Dear Access Hollywood and Jennifer Love Hewitt,
Seriously, girlfriend? And while we’re at it, SERIOUSLY Access Hollywood and Billy Bush? You asked Jennifer Love Hewitt to hit the Breaking Dawn red carpet with you this coming November? I mean sure, we weren’t on Party of Five and sure we don’t whisper to ghosts and ok, maybe we weren’t in a John Mayer video and we definitely weren’t engaged to Jamie Kennedy but COME ON we can do this!!! If that’s the kinda background and experience you’re looking for in a journalist to cover the Breaking Dawn Red Carpet than I’m sure we can make that stuff happen… I’m sure Fox will rehire that dude from Lost, and the rest of the Party of Five cast… the baby might be a bit old now but we can make Bailey love us! And I’m sure if I took a stroll down Sunset I could find Jamie Kennedy somewhere and make him fall madly in love with us. The ghost whispering thing might be a bit hard but DUDE we’re ready. Put us in the game coach! You need EXPERIENCED people on the carpet not starry eyed actresses with big racks. Heck, I’ve got a decent rack but I’ve also got GOOD QUESTIONS! We’ve got stuff Jennifer Love Hewitt’s never even thought to ask. She’ll be too busy asking Mike Welch where “Edward” is when we’d be asking him if TrimSpa (baby!) really works.
Would you rather have J Love, who at best has been on a couple tv shows and has access to Billy Bush (apparently) or us? Two girls who have interviewed Stephenie Meyer, Jackson Rathboner, appeared in an MSN series, stalked seen the cast at a billion events, AND been on TV ourselves and interviewed for mags tons of times ABOUT Twilight? We’ve got what you’re looking for and it’s NOT questions like “Team Edward or Team Jacob?” Clearly, the correct answer there is Team Billy Bush (wink wink!!). We’ve got questions like…
- What do you do during the time when McDonald’s takes the McRib off their menu?
- (to: Solomon Trimble, Taylor Lautner’s dad, Chris Hansen, the wig lady (defs on the red carpet))
Be honest, do you have Google alerts for your name and did you turn them off after we clogged you inbox?
- (to the underage actors) Are you going to actually stay and watch the movie or will you head straight of the open bar at the after party? Follow up question: What’s your poison?
- (to Stephenie Meyer) Have you ever called your husband Pancho, “Nacho” in the heat of the moment? Follow up: wanna go get margs after this and gossip! We swear we won’t tell!
- (to BooBoo Stewart) If you had the gift of Xray vision instead of the Werewolf gene tonight- whose dress do you wish you could see thorugh right now and don’t say J Love Hewitt!
- (to Taylor Lautner) Have you thought about opening up any Red Lobsters or McDonald’s franchises with all this money you’ve been making? It’s all about diversifying your portfolio!
- (to Rob) True or False – when you and TomStu went underwear shopping last year you never actually bought the pack, did you? You just made it look that way so people would stop talking about your hygiene. You’re actually currently wearing a pair from 2001.
- (to Kristen) Does it creep you out that people fantasize about your love life? Follow up question: how DOES the bearskin rug feel?
Ok, ok calm down Summit (or Access Hollywood) we’d never actually ask these questions… well maybe the X-Ray vision one but they’d be this fun we can promise that. So screw you Access Hollywood, you couldn’t handle our kind of awesome, keep your C-list actress correspondent and we’ll head straight to the top (aka behind the barricades with the confused homeless people). It’ll be YOUR lose. Besides, we clean up well!
This has been Moon direct from the office chair red carpet,
PS Jennifer Love Hewiit, we get it, you’re a fangirl like the rest of us… but trust us leave this to the professionals!
Can you guys believe this ish?! J Love is up before us?! UGH! The humanity, the unfairness of it all! What questions would you asked if you got on the BD red carpet?