We get the best emails from you guys, funny, cute, sad, sweet, touching, weird, head scratchers and down right, WTF’s in our inbox all the time and though we can’t always respond to every one we love them just the same, so when this email containing reasons you might be a Twilight addict came through our inbox courtesy of Em of M I thought I’d give it a whirl and see if I was truly a Twihard or just normal (aka the same). AAANNNDDD I just saw Blue Valentine and I’m still trying to process what the HALE I just saw so a list it is……………
A bunch of Reasons You Might Be a Twilight/Rob/Edward Addict: (edited for size)
1. You dream about Edward regularly. – Actually I don’t think I’ve EVER had an Edward or Twilight related dream which is weird considering how I talk about this stuff every day. Or maybe this IS all a dream! Ohhh Inception moment yall!
2. You dream about Rob regularly. – I can honestly say I think I’ve only ever had ONE dream with Rob in it and TomStu was there too. I’ll let you take that however you want to.
3. You always order mushroom ravioli every time you go to Olive Garden. – The “Tour of Italy” and the unlimited Soup, Salad and Breaksticks just like Big Daddy would, aka the 15.95 colonic.
4. You wear t-shirts with Edward’s face on it. - As the blog Gods and you all are my witnesses I have and will NEVER wear Edward’d face across my boobs. Now Jasper and/or Jacob on a motorcycle, as a joke……. MAYBE.
5. All your usernames and passwords are Twilight-related. – That might explained why we were hacked a few months back. The bored hackers in Eastern Europe knew our love of Edward and obviously guessed our passwords were cu11enluvr108 and 3dwardanth0nymasenb3s4f3.
6. You regularly quote the books and movies. – If “Be Safe,” “They’re not bears,” “Let’s do this,” and “Purple’s cool” is quoting the movies then YES, a big yes.
7. You are used to the strange looks you get when you quote the books and movies in public. - I write a blog about Twilight if someone thinks me saying “Be Safe” is weird, they are in for a BIG surprise.
8. You draw pictures of Edward when you should be paying attention in class. – Well seeing as I’m an adult I draw them on my grocery shopping list and in the margins of the internet bill.
9. You start using words like chagrin, murmur, and dazzle all the time. – You forget my favorites: glower, irrevocably, and Renesmee.
10. You visit your favorite bookmarked Twi-sites at least once a day, but you’re usually online all day, waiting for updates. - I should probably erase my browsing history on my work computer if I want to keep my job… but maybe it’s my silent plea for help or maybe I just want to be fired for “Twilight related offenses.” Let’s see which one the unemployment secretary believes.
12. You’ve named pets or inanimate objects after Edward, Rob or other characters from the series. – Our beta fish is named Napoleon and we tell him to “come get some ham” when we throw the pellets in his bowl. I have boundaries people!
13. You’ve named your children after Edward, Rob or one of the other characters from the series. - No but it’s one of the stipulations I put on my match.com profile. And yet I haven’t gotten any responses…. curious.
14. Whenever you meet someone from Arizona, you ask them, “How you likin’ da rain, girl?” – No but my MOM said that to me one time when I went home (to AZ) for a visit. TRUE STORY!
15. You think ‘Spider-monkey’ is a great pet-name for your significant other. – I could punch whoever wrote that line.
16. You bought a bracelet or a ring just like Bella’s (and not the fugly engagement ring, the other one she wears on her index finger) and wear them proudly. – Do they sell this at Hot Topic or should I wait till the next TwiCon rolls through town?
17. You carry a copy of one of the books wherever you go, and you bring the whole set with you when you go on vacation. – I’d like to get laid in the next decade, thanks.
18. You’ve made a personalized license plate out of Rob’s or Edward’s names. – Yup: AKL-3295 is totally code for something Rob/Edward related.
20. You wrote a serious paper for class about the series. – I write a blog called Letters to Twilight EVERY DAY (sorta) does that count?
21. You fantasize that Rob and/or Edward is in love with you. - Wait, is this is a bad thing?
22. You practice your ‘dazzling’ look in the mirror. – I’m doing it right now, can you see?
23. You’ve spent long hours wondering about what Jacob and Renes-whatever’s children are going to look like. -I spent hours trying to figure out how to spell her name.
25. You’ve made jorts from a pair of jeans. - I do live in Hipsterville area of Los Angeles, DUH. This is a requirement upon moving into this neighborhood: jorts, weird facial hair, no bra, smokes a pack a day, rides a fixie and listens to bands no one’s ever heard of.26. You act out scenes from the books with your friends, significant other, and stuffed animals (if they’re needed for those loads and loads of extra characters in Breaking Dawn.) – Only on my LARPing weekends. I’m Celeste Donavon from the Port Charles coven.
29. You hope to run into Cougar Cathy whenever you go to TGIFridays. – I live for this possibility… and the hope that maybe she’ll give me Jamaican vacation braids while showing me THE AUDITION tape on repeat.
30. You hope to run into Big Daddy Lautner whenever you go to Olive Garden. – See above only this time I hope he gives me a big bear hug and teaches me the finer points of choosing which sauce and pasta combo on the Endless Pasta bowl menu item leaves the most room for dessert.
31. You have multiple sets of the books and multiple versions of the movies. – Obviously everyone needs a “loaner” set. DUH.
33. You read the books that Stephenie says inspired her when writing: for Twilight, Pride and Prejudice, for New Moon, Romeo and Juliet, for Eclipse, Wuthering Heights, and for Breaking Dawn, The Merchant of Venice and Midsummer Night’s Dream. – Yes, it’s called required reading in high school and college lit classes.
34. You cried when Buttcrack Santa died in Twilight. – I sobbed.
35. Every time you have a dream, you try to write a best-selling, teen-sensation, multi-million-dollar story based off of it. – Your lips to God’s (or Little Brown’s) ears…
36. You’ve attended Comic Con just because Rob was going to be there. - I used to attend for work, now I just use work as a cover for my real motives: losing my hearing to 50 year old women screaming out “ROB show me your sparklepeen!”
39. You like for your significant other to hitch your leg whenever you two are gettin’ cozy. – Yea, it’s weird when Rob asks me to stop requesting that move though. Kinda kills the mood.
41. Your diet consists mostly of Heineken and Hot Pockets. – More like Diet Coke and Twilight conversations hearts and Sky chocolate bars with the Cullen crest on them.
So, I guess you could say I’m sort of a Twilight fan from the facts listed above. I mean you haven’t really lived until you’ve photoshopped some actors head on a dude in a drive through window or coming out of a porta potty or on a dude with a mullet. And you also haven’t lived till you’ve eaten your weight in nasty conversation hearts while quoting the Twilight movies with the girl you blog about Twilight with… I mean yea, I’m sort of a fan…. maybe.
Ok, I’m a fan, you caught me.
It’s funny how we can simultaneously say yes and HALE no to the same question about whether we’re a fan or not. Any you would like to add? Throw ‘em in the comments.