The Top 19 things I think about Taylor Lautner on his Birthday

Tay Tay's idea of a good birthday

Dear Taylor,

Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to YOU
you look like you’re the kinda guy Chris Hansen is gonna come after soon…
Happy Birthday to YOUUUU

Moon & I were talking the other day about how we have these perceptions of celebrities (mostly Twilight stars) and their lives that most likely are exaggerated or completely untrue. Like, does Nikki Reed actually have multiple STDs (probably) and WILL Ashley Greene for sure try to steal someone’s boyfriend if she ever meets him (most likely). And DO Rob & Kristen really make the sweetest love with bubbles popping all around them & kittens & bunnies running in circles while they’re on a bear skin rug? (Duh). You know what I’m saying. Sometimes we run with a quote from an article, or idea or rumor SO far that we truly start to believe it ourselves. So for your 19th birthday, I thought I’d share the Top 19 things I think about you that may or not be true:

1. You’re still so obsessed with Taylor Swift that hers is the only CD you play (yes, I also think you’re the one person left on earth with a DiscMan) and you have magazines of her stacked in your hotel room & the walls are papered with posters of her. Plus you buy Clean & Clear face wash. Just because she’s in the commercials.

2. You actually carry around a baggie full of meat wherever you go & a bottle of ketchup in your back pocket at all time.

3. Despite being one of the highest paid actors of the last year, you still live at home with your parents when you’re not filming & you have a twin bed, share a bathroom with your sister & on occasion can be found playing with Teenage Mutant Ninja turtle figurines that you still have stashed in your closet

4. This is legitimately how you looked before fame:

5. Your dad is really your BFF and you two actually own all the Olive Garden franchises found in The Valley. Plus you bought that cookbook where you learn the secrets of chain restaurants, and the one thing you DO use your hard earned money for is a private chef- but he’s only allowed to cook from the Olive Garden section of the cookbook. And occasionally the Red Lobster pages. But he doesn’t tell Big Daddy

7. Sometimes the person in the hotel room next to you wakes up in the middle of the night to someone groggily singing what sounds like the Taylor Swift song “Back to December.” You sing it in your sleep

She won't leave me alone!!!

8. Instead of explaining to your friends who visit the set who “Renesmee” is who you have been filming a lot of scenes with, you just say she’s one of the sound guy’s daughters who follows you around and wants an autograph

9. While you’re a black belt in Karate & could probably hold your own against some of the greatest fighters out there, you’re deathly afraid of spiders. And ironically, wolves

10. You actually have no Native American in you & are actually a natural pale skinned red-head. Hair dye & a tanning bed have changed your life.

11. Considering one of your favorite movies is The Notebook (according to IMDB), you have a bigger crush on Ryan Gosling than I do. And I didn’t think that was possible

12. You only like the feel of leather against your skin. So instead of cotton sheets, you commissioned a special set of all leather sheets for you twin bed in the Lautner family home

13. You learned that in Hollywood and throughout most of the world, being a good Christian boy confuses people into thinking you’re gay (the leather and subscription to Men’s health don’t help either)

14. You are adopted. But Big Daddy Lautner won’t tell & still blames your differences on a “thyroid issue”

15. Every year for your birthday Rob has bought you a case of Heineken. Every year you have let it go to waste because you made a vow not to drink until you’re legally able to (21 in the US for all you foreigners!)

16. The$12,500,000 + 2.5% of the gross times TWO that you’re making for Breaking Dawn Parts 1 & 2 are just sitting in a can under your bed. You have absolutely no idea what to do with it (Call me! I have some ideas)

17. You’ve considered being the one who cashes in on the “Robsten” story after People Magazine offered you 2 mil to tell YOUR side of Rob & Kristen’s love story

18. Even though you’re a regular LTT reader, you didn’t realize what we meant when we said Taylor Swift was DTF until the other night when you accidentally watched “The Jersey Shore” http://letterstotwilight.com/2010/11/05/back-to-december-and-back-to-swiftner-we-break-it-down/

19. When you go to football games or go see the Lakers play, you are actually there for the sport & not just to see the Cheerleaders

Happy 19th Birthday Taylor! I can’t believe you’re almost out of your teen years!!!!

Love US & All of us at LTT! XOXO

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store
  • natteringyeahrobber

    Taylor’s scoop to People – cannot wait to see that. “Sometimes when two grown-ups love other (or have had too much grown-up beverage and it is dark and convenient and why not, since there is not much else to do when you cannot leave your hotel building due to Defcon 4 security measures), they need to be close together. And sometimes they need to touch body parts, but it is nothing to be scared about. Daddy is not hurting Mommy…er I mean Rob is not hurting Kristen. It is just a grown-up way to hug. At first, I was worried, but Rob gave me this book called “What is Happening to My Body” and it all started to make sense. I really recommend it.”

    • natteringyeahrobber

      Dear Sweet Taylor:
      Sorry to mock you on your birthday. I cannot help it, I was hardwired this way. You are better off without Swifty. She didn’t give you any more street cred. And The Notebook. Even though I couldn’t make it past the lying down in the street scene, I am happy you are at peace with your sensitive side. Now please for the love of God do not take any caveman themed roles going forward. I know you have millions and can afford to take dumb parts, but you are better than that. And if a Senator asks you over to judge his wide stance, please just click your heels twice and walk away. You’ll thank me later for this. – Me

      • Anonymous

        p.s. I feel horrible now for mocking you on your birthday. In true remorse. You seem like a nice guy, truly, you do. I should perhaps try to watch The Notebook so I can get in touch with my buried deeeep down sensitive side. Really, I have one. Too many years of working with lawyers has done this to me. I sounded like Joan Rivers above, but I did mean what I said about avoiding creepy Senators and caveman movies. Just keep doing what you do and I don’t actually believe any of the above rumors except spiders. Everyone is afraid of them.

      • Anonymous

        I get a kick out of how in your first comment you are just too funny & then you are super sweet and apologizing in your next comment.

        I am sure Taylor understands. He seems like the type who would laugh with you about your jokes.

        Also, I second your advice about his movie roles. Not that I’m an expert or anything, but I agree that he seems better than many of the roles he’s been cast in lately. Not that he needs to go all Indie and do a movie about a tortured Spanish painter, but I think he could take on something slightly meatier. (Really no pun intended there…also no TWSS intended either.)

        Finally, about the girls, I also agree. I see him ending up with some nice brainiac girl with glasses and multiple phDs, like Amy Farrah Fowler from Big Bang Theory (but with a heart and a sense of humor).

        • Anonymous

          He’s still a kid to me, so I felt bad. But you are right, he’d understand. Isn’t he coming out with some more-serious-type role? Sorry, I don’t follow Taylor outside of magazines in my dentist office, but I do remember reading something about some serious role somewhere.

        • TeamSeth

          Wait, Taylor’s in new movies? When did that happen?

    • natteringyeahrobber

      Dear Sweet Taylor:
      Sorry to mock you on your birthday. I cannot help it, I was hardwired this way. You are better off without Swifty. She didn’t give you any more street cred. And The Notebook. Even though I couldn’t make it past the lying down in the street scene, I am happy you are at peace with your sensitive side. Now please for the love of God do not take any caveman themed roles going forward. I know you have millions and can afford to take dumb parts, but you are better than that. And if a Senator asks you over to judge his wide stance, please just click your heels twice and walk away. You’ll thank me later for this. – Me

    • http://twitter.com/tracitalynne Traci Olsen

      This is my favorite thing in the history of forever.

  • Notanaddikt Bella

    “you’re deathly afraid of spiders. And ironically, wolves”
    You should let people vote on which rumors you think are most likely true. I think this one will win big time.

  • Notanaddikt Bella

    “you’re deathly afraid of spiders. And ironically, wolves”
    You should let people vote on which rumors you think are most likely true. I think this one will win big time.

    • Alice_NaA

      oh hey!

    • http://letterstotwilight.com UnintendedChoice

      after i wrote that I found on imdb that he is actually afraid of reptiles, so it’s not a far stretch to think he’s probably afraid of wolves too.

      • TeamSeth

        All reptiles? That’s really broad. Is it the cold blood? Maybe something bad happened in the Reptile House in the Michigan zoo (he’s from michigan, right?)… something that *no one* talks about… that his phsychiatrist has been helping him deal with for years, but he still can’t remember what happened–like in The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Oh Taylor! I’m so sorry they made you go to Louisiana to the bayous!

        • Anonymous

          ‘Maybe something bad happened in the Reptile House’

          Yes, actually I heard his parents make him sleep under the stairs and have you noticed that weird scar?

  • http://twitter.com/daniellesuchy Danielle Suchy

    I am thoroughly creeped out by the thought of Taylor having leather sheets. *shudders*

  • http://twitter.com/daniellesuchy Danielle Suchy

    I am thoroughly creeped out by the thought of Taylor having leather sheets. *shudders*

    • Anonymous

      It makes it seem as if he is heavily into BDSM.
      “It needs more leather! And that wall needs some more chains…”

  • ChillinWithCullens

    Awww! So proud to be sharing my birthday with Tay-Tay!!

    • http://letterstotwilight.com UnintendedChoice

      Happy Happy Birthday!!!

    • JennB33

      Happy birthday!! Get thee to an Olive Garden, stat!

    • Anonymous

      Happy Birthday! 5 days after mine.

    • Anonymous

      Happy Birthday! 5 days after mine. We had planned to eat at the OG, but I changed my mind last minute and went to Red Lobster instead.

      • TeamSeth

        Mmm, their biscuits are the best. Much better than the breadsticks imo.

  • JennB33

    Happy birthday, Tay-Tay! Hope Big Daddy takes you out for an all-you-can-eat birthday extravaganza at the Olive Garden tonight! Maybe you’ll get a special note passed to you from Swifty: do you like me, circle one yes / no

  • chochang

    wait. does he actually have American Indian blood? i honestly don’t know. #fanfail

    • Anonymous

      I think at some point they said he does. But it was like he’s 1/32nd Potawatomi. Or something like that; a number which probably a substantial percentage of Americans could relate to. OR else Summit made it up as a part of a conspiracy, just like they made up Spidermonkey and wigs and Robsten and puppies and kittens.

      • TeamSeth

        My puppy isn’t real?

  • fertherestofyerlife

    “you look like you’re the kinda guy Chris Hansen is gonna come after soon…”

    still. laughing…

    Dear Taylor,
    You deserve every dollar of that outlandish salary for having to portray a teenage boy imprinting on an infant and have it not be ooky… Good luck with that by the way. Let’s see, they’ve already made you wear that wig, eat red vine, strip off your shirt in a gratuitously Fabio-esque manner, dress in a blue spandex suit to play a CGI wolf, carry Kristen up a mountain, and roll around naked on the ground. You’ve suffered enough for your art. Enjoy being stinkin’ rich! Just don’t turn into an a-hole!

    • MyNieceIsAFanRIGHT

      Not only was this fantastic, the “don’t turn into an a-hole!” put a bow on it!

    • TeamSeth

      “I’m Sean Penn, bitches!”

      (The moment is coming…)

  • Sisterpenguin

    Happy Birthday young man! I’m just so happy that you’re getting more and more legal each day. It makes me appear less creepy…

    • http://twitter.com/tracitalynne Traci Olsen

      I have often shouted “ROBERT PATTINSON IS TWENTY FOUR! IT’S NOT CREEPY FOR ME TO LOVE HIM!”

      Okay it’s a little creepy since he is technically a complete stranger, and ever so slightly younger than me (which totally doesn’t matter because we are both grown ups and have a shared tendency to drink too much and then look silly in photographs), but he won’t be once Operation BFFs With Benefits swings into action.

      Normal.

      • natteringyeahrobber

        “ROBERT PATTINSON IS TWENTY FOUR! IT’S NOT CREEPY FOR ME TO LOVE HIM” – this is best said in a whisper, while sitting in a dark closet (or if you live in an old house built before they invented closets, in your Ikea wardrobe).

        But no matter the decibel level, super normal.

        • TeamSeth

          “before they invented closets” This made me laugh and think about whether or not a guy would say “I came out of the wardrobe last night to my mum. She asked if I meant that I was a poof or C.S. Lewis. Then we had a couple pints and laughed about how sexy Ben Barnes is.”

          • natteringyeahrobber

            “a poof or C.S. Lewis” – LMAO. Or if you are my age (pushing 40) and coming out of the RPattz closet, the “Masochistic Lion, the Cougar Bitch, and the Wardrobe”.

      • Anonymous

        I use the fact that Swifty is five days older than me to justify my love for Taylor. Totes normal.

        • TeamSeth

          Wow, you’re super justified! So much so that I’m not even sure why you were ever worried?

          • Anonymous

            It might be that whole Freshman can’t go out with a Senior hold over that totally disappears after time.

            Though it does start to get rather creepy later in life when the parent and the kid are in the same “zone” as my brothers like to say. Like when the person realizes that they could be just as easily be dating the girl’s Mom. It is a moment to cherish if you are in the room at the moment of enlightenment and happening to a sibling I must say.

          • natteringyeahrobber

            Both Taylor’s Dad and Rob’s Dad look way older than me, so I could (by that measure) easily justify my love for either of them. But Taylor could literally be my son. I bet if I took him out, people would assume I’m his mother (similar hair/eye color). But if I was on a date with Rob, people would just assume Cougar Bitch, so it would work.

          • Anonymous

            It was more of a problem before he got legal. But people still see him as a baby, so sometimes I get defensive.

  • Anonymous

    WHAT!!! He’s a GINGER!

    I can only imagine how you got all 19 typed up since you two most of been laughing so hard as the next one popped into your heads before you even finished the last. Hoping Stephenie just prints this one out and slips it under his door. Heeeheeee

    Jennifer Aniston and Taylor have the same b-day. Funny how John Mayer tainted both their lives . . . . hmmm.

  • http://twitter.com/hippietrixi Christine

    Happy Birthday Taylor! I can totally see you still playing with Teen Age Mutant Ninja Turtles-figures and live action as well. I could also see you playing with dinosaurs.

    • Anonymous

      I could totally see him playing a TMNT in a reboot movie. Michaelangelo or Leonardo maybe, lol.

      • natteringyeahrobber

        Genius! Leonardo…or maybe Shredder. No more Mr. Nice Wolf-Guy. He needs to be a villian, get those Punk Frogs in LINE.

        • natteringyeahrobber

          oops villain. i hate it when i botch that spelling – i can’t get it right, like, ever.

          • TeamSeth

            Me neither, so finally I used the device of thinking about how villains are vain, so you can remember the -ain

      • TeamSeth

        No way! He’s totally going to be Casey Jones!

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  • Anonymous

    Taylor,

    I intended to say that you ought take care yourself well, but then I realized that these words are meant to Rob…But “don’t turn into an a-hole” fits perfectly.

    Happy birthday. Wish you healthy and hapiness.

  • Anonymous

    Happy Birthday! 5 days after mine. I actually had plans to go to the OG, but change my mine last minute and went to Red Lobster instead. Hey, I had a $10 coupon.

    • Anonymous

      Ok, I give up. I can’t edit crap. I am disqus IGNORANT.

      Happy B-day Tay-Tay. All three of my message above were in reply to Chillinwithcullens comment.

  • Anonymous

    Hahaha! Did you notice the Taylor Swift advertisements at the bottom of the page? Was that planned?

    • Anonymous

      I think it automatically plugs in ads based on what is mentioned in the post, or what you have searched yourself. I’ve been on other websites completely unrelated and seen ads for Cafe Press with LTT shirts in them. It kinda freaked me out at first!

      • Anonymous

        freaky

      • Anonymous

        Big Brother is watching! Yeah, I kinda freaked the first time it happened to me.

  • Anonymous

    Just wanted to say Hi to everyone and I miss you all SO MUCH!!

    • Anonymous

      So where ya been Mrs. Cyn?

    • Anonymous

      Hi Cyn! Miss you too!

    • TeamSeth

      Hey Cyn! Keep warm!

  • Anonymous

    Just wanted to say Hi to everyone and I miss you all SO MUCH!!

  • Anonymous

    Happy Birthday no-so-little-anymore Tay-Tay!! I suppose I should call you Taylor instead of Tay-Tay, to reflect your not-so-little-anymore status. I’ll work on that! ;)

  • Brenn

    Happy Birthday Tay Tay! My daughter will wait for you — she’s a good Catholic girl from a great family. I can then be your MIL.

    Egad, did I just say that?!?!? ;)

    • natteringyeahrobber

      All I can say is dowry.

  • Anonymous

    Happy Birthday Taylor! (because he checks in here all the time. Actually, if he does I should probably self-censor a little more closely. oops.)
    Anyways, planning a viewing of any Taylor film tonight to celebrate. Yep, normal, that’s me.

    • natteringyeahrobber

      I made bad Italian food tonight – runny spaghetti and a salad with oily dressing. No Olive Gardens near me, but I can improvise. Kids loved it anyhow. And I’m gonna watch NM because that’s the only movie I can feel any sort of connection to him. Happy 19th Taylor!

      • TeamSeth

        I love him in NM!

    • cosi bella

      SEE WHAT I MEAN? !!! Whyyyyyyyy do we feel the need to ‘self-censor’ around this guy and not other actors/actresses who are same age or much younger???!!!!

      I hate unsolved mysteries. >:(

      • natteringyeahrobber

        I don’t think it is age related. I think it is the perception of his innocence, or at least sexual innocence. In all the Twilight series, he remains virginal. No feather & headboard spectacle for him. No date for prom. No smoking hot bedroom kisses. His real “date” (not just time alone) with Bella was shared with Mike Newton. And just when he’s about to get some action, Newton starts with the dry heaves. And then he’s stuck with Renesmee, for whom he must wait. He’s hot blooded, but in an innocent way. New Moon allowed him to show some passion, but without any fruition. And I think since he’s unknown to most outside of Twilight, there is a tendency to equate Taylor with Jacob (I’ve done this myself). The numerous photos with Dad don’t help, either. I do think that he should pursue adult parts with more complexity – not just as the man scorned or the tortured would-be suitor. But as a man who has goals outside of Bella. Some identity outside of Bella/Bella’s kid would be nice. This is now an essay. Too bad I’m not in college anymore, this would be a good topic for “male sexual identity in popular modern films.”

        • cosi bella

          aha!

          Thanks for shedding some light on this!!!

          • Anonymous

            mostly i was just talking out my ass. it could just be that he has a baby face that makes women want to coo.

  • Bubs

    Happy, Happy Birthday Taylor. Without you, we wouldn’t have our “TwiTrinity”. You’re soooo important to us. Hope you’re thoroughly spoilt by all…. Knowing that your favourite place in the world to visit is AUSTRALIA….I’d love to PERSONALLY show you our HIGHLIGHTS [!!!!].

  • cosi bella

    Haha! LOVE the birthday card partic with the Dog’s paw on the baby’s head. But wot? No caption in the balloon? I’m thinking:

    “mommy why da big puppy dawg fowwowing me awound all da tyeem?”

    And as it’s Taylor’s birthday I’m prepared to believe for this one day ONLY (special favor) that Taylor Swift (inc the song) was NOT a PR staged fauxmance (and I’ll throw in the same belief for Jake Gyllenhall (oh I don’t know how to spell it) too while I’m at it – see I’m flexible like that)

    So Taylor’s a ginger? I KNEW it! Bbut I’ll suspend judgement on the adopted theory until I see someone photoshop Taylor’s Dad’- so we can see what he actually LOOKS like under all that excess poundage (and why oh why hasn’t anyone done that yet – or have they? – oh yeah that’s right – cos they’re not normal. see LTT? I’m a quick learner)

    And I promise PROMISE that today I WILL stop obsessing about what particular witchmagic/deal with the devil Taylor must have cast on everyone to cause himself to be perpetually treated like some pre-pubescent 12 year old. When tons of child actors take on uber gritty roles – take Dakota Fanning – she’s is younger than Taylor (and SHE’S cursed and been raped in movies!!!) and yet everyone gasps in horror at the thought of tainting “Tay-Tay’s” innocence. WTH??? WHY??? (oops I said I’d stop didn’t I) Don’t wanna be mean I just wanna UNDERSTAND. (I even drive myself crazy when I do the ‘aw aint he young-and-cute-and-innocent’ apologies) – why oh why oh why …..(oops I really WILL stop now)

    Anyhoozle – Happy Birthday to Taylor – have to say that personally he is solely responsible for peaking my interest in Twilight and Hollywood shenanigans in general and causing me endless hours of time wasting wonderings and speculation.
    So if I’m representative of average joe public demographic (which to my horror I usually am across most product categories) then yeah – I have to concede that he’s earned every every cent of his $45mill that he’ll end up making (blame the economics of mass distribution)

    Thanks as always LTT for somewhere for me to purge the insanity!

    • cosi bella

      meant “piquing” not “peaking” (don’t know how to edit) (or maybe I meant “peeking” …

      • TeamSeth

        piquing… though all three have funny implications I think :)

  • cosi bella

    Haha! LOVE the birthday card partic with the Dog’s paw on the baby’s head. But wot? No caption in the balloon? I’m thinking:

    “mommy why da big puppy dawg fowwowing me awound all da tyeem?”

    And as it’s Taylor’s birthday I’m prepared to believe for this one day ONLY (special favor) that Taylor Swift (inc the song) was NOT a PR staged fauxmance (and I’ll throw in the same belief for Jake Gyllenhall (oh I don’t know how to spell it) too while I’m at it – see I’m flexible like that)

    So Taylor’s a ginger? I KNEW it! Bbut I’ll suspend judgement on the adopted theory until I see someone photoshop Taylor’s Dad’- so we can see what he actually LOOKS like under all that excess poundage (and why oh why hasn’t anyone done that yet – or have they? – oh yeah that’s right – cos they’re not normal. see LTT? I’m a quick learner)

    And I promise PROMISE that today I WILL stop obsessing about what particular witchmagic/deal with the devil Taylor must have cast on everyone to cause himself to be perpetually treated like some pre-pubescent 12 year old. When tons of child actors take on uber gritty roles – take Dakota Fanning – she’s is younger than Taylor (and SHE’S cursed and been raped in movies!!!) and yet everyone gasps in horror at the thought of tainting “Tay-Tay’s” innocence. WTH??? WHY??? (oops I said I’d stop didn’t I) Don’t wanna be mean I just wanna UNDERSTAND. (I even drive myself crazy when I do the ‘aw aint he young-and-cute-and-innocent’ apologies) – why oh why oh why …..(oops I really WILL stop now)

    Anyhoozle – Happy Birthday to Taylor – have to say that personally he is solely responsible for peaking my interest in Twilight and Hollywood shenanigans in general and causing me endless hours of time wasting wonderings and speculation.
    So if I’m representative of average joe public demographic (which to my horror I usually am across most product categories) then yeah – I have to concede that he’s earned every every cent of his $45mill that he’ll end up making (blame the economics of mass distribution)

    Thanks as always LTT for somewhere for me to purge the insanity!

  • Anonymous

    OT: My kids just had one if the Nick or Disney channels on the TV. If you don’t know those channels, between shows they usually play not just commercials, but things like snips of kid approved music videos and things. The channel was playing a vid from some band called Big Time Rush. (Forgive me if you all know this band I’ve not heard of, this last year I’ve listened to barely any radio or tv.) I was talking to the kidlets who were disagreeing which book they wanted me to read to them. So I’m hearing this catchy beat song in the background roll off the words, “I wanna be your boyfriend,” several times over. But just as I reached for the remote to shut it off, I hear the lyrics, “bigger than a Twilight love affair.” I laughed and told the kids I’d be right back to read them the books.

    I shouldn’t be surprised. I really shouldn’t. But it made me wonder if some day people will compare their love to Edward and Bella in lieu of the likes of Romeo and Juliette.

    • Anonymous

      “But it made me wonder if some day people will compare their love to Edward and Bella”
      Especially if their significant other would really like to eat them, then it would be a perfect fit. :)

      • Anonymous

        Hahaha!

        I can just about hear future rap songs, “girl, I wanna eat you worse than Edward wanted to eat Bella.”

        • TeamSeth

          Pulling mind from gutter.

          • Anonymous

            ahem

            Sorry I couldn’t help it, I just could totally see that happening.

    • natteringyeahrobber

      And Cliff Notes versions of Twilight (not necessary, but it could happen). And school plays of Twilight (whomever gets the Bella part will be like, “a total bitch who did not deserve it – I should have snagged that role, seriously, she couldn’t even know what to do with a line if it was shoved in her nose.”). And Twilight on Broadway (that actually might be fun – musical Twilight that is, I want to see some Cullen dance moves).

      • natteringyeahrobber

        West Forks Side Story (patterned after R&J and E&B). “I feel vampy, oh so vampy, and I wish Ed would turn me today…” or “When you’re a wolf you are a wolf all the way from your first vampire kill to your last dying day” (cue street dance fight with Cullens and wolves).

        • TeamSeth

          <3 <3 <3 !!!!! I was listening to the soundtrack on the way home Friday. Anyway this is so funny! The musical knife fight would be a musical perimeter run.

          "Gee, officer Charlie, we're down on our knees, cuz no one wants a fella who's a vampire tease!"

          "A boy like that wants one thing only, and when he's done he'll leave you lonely. He'll drain your love, he drained mine. Just wait and see! Just wait Isabella!" "Oh no, Em-i-ly, no! Em-i-ly, no! It isn't true, not for me. It's true for you, not for me. I hear your words and in my head, I know they're smart. But it's Bella, Emily. Just Bella. You should know better."

          • http://www.tracitalynne.com Tracitalynne

            *snortlaugh* “musical perimeter run”

          • Anonymous

            With jazz hands, of course.

          • http://twitter.com/tracitalynne Traci Olsen

            *obviously*

    • Anonymous

      Also OT: I read the weirdest thing last night that your story reminds me of, about how Twilight has “got its claws in so deep” … apparently Stevie Nicks is coming out with a new album soon that was COMPLETELY INSPIRED BY NEW MOON. Um…wow. No offense to Twilight or anything, but…wha?! The magicness of Bella and Edward is inspiring rock legends these days.

      I am hoping UC & Moon provide a full breakdown of the album upon its release.

      • TeamSeth

        I heard that too from my coworker! Stevie’s down with the kids.

      • natteringyeahrobber

        Hadn’t heard that,don’t want to believe it, too strange to be true. “Bring to me your leather sheets, take from me my…hmmm…bella’s mace? good bass? sense of grace? personal space? “

        • natteringyeahrobber

          As I was putting in my contacts, I realized it should be “punch face.”

          “Bring to me your leather sheets, take from me punch face”.

  • Anonymous

    Taylor: (because, clearly you read this website on a Saturday afternoon, and clearly I am comfortable just addressing you directly; we grew up in the same town pretty much, and a picture of you was featured at my bachelorette party in a creepy way, so of course it’s fine because we’re clearly best friends and I am not delusional at all…)

    I have iTunes on random this afternoon and ‘Back to December” just started playing. In it, Swift mentions that “your birthday came along and I didn’t call”. So, inquiring minds want to know. Did she call you this year? Did she send you flowers to make up for the ones that you sent her that wilted? Did she cry? Did you tell her, “I know you’re DTF, Taylor, I read LTT that’s how I know that, but NO, I will NOT go out with you even if you write me 100 more love songs, because I am handsome, well-built, rich, have great teeth and will make beautiful babies, and I am going to choose a girl who is prettier, smarter, and more appreciative of going on a date with both my dad and I than you ever will be?!”

    Yes? Good.
    Carry on with your weekend.
    <3,
    Operarose

    • Anonymous

      She already moved on to the Owl City guy today anyhow.

  • kandnandb

    Taylor, happy belated birthday! I just wanted to let you know, I ate at Olive Garden last night just for YOU. The iced tea was good. Then I went to see The Fighter & every calorie/fat gram sat in my belly like a bowling ball as I watched Mark Wahlberg work out. But after seeing Christian Bale weighing all of 125 lbs, I decided I should donate those calories/fat grams to him. He needed it way more.

    So yeah, a story that had absolutely NOTHING to do with you. Cheers!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Haley-Guinn/100000506363811 Haley Guinn

    aww Happy Birthday Taylor! I wonder if this is the year Big Daddy is going to give him “The Talk”?

  • TeamSeth

    Before I read this, I have to ask, what’s happening with those hands in the top wolf photo? And there’s a laughing face in the bg too, lightly…this is… odd.

    • Anonymous

      I’m not sure if I really needed that re-look, but whoa now that you point it out . . .

    • Anonymous

      I saw this but have developed an aversion to mentioning things that may not actually be there.

      • TeamSeth

        Like puppies and kittens, which apparently Summit made up for PR reasons? Don’t tell Ian Smolderholder though, it’d shatter his life.

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