Breaking Down the Breaking Dawn Trailer

Dear Breaking Dawn,

Well THIS came out last night. And before the official reveal it leaked & Moon & I got a chance to break it down, vanity fair style:

Outside of the US- this worked last I checked: Trailer on You Tube

Beller Getting Married

UC: okay wanna start talking where the commercial for Louboutins starts?
so that first scene – Aro is getting the news that a baby was made- NOT an invite, right??
Moon: they’re not stupid they want a big gift- those volturi have lots of money. you KNOW they sent along a “registered at bed bath and beyond card” in their invite
UC: and also “babies R Us” “just in case”
or do you think Bella really wanted Aro to give her away” “Who gives this woman to be wed to this man” Aro: “Her mother & I give BELLER away”
Moon: BELLER is getting married
UC: BELLER getting married!
Moon: BELLER is engaged!
UC: BELLER is PREGGERS!
Moon: So excited for beller
UC: haha

All by Myself

He's gonna need another beer for this news

Moon: dude poor ol charlie
UC: Seriously- Alone AGAIN… Singing “All BY MYSELF!”
oon: love the vitamin r next to him. its like you might wanna sit down for this one. AND you’re gonna need some alchy
UC: I mean- he’ll be a gramps soon- and in the dark as to why his granddaughter grows a weeks worth every few hours,

I'm gonna be a grandma!! I need to find shorter shorts!

Moon: Charlie is missing harry. harry would have seen right through these shenanigans
UC: Then we get Renee- looking her trashy florida self in her jorts. too short for a woman her age… about to become a grandma
Moon: i think renee and cathi hardi were pals in another life. they had bunco nights and girls night at fridays- this scene was actually shot at cathi’s venice beach house

Don’t you DARE use paper that hasn’t been recycled

Moon: so do we think jake is mad they used card stock instead of vellum for the invite? or that they didn’t opt for the recycled ones?

how COULD they kill a tree for their wedding?

UC: yep- SO mad…. it deserved a shirt rip off
Moon: totally. “I’m SO mad they didn’t use the english “honour” instead of “honor” that i must rip this shirt off and go instruct them on proper spelling for invites” Also can i just say the invite is a little plain
UC: right..where was Alice? was there a sale at Barneys the day these were ordered?
Moon: this is alice we’re talking. I’m expecting something at least on the level of the bridal shower invite in Bridesmaids
UC: Target’s card section has better invite templates
Moon: i want to see a butterfly released when i open the Beller and edward wedding invite AT LEAST
UC: AT LEAST- wolf-shaped confetti- just to stick it to him a little (Edward’s idea)
Moon: i could have printed something better from from the microsoft publishing templates section. “You are cordially invited….” to spend your own money seeing this movie 58 times. Love, Summit Entertainment
UC: SO nice of them
Moon: you are cordially invited to… sleep outside for a week on a sidewalk in los angeles to catch a glimpse of mike welches hair at the premioere of this movie

UC: and i love how Billy is about to roll out of control- in the rain, off the ramp… face dive into the mud
Moon: I’m just glad billy is getting some air time, butI wish they gave him a guitar before he inevitably eats it in the mud
UC: maybe he’ll sing at the wedding. one can hope or at least at Charlie & Sue Clearwater’s wedding
Moon: the sabers and cougars can only hope
UC: which I hope is the premise of the inevitable SIXTH twilight movie a year or so after the last one comes out. No one else will have to be in it- they’ll all be out of contract
Moon: summit BETTER give us the love story of sue and charlie
UC: so they’ll have to bring Solomon Trimble back…
Moon: directed of course by Cathi with a screenplay written based on her sue and charlie fanfic
UC: yeah and she’ll cameo as a friend of Sue’s
Moon: “love ain’t nothing but a number or age or whaterer”

Cedric Diggory Getting Married

Try to pretend this doesn't look just like Cedric

Moon: omg Cedric diggory is gettting married
UC: hahaha YES hHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
UC: i love it…… CEDRIC DIGGORY getting married TOTALLY
Moon: can we love on Wyck and steph on the brides side of the wedding???!!!
i guess they’re more family of beller than cederic diggory. maybe jk rolling’s on cedric’s side
UC: well, Steph IS the original beller
Moon: seth’s behind wyck and steph. tells him where he stands! who’s the dude on cedric’s side in the blue hoodie? Didn’t get the memo about this being a wedding??
Moon: do you think mr Molina (mr. banner) was invited? i mean he should be credited with setting them up. he made them lab partners.
UC: I hope so
Moon: maybe he gets to make a toast….
UC: He SAW the ‘jizz in my pants” face in person
Moon: something about going from the golden onion to a golden wedding band
UC: that would be beautiful. Here’s hoping
Moon: after the jizz in the pants face he KNEW it was something special
UC: it wasn’t your typical ‘jizz in your pants” face that his 16 year old students normally make!

Eat your heart out boys

UC: so Beller looks HOT- I mean beautiful or whatever a bride should be. I think they might have fake lashes on her- very pretty look for a blushing virgin bride
Moon: oh dude do they not show the dress???!!!
UC: ohh they don’t!
Moon: gotta wait for the big reveal in the theaters???
UC: yes- they should…. i mean.. unless we’re gonna laugh or .. maybe ESPECIALLY if we’re gonna laugh. We need something to laugh at .. always!
Moon: i really hope it’s old timey and NO spoilers people who saw the leaked pics!
Moon: also who’s the pastor?
UC: i dunno! have they been going to church all this time?
Moon: i thought emmett would get ordained online by the universal church and marry them. FAIL
UC: that would have been so special. missed opportunity
Moon: tell a bad sex joke before the vows

Moon: I love that in the Rio scene Beller and edward and standing still while everyone is dancing in the street
cause we KNOW rob and kstew have zero rhythm
Moon: and robsteners PLEASE don’t comment about their rhythm in the bedroom. GROSS
UC: duh #robstendreams
Moon: oh dang theres a shot of them getting it on by a waterfall
Moon: omg I’m totally not ashamed to say i went back to the headboard part & re-watched it. i mean come on
UC: it’s so hard core.. i mean… the sound- was kinda like when the curtain tore.. in the temple.. that might be sacrilegious to say.. but it kinda had a religious look to it… on my first look:

Try to tell me this wasn't in the Bible

Moon: it definitely did. the shit hits the fan. LITERALLY- like this headboard is hitting the fan and the curtains
UC: his back- the muscles.. i felt like… it was Biblical… Samson or something is that weird?
Moon: no
UC: kinda weird…. but.. no seriously–
Moon: bella is defs a Delilah
UC: we’re getting all spiritual up in here. Okay i just watched the Biblical Samson scene again.. .kinda dramatic..
Moon: yea I’m pretty sure thats thunder
UC: i mean.. yes… it’s important… it’s 2nd best to the leg hitch (i’m all about the simple things) but that was a LITTLE over the top
Moon: and the folks at planned parenthood are crying the exact millisecond rensemee was conceived
UC: a bolt of lightening hit at the exact moment the sperm hit the egg
The Sun was hidden by the moon- There was an eclipse. And a thunder strike…and the folks at MTV excited- Bella can be the newest hero on Teen Mom
Moon: exactly. edward and bella season 3 of teen mom only without the trailer park and and kid with pink rubber glasses
UC: hopefully Renesmee doesn’t have those. time will tell.
UC: Back it up a bit- to FURTHER solidify my point above about the spirituality- they show that famous Rio statue….foreshadowing something- i dunno what…. but definitely comes full circle with the thunder bolt- breaking of the headboard- samson & Delilah religious scene
Moon: i just want to hear bill condons directing rob on tearing apart the headboard while the choir sings
UC: yes- The 100 Monkeys were on set that day providing the soundtrack to the love making and headboard breaking
Moon: it was actually jackson singing on set. he made up an impromptu song about losing your vcard to a vampire
UC: they made it a rap “break that board- break it good” inspired by a poem sent to him by a 100 monkeys fan the week before
Moon: everyone got really pissed after they had to listen to it 10 times in a row. the Brasilian crew revolted- even in a diff language 100 monkeys is horrible

I'm so fat

Moon: Do we even care that charlie bewley throws that girl across the room for no reason?
UC: NO! Let’s just go to the preggers part
Moon: I love that she touches her NON EXISTENT stomach
PLEASE GIRL
UC: yep… PuH LEESE. like.. at least eat a 1/2 bag of cheetos so we can SORTA believe it
Moon: thats more the buritto you ate in rio last night than it is a baby. Or she didn’t do enough street dancing at the fake carnivale to work it off
UC: right…. gotta get on top next time so you actually have to do something- that’ll disappear in no time
Moon: and edward looks like OH SHIT that cant be mine right???!! when did she have a quickie with newton in the stock room??!!
UC: he’s like “oh… i did read in “how to make love to a virginal human” that the sound of thunder would roar if my seed would implant… but I didn’t think that applied to me”
Moon: I mean if they don’t know for sure… if theres even a shadow of a doubt that they can conceive shouldn’t Carlilse be telling everyone to wrap that shit up?!! I mean COME ON!!!!!! it still baffles me
UC: RIGHT I mean… of all the things to baffle us… that probably doesn’t have to be #1 on the list .
Moon: its a mortal no-no for us to have a vampire baby but hey let’s see what happens
UC: like…. really renee? You just let your 18 year old daughter her married? that SHOULD worry us more…
Moon: They should roll a PSA after this about “safe sex”
UC: that would be awesome
Moon: and the mtv should have a commercial for a special season of teen mom since that’s basically how the trailer ends- Fade to Black- aka FADE TO NEW SEASON OF TEEN MOM starring Edward Cullen & Bella Swan.

And there you have it! We saw the trailer, We loved it, we fangirled & got excited for November 18th which STILL feels so far away!

What did you think!?

Love,
UnintendedChoice

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store
  • Anonymous

    I’ve been looking forward to this break down all weekend.  Major dork points.  So here I am at 5am to read it.  Baby’s up anyway, might as well do something entertaining!

    • Stacey

      If the baby’s up at 5 am, you HAVE to read a LTT Breaking Dawn trailer breakdown. My baby was up at 5 am too. Only I am on the east coast, so I had to wait and watch the fantastic and ridiculous Rob on the MTV Movie awards. I might have rewound 10 times)the part where Rob says to Bryce, “I ripped off your head and now you have a baby in your stomach.”

      Somebody must of added some vodka to the guy’s Heneken.

      • Anonymous

        Hahahaha!  Now I have to go find that clip!  I’ll watch it as soon as I finish Rob’s ridiculous roast of Reese.  Baby’s back to sleep, toddler isn’t up yet and it’s too early to do anything productive, so it’s time for Mommy to watch MTV.  Obviously.

        • Anonymous

          I am supposed to be studying. But really, not read the Breaking Dawn trailer post? I can’t wait until the husband leaves for work so I can have a date with MTV Rob.

          • Anonymous

            That was one awkward date. Oh well, it mostly always is. It was in the beginning. Then there were a number of very composed and funny and unawkward interviews and late nite show appearances. Then things got awkward again. Things always come full circle.

      • Anonymous

        Maybe Rob is now confused as to how to make a baby. “If the undead can conceive, everything I thought I knew is wrong! I guess I just…rip her head off? Or just make allusions to fucking people? I really should read a pamphlet or something….”

      • Anonymous

        Oh yeah, that was pretty shocking.  She was trying to help him out since he was at a loss for words for the exception speech, and he still screwed it up. I liked Kristin’s reaction.

      • MariaCecilia

        Yes, I especially enjoyed that little comment – poor guy, he must be sooo confused as to what to do or not do to make a baby by now!
        I didn’t get access to the clip until this afternoon and now I just HAD to come here belatedly to fangirl squee about Edward’s manly shoulders breaking the headboard! Squeeeee!

        Funny you should mention the biblical allusion, I definitely got a Samson and Moses vibration there, you know, breaking things for the greater glory of God and so on…ripping a nightgown or two.. :-)

  • superhumanmoron

    Angela’s dad married them in the book.  #TwiNerd

    • Stacey

      That’s right! I was surprised they didn’t have Condon fill in the role to save some money. Have to have the extra cash for the fake blood they need in this one. The multiple takes of the sippy cups alone, would make a dent in the budget. (Mostly after Ashley’s and Kellen’s pay raise)

      But Kellen would be a fantastic minister. Inappropriate jokes at the most somber declarations of love. It would be brillant. (Mostly, when Rosalie comes over to whack him on the head after every joke)

    • Anonymous

      Glad to know we’re all Twinerds here.

    • Anonymous

      That guy doesn’t look like he could be Angela’s dad.  It looked like Wyck Godfrey to me, but then he is in the audience.  
      Someone pointed out that Melissa Rosenberg is also in the audience next to Wyck!

      • Moon

         What! stop!! now i gotta go watch it again! they should have made her the guest book lady.

    • Moon

       WHAT??!!! for real?? i don’t remember that at all!

      • Anonymous

        Totally.

  • Anonymous

    “It’s impossible!”  Impossible that KStew’s tummy isn’t completely concave?  Eat enough burritos and donuts and that’s what happens, sweetie.  Also reminds me of those girls in high school who swore you couldn’t get pregnant your first time.  Carlisle seriously fell down on that education job.
    Moon– as the resident LTT pastor’s kid I’ll remind you that Angela’s dad ends up officiating the wedding.  And, bizarrely, my brain seems to have categorized him as Lutheran.  No idea why, but I’m not going to go check the book to see if I’m making stuff up.  
    My postpartum body is beyond hope of a flat stomach like “pregnant Bella” but I want her eyebrows.  Maybe I’ll find time for a waxing and take that picture in to the salon…

    • Anonymous

      I love her eyebrows too. They look great. I wish I didn’t look like a clown when I make mine darker and more defined.

      • Anonymous

        Maybe have them professional tatooed?  Mom mom’s friend had it done.  She asked if I noticed anything about her eyebrows. Not knowing where she was going with that question, I pointed out one was higher than the other.

        • Anonymous

          That is funny. Getting my eyebrows tattooed on sounds like a nightmare I would have, considering my general eyebrow fixation.

          • MariaCecilia

            Hm, I once had a boarding house lady who shaved her eyebrows, then painted them on with a black eyeliner, AND painted her eyeline AND her eyelashes on with the same black eyeliner pencil. Scary. I kid you not. Don’t think a tattoo would be much better, actually…

      • Anonymous

        Maybe have them professional tatooed?  Mom mom’s friend had it done.  She asked if I noticed anything about her eyebrows. Not knowing where she was going with that question, I pointed out one was higher than the other.

    • Moon

       we need a page number an a book report.

  • Stacey

    Wasn’t the minister is Angela’s dad! I thought they were going to cut costs and get Condon to do double duty, but know they hired somebody! I hope they saved some cash for more money the sippy cups of blood later in the film. Even though Emmett would be the best minister ever. Highly inappropriate dirty jokes at somber declarations of love.

    I also found myself laughing at the angry Jacob run, then obsessing at how skinny Taylor looked at the awards. (Compared to the trailer)  It was like he lost ten years and went back to being the Twilight Jacob. I really wanted to feed him some hamburger patties!

    Also, why did Charlie Bewley randomly throw somebody? I don’t think that happened in the book? Even they wanted some action shots, just show some of the birthing scenes at the end. It’s kind of like the Alien movies.   

    • Stacey

      Ignore this post. Disquis is acting crazy. It disappered and came back after I rewrote my comments. I don’t like you very much Disquis!

    • Anonymous

      I totally laughed at angry Jacob too– the requisite shirtless Taylor shot always kills me.  
      Charlie was in the trailer just to make sure TeamSeth gets herself to the theater on opening night :)

      • Anonymous

        Not only is he angry and shirtless, he’s angry and shirtless in the rain!  Can you get any more clichés in there?

        • Anonymous

          You know you’d hate a Twi trailer without the Twi cliches though!

        • Moon

          there’s NO other way for jakey to be angry. it must involvge water. may i suggest a hot tub next time?

          • Anonymous

            Genius. Are you offering to manage the reshoots for BDII? Hot tub sales are sure to go up.

          • Anonymous

            And then UC will be happy!

        • MariaCecilia

          It’s not a cliché, it’s just Forks. I mean, it’s always raining in Forks, so you can’t control your anger long enough to wait for the sun to come out before you tear your shirt off and run to Canada. Seriously!

      • TeamSeth

        Aww, this is so true BeaDee.

    • TeamSeth

       Bewley always had a crush on KStew since he met her, or at least thinks she’s smoking hot.  Clearly he was channeling his anger that she’s getting married in the movie as if it were real life.

      And he’s hot.

      • MariaCecilia

        Probably Gianna said something to piss him off after she delivered the invite, like “I would NEVER marry a Cullen if I could have YOU, baby”. Her batting eyelashes were her downfall… too lame to ever become a vampire. Epic flirting fail.

        • TeamSeth

          Epic indeed.

          I would never make a rookie mistake like that. Cut straight to the chase, “You. Me. Sex. Let’s do this.”  I don’t play around with Bewley.

  • Sisterpenguin

    Woo hoo! Finally something to feed off.

    Charlie and Renee get invites? They’re the ones asking people to come. Alice would be so much more into the script typeface and at least a bit of rice paper.

    Tad concerned with the thunder scene: two hands on the headboard? For first timers? I know Edward’s supposed to be good at everything but still…

    Also viewable for us foreigners (think the pic quality better) at
    http://www.imdb.com/features/movies/breakingdawn/

    • Anonymous

      Headboard = second timers… but still.  I think they would have given us feathers in the trailer but gave us this instead because it’s the scene that pictures leaked from, so it’s less of a spoiler now.  Thunder is a bit much, though.

      • Anonymous

        Right. The headboard thing was the second time, after poor Bella straight up CRIED and Begged for the PopsiclePeen Lovin’. Can’t blame her, really. 

        • Moon

          “can’t blame her, really.” HAHAHAHAA

        • TeamSeth

          Even promised to go to an Ivy League school and take all of Edward’s money!  She’s a real giver that one. ;)

      • natteringyeahrobber

        Was it even a headboard though? I’ve watched a few times (ok, 67) and it sort of looks like he is ripping out part of a window frame. Also, it takes a lot of talent to break the canopy/destroy a window without also knocking over those candles. Maybe Bella had the foresight to superglue them to the windowsill.

        That could have gone way wrong…Bella’s head on fire, for starters.

        • Moon

          “Bella’s head on fire, for starters”

          i wanna see this in the blooper reel!

        • Anonymous

          THANK YOU NAT!! I’ve been thinking the same thing about the headboard/window. And in my few viewings I was wondering if the candles were outside? I don’t know, it sounds too weird.

          • natteringyeahrobber

            Note that the curtains were pushed all the way aside. Most people close the curtains before destroying hotel property.

            I think Edward wanted an audience outside. Especially the way he has positioned himself, RIGHT in front of the window. Surprised he didn’t set up a large screen outside for those people who prefer to watch while seated on picnic blankets, sipping wine.

          • Anonymous

            Um. I’d watch that. Who me? I’m just cleaning the sand off your patio, don’t mind me.

          • Anonymous

            Um. I’d watch that. Who me? I’m just cleaning the sand off your patio, don’t mind me.

        • TeamSeth

          I bet she left them vulnerable in hopes of them burning her wig.

      • MariaCecilia

        If fan fiction is true Edward and Bella rapidly got into experimenting with positions so this may actually be the umpteenth time they are trying this out, (Edward: “Look, Bella, no hands!”) and they have moved on from headboards to breaking walls and window frames. Now I think I have to see this movie…

    • Anonymous

      You’re right about the invites–Mom and Dad of the bride are the ones who are supposed to be sending them out.  Doesn’t Alice have a copy of Emily Post or Miss Manners lying around?  Sure, it’s an unconventional wedding, but no one is supposed to know that.

      • Stacey

        They kind of look like the wedding invites you can buy in multi packs at Target. Alice probably ran out of time obsessing over dresses and votive candles. She then had to run the invites through the ink jet printer in her room. She didn’t even address Aro’s invitation by name. That’s one serious party foul.

      • Anonymous

        Invites get so complicated with divorced and remarried parents, though.  And it would be weird since Charlie and Renee aren’t the ones actually hosting the party.  “Alice, the bride’s best friend and groom’s adopted sister, requests the honor of your presence” would just be weird.

        • Anonymous

          that’s true, actually. I think our wedding invites didn’t mention the Multitude of Parents and Steps and all that. Tres moderne.

          • MariaCecilia

            We sent invites out in our names, although our parents were helping by paying for half the wedding. Since we handwrote the whole damn lot I think we deserved to take the credit for the invite!!

        • TeamSeth

          Exactly! Too much to fit on a 5×7 card with a border.

          And what’s wrong with ink jet printer invites?! As if weddings weren’t expensive enough, who needs embossing?! Hrmph. (rethinking inkjet invite idea)

          • natteringyeahrobber

            I think the money they saved on embossing was spent on waterproofing the invites. They probably figured the wolf clan would either 1)toss them angrily into the nearest puddle/watering hole or 2)forget that the wedding invite was in their pocket when they went cliff diving.

          • natteringyeahrobber

            Also, sort of OT, and maybe this has been covered in the books, but I cannot for the life of me remember. How do the Volturi travel across water? Do they take a private jet? Do they fly (like the baddies in Superman 2)? Or supersonic swim then fly? Because if they swim, I guess their invites would need waterproofing too.  

          • TeamSeth

            I’m pretty sure that’s not covered, however, I like to assume they either float across the oceans (talk about creepy) OR they take a private jet with a huge Volturi emblem on the tail.

          • natteringyeahrobber

            By float, do you mean on the water surface, or just above. Are they horizontal or vertical (sort of like jet skiing, but without the boat). Do they wear backpacks? Obviously they’d have to get their luggage across the ocean somehow. 

            Sort of OT (again): am I the only one still watching the Michael Sheen fanfic video? I cannot stop. The way he says dismount, jeeeesus. 

          • Anonymous

            Nothing’s wrong with ink jet invites.  Alice would just never do it.  Why would you wrestle with all that formatting if you have unending funds?

          • TeamSeth

            That’s true.  Phew. All my funds (cough, none) point towards inkjet!

    • oh werd?

      I thought the same thing about the headboard lol a lil early for that move ed!

  • Linda

    Girls, I’m reading your blog in Germany (not e v e r y day like Steph) and you really made my day. I loved the trailer and the headboard was hard- core. I’m so looking forward to November.

    • Moon

      hello linda in germany! happy to have you by this morning!

  • http://twitarded.blogspot.com/ Snarkier Than You

    She could have at least tried too poof out her stomach just a tiny bit, no?? Maybe they needed to get a belly body double who had a sandwich recently…

    I was a tad underwhelmed on first view but have to admit that 57 views later I was kinda psyched – c’mom, November!

    • Moon

      supes excited!

      they should pretty much get any real woman to be her stomach double

    • MariaCecilia

      I agree, even I could make myself look successfully pregnant when I was acting in my teens just by puffing my stomach out: maybe Bella has been doing too much yoga and her muscles are just too tight to let her belly puff out? No, Bella doing yoga, that was another story..

  • Stacey

    Is it wrong that I laughed during the trailer? Like when Rob was breaking the headboard and Taylor was doing his angry run? A prelude to the later perimeter running. Also, I was distracted by the skinny Twilight version of Taylor at the awards and the buff Jacob in the trailer. I just wanted to feed the boy some meat patties.

    Also, why was Charlie Bewley throwing a body around? Aro too excited about the upcoming wedding and Demetri was tired of hearing about it? “Beller this….Beller that…what dress do you think she’ll be wearing?”

    If they needed more action shots, they should have just shown a bit of the birth. I imagine it being a bit like the movie Alien. Eww.

  • Stacey

    Is it wrong that I laughed during the trailer? Like when Rob was breaking the headboard and Taylor was doing his angry run? A prelude to the later perimeter running. Also, I was distracted by the skinny Twilight version of Taylor at the awards and the buff Jacob in the trailer. I just wanted to feed the boy some meat patties.

    Also, why was Charlie Bewley throwing a body around? Aro too excited about the upcoming wedding and Demetri was tired of hearing about it? “Beller this….Beller that…what dress do you think she’ll be wearing?”

    If they needed more action shots, they should have just shown a bit of the birth. I imagine it being a bit like the movie Alien. Eww.

    • Anonymous

      Right? Is Demitri like, DUDE, I wanted a piece of that! (Edward, obvs.) Or just like, “Bella Bella BELLA!”?

      • TeamSeth

        Yes.  Fortunately, I will make myself available for him.  Especially since no one is coming to my wedding due to my ink jet invitations. :’(

    • Anonymous

      Maybe the whole Volturi thing is just a cover for a big gay vampire club, and they’re all catfighting over who gets Edward, and now they’re all mad that he’s not gay after all.  And jealous that they didn’t get to design Beller’s dress for her.  That bitch Alice has NO DESIGN SENSE, GIRL!

      • Stacey

        Well all of the Volturi love their scarfs and flamboyant robes. I am sure Caius has a thing for 70′s disco.

      • TeamSeth

        She really doesn’t! I mean, all they’ve seen her in was the smock!

    • Moon

       i totally laughed… i kept thinking about how all the “normal” people must be laughing because of all the theatrics over a wedding invite.

    • MariaCecilia

      And why is Jacob running with the invitation in his hand in the stills from the movie, but throws it down immeadiately before he runs away in the actual film? Yea, I get it, they didn’t want to make Billy come wheeling after him another mile just to pick it up, but anyway, I resent the false expectations this gave me..

      • natteringyeahrobber

        Hmmm. Maybe they sent two invites. One for the puddle, one for keeping. Or maybe they are cruel and send him an invite every day, so every day he has a repeat bad mail day. Or maybe what we saw in the still is actually a jury duty summons. “Swear to god, register my car one day, get a jury duty summons the next, WTF?” I’d be pissed enough to turn wolfy. 

  • Michelle

    UC: and i love how Billy is about to roll out of control- in the rain, off the ramp… face dive into the mudMoon: I’m just glad billy is getting some air time, butI wish they gave him a guitar before he inevitably eats it in the mud

    Oh my goodness girls, I LOVE YOU FOR THIS. I laughed so hard I snorted. Good times.

    Robward = Headboard = YUMMYandlovelydreamsforalleternity. Mmm mmm goooood.

    Epic as always my lovelies.

    That is all… :)

  • Anonymous

    I swear there was a mass screaming orgasm for females around the world seeing Edward bust that window still.

  • Anonymous

    When I found out about the trailer being premiered, I was excited, but even more so to read LTT and the break down!  You guys always come through with laughs!  I love that you took it from being biblical to an episode of teen mom.  Slow clap for that brilliance.

  • SNRabb

    I was waiting for this lovely break down and laughed all the way through it XD I honestly expected the invitation to be a bit nicer. I mean, they could’ve printed just the one and used it on all the scenes to save money, a they probably did with this cheap looking one. Had they been regular people I would’ve understood, but they’re supposed to have loads of money and by the look on Charlie’s face, the Cullens are paying for the entire thing.

    Loved the headboard breaking, what up with that lady flying across the room (maybe Irina)? They showed quite a bit though, more than I expected :P

    • TeamSeth

      Irina would have to be in part 2 though I would think. Hm…

      • Anonymous

        Yeah, it’s not Irina– she was in one of the stills and she’s definitely blond, not brunette.

        • TeamSeth

          Yeah… she’s played by Shannon from Lost, right?

          Sigh. I think it’s the “Or dessert” girl OR Heidi…. “Save some for me.”  Mmmm Bewley, I will. Oh yes, i will.  Sorry, back to earth now! :)

          Yeah, I think Irina will make her appearance in film 2.

  • Sonata

    WOAH! STOP THE PRESSES!
     
    Nikki Reed is ENGAGED? No joke…just saw it on People.com.  She has a tiney-tiny ring from Newton Outfitter’s Bubble Gum Machine to prove it. 
     
    I need THIS broken down by Moon and UC :-)
     
    PS–Isn’t Bella 19 when she gets married? #Twinerd

    • operarose

      I think she turns 19 on their honeymoon #alsoTwinerd

      • toooldforthis

        She actually turns 19 the day that she wakes up from her vampire transformation.  That’s why the Cullens gave her and Edward that cottage in the woods.  It was part of her birthday present.  #waytooTwinerdy

        • Anonymous

          right, because she wanted to be turned before she was too old, and she VampWigs because it’s her birthday and they are all Happy Birthday, Suckah!

        • TeamSeth

          I love you. I read that and i was all “No it was the day she finished turning!”

          Which means her and Renesme have bdays 1.75 days apart.

    • Anonymous

      Yes, it needs a break down.  Can we talk about the fact that he was wearing a bolo tie last night?  That’s grounds for a break-up right there.  Or for marrying the guy so you can tell him what to wear, I suppose.

      • TeamSeth

        Bolo ties aren’t a problem when reverse cowgirl is involved. And we all know that it isn’t Nikki’s first rodeo.

    • Stacey

      Isn’t she marrying some guy that lost American Idol? Which is sort of funny, because he was on a show that’s winner is chosen by teenage girls and she was on a movie with the same fans. Which is the reason that the MTV movie awards should have be renamed the Twilight awards. They should have just given out awards for favotite Cullen wig and best funny line that Charlie said.

      • Anonymous

        It’s kind of weird that they caught the moment they met on camera, when the American Idol contestants went to some event and Nikki was there.  They caught both of them eyeing each other and saying, “Who was that?”  Creepy.  And it was only a couple of months ago.  All of which bodes really well for the marriage, don’t you think?

    • Moon

      I HEARD THIS!! and also: nikki reed is only 19???

      • Anonymous

        Moon, you’ve obviously been out of the country– you missed Nikki celebrating her 23rd birthday with way-too-smiley-Paul.  

  • Rob’s slow mo’ strut

    Boy oh boy, how I missed you two breaking dawn…err I mean DOWN stuffs like these. Too many memorable lines to quote from this post, so I’m gonna just say that all of it was brilliant.

    btw, I was thinking again about the major glitch in Stephenie’s biology. I mean, vampires don’t have blood circulating through their veins, right? So how come Edward and all other male vampires, get, you know, boners? Maybe Jake G sold them the Viagra from Love and Other Drugs?

    Can I just say how hot the head board breaking scene looked? I mean the sound effects sounded similar to werewolf growls but OH MY GOD DID YOU SEE ROB’S ARMS? AND HIS SEXY MUSCLED BACK? I know what Rob looks like under those clothes. That could have been Chris Hemsworth breaking headboards. Do you think they superimposed Thor’s back instead? Too many questions!

    And hello Bella, of all the people to have unprotected sex with, you had to choose a vampire? I mean who the hell knows what kind of toxic stuff exists in his semen?

    • Stacey

      That can’t be Rob’s back. They CGI’ed that thing on him. Didn’t Weisz CGI those New Moon Italy abs?

      • Anonymous

        That’s what I said.  Rob could be doing hours of weightlifting every day and still couldn’t get a defined muscle if his life depended on it.

        • Anonymous

          Please just let us live with the “lie” :)…….

          • Anonymous

            This is for you Cyn! (and me) I think logistically anyone holding their entire body weight with mainly their arms is going to have a whole lot of muscle. Add to that the fact that Rob said he worked out for his shirtless scenes and I think it could be very possible.

            Yep, not willing to go tweed for Edward and his marble nuts but will totes put on a whole tweed skirt and jacket for Rob and his fine, muscley back. Plus, I’m willing to live with the lie ;)

          • Anonymous

            Question: Why is Rob’s back so tan? I don’t see any white pale skin.

          • natteringyeahrobber

            Back doesn’t match the front, you are correct. Maybe we all have it wrong. Maybe it is Jake? I mean we all are assuming Edward, but it could be some random shot of Jake with Jessica? I know that was not in the book, but I’m sure they had to console themselves somehow.

      • MariaCecilia

        No, you forget, those abs were spray-painted on him. (Can I have a can of that please? I need to make my boobs appear bigger..)

    • Anonymous

      Okay, here I am again with the SM guide to vampire boners!
      http://www.stepheniemeyer.com/bd_faq.html

      Check out the Vampires and pregnancy: how does that happen? section. I’m not feeling the tweed at the moment!

      • TeamSeth

        I think your link to was tweed enough ;)

    • MariaCecilia

      Lol – I think Summit actually took my hint about using body doubles for Rob all through Breaking Dawn, to forgo all the bitching and way too expensive personal trainers..(this from an old letter I wrote during the filming of Eclipse when Rob had been MIA forever and I brooded desperately over the fact that he might be dead and what would happen if that were true..)

      • TeamSeth

        I’m glad they did (if they did).  I like my Edward looking like Adonis, thanks so much.

  • Anonymous

    I was a touch confused when I first watched the trailer, like you two seemed to be. What are the Volturi doing? Renee strutting in short shorts? Did Charlie eat a bad breakfast sausage? Then I got it. It could be a Twinerd fail on my part, and we saw the stills already, but I don’t remember any Brazilian street party in the book. No, maybe there was.
    Anyway, the money shot was Edward’s back while doing Bella. Not how I pictured it, but so good.

    • TeamSeth

      There was not. Bella basically sleeps for the whole trip down to Isle Esme in Brazil. They arrive at night and then while “settling in” Bella discovers that Alice only packed sexy times outfits. Has a small freak out, takes a shower to “calm down”, finally musters the courage to get naked with the person she tried to play just the tip with 2 months ago, and goes outside and drops her towel. Fast forward past the water shoes and warm water to consummation of the marriage.

      I make this honeymoon sound like a drag, huh?

      • MariaCecilia

        But if you’re going to spend all that money filming in Brazil, you’ve got to have a scene that actually takes place in Brazil – ergo add in a scene on the way to the boat where people do what we all know they do in Brazil: dance in the streets. (Did you see the guy in the background carrying the sign “This scene takes place in Brazil!”?)

        • TeamSeth

          Fair dues.

          Let’s just hope for a sultry samba or two! Bella, clumsy? Hale no!

          Dear Brasilera Bella,

          Let’s count, one-two, one-two, one-two—That’s it, girl! Shake it. Sh-sh-shake it like the paparazzi’s Polaroid picture!

          Looking at your ass and not your stomach,
          Brasilero Edward.

  • Anonymous

    All of this made me laugh inappropriately in public, while getting my hair done and I brought my laptop to do “work”, but this got people to stare at me and start to worry: he’s like “oh… i did read in “how to make love to a virginal human” that the sound of thunder would roar if my seed would implant…” 

    Last night was so good in so. many. ways. Ahh. Good times. 

  • che

    i was exciting for the trailer  like never been for others cuz u know for the basic thing ;) ‘the headboard part’ is enough for me(well actually it’s not)no wedding no Beller’s dress no shirtless Jacob again and again(never been)..it’s just Edward and his mascular back ..is that all right ?lol 

  • operarose

    What do I think? I think this is one of the most epic breakdowns ever.

    My mind was working somewhat in the same sequence yours were… the first 30-40 seconds of the trailer, I was all like, “wedding invite, wedding invite, how am I going to survive this movie, how am I going to face friends and family who see this movie and know I supposedly like this series, help, cheesy, 2-hand embarrassed….” then, cut to Edward as Cedric at the (marriage) altar and suddenly it hits me. I loved Cedric. And Edward… looks stunning. Like, better than he has in any of the movies combined. It “dawns” on me that he might actually look really really hot in this movie. (disclaimer: not commenting on Rob’s hotness, I am commenting on the fact they made Rob look awkward and pasty in pretty much every moment of the Twilight movies). 

    So as Beller steps up to Cedric, I’m feeling more serious and excited about this movie. Then, cut to Rio, and suddenly I am a 14 year old having not-so-innocent thoughts for the first time, and then suddenly there is the “altar” (the religious experience as you girls brilliantly described it) to the love of Cedric and Beller and that’s when I start acting all like the nutty madam video you tweeted last night.

    There were a few pangs of embarrassment again as Beller puts her hand over her enviably flat and slim abdomen but by then I couldn’t care less, and you have to peel me off the floor and I watch it again. 

    Oh Twilight. You may cause me to be 2nd hand and 1st hand embarrassed for myself for the rest of your life, but some of your moments are so good.

    I’m off to build an altar to the love of Beller and Edward now. (Don’t ask.)

    • operarose

      correction: for the rest of my life. Of course, it could also be for the rest of Twilight’s life, however long that is. Whichever is longer I suppose.

  • Anonymous

    OMELE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!First: Your the trailer breakdown was so freaking funny I couldn’t stop laughing seriously….tears and all..the mental images you created cannot be put into words!
    Second: The trailer, which I may or may not have replayed 437 times already since last night..(just a guesstimate) got me all re-Twilighted!! Not that I haven’t ALWAYS be Twilighted, but you know life kind of gets in the way and I have to limit the exertion to my heart (I am old) BTW I kinda resent the short-shorts comment..I wear short shorts..she wears short-shorts….(oh no slipped into singing mode)..anyway…I live for the sun (the whole 3 days we’ve had) and I LOVE to tan so I wear them..so there, I admit it!!! But I digress, I WANT MORE!!! Such a tease!!!
    Third: Have to admit I was proud of the Twi-Team on MTV…SO LOVE the ROB/TAYLOR kiss…even Kristen was pretty funny..thought they were so much more “normal” and almost fell to the floor (coulda killed a puppy, had I done so) when Rob says to Kristen he wants to get her backstage! Imagination took over…swoon… Loved It!!! See now I am all a flutter….be back later :) 
    Happy Happy Monday!!! :)

    • operarose

      Glad to see you Cyn! It’s fantastic that you wear short shorts.

      I liked Rob & Kristen at the MTV movie awards. Well, sorta love to hate to love to hate to love to hate them…but you know what I mean. It’s fun that they’re so insane and say things like “I’ll take you backstage…” your imagination wasn’t the only one to take over. hah. Love it.

      As a side note (and as I tweeted numerous times) I also loved (geez…using the word “love” a lot today, must be the love-action of the trailer seeping into my brain) Emma Watson at the awards. Did she not embody a side of us all when she is shaking her head in scorn at the mischief the Twicast are causing on-stage? Secretly, I bet she’s an LTT reader.

      I also love her and her dress and her shoes.

      Ok, enough love…back to work. hate.

      • Anonymous

        haha! I loved that Emma Watson was all aghast the whole time. *cue upper crust British accent* “Honestly! Harry Potter is clEERly the superiour fil-im. These Yanks wouldn’t know quality acting if Gregory House spat di-RECT-ly in their faces. IMAGINE. Hijinks at the MTV Awards! The VERY Idea.”

        • Anonymous

          but she is totes hotness with her cute short hair.

        • Anonymous

          In all fairness though I thought that MTV were just setting it up as a way to pit “Camp Harry” against “Camp Twilight.” Somewhere that evening, a MTV producer was secretly praying for a Bella/Hermione bitchfight. Both (to their credit) were too classy to let it go that far. Though, if they had, my money would have been on Hermione, as she is perhaps one of the greatest witches of our time.

          • TeamSeth

            They must have seen my fan comic strip mash up.  (shakes fist at MTV)  Stealers!

  • gizmo

    This breakdown is so much more exciting than the actual trailer. And may I add, much more coherent? 

    When it first leaked, I thought this couldn’t be the real deal, right? I thought it was a test version of the real one. Or the work of those people that got their hands on the pictures and scenes 2 months ago and cut what they had into a trailer hours before the actual one just to eff with Summit. I mean, the scenes they cut together seem so random, and the cutaways so rough, not to mention the soundtracks… Also, the Renee – Florida background is so obviously a green screen and poorly CGI-ed.Am I really the only ont who thought there were better fanmade trailers out there?That said, this “Beller is getting married” tweet of yours made me laugh all night. Thank you, UC & Moon.

    • Anonymous

      The soundtrack, oh the soundtrack.  That was the other thing that made me laugh besides shirtless TayTay.

  • Yesjayme

    Wolf shaped confetti.  Snort.

    Headboard gifs are my life now.

  • Yesjayme

    Wolf shaped confetti.  Snort.

    Headboard gifs are my life now.

  • Renee759

    I was so loving the trailer and watched it multiple times in class while trying to or supposing to take notes.  I can’t wait till November, I have officially decided to take that day off and the day after to see all four movies with my girls.  SN:  Absolutely hilarious the comment about Billy rolling off the ramp and the baby with the rubber pink glasses.  I’m sitting in class reading and trying not to laugh out loud. :)

  • Anonymous

    Completely off topic (how could I go off topic when I still haven’t watched all of the MTV clips? I don’t know):
    Since I decided in the end that I kind of <3 et Trylle, I am reading My Blood Approves. I've read books 1 & 2, and I am once again finding myself conflicted about going for #3. The second book was so so so very very very so so. The way she set thing up, I don't have any special feeling for Jack or Peter. And it bothers me that she gives absolutely no description of what Alice looks like. I guess maybe she did that to let the reader put themselves in as Alice (except that I can't say that I'd like too anyway), or something. But it annoys the hell out of me. She is 5'3", and has hair that is long enough to put in a bun. She is not horrified to change into a guest bathing suit with no notice, so she is slender and has good bikini grooming habits. That is not enough of a description for me.

    • Anonymous

      So you did love the Tyrlle books?  MBA does get better.  I read all the books back to back, so I can’t remember what happens when. There are some things that don’t connect, but I like Peter’s development in the later books.  He is less of a mystery.  I like how when things start to get serious, someone barges in on Jack and Alice they are like, “are you Serious?!”  I like how Alice gains a little bit of herself. In the beginning, it’s all about Jack and hanging out, but then she figures out what she wants to do with her life.

      • Anonymous

        Yes, Trylle did win me over in the end. I skipped past quite a few epic troll battle parts, but that is usual for me.
        You know there is no chance I’m really not going to get the third MBA, especially at 2.99. But a lot of things bothered me about book 2 of MBA. Alice has a lot to think about. But endless conversations that go nowhere, constant re-assurance from everyone, over and over. It reminded me of the later Sookie books, in which Sookie’s inner dialog gets really boring and repetitive. I do like the stollen makeout sessions with Jack.
        Plus the way she writes bugs me a lot in parts. Why does everyone say some version of “how do you know where I’m at”. Is there no other adjective to describe sexy people besides “foxy”? Can people not be jerks sometimes, must they always be a “dick”?

        • Anonymous

          Good points. She does explain the whole ‘being able to find someone’ bit
          later on, so that must have been a common complaint she adresses later on.
          So many things happen in book 3 and 4, it would be hard not to encourage you
          to finish.

          • Anonymous

            I don’t have a problem with not knowing how they know “where she at” all the time, it is the actual language used. The “at” part. Instead of “where are you?” it is “where are you at?”. It is a way of speaking that I don’t hear all that often, and when I do hear it, it is usually said with a badly executed rapper accent “Yo, where you at?”. So the fact that all the characters use it as if it was standard is annoying.

          • Anonymous

            So I gave blood yesterday. Looking at the blood bags I couldn’t help but
            think of the blood bank the vamps in this series gets their blood from. I
            also thought of that Bon Iver song, Blood Bank. Then when I felt tired and
            a little out of it afterwards, I don’t bounce back like I used to, I thought
            there is no way I would let a vamp have as much blood as he wants, no matter
            how good it felt during. Those vamp whores are crazy.

  • natteringyeahrobber

    Awesome breakdown Moon & UC. Glad you guys noticed the Vitamin R next to Charlie. But I wonder – do you think he opened it before or after the invite (cannot remember if it was covered in the book). Or maybe he just always has one at the ready for any piece of news – lost cats, shortage of traffic cones, girl scout cookie fraud, jessica leaving town to go to another college, etc… He was the only one in the whole trailer with the proper reaction. Aro looks too giddy, Renee is too smirky, Jacob shoulda seen it coming. But Charlie – he drinks and looks out the window, as if he knows the only possible outcome is demon baby.

    Also, i don’t think the invite to Aro was postmarked. Maybe there is special vampire rate postage or something? Also, I think it should have been addressed to Current Occupant, would have been even more impersonal, and maybe would hint at a future overthrow. Aro would like that sort of passive agressive addressing.

    • Stacey

      Renee waving that invite at Phil like she was saying, “You are buying me a new slutty dress for my baby’s wedding!”

      Then she tries to pick up the Ice Truck Killer…I mean Eleazar.

      • Anonymous

        DO you think Condon fully realised the anticipation surrounding Renee’s mother-of-the-bride outfit? Did Alice provide it?Dammit, BD is going to have to be standard toilet reading for next few months (second-hand bookstore copy of course, friend still has my good set grrrr).

    • TeamSeth

      Sometimes they send invites in a clean envelope inside the mailer envelope, so perhaps the guard opens all mail first in case of anthrax?

  • blackgirltwihard

    -quickie with newton ——-FN Hilarious!
    - can we start a cute khaki capri monetary collection for Renee!!! gah!!! I hope Alice ‘sprung’ to Florida with outfit in hand & gave her the “lookahere heffa, you not rolling up in my wedding looking a mess” speech – I know people who have done that;o)
    - but on a more serious note it was sort of emotional just thinking about the evolution of the two of them espcially the bathroom/preggers scene 
    #damnIstillloveit
     

    • operarose

      Oh I hear you. As much as I didn’t want to be emotional, you’re right that it was towards the end. At the end of the day, no matter how it’s told, how it’s acted, how much we like to rip into it (we are conflicted), and how bizarre it may be… it’s a completely intriguing story, and it brings out all the emotion.

      Speaking of wardrobe choices, was anyone bothered by the grey pajama shorts Bella was wearing? I know, I know. They were in character for her. But seriously, girlfriend, you are on your honeymoon with Edward. He broke a headboard (and window and wall?!) for you. On a gorgeous tropical Island. I don’t expect a neglige from you but least make them grey *satin* shorts.

      • Anonymous

        Alice did pick out all of Bella’s clothes for the honeymoon, correct? There is no frickin way Alice would have packed those shorts for here. Maybe she purchased them at the outdoor market next to the street danacing.

        • Anonymous

          And Edward would have been able to read the stall holders mind thus knowing not to pay a cent over $2.99. I bet she bought a pair for each day of week now that she’s rich.

      • natteringyeahrobber

        I’m sure Edward had to run out and buy those for her since he ripped all her other clothes. She probably gave him specific instructions to buy red satin boyshorts but when he went to the Isle Esme Target, he got all caught up in the technology device aisle. Probably spent 20 minutes just looking at sporty new iPhone cases. At the checkout counter he probably realized he forgot all about the red satin shorts…so he did one of his super-fast sprints and picked up the first pair of size XS shorts he could find. Bella: I told you red satin boyshorts. Why was that so hard?
        Edward: Look at my new polka dot neoprene iPhone cover! It even has a crossbody strap, or I can wear it on my belt. I love it when I have options.
        Bella: I’m pregant. I guess if I sent you out for a pregnancy kit,  you’ll come back with the Northern Exposure box set, though, so I’ll just call the concierge.

        • Anonymous

          Nat. Love. No hotel on Isle Esme. It’s a private island with a private home. They ship in the pyromaniacs from the mainland.

          • natteringyeahrobber

            Per the TwilightSagaWiki, Isle Esme has an “an indigenous population” of pyros. Meaning that they will escape arson prosecution because the Isle Esme Criminal Court is staffed by pyros too. No one goes down for arson on IE. In fact, the best arsonists are all judges. Not to mention jury and executioners.

            The indigenous pop probably spent their entire lives just waiting to burn down the Esme “cottage.” Cottage, my ass. Have you seen the photo of said “cottage”? It’s one of those scams. Carlisle got a brochure in the mail, promising his own private cottage timeshare on a secluded island. Only $200 grand. Seemed like it was a good idea at the time, plus he needed to get Esme off his back about working too much and never taking a vacation. But the “cottage” actually some dumpy former storage room off to the side of the Best Western IE, and is totally not secluded. Not even up to building code – why do you think it was so easy for Edward to tear the walls down? And there is not even a view of the beach, you need to pay $60 for brunch at the hotel’s dining room to get a view of the beach. At least maid service is included though.

            The indigenous population wants to burn it down so they can use the space for a ritual firepit, just as it was used 700 years ago. Stupid Esme and Carlisle refuse to give it back to the locals. They paid $200K, they get to keep it. Stupid entitled capitalist vampires! Little do they know how their greed will lead to the island’s biggest bonfire yet!

          • Anonymous

            You know you have a career in fanfiction, don’t you?  It’s all in the little background details.

          • Anonymous

            I wonder if the indigenous population are also the crazies who, when Breaking Dawn (book) was first released, started a campaign to burn Breaking Dawn. Which may or may not have been responsible for SMeyer getting burnt out (no pun intended) on the Twi-series thanks to their devilish ways. Eureka!… Suddenly it’s all starting to make sense…!

          • natteringyeahrobber

            Per the TwilightSagaWiki, Isle Esme has an “an indigenous population” of pyros. Meaning that they will escape arson prosecution because the Isle Esme Criminal Court is staffed by pyros too. No one goes down for arson on IE. In fact, the best arsonists are all judges. Not to mention jury and executioners.

            The indigenous pop probably spent their entire lives just waiting to burn down the Esme “cottage.” Cottage, my ass. Have you seen the photo of said “cottage”? It’s one of those scams. Carlisle got a brochure in the mail, promising his own private cottage timeshare on a secluded island. Only $200 grand. Seemed like it was a good idea at the time, plus he needed to get Esme off his back about working too much and never taking a vacation. But the “cottage” actually some dumpy former storage room off to the side of the Best Western IE, and is totally not secluded. Not even up to building code – why do you think it was so easy for Edward to tear the walls down? And there is not even a view of the beach, you need to pay $60 for brunch at the hotel’s dining room to get a view of the beach. At least maid service is included though.

            The indigenous population wants to burn it down so they can use the space for a ritual firepit, just as it was used 700 years ago. Stupid Esme and Carlisle refuse to give it back to the locals. They paid $200K, they get to keep it. Stupid entitled capitalist vampires! Little do they know how their greed will lead to the island’s biggest bonfire yet!

          • Anonymous

            I’m sure they have Rosario on speed-dial.

      • TeamSeth

        Nothing else would fit, duh! Like Regina in Mean Girls. Bella does NOT get to sit at the cool table in those sweats.

        I was less emotional and more mad at the trailer because my fiance doesn’t know she gets pregnant and I wanted that to remain a surprise.  Oh well.  Guess the vamp baby’s outta the bag.

      • MariaCecilia

        Maybe she borrowed Edward’s underwear to be extra super sexy in?

    • Moon

      #damnIstillloveit

      thats pretty much how i felt too. dang it! the love is still there!

      • MariaCecilia

        Yes, I was surprised how enthusiastic I felt watching the whole thing: *sigh* I guess I am in no way over this strange crush yet…but on a brighter note, I might  actually enjoy my eleven nights watching BD instead of just going compulsively! Hah! Fooled you, Summit!

    • TeamSeth

      “”lookahere heffa, you not rolling up in my wedding looking a mess” speech – I know people who have done that”

      HAHAHAHA!  Such win.  Oh Florida.

  • Anonymous

    Beller and Cedric forever! (I’ll be off to comfort poor, gratuitously shirtless Jacob now…)
    May I just compliment MTV on their intelligence on showing the BD clip as the very last thing on the show? It was pretty much the only reason I was watching. Also, who on earth thought that allowing Rob to “ad lib” (my guess: speech not turned in on time) on live television was a good plan?

    • Anonymous

      ‘May I just compliment MTV on their intelligence on showing the BD clip as the very last thing on the show?’ I know right.  I figured that out about half way through.  But the whole ‘ad lib’ and ‘and now your pregnant’ bit was worth it.

      • Anonymous

        I guarantee they had higher ratings during the rest of the show because of all the twi-tweens being kept on the edge of their seat by the promise of the upcoming clip at EVERY commercial break. But (mostly) a good time was had by all.

      • Anonymous

        Kristen’s expression after ‘and now you’re pregnant’ made my night. See, she does have a social appropriateness threshold. Ron however….kind of reminded me of Basil Fawlty and just doesn’t know when to shut up. Loved every cringeworthy moment.

        Also loved how he looked to be gathering his courage as he ran to kiss Taylor, what a brave soldier and all to entertain us.

        • Anonymous

          *snortlaugh* Basil Fawlty…

        • Anonymous

          I thought it was funny how the ‘kiss’ was followed by a kiss on the head and
          then the hand. Like the mouth (?) wasn’t enough and he needed more. I know
          Kristen and Rob where in on the joke, but do you think Taylor was?

          • Anonymous

            Hard to tell unless a camera caught him spritzing his breath as Rob ran down.

  • stillsorobsessed

    Laughed through your whole breakdown. Thanks!!

  • Anonymous

    It would have been funny to hear the direction during the pregnant tummy bloat scene rehearsal. Okay Kristen, push your stomach out…..mmm…..more….a little more……don’t be shy about passing gas, push…..arch your back a little……..okay this isn’t working…push your hands against the sides while pushing….there we go.

    • natteringyeahrobber

      Lolz. Can you imagine Rob’s direction for the window/headboard breaking scene though? “Grab this piece of wood Rob, grab it hard, both hands, rip it out of the wall, and thrust. Thrust like you are a wrecking ball and Bella’s the Swan House on the Fork’s set.” Wonder how many pieces of wood they had to go through (TWSS!) before they got that scene right.

  • Kaybeevee

    If I were Renee and had found out my 18 year old was getting married, I would have been jumping into the ocean, not happily running into the house all giddy like. But it is Renee, maybe she had a foreshadowing of the AWESOME baby name her daughter was going to come up with (please don’t ask me to spell it).

    • Moon

       she needs to be fashioning a noose out of those short jorts instead of shashaying down the cgi walkway.

      • Anonymous

        Moon stop picking on the shorts..us old folks CAN still wear them yeah know (course I never leave the back yard but still)…MISSED YOU TONS :) Puppies are keeping me VERY busy..they get even more adorable every day!! HUGS!

        Side note tho..shorts or no shorts, I would be thinking murderous thoughts and ways to get her out of the country if my 18yr old suddenly sent me an invite to her wedding, not skipping up the walkway..maybe she was actually just in a hurry to RSVP that they COULDN’T make it to the wedding be the “great Mom” we know her to be!

      • Anonymous

        The cgi walkway! That scene looked so fake. I’ve never seen Az look so…I don’t know beachy.

        • Kaybeevee

          Isn’t Renee still in Jacksonville though?

          • TeamSeth

            Yes. The only issue with that scene, for me having grown up in Florida w/ grandparents living near Jax Beach, is that the water at that part of the Atlantic is always a gray, never blue.  Otherwise it looks fine, possibly a little too northern.

          • Anonymous

            Aww, crap! Twi fail!! Thanks for the reminder :)

  • Anonymous

    I posted this True Life conversation on Facebook after watching the MTV Awards:
    Me: No, seriously it was great. Robert Pattinson said the craziest shit. It was like he couldn’t help himself.Him(exasperated, confused, befuddled): Why do you like him so much?!Me: Because if I were a famous superstar, don’t you think I would be a giant nerdball and say idiot things all the time?Him: Well, yes. Yes you would.

    • Anonymous

      It’s true. When I try not to say idiot things, people start thinking I’m quiet and shy, because the only way to do it successfully is to pretty much not speak. And that is not sustainable.

      • Anonymous

        Exactly. I used to be really quiet and shy, but I eventually had to speak word out loud to people, and would inevitably say something really stupid and weird. So (you may have noticed) I just stopped worrying about it and, well, occasionally I will talk about impregnanting someone through their severed neck-hole, but that would have happened anyway.

    • Anonymous

      It’s true. When I try not to say idiot things, people start thinking I’m quiet and shy, because the only way to do it successfully is to pretty much not speak. And that is not sustainable.

  • eclipse22

    thanks for the laugh, after screaming and hyperventilating watching the trailer, i came straight here for your take on it, i couldnt stop giggling hysterically every other line reading too funny , to the point i got tears in my eyes from laughing so much! great day between trailer and your break down i’m in such a good mood!

  • operarose

    Just watched the trailer for the 6th time (I know, I know, I’m behind) before returning to work. Bottom line I think it’s “classic Twilight” (somewhat cringeworthy but we LOVE it) and THANK YOU all for being here to share it with. I don’t know how I’d survive watching it without commenting/reading comments on it here at LTT afterwards. I fear without you all I’d be a sad, unkempt closeted Twihard, only coming out for air once in a while when something like this was released and to expend my bottled-up Twihardness I’d go on a one-day binge of making youtube video reactions to the trailer that would subsequently destroy my image and shame my offspring for decades to come.

    As a side note, why has no one mentioned that even the cheese grater made it into the trailer? cheese grater, headboard, Charlie, Stephenie Meyer, Renee, everyone was there! Except Mike and Eric. Oh, Mike and Eric. Always getting sidelined by Edward and Jacob and the cheese grater ring. And headboards.

    • Stacey

      I needed some puffy Mike and Eric’s Flock of seagull haircut. Also finally adding Ben into the script. You know the little things.

      Plus, I keep watching the trailer and getting excited because I love it yet I am also soooo embarassed by it.

      • Anonymous

        I thought I got a glimpse of Newton but now thinking about it he was on the groom’s side. There’s no way that would happen. Must watch again!

        • Anonymous

          Did some research on Robsessed (didn’t get too distracted!) and I think Newton is on the bride’s side near the aisle closer to the front. No Angela or Eric from what I see, or Jess, wthale!

          ANd I don’t see hoodie guy. Possibly I guy wearing a blue sweatervest with a girl with dark hair behind him to look like a hoodie?

          • Anonymous

            that’s just sour grapes on the part of Jessica! That, or she realized once she was nominated for the Oscar that her professional aspirations didn’t quite mesh well with the Twi saga.

          • Anonymous

            Well then I hope that brought in Lauren at last.

          • TeamSeth

            Maybe Tyler Crowley’s back!

          • Anonymous

            YES!

    • Anonymous

      I think that pretty much sums us up in a nutshell: “somewhat cringeworthy but we LOVE it”
      That’s just how awesome we are! :)

      • Anonymous

        I was tweeting last night and said something like: Loving Twilight is like being in love with a person- you love it despite its glaringly obvious flaws. 

        I think it’s the most succinct thing I have ever said. Thanks, gin and tonic!

        • Stacey

          Gin and Tonic always brings out those good observations. (And for me, also a lot of inappropriate giggling)

  • Stacey

    Is it just me or shouldn’t Michael Sheen just have narrated the trailer? In Aro’s voice. I mean he’s reading aloud fanfiction, he could do trailer narration as well.

    • TeamSeth

      “In a world where you’re cordially invited to a vampire human wedding that will result in a strange creature that is both living and dead…”

  • Stella

    omg i am so embarrassed for myself at how giddy i am over all this hoopla!  i haven’t even seen the trailer yet, recorded mtv awards can’t get there til tonight.  i saw one minute of it, the part where rob was doing his “ad lib” toast to reece witherspoon, so rob, so hilarious!!  something about southern girls and girdles…and silence from the audience!  awkward!  on an unrelated note…it is june 6 and it is still snowing at my house!  wtf?!  is it this strange where you are at……

    • Anonymous

      It may have been the fact that Rob said “gurgles” and not “girdles” that had everyone sitting there going WTF? Plus no one in the MTV age demographic knows what a girdle is.
      It’s raining here.  Not supposed to happen in June.

    • MariaCecilia

      I just came home after a sweltering hot summer day, everything’s in bloom, and I am feeling the love, because this is just like June 2009 when I read the whole Twilight saga in a summer meadow and fell irrevocably in love with Edward and all the rest of it..flash backs! In a good way…

  • Anonymous

    “that might be sacrilegious to say.. but it kinda had a religious look to it… on my first look” 
    See, if the church I had gone to when I was younger had shown this clip during vacation bible school when they tried to inform all us tweens how important it was to ‘wait for marriage’, I may have been more sold on the idea.

    • Anonymous

      Yeah.  Hallelujah, I’m saved, baby!

    • operarose

      Amen.

  • Anonymous

    After I got back the greatness of the honeymoon clips, did I see one with Edward throwing Jacob up against the wall, smashing into a picture?  Was the past honeymoon maybe?

    • Anonymous

      That seemed bizarre too. I bet SM’s commentary would be: “now I’m not really liking this because Jacob would have gone through the wall and died. Edward was just way to fierce about it”

      • Anonymous

        Wow, I think you SM’s thought process down.

      • TeamSeth

        Really? Cuz I thought wolves could withstand such force? Their teeth CAN bite through vampire skin…

        Oh, did you mean the wall wouldn’t be able to withstand the force? Crap. Now I’m thinking about how hot that would be if the wall broke and Edward continued through the now open ground, sparkling as he attempted to crush Jacob’s skull.

        • TeamSeth

          Oh, I forgot to put in there that they’d then start making out lying in the drywall rubble.  It’s like MTV awards taken to the next level…

        • Anonymous

          In the Eclipse comm SM mentions that Ed put his hand on J’s shoulder with so much anger it  would have ripped his arm off.

          Yeah, it could heal but it might take a while.

    • Bubs

      Yeah, what’s with Jacob being thrown into a picture/wall ? I keep pausing on that one and it doesn’t seem to be Edward doing it [although the shirt does look like his]. Considering that’s not in the book [only threats by Edward] what’s Melissa Rosenberg and Summit up to ???? Got to admit, shirtless Jacob n Edward [love that back shot Rob] makes it worth seeing the Movie, despite whatever else is shown…..

      • Anonymous

        Seriously, do you think the back shot is a double? Even if it is, we can
        pretend it isn’t.

  • sweetinator88

    ooh ooh! look at the ring in the non-existent-belly-fat picture! it’s not the horrible one that he proposed to her with yay

    • Anonymous

      I noticed that too. I guess it’s her wedding ring as opposed to her engagement ring.

      • sweetinator88

        well that’s good! but why in the world would you get an engagement ring that horrible?
        summit…. i can’t even…

    • TeamSeth

      Yay I said that too before reading this! :)  Such excitement!

  • Anonymous

    Wow! I’m excited! I’ve been feeling very meh the past couple months, but after watching Rifftrax Eclipse last week (and may I just say that I’m convinced those guys have stopped here to pick up material) and now this trailer, I’m excited again. My only other thoughts at this point are as follows:
    - I’m really excited to see the dress. I think it will be good, because wow, that scene where everyone stands, looks amazing. I think the crew is trying to make up for the shiteous ring by making the rest of the wedding beautiful. Finally something Alice worthy!
    - What the frak did they do to Charlie Bewely’s hair?!?!? Why does he suddenly have a crew cut with faux hawk?! I mean I know he’s sorta a soldier for the Volturi, but come on! He had perfect hair for his character before!! Damn you Summit for messing with hair, yet again!

    • TeamSeth

      Sigh. Bewley’s hair.  :’(

  • Anonymous

    I got up early this morning to watch my DVR version (I suspect hubby had something to do with the original mysteriously “not” recording) Anywho, tots agree with everything you ladies say…
    BTdubs – NO MENTION OF NICKI REEDS ENGAGEMENT!  ladies…

  • Anonymous

    OMG, the headboard!!!

    DEAD.

  • Anonymous

    moon and uc: thank you once again for making coffee spray out of my nose…thank you for writing things that remind me I am not alone in my strange obsession of twilight…it is so incredible to know that, to count on the fact that you will break things down…thank you thank you
    eternally grateful…..

  • oh werd?

    LOL at Billy’s potential SPLAT scene. Hallelujah for ripply Edward and ripped-shirt Jacob (sorry, it just never gets old for me). Damn Bella and her flat pregnant tummy and damn Edward for looking like Diggory and dammit Charlie, you’re just cool all the damn time.

    Five bucks says Beller gets no bruises and they never fight over sex. You can kinda tell it from the trailer and you just know Summit would leave something that big out. Damn Summit too. SM will freak in the commentary. Oh well. Looking forward to it nonetheless. Damn it.

    • Anonymous

      There are so many things to worry about still. I have been wondering for a while how they will tastefully do the bruising…remember, she has a bruise on her Face. Yes, he caressed her pretty, pretty face hard enough to bruise. You know, and I know, that that’s hotness, WE get that in context it’s cool and E should just chill, Beller likes it a bit rough, nothing to worry about, but The Others…The Others just won’t understand….

      • Anonymous

        and The Others will be all: Oh Great! Now young girls will think it’s okay for men to hit them! Damn you Twilight!

        Yes, because that’s how that works, right? Remember how, when you were a kid, you watched Bugs Bunny and then started dropping anvils all over the place? After watching Buffy I would just go out and start staking people, and lusting after broody idiots (oh wait, that part is true, but that is more of a general disposition of mine.)

        • Anonymous

          Or, as pointed out below, placing fluttery curtains near lit candles. Am surprised Eds didn’t dip Bells in fire retardant first.

          • Anonymous

            well shit. now there are going to be So! Many! Fires! Nice going, Summit. I hope you are happy. They will call it the Great Cherry-Popping Fire Epidemic of 2011.

          • Kaybeevee

            “Cherry Popping Fire of 2011!!!!”

            I spit coffee.

            Maybe the brazilian maid that hates Edward set up the candles to sabotage things.

            Will the scared barazilian maid make it to BD? She should be played by Rosario from Will and Grace and REALLY give E the stink eye…

          • Anonymous

            You totally read my mind! She was busting to torch the whole island. Brasilian stink eye 2011!

          • Anonymous

            New FanFic idea: Brazilian maid as deranged pyromaniac. “She was just looking for an excuse…an excuse to unleash the lovely, all-consuming fire that burned within her. Fire! Fire! Burn, my pretty…burn…..”

          • Kaybeevee

            Omg, perfect.

            I could see her walking away from the Brazilian villa as it explodes in a massive fireball.

          • Anonymous

            Ed would be burned to ash but I assume he would be reconstituted with water when the tide comes in.

          • Anonymous

            Instant Vampire! Just add water!

          • Anonymous

            Free water shoes included.

          • Anonymous

            Ooooh! – second counsin of Mr Rochesters crazy wife?!? It can only end badly, for her.

          • Anonymous

            This theory of a pyromaniac loose on Isle Esme totally fits with the other pics we’ve seen of Breaking Dawn. Remember back when a few set photos first came out, there was one with little Pier 1 imports “fire cages” (candleholders?) littered all over the beach. Which subsequently spawned this “interesting” piece of art, which among other things depicts the caged fire propagating little baby fires. Surely the charm work of Rosar-I mean, the Brazilian maid.

          • Anonymous

            Forgot the link, this is the art: http://www.regretsy.com/2011/04/11/twilight-zone/

          • Anonymous

            Oh. Not entirely sure I needed to see that. But yes it is all coming together, nice work Condon.

          • Anonymous

            Only 8 dollars!  What a steal.

          • Anonymous

            OMG yes. I forgot about those.

            E, walking down the beach: “OMG I totally hope I don’t rip the love of my existence to tiny little shreds in my cherry popping ecstasy…okay, breathe, think of baseball…Hey! Who put these dangerously wobbly fire cages out here? And why is there a line of accelerant that leads back to the house? Must remember to dip Bells in fire retardant before the sex…ooooh sex…mmmm….(Homer Simpson drool noise)”

          • Anonymous

            I am now way past fanfic, need movie of Brasilian Maid’s story please Summit.

          • Kaybeevee

            Or Arnold’s baby mama could play said brazilian maid!

            http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ller4oIuPY1qdci9xo1_r1_500.jpg

            Is that mean?

  • Anonymous

    Screeching halt 2 seconds into the vid…  How are you guys not represented here?  

  • Anonymous

    or swiped them from the Brazilian maid? (Who let her have them, since she felt bad for Bella, who was being used by a vampire).

    • Anonymous

      Brasilian maid should be giving parenting lessons to Charlie & Renee. You can just tell her daughters are tucked up in bed nice and safe from vampiric sperm.

  • Anonymous
  • TeamSeth

    In the preggers pic, look at her ring.  Where did that ring come from?  It hints at being so… so… tasteful.

  • GeminiGypsy

    bahaha, your post was hilarious!  I’m excited for the movie, even though it’s been wayyy too long of a wait for november. One thing I noticed, was when she was checking her non-existent belly-bump, her ring was different. Now don’t get me wrong- her original ring was way too crazy for what I imagined from the book. But he doesn’t give her another ring! So did she just decide, oh hey I don’t want to mess up the ring or loose it so I’ll wear this smaller one? :P

  • Anonymous

    AWESOME JOB!  Vanity Fair Break Downs never disappoint!

    “All By Myself” – Seriously, you can hear that song playing when you see Charlie sitting there.
    “Wolf-shaped confetti that is Edwards idea” – Now we don’t see him when he opens that envelope.  Perhaps that is what makes Jake run out of the house and go all wolf.  Stephanie really should have consulted with you guys on some key details to add to the film.  This one would have been great!
    “Edward looks, Oh shit that can’t be mine.” – Brilliant!
    “…shouldn’t Carlilse be telling everyone to wrap that shit up?!!” – Yes that was very irresponsible of Carlilse.  Alice should get a little bit of the blame here too.  She did pack the suitcases after all.  I agree that MTV should have run a PSA about safe sex after showing this or did they opt for an ad for “16 and Pregnant” instead since they are more about the reality shows instead of music now-a-days.

    Thanks again ladies!  You started my morning with a laugh.  I am off to share the “wolf shaped” confetti comment with friends now.  I’m still giggling over that one.

Creative Commons License


This work is licensed under a Creative Commons
Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0
United States License
.

LTT Privacy Policy



Sponsored by