole 2 weeks. It is like my Dumbo feather, I guess. Have a nice vacation!

    • Bea

      I was kind of wondering where you were today :) I love that you hid the book in your daughter’s things… and that the husband called it HP. That was a good giggle for me before bed.

  • kitkat

    I do check LTT when on vacation from relatives’ computers… and then feel guilty and somewhat embarrassed because whenever I check on vacay the letter that day almost always ends up containing info or references I would rather not have my family know I know about.

    That being said, I’m in an airport using free wi-fi so I can check LTT. Normal. Also normal: that when I go to type in the address all I have to hit is “w” and LTT is the first thing to come up. :)

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