Not Everyone Knows About Edward Cullen
We got this letter the other day
I was in my office last week, talking about books and stuff…as you do. And there was a person in my office who had NEVER HEARD of Edward Cullen.
I want to know how this is humanly possible?!
The man (or Rob is, anyway) is everywhere (forget Rob, he’s overkill right now, just give me his frequent flyers). T-shirts, dolls (on sale in Borders, 50% off), magazines, DVD’s, newspapers, even blogs. He’s probably on a fridge magnet somewhere and pencils, too. You can’t walk down the street or turn on the television or turn on a computer without encountering Twilight/Edward/Rob in some way. How is it possible that anyone in the Western world has never heard of this character? He literally screwed up his eyebrows in confusion and said ‘who’? when the name Edward Cullen was mentioned.
Because my brain is now distorted with too much Twi-Fic (I blame you and your blog for the countless hours that I have spent reading this stuff!), too many blogs – am I too close to it to see that it maybe isn’t as everywhere as I might have thought? Am I actively seeking Twi/Edward, and therefore don’t realise that he isn’t as everywhere as I assume him to be?
This is sort of more your super sleuth department than mine – but seriously. He’d never heard of Edward Cullen. And he’s in his twenties! Is this possible, and if so, how?
I respond, after much deliberating & research, after the jump!
UC the Sleuth here at your service! I’ve done some research, asked the masses & gone undercover to answer your question: And I’ve conclude that it isn’t possible & your co-worker is most likely a closeted, gay, Edward cut-out sleeping-in-his-bed member of the Twidom. There is nooooooo other explanation.
But let’s assume for a second that he wasn’t lying, however impossible that seems, and figure the other possible explanations:
– He’s Amish. And you guys work at a wood-working store. You make hutches & Dining Room tables. Since you emailed me, you must be the “English” girl they hired to run their Twitter account
– He’s a sex addict- so whenever Twilight-something is mentioned all he sees is Ashley Greene and rubs one out instead of paying attention to why Ashley Green is on the screen.
– His wife/girlfriend/sister is SOOOOO Team Jacob that he’s been brainwashed to never ever know about Edward Cullen or notice when he is mentioned. His brain shuts off when the words are uttered.
– He’s blind. And Deaf. And doesn’t know Braille so he can’t even read the Braille version of the Twilight books (which by the way- doesn’t exist. I just googled it. STEPHENIE- GET ON THAT. But I did find a Twilight fan fic called Braille. Of course)
– He lives in a cave and is a polygamist. He’s so busy remembering which wife he’s having sex with that night that he doesn’t even know that on their “off” nights, his wives are lusting over Edward Cullen himself.
– Same wife/girlfriend/sister who brainwashed him to never notice the words “Edward” and “Cullen” really did it because she’s Robsessing hard-core.
– He’s a vampire. And is jealous that a fake vampire has achieved more fame than he, so he’s chosen to ignore his fantasy existence.
– He’s from a far off land- the southern most point of Antarctica where sunlight only appears for 7 hours out of the year, and he hasn’t yet learned about anything “Western” except how to work in your office.
Orrrrrâ�Śâ�Ś we just agree that my first assumption that he’s a closeted, gay, Edward-cut-out-sleeping with, tent scene between Jake & Edward watching over and over again, Edward & Jasper Fan Fic writing, guy. Because there cannot possibly be another explanation.
Everyone has heard of Edward Cullen
Am I Right?
Okay talk it out- do you know anyone who you legitimately think does NOT know who Edward is? Can we assume it’s a guy? Do you know of a GIRL!? Major fake prize to someone who does know a girl (and I’ll also take BACK your fake prize because you are commenting on a TWILIGHT blog & still have a GIRLFRIEND who doesn’t know who Edward is!? SHAME ON YOU!!!)
Looking for Edward Cullen images made me remember how much I love Edward Cullen. I might whip out good ol’ Twilight again to read one of these days!