Questions about Twilight

Questions about Twilight: We still have them. We love to ask them, and today TeamJacobEdward has some good questions!

Dear Twilight,

Well, it’s been more than two years now since I was a Twilight Virgin. Don’t worry! I’m very happy with you still Twilight, you still do it for me. I haven’t tired of you yet, and thanks to “Twilight 101” posted the other day, I now have a urge to read you all over again (for the bajillionth time). But the thing is, I still have questions about about you and I thought that maybe I should start asking you the questions instead of just wondering about them.

Scars

I remember in Eclipse when Jasper shows Bella all his bite marks that he’d said, “the venom is the only thing that leaves a scar.”

So does that mean that ALL scars are wiped away? (So like with Bella, is she only left with scars from the bite from James and the bites Edward did to transform her?) Does venom work like the magic eraser that is photo touch-up, but on the live subject as the venom seeps through scorching the skin from simple scars to ragged ones? Does the venom erase away all the wicked stretch marks Bella had to have been the recipient of growing baby Nessie in record time? Does it remove all scars obtained throughout your life, so you no longer have “that scar from the time you decided to try riding your bike ‘no handed?’” Does that mean when Carlisle stitched up Bella from having Renesmee ripped out of her, she’d have no “c-section” scar (or possibly tummy tuck scar getting rid of all that extra skin)?

Forever as you are… including hair?

Like, what would this dude look like as a vamp?

I understood it as your hair is the length it is at the time of transformation… forever. So if say a person happened to be sporting a mullet coif at the time of transformation they’d kind of be stuck with that. Or can vampire hair be cut? So at least you could lop off the “party in the back.” In my mind, it would seem that since vampires are virtually indestructible, so would be their hair… I envision a scissors looking all bent and twisted after encountering a try at cutting vampire hair even if it is soft and pliable and hair-like.

Which also brings to mind leg and armpit hair. What if you were between shaves or waxings? We all know Bella wasn’t bending over to shave those legs while her midsection was growing by epic proportions. Did Alice shave her legs and armpits (and bikini line) while she was lying on that table getting scorched by the venom before it was too late? Or would Bella (Edward) stuck with those sharp little leg pricklies for eternity if Alice wasn’t so on top of all those details because a razor would twist and crumple trying to shave vampire body hair?

What about dyed hair? These days, more women than not generally have SOME color added to their hair (look at me, a natural blonde, who’d just went dark brunette simply because I was bored with blonde the other night). Does that mean if you happened to be transformed with a bad hair dye job, or you were in desperate need to re-touch your roots but hadn’t made it in to the salon, that you would FOREVER be stuck with unsightly roots or a horrible dye job? Or can vampire hair be dyed?

Eyes

Why IS it that animal blood, which is EVERY BIT as red as human blood turn vampire eyes golden versus red? Is there a certain chemical that is present or absent in animal blood that differs from human and that’s what colors the eyes? Does it have to do with DNA and Chromosomal pairs? Or was it just one of those things, “just because” so you could tell the “good” vampires from the “bad” vampires, and I should just drop it?

Beautiful People

Like what would becoming a vampire do here?

Vampire venom is said to make one inhumanly beautiful. So, does that mean that it sucks in loose skin (for instance all that extra loose skin that Bella’d acquired from being a host Nessie)? Does it make a double-chin a single? Would it nip and tuck and lift things to make them look “new” again? How far does it go? Straightens crooked noses? Straightens and whitens teeth? Strengthens weak chins? Reduces body parts that are too big? Enhances body parts that are too small? (I’m talking both women and men here… ahem) Does it lift, even-out, straighten out, shrink/grow….

Who needs “The Swan” when there’s vampire venom, right? No more beer gut, no more wonder bras, just a few days of burning at the stake and voila!

Artificial Body Parts

The last set of questions brings me to this group. What if someone who was transformed had some sort of foreign object in their body. Say a metal plate, screws, tooth fillings, breast implants… what would the venom do with that foreign matter? Would it just reject the material and spit it out during the process, so you see random objects being ejected from the person in transformation and then proceed to properly “heal” that item? Say a person had a total knee replacement… what would the venom do with that? I’m guessing the comical spitting out of foreign object from the body isn’t the answer, so would the venom turn the objects into vampire, or eat it up? My money is on “eating it up” but that leaves the question as to what the venom does with that space, does it grow a whole new knee? What about breast implants? Would the venom turn the implant into rock-hard vampire, or would it eat it up? If it eats up the implant, then what? does the venom replace it with vampirized created breast tissue or is the poor vampire stuck with shriveled up kumquats for all eternity?

Schmexy-time

like... what's it like down below?

Okay, I know everyone who’s read the books has probably wondered this (whether they will admit it or not), so I’m going to bring it up. It has been brought up on LTT before. What about guys? How does that work? Does it work similarly like human men, with blood? And I of course don’t mean their own blood because vampires don’t have any any longer. But the way it seems to me, when vampires drink blood, it doesn’t go to their stomachs like a human, it infiltrates through their entire being (right or no?)…. so does that mean boy vamps use the blood they’ve sucked off prey to make “it” work? And therefore, if said vampire hasn’t fed… does that mean he doesn’t get sexy time because he doesn’t have the blood in his system to make it work?

Okay Twilight, that was a lot, so I’ll leave it at that for today. But know that my mind is constantly turning and posing questions, so I have a feeling I’ll be back with more.

Thank you for the last couple years, Twilight. I look forward to many more with you even if/when all my questions about you are answered.

TeamJacobEdward

Every time I have a question about Twilight, someone reading knows the answer. Mostly because I’m a bad fan and haven’t read everything Stephenie has said about the Saga. Fan Fail. So….. does anyone know an answer to the questions TeamJacobEdward and now I have!?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store
  • TeamJacobEdward

    I forgot to mention tattoos! Do you get to (or have to for those with Twilight Wonky Eyed Edward tats), keep them for eternity? They are a human scar and a foreign object (ink)… So no?

    Yes I am well aware I completely WAY over think things.

    • P.S.

      There’s a fanfic for this! The tattoo stays, but it becomes raised, like a relief, and all sparkly and beautiful.

      • lindsaylee

        of course it is, because that makes logistical sense

      • Erica

        Fun trivia fact:
        Tattoos only become raised on “normal” human skin when they are badly done by an “artist” who was too heavy handed with the gun and created scar tissue which elevates the ink.

        • TeamJacobEdward

          That happened to my husband’s first tattoo. He thought/figured it was just his skin like it just reacted to getting a tattoo that way or something. But it didn’t happen with his second one. This explains why. Thanks!

        • P.S.

          That makes perfect sense! The logic was that the venom recognized the ink as foreign and tried to expel it, but created scar tissue instead.

    • Rachel B

      In trueblood the vamps keep their tats. Not the same story but just sayin’

      • Stacey

        I do love TrueBlood and it’s tattooed vamps. Well maybe not that season 1 bald one. He was scary!

      • http://www.talksupe.wordpress.com snowwhitedrifted

        Yes, like Godric is tatted. But I do wonder, could they get a tattoo after their changed?

        • Stacey

          You, my friend, just want to see Eric get one on his tush next season on TB. Maybe one of the witches can do it.

          BTW…I think Twilight needs a witch.

          • http://www.talksupe.wordpress.com snowwhitedrifted

            Stace, I think you just outted my guest walk on role for next season!
            But it won’t be on the ass. I’m an arm/chest gal.

          • P.S.

            Jane sort of seems like a witch. Can you be a witch and a vampire at the same time?

          • http://www.twitter.com/Halfsh0t Jamie

            I believe I am the resident witch of LTT? Are there any other witches out there?
            Just in case I’m the only one, I’ll add some lil tidbits that a lot of people just don’t happen to know.
            Witchcraft is actually a religion. It dates back to 28000 BC. Knowing that, there probably was a witch who was also a vampire, just like Carlisle’s dad was a miniser, right?
            Not totally up on the Christian or Catholic terms as I was actually raised Jewish :)
            Also, the amount of people out there that are witches is pretty astounding. This weekend I went to a Sammhain/Halloween blowout at a lawyers house and she’s a practising Scottish witch.
            Most of us witches couldn’t be picked out of a crowd without our pentacles on :)
            Anyhoo, my best bet on a Twilight witch is one of the Irish clan, or someone from the amazon clan (Juu Juu witches are awesome!!!) or one of the Egyptians.

  • ChillinWithCullens

    Hilarious post!! I know Stephenie answered questions on, um, “seminal fluid” (hey, it’s on her website!) related to the good work Bella and Edward did to like get Nessie, but maybe that’s not the sort of thing you were talking about…

    ANYWAY, happy Hump Day, everyone!!

    • theseviolentdelights

      “ANYWAY, happy Hump Day, everyone!!”

      Jeez, that brings up memories of one of my ‘slow moments’ – I heard ‘hump day’ on the radio a while back and thought it was some sort of weird holiday. I spent the rest of the day worrying I was going to get assaulted.
      Now that I know what it is, I sort of wish it was a holiday. That’d be fun.

  • GeminiGypsy

    Haha, great questions! I had some of these myself, and I kind-of had to reason them out. With scars, I assume the transformation would take away all scars except for vampire made ones. The body hair- would probably be minimal or disappear? The vampire is supposed to be sexy so as to draw in its prey, so that’s how I’m guestimating these. I think killing an animal is more humane than killing a human- the Cullens keep their humanity, so there eyes don’t have to go blood red? And yes, I think the vampire transformation could go all distances (like with chin tucks, or with knee replacements (it would probably destroy the knee replacement, and then create a new vampire knee)). But it seems as if the vampires turning people, choose people that don’t have that far to go to become beautiful- so far in the book, no vampire has said “I used to be fat in a former life”, so I’m assuming that it hasn’t come to that. And um, about the “sexy time”- I assumed there was a reserve well of blood or something, or that process didn’t require blood in a vampire body…Because vampires are supposed to be able to do it for a longgggg time- in most myths, this is true. And once Edward gets over his fear of hurting Bella, they are doing it a lot too, so I assume it doesn’t have much to do with blood anymore. Great questions! I hope this helped you out :)

    • Erica

      The Anne Rice’s and the Laurell K Hamilton’s of the world decided that vamps have to bite something to get it up. Very often, they just bite their partner. Afterall, the human stomach can only take so much, no risk of killing your partner when it goes against physics.

      • http://www.talksupe.wordpress.com snowwhitedrifted

        I think there is something to the bite and blood. In reverse too. In the True Blood books, the vamps, uhhhhh, finish, when someone drinks from them. So sucking… uh, works. Take that as you wish. ;)

        • TeamSeth

          “Sookeh me!”

      • http://breakindownltt.blogspot.com Unashamed Twi-wife

        Thank goodness! Someone else who reads Laurell K Hamilton! I was beginning to feel like a freak around here ;)

  • Late convert

    I am so relieved I’m not the only one who completely over thinks these things.

    My daughter rolled her eyes and behaved like I was totally possessed when I got stuck on the whole seminal fluid thing. (thank you Stephanie for the answer)

    re. the ugly part: interesting to note that in Eclipse (movie), the vamp army who come to tear up the Cullens aren’t all shall we say, ‘stunning’.

    As for scars, I always wondered what Bella told Charlie about the teeth marks on her arm – ‘well I fell through a plate glass window, and landed on top of a rabid dog…’

    • lindsaylee

      rabid dog, ha-larious
      Charlie doesnt pay any attention to her anyway – she could say i was parasailing and attacked by a shark, he would notice

  • chochang

    Look out~! I can sense the Krisbians coming with their pitchforks.. Fat Kristen made me laugh. Even better than fat Taylor. Hahahahaha

    (not that I have anything against fat people.. peace! xoxo)

  • Michelle

    I love it all! Thank you thank you thank you. I’m of the theory that it makes all ugly…beautiful. I would think the foreign objects would get destroyed by the venom and replaced vampy-style. The hair one gets me everytime though. I mean, they allude to Alice’s choppy hair b/c she was a nut in an insane asylum, right? And they keep it semi-choppy in the movies…so I assume it stays however it was when they got changed. Thank God Bella didn’t get changed in Eclipse or we’d be stuck with the God-awful wig. Okay, that made me seriously LOL. Yup, I crack myself up sometimes.

    I’m still stuck on how Bella’s hoo-ha doesn’t turn to ice during schmexy-times. I know, I know the heat…but come on…after a while that popcicle would freeze things up in there…I mean, wouldn’t it?! Sigh.

    Also, at 3 a.m. I woke up thinking about filming of BD. I started thinking about them in Brazil, etc. and then got to OVERTHINKING that they’re probably shooting that FIRST well, to cover their hineys. You know…if and when the “big breakup” happens…at least they’ll have the hotty-totty stuff filmed. Is that wrong of me? Did I just jump from Dontgiveacrapsten to Robsten because of that thought? Yup. 3 a.m. THIS is what I think of.

    • Late convert

      it doesn’t begin to explain the whole Jasper hairdo experience

      • Michelle

        Apparently sweet poodle perms were all the rage back in Civil War times…

    • http://www.twitter.com/Halfsh0t Jamie

      I don’t think he’d freeze her insides during sex. There are quite a few metal adult toys out there, like the nJoy Pure wand. with those toys they keep the heat. Run it under a little hot water, it stays warm. If its cool when going in, your, um, internal areas warm it up and it stays warm. I just assume it would work the same way with vampires and sex.

      • P.S.

        I was thinking that a vampires skin is room temperature all the time, so if the temperature on Isle Esme was, say 98.6 degrees, that would feel just about right.

        • Michelle

          Vamp skin isn’t room temp, it’s “ice cold” right? I guess the other issue is solved…Eddie would warm up after a “bit”…LOL. I just remembered in the book how after she has her hand on him for a while he says something like “feel this it’s almost warm” about his skin? Okay that’s terrible quoting but you get the gist I think. :) I’d forgotten about that!

          • P.S.

            I think you’re right actually, because when Bella was researching vamps on the internet it did say their skin was ice cold. I think I’m getting my book/movie/other-vampire-show vampires all mixed up. Or maybe my mind just makes up its own facts to reconcile all the issues.

          • http://www.twitter.com/Halfsh0t Jamie

            Just had a thought: Didn’t the Cullens teach Bella that before she shakes hands with someone she should warm her hands in the fireplace? Did Edward warm his penis in the fireplace? It may have been a very warm island, but a fireplace is still romantic so there might have been one.

          • TeamSeth

            She does describe the room as like a sauna… I think I would suffocate of humidity if I had sex in a sauna, so I guess that he’s some serious amounts of cold. Though, wouldn’t his coldness make some steam or something? This little sex scene just got a hell of a lot sexier in my head!

      • TeamSeth

        But their skin isn’t made of metal, so it wouldn’t have the same conductivity rate. The skin is often described as being like marble, which has a conductivity rate of 2.08 – 2.94, whereas stainless steel (the metal used in nJoy Pure wand–medical grade for your protection, don’t worry) has a rate of 16. I think in vampire skin’s case, a blow torch may be more effective than hot water. Not to mention a funnier innuendo. ;)

        • TeamSeth

          ps-I just googled those rates, so, if there’s a real science/chemistry person in the house, please assist.

        • Michelle

          Sweetheart, can you please go blow torch your man bits? I’m feeling INTHEMOOD ifyouknowwhati’msayin.

          OMG. Classic.

        • The Old One

          But, what about the problem of their venom/body fluids being very flammable (see quote from SMeyer below)? Using open flame, whether from a fireplace or blowtorch, might have sad consequences for our would-be lovers. “Baby, I’m on fire!” takes on a whole different meaning.

          Oh, and I love that you looked up the conductivity data, you nerd, you.

          • http://www.twitter.com/Halfsh0t Jamie

            Good point! I guess sticking any part of your vampire body into fire would cause you to catch on fire. But what about the hand thing? Its still safe for them to hover their hands over the fire? I guess he could stick his penis into boiling water to warm it. That’s still not too fun though….

          • TeamSeth

            @TOO Someone had to do it!
            @Jamie I really think it all boils down to: do vampires have pores? Next time I’m at a twicon I’m asking Steph this question. Most answers point to “no”, but… I still want a definitely response either way.

          • TeamSeth

            I have not been to twicon, not that Steph ever goes to them, but it’s not due to that slow burning feeling of embarrassment that overcomes you when you think about bringing Pocket Eddie to work, no, it’s to do with how much money it costs.

    • Stacey

      *giggle*…popscicle *giggle*

      Interesting thay Elena and Sookie, don’t need to worry about that. I guess their vamps are just ‘hotblooded’. Or maybe it’s that Twilight vamps have the venom that keeps them cold and puts off the need for human/vamp sexy times in the novels. Darn it! Figuring this out is going to keep me up at night. Ugh.

      • http://www.talksupe.wordpress.com snowwhitedrifted

        *giggles* This whole conversation occurred in my head the last time I saw a Big Stick. *giggles*

        Soooo, I’m guessing the sparklepeen is like a bag of frozen peas, cold when it first comes out of the wrapping but warms up quickly once in hand???

      • TeamSeth

        In VampDi they actually have blood…

  • lindsaylee

    “fat” Kristen was still very pretty, damn her. And who is to say that rounder people cannot be beautiful round? And what about hair styles, do they just keep their hair the way it is and style around it? I have long hair now, but in 300 years would I still want long hair?

    And I know that this question has been asked numerous times before, but it drives me crazy:
    What does Edward do when Bella is on her period? What if she has a heavy cycle?
    -just one more thing to question

    • nicole

      Stephenie already answered this question. :)

      “Several girls wanted to know if Edward would have a more difficult time being around Bella when she’s having her period. Answer: Yes, a little bit, but he would never say anything about it. He is much too much of a gentleman. And Bella would be way to embarrassed to ask. (It’s not the same as a cut, though. It’s sort of “dead” blood, if you get my meaning).”

    • The Old One

      You’re right, in different cultures and different time periods “beautiful” can be interpreted various ways. Some cultures like more chub. What about guys in the 19th century with giant handlebar mustaches? Imagine going through eternity like that.
      Isn’t one of the “good” vamps in BD described as plus-sized? Like Maggie or Siobhan or one of those? I could only read that book once, so my memory is kind of dim.

      • Michelle

        Aww yeah! Plus sized girls represent! I don’t remember that at all…time to re-read some BD.

      • http://www.talksupe.wordpress.com snowwhitedrifted

        *totally random side note*
        I hate that in literature set in previous centuries they refer to periods as “my courses”. Ew. Makes me think of a four-course meal… which when in relation to vampires, kind of completes the circle (or cycle) I guess.

        • TeamSeth

          hahaha! Thanks for that today :)

      • http://www.twitter.com/Halfsh0t Jamie

        I was wondering about that! Because in France women with some body hair is absolutely beautiful. In Africa, the lower your breasts hang the more stunning you are. And I wonder if turning into a vampire doesn’t make everyone beautiful, but more captivating? We are drawn to them, but that doesn’t mean every one of them is beautiful, correct? Or beautiful in their own way? What about the elephant man? Would his entire body and face be changed? Or would he be the same, but more alluring because of scent, color of skin and sound of voice?

        • The Old One

          I want to read a fanfic where a vampire “turns” the Elephant Man, and he’s still the Elephant Man, but mortal humans find him alluring and sexy! We’re getting kinda kinky here. But I guess some people are drawn to the whole elephant thing… hmm.

          • TeamSeth

            “some people” aka you? ;)

          • The Old One

            Sorry, TS, I thought I was being all nudge nudge wink wink referring to Rob and the mutual attraction he had with his Water for Elephants co-star (not the human one). And then people describing Kristen as “the elephant in the room” etc. But we know you’re not a Rob follower!

          • TeamSeth

            Oooooh. Sorry. Mr. Seth and I once watched the movie on the Elephant Man (fake, but real?) and I didn’t realize that there was *another* correlation here. You seemed to keep mentioning him, so, I didn’t know.

      • http://www.twitter.com/Halfsh0t Jamie

        Yeah, I thought one of the girls in the Scottish clan was big boned. Also, wasn’t Esme always described as having a full face and motherly figure? I guess I always assumed she was on the small end of plus size.
        Wow, I’ve spent a huge amount of my day on here….. time to focus on cooking dinner!

  • http://www.twitter.com/ScienceGeek91 Rob’s slow mo’ strut

    Bahaha, the questions you ladies come up with. But to be honest, I too wondered about the freaky neon yellow eyes thingy.
    So I’m guessing that Big Daddy’s chin has been photoshopped into Kristen’s face in that picture?

    And Ugghhhh! That second picture is going to give me nightmares for weeks!!!!! And for some weird reason, that hairy dude looks like Ryan Reynolds. Not a good image since I like that guy.

  • EdwardsDish

    I know the Cullens’ smell is supposed to draw you in, but do they ever shower? It’s never mentioned in the book. Do they not ever get dirty? Wouldn’t the vamps enjoy a warm shower? Probably a silly question but it’s been bugging me since I lost my twi-virginity.

    • http://www.talksupe.wordpress.com snowwhitedrifted

      Um, Eric showers in True Blood. Oh yes, yes he does… even uses Sookie’s apricot body wash. Now I get the True Blood nerd of the day award.

    • TeamSeth

      They do not shower. Smeyer has addressed this. Where, I don’t know. When, I don’t know. But I know she said they don’t shower and that they don’t get dirty. BUT something like they get dirt on them, but just can brush it away. This still makes zero sense though. Even rocks maintain dirt on them after rolling through the muck. I’m just going to imagine it as that cleaner thing they use instead of showers in Brave New World.

      I guess I really wonder, do vamps have pores or not? AND WHERE DID THE PIZZA GO THAT EDWARD ATE A BITE OF?! HUH, STEPH?! HUH!!!! Oh wait, didn’t she say in Midnight Sun that he threw it up? I don’t remember, but no way I’m going back to check. I wouldn’t waste any more time reading that dribble which should never, ever be completed. Ever.

      • Michelle

        Maybe they’re repellant of anything…like teflon or scotchguard.

        Okay, that made me LOL at myself again. I guess I’m in that kind of mood…

        Today’s comments ROCK. I needed this.

        • TeamSeth

          That made me LOL too. Teflon and scotchguard hehehe They can sell teflon pocket eddies now! True to form!

    • http://www.twitter.com/Halfsh0t Jamie

      I would think they would have a shower in case for some reason one of them needs to clean up after a hunt if one of them was messier than usual. Or if someone were to spill something on them. What if someone accidently spilled (couldn’t think of another example) tomato sauce onto Edward or something. Its not like the tomato sauce will drip off and they’ll be all clean.

      • TeamSeth

        He’d catch it before it could spill. super reflexes! Or, being Edward, he’d read their mind and move out of the way. Because he’s awesome.

      • Luludee

        Methinks that with their vampire senses, no one would be able to accidentally spill something on them, as they would be able to move out of the way quickly ;)
        And I like that these vamps resemble Anne Rice’s vamps, in that they take pride in their appearance and don’t seem to be messy eaters. I have to say that I don’t really care for the messiness of the True Blood vamps. Creepy, demon vamps like in Buffy and 30 Days of Night can make a mess. Sophisticated vamps need to reflect that with some manners, lol.

    • raven

      I know she addressed the whole shower thing, but really Steph, can’t you just let them take a shower?

      Let’s think about this for a minute, we all know that there must be some sort of exchange of…fluids for baby Nessie to be around. So wouldn’t you want to, I don’t know, wash up or something afterwards? I love how they have crazy, apparently non stop vamp sex all night in their little cottage, then hop up and just get dressed the next morning like it’s nothing. Ew.

      • TeamSeth

        Forget cleanliness, I want them to shower for the hot shower scene potential!

    • operarose

      Holy crow, they don’t shower?! Myeah ok, deal’s off. I no longer like Edward.

      I’m sorta OCD when it comes to showering.

  • Stacey

    I LOVED your letter! (You know I would) Since, you wrote this fantastic letter, I’m posting the next chapter of a little something for you today…

    The question of Alice…of course, she shaved Bella’s legs. I would also include pluck and hotwaxed, maybe added a little bit of blush to those shallow teeth. A worried Alice has to keep busy.

    I have a feeling those maternity clothes came from A Pea in the Pod, you know the fancy mall maternity shop. No Motherhood Maternity for our Bella when Alice is in charge. Which might not be the best idea, since sipping blood with a straw when exhausted can be messy. Drips down the chin and gets all over those fancy maternity ensembles. Blood is not east to get out of fabrics. I know, I know Alice would just throw them out. But isn’t that just a waste when they can be passed on to Angela? Just a waste.

    • TeamJacobEdward

      Could you imagine having sharp, prickly legs for all eternity? Poor Edward would be stuck with Bella’s porcupine legs. Talk abhor a mood killer, right?

      Yey! *does Brandon Frazier clap*

      I added a chapter to my fic yesterday too. :) I’ve also started another that creeped into my head. But it’ll probably be awhile before I get it together and post it. I really need to get a beta. I feel kind of naked posting without one.

      Can’t wait for you to post your update!

      • TeamSeth

        Yey! *does Brandon Frazier clap*

        OMG. I haven’t read this comment yet, only saw this part and did a spit coffee style laugh out loud that had my boss going, “?” (minus the coffee, that’s long gone–the caffeine coursing through my veins like vampire venom)

  • TheColdWoman

    It’s been a while since I read BD but I feel like the description of one of the Irish coven led me to believe she was on the chubby side (Siobhan?). And wasn’t Alistair or the Romanians kind of described as not ugly since they’re beautiful vampires but kind of the ugly side of the beautiful vampire spectrum?

    And for some reason, I never considered indestructible hair. I guess I always thought it could be cut after transformation, it would just not grow back but you’re totally right. #FanFail

    And finally, with a body like marble and super muscle strength, wouldn’t male vampires always be ready to go? Or am I just making Edward even more perfect?

    • Michelle

      I, too thought Edward had a perma-boner. Yup, just went there.

      • TeamJacobEdward

        That was my other theory. But I wasn’t sure if I should go there. Men getting hard during burning… Sound a little S&M. And being forever at attention. How does one hide a rock hard tent like that? I mean it’s just THERE. Hmmmmm. I think I am liking that thought a LITTLE too much…. I think it’s official. I’m reading too much fanfic.

        • TeamSeth

          Talk about morning wood!

        • http://www.twitter.com/Halfsh0t Jamie

          I don’t think he’d have an issue constantly hiding an erect penis. I think its more like its hard just like his arm is hard, his fingers and hard, his skin all feels the same. However, just because his arm is hard as marble doesn’t mean he can’t move his arm up and down etc. I’m sure he penis is hard, but not erect at all times. He could (yucky) tuck it while out and about in public.

          • The Old One

            You said Tuck.

          • http://www.twitter.com/Halfsh0t Jamie

            Mmmyes, yes I did.

          • http://breakindownltt.blogspot.com Unashamed Twi-wife

            GAH! Thanks, Jamie. Now I need brain bleach AGAIN!

            *mutters & twitches*

  • Janetrigs

    Oh my.

  • http://www.twitter.com/Halfsh0t Jamie

    Something I’ve always wondered about the hair….
    Alice’s hair doesn’t grow, but she’s able to style it. She bobs it under, she does the whole pin curl thing etc….
    The way something like a rollerset works is by wetting the hair (which actually breaks bonds in each strand; That’s why your hair gets all straight and dangly when wet). When setting into a roller and then adding heat, it resets the bonds in the hair. Same with blow drying hair, using a straight iron. But vampires are indestructable. Their hair bonds probably can’t be broken and re-set. Unless their hair is more like wire, and can be bent into a shape…..

    I dunno, its a puzzle!

    • TeamSeth

      Wow, are you a hair dresser? That’s like hardcore more knowledge than I ever knew about hair! i feel like I’m at trivia night or something.

      Anyway, since they have more chromosomes, I think that their hair may require a specialty hair gel to break said bonds–Volume by Volturi perhaps? Additionally I wonder, based on others diligent research about ‘body fluid’ and ‘venom’ correlation, does hair still have oils? I realize of course that vampires do not sweat (or else Bella would be long turned just by touching his skin–as she constantly has open wounds; not to mention that the book explicitly says so), but oils are not sweat. So, bearing that in that mind, would said venom oils break the hair bonds and enable full styling ability?

      • http://www.talksupe.wordpress.com snowwhitedrifted

        That super gel, “Got to Be Glued” the only solution for vamps?

      • http://www.twitter.com/Halfsh0t Jamie

        Nope, not a hair dresser, technically a beauty school drop out. Finished all the hours I needed to get licensed and then realized how much I really didn’t enjoy it, so I stopped.
        I’m much happier now with the job(s) I have :)

        Another thing: hair dye would most likely be eaten up by the venon, just like the meds Edward gave Bella. Hair dye works by opening up your hair cuticle slightly and penetrating the hair folicle. I’m sure that the hair follicle would re-close when turned, making everyones hair nice, shiny and beautiful. But still their normal hair color.

        • TeamSeth

          I think you’re right. I forgot about the morphine–which is technically a foreign object. So, that answers TJE’s original question about foreign objects. DISINTEGRATED!

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  • Bea

    Scars: To continue this question to its logical conclusion, do vampires have belly buttons???
    Hair: I’m with Stacey, Alice totally would have shaved/ waxed, etc. for Bella while she was changing. Probably trimmed her hair too (Eternal split ends! Gasp!). I’ve imagined that you could trim it afterwards but it would have to be done with vampire teeth– for the same reason as the c-section did. Ew.

    • P.S.

      I’m pretty sure Edward had a belly button in New Moon. Maybe I’ll go watch the movie again just to double check. :)

      • Bea

        Yeah, but their hair grows and gets cut in the movies too. Though that is a good excuse for some Rob-ogling…

      • The Old One

        Well, if we’re using New Moon Edward as the go-to answer for some of these questions, I guess that means vamps don’t lose their body hair during transformation. Good thing Edward was turned when he was 17, or he’d look like that guy in the picture by the time he was in his 20s, by the amount of arm and chest hair he already had.

  • beth

    Great letter!

    Re point #1…not to nit pick, but I don’t remember Jasper saying “the venom is the only thing that leaves a scar.” I thought he said that the venom stings or is painful or something (someone please correct me if I’m wrong :D). Not to try and totally negate the point…

    Someone brought up the point about why her James bite wound was accepted as a result of Bella going through the window and that has always bugged me.

    And I think Stephenie explained about shmexy times…all the fluids the vamps need is a form of venom…in their circulatory system, to keep their eyes moist and, ahem, other things moist.

    Damn, I need a life.

    • TeamSeth

      I think the go through a window was more to explain her broken leg, excessive bleeding, and possibly that perfectly formed mouth teeth marks on her arm… Yeah, no, it doesn’t work.

      Speaking of scars, I think Jasper is forgetting something: Werewolf bites would likely leave a scar too–something about ripping of your arm or taking out a chunk o’ thigh implies to me a scar. If they’re stagnant, I don’t think vamps can “regrow” limbs and tissue like the Lizard from Spider Man. j/s Of course, there is a rumor that a werewolf bite kills a vampire, but I guess no one would experiment with it, so no one knew for certain. Or is that VampDi?

      • http://www.talksupe.wordpress.com snowwhitedrifted

        Yeah, the werewolf bite kills a vamp in VampDi.
        And in True Blood (books) their limbs grow back (Sophie-Anne’s leg).

      • P.S.

        Wasn’t it in Bree Tanner that re-attatching your limbs was explained? They licked the unattatched limb or ear or whatever, and stuck it back onto their body. Which I guess brings up the question, what if someone ripped your tongue out and you couldn’t lick your limbs. Would you remain ‘alive’ (if that’s what you really are), but in pieces – unless someone burned the pieces? Or another vampire would have to come along and lick all your pieces and put them back together?

        • TeamSeth

          I didn’t read the Bree book, so I’m not sure on that, but if what you’re saying is in there (which I’m assuming it is), you bring up an interesting point on the venom reattachment! What if you have no limbs–how would you even put the first one in place let alone lick it? Plus, this brings up the concept of venom maybe having “types”. Are all vampires of the same generic venom, or do they have types, like blood types? Could you only receive reattachment licking (aka venom super glue) by your same type, or is everyone a universal donor/receiver? AND what if you were changed by lots of vamps at once? Like you got attacked in a mob and somehow survived it long enough to change?

          Oh my gosh. So many new questions!

    • TeamJacobEdward

      Thanks beth!

      Omg! This has been bothering me since I read your post earlier. I was certain Jasper had said that but after reading your note I thought my mind was playing tricks on me making me think things that weren’t true. BUT when I went home, I pulled out Eclipse and found where Jasper says it. (that’s normal)

      Bella asks; “Jasper, what happened to you?” seeing his scars.

      Then on page 287 (beginning of Ch 13) Jasper replies; “The same thing that happened to your hand,” … “Repeated a thousand times.” … “Our venom is the only thing that leaves a scar.”

      Whew! I feel better knowing my mind isn’t making stuff up on me again. :)

      Oh! Bella’s bite. I wondered how the hospital staff didn’t question it! But then I wondered if they paused it off as Bella biting herself. Don’t laugh! I’m serious. :) Think about it, if she was tumbling down fights of stairs, I’d guess she would have let out a scream. She could have landed in a way that rammed her mouth closed and a flailing arm could have been at the wrong place at the wrong time. I know it sounds far fetched, but I want to say I heard somewhere that self-inflicted bite wounds are not unexpected with falls… But that my head could be messing with me. :)

      • TeamSeth

        You may be right about that bite thing! As I was reading your reply I also had the thought that maybe she’d bit herself because she was in so much pain?

        Perhaps they just attributed it to acute oral fixation… because with a boyfriend like Edward, why wouldn’t they immediately think of oral?

      • TeamSeth

        Annnnd I really just said that. :| (embarrassed!)

        • P.S.

          Don’t be embarrassed, that’s normal.

  • FriendofUST

    SMeyer has said they have venom coursing through their bodies like humans have blood, performing many of the same functions. Venom is an all-purpose fluid for sparklepires, replacing saliva and lubrication in eyes (think of the dissolving contacts Bella wore) and, one presumes, fluids needed below the waist in both parties for an enjoyable sexual experience.
    See the “BD” FAQ about vampire pregnancy for more:
    http://www.stepheniemeyer.com/bd_faq.html
    The hair we know doesn’t grow back, but yes, the question of whether it can be cut (and what type of tool might be able to cut it) is unanswered.
    Venom-laced scars stay on sparklepires, but not human who are transformed into vampires. Vampirization wipes the slate clean for humans. Only scars acquired after transforming will remain.
    The issue of internal foreign objects is a good one. Are they simply transformed into a different form of matter the way the organic human parts are, not needing to be pushed out? It is a supernatural process, one involving alchemy and a DNA reconfiguration from 23 to 25 chromosomes, so I don’t see turning implants or hip pins into vampiric body tissue is a big deal. At least not any bigger than turning normal human tissue into vampire tissue.
    TheColdWoman is right about Siobhan as being described as large and with rolls. No supernatural liposuction. I think of it as transforming overweight humans into something like actors wearing fat suits. They no longer jiggle as freely, because they are made of a denser, harder substance. (Think of John Travolta dancing in “Hairspray.” A real person of that size would have had more wobbly bits than a foam fat suit affords.) So I imagine no cellulite and firmness where there was more jello-like wiggle.

    • Michelle

      Steph is that you!?! Girlfriend you BROUGHT the tweed! Kudos! :) :)

      • FriendofUST

        Sorry, nope, not Steph, but thanks for the reply! I used to come around here more regularly.

    • Lovehigh

      Stephenie, is that you? =)

      • Lovehigh

        Oops. Didn’t see Michelle’s reply. I totally duplicated it. You’re just so knowledgable and tweed-like. Loved it!

    • TeamSeth

      “below the waist in both parties for an enjoyable sexual experience.”

      THANK YOU for representing the female side of things! How can we forget that women lube up too?! It takes two to tango, especially for a sultry tango.

      • FriendofUST

        IKR? Everyone is focused on his erection and his semen, but c’mon: Do we want two pieces of raw “marble” rubbing up against each other? ;-)
        It just came to me thinking about the canon explanation of eye lube. It also supports the original TwilightMoms theory (when the site was more fun than fascist in content controls) about “crotch venom” changing Bella.

        • Stacey

          Egads!

        • http://www.talksupe.wordpress.com snowwhitedrifted

          Oh Gawd, the sound of that would be like nails on a chalk board!

        • TeamSeth

          “Do we want two pieces of raw “marble” rubbing up against each other?” Can you imagine the clanking noise that would make!!! No wonder Emmett and Rosalie are so loud… er, wait, no that’s because they destroy the house they’re in because they’re so aggressive.

        • http://www.twitter.com/Halfsh0t Jamie

          I dunno about crotch venom….
          There are many venomous animals who breed and do not have poison in their semen….

        • TeamSeth

          Most venomous animals have little pockets to keep their venom pools in and only release it when in attack mode. This made me think that Edward was that way, but then somewhere I heard/read that he had venom coated teeth at all times. But then in the books it says that he can “feel the venom pooling in his mouth” whenever he gets close to beller’s body (blood). Sigh. Maybe it’s something to do with love/attack modes? Like the carnal energy of sex forces release of venom crotch the same way the carnal energy of killing releases the venom mouth? I never thought he had venom semen though.

  • The Old One

    Just a note: that first picture with the “EW” — the arrow should be pointing to the ring. The scar we don’t mind.

  • The Old One

    Oh, and there’s a satisfactory answer to every single one of these questions, and more, in fanfiction. For instance, there’s one where Edward uses his teeth to shave Bella’s legs after she’s transformed because there wasn’t time to take care of that beforehand.

    • operarose

      Ew! Thumbsdown not to you, but to whoever wrote that fanfic.

      • The Old One

        I agree!

    • Michelle

      Eww okay that made me gag! HAHAHAHAHAA. Honey, can you please shave my legs with your teeth?! I’m sure ff sex’d it up…but ewww.

    • Stacey

      Oh that silly fanfic! Don’t they know shaving is ALICE’S job? (I am just joking about that, seriously…just joking) The idea of Edward doing that doesn’t seem very Edward like.

    • TeamSeth

      Wouldn’t it make more sense to shave her durin gthe change… I mean, hers only lasted like 1.5 days versus 3 since Eddie was hardcore in his bite/lick strategy, but still… doesn’t take me 1.5 days to get a good shave. And razor burn is no issue because it’ll heal. Everything heals, even vampire bites. Jasper’s are only there because he got them POST change. I mean, if Bella’s spinal cord can reattach itself, I’m pretty sure everything heals.

      And on the enhancement thing that TJE brought up, I think it would enhance because it completely changes your physiological state of being–their vision and hearing is totally different than human. Their skin, muscles, nerve endings. Everything.

  • operarose

    I think the real question here is, how do werewolves tie their pants onto their leg when they transform if they have no pose-able thumbs?

    This is where I stop being a good Twilight fan because I’m perfectly happy being in the dark when it comes to some of these body function issues with vampires. (I am “Edwardian” when it comes to bodily functions. Just call me a prude.)

    • The Old One

      They tie the pants on BEFORE they transform, but that doesn’t explain all the times they just fursplode and the pants are ripped apart–they have to hide extra pants all over the forest for when they change back.

      I’m not so Edwardian about this silly need to be covered up all the time — geez, is it so bad to be naked in the woods in front of your pack mates that know all your private thoughts anyway? They should be proud of their ripply physiques and manliness and flaunt it a little, cuz they can!

      • Stacey

        The only reason they are dressed is that it’s a young adult novel. If there was a grownup version, it would be like a wolfpack nudist colony. (which would probably include Leah)

      • TeamSeth

        Serious! How else are they going to get an even russet tan?

      • operarose

        Yeah but the one thing that has always bugged me, is if they tie the pants to their ankle or whatnot, wouldn’t the rope have to be a little tighter (to not slip off) when they’re still human and then it would need to be loosened up a bit when they’re werewolf to accommodate their wolfier ankle girth? Or maybe they just use special wolfpack silly bandz which have some stretchiness.

        I’m thinking in “reality” they just run around nude. I doubt those boys are prudes. Unlike the editors who made Meyer write in the whole pants thing. Quite frankly, thinking about the wolfpack running around without pants makes my mind not be all prudish.

        • operarose

          Note in the movies there’s no pants tied to the CGI-wolves. Nor do we ever see them re-transform into human on camera. Insert immature giggling here.

          • The Old One

            Isn’t there a scene in Eclipse when Jacob gets hurt by the vamp army he transforms back into a human, and his pack mates pick him up to take him back to the rez, and he’s nude? Or did I imagine that?

          • TeamSeth

            You’re not on glue. There’s definitely that scene.

          • operarose

            How could I forget?! I need to see Eclipse again, soon. I need it urgently. (TWSS)

          • Sj

            Operarose – Don’t give up hope, I seem to recall more naked scenes after reverse-fursploding when Jacob was dementedly running between the packs negotiating and such. You hear that Condon? -more naked time after the reverse-fursplode.

          • operarose

            Reverse fursploding = amen.

  • http://thebookishtype.blogspot.com Casey (The Bookish Type)

    Well, I know SMeyer has said that you can cut vampire hair, but it doesn’t grow back so you better be pretty daggone sure you’re going to like the style! lol! It can also be dyed. The question about body hair is a good one though…I got the impression that all vamps were silky smooth. I mean, Bella never gags/drools over Edward’s bushy chest hair, no? Of course, he was only 17 when he changed, so maybe he hadn’t grown any yet…

    As to the manparts thing. SMeyer said male vamps have a vampire-venom-equivalent of semen, which makes the sexytimes possible.

    “Vampires are physically similar enough to their human origins to pass as humans under some circumstances (like cloudy days). There are many basic differences. They appear to have skin like ours, albeit very fair skin. The skin serves the same general purpose of protecting the body. However, the cells that make up their skin are not pliant like our cells, they are hard and reflective like crystal. A fluid similar to the venom in their mouths works as a lubricant between the cells, which makes movement possible (note: this fluid is very flammable). A fluid similar to the same venom lubricates their eyes so that their eyes can move easily in their sockets. (However, they don’t produce tears because tears exist to protect the eye from damage, and nothing is going to be able to scratch a vampire’s eye.) The lubricant-venom in the eyes and skin is not able to infect a human the way saliva-venom can. Similarly, throughout the vampire’s body are many versions of venom-based fluids that retain a marked resemblance to the fluid that was replaced, and function in much the same way and toward the same purpose. Though there is no venom replacement that works precisely like blood, many of the functions of blood are carried on in some form. Also, the nervous system runs in a slightly different but heightened way. Some involuntary reactions, like breathing, continue (in that specific example because vampires use the scents in the air much more than we do, rather than out of a need for oxygen). Other involuntary reactions, like blinking, don’t exist because there is no purpose for them. The normal reactions of arousal are still present in vampires, made possible by venom-related fluids that cause tissues to react similarly as they do to an influx of blood. Like with vampire skin—which looks similar to human skin and has the same basic function—fluids closely related to seminal fluids still exist in male vampires, which carry genetic information and are capable of bonding with a human ovum. This was not a known fact in the vampire world (outside of Joham’s personal experimenting) before Nessie, because it’s nearly impossible for a vampire to be that near a human and not kill her.”

    http://stepheniemeyer.com/bd_faq.html

    Also, here’s somewhat of an answer to the question of what happens with ugly humans when they turn vamp:

    “A: Hopefully I phrased it right the first time. After the transformation, there is no more change–hair doesn’t grow, etc. They are frozen at that state. But there is a marked physical difference before and after. Everything intensifies–senses, abilities, and looks. The change into a vampire makes an average person stunning and a beautiful person absolutely beyond breath-taking. The reason Rosalie is such a beautiful vampire is because she was the most beautiful girl in Rochester, New York when she was human. Maybe the most beautiful girl in the whole state. The reason James is relatively average, for a vampire, is because he was quite unattractive as a human. This is rare, because even vampires are drawn by beauty. They tend to, when looking for companionship, choose exceptional humans. All of the Cullens were attractive humans to start with.”

    http://www.twilightlexicon.com/?p=37

    Me? Read everything SMeyer has ever said? What gave you that idea? (That’s normal, right? Right?!)

    • Michelle

      You are SO normal.

  • http://mainericefamily.blogspot.com no cool name

    Just thinking…

    1) Maybe most of the vampires are super-duper hot because they were pretty attractive humans to begin with. I mean, if you were a vampire and could suck the blood of anyone you wanted, wouldn’t you tend to seek out hotties?

    2) Wouldn’t Bella have a big old c-section scar since it was done by venomous vampire teeth? (Maybe this has been addressed?)

    3) If it doesn’t make sense, just go with it. After all, this is a story about sparkly vampires. SPARKLY VAMPIRES.

    4) If you liked TJE’s letter here, you should check out her sweet fanfic: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6342010/1/Island_Edwards_Isle_Esme

    • Michelle

      Heck, if it doesn’t make sense…celebrate it!

      MMMMMMMM sparkly vampires.

    • Stacey

      TJE’s fanfic is a good one! I fully agree! But then again, so is yours! :0) Chapter 11, please.

      • http://mainericefamily.blogspot.com no cool name

        Actually working on chapter twelve as you read this (chapter eleven is up). Hope to update by the end of the day…maybe??

        • The Old One

          Yay! But stop commenting now, and go go go, as Tim Gunn would say!

          • http://mainericefamily.blogspot.com no cool name

            Can’t stop giggling at the image of Tim Gunn in my kitchen shooing me back to my laptop.

            “I’m a little concerned about that scene at the dinner party with Tanya and Edward. Looks like a bit of a hot mess. Just make it work! Go go go!”

          • TeamSeth

            teehee! So sad Project Runway is done. However, the dinner scene will NOT be a hot mess. Who knows how to serve at table anyway? Not me.

    • MidnightCougar

      @ no cool name, thanks for the new FanFic. I’m new to the FanFic realm, almost done my first one, have 5 or 6 now to read. Excellent, thanks again. :)

    • TeamJacobEdward

      I am so blushing right now NCN…

      & Thx NCN & Stacey for saying sweet things. :)

      • Stacey

        Hey girls, Chapter 16 of Forks is up…finally.

    • http://www.talksupe.wordpress.com snowwhitedrifted

      Ohh, I’ve got to read these! *emailing Stacey for the links*

  • TeamSeth

    Okay, most important question: What the hell are those butterflies doing in the Lisa Frank drawing at the bottom of the letter?

    • http://mainericefamily.blogspot.com no cool name

      You got a problem with Lisa Frank?

      • TeamSeth

        You shut your dirty mouth! Lisa Frank’s golden retrievers and dolphins WERE my childhood school supplies!

    • http://mainericefamily.blogspot.com no cool name

      Because if you don’t think Lisa Frank is awesome then I have a Trapper Keepr from 8th grade that BEGS to DIFFER.

      • Stacey

        I wish I still had mine. That Lisa Frank Trapper Keeper was pure magic. Along with the doodles I put inside with my name and the random 13 year old boy I had a crush on that week.

        I must say that now, looking back if there was a Twilight one with Edward on it, that I would have made my mom buy me one at KMart. It would join my New Kid’s on the Block one with the giant Donnie Walberg head on it.

        • http://mainericefamily.blogspot.com no cool name

          Joey Joe all the way.

      • http://www.talksupe.wordpress.com snowwhitedrifted

        Wow, this is hoe OLD I am… My Trapper Keeper just had abstract neon shapes over a black and white checker board pattern (think Spicoli VANS).

        Gramma out

        • Michelle

          I’m with ya SWD, I think mine was just GASP plain! I was just happy to have the ACTUAL Trapper Keeper and not the Kmart rip-off version. I seem to remember it being royal blue…

          • TeamSeth

            Mine was forest green, but not the real brand. We weren’t rich enough for that or for Jansport backpacks. My Lisa Frank collection consisted of golden retriever pencils and sharpeners (2-pack), stickers, and 2 folders (golden retrievers and one of the dolphins with the sunlight streaming in) Did I mention that I love dogs? lol

        • http://breakindownltt.blogspot.com Unashamed Twi-wife

          LOL. I think just the point that we’re all recalling fond memories of our Trapper Keepers tells how old we are ;)

          Most of mine were boring solid colors. But one year I found the perfect green one with a horse on the front.

          I kinda wish they still made those things.

  • JustGoWithIt

    I’ve never really thought hard about the details, since it instantly takes me out of the mood with fantasy/sci-fi/monster stuff. BUT, I did have a few thoughts about what being made love to be a cold (literally) rock hard cock would be like…ouch.

    • JustGoWithIt

      Thumbs down for getting humped on by a cold rock wee-wee, or thumbs down for not thinking Edward’s man parts would bring pleasure upon pleasure? Really……cold, marble hard, doesn’t make you think speculum? “Okay Bella, you’re going to feel a bit of pinch here. Relax, let your knees fall to the sides. Think about a meadow full of flowers…”
      Maybe Edward could warm his wiener by the fire before insertion?

  • MidnightCougar

    @ TeamJacobEdward: I thought your LTT was one of the best I have read in a while. I can honestly say, I read every word. I am a literary nerd & love to dissect & anaylze everything I read, so I get all your questions.
    I too have asked myself many of these questions before, but I’ve found some answers on SM’s website, as well on http://www.twilightlexicon.com/

    I can totally relate to having read Twilight “for the bajillionth time.” It is my favorite Twilight Saga book – the beginning love story plot truly captivates me each & every time I read it.

    The powers of venom? Ahh, if only I could get my hands on just a little, I think most Moms would agree with me when I say, “I would start with the baby stretch marks.” lol

    Great Job: MC :)

    • TeamJacobEdward

      *takes bow*
      Thank you!! :D

      Ahh vampire venom… Three is a HUGE market for that stuff. Liquid Gold.

  • http://www.talksupe.wordpress.com snowwhitedrifted

    Agh!! I loved this letter, TeamJacobEdward!!!
    It coincides with a post draft I’m writing about the vampires and not-aging.
    The hair- In Anne Rice realm the hair is in it’s “glorified” state. The hair can easily be cut, but grows back momentarily.

    Anywho. YES! I tought of all of these things when reading Twilight.
    Also eyebrows- what if you didn’t tweeze/ wax the strays that day? Well, maybe that explains Jane’s and Rob’s brows.

    Also, what about the nether hairstyles? 70′s Playboys look very different than todays. Is Alice equipped with a shag carpet, area rug, or hardwood flors… for all eternity?

    • Stacey

      Oh no you didn’t! I thought they got all hairless (except on their heads) like 1/2 naked Edward in New Moon. Hmm…

  • Chayo0506

    Can someone please tell me why I had not heard of the movie Love and Distrust?

    FAIL!!!

  • LatersBaby

    Regarding the unchanging vampire hair:

    So, it’s the CHARACTERS in the films wearing wigs, not the actors.

    This is starting to make more sense.

    • theseviolentdelights

      That must have been hard to explain during the shmexy-times on Isle Esme when they were out in the water. I can just imagine Beller spotting some form of a toupee floating in the ocean, “Edward, um…where is your hair?”

      • Sj

        Bwahaha – now how am I going to get through this scene in the movie without cracking up and making people throw popcorn at me. And you know, it’s just never going to be complete without that floating toupee…maybe in the director’s cut.

      • MidnightCougar

        OMG, what a hilarious vision you just put in my head! You know girl, it will be your fault when I’m laughing my ass off during that honeymoon sex scene! :)

  • http://www.twitter.com/Halfsh0t Jamie

    So, I have a conundrum. I apparently know a unicorn.
    My friends ex husband (they are still really good friends) has apparently been reading Twilight non-stop and re-watching the movies over and over again. I’ve thought about telling him about the website, but here’s the problem. The guy has a huge crush on me. I’m not interested at all (He’s too old for me. I’m 24, and I won’t date anyone more than 12 yrs older than me, and I’m also just not into him) and don’t want him to think I’m interested by bringing up a common obsession or leading him to my fav website haunt with the possibility of cyber stalking me?
    What do you guys think? Do I tell him anyways? Do I stay in the closet and not let on that I’m into it too?

    • TeamSeth

      Well, of course it’s your decision, but just consider how much you want to let him “into” your life. Sometimes people like Twi but not any of the other stuff (like LTT or any additional info), my Unicorn rarely reads LTT even though he knows about it and has commented. But sometimes people like LTT more than Twi itself (me). You just never know. So, you have to assume he will LOVE LTT and then you have to decide if you want him to be a part of that part of your daily life.

      ps-I love the word “conundrum” hehe

    • http://mainericefamily.blogspot.com no cool name

      I vote for not telling him. I know, it seems a little selfish but do you really want to inhibit yourself here? Also, I’m guessing the fewer connections the two of you have the better, judging from your comment.

    • http://breakindownltt.blogspot.com Unashamed Twi-wife

      Stay in the closet. You don’t need the extra drama.

    • http://www.twitter.com/Halfsh0t Jamie

      Thanks guys :) I’m not gonna tell him. And if anyone wants a Unicorn of their own I can direct him your way. Very nice guy, just not my type.
      Its also nice just to be able to come here and chat and leave RL behind. If someone I knew in RL was on here…. I dunno how I’d feel.

  • TeamSeth

    Cyndi, where the eff are you?! This is me freaking out.

    • http://mainericefamily.blogspot.com no cool name

      Do I need to start knocking on doors in Oxford County? Cyn, where arrrrrre yoooooouuuuu?

    • TeamJacobEdward

      You’re worrying us Cyn. I hope you’re okay.

    • MidnightCougar

      Hi LTT ladies, I know you gals are as worried about Cyn as I was; I too was freaking out that I hadn’t heard from her, but I had several e-mails from Cyn today, & she is just taking a little break. :)

      • TeamSeth

        Thanks for the update! :) Tell her hello from us!

        • MidnightCougar

          I will, I actually just e-mailed her & told her that some of you LTT ladies were concerned about her & were wondering where she was, & that I had given you a little update. She sure is one special lady.

    • MidnightCougar

      @ TeamSeth, no cool name, & TeamJacobEdward:
      I just got an e-mail back from Cyn & this is what she wanted me to tell all you lovely ladies:

      “Please let them know that I miss them all terribly and hopefully things will improve and I will be back if it is at all possible! It is very hard being away! Also, if anyone wants to email I will really try and get back to them as soon as possible, but it may take me a little bit.”

  • notyourbusiness

    Dear LTT,

    It’s not funny anymore when you fail to notice that you’re being insensitive to others’ physical condition. I’m not trolling, I’m just making a point.

    • http://mainericefamily.blogspot.com no cool name

      Specifically what? (Sincere question.) I don’t think any of us here want to be jerks.

    • TeamJacobEdward

      I too am honestly curious as to what you mean with your comment. I personally didn’t mean to be insensitive or a jerk it anything with my questions. As well as I believe the ladies and unicorns that frequent here don’t mean to be mean with their questions and comments. Not in the least.

      • notyourbusiness

        I’m not talking about the commentators of this post but the people who came up with the idea to post these photos without any disclaimer that ‘hey, we’re posting these photos just ‘for fun’ and not to mock people with these physical conditions’. I get it that the people who own this website can post anything they want ’cause they’re the ones who spend money on this thing, but once you put it out there (esp. on the internet) be thoughtful enough to put disclaimers to topics/photos like these ’cause there are people who don’t see this as funny unless you tell them upfront that you aren’t mocking them and you’re actually trying to be funny.

    • TeamSeth

      But, but the vampires can’t help that their ice cold, rock hard skin sparkles and they have venom in their veins. It’s not a lifestyle choice, they were reborn that way!

      • P.S.

        You know things are bad when you feel guilty for being rude to vampires.

    • http://www.twitter.com/Halfsh0t Jamie

      As you indicated pictures, I’m thinking that what upset you was the manip. of Kristen plus size. I’m a size 18, 200lb women. I’m fat, and this did not upset me. In fact, I thought it was funny, and had the same questions as well.
      Are you refering to the question about someone missing a leg or knee etc? I’m sure there are some disabled people on here who will gladly tell you they weren’t insulted.
      We’re discussing a fictional book. Can you seriously say you’ve never had these thoughts about the twilight world? I have. But then again, maybe I’m just an oddball.

  • Sj

    So many questions answered! I can accept the seminal fluids theory and am even willing to ignore the blatant absurdity of wolves tying string, but I still have 2 questions left:

    1. If someone is transformed during sexytimes, do they then remain in constant state of being Big In Japan? And can it ever be resolved? and
    2. If scars, broken bones, missing limbs etc get ‘corrected’ when transformed then what about the hymen? Am pretty sure this has been asked before but can’t remember it being resolved. Do non-virgins get reborn as virgins? And if so, how can Edward hope to get through Bella’s newborn super-hymen?

    *In view of these remaining questions, is SM actually a sadist???

    • The Old One

      There was a fanfic I read where Edward refused to give Bella the “human experience” she wanted on the honeymoon, so she became an eternal vampire virgin, meaning it was very very painful the first time around, and then, being vampire, the hymen grew back, so every other time was very painful too. Bella left Edward and became an angry vengeful vampire wreaking havoc throughout the world.

      • LatersBaby

        I haven’t seen that one..but I recently read one where Edward and Bella had sex right before the transformation (with Carlisle in the next room), to avoid that nasty hymen growing back problem.

    • TeamSeth

      oh my! I never thought about the hymen! But i think since they do so much intense running/exercise, it probably is broken right away from that. PLUS I think that instead of “regrowing” the skin, it may just heal the perforated edges instead. Let’s hope anyway. Otherwise we know the REAL reason vampires can’t reproduce, the hymen, with it’s rock hard marble like skin, can’t be broken (except by vampire or werewolf teeth–SADIST FOR CERTAIN!) and thus nothing can enter!

      • Sj

        Hmmmm. Oh oh – what about people who’ve had sex change operations?!! just trying to keep it classy :)

        PS TS email on way.

    • http://www.twitter.com/Halfsh0t Jamie

      I kind of remember somewhere in the book that Edward says there’s only so much venom can fix. If the injury just happened, no problem. If you had your appendix removed when you were 6 and got turned at 22, I don’t think your appendix would grow back.
      Because Bellas hymen was broken weeks before, I’m thinking it didn’t grow back. But if we’re saying it does, what about someone who was circumcized? Would a foreskin grow back? Its interesting….

  • MidnightCougar

    @ Midnight_Cyn, where are you sweet lady? I haven’t seen you here or had an e-mail from you lately Cyndi. I hope you’re OK. Thinking of you. xo MC

    • TeamSeth

      MidCoug, I am very, very cross with you for changing your avatar.

      • MidnightCougar

        Don’t fret my friend, Rob as James Dean is saved in a safe place & he WILL come out to play again soon! This avi is same as the laminiated poster of Rob I have in my house! ;)

        • TeamSeth

          I just want to take this moment to point out that not only does Daniel Cudmore not have a poster of himself at all, but he doesn’t even have a poster of him as Felix in costume. You Rob people–LUCKY LUCKY LUCKY!

          • MidnightCougar

            See now TS you’ve just described another prime example of why you should change Teams! :)

          • TeamSeth

            :’(

          • MidnightCougar

            I didn’t mean to make you sad TS. I’m Sorry. :(
            There I changed my avi back just for you! :)

  • TeamJacobEdward

    Omg! You guys are so awesome! The questions! The comments! The answers! There its too much awesomeness! I’m failing, I want to reply to so much more but as usual RL is getting in the way. I’m going to try, but don’t think I’ll make it. I just wanted to tell you all thank you for the fodder. I knew asking LTTers many of my bazillion questions was a great idea! I’m loving this. :)

    You girls (and unicorns) ROCK!

  • alisheeba79

    “so does that mean boy vamps use the blood they’ve sucked off prey to make “it” work? And therefore, if said vampire hasn’t fed… does that mean he doesn’t get sexy time because he doesn’t have the blood in his system to make it work?”

    I think this answer lies in another book LOL. “Destined For An Early Grave” by Jeaniene Frost bottom of pg 288 & top of 299.

    I think the answer lies VERY clear LOL ;}

  • MammaLovesHerSomeEdward

    Here is my take on these main oh-so-intriguing questions. Please be kind, I am a newbie here and I love this site! You all are the wittiest twi fans by far.
    Scars: I believe that any scars, vampire or otherwise, inflicted before the transformation would be erased. Otherwise Edward would have shown Bella his scar from Carlise’s bite when he told his story. Also we would likely have seen scars on the other Cullen’s, of course depending on where they were bitten. Jasper’s scars were a result of his vampire tough as nails (or diamonds, or granite or whatever) skin being damaged, not pliable human skin.
    Hair: Twivamps (aka Sparklepires) hair is described as being the most human like part of them. I believe it can be cut, curled, colored just like human hair. Of course since it doesn’t grow one must be very careful about styling it. No drastic 80′s Flock of Seagull’s styled hair that you couldn’t grow out. But yes you could regret the mullet and lose the party in the back.
    Eyes: Yeah, I don’t know either. To me blood is blood and the eyes would be the same but obviously Stephenie knows something I don’t. I do like the eyes darkening with hunger/desire. Mmm sexy.
    Beautiful people: Stephenie has said that beauty is intensified. A beautiful person would become breathtaking, an average person, beautiful and an ugly person average(paraphrasing, of course). Of course beauty takes all shapes and forms and is certainly in the eye of the beholder. (Think Team Edward vs. Team Jacob) We all have different tastes. I do believe that all evidences of infirmites, illnesses, handicaps would be erased by the transformation process (back to the Elephant Man discussion above), as would scars, tatts deviated septum etc. The body would be restored to a perfect glorious state. Body size would be whatever is the perfest size for that individual. Some people look more natural with curves and some would look better thinner. So we could also bring up the issue of overly thin vampies who may put on some weight during the change.
    Schmexy Time: Yeah, as said before, vemom replaces any bodily fluids previously needed by humans and acts in whatever capacity is needed for that body system. So vemon, not recently consumed human blood, would be more likely to provide needed fluids to make and maintain an erection for hours and hours of headboard bending, pillow biting fun. (hold on, I need a moment)
    OK, I’m back. As far as a cold winkie. It would warm up somewhat by being next to Bellas’ umm skin, like Edward’s hand did, but it doesn’t warm to room temperature, it stays very cold. Think Bella’s pregnancy when Jacob and Edward were trading off keeping Bella warm/cool as needed. Edward was an every ready ice pack. Hey I have a stiff neck, think he would mind? So yes he would feel pretty cold but sometimes that is a little fun. Tell me no one here has experimented with strawberry swirl ice cream. No? Ok, me neither, let’s move on. A cold man part might make actually losing “it” more comfortable. When the deed is done, a ready made ice pack is there to take down the swelling. Could have been helpful.
    Just my two cents. Thanks for the thought provoking conversation.

  • jas

    How would blood even circulate to …THAT part. Their hearts don’t pump blood anymore, right?

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