We break down The Cullen Family trip to Pier One Imports

Dear Breaking Dawn, Stephenie Meyer and Edward & Bella Cullen,

A new picture was released? Well, you know what that means. We’re breaking this down Vanity Fair Style

That Explains THAT

UC: Well, I know we’ve gathered here today to discuss the latest underwhel-ment from Breaking Dawn, but we wouldn’t be UC & Moon if we let an opportunity to joke about THIS pass us by:


New Jasper Doll! How many are you gonna buy? Want it for your birthday? It’s ONLY $149.99
Moon: that will haunt me in my nightmares. THAT jasper would definitely try to kill bella and talk with a weird accent for 2 out of the 3 movies
UC: And Bella would gladly let him kill her. Because in Heaven God promises no one who looks as bad as him. I would NOT let THAT Jasper eye F*ck me in a plaza in Philadelphia on a hot summer night
Moon: no way. You can’t talk to that Jasper about red mullets. Come on! How do you screw up a barbie/ken doll version of JASPER? It’s modeled off jackson who has a pretty lady man face and a catfish mouth!!!
UC: i know. I blame China. A factory worker in China. He was tired of his wife’s obsession with the men of the saga
Moon: Who wouldn’t be tired? Men of China care about Rathbonig about as much as men of america
UC: exactly. well that explains that

We get down to business

UC: So another picture from BD was released huh? Can we say overall, now that we have 3 photos & enough to make an appropriate judgement that we are UNDERWHELMED?

Coming soon to a Pier Imports near you...

Moon: By the 3 pictures you mean… 1) feather hands, 2) pants off dance off and 3) pier one lanterns… or my affectionate names for them
UC: of course
Moon: this tells you about how exciting there are
UC:

Don't you wish we were on a bear skin rug, Bella?

I mean….. sure…. the one where we get to see Robsten in a position they generally prefer on a bear skin rug is NICE if you’re into that. But LANTERNS? for VTINES day!? COME ON!
Moon: right. nothing says happy valentines day like some sand, a boat and some ambiguously Moroccan lanterns. That pictures is a happy valentines to the dudes out there. There’s a SPEED BOAT!
UC: seriously!!!
Moon: it was for the unicorns and clearly they don’t even know unicorns- Unicorns want to see Alice in her Sobe bikini
UC: Yep. Or Bella’s camel toe in her see-through white bikini
Moon: if it was a happy Valentines Day for the robsten-ers, it’d be a close up of them in the front seat of the speed boat, getting down
UC: Happy V-tines day for Team Jacob would have been a picture of Taylor in love- and somehow proving that they can pull off the Jacob/Renesmee story without creeping us out or having Chris Hansen meet Stephenie outside her hotel room.
UC: Happy Valentine’s day to US would have been Edward.. shirtless in the water… in the moonlight…. Come on Bill Condon & Summit! Let us ask questions about what’s beneath the water for a second…. (“Is Edward wearing water shoes?” That’s what I’d be asking. What did you think I meant?)

Moon: what would have been a better picture for valentines day?
UC: Emmett & Rose dancing at the wedding- Maybe a scene I WISH they had shot & just cut out of the film so that it could be released at at time like this- where Jasper is telling the story of him & Alice and we SEE her approach him in Philadelphia.. sigh… that would be Valentine’s perfection
Moon: my favorite NOT expounding on story line!!!
UC: fail- david slade fail
Moon: stepenie meyer fail!! Forget midnight sun! BLASPHEMY! i wanna know about alice and jasper
UC: I KNOW! Write THAT story! or since we know reverse psychology works on her, Nevermind Stephenie- we HATE jasper & alice and don’t want to know ANYTHNG about them!
Moon: right. DON’T DO IT. We’ll read hunger games/Immortal instruments/Whoever instead
UC: Imma read BRAN HAMBRIC by Kaleb Nation instead!
Moon: right!!! who wants to read about alice and jasper or edward when you can read about a magician named bran!

Edward goes to Rite Aid

Moon: well lets talk about the obvious. what is that scene even from? Like yea isle esme… but… ?
UC: Their arrival??
Moon: When did edward put out lanterns? was it the scared house keeper? Is she a closeted robsten fan and wanted to make their “first time” special?
UC: Maybe Bella fell asleep in the boat ride & he quickly swam to set it up? And stock the place with condoms, which of course he forgot to use?
Moon: HUGE mistake- while Bella was freaking out in the bathroom he should have just swan at vampiric speed back to the mainland to hit up the 24hr Rite Aid
UC: for REAL. Forget lanterns Ed.. where were the condoms!?
Moon: and he could have picked up some Diet Coke, some sunscreen and KY “yours and mine” while he was there. DUH. THAT should have been the picture- Edward picking up late v-day purchases at the Braziliian Rite Aid drugstore
UC: right.. a blue plastic basket filled with necessities… priorities Edward, pssh… lanterns

all in all… Nice Try Breaking Dawn. But come on! Give us something that shows you’re even TRYING down there in Baton Rouge!!!

Love,
UC & Moon

What do you think of the new pic released as our Vtines gift!? Getting the Pier One vibe like we are? How many Jasper dolls are you planning to buy!?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store
  • JodieO

    It’s a lovely photo. I’m sure it would make a very attractive jigsaw puzzle.

    When I first saw it I called it a lantern-lit walk of shame. Not theirs, ours. I haven’t decided if that’s Summit Fail or Fan Fail.

    • nocoolname

      Oh YES!!!!!! I want that jigsaw puzzle to do with my family at Christmas time around the fireplace.

      • http://twitter.com/tracitalynne Traci Olsen

        we need to commission that puzzle. that would rule.

        • nocoolname

          Seriously, why don’t they sell movie merch like THAT?? I would buy a puzzle – a ginormous ugly Bella engagement, not so much.

          • Anonymous

            They do have puzzles (I own one, it was a gift) but they are the movie posters with the all black backgrounds. That, coupled with the fact they they used about five different shapes of pieces, means that to solve the puzzle my family bought a lighted magnifying glass to sort by “shades” of black. And then there was a piece missing.

          • TeamSeth

            That piece was you.

    • Anonymous

      Bwahaha! Jigsaw puzzle FTW!

      I would put it together too if it was made into one. I love jigsaw puzzles. I find them relaxing.

      • JodieO

        It would actually make a really good puzzle, too! All that sand and grey water? It would take ages!

  • Nelle

    Yawn. But thanks for breaking it down.

  • Ambella

    There is a pretty good fanfic for Alice and Jasper “Full moon rising” (Twilighted fanfic page)
    Jasper doll has a wonkie eye issue. and the “Alice Barbie” by mattel looks better than the tonner one……I don’t own all of them or anything……and they don’t have a special shrine like place in my bedroom.

    • natteringyeahrobber

      As long as they don’t talk to you at night, you’ve passed the normal test.

      • Ambella

        I may or may not talk to them every now and then…….

  • Anonymous

    Ugh. That Jasper doll looks like a creepy guy trying to hefner change into a woman. I’m not talking cute, adorably fun cross-dresser. No, no. I’m talking skin crawl, “it rubs the lotion on its skin” creepy.

    Redo. Emergency redo people.

    As for the set photos, they started out with, in my honest opinion, the right idea. Sure, the picture showed practically nothing. Bella’s and some down, but not only was it a beautiful picture, it said sooo much. For me, it at least evoked my imaginings of what had just happened. The second pic was sadly a disappointment. I mean it SHOWED a glimpse of what had happened just before pillows were shred and feathers floated like soft, warm snow around them. But it just… didn’t do it for me. I blame it on being able to see Bella’s face too clearly. They made it very difficult to put myself in her place when there is so much of it so clearly in the picture. It’s like the freaking focus of it! then this one. Do I even have to say? I’m losing it. You’re getting me out of the mood here.

    • Anonymous

      “I blame it on being able to see Bella’s face too clearly.”

      Yes. There is a reason why pornography relies on camera POV. (Not that I know anything about pornography.)

    • Anonymous

      stupid kristin

    • TeamSeth

      Emergency recast of Bella with…

      “Softly tread the sand below your feet now
      Two worlds, one family
      Trust your heart
      Let fate decide
      To guide these lives we see

      Beneath the shelter of the trees
      Only love can enter here”

  • Ish

    Terrible thing has happened. I have a new crush. Adam G Sevani!
    Rob who?

    • TeamSeth

      Hell, he’s legal.
      Let me know when you’re going to see LOL.

    • cosi bella

      I’m jelleaux.

      trying find me a new crush too to replace my shattered Jacob/lautner image.

      closest I could come looks-wise was some Brazilian underwear model

      Now if HE goes into acting and can do a half decent job at the lovesick -puppy- dog- expression- in- an- angst- filled -love- triangle sitch then I’ll be happy.

      my needs are simple.

      • Ish

        am enjoying the rush again though. Takes me back a few years where I was obsessed – normal obsessed not scary obsessed – with all things Rob and even watched how to be more than once! Now I’m back cruising you tube for all things Adam. @ teamseth whats LOL? Remember I´m stuck in german type country.

        • TeamSeth

          Apparently he’s in that movie which is set to release this year. The dude looks super young.

          • Ish

            hahahhaa what you trying to say? Im 36 he’s 12 I mean come on!

          • Ish

            hahahhaa what you trying to say? Im 36 he’s 12 I mean come on!

  • Anonymous

    Look at me commenting from my new cell! Ok, back to business. Jasper doll is like a barbie serial killer. Me scared.

    • TeamSeth

      Your new cell? Did they finally move you from county to state?

  • eatmyjorts

    The doll. The doll. Sigh.

    • cosi bella

      i love your name.

  • http://twitter.com/KatieShh Katie

    PREACH!! “Underwhelmed” is the perfect description for this little “gift” from Summit.

    Were you wondering if Edward was wearing these? http://www.swimoutlet.com/product_p/3805.htm?color=10794

    Because those look like something Rob would have purchased. <3

  • blondieinco

    “Is Edward wearing water shoes” – ACK!!!!! I just about spit out my breakfast. Thanks for the morning funny ladies!

    • Fanjacob7

      IKR?

      I mean is their anything UNsexier than a guy in water shoes – lol!

      • Anonymous

        Hell yeah! A NAKED guy in water shoes! *snort*

        • cosi bella

          …wearing grey socks

    • Fanjacob7

      IKR?

      I mean is their anything UNsexier than a guy in water shoes – lol!

  • tlmfarmgirl

    I saw this comment on Twitter I had to pass along AHEM “Bill Condon, do vampires float on sand??? No Footprints???”

    • TeamSeth

      “There is only one set of footprints during that time. Why did you leave me then?”
      “I didn’t leave you then–I carried you I don’t leave footprints because I’m a vampire. Duh.”

      • TeamSeth

        (please someone get that)

        • Anonymous

          me me!

          From footprints in the sand! (religious) amirite?

          • TeamSeth

            yay!

          • TeamSeth

            yay!

        • Anonymous

          me me!

          From footprints in the sand! (religious) amirite?

  • Jessigirl

    That doll makes him look like an uncle no no toucher….

  • natteringyeahrobber

    Is that even Isle Esme? I mean, was the photo clearly labeled as such when it was released? Because I am thinking it is like the view from a sleazy Summit financier’s timeshare in the Cayman Islands. That would explain the speedboat – all rich dudes in the Cayman Islands have speedboats, so they can quickly evade pesky government regulatory agency authorities. The lanterns? They LOOK romantic, but they are really motion-activated explosives. Tropical bushes? Yah, they look real. They are actually security guards/accountants who can take you down and wire money to Switzerland at the same time (Madoff’s people had to find work somewhere, right?). Isle Embezzleme more like it.

  • Anonymous

    Thank you for breaking down even the banalest of the banal photos!

    Looking forward to the upcoming summer and fall “Isle Esme” themed décor at my nearest Pier 1 store.

    You hit the nail on the head with this: “I blame China. A factory worker in China. He was tired of his wife’s obsession with the men of the saga”
    – love it!

  • http://twitter.com/tracitalynne Traci Olsen

    The Edward water shoes made me snort my coffee, which was unpleasant, as I am currently ignoring a very sore throat. *snicker* water shoes. hee.

    The JasperDoll is terrifying. Not “awesome cross dresser who will fix your makeup in the club bathroom”, but “scary dude who wears illfitting ladies clothes as a misguided fix for a terrible, terrible mental illness”…it puts the lotion in the basket indeed…Jebus.

  • ChillinWithCullens

    Loving the mental image of Edward standing in line with the necessary goodies at Rite Aid… nice break-down ladies!

  • cosi bella

    Thanks for that letter ladies – it brightened my morning!

    Love the visual of the vampire water dash to Rite-aid – hmm how would he keep it dry on the way back I wonder…?

    I see the curse of getting Twilight hair wrong continues on the Jasper Doll. I think it’s a deliberate marketing ploy cos it just makes you wanna BUY the doll just so you can rip it out of the presentation box and ‘re-style’ the hair. (I have a strangely strong urge to do just that – yup marketing voodoo)

    Bit disappointed that the Jasper doll doesn’t have his true lip color (what is it blue or green? per Rob’s eclipse commentary)

    Uber FAIL on the greenery in the beach shot. Vegetation would NEVER naturally grow in the middle of the sand like that – not plausible ( or even if it was landscaped – what happens when the tide comes in?) – looks like something that stagers would do at an annual horticultural show.

    I agree – those lanterns are totally Pier One!!! haha! love it!

    • cosi bella

      huh? why is my name coming up as fanjacob7? This is Cosi Bella..

      • TeamSeth

        Sure it is… this is your true identity revealing itself.

        • Anonymous

          Fanjacob is part of my email address that I use here.

          I thought it was pretty obvious that I’m a Jacob/lautner fan.

          (which to me is subtly different to a Jacob fan or a Lautner fan – but that’s whole nuther ‘normal’ discussion)

          Anyhoozel – I’ve registered now so I no longer have to keep putting my email and name in on every single comment and getting it mixed up. Thought it’d be expeditious seeing as how you guys have reeled me in to the madness and I ‘spect I might be hanging out here for a while….

          Now to figure out how to change my avatar here…

          :)))

    • Anonymous

      “Love the visual of the vampire water dash to Rite-aid -hmm how would he keep it dry on the way back I wonder…?”

      Ziplock bags. I’m sure they have those in aisle 3. ;)

      • cosi bella

        duh! Of course!

      • cosi bella

        …..or… quick thinking Edward, inflated a Trojan, put everything inside tied a nice tight knot…there ya go – drier Twi-vamp’s vajayjay (added buoyancy benefit too)

        • cosi bella

          I meant “drier than a Twi-vamp’s vajayjay” – (yeah way to kill the joke)

          • TeamSeth

            And I initially read this as inflating a trojan horse [type of thing] and then pushing it across the water. Though according to that twitter question about leaving footprints in the sand, I think if push really came to shove Mr. I Can Hold My Breath Forever could just make like a Jesus Lizard and scamper across the ocean.

          • Anonymous

            By Trojan inflation – I meant as in the condom brand – Trojan.
            as in Frat party condom inflations (or Rugby party condom inflations if for your British hmm what type of party leads to condom inflation in Brazil I wonder…but I digress)

            I just killed the whole joke even more by over explaining didn’t I?

            (or as my son says – you didn’t kill the joke Mom you just put it out of it’s misery)

          • TeamSeth

            Your son is funny! But the joke is funny I think. :) And yeah, I figured it out–just not on read #1. Anyway, none of the frat parties I attended had condom inflating involved.

          • TeamSeth

            So then Sj emailed me recently about this comment, but can’t comment ‘cuz Australia’s disqus is down [under] (sorry, bad joke). Anyway, she was slightly horrified about little men popping out of a horse inside one’s dry vajayjay. But honestly, that’s precisely what’s happening! I mean, Edward’s fertile semen are launching a stealthy attack that ultimately ends in a mayhem and human death.

            Put that in your rugby party and smoke it! (er, what? I’m laughing a lot, and slept very little.)

          • cosi bella

            What is SJ?

          • TeamSeth

            The commenter on here, Sj She has this yellow and blue avatar thingy. Um… I think her name is longer now and it’s more like Sj_Nymph But not nymph.

          • Anonymous

            I’ve often wondered.

          • cosi bella

            ooooh yes I totally see the relevance of the ‘trojan’ metaphor – yeah I tots meant you to see it that way. tots. ok I’m lying.

      • ChillinWithCullens

        Aisle 5, actually. And I’ll bet he used the Wellness Bucks he had saved up.

        • cosi bella

          nah I’m still going with the inflated condom to keep the stuff dry- cos edward would be creative like that

  • alice_av

    they never got the hair right for dear Jasper lol, i will not comment that crap of picture f00ck u scummit

  • Anonymous

    What the eff did they do to Jaspers face? Is eyes are mangled & uneven (one is obviously bigger than the other) and his lips are lopsided. Did they miss the 804 times that Stephenie mentioned that these vampires were BEAUTIFUL and PERFECT??

    and I’m just gonna hand over my fan card now cuz I had no idea this BD pic even existed till just now. oops.

    • http://twitter.com/hippietrixi Christine

      THE EYEBROWS! WTFFFFFFF?

    • TeamSeth

      The eyebrows are fine–he’s just making a one eyebrow raised look… forever. See, his mom wasn’t lying when she said his face would get stuck that way!

  • http://twitter.com/hippietrixi Christine

    That Jasper doll just made me throw up in my mouth! GAG

  • http://twitter.com/hippietrixi Christine

    And Summit I don’t want anymore shitty pictures of lanterns. Unless you release sex pictures, I’m not interested!

    • http://twitter.com/tracitalynne Traci Olsen

      Dirty Vampire Love or NOTHING!

      • http://twitter.com/hippietrixi Christine

        I’d rather have a picture of feathers!

  • TheSnuggler

    Hm. I think I’ve cracked Bill Condon’s code. He’s trying to lead us backwards through the BD1 romance until the final pic is at the beginning and we are ready for the start of the film…if that makes sense! So, we start at the Hand and Feathers (nice pub name!) which is the morning after, then we get the WAKE UP BELLA I’M LYING ON TOP OF YOU moment, Valentine’s day the arrival at Isle Esme (Edward and Bella are hiding in the boat so we can’t see them).. what next? My money is on a Brazil street scene kiss, then a view of the Cullen house decorated for the wedding.. but no people again. Yes, before you ask, I have been overdoing it lately and could probably do with a holiday..

    Ref the doll – it looks exactly like English newsreader Serena Scott.

    • TheSnuggler

      Whoops, I do need a break, her name is Selena Scott. Sorry girlfriend!

    • tlmfarmgirl

      I THINK YOUR RIGHT – AND I LIKE ALL THE UNDERSTATED SHOTS – GET THE IMAGINATION GOING, NO?

      • TheSnuggler

        Absolutely. It just struck me that while we’re looking out across the beach to the boat, BC is implying that Ed’n’Bells are getting it on in the house behind us…. and we are frozen to the spot, unable to turn and look…. much as we’d like to! Yes it does get the imagination going!

    • Anonymous

      excellent theory!

    • cosi bella

      TheSnuggler Nails it!

      Newsreader/News Anchor hair!!

    • Anonymous

      That sound about right. I didn’t think of it that way.

  • Anonymous

    That dolls is creepy, as most of them are.

    Why do I picture Stephenie having so much fun with the fact that very few pictures of BD are being released. They know it’s driving us all crazy. I kind of like it though; keeps the suspense up. I hate when the over advertise things.

    As far as lantern picture. It’s lame; I could have done without it.

  • HowToBe

    Well it’s not like SMeyer ever gives us a VDay. She arrives right after VDay to begin with then Eddie misses the second one and then the whole thing ends right before the next one. It’s a hidden message. Twilight = Valentine’s Day sucks!

  • JustGoWithIt

    THAT DOLL!
    BD is too far away. I think for a special surprise SM should finish Midnight Sun. Or do what she did before Eclipse and come out with another novella!

  • JustGoWithIt

    Heck do the who thing in EPOV. I would read it. And read it. And read it.

    • http://twitter.com/tracitalynne Traci Olsen

      Over and Over and Over. Forever for the rest of my damn life.

    • Anonymous

      Psht!

      Heck no. we don’t want that garbage. The would be nothing worse than Stephenie finishing the wonderful-I mean awful-book, Midnight Sun, only to continue writing, making perfectly dovetailed, EPOV of the other books too.

      That would be the most amazing thing EVER. I, uh, mean. My worst nightmare! We all know Steph couldn’t do it. They’d just be junk. Better off without them.

      • TeamSeth

        Way better off. She should just throw the towel in now.

    • Anonymous

      Clueless (surprise) – What tha heck is EPOV.

      • sweetinator88

        Edwards Point of View?? I’m guessing hahah

  • http://www.talksupe.wordpress.com snowwhitedrifted

    Those lanterns look like pumpkins. Are they expecting trick or treaters?

    • http://twitter.com/hippietrixi Christine

      Hello little trick or treater… I wanna eat you.

    • JustGoWithIt

      I fully thought they were pumpkin lanterns when I first saw the picture. I was a touch confused.

    • JustGoWithIt

      I fully thought they were pumpkin lanterns when I first saw the picture. I was a touch confused.

    • Stacey

      I thought they were pumpkins too! Then I got really confused that Edward would decorate the island with pumpkins. Was he trying to distract Bella from the honeymoon night? “Look Bella! It’s a harvest festival! Just for us! Let’s carve some pumpkins and bob for apples. Then YOU’LL get so tired out that you’ll fall asleep immediately. Then I can just stare at you like every previous night of our relationship.” Problem solved for Edward.

      • TeamSeth

        Bob for apples… oh heeeyyy

  • http://www.talksupe.wordpress.com snowwhitedrifted

    Those lanterns look like pumpkins. Are they expecting trick or treaters?

    • http://twitter.com/hippietrixi Christine

      That’s what I thought when I first saw the picture on Twitter. I was like I don’t remember Halloween pumpkins or Halloween being a part of BD. Again, WTFFFFFF?

  • MariaCecilia

    Duh. That’s why Edward are wearing them UNDER the water, so he won’t fall out of our good graces. No, actually, that’s probably why there are never any actual people in the pictures Summit releases: they are trying to conceal the awful foot-wear!
    1) Christmas picture: “No, back out of the room Rob, we can see your plaid slippers!”
    2) Feather picture: “Zoom in on the hand, no one wants to see those flip-flops!”
    3) Bed picture: “Cut at the shoulders, Rob is STILL wearing those pink Foppa shoes!”
    4) Lanterns picture: “Quick, snap the picture before they exit the boat and everyone can see Rob’s water shoes!”

    • TeamSeth

      Christmas picture?

      • MariaCecilia

        That came at Thanksgiving, you know the picture with the Swan family home all decked out? Have I dreamt it???

        • TeamSeth

          I never saw such a thing!

          • Anonymous

            I think the photo was tweeted by Condon. It looked very LL Bean meets Woolrich.

            Check it out:
            http://tinyurl.com/697t87m

          • Anonymous

            Just kidding. See http://twitpic.com/3j6wfm

          • TeamSeth

            You made me cry!!!!!!!!!!!

            But actually I don’t think that’s the right version–and frankly, the image in my head is WAY scarier than any cover art person could do [esp. since they were being forced to make it ‘okay for kids’].

            Did I mention that my fiance just didn’t get a job that would’ve been a huge, life-changing event, but it wasn’t because it didn’t happen and now our whole lives are in flux and we’re having an utterly depressing week that doesn’t appreciate people mocking my childhood fear? :'( Just saying. (sticks out tongue) (grabs a Black Butte Porter) (cries again) (watches VampDi) (cries again).

          • Anonymous

            Awhhh, Team Seth, hugs and the next round is on me. I will never speak or mention the punk-ass dummy whose name rhymes with crappy again.

          • TeamSeth

            Only in Korea does it rhyme.

  • nocoolname

    Note to Edward: While at Rite-Aid, don’t forget the Monostat and some cranberry juice for Bella. It IS her first time, after all…gotta take care of your lady.

    • http://twitter.com/tracitalynne Traci Olsen

      Honestly, it’s like Carlisle knows NOTHING about human anatomy. Clearly he zoned out during the OB/GYN section on every single MD he got. Edward, too. (2 medical degrees and no thought of pregnancy or yeast infections? Damn the Patriarchy!)

      • TeamSeth

        Yeah, just because you’ve never seen something happen, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. Take unicorns for instance…

  • Anonymous

    Oh, thats the new still? I thought it was a picture from the new season of “Survivor”, just with fancier torches. My bad.

    • TeamSeth

      it seemed super Bachelor to me. Didn’t they just go to Costa Rica?

      • Anonymous

        Not sure. I don’t really watch The Bachelor…unless you count clips from “The Soup”?

        • TeamSeth

          More than I watch! :)

  • Anonymous

    Did Marie Osmond design that Jasper doll?

    http://collectibledolls.charismabrands.com/EnLarge.aspx?uid=2649

  • Anonymous

    thanks for breaking it down ladies!

    hummm… about this Isle Esme teaser photo… and all the leaked photos from this location during filming too. why the overcast-cloudy skies Bill? it’s been a while since i last read BD, but i seem to remember there was sunshine during their honeymoon. (i’m in the midst of a cold right now, soooo it could just be the meds and my imagination.) wouldn’t want to miss skinny-dipping Edward sparking in the sunlight and reflecting off the tropical waters of Isle Esme.

  • Anonymous

    “Pants Off Dance Off” BRILLS!!

    PS Bells should have asked Eddie for some Pssssst cause they only gots it at the Rite Aid

  • Anonymous

    $149 for the doll. What a joke. Because you don’t pick the Jasper doll, Jasper doll picks YOU. One day you will be reaching into your desk drawer to find the last stick of peppermint gum….and instead you’ll find Jasper. You will obey him. You’ll have no choice. Or maybe you’ll be innocently reaching into the fridge for a cold pale ale on a hot July afternoon and instead you’ll end up with a fistful of needful Jasper. You’ll obey him. You have no choice. And maybe he’ll disappear for a while and you’ll think you are safe and can go on with your life. You might even open a window or carelessly leave the front door unlocked or take a shower without dead-bolting the bathroom door. You’ll be humming and applying shampoo, feeling like a new dawn has broken. Just as the suds are washing down your face…that’s when he’ll be there, standing upright in the shampoo/soap caddy. Smirking. Knowing. You didn’t really think it was the end, did you? Jasper don’t need to tell you that once more you will obey, does he?

    • sweetinator88

      oh my goodness… hahaha

      i wish i could like this about 10 more times

    • TeamSeth

      “One day you will be reaching into your desk drawer to find the last stick of peppermint gum….and instead you’ll find Jasper.”

      OMG. Way to remind me of that Goosebumps book about the dummy doll that freaked me out for a good 4 years.

      Also, last night I found a key on my bedside table…a key that I’ve never seen before, that isn’t to any of our cars, house, bike locks, anything. There’s no markings on it, the pattern isn’t normal. What is going on!!! Of course immediately I thought, “I wonder if it’s a TARDIS key.” face paw.

      • natteringyeahrobber

        Oh, you mean Slappy the Dummy? Actually, Jasper sort of does look like Slappy, same hair, same smooth Wet-n-Wild apricot-colored lips, same mad possessed eyes. Slappy Lives (Slappy the Dummy…if that is not an euphemism, I don’t know what is).

        I think the key is for Slappy’s coffin. Just a guess.

        • TeamSeth

          I. Hate. You.

  • Anonymous

    just downloaded the city of such series on my Kindle, My high students are making fun of me cause I just heard about them… Stupid Kids. Also good series Trylle Trilogy, Amanda Hocking. LOVED IT

  • Stacey

    I used to be scared of clowns, now I am scared of the Jasper doll. But I think the blond wig on that thing borders on creepy clown territory, so it’s all making sense.

    Thanks for the Jasper doll nightmares, ladies. :0)

    • cosi bella

      and to be REALLY authentic – shouldn’t the doll also be covered with lots of little newborn bite-marks?

      But oops – that’s not gonna help with nightmares any is it….

  • sweetinator88

    When I first saw the Jasper doll I thought someone made one of those pictures where they mix different faces together? (know what i mean?) I thought it was Jasper and Esme and possibly Alice’s faces mixed together hahaha

    • Anonymous

      I was getting that too! And it didn’t help that the whole thing is lopsided.

      • sweetinator88

        hahaha yeah!
        i think i thought that because the features arent like… proportionate…
        i dont know, its just all wrong, so wrong!

  • MariaCecilia

    Yeah Traci, I’m totally with you on this one! And how about burrrrn from vampire venom you guys??! Ever wonder what made vampires so flammable, and how that stuff probably wouldn’t go down well with lady parts? How about nifty little condoms made from that new super material grafen? (Men!)

  • cosi bella

    okay I’ve still got Jacksons allgedly “weird” color lips on my mind.

    Would be cool if the doll was like those barbies that you dip in ice cold water and the lips changed color…..

    K. glad I got that off my chest.

    • TeamSeth

      YES! And with it could come a little package of Grow-a-Renesme water sponge thingies!

    • natteringyeahrobber

      OH, there are Barbies who have lips that change color in ice cold water? Sorry, that’s just a little dark. Like Laura Palmer dark. Does the rest of the body change color too? Like forensic CSI body Barbie?

      • cosi bella

        well my daughter had a barbie whose hair changed color and one who’s skin did (I think it was a mermaid) but not the actual lips. The color change happened when you dunked it in cold water and then it changed back as it warmed up (or you could speed it up with a blast from a hot hair drier).

        • natteringyeahrobber

          Ahhh. OK. I have boys so I learn something new every day – I sorta miss my old Barbies. :)

          But I need to keep the dark thoughts out. Out, dark thoughts out. Crap, that didn’t work. I have this image of a dead Barbie with a paramedic team reviving her with a hair dryer. Crank it up to HIGH, we are losing her!!!

          • cosi bella

            “Nurse!!!! she’s out of bed again!”

        • natteringyeahrobber

          Ahhh. OK. I have boys so I learn something new every day – I sorta miss my old Barbies. :)

          But I need to keep the dark thoughts out. Out, dark thoughts out. Crap, that didn’t work. I have this image of a dead Barbie with a paramedic team reviving her with a hair dryer. Crank it up to HIGH, we are losing her!!!

      • Anonymous

        “Laura Palmer dark”… Love it. I’ve been re-watching Twin Peaks for a few months now.

      • Anonymous

        “Laura Palmer dark”… Love it. I’ve been re-watching Twin Peaks for a few months now.

        • natteringyeahrobber

          Great series. I used to go out for cherry pie and a cup of joe with my theater friends (movie theater, not “i have talent and can act theatre”) after work. The pie was always too soggy and too red, but I was in love with Agent Cooper at the time.

          • TeamSeth

            Love the change in spelling to distinguish the two! ;D

    • natteringyeahrobber

      OH, there are Barbies who have lips that change color in ice cold water? Sorry, that’s just a little dark. Like Laura Palmer dark. Does the rest of the body change color too? Like forensic CSI body Barbie?

  • TeamSeth

    Okay, my beef with the pic isn’t the lanterns, it’s the doom and gloom of the clouds. I mean, is this what Bella sees right after she feels the nudger for the first time?

    BELLA
    It couldn’t be. blink blink blink blink blink. GASP! Was that a-a-a-a-a nudge from m-m-m-m-my uterus?
    BELLA looks up and out the window down to the motorboat anchored off the shore not quite far enough to prevent it from being stuck in the shallows. The fog rolls in and the sky darkens. The trite symbolism that a storm is approaching. As the glow of the Moroccan Pier One lanterns dims, BELLA shivers in anticipation of what is to come. [It ain’t New Haven!]

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  • TeamSeth

    Random thought no one will read:
    Why was Alice (in the book) all, “Tell me you have a passport because I don’t have time to fake one for you.” If vampires run SO FAST that you just see a potential motion blur and write it off as ‘seeing something that wasn’t there’, why couldn’t Alice just snatch Beller up in her arms and run like hell to the Porshe dealer/rental car area?

    • Anonymous

      Because they strive to be law-abiding. Except for breaking the speed limit and not wearing seatbelts, and killing protected native wildlife, and being undead. Actually, is being undead breaking the law?

      Someone is always awake somewhere. And Slappy the Dummy never sleeps. *evil chuckle*

  • Jyager2002

    Hahaha lol at Edward wearing water shoes.

  • Jyager2002

    Hahaha lol at Edward wearing water shoes.

  • Anonymous

    Sorry, another subject. Nocoolname hasn’t comments because she’s busy writing ch. 24 of Wrenfield Hall, right (just say yes)?

    • TeamSeth

      Hey you’re right! Where’s that loca been?!

      OMG 24?! I’m soooooooooooo behind on reading. Sigh. I suck.

      • TeamSeth

        Okay, all caught up now. She seriously needs to put up ch 24!!!

    • nocoolname

      Actually, nocoolname hadn’t commented because the plague affected her house in a major way and she did not move from her bed for a good 24 hours. :(

      I’m recovering, though, and may write more tonight…after I delete all the crap I wrote before I got REALLY sick, when I was just SORTA sick and thinking my brain was actually working. It wasn’t, and I wrote a bunch of ridiculous stuff.

  • cosi bella

    COMPLAINT:

    Anybody else finding that the similarities between

    “breaking this down” and “breaking dawn”

    “condon” and “condom”

    are stopping them from getting their ‘speed-read’ on?

    • sweetinator88

      YES! always having to do the double take, for both!

      also when they say ‘Bill Condon’ i think of Bill Compton lol

      • Anonymous

        If he were the director we would possibly get more sexy-time scenes…I say hire him immediately.

        • TeamSeth

          As long as he does in picture commentary.

  • Anonymous

    Let’s be honest. Those lanterns don’t even look nice enough to be from Pier 1. Admit it, Summit, you went to IKEA. It was next to the mall where you got Bella’s Ann Taylor LOFT dress. Cl(ass)y.

  • Anonymous

    Heck, I’d buy that Jasper doll if it had his smile in side-talk position!

  • Sabrina Le

    Does anyone else notice that the Jasper doll looks like Esmee?

    • http://twitter.com/tracitalynne Traci Olsen

      YES. That’s what I thought it was at first glance. :shakes head:

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=502552819 Sabrina Evans

        The doll is WEARING lip gloss..

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