You know that “list” we’re always talking about… the list with the names of all the crazies who set stalk, call you daily, want to BE Kristen or Rob or Taylor or Mike Welch or have been found in the bushes outside of Rob’s parents home? If you need video or pictures to help train your staff on how to distinguish people who should be on “the list” that I think I’ve found your answer.
It looks like MovieFone’s done ALL the legwork for you. They have a contest going where fans submit videos explaining why they’re the biggest Twilight fan. All you need to do is contact Moviefone, watch these videos and then perform a sting operation to infiltrate the crazies lair of crazy (I’m trademarking that) and take these people down
How to spot someone on “The List”
1. If someone says “this is more than an obsession, it’s a way of life.” You need to give them the side eye and the simultaneous head nod to have security send them to the “safe zone” aka the back of the paddy wagon. Decorate it with Twilight posters and they’ll think they’re in a special after party location instead of being driven to the edge of town and dumped after the event is over.
2. If someone mentions anything using the word “bullets” whether taking one for a cast member or has a membership to the gun club or tells you they just finished their 7 day mandatory wait period before buying a handgun, don’t hesitate, immediately illuminate the “Twi Signal” in the sky (a sparkling paw print) and have Dean or the Po-po take them down.
3. During the above mentioned sting operation, when you bust through the door of their home like the Feds looking for Elian Gonzalez if you see movie quotes such as “You are my life now” proceed with take down. Use a rolled up Harpars Bazaar or Vanity Fair as a gag if they start getting mouthy or quoting Twilight
4. Are they wearing a wedding dress and veil for unexplained reasons?
5. Is there any sort of Twilight Tattoo involved?
6. If someone has both Edward & Jacob posters on her wall, grab her fast. She’s not picky- she’ll take either and they are the craziest kind.
7. If the posters are ALL Kristen, they’re a Krisbian and they can be the most hardcore and most dedicated, so take them down immediately or risk them using their well practiced “Bitch brow” to stare you into submission. And no one wants to be stared at like a petulant teenager.
You see Summit, with my handy checklist and this video you’ll be able to spot the crazies and get rid of them as necessary so that the rest of us can enjoy all Twilight events without having to wear the Twilight bullet proof vest that’s available at Hot Topic.
Now will you take US off the list? Thanks!
Do you think you’d be on the list? Is this girl crazy or normal? Can you identify or are you too busy painting Twilight quotes on the wall of your cell bedroom?
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