On “Getting” Rob Pattinson: A Follow-Up
I put in the hours and interviews. I did my duty to Queen and country. I came to know precisely what “the Rob” means. And I also fell for Steve Jones, but come on, who wouldn’t?
But let’s break it down, shall we [Jane]?
My Favourite Colour? I don’t know, grey maybe?
Laura Culpepper gets a run for her contest win in this interview for MTV.
Okay, probably wasn’t the best one to start me on, maybe I’ll watch it again now that I’ve been… broken in to ‘the Rob’. But basically this immediately reminded me of a guy I had a crush on in college who was a total douche. It was an insta-trip down memory lane to those awful nights when I’d try to make conversation with him and he’d just ignore what I’d asked and give me another answer. Something bogus or ridiculous. Potentially true, but completely unrelated. Like that his most recent accomplishment was clipping his nails. Or that he’d just finished up the project of buying underpants. I didn’t ask you this, Mike C., I don’t care! If you don’t want to talk to me, just stop doing it. (And stop wearing the same beige Gap corduroys I own, buy men’s clothing! It was one of those What The Hale Was I Thinking crushes. Where 2.5 weeks later you realize that the ipod on-the-go list you’ve concocted sounds so much like your tenth grade Emo Is Awesome playlist that you should just go take Elliot Smith lessons and end the drama.)
With that in mind, I wasn’t a big fan of Rob in this interview. But I moved on and things did improve!
I’m not good at when you have to look scared. What, you mean acting?
All eyes and Coke-drinking close-ups are on Rob in this Artist on Artist myspace special with Hayley from Paramore.
(can they not rename this show?)
This was a fun interview, and Hayley seemed pretty cool. The “here” segment was hilarious! And I say “here” just like her! Rob likes the way I say “here”! (zomg!) I did enjoy Rob’s paranoia of childhood. It somewhat reminded me of my Mancunian friend who is Rob’s age, though he’s slightly less insecure. Anyway, good interview! And it enabled me to understand the meaning of ‘the Rob’. Plus we have the gem of each time he drinks from his coke. Which immediately made me think of MADtv’s Bon Qui Qui skit. “No, you can have a coke.”
My favorite part of the interview was the editing! I felt like I was watching Curb Your Enthusiasm or Peep Show! But let’s get down to the gritty, and I do mean Rob’s hair. It just stays put. I mean, I knew this. I do read LTT after all, but really. Ew. Just ew. Mike C. had hair like that and it took him 25 minutes to do his hair. I think I like the Twi bouffant better than Rob’s RL hair. Or I like his hair when he doesn’t touch it and demonstrate the situation that it is.
More after the jump!
Adult movies–That’s what the internet’s for.
Steve Jones turns me on with a high five and the word ‘duvet’ in this Twilight Day interview for T4.
So, we’re like bumping along with this and it’s all going nicely and laughs here and there and Steve Jones saying the word “lurking”, getting me all hot and bothered, and then at 5:15 we find out who actually filmed Two Girls and a Cup. ROBERT THOMAS! WTForks?! I felt like Steve did: amazed, appalled, and amused. (And I wished I could’ve been there with Steve, so we could share a look and use it as a private joke that we’d reference whilst drinking in pubs. Do you realize Steve Jones is Welsh? Just like Sheen Peen and all the other wonderful men in the world.) But this is about Rob! Let’s get back to him.
Back it up to to 2:40 when we embark on the major gem of this interview: grotesque sex toys. Rob innocently thinks no one will want to put a RPattz toothbrush in their mouth after seeing his face on a double ended strap-on. But Steve knows the cold, hard truth: you can tie lots of toothbrushes together to make one massive cylinder of multiple Robs. No batteries needed for that, just a little elbow grease… Second gem is Rob saying “puritanical”. I don’t know why, but it was just really cute. (cue my first “Aw, I kind of like Rob here” moment)
Buddha continued to throw jacks, or tacks, at me
Rob explains that religion is more important than relationships in his Best Story Ever.
Um, what the hell is this? Please explain.
Our sex will be so amazing that I’ll end up killing you
Rob explains to Access Hollywood how he doesn’t think Twilight was meant to be published.
(Yeah, I totally pulled an UsWeekly in my subheader there, teehee)
I love how wide his eyes get at the beginning. Then he dismisses all Twihards as a sidedish of green peas (or whatever food you don’t like and won’t eat). And the little girl impression! hehe I have to say, this interview made me laugh less and giggle more. If that makes any sense. Maybe it was the interviewer’s approach. Or the death via sex part.
“I’m not begging alright.” That was the gem. (cue my second “Aw, I kind of like Rob here” moment). As I imagined Cougwicke reading his email of passion, I knew she must have immediately gone out to buy a bundle of RPattz toothbrushes and a rubber[band]. Um, anyway. He seems much different in this interview than the others. Much more innocent and much less jaded. Perhaps it was one of his first?
No, we do it all the time
T4 strikes again for Eclipse, but no Steve Jones.
I’m sorry, what? At 1:47 did Rob really just say that it wasn’t weird to do the “excessively inappropriate touching” scenes with Kristen because they do it every day? Yes. He did just say that. Robsten Lives!
Anyway, this one was funny. I liked Rob here. I felt like I was watching him give the interviewer a handout and a career boost. Which I’m into (people using their power for good). At the end he even says, “You used me to get a free trip to LA!” and she’s all, “Shut up!” and thinking, “Basically.” Love it!
So, a breakthrough discovery as to why I’m just not that into Rob has occurred over the course of breaking down these interviews: Rob reminds me of Mike C. And Mike C. really made me feel like a loser. Just like Bella responds when Edward asks, “You’re not gonna let this go, are you?” No, Mike C., no I am not.
So, Rob, I’m sure you’re a nice guy, but you remind me of an asshole guy I used to like. Sorry, I just can’t get past that. But I’m sure there’s someone else out there for you!
…and if you could have your manager get me Steve Jones’ number, that’d be fantastic!
With Kind Regards,
ps- My Gap corduroys that Mike C. also had got lost at some point. Perhaps it’s better that way.
pps- Steve Jones had a cute little Sam shirt on in the interview! Super heart him!
Okay Rob fans- did Team Seth give Rob a big enough chance? Do you think she’s a lost cause?