Oh Big Daddy Lautner… what have you DONE?

Dear Big Daddy,

When I saw the headline:

“Taylor Lautner Dropped by Publicist Due to Demanding Dad” source

Don't look at me like that. What? WHAT?

I laughed. I cried with delight. I moaned “MOON WHY ARE YOU IN EUROPE” before e-mailing it to her knowing that I’d only be depressed after reading her auto-response again reminding me she’s out of the country.

WHY DOES STUFF LIKE THIS HAPPEN WHEN MY BLOGGING BFF IS OUT OF THE COUNTRY & UNABLE TO DISCUSS IT WITH ME?

That’s almost as bad as if Rob were to mention he read LTT “for laughs” along with Stephenie Meyer every morning on set & Moon wasn’t around to tell. ALMOST. (Moon did respond shortly after I emailed saying, “Big daddy’s a diva????!!!! I’m even more in love.”

But turns out I don’t have to say anything, because Michael K from Dlisted, once again, said it all: (make sure you read his entire post because this is just a sampling of the brilliance)

Taylor Lautner’s publicist is f*cking done with him professionally and it isn’t because of a gay scandal or anything like that. It’s because Taylor’s father is the second coming of Kit Culkin wrapped in White Oprah and incubated inside of an episode of Toddlers & Tiaras. Basically, Taylor’s father is the stage dad from the ninth circle of Hell and his (ex)publicist isn’t about to go to jail for double slapping a grown man’s basement chin.

Judging by that picture, Daddy Lautner looks like a for real twat wart who will huff at you when you take too long at the sundae bar at Sizzler. But he should still learn from the Kit Culkins and Jaid Barrymores before him…. Seriously. But Taylor’s publicist really should’ve seen this coming. Never trust a stage dad who looks like the pile of Chet from Weird Science.

(Click that last link & Die)

I’m sure Moon & I will have more to say, but for now I’ll say this: Big Daddy you were OURS. You were OUR bundle of laughs. You were ours ALONE to love. And now you’ve gone & done something to get you in the rest of the public eye!? How could you DO that to us!?

(oh & also how could you do that to your son!)

Always yours,
UnintendedChoice

Do you believe the rumor? Did you see this one coming? Next trip to the Olive Garden is gonna be A-W-K-W-A-R-D for the family! The kitchen better start preparing now- they’re gonna run out of breadsticks! I bet the Lautner boys will start to throw them at each other!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store
  • purplescool

    Aw, I feel bad for Taylor…he’s so young and to live his life with not only everyone watching, but also with a domineering, demanding parent must be difficult to say the least.  I just hope he doesn’t end up having a delayed adolescent rebellion and wind up in rehab.

  • Anonymous

    Ha! When I clicked on the link to look at the entire post on dlisted, I laughed because I found a comment with a link to LTT. The link is to the pic you posted a couple years ago of Taylor’s hind end, bent over. I guess it always all comes back to LTT… ;) here is the post with the Tailor pic they’d linked to.

    http://letterstotwilight.wordpress.com/2009/03/11/buttcrack-werewolf-4-letters-in-1/

    Also it’s hard to come to terms with Big Daddy should be more appropriately named Big A$$hole. But if it was reported online it is absolutely true. What’s that you say? There are things online that have not even the slightest sliver of truth? Really? You’re kidding! So you’re saying that I’ve been spending copious amounts of time hanging out at Olive Gardens and TGI Friday’s for nothing? Next thing you’ll tell me is Buttcrack Santa isn’t real, Isle Esme is fictitious or that Cathy Hardi doesn’t actually have a well worn-out recording of the very first snip of bedroom magic between Robsten. You say that last one is actually true? Whew! Okay, I feel better.

  • Anonymous

    I am still traumatized by the possibility that Big Daddy is a diva. Two theories:
    1 publicist made ‘lil Taylor say he was considering moving out of home on Jimmy Fallon and BD spat it.
    2 publicist failed at getting Brad Pitt or whoever to sign petition against in-and-out burgers.

    Either way it’s clear we need to hunt out MrsBigDaddy to join us in an LTT intervention group hug.

  • superhumanmoron

    How did I never notice the Chet/Big Daddy resemblance??  That there is brilliant.

  • Anonymous

    Chet from Weird Science. Aww, that’s accurate but unkind.

    My favorite comment is “Man ugly people can have pretty kids” Ha ha! TayLau is looking especially hot in that picture…or am I ovulating? Or is it because he’s being…::restrained:: *growl*

    Yep. Hormones. Damn you, girl bits!

    • Anonymous

      Those were my exact thoughts when I saw that picture. And I am pretty sure I am ovulating right now. Apart from physical signs, I always know when I look at my two kids, who are driving me batty as is, and think let’s have a third.

    • Anonymous

      Those were my exact thoughts when I saw that picture. And I am pretty sure I am ovulating right now. Apart from physical signs, I always know when I look at my two kids, who are driving me batty as is, and think let’s have a third.

      • natteringyeahrobber

        I don’t want to have another baby. However, I’m open to adopting Taylor. He will need to share the room with my 2 other kids though, since it is only a 2 bedroom house (DH probably won’t go for doing the whole family bed/co-sleeping thing with Taylor). But I’ll let Taylor hire good publicists and I won’t impose a curfew when he wants to stay out with Lily (or whomever, really Taylor, it’s all about love).

        But Taylor, I will expect you to do some chores around the house, since  you are clearly able bodied. If  you chose to do said chores without a shirt on, that’s OK too.

        • ladyofthemeadow

          Ooooh NYR you’re such a Mrs. Robinson.

           

          Talor would make a great pool boy to your Mrs. Robinson.

          • Anonymous

            I was totally thinking pool boy, but couldn’t find the right word for it.  House boy?

          • natteringyeahrobber

            Well, I don’t have a pool. A few lingering puddles since we’ve had a lot of rain, but Puddle Boy doesn’t quite have the same ring to it.

            House Boy…not quite. House Man-Boy? House Pet Celebrity? House Ripped Swifferer? House HeIsLegalandYouAreJealousBoy?

          • Anonymous

            House Ripped Swifferer!!! Do you know how much restrain it takes not to
            laugh out loud after reading this? If I did, then I would have to explain
            to Mr. E about our discussion.

            I dunno. I still like House Boy. Or maybe He-maid.

          • Anonymous

            He-maid. I feel like a he-maid would have a very interesting outfit to wear.

          • ladyofthemeadow

            We could all sit around, wearing bikinis, drinking margaritas by the puddle, and gawping the he-maid.

            My kind of day.

          • Anonymous

            yes please.

          • Bubs

            Can I migrate to the US and join you ? I’ll bring my pool [all the way from Australia] if it’ll help to stretch the time we can all have “gawping the he-maid”.

          • Anonymous

            I was totally thinking pool boy, but couldn’t find the right word for it.  House boy?

        • ladyofthemeadow

          Ooooh NYR you’re such a Mrs. Robinson.

           

          Talor would make a great pool boy to your Mrs. Robinson.

        • ladyofthemeadow

          Ooooh NYR you’re such a Mrs. Robinson.

           

          Talor would make a great pool boy to your Mrs. Robinson.

        • TeamSeth

          You are going to make him swiftner your house?!  That’s all kinds of cruel.

          • natteringyeahrobber
          • TeamSeth

            Wow. That looks exactly like her eyes! If only she dyed her hair green so the hair matched…

        • Anonymous

          So let me get this straight. You are going to let Taylor stay in the house but Rob has to stay in the playhouse out back?! Oh, but Rob gets his own place with his own front door access! Much easier for me to slip in at night,thanks!

          • natteringyeahrobber

            Believe me, Rob has the better deal.

  • Anonymous

    ha ha ha.. i don`t like taylor so much..

  • Anonymous

    ha ha ha.. i don`t like taylor so much..

  • Anonymous

    Also. I think Micheal K prefers Taylor over Rob, from what I have read. There are def. more Taylor crotch posts than Rob, if there ever has been a Rob’s crotch post. The last Rob post on DListed was about his unruly eyebrows.

  • blackgirltwihard

    30 years from now that’s Taylor…
     

    • natteringyeahrobber

      By that time Sopranos will need to be remade. Taylor as Tony works for me.

      • blackgirltwihard

        Niiiiiiceeeee… I can see that Tony was sexy!

    • Anonymous

      I refuse to envision that. Nuh uh, no way!

    • Anonymous

      Hopefully he’ll keep working out but stop with the meat patties and breadsticks to avoid this fate. 

    • Bubs

      Noooooooo!!!

  • Anonymous

    I’m thinking it’s very likely true, well some of it.  There is always a choice. Chet? Ugh! Don’t remind me. 

    COS – Anyone see the Teen Wolf link on the side of the page?  What’s up with that?  Where is his letterman’s jacket? I recognize that kid from made in manhattan.

    • natteringyeahrobber

      Yes, the shirtless guy, right? Poor man’s version of Taylor?

      I saw the original Teen Wolf a few months ago. It’s really not that good. I can’t remember anything from Maid in Manhattan (the J. Lo movie right)? Ralph Fiennes and J. Lo? What the hell were they smoking?

    • natteringyeahrobber

      Also, there is a Gilmore Girls/Maid in Manhattan fan fic (found this while Googling). There really is a fan fic for everything.
      http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3521531/1/Maid_in_Manhattan_Rogan_Style

      • TeamSeth

        It’s incredible really, but true.

  • TeamSeth

    My work computer is blocking Dlist… and all the pics on the old LTT post that TJE referenced. :'(  Oh well.  I think I got all the chet involved. (and I could access the Chet pic hehe)

    Are these things not common in Hollywood?  I’d think you’d go through publicist fairly often.

    • hepburn

      I’ve never heard of stars being dropped by their publicists, rather the other way around seems more common. 

      Plus, the fact that its The Hollywood Reporter thats reporting this and not some random tabloid is also particularly telling. 

  • Anonymous

    I recently heard something on the radio where the DJs were ribbing Taylor for having so much money and still living at home while other stars, like Miley Cyrus, have got their own place. My first thought? And look how well Miley turned out…

    Keep the family together, Big Daddy!

    • natteringyeahrobber

      Good point. 

      Besides, plenty of good things about living with your parents (or with LTT women who have offered to adopt you). Rob has to put artwork in hotel room sinks and needs to throw everything in storage spaces across the country. Taylor has his own bed, can probably put whatever he wants on his walls, and has a fridge taller than 20 inches. Rob has mentioned how tough it is to not have a home, a central place to put all his stuff.

      There are some perks.

      Then again, when I was 20 I lived at home still, and just about lost my mind.

  • chochang

    do you think maybe it was Big Daddy who actually asked for that trailer from before? the one which Taylor supposedly demanded during the filming for Abduction? hmm..

  • sw_twi_fan

    Taylor seems like such a sweetie.  Please don’t become like your Dad.

  • Anonymous

    I got up early this morning to watch my DVR version (I suspect hubby had something to do with the original mysteriously “not” recording) Anywho, tots agree with everything you ladies say…
    BTdubs – NO MENTION OF NICKI REEDS ENGAGEMENT!  ladies…

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