Dear Gossip hounds,
A few weeks back I got a frantic IM chat from a friend saying BREAKING NEWS: The Twilight saga ends on 11/16/2012. My immediate thought was, “Breaking? Didn’t that break months ago?” And as I thought more about it…. I don’t know. I definitely knew the Twilight Saga was wrapping in November of 2012- or maybe that was a rumor I heard once. Orrrr maybe someone in the know told me. Maybe Stephenie Meyer wrote it on a slip of paper & passed it to us under the table at the interview and we were like, “Seriously? We ask you for the Robsten audition tape so we can burn it and you give us this?” or maybe I actually didn’t know that date and just assumed that to be the case? Because that’s what Harry Potter did (and Summit realizes they should copy them since they’re kinda successful) or I’m just way too involved in this fandom that I have a sense about these kind of things. I get a tingly feeling & just know the Twi-future. Call me Alice.
Then I got to thinking- I don’t know what’s real, rumor or secretive anymore. I mean, IS it public knowledge that Ashley Greene & Joe Jonas are together? Or is that just still a rumor circulating among the gossip rags? And is it actually true or do I just want it to be true- a former Disney star with a purity ring giving it up to an up-and-coming star too beautiful to be already desperate enough to date someone born in the 90s (who just yesterday turned old enough to legally knock back a few shots before she shows him what’s underneath that painted on bathing suit) And don’t even get me started on all the rumors we’ve been told about different Twi cast members being gay. (Some obvious, some not so obvious, some that we spent an entire weekend laughing over until we decided it couldn’t be true- or wait, could it!? Sorry- mums the word!) I mean unless it’s Rob- does anyone honestly really care? Well, maybe we’d care if we found out Taylor was too… because that would make so much sense.
So I started thinking about all the rumors I’ve heard over the past almost 2 years and I came up with quite a list…. mostly about Robsten… and people Ashley may or may not have slept with… Did I miss anything?
Rob & Nikki are together
- Rob & Kristen are hooking up behind Oregano’s back
- Kristen & Nikki are more than friends (I started that one, thank you very much)
- Nikki sold out Rob & Kristen
- Kristen is pregnant
- Ashley’s hooked up with Kellan
- Ashley’s hooked up with Jackson
- Ashley’s dating Jared from Kings of Leon (and assumingly has hooked up with him)
- Rob & Kristen are together
- Rob & Kristen are no longer together
- Rob & Kristen- BACK ON
- No one likes Nikki Reed
- Jackson hooks up with anyone & everyone
- Rob & Kristen like to hold hands
- Kellan is sticking his tongue down that Anna girl’s throat
- Taylor is with Taylor Swift
- Taylor is gay
- Justin Chon is gay
- David Slade is gay
- People still don’t like Nikki Reed. And possibly don’t like Elizabeth Reeser either
- Peter & Jennie are swingers
- Twi (male) cast member in Vancouver put ad in Craig’s list for Asian male companionship
- Big Daddy Lautner wears a fat suit (he’s actually really in shape)
- Chris Hansen likes little boys
- Nikki Reed started a blog so that people like her
- A cat will play Edward Cullen in Breaking Dawn parts 1 & 2
- Buttcrack Santa: What does he really do with those little bottles?
- UnintendedChoice to replace Kristen Stewart as Bella in Breaking Dawn Parts 1 & 2 (for this rumor to be true the Edward Cullen played by a cat is not true)
- Rob & Kristen open mouth kiss before heading into house parties where dirty men’s sweatpants are considered appropriate attire.
Okay so maybe I took some creative liberties on a few rumors… but most of them I’ve honestly heard at one time or another… So all that to say, this is what I have to say about the BREAKING NEWS about Breaking Dawn Part 2 that I may or may not have already known:
“Holy Shit. I seriously have to talk about this every day for another effing 2 and 1/2 years?”
Beg all you want, some rumors stay with me- but seriously… what have you heard that came true or was proved wrong? Any good rumors circulating out there right now? Was there an immaculate conception of the Robsten baby by the open mouth house party kiss? Fingers crossed!