Jessica Stanley: Get the HALE out of Forks

I sat down to write a letter to some of the “lost” characters of Twilight- you know.. the ones that got attention in the books & either DON’T exist in the movies or exist very limitedly. But then I realized it’s been so long since I’ve read the books that that would require more research than I’m able to give it on a Sunday evening. But while I was searching for ideas, I discovered that out of the 3,726 words we have “tagged” in our posts over the past 2+ years, Jessica Stanley has been tagged exactly SIX times. SIX! That’s it!! The girl playing her almost won an Oscar! Her character is HILARIOUS in the movies & pretty prevalent in the books! This is a major LTT oversight! Thankfully, my long-lost friend who I reconnected with through LTT, The Plane Friend, wrote Jessica a letter awhile ago. Today, Jessica gets her SEVENTH tag! (and you know how we love SEVEN around here!)

Smile- you're gonna almost win an Oscar someday!

Dear Jessica,

You are one of the oddest Twilight characters for me. I don’t really like you, but I feel like you’re a necessary part of the story, both as an essential part of helping the plot along and as a needed high school stereotype. However, on successive re-readings, I have started to feel a little bit of pity for you, which brings me to a piece of advice:  Girl, you need to get the heck out of Forks.

Why?

Well, first off, since your town is so small, it’s hard to get away from people. You spent your last year-and-a-half in high school constantly in Bella’s shadow. While I readily admit that I have much more of an affinity for Bella than lots of readers, I do get your exasperation when she moved to Forks and everyone went crazy over her. You’d think she’d have to do something to earn all the admiration she got. Very rarely have I seen quiet, shy girls—even pretty ones—get that popular. Usually, in high school, it’s the girls who are nasty, prey on other girls’ insecurities, and stroke the egos of cute-but-very-unworthy boys (just in case you didn’t catch it, that would be Lauren and you).

We promise. Life gets better outside of Forks

Secondly, you seem to be having the same problem my friends and I did in high school: not enough dateable boys to go around. Of course, you have an Edward Cullen, Emmet Cullen, and Jasper Hale (and we didn’t), but as they’re all taken, the rest of you seem to be stuck with Mike, Tyler, some guys named Connor and Lee we barely hear about, so we can probably assume are not realistic options, and Eric—who, even when he was an option…well, wasn’t.

I totally get that despite his stand-offish-ness, you had a rough time getting over your hang-up on Edward. He is Edward. However, he doesn’t think much of you. How do I know? Well, I can attest to that as one of those who wasted time trudging through TERRIBLE drivel that we hope NEVER, EVER gets finished (Ahem, Midnight Sun) and was privy to some of his thoughts. He didn’t waste many on you.  It’s good you refocused elsewhere.

Mike seems like the kind of guy who is a perfect high school boyfriend—in other words, a reality check. You pursue him when he’s obviously not that into you. You manage to snag him, but there’s likely that insecurity that he’s still hung up on Bella floating around in your mind (and trust us, honey, he was). The problem? Once he broke up with you, you should have cut your losses and MOVED ON, not started dating him again after he found out that Bella was getting married! You need to go to college, girl, and find a guy who isn’t secretly hankering after your frenemy.  I might not like you that much, but no one deserves to be second runner up with her own boyfriend.

But seriously.. it would help if you'd stop being such a Biatch

I do worry about what you would do in college, though. You seem like the type who might spend way too much time at parties, hook up with the wrong boys, and very likely not learn much about becoming a responsible adult. (Behavior I am sure your creator would join me in shaking our heads at).

So if you do jump off the party deep end in California, you might want to keep in email contact with Bella. She might not tell you too many details about her married life (rumor has it there’s a five-year-old who looks a lot like her and Edward running around Forks, but he’s very close-lipped about it [a niece?] and she has only been seen around town through very darkly tinted car windows lately). If she does fill you in on the details of what some of us call the “fade-to-black” part of her honeymoon, however, forward that email over to LTT. We’re all dying to read it.

With love,
The Plane Friend

What do you think about Jessica? Is she the perfect example of a typical highschooler? Was she too hard on Bella? But Seriously- that always bugged me- what WAS it about Bella that all the guys gravitated toward?!

Do you “Like” LTT on Facebook? Why not? What’s not to Like? Our profile pic is STILL Christmas-themed! Do it now! Like LTT on Facebook

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store
  • GeminiGypsy

    I think Jessica was a typical high schooler. A she wasn’t too hard on Bella, because really Bella was the one who went all zombie and stopped being friends with her. I was a little miffed that they made her the valedictorian in the movie- she definitely wasn’t supposed to be… I really liked their choice of actress though, she was extremely close to my imagined Jessica. I liked Jessica in the books, but I was much closer to Bella, Angela, and Alice.

  • ThePlaneFriend

    A quick P.S….while I’m not a big Jessica fan, I LOVE Anna Kendrick. Just to clear that up :)

    • Anonymous

      I hear you! The Twilight movies really struck gold when they snagged her as Jessica. By the way has Anna Kendrick been in anything else lately? I just loved her in Up in the Air and want to see her in more. She’s far more talented/likable than most starlets out there.

    • Anonymous

      I hear you! The Twilight movies really struck gold when they snagged her as Jessica. By the way has Anna Kendrick been in anything else lately? I just loved her in Up in the Air and want to see her in more. She’s far more talented/likable than most starlets out there.

  • Anonymous

    “what WAS it about Bella that all the guys gravitated toward”

    Exactly!?

    But I guess it’s her that made the books so successful in the first place – every single boring not very attractive little girl imagined she could be her, the object of affection for so many guys

    and only us, the normal ones, liked the books so much because of the hot vampire guy and the almost as hot wolfguy

    I didn’t like Jessica very much in the books, it I remember it correctly (time to go read them again, huh?), but I looooove Anna Kendrick being her. The “conversation” Jessica had in NM, before Bella boarded the David Slade driven motorcycle was genius!

  • Ambella

    I love movie “jessica”….but book Jessica was a “mean girl”……

    all the guys went crazy for Bella cause she was something differnt……”shiny new toy” and all……..*sigh* we plain girls can dream:-)

  • Anonymous

    Oh Jessica, Bella just had that, je ne sais quoi. ;) She was pretty, she just wasn’t conceded because she didn’t know it. Plus she was new, someone different than who everyone had known since they were toddler, which explains the Forks high school male masses. But the clincher was, her blood smelled otherworldly… Some people are blessed with a naturally kind demeanor, like Angela. Some are blessed with boobs that look good in prom dresses, like you. Some just smell so good that people want to just eat them up. It was just unfortunate that the adonis in Forks wasn’t a boob guy and kind of had a thing for smell. The plane friend is right. Go bang some undeserving college guys and forget about the adonis, Bella and Mike who just wanted the new toy and then reallllly wanted it when he saw someone else with it. You’ll be fine. :)

    • Anonymous

      LOL – boob guy vs. smell guy. Lovely. Men are so complex ;)

    • Anonymous

      LOL – boob guy vs. smell guy. Lovely. Men are so complex ;)

    • TeamSeth

      Was Bella pretty though? I never got the sense she was. Even Edward didn’t find her anything special when he first saw her… I mean, he had a major change of heart there. If he’d just judged a book by the cover, we never would’ve had a saga. MS has a quote in it something like “I didn’t know what was so special about this girl. She was just a human, not even that attractive.” then later he thinks, “How could I ever have thought she wasn’t attractive!” It’s the typical once you get to know someone they become excessively hot thing.

      Though I will say that line about her being human is kind of rude, given that he values human life enough to want to live among them peacefully and not eat them! A bit hypocritical!!!

      (a million points for “adonis”)

      • Stacey

        I don’t think Edward actually LIKED humans. It just made him sound like he was better than everybody else. For example, he could go to Aro with his nose in the air, “I respect those lowly little humans. So much that I can CONTROL myself. I am better than you and everybody else.

        Sorry. I am down on Edward, now that I started reading Discovery of Witches. That has a yoga, British vamp named Matthew. sigh.

        • Anonymous

          Gasp! Down in Edward?! I think I just cried a little bit.

          • Stacey

            Read Discovery of Witches…Seriously…you’ll see. #awesomeGROWNUPEdward

          • TeamSeth

            Yoga Edward who is British? Is that like a YA series or an adult book? It sounds very adult ;)

        • Anonymous

          Down on Edward? Don’t worry, I’d go there for you ;)

          • http://twitter.com/tracitalynne Traci Olsen

            *snortlaugh*

      • Anonymous

        I’m not saying she was drop dead. I mean, she didn’t look like Christian Seratos (outside the Angela persona: sans glasses and ponytail), or Ashely Green in a paint-on Sobe swimsuit. No. I’m just saying she was pretty enough, an attractive human. But human. And humans just don’t dazzle like Vamps, so he was less than impressed initially. ;)

        Yeah, I remember in MS Edward thinking something to that effect. That he was bored with the thoughts the humans had about a new student and not really understanding her pull. But after a hundred years of listening to everyone’s tedious thoughts, withstanding virginity in a house of couples where you can hear everything, and being surrounded by the extraordinary beauty that comes hand-in-hand with vampires, wouldn’t you kind of be a tad callous towards the attractive qualities of mere humans? He was just kind of going through the motions and didn’t really notice anything or anyone–that old curmudgeon he really was. He just kind of “was.” Until Bella’s scent woke him up forcefully, that is.

        Yeah, it was kind of hypocritical for him to have such a negative take on humans. But I think I remember in MS (that crappy, crappy thing that would be terrible if it was ever finished and published, bleh) that when he sat there trying with everything he had to not devour Bella (and not in the schmexy, bedroom, fanfic way) he thought about his “father” Carlisle. How he idolized him really and that it was because of his desire to make Carlisle proud of him that he’d mainly did the whole “no human meal” thing. It wasn’t his first choice.

        Thank you for the million points! :D How exciting! (What do you DO with a million points? Go to Disneyland? Or since its a million LTT/Twilight points, do I get to go to Forks? How you lik’n’ the rain?)

        • TeamSeth

          Hang on a second, I need to slip on my tweed jacket. (disappears to house and back to work) There we go! Okay, so what was a I saying… Oh yes, vampire beauty vs. human beauty. So, let’s first address that beauty is–more or less–subjective. There is a ‘universal’ beauty (like most people can agree that the clear night sky has a level of beauty to it, or a giant glistening glacier, or a sunset over the ocean at Big Sur, etc.), that can also apply to humans at a very…advertising/social/cultural level (i.e. we are programmed to think something is attractive/beautiful). This of course does not mean that each person does not see beauty in their own form. However, I think we can agree that Stephenie Meyer is taking the concept of a universal beauty and applying it to vampires. Vampires are universally beautiful to humans in SM’s lore.

          But are they to other vampires?

          Think about it, humans don’t find all other humans attractive. If all humans were universally attractive to other humans, than they would. But, SM never says that vampires are universally attractive to other vampires–merely to humans. They are meant to draw in their prey in order to feed [more easily]. “Everything about me draws you in. My voice, my face, my smell, even my taste.” (er, maybe I added that last bit) That’s why they transform from their human state into their sexy vampire state–in order to seduce humans. But not vampires. Is vampire aesthetic and taste the same as when they are humans? Is the perception of beauty the same as a vampire as it is as a human? What’s to say that vampires aren’t selective in the same way that humans are about their beauty quantifiers?

          When Bella turns she notes that her perception of Edward’s beauty before was so measly and pathetic in comparison to the true, glorious nature of his beauty. So, one could argue, that yes, indeed vampires are attracted to vampires and find them to be beautiful. But said argument could fall flat when you recognize the unconditional love bond between Edward and Bella. How could she ever find him anything less than glorious in every way, given her feelings for him? Plus, with that in mind, we can never truly know if a vampire finds other vampires universally attractive because she would never look at another vampire in the same way she looks at Edward. They’d all pale in comparison (pale, heh).

          However, Edward in MS states things like how he finds Rosalie and Tanya attractive, if not beautiful, physically, but he’s “just not that into them.” So, that could support the universally beautiful to all vampires theory. As in vampires find all vampires super hot, so that becomes an unnecessary discriminator. It’s just a part of being a vampire, so in looking for a mate, they only need to look to the ‘inside’ of a vampire, not the outside (as all outside is the same, given they are all universally beautiful and there are no shades or degrees of beauty or subjectivity to it, by definition). This could be argued (a definition, or plausibility of “universally”) by the judgment of James by human Bella as being “less attractive” than most vampires. Still beautiful, but not as much. So, universally beautiful–but in shades/degrees. Is vampire beauty really so complex?

          Another argument could be that vampires will find vampires universally attractive because as humans they do, and according to the lore, your human traits, tendencies, and aesthetics remain with you (forever, apparently) once you turn. So, as a human you think vamps are super hot and smell amazing, and therefore you still will.

          So, what do you think–are vampires universally beautiful to other vampires the way they are to humans? Is it done in shades/degrees due to subjectivity per vampire? Will your tastes from human aesthetics change once turned?

          (ps- when I read you “do I get to go to Forks?” line I read it in a “I wanna live in Forks still” voice hehe)

          On a side note that was triggered by thoughts of vampire skin: If a vampire dies by fire, and wolves have 108 degree skin, wouldn’t–in some sort of theory–werewolf skin/innards burn the vampire skin? Like, if a wolf lifted a leg on a vampire, wouldn’t that singe their skin–like vervain does in VampDi?

          • http://twitter.com/tracitalynne Traci Olsen

            Oh, I just want to snuggle you and your brain. Say “unnecessary discriminator” again…*swoon*
            Let me snuggle under your tweed for a moment. Here’s some whiskey in cut crystal, let’s share:

            I think a vamp’s human appearance smooths out and becomes “beautiful” inasmuch as it can, but that beauty is reliant on the base material it has to work with. So that, while they are universally attractive to humans, vampires can be more discriminating; perhaps the bar is higher but there are still levels.

            And again, beauty is subjective, always. Circumstance, mood, personal proclivities all play a part. As was mentioned before, people in general become more or less attractive once you know them. Rosalie is described as gaspingly gorgeous, even as a human, and yet Edward was never the slightest bit attracted from the first. It seems he knew her a bit, or at least knew of her, when she was human, so maybe her shallowness colored his view of her, or was it because Edward wasn’t in the headspace for a mate, or was it that he genuinely prefers brunettes?

            To conclude: I don’t think 108 degrees is hot enough to burn a vampire, even considering wolf pee would be slightly hotter due to internal temperature. Also: gross.

          • TeamSeth

            Like my Doctors, I like my whiskey Scottish. Ahem. (Stacey–that was for you!), but seriously speaking, wolf urine=gross indeed.

            So there’s levels… do you remember in middle school when you would define guys in your diary by hotness rank. (just me?) My rank went as such: butt ugly, no thanks, okay, cute, hot, fine, damn. So, I guess if I became a vampire I’d have to add a category before “butt ugly” called “human”? I mean, if I was a Bree I guess. But she may not have had time to develop a hotness ranking system to accommodate that extra color she could see as a vampire before her untimely demise via Volturi wench. Hm. That’s too bad.

            I don’t think that Edward’s distaste in Rose had much to do w/ brunettes. Of course, I’m brunette-ish (auburn-ish… it really depends on the light and the method I dried my hair), so perhaps I should push for that? Nah. I’m not that into Edward, so no biggie.

          • http://twitter.com/tracitalynne Traci Olsen

            Not that into…?? Sometimes I doubt your commitment to SparkleMotion.

            Despite that display of obvious insanity, what was Edward’s distaste for Rose based on, do you think? General bitchiness? Golddigger…iness? Self absorption? Or was E just above it all, until Beller arrived?

          • natteringyeahrobber

            maybe she failed the “claire de lune” compatibility test when he took her to his bedroom. maybe she guessed “nice try, eddy-boy,save the french romantic stuff for humans – wanna go take down a mountain lion cub instead?”

          • TeamSeth

            I’m gonna say Self absorption, lack of concern for others, lack of realization that the whole world was going into extreme poverty, title/money hungriness, vanity, immaturity.

            I don’t think Rosalie was a bitch until she was turned actually. Edward’s insulting words as she was in writhing pain during her transition (couldn’t he talk in ANOTHER room or at least let Carlisle HEAR his thoughts? Talk about insensitive. Kettle/pot both are black situation right there! I suppose “stainless steel” might be the modern day update on that saying…) So, I think that Edward’s insults combined with her general character traits made for a bitchy vamp. PLUS she didn’t even WANT to turn. She wanted to die. Then she was super bitter towards the men who did it to her, sought revenge, had a superiority complex since she’d never drank human blood, and then fell into a long lasting depression until she ran into that bear and her monkey man being mauled. But she’ll always have a sadness because she’ll never get the one thing she wanted right before death–a child. Sure Renameme shows up, but it’s not HER kid.

            I don’t know. Put like that, one almost feels bad for her and empathizes… No, not even then.

          • ChillinWithCullens

            TS, your “ranking system” just made me snort coffee everywhere! Hilarious!!

          • TeamSeth

            What was your ranking system? And coffee so late in the day! I can’t do that, I get too hyper.

          • Anonymous

            ‘….even my taste’ – Yummy! SM’s vamps did seem flammable. I got the impression that vamps aren’t attracted to other vamps in the same way humans are attracted to them. It’s more of an even level, like humans are to other humans. But like you said, there are different shades/degrees.

          • http://twitter.com/tracitalynne Traci Olsen

            Oh, I just want to snuggle you and your brain. Say “unnecessary discriminator” again…*swoon*
            Let me snuggle under your tweed for a moment. Here’s some whiskey in cut crystal, let’s share:

            I think a vamp’s human appearance smooths out and becomes “beautiful” inasmuch as it can, but that beauty is reliant on the base material it has to work with. So that, while they are universally attractive to humans, vampires can be more discriminating; perhaps the bar is higher but there are still levels.

            And again, beauty is subjective, always. Circumstance, mood, personal proclivities all play a part. As was mentioned before, people in general become more or less attractive once you know them. Rosalie is described as gaspingly gorgeous, even as a human, and yet Edward was never the slightest bit attracted from the first. It seems he knew her a bit, or at least knew of her, when she was human, so maybe her shallowness colored his view of her, or was it because Edward wasn’t in the headspace for a mate, or was it that he genuinely prefers brunettes?

            To conclude: I don’t think 108 degrees is hot enough to burn a vampire, even considering wolf pee would be slightly hotter due to internal temperature. Also: gross.

    • Stacey

      “Smell guy” hee hee! Edward and his…umm..sniffing issues…

      What all young girls should look for in a man, a need to constantly inhale his lady. Jessica might of actually lucked out.

    • Stacey

      “Smell guy” hee hee! Edward and his…umm..sniffing issues…

      What all young girls should look for in a man, a need to constantly inhale his lady. Jessica might of actually lucked out.

      • Anonymous

        hahahaha!

        You just brought an image of Edward sticking his nose up between her legs like a dogs do

        “Edward! Bad vampire!” Jessica scolds

        “But you smell so good!” Edward takes a deep breath

        “Um, yeah, you’re kind of creeping me out here. I think I need to start seeing other people… Like Mike. He’s human and likes me for my boobs. That’s less weird.”

        • TeamSeth

          I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.

        • Anonymous

          You nasty TJE. Besides, I think dogs sniff butts more than crotches. I could be wrong though.

          • Anonymous

            Dogs just like to stick their snouts between legs. Crotch, butt, no matter.

            And I thought it was a funny image that came to me when Stacey said, “sniffing issues.” The real Edward wouldn’t do that. (yes, I just said “real”Edward haha) He’d sniff the neck in a way that made your knees buckle and you lose all control of rational thinking. :)

          • Anonymous

            ‘He’d sniff the neck in a way that made your knees buckle and you lose all
            control of rational thinking. :)’ – Yep!

          • TeamSeth

            I think for me it’s really just the image of Edward having a long wet, snout and getting all up in there. I mean… isn’t that Jacob’s job? (oh burn!)

  • natteringyeahrobber

    If I had to write a fan-fic, I’d write one where Jessica and Charlie hook up. Screw Harvard or Brown or Brigham Young wherever she’s going (I cannot remember if her college choice was covered in the books). She should go to Forks Community College just to stay close to Charlie. She’s nearly legal & he’s very available (at least in my head he is).

    I can see her putting on her lowest-cut J. Crew sweater and tightest (yet still flattering and somewhat modest) boot cut jeans and trying to strut it in front of Charlie. I mean, Bella probably takes forever to get ready right? She’s the type of friend who is never ready when you get there, so you have to hang out in the living room with her Dad while she does God knows what (shirt dilemmas – purple plaid or hipster bowling shirts….decisions). So Jessica could be down there “So, ahem, Mr. Swan, you look nice today, new haircut? And I have to say I’d be interested in seeing your gun collection some time…” Charlie has needs too, right? Just a matter of time before he’d give into them. She should stick around for that, because when that dam bursts, it will be quite the hot spectacle.

    • Anonymous

      What do you mean, “if”?

      That sounds hilariously awesome. You should write it. I’d read that. Besides, writing fanfic is really fun!! :)

      • Anonymous

        I have another scene in my head. Bella to Charlie – “Dad, there’s something I need to tell you” and Charlie responding “Well, Bells, something i need to tell you too.”

        “How do you feel about Jessica being your new mom?”

        • MariaCecilia

          That actually kind of happened to one of my friends. Her – divorced – father remarried her best friend from high school, when she was 21. Her father, needless to say, was about 25 years older. The friendship never survived this, especially since her father insisted that she show her ex-best friend “the same respect as her mother”…Way to go, Charlie?

          • Anonymous

            Yikes…dare I ask if the friend’s Dad & her BF are still together?

            Somehow I think it might work with Jessica and Charlie. They are just enough opposite for it to make sense. Imagine Jessica as an undercover federal officer in an X-files type program based in Forks. Her boss tells her to seduce Charlie and use him to get more information on Bella & Cullen clan. Only she actually falls in love with Charlie and develops a massive conflict of interest.

            OK, OK, maybe this should be a fan-fic. Will get right on that.

      • http://twitter.com/tracitalynne Traci Olsen

        Yeah, if you write that, let me know. Haha! Charlie needs some hot teenage lovin’, too.

        Jessica is often a MegaBitch in fanfic, I have noticed. Way worse than the book. I think some fic writers take out some suppressed teen angst on that girl. Dayum. I was firmly in the un-cool kids table in high school, but, IDK, those people can suck it. My black eyeliner and army jacket and big black stompy boots were way more awesome than their Benetton. Sort of.

        Maybe the overwhelming adorableness of Anna Kendrick has softened the Jessica character in my mind. And anyway, Bella didn’t seem overly concerned, so, SHRUG.

        • Anonymous

          Anna Kendrick did make Jessica way more likeable, at least to me. I wished that there had been a Jessica when I was the new kid at school (and I was the new kid at school a lot). Without Jessica, Bella would probably be sitting alone in the corner of the cafeteria, writing sad letters to old friends and hoping that weird hyper Eric wouldn’t pester her. Instead, within days of admission, she’s sitting at the cool kid’s table, laughing it up. She has Jessica to thank for that. Every school needs an Anna Kendrick Jessica as a new person ambassador/instant friend.

          • TeamSeth

            hehehe truth! I love that Eric is described as greasy in the books lol I just imagine him as this nice, oily guy who won’t get laid until college. Awww Eric!

    • TeamSeth

      “Quite the gusher” Oh my. Though, I can’t say that this doesn’t make me extremely disgusted and upset. Charlie is not up for grabs by a boobilicious barely legal, thank you so much! I’d rather him prey on the recently-widowed Sue! Much more effective. Plus, he needs someone to take care of him, leave cold cuts in the fridge when she has to head out for the day. You saw how his spaghetti efforts went! Jessica is NOT that person. Plus I feel like she’d just be sleeping with him to “get back” at Newton. Like he’ll even notice or care. Sigh. Poor Jessica.

      But I just can’t deal with her and Charlie. (There is that level of “Don’t you dare touch my charlie, skank ho!” in there too, j/s)

      • Anonymous

        Are you saying Jessica is just a pile of boobs who cannot take care of Charlie? I respectfully disagree. She’s smart. Let her go to FBI academy, have her come back to Forks and pretend to be taking care of her Grandma. I’m sure the FBI will train her on how to make the best fish fry, ever. Then she can go over to the Swan house and commence seduction plan. “Oh wait, Bella no longer lives here? I was hoping to cook her some dinner and get caught up on old times. Damn it, whatever will I do with all this fresh fish, panko, peanut oil and ice cold beer?”

        Enter sexy cooking scene – hot oil, hot fish, hot Charlie.

        • Anonymous

          *giggle snort*

        • TeamSeth

          And a flat screen…

        • TeamSeth

          JEssica is not going to go to FBI academy! Remember, she was embarrassed and horrified by the fact that she might end up in some FBI room like some lame TV show!!! (um, there’s a good way to set off the action of your FF! Bella disappears on motorcycle w/ random One Eyed Pete guy. Jessica ends up in FBI room and hits it off with Kyle, the hot FBI agent. They grab coffee afterward and he asks her what her plans after senior year are then suggests she join the academy….)

          • natteringyeahrobber

            No one wants to be on the wrong end of the table during a X-files FBI interview. That’s why Jessica needs to go federal, so she can assure a place on the right side of the table. Besides, she’d be so good at interrogation, I just know it. Plus she’s got a dossier on the Cullen clan already (refer to cafeteria scene where she gives the goods to Bella). I can see Agent Kyle taking her out for cherry pie and giving her an offer she cannot refuse: either they bust Edward now for killing protected wildlife in Olympic National Park or she go the academy and come back to find something more substantial for them (that would buy Bella and Edward time & allow a honeymoon).

          • Anonymous

            Sorry, cherry COBBLER, not pie. They don’t do pie in Forks, I keep forgetting.

          • TeamSeth

            Edward certainly doesn’t do pie in Forks…

  • natteringyeahrobber

    If I had to write a fan-fic, I’d write one where Jessica and Charlie hook up. Screw Harvard or Brown or Brigham Young wherever she’s going (I cannot remember if her college choice was covered in the books). She should go to Forks Community College just to stay close to Charlie. She’s nearly legal & he’s very available (at least in my head he is).

    I can see her putting on her lowest-cut J. Crew sweater and tightest (yet still flattering and somewhat modest) boot cut jeans and trying to strut it in front of Charlie. I mean, Bella probably takes forever to get ready right? She’s the type of friend who is never ready when you get there, so you have to hang out in the living room with her Dad while she does God knows what (shirt dilemmas – purple plaid or hipster bowling shirts….decisions). So Jessica could be down there “So, ahem, Mr. Swan, you look nice today, new haircut? And I have to say I’d be interested in seeing your gun collection some time…” Charlie has needs too, right? Just a matter of time before he’d give into them. She should stick around for that, because when that dam bursts, it will be quite the hot spectacle.

  • natteringyeahrobber

    If I had to write a fan-fic, I’d write one where Jessica and Charlie hook up. Screw Harvard or Brown or Brigham Young wherever she’s going (I cannot remember if her college choice was covered in the books). She should go to Forks Community College just to stay close to Charlie. She’s nearly legal & he’s very available (at least in my head he is).

    I can see her putting on her lowest-cut J. Crew sweater and tightest (yet still flattering and somewhat modest) boot cut jeans and trying to strut it in front of Charlie. I mean, Bella probably takes forever to get ready right? She’s the type of friend who is never ready when you get there, so you have to hang out in the living room with her Dad while she does God knows what (shirt dilemmas – purple plaid or hipster bowling shirts….decisions). So Jessica could be down there “So, ahem, Mr. Swan, you look nice today, new haircut? And I have to say I’d be interested in seeing your gun collection some time…” Charlie has needs too, right? Just a matter of time before he’d give into them. She should stick around for that, because when that dam bursts, it will be quite the hot spectacle.

  • Anonymous

    Oooh, good letter Plane Friend. I can’t say I ever really hated Jessica. Sure, according to Edward, she was kind of mean and bitchy, and I hate the “innerly mean and bitchy type” in real life. But a true high school story would not be complete without one of those. Plus, I almost felt a bit sorry for her, because as you said, she was suddenly overshadowed by the plain and unfriendly (sorry, but true) Bella after carefully cultivating her popular status throughout high school. You have to admit, really not fair. And on top of it the plain unfriendly new girl snagged the boy she’d spent a few years admiring. Definitely not fair.

    I do however agree that she should move on and get the heck outta Forks. I think she could do something 1/2 way decent with her life. She might get over her high school pettiness eventually (after a few college-years mistakes) and snag a guy that was decent looking, fairly wealthy, and more interesting than Mike… though for her sake hopefully not as interesting as Freaky Fred.

  • Anonymous

    Oooh, good letter Plane Friend. I can’t say I ever really hated Jessica. Sure, according to Edward, she was kind of mean and bitchy, and I hate the “innerly mean and bitchy type” in real life. But a true high school story would not be complete without one of those. Plus, I almost felt a bit sorry for her, because as you said, she was suddenly overshadowed by the plain and unfriendly (sorry, but true) Bella after carefully cultivating her popular status throughout high school. You have to admit, really not fair. And on top of it the plain unfriendly new girl snagged the boy she’d spent a few years admiring. Definitely not fair.

    I do however agree that she should move on and get the heck outta Forks. I think she could do something 1/2 way decent with her life. She might get over her high school pettiness eventually (after a few college-years mistakes) and snag a guy that was decent looking, fairly wealthy, and more interesting than Mike… though for her sake hopefully not as interesting as Freaky Fred.

    • TeamSeth

      She could really do with a Riley…

      • Stacey

        Movie Riley…oh movie Riley…time to drag out the Eclipse DVD to only watch that first scene.

        • TeamSeth

          I’m personally most *into* the scene where he delivers the “just clean up once your done” line. Mmm

          • Anonymous

            Sorry, but I’m not feeling the Riley. His ears are stuck to the side of his head. Cute maybe, but not hot. Even though I am team E, Jacob’s warm strong body would have been very tempting when Edwards dispappeared.

          • TeamSeth

            You just wait. He’s going to do some sexy photoshoot after landing a really big role or winning some award and everyone’s going to go ga-ga over him. “Xavier Exceeds Expectations: a revealing interview with the hot new Kiwi” It’s coming. Just you wait… (now I have My Fair Lady in my head. grrr “Just you wait Henry Higgins, just you wait! You’ll be sorry, but it’ll be too late!”)

          • Anonymous

            And now that song is stuck in MY head!! And the entire musical, thanks TS ;)

  • Anonymous

    Oooh, good letter Plane Friend. I can’t say I ever really hated Jessica. Sure, according to Edward, she was kind of mean and bitchy, and I hate the “innerly mean and bitchy type” in real life. But a true high school story would not be complete without one of those. Plus, I almost felt a bit sorry for her, because as you said, she was suddenly overshadowed by the plain and unfriendly (sorry, but true) Bella after carefully cultivating her popular status throughout high school. You have to admit, really not fair. And on top of it the plain unfriendly new girl snagged the boy she’d spent a few years admiring. Definitely not fair.

    I do however agree that she should move on and get the heck outta Forks. I think she could do something 1/2 way decent with her life. She might get over her high school pettiness eventually (after a few college-years mistakes) and snag a guy that was decent looking, fairly wealthy, and more interesting than Mike… though for her sake hopefully not as interesting as Freaky Fred.

  • cosi bella

    Yes this always seemed implausible to me. How many guys found Bella completely irresistable:
    Mike, Tyler, Eric, Edward, Jacob, Quil…..WTH?

    But then I justified it to myself that it was because she had this special ‘something’ about her. A kindness, a niceness an ability to “know” someone and accept them. A guy would have an opportunity to have their “authentic selves” be loved by Bella (A rare thing). Something that Jessica didn’t have to offer.

    • http://twitter.com/tracitalynne Traci Olsen

      I do think Bella, for the most part, was just a New Shiny Object to most of them. I think E over reacted to the attention she got because he was all newly caveman and hyperfocused on her.

      I read somewhere that, basically, every straight male you know has likely fantasized about you at least once. So… boys are gross. When I was 19 I worked in a sales office and all the (way older) men were fairly smitten- I got 10 bouquets on Secretaries Day- and I don’t smell like strawberries At All, and often showed up really hungover with no makeup on. I was just a New Shiny Object.

      Also, yeah, Bella is sweet and unbitchy, a rare quality in high school girls.

      • TeamSeth

        TEN bouquets? What do you even DO with that many flowers?! And how did you diffuse that?! Oh my gosh. “Thanks for the bouquet, put it next to all the others from men I have no interest in and who are married.” “Yes, thanks, I’m a great secretary. That’s nice of you! Put it next to the 8 others…” “Oh, how nice, another bouquet. My boyfriend and I will be able to enjoy flowers in every room!” I would NOT be able to handle that. I hope you were more graceful than I would’ve been…

        • http://twitter.com/tracitalynne Traci Olsen

          Oh god it was awful. I just sat there while the 2 older ladies laughed at me- the only other women there were in their 50s and so over all the pervy salesmen. They were all over my desk. Oh. And a stuffed bunny. Jebus the stuffed bunny. It was horrifying.

          Thankfully I work from home now and can hide my un-freesia’d self away from prying eyes…noses…whatever.

          • Anonymous

            LOL. “She’s sent constant clear messages that she’s not interested in me, but maybe this stuffed bunny will change her mind.”

            Has a stuffed bunny ever changed a woman’s mind? Has it ever been a successful game-changing courtship device? That would be another good scientific study. Off hand, my estimate is that it works with .2% of women over age 18.

          • TeamSeth

            Yeah, I’m gonna say that’s a REALLY high estimate. That must be taking into account the Monty Python bunny and the Donnie Darko bunny (along with girls who find scary bunnies a real turn on)

          • TeamSeth

            un-freesia’d hehehehe <3 Sorry you had to go through that… and a bunny. A-w-k-w-a-r-d

          • http://twitter.com/tracitalynne Traci Olsen

            Yeah the bunny almost swayed my 19 year old self towards the 45 year old accountant with weird facial hair who smelled like old coffee. So.close. Really, The Bunny Incident was just one in a long line of horribly awkward things that seem to happen to me. At least it wasn’t one of the awkward things that happen when I say things out loud and the whole room stops talking. Those are much worse. And much more common.

          • TeamSeth

            I’m suspecting that you are super hot all the time (even when hungover w/out makeup).

          • http://twitter.com/tracitalynne Traci Olsen

            I *did* get a fancy new haircut and color last week. So at least my hair is pretty. :) But thanks!

          • Anonymous

            Is that thing you say out loud “I want to be a louse in Robert Pattinson’s hair, just so I can hungrily penetrate the warm flesh over his brain and die surrounded by his glorious follicles.” Because that would not give me any pause, I’d just go right on talking if you said that to me.

          • Anonymous

            Is that thing you say out loud “I want to be a louse in Robert Pattinson’s hair, just so I can hungrily penetrate the warm flesh over his brain and die surrounded by his glorious follicles.” Because that would not give me any pause, I’d just go right on talking if you said that to me.

          • http://twitter.com/tracitalynne Traci Olsen

            yes, but I would say “nit” to be all pretentiously British about it so that Rob would know how close we were to absolute soulmates. Me and my parasite self. Yes.

          • TeamSeth

            Parasite? No. Symbiotic relationship. Sounds so much sexier…

          • http://twitter.com/tracitalynne Traci Olsen

            “I want to suck on your brain juice in a symbiotic relationship of love, Robert Pattinson!” is sure to get me noticed at the Water for Elephants premiere. Maybe I will make it into a sign, too. *gets out the poster paints*

          • Anonymous

            Are you going to the WFE premiere? Sweet! And I approve of the sign. I mean, someone has to represent the normal Robert Pattinson fans here at LTT/LTR.

          • http://twitter.com/tracitalynne Traci Olsen

            when I heard it would be in NYC, I was all, “Ooh, so close!” And then I was all, “Psht. Why would I go to a premiere, it’s not like I was invited and it’s not like I will just be at a coffee shop or a bar and RP will be in the next booth, and will overhear me say something charming and witty and instantly want to be my Best Friend with Benefits because there will be some mysterious connection that neither of us can describe but neither of us can deny.”

            And then I was all, “maybe I can get AllHopedUp to come with me.”

          • Anonymous

            Hmm..what other WFE premiere signs might represent our normal side?

            -Good Riddance to Crotch Sniffing Vampires
            -Out with the Crotch Sniffing, in with the Christoph Waltz tiffing (bad, I know, but nothing good rhymes with sniff)
            -Tai me Up, Tai me Down Rob!

            God Lord, I’ll stop now. Someone else take the wheel, please.

          • TeamSeth

            “stiff” rhymes with “sniff” ;)

          • Anonymous

            Ooh, that would be good for the BD premiere – “out with vampire crotch sniff, in with vampire crotch stiff”hmmmm – what rhymes with marble nuts?

          • TeamSeth

            garble sluts?

          • http://twitter.com/tracitalynne Traci Olsen

            PATTINSON! I am a slut for your marble nuts!!!

          • http://twitter.com/tracitalynne Traci Olsen

            PATTINSON! I am a slut for your marble nuts!!!

          • natteringyeahrobber

            And so the hot British host organism fell in love with the pretentious Pediculus Humanus. Another fan-fic opportunity to explore.

          • ladyofthemeadow

            I’m thumbs upping you as a gesture of sympathy for having to deal with such creepy male co workers!

      • Anonymous

        “every straight male you know has likely fantasized about you at least once” – OMG, can you imagine being the surveyer in that study?

        Instructions to surveyer: Go up to guy. Ask if he’s straight. If so, tell him you are conducting important scientific poll. Then ask “Have you thought about having sex with every woman you’ve ever known, yes or no?” Throw any no responses out – they are LYING, LYING LYING!!! Follow up YES responses with “How many times have you fantasized about all these women you know – once, or more than once?” Then, end interview with “In the time I’ve been asking you these questions, have you pictured me in bed with you?” (if guy is smart, witty, available and hot, then flirt back, if not, shout out “EWHHHHH!!”)

        But seriously, I love scientific research like this.

        • http://twitter.com/tracitalynne Traci Olsen

          Right, I wonder if they had to have only male surveyors so they wouldn’t skew the results trying to get laid.

          My informal survey: Hubs says yes. He has had some kind of sexual thought about 95% of women he knows. Exact quote: “I mean, even if it’s just ‘Hey she has great tits.’ ” That’s my boy. :)

          • TeamSeth

            Even the ugly ones?

          • http://twitter.com/tracitalynne Traci Olsen

            I guess so. He clarified that these are women within the realm of “possibility”, meaning not babies (*ahem*Jacob*ahem*) and not old ladies. So, to expound on the Tweedy conversation, it seems only 5-10% of women are so physically repulsive that they don’t at least get a Sexy Head Space Mention.

          • TeamSeth

            Wow. Hardcore. yeah, I’m not going to ask Mr. Seth. lol To be fair, I do have ‘sexy thoughts’ about a lot of dudes. (which mr. seth knows) But there’s always that awkward feeling involved… like “I know you” Ew. But, hm… 95%? No, I’m more selective than that. This reminds me of that Sex and the City where Charlotte and Carrie are at brunch and out of the 100 men that walk by they count how many they’d sleep with hypothetically.

          • http://twitter.com/tracitalynne Traci Olsen

            Right? Sexy thoughts about someone you know is…uncomfortable. But boys are all about spreading their seed around. Or maybe my man is just slutty, I don’t know. :)

            I feel like there aren’t as many men that I find overwhelmingly hot enough to actually fantasize about. It’s true that most people walking around aren’t OhDearGodNo! but they are also not, you know, HaleYes. Men seem to operate much more in the middle ground, I guess. Or, again, my man is a manslut. Also possible.

  • TwilightCat

    You all HAVE TO watch this YouTube video of Anna Kendrick at about age 12 singing “Life Upon the Wicked Stage” on Broadway.

    She is adorable, hilarious, and seriously talented! Not only can she act, she can sing and dance, too!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCezynFj_gQ

  • ladyofthemeadow

    Kudos to Anna Kendrick. She totally made the Jessica character work and stole the scene every time she was in it. She was high school popular without being nasty about it. And Movie Jessica deserves better than what Forks can offer her.

    I didn’t have the same reaction to Book Jessica. She was just nasty and one dimensional.

  • MariaCecilia

    Let’s face it: the only reason we don’t like Jessica is because Edward read her mind, and so we KNOW what a small-minded person she is! Very unfair. Part of the high school experience is finding out about these things on your own, the hard way. Shoo, Edward!

    I guess one of the key elements of the story is that neither Edward nor Bella have a clear image of themselves. He thinks he’s a disgusting monster (and in a way, he is right, of course..) and she thinks she is completely uninteresting (which may or may not be true, depending on whether you ask Jessica or Mike.) This is all typical high school behaviour, feelings of self-doubt and self-disgust, and then – the thunderbolt of unexpected, redeeming love to make you believe the hardest lesson of all: that you may be worth loving and somehow completely Normal, after all.

    Only, most of us never had to mix it up with vampires to get there..

    • Anonymous

      You just told Edward to shoo. I’m not sure I could ever do that. Even on his most annoying day.

      • http://twitter.com/tracitalynne Traci Olsen

        ha. I thought the same thing. I am not sure those words even make sense together.

      • TeamSeth

        Oh I could. One can only take Mr. Broody-face for so long. Sometimes you just need a girls night…

        • Anonymous

          Yes, but the kung fu is strong in you. ;)

        • Anonymous

          “Get over yourself” yes, “Shoo” I think probably not. Maybe if it was really cold and I was already shivering…

  • http://twitter.com/tracitalynne Traci Olsen

    Can we get some fan manips out there of Jessica Stanley doing a keg stand at a frat party? It’s on DeviantArt somewhere, I just know it.

  • http://twitter.com/tracitalynne Traci Olsen

    Oh I forgot to mention that if Midnight Sun does ever get published I would buy three copies and then just burn them to cinders without reading them. I don’t want to see it no not ever. Nope.

    • TeamSeth

      It’s not even a matter of that, it’s a matter of the fact that Stephenie just will never be able to finish it. She’ll feel all that pressure to write the whole saga from E’s POV and just get too overwhelmed and give up before she begins. Besides, she just doesn’t have the will. She’s sittin’ pretty already, why even bother? She can’t do it. How lazy. Ahem.

      • Anonymous

        Couldn’t have said it better myself.

  • Anonymous

    Definately a big difference in the movie Jessica vs. book Jessica. Book version – she and Bella really never were true friends, more like acquaintances. I don’t think she really cared about Bella and probably only agreed to see a movie with Bella after months of silence just for an excuse to get the Hale out of Forks. She definately needed more options in guys. I probably would have been crabby if I were in her shoes.

  • TeamSeth

    I think Jess was a great example of an insecure high schooler. And I think that Bella immediately recognizes that. (Which could set me off on the topic of is Bella supposed to be secure and mature or not? Pick one, SM!) We get the sense that Bells didn’t have a ton of friends in the ole AZ, and just sort of went along, but surely she knew people because she kind of references back to things, and it feels like she at least had a female support team, albeit no one as great as Angela.

    Anyway, back to Stanley… I think she didn’t have any true loyalties except to herself. She was happy to sway the way of super duper popular beller, but then when bella quit talking to humans and lost all protein, she just floated away back to her pre-bella life…back to Lauren. And we all know Lauren is just a straight up biotch. I always saw lauren as the Regina and Jessica as the Gretchen of the crew. Jessica had soem niceness to her, but she just wanted to be popular, so she’d go along with whoever and whatever was popular.

    That said, I like Jess better with curly hair in the books. I don’t know, I love Anna Kendrick and she does a super duper awesome job, and she carries both the Lauren and Jessica aspects as she needs to do given the lack of Lauren, but I just always imagined her with this curly hair and she did the gel scrunch look for a time, but then stopped doing it senior year in lieu of a more polished shine look. Because I do think about these things ;)

    Okay, I should go do work instead of scrutinizing a fictional stereotype character. Au revior!

  • Stacey

    Love the letter!

    Jessica was better than Lauren. Lauren could have been like the ultimate bad girl of Twilight (movie edition). A bitchy teen girl is the worst. James and Victoria can, you know, eat Bella. Yet…being harassed by your archenemy is much worse. They completely wasted an excellent opportunity!

    Talking about a wasted opportunity…Ben. Poor Angela. She goes out with Eric instead, then he ‘finds’ himself in college and comes out of the closet. All the while, poor Angela has to deal with her ‘friend’ Bella who ignored her throughout high school to hang out with her creepy ice cold boyfriend and then disappears (Vamps out). We need a letter about poor Angie. She needed her Ben. I might have to write one….

    • TeamSeth

      I hope SM writes a novella about her. “How Angela Became More Badass Than Everyone and Scored an Extremely Hot Diligent Man”

      • Anonymous

        And that would give me hope. :) I always liked Angela.

  • Anonymous

    accidental post

  • Anonymous

    I love how tweed serious everyone got about this letter- especially Team Seth and TeamJacobEdward about how possibly vampires are more interested in what’s on the inside because all of them have physical beauty. Like others, I think that I like Anna Kendrick more than Jessica Stanley. Poor book Jessica was just there to be laughed at as an empty-headed high school stereotype. Movie Jessica is hilarious!

    • TeamSeth

      blushes. I got hardcore. This morning I came up with a great letter idea. Am going to write it out and submit it soon (if it still turns out to be great later in the day when I’m actually awake)

      I will say I did love the scene where Bella uses Jessica to shield her opinion on the date so that Edward can’t hear it via thoughts or words. Such a clever girl!

  • purplescool

    While I don’t particularly care for Jessica in the books (she seems so mean), I think Anna Kendrick does an awesome job with the character in the movies. She really gives truth to the saying “there are no small parts, just small actors”, because though her part is small, she rocks it when she’s in a scene.

    • TeamSeth

      TRUTH! “Some girls like to take small roles. Not all girls apparently, though I’m surprised you took the role at all. I mean, you’re secret relationship with Rob thing–I get it. I’m totally not talking about it to anyone, but after awhile you’re still hiding it, and I’m going through stuff too. Like I almost won an Oscar, but didn’t. It was hard, you know?”

    • TeamSeth

      TRUTH! “Some girls like to take small roles. Not all girls apparently, though I’m surprised you took the role at all. I mean, you’re secret relationship with Rob thing–I get it. I’m totally not talking about it to anyone, but after awhile you’re still hiding it, and I’m going through stuff too. Like I almost won an Oscar, but didn’t. It was hard, you know?”

      • http://twitter.com/tracitalynne Traci Olsen

        is it normal that I was really impressed by that? because I was.

        • TeamSeth

          Not normal! I had grammatical errors and the rhythm was not exact. (and it tends to be my favorite quote to rework to suit the comment I’m responding to…so, maybe it’s trite now. I’m trite. Sigh. Okay, self-esteem, come back. Don’t do that. I’m not mad at you! Come back!!! There we go. Yay!)

          • MarbleNutSlut

            No way, TS. You are the wind beneath my wings. Wait, no, THAT’S trite. Fuck.

      • purplescool

        Bravo! Very impressive, indeed!

  • http://twitter.com/tracitalynne Traci Olsen

    Oh damn, Chris Weitz! I have asked you two good, insightful, polite questions on twitter and you instead answer questions about Kurosawa and Big Macs. It.Is.On. I wasn’t going to mention the pain, the eye-piercing fuckery of SLOW MOTION VAMPIRES but you have forced my hand!!!

    • Anonymous

      I have to admit that I’m loving Chris Weitz on twitter, almost enough to finally sign up for an account…just to pester him with questions. Someone asked him to tell a joke, and he responded “i am a 41 year old man sitting in a dark bedroom in the middle of the night responding to tweets” (or something like that)

      • Anonymous

        p.s. He seems to respond if your question ends with “PLEASE ANSWER THIS” – I guess you need to appear more desperate for him to respond? Or maybe end your question with “PLEASE ANSWER THIS I AM A SLUT FOR RPATTZ’s MARBLE NUTS” – that should do it.

        • http://twitter.com/tracitalynne Traci Olsen

          I think I will change my twitter name to RPATTZmarblenutslut. I think he would answer to that. Also, yes. All caps, always a winner. Also considering a permanent name change to Rpattzmarblenutslut Mcdragontongue.

          • TeamSeth

            McDragonTongue OMG! WIN WIN WIN. Normal that I’m impressed by this! ;) It’s on like donkey kong! Get it girl! Show that 41 y/o male sitting alone in the dark replying to tweets that it’s NOT funny. You tell him! Tell him! Give it to him, hard. Wait, er, whoops…

            Yeah, I want to tweet him, “Hey douchebag, answer MarbleNutSlut’s questions or else I’ll sick the Twi-fandom on you for taking away Edward’s tight tshirt wardrobe. You won’t recover. And screw you for thinking you’re lame for replying to tweets in the dark! You’re a millionaire or at least several hundred thousandaire. Some of us are unemployed… suck it up, big boy. Put on your mustard pants and take it. Hard. In the, uh, er, nevermind.”

          • TeamSeth

            (note I am not unemployed–at least not until they find this blog and how much time I spend on it–but Mr. Seth is.)

          • Anonymous

            Go get him, TS! MarbleNutSlut shall not be ignored. Not responding to her is like not responding to everyone at LTT/LTR.

            (btw, i loved his joke, especially because at the time i read it, i was a 39 year old woman sitting in my dark bedroom in middle of the night reading CW’s twitter feed).

          • TeamSeth

            Okay, I just typed a long rant about C-Dubs. But then I realized I need to stop PMSing and go do work. So, I’m signing out for a bit. :)

  • http://twitter.com/tracitalynne Traci Olsen

    Oh damn, Chris Weitz! I have asked you two good, insightful, polite questions on twitter and you instead answer questions about Kurosawa and Big Macs. It.Is.On. I wasn’t going to mention the pain, the eye-piercing fuckery of SLOW MOTION VAMPIRES but you have forced my hand!!!

  • Anonymous

    I lit’rally LOLed that you changed your name to that!! Perfect!!

    And TS, I don’t care how many times you do it, it’s always awesome!! So you can blather to someone else about all of your gramatical errors and nonsense!

    • Anonymous

      Oops! This was for MarbleNutSlut and TS!

    • MarbleNutSlut

      thanks! I might keep it. I also just retweeted my question to CW. If that bitch doesn’t answer my question…well, I will probably just get on with my life but OOOH I will be pissed for a bit I tell you what.

      • MarbleNutSlut

        yeah that bitch has answered like 10 questions after mine. Did I say SLO MO VAMPIRES on twitter? YES I DID. It is broughten.

      • Anonymous

        Your new name would be an epic tattoo – like a really great tramp stamp in fancy writing. I think I would Brendan Frazier clap anyone who had that.

        • Anonymous

          Tattoo…LOL…remind me to never go heavy drinking with any of you near a tatt parlor. :)

          Or it would also be a good thing to have on a bowling league shirt (like Bella’s bowling shirt, only it would say “MarbleNutSluts” on the back and have an image of that dragon kissing Rob/Edward).

          • http://www.tracitalynne.com Tracitalynne

            I want that bowling shirt SO MUCH. I wish we all lived near each other, I would learn to bowl or play pool or whatever sort of fuckery I had to do to get a shirt like that.

          • TeamSeth

            You can just like… iron it on? Right?

    • TeamSeth

      super heart for the “blather” rosalie moment there ;) (I was being all moody yesterday… today I’m much more chipper! These mood swings are really starting to give me whiplash though…)

Creative Commons License


This work is licensed under a Creative Commons
Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0
United States License
.

LTT Privacy Policy



Sponsored by