Twilight is like a piece of fine art… no really, it is

(Guess what!? We’re STILL Gone Fishin’! So today, Alice_NaA puts on her Tweed and some Angela glasses and lectures us on some Twilight fine art! Enjoy!!)

Dear LTT-ers,

Don’t we all secretly want to blend the Edward Cullen vinyl wall sticker, shower curtain and other sophisticated twinfluences into a gracious background for elegant living? No we don’t, but I don’t have any other fake excuse for the all the silly crap I make in my free time. Unfortunately our home is the reflection of our soul, and I’m not sure Edward would consider ours worth protecting if we act on these primal urges. That’s why I threw some real historical masterpieces into the “Twilightizer,” so we can secretly enjoy our common guilty pleasure, while sedating the inner intellectual in us and no-one under 10 will notice the difference.

I take no responsibility for the following cultural barbarianism.* I just copy/pasted from Wikipedia committed myself to the magnanimous task of consulting one a wide range of media offerings to gather the least boring most significant information.

We’ll start our journey in ancient Greece, 490 to 450 BCE. The early Classic style marks the breakdown of the canonical forms of archaic art and the transition to the greatly expanded vocabulary and expression of the classical moment of the late 5th century. Whatever that may mean. The Discobolus of Myron (aka discus thrower) is a famous lost Greek bronze original, now only known through numerous Roman copies. The moment captured in the statue is an example of rhythmos, harmony and balance. Naturally, as always in Greek athletics, the Discobolus is completely nude (Er, what am I doing in this century again?). His pose is said to be unnatural to a human, and today considered a rather inefficient way to throw the discus. But we all know that that wouldn’t be a problem for our Edward.

16th century Italian polymath, scientist, mathematician, engineer, inventor, anatomist, painter, sculptor, architect, botanist, musician and writer, Leonardo da Vinci, has often been described as the archetype of the Renaissance man, a man whose unquenchable curiosity was equaled only by his powers of invention. He is widely considered to be one of the greatest painters of all time and perhaps the most diversely talented person ever to have lived. And I’m starting to think he wrote his wiki page himself. He’s also the dude who painted the Mona Lisa

In the 14th century, in a little town not far from where I a live, a boy called Jan van Eyck was born. At an older age he starts working as a painter for some rich fellow, who holds his art in extraordinarily high regard. He also made some extra cash by freelancing in his off time, what else is there to do in the era without the interwebs anyway. His work differs from renaissancal stuff by e.g. Leonardo Da vinci (we know him already!) and Michelangelo, by virtue of its willingness to forgo classical idealization in favor of the faithful observation of nature, resulting in remarquably detailed landscapes interiors and atmospherical effects. Also the women of his time really like to pluck their foreheads and bedding, tablecloth and curtains were considered multifunctional items, you can’t google this.. His most famous work is the ‘Adoration of the Mystic Lamb’, which I’ve already seen twice, as it is conveniently located in a cathedral in Flandres. I show you one of his other famous works, The Arnolfini Portrait. Pay attention to the little doggie ;).

Follow the cut for a whole lot more epic artwork

Vincent Willem van Gogh (1853 – 1890) was a Dutch Post-Impressionist painter whose work had a far-reaching influence on 20th century art for its vivid colors and emotional impact. He became buddies with Paul Gauguin (up next) and they travelled and painted together snoooorrrrree. However, their relationship deteriorated. They quarreled fiercely about art; Van Gogh felt an increasing fear that Gauguin was going to desert him as a situation he described as one of “excessive tension” reached its crisis point. Frustrated and ill, Van Gogh confronted Gauguin with a razor blade. now we’re talking. In panic, Van Gogh left their hotel and fled to a local brothel. While there, he cut off the lower part of his left ear lobe. He wrapped the severed tissue in newspaper and gave to a prostitute named Rachel, asking her to “keep this object carefully.” It’s highly likely he used the words ”look after my ear, I left it with you” He suffered from anxiety and increasingly frequent bouts of mental illness (really?) throughout his life, and died largely unknown, at the age of 37, from a self-inflicted gunshot wound. Little appreciated during his lifetime, his fame grew in the years after his death. In his honor I’ll show you his self portrait with the bandaged ear and The Starry Night (yes, from the Don McLean song, my gay colleague has on repeat in the Josh Groban version, *annoyed Alice*) starring creepward.

Eugène Henri Paul Gauguin (7 June 1848 – 8 May 1903) was a leading Post-Impressionist painter. Like his friend Vincent van Gogh, Paul (yes, I said Paul, we are close like that) experienced bouts of depression and at one time attempted suicide. Disappointed with Impressionism, he felt that traditional European painting had become too imitative and lacked symbolic depth. By contrast, the art of Africa and Asia seemed to him full of mystic symbolism and vigour. He sailed to the tropics to escape European civilization and “everything that is artificial and conventional”, where he basically painted a lot of colorful half naked ladies on beaches like haere pape.

Paul Cézanne was a French artist and Post-Impressionist painter whose work can be said to form the bridge between late 19th century Impressionism and the early 20th century’s new line of artistic enquiry, Cubism (Picasso’s thingy). Cézanne’s work demonstrates a mastery of design, colour, composition and draftsmanship. He concentrated on a few subjects and was highly unusual for 19th-century painters in that he was equally proficient in each of these genres: still lifes, portraits, landscapes and studies of bathers. The ‘props’ for his works are still to be found, as he left them, in his studio (atelier), in the suburbs of modern Aix, apart from the bananager, who touring with the 100 monkeys.

Next up is Austrian Symbolist painter Gustav Klimt, whose major works include paintings, murals, sketches, and other art objects. Klimt’s primary subject was the female body and his works are marked by a frank eroticism. Klimt’s ‘Golden Phase’ (many of his paintings from this period used gold leaf) was marked by positive critical reaction and success. His most famous work, The Kiss (1907-1908), is one of his more ‘modest’ works and hence most appropriate to represent SM’s vision of B&E.

Norwegian Symbolist painter Edvard (Norward!) Munch is a printmaker and an important forerunner of expressionistic art. His best-known composition, The Scream, is part of a series The Frieze of Life, in which Munch explored the themes of life, love, fear, death, and melancholy, topics Bella Swan can relate to really well. This particular work was quickly painted in Port Angeles before Edward came to the rescue.

We now present, René François Ghislain Magritte, (1898 – 1967), Belgian surrealist artist and creator of amazingness extraordinaire. We heart him a lot. He became well known for a number of witty and thought-provoking images. The intended goal of his work was to challenge observers’ preconditioned perceptions of reality and force viewers to become hypersensitive to their surroundings. Read more on Son of Man and see the original The Lovers II.

To finish the photoshop bonanza a New York City social activist and street culture artist, who’s made a gazillion dollors on those little bold lined, bright colored creatures that could have been drawn by my unborns, Keith Haring. Meh, I’m just not that big a fan. But it was easy to photoshop. The easy won. Check out the originals here (*Hayley voice*) and here

So I hope you enjoyed this little twiducation time. Don’t forget to do your homework (which is counting the muscles on Marbleward’s body).

– Alice_NaA

Alice you had me at the bananager! What other works of art have a Twilight theme? Care to share?

Only a few more days until Moon is home! YAY! Send in something for While Moon was Gone

Oh and the secret scrambled word from the Crossword yesterday!? “Robsten Lives” of course!

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  • Ish

    WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Bea

    Amazing. I think Charlie van Gogh is my favorite. Or the Cullenfini Portrait. Though Greekward is magnificent…

  • Somebodyelse

    This is awesome, and it gives me the excuse that Twilight is educational. Win.
    Actually, Twilight IS educational- because of UOEM, I impressed my Medieval History lecturer at Uni with my knowledge of Dante’s personal life. Another win xD

    • ChillinWithCullens

      UOEM=best. fanfic. ever.

      • raven

        Yes, yes it is.

  • TeamJacobEdward

    LTT, entertaining yet educational.

    lmao And here I thought those Humanities classes were practically useless. This version is epic! *scrolls back up to look at “little doggie” and marbleward*

  • ChillinWithCullens

    Totally off topic – can I just say how much it makes me smile to see that Big Daddy pic each morning?! Love it!!!!!

    • eatmyjorts

      You are not kidding! Just looking at that man is like being cuddled. Nuzzles in….

      • http://www.twitter.com/KatieShh Katie S

        How bad do you want to hug him? Seriously… Taylor who?

        • Sj

          At least we know he’ll improve with age ;)

  • http://www.twitter.com/antisocialangel fangbanger

    That was magnificent. I think my Art Appreciation class would be much more… appreciated by me now. :)

    Keith Haring is my favoritest but that The Arnolfini Portrait also pwns.

  • alice_av

    I love Greekward!! Creepward is great because I love Van Gogh is one of favorites!!!

    It was a great post really =)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1392450791 TayPattz

    So awesome!! I love the Creepward one! lol!

  • http://www.twitter.com/KatieShh Katie S

    *puts on tweed pencil skirt* This has to be one of the best letters featured here. And the Bananager addition? Holy hell hilarious. I love you girls (and guys) hard.

    • TeamSeth

      Tweed pencil skirt? Tweed just got way sexier.

  • Edible Art ?

    ” look after my ear I left it with you ” I am crying here crying I tell you – more proof that twi can be incorprated into anything !!!

    so funny and so interesting as well I love the educational moments

  • Midnight_Cyn

    Morning everyone…haven’t tried to read the post yet..but the pictures…holy crap..obviously there are alot of people out there worse off than me…lol.. :) xo

    • eatmyjorts

      Hey Cyn! How you doin’? (said in Joey Tribiani voice)

      • Midnight_Cyn

        Slow but steady..okay not so steady still lil wobbly..lol..but headed in the right direction I think? Stressed trying to get ready for son’s wedding next month, hoping to make it down the long aisle upright..:) Most important day and 1st time around a large crowd! Just found out that the guest list is now almost 300!!! They told me 150 Max…I think I will need ALL my LTT BFF’s as “wingman”! Missed you all very much! xoxo

        • http://mainericefamily.blogspot.com no cool name

          Just imagine you’re Bella at the prom and you have Edward there to support you. You’ll do fine. :)

          • Midnight_Cyn

            “Edward there to support you” ….THUD.. :) (Got the Bella part down already! :)

        • eatmyjorts

          Of one thing I am completely certain: any old way you make it down the aisle at your Son’s wedding is going to be just fine with him, & the rest of your kids. No stress required.

          • Midnight_Cyn

            Loves you! xoxo

        • TeamSeth

          I’m so glad you’re back! I wrote you a worried email a bit ago. 300 people is a lot for anyone to handle! I’m sure you’ll be fine. And you went to see New Moon in the theater…you’ve been around crowds!

          • Midnight_Cyn

            Hey TS! I don’t remember getting an email from you but I will check ! Thanks for the vote of confidence! I wish I remembered going to the movie, but even still I didn’t have to talk to anyone! :) I am sure I only had eyes for Eddie! :)

    • http://www.twitter.com/KatieShh Katie S

      Hey Cyndi!!! *hugs*

  • vickyb

    Amazing! I feel smarter and more cultured already…dare I say…klassier?! All those art history classes would have been way more interesting if Alice_NaA had been the professor or Robward had been the nude model in my drawing class instead of the homeless guy, who now that I think about it, may have actually been Butt Crack Santa. Hmmmm.

  • Erica

    Those are really well ‘shopped images. Though I think the Bananager is my favorite, I think because it’s like a “Where’s Waldo”. It was pretty subtle.
    You clearly had fun with this letter.

  • eatmyjorts

    This whole post is utter win! As a Fine Art graduate I approve…

    At first I was a little discombobulated by Discobolus, but was soothed by the Moaner Bella (surely), which is an in character title, & a lot prettier than the real thing. The Klimt Klinch is one I have re-enacted in the woods, but wearing bike leathers, not gold paint….oh the hours of my life I have spent in the company of artists such as these…bT (before Twilight). You may tempt me back to actual culture Alice!

    • TeamSeth

      Moaner Bella made me giggle so hard!

  • Rob’s flaming dashboard

    Love it!

    Awesome Teletubbies sun baby reference.

    If only I had some mad PhotoShop skillz I would get wild with some Damien Hirst, Tracey Emin (Rob in “My Bed”) – and how about some Banksy?

    Didn’t Rob say he was commissioning a piece from his first girlfriend? Anybody want to try and predict what form that might take? “The One That Got Away.”

    • Edible Art ?

      The severed heads of all subsequent girlfriends ! :-) representations of course not the actual real thing I wouldn’t advocate that for arts sake !

  • operarose

    Twilight and art…thud! As someone with B.A. in (super useful) art history, I can truly appreciate this. Seriously, nice letter, very well thought-out!

    I especially appreciate the discusward … actually I did imagine Edward with one of those nice (scantily clad) Greek/Roman statue’s body when I first read Twilight. (Wow that came off as really geeky/weird.)

    A few other possible Twi-arts:
    -Vermeer’s girl with a water pitcher – she’s just waiting for Edward or Jacob to hop into her window!
    – Rembrandt paints a few of doctors that could be Carlisle.
    – and of course, whenever I see DaVinci’s last supper, I think of UC/Moon’s lunch with SM.

  • FacePunch

    Hahaha! I LOVE art, and I love this post! You did a great job on the ‘shopping! If one of them had suddenly come to life like the one in New Moon I would’ve freaked out. :)

  • raven

    I love this post. It has to be one of my favorite posts ever.

  • http://mainericefamily.blogspot.com no cool name

    So, so excellent.

  • KinkyKiss

    Lmao!!

    Epic win!!

    :)
    Seriously considering printing a few n putting them up around the house !

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  • Robsessedgirl

    I LOVE THIS. My favorite is definitely Greekward. You guys rock!

  • Janetrigs

    Amazeness. Loves this.

    PS I wanted to write Holy Smokes but that didn’t fit the bill. So new word = amazeness

  • Stacey

    I applaud you Alice_NaA! It makes my art history minor heart super happy! Now let’s get some ancient Greek urns in there. Maybe Emmitt wrestling a bear or the great southern vampire wars? This is fun and educational!

    • lindsayleelindsaylee

      or maybe redoing some of the more dirty ones…?

  • Robsessedgirl
    • eatmyjorts

      Just laying down some reasonable boundaries, I’m sure.

      • Robsessedgirl

        Yeah, I’m sure. Taylor does bring out the craycray fans!

  • snowwhitedrifted

    Well, someone had to Duchamp the StewLisa

    http://twitpic.com/2e1lms

    • eatmyjorts

      Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
      You naughty.

    • robsfuturemate

      Always better with a Sharpie!! lol

  • chochang

    is it august 13th there yet? may i just say..

    Happy Wedding Anniversary to Rob & Kristen.. err.. Edward & Bella!

    in case we forget.

  • woof

    at first, i thought, that there is no new letter.
    then i stopped at the discus thrower (oh, theres a picture, thats new!) but i (and i am very ashamed of it) didn’t RECOGNISE IT!
    but the mona lisa, i could tell, was different. so i watched and watched and then i thought: ” hey, thats kristen!” , scrolled up and read the whole thing. and hat the best laugh i’ve ever had since… last week. :P
    i really wouldn’t torture you all with my bad english (i am from austria- we have no lilac cows ;)), but i just HAD to comment this, because this is sooo funny.

  • Luludee

    I think perhaps fan fiction writers Bella and Edward were inspired by Picasso before the Fade to Sad on Isle Esme.

    Do you think Rosalie has a large reproduction

    I'm at work, so I can't work any techno-magic but just pretend this says Cullen’s instead of Campbell’s.

    • Luludee

      Damnit, html fail. Let’s try this again.
      Do you think Rosalie has a large reproduction of this Botticelli with her face in it hanging in her bedroom?

  • lindsaylee

    so im at work, and my browser is being weird, so if i misspell everything its because i cant see…

    this was WAY more entertaining than my Art History class, mad props!!

  • blondieinco

    Educational, intelligent, though-provoking. Pretty much everything I expect from an LTT post :)

  • Luludee

    Oh and Alice_NaA, this post was epic!! So awesome!! Girl you have some mad photoshop skillz!

  • TeamSeth

    Sorry so late in the game today. Busy busy workday. Anyway, this post is epic. I think if we did the 20 most epic posts, it would certainly make the top 10. Not that I’ve given it much thought…though now that I do, I kind of want to make that list.

    Anyway, I actually heard Bella say “You can’t hurt each other without hurting me.” when I saw that Keith Haring one. It literally spoke to me, if voices in your head count.

    In the Paul Cézanne piece, I really felt the movement in the piece. It evoked an emotion of defeat, but also solitude and reflection. I think Cézanne really made a statement that in music, like art, there’s a gap between our childhood appreciation for the animatronic singing animals at places like Chucky Cheese and our adult appreciation for live bands not dressed in costumes. A sort of morphed man and non-human element (banana) creates the bridge between the two. It’s a really provocative piece for me. And it makes me want to eat my plum.

    In Eugène Henri Paul Gauguin’s piece… talk about symbolic depth! You hit the nail on the head there, AliceNaA! That canine creature is quite the representation of the fursplosion that our meditative (or constipated?) Quiluete is about to go through. The bone-like essence of the driftwood really cites the transformation that is to occur (death being the ultimate transformation and such things). It’s a representation of the familiar, but misshapen to show that the familiar will no longer be quite the same. Also, when paying attention to the reflections cast in the water, it’s easy to see that the driftwood shows a vibrant reflection, leading me to believe that the transformation is imminent, but where is the man’s reflection? I see him as the bird (appears to be a raven), which shows that he’s a shapeshifter, not a werewolf. He could become a bird if it was needed. It all begins with a choice.

    I’m feeling so exuberant about art now! I just want to get out there and see some galleries… but instead I’m going to watch the meteor shower.

  • Robsessedgirl

    Also, I totally made the Starry Night Edward my twitter background. I’m cool. #sarcasm

  • http://sweetinator88.tumblr.com sweetinator88

    this is amazing!!!! hahaha!

  • Lovespelledbackwards

    Love it! Brings me straight back to art school and the dark Art History class with the old school projector. I miss college. But I didn’t have Edward or Mr. Backwards back then, so all is good.

  • Luludee

    Damn it! My comment with links is in moderation! At least according to my phone/mobile LTT. Sad panda :(

  • LegHitch

    Massive win on this post!! As an artist and art history major it fills all the needs my soul has – twilight and art!! Couldve used some of those as book covers!!

  • cledbo

    ZOMG I nearly died at the Bananager.

    They were all so good!

    Don’t takethis the wrong way, but your ‘Son of Man’ I could so see as a post-post-modern statement on the dehumanising nature of popular culture.

    Or something. Like, think Andy Warhol, and you are so there.

    Also, I don’t actually think Twilight is dehumanising, but that is still a freakin’ fantastic image mash-up right there!

    • cledbo

      …and, of course, now I have Starry Starry Night in my head. Not that that is a bad thing.

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