All Taylor Lautner, ALL.THE.TIME.

Yes, we think your tractor is sexy... and yes... it really turns us on

Dear Taylor,

You need to stop… being so cute and funny and making us like you a lot and hope good things for you and shit. It’s hard to keep up our snarky, mean girls exterior when you’re making us want to twirl about and laugh WITH you at things instead of AT you. This is a brave, weird new world Taylor and we don’t like it. I’m not afraid to say I watched your Field of Dreams spoof for Funny or Die THEN I watched the behind the scene video, THEN I watched the deleted scenes video. Like 3 times.

I know we don’t write you unless it involves your Dad, who might as well be in the dang movies as far as we’re concerned or our constant internal conflict over your growing hottness and legalness but I think it’s time we change that… you’ve proved you’re ready to come up to the LTT Big Leagues ™

Funny or Die

Both UC and I commented that we hope you do a lot of hilarious stuff like this were you have a good time, make fun of yourself a lot and  don’t take things too seriously… like some people we know… AHEM. But mostly it just makes me want to sing Kenny Chesney. Someone needs to make a Taylor fan vid with this song STAT!

On a totally different note… Lionsgate announced you’d be signing autographs at Comic Con for your new movie Abduction… while I’m super (cautiously) excited that this bodes REALLY WELL for the Breaking Dawn panel, I just want to get you to sign something… like my jorts… or if you insist an Abduction poster

NOOOO not that one… this special one I made….

Do you hate us yet? Do you really want to be moved up to the LTT Big Leagues ™??? Talk it over with Rob, Kellan and Jackson and see if you can handle this kind of good natured ridicule…

Happy Friday!!!! TGIF!!!!!! COUGRITAS for everyone!!! (On Cathi!)
Themoonisdown

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

  • ChillinWithCullens

    HOT!!! As someone who’s been “team Jacob” from the start (please, don’t shoot me!!), I want to say thank you, thank you, thank you!! 

    • Sisterpenguin

      In the films it’s ALWAYS Team Jacob!

    • MariaCecilia

      Consider yourself shot, resurrected and hugged!

    • Anonymous

      ‘Team Jacob from the start’ that’s my kind of people, even if it means feeling like the Sorting Hat has put u in the less popular house.

      • Anonymous

        I don’t know, the last couple Twi movies I felt like I was in the minority. There was so much more verbal noise during the Jacob parts.

        So the dude’s got abs…and? Not my thing, I guess.

        • Anonymous

          Oh well, Eds gets the girl after all.

        • Anonymous

          I am TeamEdward, or as my friend likes to put it, TeamThat’sHowTheBookGoes. However, I finally understand Team Jacob people, because after reading the Hunger Games, I am way Team Gale.  Saying Team this much just really drives home how stupid the whole Team thing is.

          • Anonymous

            I never really got the TeamJacob thing whilst reading the books. I did understand the TeamEdwardUnlessJacobisShirtless thing, not that I agreed, but I got it. It wasn’t until Taylor’s performance when I started seeing Jacob as a nice guy not some rude jerk that kisses girls who say no. Talyor made Jacob way more likeable to me.

            And yes, the Team thing is stupid!

          • Anonymous

            yes. well, not to make this into a whole thing about BookBella v. MovieBella and all, but Taylor certainly made him more likable. Which, yay, I guess, even though that’s not his character? Shrug.

            But I approve of his career choices if they include shirtlessness.

          • Anonymous

            yes. well, not to make this into a whole thing about BookBella v. MovieBella and all, but Taylor certainly made him more likable. Which, yay, I guess, even though that’s not his character? Shrug.

            But I approve of his career choices if they include shirtlessness.

      • cosi bella

        “less popular house”

        That’s how I’ve often felt ….but check out the respective ‘likes’ on Facebook.
        Rob gets a million  Taylor gets EIGHT million…But then ‘Edward Cullen’ has his own separate page…another mill if I remember correctly….but still lagging behind badly Taylor.   oh and check out Edward Cullen’s description  “ATHLETE”  – wtf??? hahahaha!

      • cosi bella

        “less popular house”

        That’s how I’ve often felt ….but check out the respective ‘likes’ on Facebook.
        Rob gets a million  Taylor gets EIGHT million…But then ‘Edward Cullen’ has his own separate page…another mill if I remember correctly….but still lagging behind badly Taylor.   oh and check out Edward Cullen’s description  “ATHLETE”  – wtf??? hahahaha!

  • Sisterpenguin

    Yes! Move him on up to the big league please!
    Legalise my lust (ahem), of course I meant purely platonic affection.

  • TeamSeth

    ALPACA!!!!!!!!

    Also, the NFL is having a lockout?  Cuz I thought that was the NBA?

    • MariaCecilia

      Honey, I have no idea (in my vocabulary “football” means “soccer”), but I am still laughing my head off! Just watch Monty Python – things don’t have to be connected to reality to be really funny..

      • TeamSeth

         Some call me Tim.

    • TeamSeth

      “The best chance for a 2011 season is the negotiation now under way. If
      the owners and the players can continue with the progress they appear to
      be making, there will be a season. But if the negotiations fail, there
      is the prospect of a continuing lockout, a lawsuit by free agents and
      rookies, an appeal of Friday’s decision, a decision in the TV networks
      case and continuing uncertainty.” from ESPN 3 hours ago.

      So, yes, there’s a lockout.

    • Anonymous

      Baaahahahaha!  I got to that llama/ alpaca/ whatever it is and died laughing.

      • TeamSeth

        it kinda, sorta, a wee bit looks as if the alpaca is taking it from behind.

        • TeamSeth

          No, wrong. More like it’s humping Tay’s leg.

          If Taylor’s leg and the Alpaca make a baby, would it be 100% Taylor or 96.875% Taylor and 3.125% Alpaca?

          (love you, TJE)

      • TeamSeth

        it kinda, sorta, a wee bit looks as if the alpaca is taking it from behind.

      • cosi bella

        me too!

  • MariaCecilia

    *rofl* Oh man, I’m starting to like Taylor more and more, and it’s definitely NOT the abs! A man without a sense of humour, who can’t make a little fun of himself is about as much use to me as a dishrag full of milk (yuk!). And he is supercute! (but he was supercute ALL the time – no I’m not a paedo, go away!)
    But I would still marry Edward. Without the yellow contacts. Just saying…

    • MariaCecilia

      Err, I don’t know why I wrote NOT 2 times: just so you know, it’s not a convoluted way of saying I worship Taylor’s abs. I really don’t. I’m fine with them in a room, but I would accept him without them..oh, you know what I mean!

      • TeamSeth

         If you and Taylor’s Sense of Humour made a baby, and Taylor’s Abs wanted to date it, what would your baby’s name be?

        • Anonymous

          Alpacalia. Marabhahalia. Databscece. Patty. Catchinggrapeslia. Squintcrunchfunia.

          • MariaCecilia

            Can’t outdo you there. I guess our baby will just have to be called Namelessme…

  • operarose

    I could use a Cougarita right about now!

    I just tweeted last night (as I watched the Field of Dreams 2 trailer for the 5th time) how much I wish this were a real movie… sure, if it were, it WOULD be kinda lame and no Oscar winner, but it looks cute and funny and has a hearty dose of eyecandy (oh Taylor, I do love your tight black tshirt…) not to mention boyfriends/husbands/significant others might actually go to see the movie with considering it’s about sports. I can easily overlook the sports component by focusing on Taylor’s serious Alpaca eyes and tight clothing and not feeling guilty because he’s over 18. In other words, pretty much the perfect movie.
    Adorable.

    Off to drink my cougarita. (Is it still a cougarita if you’re not old enough to be a cougar? Because I like the ring of it.) Cheers everyone.

    • Anonymous

      sure, they are called puma-ritas. or ocelot-itas. some sort of smaller, and therefore somehow younger wild cat. Ritas. 

      I seriously just need some frozen tequila right now. Did you know air could be a million percent water? IT CAN. New England weather rules!

      • TeamSeth

        Oh, I miss the Florida Pantheritas.  Only 39 left in the wild.

      • Anonymous

        I remember that feeling. My hair remembers that feeling. I have very little vanity left in me, but I still feel like a frustrated teenager who hasn’t figured out how to deal with their hair when I visit out East in the Summer. Hair is good over on this coast.

        • TeamSeth

          I feel that! It’s like summer over here is perfect for my hair… then I fly east and it’s as if in the airplane itself my hair grows about 2″ outward. 

    • TeamSeth

       If you have a passing thought of anything to do with LTT, Friday’s, boneless buffalo wings, or Catherine Hardwicke while drinking it, then it’s a cougarita.

    • Anonymous

      I recently (and sadly) found out that a cougar is 35+. Srsly, I thought I had 4 more Puma filled yrs ahead, only to realize I’ve been a Cougar for  a year and a half!!!!

      Now it’s really time for a Cougarita :)

      • TeamSeth

        I truly feel cougar is a state of mind.

  • Anonymous

    Taylor is getting old enough to be hot, it’s true. His good natured adorability is …uh… good naturedly adorable.  But he is too clean cut for me. Give me aDorkable any day.

    • TeamSeth

      Do you think he keeps close shaven as a differentiator or because he can’t grow it well (like Sidney Crosby can’t)

      • Anonymous

        I love this question!

        • TeamSeth

          Why don’t the interviewers ask stuff like this? It’s just so much more relevant than “How did you get so fit, so fast?”  He did drugs, moron. Ask about his facial hair and how long his cock is!

          • Anonymous

            They were “meat patties”, remember!!

          • cosi bella

            tsk tsk TeamSeth.

            (I agree)

          • cosi bella

            tsk tsk TeamSeth.

            (I agree)

      • Anonymous

        Ha ha, Sidney Crosby and his beard! I’m a touch drunk.

        • TeamSeth

          But I’m glad you know who Sid the Kid is… even while drunk.  Hooray for Canada.

      • MariaCecilia

        Not many guys would have respectable scruff at 18 – he’s probably got more like “snuff” – something you can snuggle with…

    • MariaCecilia

      Team aDorkable goes without saying!!! Taylor would be a good brother to go canoeing with (abs a definite advantage!), but it would be a better date with Rob giggling into his beer at my inappropriate jokes…

    • cosi bella

      “Taylor is getting old enough to be hot”

      He was always more mature than all the others from the getgo.  Age is just a number baby.
      (Gawd -hurry up breaking dawn – need some fresh script references)

    • cosi bella

      “Taylor is getting old enough to be hot”

      He was always more mature than all the others from the getgo.  Age is just a number baby.
      (Gawd -hurry up breaking dawn – need some fresh script references)

  • cosi bella

    Oh my, I laughed out loud when I saw the alpaca poster

    “Do you really want to be moved up to the LTT Big Leagues ™???
     
    YES- you have to! What TOOK you so long? (:D)
    PS  Expression on the alpaca’s face alone is priceless – such a stupid looking creature- lolPPS2.  is the Alpaca wearing a necklace? Oh yeah – pimp mah alpaca

    • TeamSeth

      I think so! It’s like flava flav alpaca!

      • Anonymous

        Flavor Flav clocks were really big in my middle school, and I remember genuinely wanting one, but knowing I was not cool enough and would be made fun of harshly and not been outgoing enough or tough enough to take it and come out on top. If I ever went back in time to re-live my life (and I hope I do), I would have gotten my ass to the clock necklace kiosk at the mall and went there. And took pictures. I did have some very questionable MC Hammer stype pants, so I didn’t fail at being an 12 year old entirely, but I could have ramped it up considerably.
        I think I would also indulge in giant gold plated bamboo earrings on my life re-do. Why not. Those things were awesome. And neon green Ectonics.

        • Anonymous

          I remember walking home from school one day in leopard print spandex pants, an short sweatshirt with kittens on it, and some crappy bead necklace, with my long hair bouncing as I walked and thinking I must look as hot as one of the girls on 8 is enough. Then I got home and looked in the mirror and was completely deflated by my frizzly hair, flat chest and not particularly shapely body. Oh well. That was not the look for me.

          • Anonymous

            I thought an awesome idea would be to get one of those long trench coat things, and pair it with my grey Desperately Seeking Susan knockoff boots and cool Duran Duran baseball t. Guess what?! I was totally wrong! It was not an awesome idea at all! It was like that scene in Freaks and Geeks when he buys the leisure suit at the mall, and thinks he is all bad ass until he walks into school and realizes he’s 12 and therefore looks like a jackass. I so rule.

          • TeamSeth
  • Anonymous

    Kevin Costner as TLaut’s dad…one would think that’s bizarre until you see TLaut’s actual dad!

    • MariaCecilia

      Probably one of them was adopted…

  • Anonymous

    Looking at pictures of Taylor and reading what is said makes me understand people who do not find RP hot. I found TL’s wet t-shirt football holding magazine cover hot, but that is the extent of it. Wait a second. I also only ever found Kellan hot when he is all angry and wet in the water after the chase scene in New Moon (NM right? I don’t remember). Wet t-shirts over muscles. Huh. Finding that alluring is so not like me.
    In other news I made an out loud Twilight reference while chatting with someone today just to see if I would get called out (although kind of a cop out it was a guy, what were the chances). I didn’t, and the person found my statement politically/geographically relevant to the conversation flow. I might do that more often now.

    • TeamSeth

      Eclipse…they are the cardboard cut-outs until Alice says, “To your left!” and they start the Victoria chase.

      I love out loud references.  They make the day that much better!

  • Anonymous

    LTT Big League? Suddenly I’m nervoid. And how did I miss the Laugh or Die deleted scenes, Kevin C actually made me giggle.

    • cosi bella

      Yeah- that was my fave part of the deleted scenes. And Kevin Costner’s comment about them wearing the same clothes.  could it be that they’re ‘in’ on the plaid jokes?

  • Nelle

    I think Taylor looks a little smaller. Could be he’s not keeping up the muscles with meat patties now that he is no longer a shirtless shapeshifter? Not that he doesn’t look good.

    • TeamSeth

      I think that’s why.  Even while taking MPs, you still need to work out a heck of a lot. Like Joe (Alcide) said in an interview he works out 6 days a week, twice a day.  I’d want a break as well. And by break, I mean, just not working out at all except for a pick-up football game once a week (he likes football, right?) and maybe some “involved” sexual activities. It’s hollywood.

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  • Bubs

    OK. So I’ve always been Team Jacob [book n movies]. LOVE Tay Tay’s 6/8 pack and smile, however Kellan’s body just doesn’t move me [too many beef patties ????]. Looking foward to comparing Taylor and Rob’s hotness in Breaking Dawn though……November can’t come quick enough !!!!

  • cosi bella

    also I love that alpaca is one of the post tags.(manbearpig next? -another striking resemblance)

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