Rob and Kristen go to Couple’s Counseling… and we seek therapy

Dear Rob and Kristen,

Sometimes we get funny DM’s, like unintentionally funny DM’s especially from a funny lil site called Gossip Cop that has made it their mission to debunk celeb rumors and for whatever reason (read: traffic) they love them some Robsten. So when I got the following message:

GossipCop Feb 16, 12:55pm
CLAIM: Rob and Kristen “have entered couples counseling” ➙ http://gossipcop.com/melkq

And of course I immediately fwd-ed it to UC and said “we have to role play this!” Cause we’re not above acting the fool for this site and if that means doing a little Rob/Kristen roleplay then we’re down, cause it’s not like we haven’t done it before! So we started but then as schedules would have it UC has to leave so I was in the lurch who could I ask to role play Rob and Kristen in couple’s counseling with and not seem like a total looney tune? BROOKELOCKART that’s who! Because when you have the following convo…

Moon: hi, wanna role play rob and kristen in couples counseling with me?
Brooke: Haha sure hold on
Moon: ok  for your refrence when you’re ready the post
Brooke: okay, I haven’t roll played R and K before… so bare with me
Moon: ahaha… its weird but just BE them hahaha
Brooke: so I’ll be K i’ll let my inner kbitch out
Moon: ok, here we go… safeword if you need to ;)

after ALL that you KNOW you have a good friend if they’re willing to do the following with you…

.

A suit and cocktail dress? Wow, this is some classy counseling

Therapist: So Rob you called me to set up with appointment and it’s great you’re being proactive about your relationship, but let’s start with kristen… why dont you tell me why we’re here
Kristen: We are here because he can’t live in the moment. I am in the here and now. Rob’s caught up in the yet to be and he’s holding out sex.
Rob: But kristen, I just want us to be exclusive and committed and you cant seem to give me that i just want to tell the world about us! why won’t you let me?!
Kristen: I don’t need to justify what I may or may not feel to the world i bake you loquat pies, isn’t that enough?
Rob: but if you’re not officially with Rob you could be with anyone! you could leave me for someone else
Kristen: Who would I be dating? We’ve been filming all this time.
Rob: Michael Oregano… there’s HISTORY a Jonas brother! TAYLOR LAUTNER you guys are close!
Kristen: See, Dr. Therapist, THIS is why we are here. this is ridiculous. The only Jonas Brother left is like 15 and if I’m going that young I might as well snag the Biebs. I don’t conform to what society tells us relationships are supposed to be.
Therapist: what’s this i hear about a Tom Sturridge? is he an interloper?
Rob: NO NO!!! he’s my friend he’s been there forever. He lets me show more PDA with him than Kristen does! Maybe I should be worried about Tom and Kristen they were shooting a movie together
Kristen: Tom’s fun. He’s less serious then some people I know.

Rob: SERIOUS?! ME?! i’m JUMPING ROB for pete’s sake whats not fun about me?!
Kristen: GAH. UGH. *bitchface*
Rob: i wear the same shirt every day! i play a vampire, i joke about body odor to strangers! I’M FUN! I’m giving you all the fun you can handle! And i havent even gotten the board games out yet!
Kristen: Rob, you won’t leave my side. You upset my director in Montreal. How am I supposed to be taken as serious when you live up my ass?
Rob: NO I DIDNT!!! he was just jealous of my beasite boys shirt and besides it was “MOANtreal” if i remember correctly… if i can please you in the bedroom why wont you let me in public?
Kristen: chuckles
Rob: you let Oregano please you in public, in VANCOUVER!
Kristen: I was high.
Therapist: Yes, kristen why dont you like PDA?
Kristen: It’s not that I don’t like PDA, But .. well, fine… sometimes there are small pieces of hot pocket left in Rob’s teeth after lunch and.. just… ew
Rob: WHAT?! i brought us to couples counseling because you don’t like broccoli cheese? I thought you liked 3 cheese pizza!i stick with you when you wear that same shirt every day
Kristen: that is so different- i do not wear it in my MOUTH

We learn what Rob’s love languages are and whether he’s really ready to get married after the jump

.

a “beard” you say… curious…

Therapist: Rob, just because your love language is touch and physical doesnt mean Kristens is… you need to respect that. She may not want to buy underwear in public with you, thats what you have friends for Rob, why do you need the validation of PDA?
Rob: Well, I’ve heard some say I’m over compensating for something or that its because of my “beard” which I dont get AT ALL!
Kristen: *Rolls eyes*
Rob: why would i need to have PDA because of my beard?! So i shaved it
Kristen: People think you need a beard because they think you’re gay
Rob: WHHHHAAA???!!! Gay? I’m Engish, I have man friends, and I giggle, THIS makes me gay??
Kristen: I mean, you are more emotional than most women…it’s not that far of a stretch and I do have the body of a 13-yr-old boy
Rob: I just feel deeply…. its like i can read peoples minds…
Kristen: I like when you feel deeply
*blushes*
Rob: and for the record, I love bone-y bodies I like to wonder whether its a boob or a shoulder blade when we’re making out
Kristen: I’m NOT that flat chested!
*crosses arms over chest*
Rob: Less to love!!
.

Are they ready for the magicness till death do us part?

Therapist: so Kristen it looks like rob is ready for a big commitment, ie marriage, do you think he’s ready at 23 years old? and are you at 20? you cant even legally drink or rent cars…
Kristen: I want to live in the here and now, I said this before. How can I commit to marriage when I am going to be the next big serious actress. SERIOUS. I mean, Twilight is going to open so many doors for me. When you are married, the WE comes before ME. I’m too young to come second
Rob: yes you are very serious dear. VERY. I believe in you! But what 23 ALMOST 24 year old successful actor with women throwing themselves at me and more money than god would NOT want to get married at this age?!
Kristen: I need a cigarette
Rob: and what 20 year old girl with loads of money, wolf hybrids to breed and SERIOUS movies to make wouldnt want to marry ME?! i mean we’re already living in palatial pads all over the world together!
Kristen: Rob, why can’t you just be happy with what we have?
Rob: why not make it official to the world?
Kristen: believe the magicness… the magicness only happens behind closed doors
Rob: but EVERYONE needs to see the magicness
Kristen: i mean, when’s the last time we got it going on the bearskin rug?
Rob: Just the other day I was on it cleaning out the crumbs from when we ordered in pizza, I gave you a look but you wouldn’t join me in the crumbs and matted bear fur… sad.
Therapist: Tell us more Rob, why do you REALLY want to get married, to keep Kristen?

Viggo DEFS knows his way around a bearskin rug AND an audition tape

Rob: what about your future costars!? What if you have an amazing audition with Viggo Mortenson for Snow White and the Huntsmen?
Kristen: *looks hopeful*
Rob: I’m scared there wont be a Catherine Hardwicke around to talk about it and remind us EVERY DAY
Kristen: *sigh* Rob… you have to believe the magicness.
Rob: I BELIEVE! oh I BELIEVE
Therapist: ok so can we make some concessions here?
Kristen: *bitch faces*
Rob: like if she stops complaining about my boy friends, i’ll stop putting my hands within 5 feet of her?
Therapist: sure… and maybe once a month Kristen will agree to go out with you in public…. Kristen? anything to add that you can agree to?
Kristen: I promise that I may be okay with wrist holding
Rob: OH MY GOD! this is really something…
Kristen: NOT ALL THE TIME.

Rob: it’s been like over a year since we held wrists! Doctor, this is a huge break through, maybe we can invite you to the wedding!!!
Kristen: ROB!
Rob: IS THAT A YES?!
Kristen: Grrrrr
Rob: Tom already has his best man dress – suit picked out! YEA!!!!!
Kristen: I don’t care what you and your hobo friends picked out.
Rob: IT’S PLAID ALL PLAID!!! and all NOT WASHED! it’ll be beautiful
Kristen: SEE this is always the issue, you are so jacked up that you make me seem bitchy. DOC, doesn’t he make me seem bitchy?
Therapist:… hmmm this might be what we I the business call projection… WELL look at the time…. I think you guys have a movie to make!

Ok, we creeped each other out enough at this point so we had to stop… so according to the gossip you two are in couples counseling… if that’s the truth just end it now. You’re not even out of your early 20s, you can’t admit to being together or not being together and you’re in couples counseling? Just saw HALE NAH and move on friends. Or at least tell us why this “source” thinks Rob is so mature… we’d love to know why.

Off to my LARP-ing weekend,
Themoonisdown

Now THAT is a friend you guys! Someone who will act like a couple of actors in couples counseling based on a gossip site’s news for our blog. Someone give BrookeLockhart a hand (and a follow) and maybe an Oscar for her nuanced use of Kristen’s most well known characteristics and body language! A fine performance.

What do you think of the news? Total crap? Why would they be in counseling and what would you ask them if you were the therapist?

Source: Gossip Cop

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

  • Anonymous

    This whole thing was hilarious! Oh to be a fly on the wall. But the coffee spittake happened here: “He lets me show more PDA with him than Kristen does!” It’s funny because it’s true!

    P.S.- Thank you for the pic of Viggo Mortensen… I wouldn’t mind seeing his bearskin rug skills first hand… I’m just saying.

    • superhumanmoron

      Viggo doesn’t do it on bearskin. He does it on oliphant hide.

    • superhumanmoron

      Viggo doesn’t do it on bearskin. He does it on oliphant hide.

      • Moon

        with a symphony of orcs in the background

        • TeamSeth

          I’m now imagining those intense horns of Gondor… and the super insane one from Helm’s Deep!

          • superhumanmoron

            But that’s no orc horn!

          • TeamSeth

            It is certainly not! And put into that phrasing combined with the half a bottle of wine I just consumed, man oh man, I really want a Gondor horn up in me. Hear me roar: ARAGOOOORN!

    • MariaCecilia

      It makes me wonder why Brits are made out to be cool, stiff-upper-lip people, while Americans are supposedly warm, outgoing and casual-friendly. Show us the love, Kristen! Make America proud!

      • Moon

        i’m warm casual and outgoing!!! ;)

        i think it’s true for anyone regardless of the country it all comes back to each person and their personality

        • MariaCecilia

          Of course you are dear! :-) But why did you have to go all sensible on me, now: of course you’re right, but isn’t it a wee bit more fun to pretend that there actually are national traits? (Plus when I lived in the States I kind of thought that Americans were easy to get to know on a superficial plane, but real hard to talk deep stuff with, while us Scandinavians tend to be like ketchup bottles – first there’s nothing, then there’s nothing, and then we gush our hearts out and are loyal BFF:s forever!)

    • http://tracitalynne.com Tracitalynne

      yeah, there was a spittake with Kristen: :looks hopeful: heeheehee.

  • Tigerkitten36

    I saw that article and was waiting for what UC and Moon would say about it. Having Brookelockart is a nice bonus! It was great and give me the giggles this morning, however ..Isnt Rob almost 25?

    It makes me feel less cougarish to know he’s turning 25 in May, just sayin’

    • Anonymous

      Yes, 25 in may

    • MariaCecilia

      So, can we have a big celebration then? If Rob is the cake, who wants a birthday piece, I mean…

    • http://twitter.com/hepaestus hepaestus

      Yes! 25! A 25 year old could in NO WAY be my kid! Even Kristen would make me a tragically young mother. Not a cougar. Puma, maybe. Ocelot.

      • http://twitter.com/hepaestus hepaestus

        HAHA! OOOPS. This is Tracitalynne. I didn’t realize I was on my husband’s computer and I just commented as him about being a cougar! Oh shit he is going to be pissed HAHAHAHAHAA.

    • Moon

      i thought he was turning 24 in may… wow im a bad fan.

      • TeamSeth

        wow, you are a bad fan. even I knew he was at least 24, and we know how often I think about Rob or research Rob or read LTR or do anything at all related to Rob.

      • Anonymous

        You’re just compensating for the insanely good fan moment you had earlier this week when you realized that Taylor’s new girl was from the same hometown as… one of Rob’s characters. Just restoring balance to your universe :)

  • MariaCecilia

    Well, if they are a couple they sure could do with some counseling, if that will make them more NORMAL!! ;-)
    I laughed a lot reading this, but actually, I went to couple’s counseling with my husband when we were like 25, just to iron out some snags in the beginning of our marriage (like why his guy BFF:s hated on me and thought I was bitch face and why I thought his guy BFF:s were like totally gay-protective of their relationship – duh!) and the counsellor was just staring at us like “why are you even here? you’ re 25, you think YOU have problems??” Looking back it was pretty hilarious and should totally have been taped as a Rob-and-Kristen-counselling session…

  • MariaCecilia

    Well, if they are a couple they sure could do with some counseling, if that will make them more NORMAL!! ;-)
    I laughed a lot reading this, but actually, I went to couple’s counseling with my husband when we were like 25, just to iron out some snags in the beginning of our marriage (like why his guy BFF:s hated on me and thought I was bitch face and why I thought his guy BFF:s were like totally gay-protective of their relationship – duh!) and the counsellor was just staring at us like “why are you even here? you’ re 25, you think YOU have problems??” Looking back it was pretty hilarious and should totally have been taped as a Rob-and-Kristen-counselling session…

    • Moon

      we’ll be asking you to role play next time

  • http://letterstotwilight.com UnintendedChoice

    OMG. I’m fired as a role-player. You were brilliant Brookie. This was beautiful. Perfect start to a Friday. I like to believe R&K are exactly like this!

    • Moon

      they aren’t??

      it’s like i told someone when they asked if i wanted to meet rob etc… i dont know because there’s NO way they could live up to the stuff we’ve said about them. their “charatcers” are way better

      • MariaCecilia

        Oh, now I get the chills ’cause that’s just too true..It reminds me of this t-shirt I saw today with the caption “Keeping it unreal”. Let’s make a vow to do just that, ladies!

        • cosi bella

          I want that t shirt.

  • http://letterstotwilight.com UnintendedChoice

    OMG. I’m fired as a role-player. You were brilliant Brookie. This was beautiful. Perfect start to a Friday. I like to believe R&K are exactly like this!

  • Tracitalynne

    ohshit I laughed out loud IN PUBLIC just at the “safeword”. Then I had to grin maniacally behind my coffee cup to hold in the guffawing.

    SRSLY Rob, I would let you touch me anywhere you wanted to and I would totally let you hold my wrist in public, beard or no beard. (Heh. giggling again now about the English and giggling. *snicker*)

  • Tracitalynne

    ohshit I laughed out loud IN PUBLIC just at the “safeword”. Then I had to grin maniacally behind my coffee cup to hold in the guffawing.

    SRSLY Rob, I would let you touch me anywhere you wanted to and I would totally let you hold my wrist in public, beard or no beard. (Heh. giggling again now about the English and giggling. *snicker*)

  • Anonymous

    Y’all are in fine form this week– thanks for the giggles during an insane week. (Cross-country move with a toddler and a cat at 33 weeks pregnant! Good times!)

    • Moon

      been thinking about you! hope it all went smoothly!

    • Anonymous

      Wow! Good times fo sho. We drove across country in two vehicles with a 2 and 6 year old. Guess who got stuck with the kids. Had to separate the two when the 2yo kept yanking her big sis’s hair for fun. Times haven’t changed much but at least I’m not stuck in the car with them for 6 days.

      • Anonymous

        Fortunately we flew… unfortunately we had to fly with a carseat and a cat… but we seem to have survived, and it was sure faster than the drive would have been!

    • TeamSeth

      I didn’t know cats’ terms were that long. ;)

  • Anonymous

    Y’all are in fine form this week– thanks for the giggles during an insane week. (Cross-country move with a toddler and a cat at 33 weeks pregnant! Good times!)

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  • http://twitter.com/tracitalynne Traci Olsen

    OMg OMG OMG, you guys. I totally am going to work today, I swear, but OMG look at the awesome tshirt I just found: http://www.sharingmachine.com/index.php?item=69

    ROBSTER!

  • Gaston4_2002

    After I read this i went over to read the gossip link. This is the most awesome article ever!! (yours not theirs)

  • Gaston4_2002

    After I read this i went over to read the gossip link. This is the most awesome article ever!! (yours not theirs)

  • Anonymous

    Great job BrookeLockart!

    This was my favorite part:
    “Rob: WHHHHAAA???!!! Gay? I’m Engish, I have man friends, and I giggle, THIS makes me gay??
    Kristen: I mean, you are more emotional than most women…it’s not that far of a stretch and I do have the body of a 13-yr-old boy”

    Too funny! lolz

  • Anonymous

    That was an extremely awkward conversation to havat work. Almost turpentined 3x. So happy it turned out well!

    • Moon

      RED! RED! RED!

      • http://twitter.com/tracitalynne Traci Olsen

        Oh. I just laughed at an incredibly inappropriate time. Oh that was funny. Thank you.

  • TheSnuggler

    Well done Moon and Brookelockart! Shouldn’t that be BrookeLoquatPie? (Sorry if someone’s been there before me on that one!). When we make the movie of these kids’ lives, who do we want to play the therapist….Woody Allen? Tim Allen? Allen DeGeneres???

    • Anonymous

      Allen DeG

    • Anonymous

      Allen DeG

    • Anonymous

      Allen DeG

    • Anonymous

      Allen DeG

    • TeamSeth

      I want Cougwicke to play the therapist.

      • cosi bella

        My vote for therapist goes to big daddy lautner – he has a degree in psychology.
        Based on his best selling couples self help book:

        “Pass The Breadsticks” (a couples guide to embracing abundance)

  • http://www.talksupe.wordpress.com snowwhitedrifted

    Lol, nice work Brook and Moon!
    A wedding party clad in plaid would be dizzying fabulousssssss

    *wonders* since my handle is “Snow White…” do I automatically get a turn on the Viggo rug?

    • Moon

      he’ll defs be your huntsmen

    • Moon

      crap i meant to add this pic in and forgot

      http://www.blogcdn.com/www.luxist.com/media/2008/04/bb2.jpg

      the groomsmen’s attire

      • http://www.talksupe.wordpress.com snowwhitedrifted

        How did the model keep a straight face?

      • Anonymous

        I love that, but I think that special suit should be reserved for Father of the Bride. Charlie would look so damn hawwwwt – just add a bow tie – world weary meets Dixieland meets haute meets DILF. I get sizzling love quivers just thinking about it. Though I’m sure they don’t have that sort of runway fashion in Forks. Bella might have to make a run to Pendleton and have seamstress in Port Angeles put it together…extra fabric can be used as curtains for the Swan house.

        • Anonymous

          Nat, I think your getting confused b/t reality and fiction here! ;) This is Rob and Kristen’s wedding we’re talking about!! That means Dick would be wearing the plaid suit and I’m not so sure he can pull it off. Now, I do love me some Dick but I think that those would look much better on the Britpack!! (but I do love your ideas!)

          • natteringyeahrobber

            But…but….I don’t wanna talk about Rob & Kristen’s wedding, I want to talk about fictional plaidhunky Charlie. So much more dreamy.

          • natteringyeahrobber

            Why are my postings showing up as Popcorn – I SWEAR (this is NYR here – who the hell is Popcorn??). I love popcorn and all – so bizarro. Unless I changed my name last night? I don’t remember doing that, but pepperoni pizza does have weird effects on me. Gonna have to go all Disqus-deep-hacker on my account now.

          • Anonymous

            OK. I figured it out – got rid of that Popcorn alterna-identity. She sure was annoying. I don’t remember ever creating that profile, but whatever. Maybe I can blame her for all my lame postings, and give NYR credit for the good ones. Gotta love Disqus sometimes.

        • TeamSeth

          Pendleton ftw!

      • cosi bella

        Rupert Bear.

    • TeamSeth

      clad in plaid! <3

  • Sakers46

    U guys r tooooo funny! I was rolling. Good job!

  • cosi bella

    All of it was awesome.

    Kudos ladies – you have mad skills.

    But for some reason it it was the “wristholding” that just tickled me so much
    Hahahahahahaha!

    :)))))))))))

    • TeamSeth

      your smiley always reminds me of this Tom Baker emoticon that Sj sent me once. lol

  • TwilightCat

    Moon and Brooke, that was EPIC!!!

    My favorites were:

    Rob: and for the record, I love bone-y bodies I like to wonder whether its a boob or a shoulder blade when we’re making out
    Kristen: I’m NOT that flat chested!
    *crosses arms over chest*
    Rob: Less to love!!

    And:

    Rob: IT’S PLAID ALL PLAID!!! and all NOT WASHED! it’ll be beautiful

    You totes had me ROFLMAOing at work (k, I work from home, but still!)

  • sw_twi_fan

    According to Life and Style last week, it was Rob who wants out of the relationship. Apparently, he’s cozying up to Keira Knightly. I can’t keep up.
    If I lived their life, I would definitely need a therapist.

    • Anonymous

      Oh, so that’s who the new costar was! I thought maybe she was jealous of Renameme!! Too bad Keira’s not even IN the movie, lol.

    • Anonymous

      Oh, so that’s who the new costar was! I thought maybe she was jealous of Renameme!! Too bad Keira’s not even IN the movie, lol.

  • Anonymous

    Ahem…speaking for the british contingent (although I have lived in the US for many years)
    here’s a quick british cultural primer (this is all of course JMHO)>>>>>

    The typical Brit is wise cracking (like Rob).

    Rob is only untypical (atypical?) IMO in that he is EXCEPTIONALLLY pithy and witty (which usually comes with extremely high intellect and this is true no matter what country you come from …except for those small minority, aspergers spectrum type, no-wit ‘freaky smart’ types)

    So what’s this stiff upper lip? The ‘stiff upper lip’ relates to the British aversion to ‘gushy shows of emotion’ (partic in public or with people you barely know). That’s why Brits get turned off by “Americans who act like your best friend after 1 minute” (don’t shoot me just relaying popular misconceptions and no I don’t agree – in fact american sterotypes annoy me more than british sterotypes).

    The one emotion that brits 100% approve of being liberally displayed in private and public anywhere with ANYone is HUMOR. which most brits do with gusto non-stop all the time and can be quite a PITA at times. Also known as “Taking the Piss’ and generally trying to outdo each other with ‘smart-ass’ comments.

    Kristin would be considered by the brits (can’t speak for the aussies or anyone else) as ‘typically Amercan’. i.e. over ‘earnest’ and lacks that sense of humor and ‘takes herself too seriously’

    Taylor lautner falls into the “lighten up already” category too. That’s an understatment. Horribly so. (so’s that)

    Kristin and Taylor IMO are NOT typical of americans. Hear that you brits? NOT TYPICAL.

    IMO Every now and again some brit(s) celebrity will pop up onto the american cultural scene and serve as a timely reminder that it’s ok for celebrities to just be themselves and not take themselves so seriously. The Beatles did this and Rob Pattinson is striking the same chord.

    I could right 10 textwalls on this subject – but oops we’re supposed to be having fun here..(ooh I’ve just realized – I’m being LTT ‘Tweedserious’ aren’t I ? amirite?)

    Oh and PS Brits never call themselves ‘Brits’

    • Anonymous

      ‘Oh and PS Brits never call themselves ‘Brits” – what do they refer to themselves as? I have a Brit, short for Brittany of course.

      • TeamSeth

        Limeys? :)

        • http://twitter.com/tracitalynne Traci Olsen

          Sometimes I call my British friends Limey Bastards. It’s more descriptive. :)
          And I have found that sometimes my NEW England sense of humor is misunderstood by the overly earnest midwesterners. I moved out west for a bit, cracked a few jokes and my co workers were all: “Why. Are you. Such. A. Bitch?”

          Which is why Operation Best Friends with Benefits is going to be such a screaming success.

    • JellyBeanRainbow

      So Brits didn’t name their music awards Brit awards and they didn’t name 90s pop Britpop? Etc… Who did then? #confused

  • Anonymous

    Ahem…speaking for the british contingent (although I have lived in the US for many years)
    here’s a quick british cultural primer (this is all of course JMHO)>>>>>

    The typical Brit is wise cracking (like Rob).

    Rob is only untypical (atypical?) IMO in that he is EXCEPTIONALLLY pithy and witty (which usually comes with extremely high intellect and this is true no matter what country you come from …except for those small minority, aspergers spectrum type, no-wit ‘freaky smart’ types)

    So what’s this stiff upper lip? The ‘stiff upper lip’ relates to the British aversion to ‘gushy shows of emotion’ (partic in public or with people you barely know). That’s why Brits get turned off by “Americans who act like your best friend after 1 minute” (don’t shoot me just relaying popular misconceptions and no I don’t agree – in fact american sterotypes annoy me more than british sterotypes).

    The one emotion that brits 100% approve of being liberally displayed in private and public anywhere with ANYone is HUMOR. which most brits do with gusto non-stop all the time and can be quite a PITA at times. Also known as “Taking the Piss’ and generally trying to outdo each other with ‘smart-ass’ comments.

    Kristin would be considered by the brits (can’t speak for the aussies or anyone else) as ‘typically Amercan’. i.e. over ‘earnest’ and lacks that sense of humor and ‘takes herself too seriously’

    Taylor lautner falls into the “lighten up already” category too. That’s an understatment. Horribly so. (so’s that)

    Kristin and Taylor IMO are NOT typical of americans. Hear that you brits? NOT TYPICAL.

    IMO Every now and again some brit(s) celebrity will pop up onto the american cultural scene and serve as a timely reminder that it’s ok for celebrities to just be themselves and not take themselves so seriously. The Beatles did this and Rob Pattinson is striking the same chord.

    I could right 10 textwalls on this subject – but oops we’re supposed to be having fun here..(ooh I’ve just realized – I’m being LTT ‘Tweedserious’ aren’t I ? amirite?)

    Oh and PS Brits never call themselves ‘Brits’

    • cosi bella

      *sigh* unintentional double post – don’t know how to delete – sorry!

      • Anonymous

        Aha! Long informative post. I should have known it was Cosi bella. :D

        • TeamSeth

          I thought she was Brazilian! (joking cosi, I read your negation of that last week–this week?)

    • TeamSeth

      Yeah, I don’t think any Americans I know call themselves Yanks or Yankees.

      Anyway, wait, British people think Americans are all over earnest and lack a sense of humor? I always thought they found us over the top, obnoxious, and overbearing. Hm.

      • cosi bella

        TS – All of the above :)

        just like we’v all got bad teeth and ‘stiff upper lips’ and personally know the queen :)))

        (and mods pleeeeeease delete my double post – I’ve given up with disqus)

        • TeamSeth

          No way, you’ve spawned two separate threads from your double posts–you’re legend. Well, not as much Legend as Molina, but I’m sure you can understand that.

          I’m still confused about “over earnest”. Honestly, and this is why (public shame commence): I dated an English guy once (see, I know the distinction between British and English! He was a Mancunian) and when I met his friends, they took to me fine. Which was somewhat of a shock because the other English people I’ve met were quite rude to me… but in that passive aggressive way where they talk crap behind your back and you hear about it third party. But I guess I never saw anyone as stiff lipped, unless that means “not forthcoming about their feelings”. It’s more like you’re at an interview with an the HR director for a job you’re sort of qualified for, and she’s soooooo nice to you, but all the while she’s thinking “Why did we even call her in?” (Like in that one Peep Show episode from season 1. Wow, did i just reference a British show in my explanation of how these mean Birmingham people were! That makes me laugh.) So, you don’t even know people found you offensive, which means you can’t defend yourself or explain it. Is that being over earnest? I thought earnest had more of a “innocent enthusiasm” in its definition/connotation… but maybe I need to look it up again. (hold please!) “showing depth and sincerity of feeling” Okay, so over earnest is showing depth and sincerity of feeling in a way that’s over intensified which rings as false to the recipient of said depth and sincerity? Got it. Yeah, I wasn’t being over earnest–or really even earnest. Though I just looked up “stiff upper lip” and it said: “n. An attitude of determined endurance or restraint in the face of adversity.” Was I an adversity to them?! I’m certainly not important enough to merit such a word. Sigh. Now I need to drink more to forget about those people. Think about my nice Mancunian friends and my cute friend from Sheffield! :D

          Wow. I should just NOT drink and comment. It’s always either about having fade to black with Damon Salvatore or me spilling my sad life fail memories to the interwebs. (O, the tangled webs we weave!)

          Okay, lady, I just had to delete like four paragraphs of chatter there. Maybe we should exchange emails (which I was planning to suggest already, but now I’m like “Wow, I wish I could just email her.” Sigh.) I’m goteamseth@gmail.com Ball’s in your court, Cosi. ;)

          • cosi bella

            The brummies and mancunians were being jerks to you. No further analysis needed.

          • TeamSeth

            no no, the mancunians were being nice.

          • Anonymous

            I love wine.

          • popcorn

            and p.s. Peep Show is a show Americans should not try to remake. I cannot see it working out well.

          • TeamSeth

            I AGREE.

  • Anonymous

    I don’t want Rob and Kristen to break up (or get married), like, ever. My Google Alerts are way too much fun for it to ever end.

  • blackgirltwihard

    LMAO @ ALL of this…. Especially “I was high” and “Is that a Yes” WTF???!! #win

  • Allryans

    Rob’s love language is touch and Kristen’s is Words of Affirmation! Finally, all that weird twilight interview flirting makes sense!

  • Anonymous

    And now I need to go to Disneyland- there is only so much “magicness” in one post that I can handle. :)

  • Anonymous

    WIN! WIN! WIN! Great job ladies!! So many laughable moments, I’ve always wondered what Rob’s love language was! (no,not really) Rob, my love language is quality time and you can’t even show yourself buying your cobb salad!!! WTHale!

    • natteringyeahrobber

      His new thing is chicken tikka masala, per my latest Google Alert. If he shows up at my house (I’m making it tonight Rob, dinner is at 6:30 please be prompt since my kids don’t like to wait — according to DH mine is better than “most restaurants”) I’ll get plenty of quality time photos for you.

      • robsfuturemate

        Thanks Nat! That’s what mates are for, right?! I promise to be prompt but I can’t guarantee Rob’s promptness. Wait, this wasn’t an open invitation! I thought you were going to be taking the photos of Rob and I!

        • natteringyeahrobber

          You are always welcome to come over for chicken tikka, RFM. Just as long as you are prompt and can deal with 2 kids who will want to show you everything they ever made, ever. And Rob, dinner’s still on, right? We’ll set a plate for you too. I make it spicy, so bring your 6-pack of Heineken unless you want to eat from the kid’s batch.

  • Anonymous

    So what’s your LARP-ing power? Mine is the power of logic!

  • pattygirl

    all those gossip mags point to one thing ; Kristen as the bad guy. True or false?

    • JellyBeanRainbow

      No, they’re equally blamed for problems and infidelities in their “relationship”

    • natteringyeahrobber

      Depends who you ask. A coworker once asked me (because I’m the resident Twilight expert within 10 feet of her) if Rob was Robsten and Kristen was Nonsten. At this point, I just hold up my hands and shrug.

      It is a strange thing, whatever it is, though.

  • Anonymous

    I like Lucy from Peanuts and her psychiatric booth!

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