For Your Consideration… Twilight Fan Fic dramatic reading posibilities

Dear LTT-ers,

They’re at it again, first Michael Sheen had his way with Unexpected Circumstance and now VH1 has Elizabeth Reaser reading from A Pair of Emerald Earrings. If we had access to these cast members and had no shame and no embarrassment we’d totally ask them to do the same thing. Who cares about their new movie or some dumb story from the set of Breaking Dawn about how Rob really loves fruity pebbles that we’ll hear a billion times, I wanna hear the cast of Twilight saying things like spank and hot and maybe do a little heavy breathing. It’s called method people, DO IT.

Watching this is giving me Vietnam style flashbacks from when UC and I tried to do a dramatic reading of Tara Sue Me’s The Dom and I scared myself so much with the Lucifer meets 10 packs a day chain smoker voice I created for “Domward” that I thought I was gonna flog myself at one point just for flubbing my own lines. Thank god this has never seen the light of day. Also my vocal chords have never recovered.

Since VH1 seems to be doing the Lord’s work and because we love Kate,  I have a few requests for their next Twi-star reads fanfic edition…

For Your Consideration…

Domward, Darkward, Blissward, Fightward, Tattward... yup, these all sound like me!

Robert Pattinson reading… The Office – I think he’d really get into the ripping and being called the “Beautiful Bastard”

Kristen Stewart reading… The Sub – Maybe next time UC and I attempt to tackle this one Kristen can  join in… we just want to hear her read THE part… you know the one.

Runner up – KStew reading Wide Awake where she talks about “Unicorns.” Yup.

2nd Runner Up – Clipped Wings and Inked Armour

Jackson Rathbone reading… pretty much anything as long as he does it out of the side of his mouth in that weird affected country voice he’s conjured up for himself. But since the Jasper FF fanatics seem to prefer him in a slash situation,  may we suggest “Tight End” for the sole reason that I (and some friends) NEED to hear him say “I meant what I said in that text…” And maybe a “welcome to Rathbonia!!” thrown in for good measure.

Ha, we know what you're REALLY reading

Kellan Lutz reading….Volition since we think he probably can’t do an Irish accent and it’d be awesome to hear him try (and fail) to be sexy.

Taylor Lautner reading… Any Edward/Jacob slash pairing because the whole time they could just intercut the clip of Rob kissing Taylor at the MTV Movie Awards. Presto 8 zillion views!

Peter Facinelli reading… Emancipation Proclamation. Peter as the mafioso Dad with the human trafficking? Cue the tears. Or for the more… “adventurous” reader how about HB: CEO of Skeky Flies the Friendly Skies? Carlisle in a menage a trois with Bella and Rosalie then Bella find outs Carlisle is her dad’s boyf? AWKWARD!!

And with Chaske Spencer’s Barry White-esque voice he could read anything… so maybe find some weird Billy/Charlie/Sue fetish stuff. That’d be awesome.

As exciting as our misguided attempt to read The Dom was, these dramatic readings by actual cast members is SO beyond classic I can’t even. If I had the power and connections, I’d have the cast members tackle dramatic readings of Tweets next… HINT HINT. I have a folder over flowing with the best and most embarrassing VH1, hit me up you know the addy!

TGIF and a beautiful bastard for everyone!
Themoonisdown

This post was only possible with liberal amounts of help from BrookeLockart, TXLiLi, VixinCali, VeddersGirl because I know about like 3 of these fics… and according to BL they’re “way old.” THANKS!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

 

  • http://www.talksupe.wordpress.com snowwhitedrifted

    Oh, it’s like a beginners guide to fanfic!!

    It’s like in high school when they give you the summer reading list and you see all the classics listed on one page.

    I’m more ashamed to say that I haven’t read any of the FF’s mentioned, than I haven’t read most of the true literary classics. I have to get cracking. Sure, i havent read Pride and Prejudice, but i have read all of the Fever Confessions of a Shopaholic books. And sorry, Mark Twain, I think I need to read dirty talkin’ slashy Jasper first. Unless Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn…. Nevermind.

    • Anonymous

      Love Sophie Kinsella!! My favorite of hers is Twenties Girl…great read!

      • Bubs

        My favourite Sophie K. was The Undomestic Godess [laughed out loud with tears in my eyes over that one]. My fave. Shopaholic one was Shopaholic & Sister but despite all those….. they’re no Twilights.

        • Anonymous

          Undomestic was my fave until Twentie’s Girl came out! I just loved Nathaniel and that garden scene… But yes, it’s no Twilight! Do you read a lot of British Chick Lit? I also recommend Gemma Burgess’ Dating Detox, it’s hilarious!

          • Bubs

            Only the classic Chick Lit. [Austen/Bronte's]. I only found out about Sophie K from my daughter who lived and worked in London [for a Law Firm] for 6 years – hence my appreciation for “Undomestic”. Yeah the garden scene…she does get her characters into unbelievably funny situations. 
            Thanks, I’ll try Gemma Burgess, actually looking at all the recommendations from everyone above, I could be expanding my library quite a bit. It might help get me off my Twi addiction [not that I want to get off it really], reading them on a loop continually even has me worried !!!

    • MariaCecilia

      Summer reading list! Epic win! Now I know what do to with my summer vacation! (As if I didn’t plan on living on the Internet already once I get off work  – who am I kidding?)

    • TeamSeth

      Oh my.  Huck Finn is my favoritest book ever!

      But… you def. should read P&P, it enhances all subsequent movie viewings by a lot.

    • Bubs

      I tried to read the original “Old English” version of P&P again last year. Each time I do, I want to “correct” Jane Austen spelling [yeah, I know that's how things were spelled then], I find it so distracting !!! I prefer to watch the BBC 1995 TV version with Colin Firth and Jennifer Ehle….the “original” Edward and Bella. So “well acted”.  

    • operarose

      Don’t be ashamed. I can relate, because I haven’t really read NEARLY as many classics as I should have or even seem to have (thank you, Wishbone, the dog on PBS who gave me the abridged versions back in the 90s), and feel extremely guilty as a result.

      It’s hard to connect to a lot of the classics. If you do want to approach some, I think that the most timeless ones that are easiest to get into are Jane Austen (Pride and Prejudice IS good… so is Sense & Sensibility, so if you read any Jane Austen, make it those). Anna Karenina is good, but you have to be patient, Tolstoy is a wordy man. If you have never read Anne of Green Gables or even Laura Ingalls Wilder (they’re put in the kids’ section, but I really love some of the later ones – These Happy Golden Years, for instance – as an adult), do yourself a favor.

      I liked Tom and Huck as a 6th grader (no idea why…I was an odd 6th grader. And there was no good YA lit back in the 90s) but I can’t imagine getting into them as an adult. At Bella and Edward’s request, I gave Wuthering Heights a 2nd try but … oy…had such a hard time with that one.  I also love Jane Eyre…as a movie. The book was painful.

      I’ve also been trying to read modern classics. I highly recommend Carlos Luis Zafron’s Shadow of the Wind…so good and easy to get into. And holds lots of literary weight, so you’ll feel good about having read it. The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver is also highly regarded AND very good. I’ve been trying really hard to read Isabel Allende since I am moving to Chile for a few months and she’s an extremely important author and figure there, but am struggling with her. Girlfriend is complicated.

      At the end of the day, though, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with simply loving to read whatever. Jane Austen was seen as a silly “chick lit” author back in her day and look how highly we regard her nowadays. So, you never know what will hold weight in the future. And I know that nothing will ever speak to me the same way as Harry Potter or (gulp) Twilight or now Outlander have… but life is short and so we have allow ourself to read those books too, no?! 

      /end dissertation on summer reading.

      • TeamSeth

        Here here! (raises mimosa up)  I also suggest for the most modern of them all, from this century no less, Middlesex by Jeffery Eugenides.  It’s really good, but you can’t “fly” through it like Twi or HP.  But, I did have moments while reading that I just stopped and reread a sentence because it was so beautifully written.  The story is fascinating though. Highly recommended!

        • operarose

          thanks for the recommendation! 

      • Anonymous

        Yay Wishbone! Also, I am now completely addicted to the Outlander series and stayed up ridiculously late last night finishing book two. Some one on here mentioned them (possibly you?) and there went my life. 

        • operarose

          It wasn’t me who mentioned it originally – I think that was snowwhitedrifted – but like you, I picked it up right after those comments here a few weeks ago and I’ve been staying up til unreasonable hours ever since. Was up til 4 am last night reading the beginning of the 3rd. Highland Scots are my life now…

          Do you have Twitter so we can squeal more on the topic together? (or if you are already on my follow list on Twitter – I’m sorry – sometimes I’m not sure who’s who on Twitter vs. LTT! We need a guide to the different handles here vs. names there)

        • operarose

          It wasn’t me who mentioned it originally – I think that was snowwhitedrifted – but like you, I picked it up right after those comments here a few weeks ago and I’ve been staying up til unreasonable hours ever since. Was up til 4 am last night reading the beginning of the 3rd. Highland Scots are my life now…

          Do you have Twitter so we can squeal more on the topic together? (or if you are already on my follow list on Twitter – I’m sorry – sometimes I’m not sure who’s who on Twitter vs. LTT! We need a guide to the different handles here vs. names there)

  • MariaCecilia

    Oh this is SUCH a relevant post, and now I realise this is a field of enquiry I haven’t delved into yet! Now I must go back and re-read all my old favourites and decide whom should read what…
    I guess it would be hard to get Rob to read ANYTHING without giggling, though, and hard to get Kristen to read stuff without swallowing her lines..oh, well, I’ll take it anyway. Can we have them yelling at each other when Bella goes back in time and meets macho Edward in 1918 in Beyond Time, pleeease..? I think they would both actually enjoy that!

  • Anonymous

    I have been waiting for this breakdown all week! I really did love it even if she did creep me out a little.

    The day Rob reads any ff will be amazing, I’m sure!

    Haven’t read any of these, guess there’s more on my list that I may never get to.

  • Anonymous

    They need to make a cheater code for Kindles like there are for video games. If I could sit and play blocks on the floor with the kids while also reading Fanfic on the Kindle my life would be measurably more enjoyable. As it is I spend enough time at the computer, I can’t get away with any more. Build doomed tower, read 2-5 pages, repeat.

  • http://twitter.com/KatieShh Katie

    YES!  One change… I’d like to hear Rob read CWAIA.  All that angst, lust, and cursing?  Come on now.

    This letter was @janetrigs:twitter idea, wasn’t it?

    • Keisha

      We’ll just tell him it’s a story about cupcakes. Shhhh! 

  • Anonymous

    I don’t know any of these either. And I prefer Subward to Domward… but YES to the Jacksper slash! What is it about him? 

  • Anonymous

    I cannot find this clip anywhere. Not YouTube, not the VH1 site. I guess I’ll have to wait a week or two before it actually gets to YouTube.

  • natteringyeahrobber

    Wow, that Bad Teacher movie (preview before Reaser) looks almost as bad as the K. Lutz movie. And although it doesn’t have someone getting hit in the nuts with a tennis ball, it does have a nerdy looking kid getting hit in the face with a dodge ball, which is more or less the PG-13 equivalent. And the cutting the school bus off is more or less the equivalent of the runaway baby carriage headed for the nuclear reactor. But. It does have Jason Segal. Who does not have ripped abs, but to me is hotter than K. Lutz. But I guess we are supposed to be talking fanfic.
     
    I don’t know, at this point, if Michael Sheen isn’t reading, I’m not listening.

    • nocoolname

      Yes – Jason Segal over Kellan.  Agreed.  I feel like it might be fun to talk to Jason Segal, while it would probably be just sort of cringe-inducing to have a chat with Kellan.

      • Twilight Moonlighter

        I’ve interviewed a lot of people, but Kellan is one of the best. He’s a blast to chat with- totally the guy you’d want to hang out with & have a beer. So comfortable in his skin, & very personable.

        • nocoolname

          Really?  I stand corrected.  How cool to talk with him.  Are you a journalist?

        • ladyofthemeadow

          Judging from interviews, he just seems to exude happiness, and that’s one of the reasons I like him. That and the abs.

    • TeamSeth

      Isn’t Justin Timberlake in it?

    • Anonymous

      Bad Teacher also has a Twi referrence in it. Must ALL new movies do this?!

      • ladyofthemeadow

        Yes.

        • Anonymous

          Apparently so. I was watching Katherine Heigel/Josh Duhamel in Life As We Know It and guess what… a Twi referrence! Actually a Swiftner ref! It was kinda funny.

  • Stacey

    I…umm…well…fanfiction…yup…umm…

    I should not actually make any comments concerning this due to being in fanfiction witness protection and well…

    Hey @snowwhitedriftd, you read that…umm…ahh, you know what yet? Michael Sheen might be interested for storytime at fanfiction.net…

    I need to hide in a corner now.

    • MariaCecilia

      ????????

      • Stacey

        I perhaps have written some things and perhaps I have some “enablers”, who spur me on. :0) Then I get embarrassed and try to tell myself that it’s purely an exercise to improve my writing skills. But I really just want the glory of positive reviews.

        • Anonymous

          I would write fan fiction if I had one drib of writing ability. I sooooooooo don’t.
          So, Stacey, keep on, someone has got to do it.

          • Anonymous

            Aww Stacey, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Isn’t there a “real” writer who did fan fic? (I think like Harry Potter or something? I didn’t know fan fic was anything but Star Trek til I found Twi fic….) I think people are just snotty about fics, and should just suck it. :)

            not that there aren’t reeeeally terrible ones out there, because Yes. There. Are. But there are some that are pretty compelling.

          • nocoolname

            Yep – the Mortal Instruments series was written by a former fanfic writer.  Although, quite frankly, I didn’t like her writing much and couldn’t get through the first book.

            And I guess I’ll take this opportunity to do a little shameless self-promotion…actually, I’m pretty ashamed by the whole ff writing thing (I hear you, Stacey!), so it’s not exactly shameless…

            Anyway, what I meant to write is that my ff, Wrenfield Hall, is in the final round of voting for an Avant Garde award in the Best Love Story category.  So, if anyone cares to check it out, it’s at http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6369019/1  and the Avant Garde website is http://www.avantgardeawards.com/. 

            Ugh.  I’m embarrassed I just wrote that.  But anyway, it’s a “safe” ff to read, if you aren’t into the “mature” stuff.  Which, I realize, is one of the biggest reasons for most people to read ff, but anyway.  There it is.

          • Stacey

            I am so excited for you! You are so extremely talented and I adore your story!

          • TeamSeth

            Haha, I already assigned your reader before reading this comment.  You shouldn’t be ashamed, you know you’re a beautiful writer.

          • ladyofthemeadow

            Wow!

            I’m second-hand proud of you!

          • operarose

            Congratulations! And you have a tremendous number of positive reviews to boot. That’s amazing!

        • MariaCecilia

          Sorry! I completely know that you have written Wrenfield Hall – I just forgot, since your penname is different. Love it! I am a total Jane Austen and Brontë nerd – wish I could do what you do…maybe I should try my hand at writing fan fic this summer instead of just reading it, right? Hmm, I bet Edward would make an excellent Mr Darcy or Captain Wentworth or Monsieur Emmanuel (have you read Charlotte Brontës “Villette”? Heartbreaking.)

          • Anonymous

            Actually NCN wrote Wrenfield Hall. Stacey wrote one called Forks. Not that I’ve read either, unfortunately I’m reading the longest FF in history right now but I do remember the titles!! (they are on my to read list, girls!)

          • MariaCecilia

            *blushing* Oh, I beg your pardon, I am apparently terribly confused, but I blame it on the fact that so many LTT ladies are talented and productive, so that I can’t keep track of the exploits of you all! I did read Forks too, though, and found it hilarious, so kudos to you for doing a good job, Stacey! (I am still a nerd about Austen and Brontë, I have to say. Never understood the need to add in the zombies.)

    • http://www.talksupe.wordpress.com snowwhitedrifted

      Shameless plug for @Stacey’s awesome fics!! Romantic comedies and a darker one. I wish real Bella could be Stacey’s Bella! And I girl crush on her Alice. :)
      Emmett is hilarious too!

      • Stacey

        You know you like 1940’s Bella the best, because she’s one tough cookie!

        Seriously, need coffee now! I am getting too silly!

      • nocoolname

        Emmett IS funny in Stacey’s fic!

  • Snuggler

    Hmmmm.. how about Peter F to do ‘Ello Love ….  he’s got the ‘double doctor’ background to pronounce all those medical terms…..

  • Anonymous

    It’s all funny as long as it’s Twilight FanFic and not ones about their “real” lives… Rob or Kristen reading Robsten fanfic is one of the most painful things I can imagine.

    • Anonymous

      a million times agreed.

    • Stacey

      The idea of those Robsten stories creep me out. Do you think Rob ever has nightmares about people writing those? If I were Rob, I certainly would!

    • Snuggler

      I was being facetious about the unmentionable ‘ ‘E L’ ever being read out and don’t worry I’ve poured battery acid in my own brain. Using real names is completely out of order, just vile

    • MariaCecilia

      They never would though. It would clearly be against their “never deny nor admit”-policy. Or should that be their “crickets chirping”-policy? 

  • Anonymous

    I have only read two of the FF’s listed, and while I am curious about the rest, I am already following about 20-30 stories as it is…so I think it is about time I stop searching up new reads. 
    Also I found ‘I scared myself so much with the Lucifer meets 10 packs a day chain smoker voice I created for “Domward”’ especially humorous since whenever I try to mimic others I have the tendency to sound like an 80-year-old chain smoker. So, understandably, my sister is horrified since she is neither elderly nor a chain smoker.  

    • MariaCecilia

      But I wonder WHY this Domward person would have to sound like a chainsmoking Lucifer? It’s not in the script, is it? He’s a perfectly, no strike that, he is a relatively normal business man, isn’t he, not some late night radio host with a drug problem? I’m confused. (Well, that should be obvious by now..LOL)

      • Anonymous

        I suppose the chain smoking Lucifer voice was intended to sound powerful or something to that effect, because I don’t ever recall his voice being described as gravelly and satanic. 
        However, if that is his true voice, imagine in many years time when the the smoking has finally gotten to him and he must use an artificial larynx device in the playroom. *shudder*

  • Anonymous

    I have only read two of the FF’s listed, and while I am curious about the rest, I am already following about 20-30 stories as it is…so I think it is about time I stop searching up new reads. 
    Also I found ‘I scared myself so much with the Lucifer meets 10 packs a day chain smoker voice I created for “Domward”’ especially humorous since whenever I try to mimic others I have the tendency to sound like an 80-year-old chain smoker. So, understandably, my sister is horrified since she is neither elderly nor a chain smoker.  

  • Goteamseth

    I would LOVE to have Dakota Fanning and Billy Burke do The Trip and Charlie Bewley do Wrenfield Hall. His sweet British accent all:

    “We are from different worlds – we both know that. And I recognize
    that a match with you is to my far greater advantage than yours. I know
    there are obstacles to our happiness, and I know that someday soon you
    will tell me about them. I know Miss Winters wants you too, and I know
    that she would be much better for you in so many ways-”

    At this Edward opened his mouth again and began to shake his head, but she put up her hand to stop him.

    “But let there be no mistake – this is how I feel.”

    And
    with that Bella reached out, took his nightshirt in her fists and
    pulled him to her fiercely. Her mouth crashed against his and she felt a
    surprised intake of breath from his open mouth. Motivated by both love
    and passion, she pulled harder on the linen twisted in her hands,
    forcing his chest even closer to her as her mouth moved roughly against
    his. She took his lower lip in between hers and caressed it with her
    tongue for a moment until she realized that he still had not moved. Her
    movements slowed until she, too, was still. Her hands slowly released
    his nightshirt from their grasp and she drew her head back from his. Her
    passion began to ebb as she felt the familiar flush of embarrassment
    creep up her neck and into her cheeks. She looked into his eyes that
    were frozen on her face, a look of shock in them.

    “Bella,” was all he could say, and he swiftly reached out to bring
    her back to him. He caught her around her waist, pulling her hips flush
    against the edge of his mattress. His strong arms captured her tightly
    in an embrace, his head tilting in to hers as he found her lips with his
    own.

    Bella nearly cried with relief as she wrapped her arms
    tightly around his neck, pushing her mouth even harder against his,
    reveling in the feeling of his hot breath on her face and his hands
    splayed across her back.

    After a moment, she felt herself being
    lifted off the floor and onto Edward’s bed as he fell backward, taking
    her with him. Bella could feel his muscled chest beneath her rising and
    falling with each breath and she shivered from the sensation. She lifted
    her mouth from his briefly and found his jaw with her lips – that jaw
    she had so often watched surreptitiously with fascination and desire,
    the sharp angle that defined the rest of his beautiful face. She
    attacked it with increased fervor, moving heatedly down to his neck to
    his collarbone. Edward ground his teeth together to try to stifle a
    groan but it escaped and his hands clutched the fabric of her nightdress
    desperately, pulling the cotton until he heard a small rip.

    Charlie delivering that, with his flirtatious smirk and penetrating stare, melodious voice and sultry whisper.  Yes, I would make that my ring tone.

    • The_OldOne

      Some ring tone!

    • nocoolname

      Oh my heavens.  I honestly cannot read this.  I am literally embarrassed here, all by myself on my couch with my laptop.

      • TeamSeth

        WHY?!  It’s so great!  It took me forever just to find a sultry scene, the rest are so… earnest and good.  Just like your Bella.

  • Anonymous

    Just had to say that during a totally blergy day, that Michael Sheen video made me choke on my tea in the sweetest way. Thank you LTT!

  • Twi Sherry

    OMG yes they just NEED to do this because well it’s just too much fun to say no.  Crossing fingers that there is a Twilight God out there with magical skillz.

    • Anonymous

      There kind of is a Twilight God for those of us normal people out there that can’t/wouldn’t dream of letting it go. It is mega popular! It is not just in our imaginations. I was trying to find the Elizabeth R. interview with the reading on YouTube and caught her on Jimmy K, where he says “It will be nice that this is over, and you won’t ever have to talk about Twilight again”, or something like that, and she says “I don’t think that’s true” without hesitation, or bitterness may I add. She knows how it is.

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