Much needed Twilight funnies on a Monday

Dear Twilight,

It’s one of those Mondays that I’m dreading- last week was a 4 day work week & this week has 5 days I have to work- plus there’s a heatwave. And I’m just in the mood to complain. So when I sat down to pen something Twilosophical to you, I just couldn’t. I didn’t want to think hard & since all Twilight fans think alike, I doubt LTT readers want to either.

So I went to our email inbox, to see what treasure I’ve been storing for such a rainy/boring/horrible/hot/Monday such as this. This is what I found:

1) Antonella’s boyfriend (who she described as “Who is totally not a unicorn. At all. More like a buffalo.”) found us the holy grail of “2nd Hand Embarrassment”

Yes this is real

What’s even worse is that is that it’s in MOANtreal, which has French Canadians. And the French are supposed to be classier than the rest of us

The birds can enjoy the view

And of course that little white paper (INSIDE the car) says “I love Rob.” Of course it does.

2) The Old One took the time to take the Breaking Dawn calendar image & photoshop it to look exactly like the rest of us were thinking it should look:

After seeing the weird purple & orange lighting she couldn’t resist. She said it just screamed “we’ve just beamed down to the planet’s surface and encountered a strange half-man, half-lizard life form. He’s been eyeing Lieutenant Commander Swan and I don’t trust him.”

3) MarbleNutSlut wrote to tell us she’d love to see a “This Random Thing Reminds Me Of Twilight post.” She saw a whole rack of these at the Hartford airport and thought:

“ZOMG is KStew gunning for CoverGirl status?! That seems…uncharacteristic?”

And then her bleary cross-country traveling eyes adjusted, but still. This is the patented HairGrab pose. They teach it in modeling classes now, apparently.

I did a double-take too. That is a nice KSTEW knock-off!

4) And finally, Melissa thought of us when she came across these new JorJeggings: Yep. Jorts in Leggings material:

Think Leah will rock these in Breaking Dawn?

Oh Twilight, always popping up in our lives, even in the mundane!

Love,
UnintendedChoice

Where has Twilight “popped-up” in your life recently?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store
  • Anonymous

    I was talking to a fellow mom the other day. We were swapping odd/ funny things our kids do/did. She told me that geer daughter used to take hamburgers from day food places when they were on the go, sit in the bun to hide it and eat just the burger. It was ask I could do to but make a comment about Taylor and his meat patties.

    • Stacey

      Lil’ Taylor and those meat patties! How could you contain yourself!!!! :0) BTW…owe you an email!

    • ladyofthemeadow

      On Sunday, I was in Old Navy looking for shorts for dd. She wants short shorts in a Madras-plaid fabric. When the store clerk pointed toward a display of girls shorts, what came out of my mouth? I very matter of factly said, “Oh, jorts, no she wants plaid”.

      No mouth filter evidently. And I guess the store clerk doesn’t read LTT/LTR cause she didn’t flinch or react at all.

      I guess dd would get some kind of cred here by liking plaid?

  • chochang

    oh Twilight. after all these years, you still KILL me.

  • operarose

    French Canadians have little to no resemblance to their France-French counterparts. Except for the fact that they smoke. Drink. Like fashion. Sit at cafes until late at night. Decorate their cars with images from Hollywood films. Wait-scratch that last one.

    • drsaka

      I was in Montreal this weekend for the Saturday U2 concert and luckily/unfortunately, did not see this car. Darnit!

      • TeamSeth

        There is so much funny in this from Sat. twitter session!  It’s a beautiful day!

        • operarose

          don’t let it get away!

          • drsaka

            Th concert was good!  There were a couple of nice surprises in the set. The extra bonus was the metal bleachers swaying and bouncing constantly- it was kinda terrifying.

          • operarose

            I wondered how that was going to work out; the bleachers were put up temporarily. “Temporary” and “stadium for 80,000 people” are not usually found in the same sentence. Glad you enjoyed! Did you see Julia Roberts at the concert?! ;) If only the other Snow White movie were filming here, we’d have magicness again (all roads lead to Twilight). —is she still going to be Snow White? KStew that is? I’m so not down with my Twinews.

          • Bubs

            KStew is still doing SWATH. She went to the UK last month for costume fittings and pre production, so I’ve read and recently has been practicing her horse riding in Palm Springs for the role. Chris Hemmsworth is the “Huntsman” [he's Australian and HOT]. She gets to work with some cute guys. 

          • Anonymous

            So, who is this Huntsman? I mean in the story? Is he in the Grimm version, because I don’t remember a huntsman. Are they confusing Snow White with Red Riding Hood? Because I can see how that would happen. Do they mean the dude who sends her into the woods to die? Remember, he was supposed to kill her but then is like, “Oh wait, she’s too hot to kill.” But that would be a short movie, don’t you think? I hear it’s dark, which is good, KStew can do dark. Also: she is so gonna bone that dude. He’s hotness.

          • Anonymous

            I’m thinking it’s going to be even shorter as they’re talking about making SW into a trilogy.  Can you imagine a trilogy from that one fairy tale???  Reminds me of this piece about Harry Potter from The Onion: http://www.theonion.com/video/final-minutes-of-last-harry-potter-movie-to-be-spl,20528/

          • Anonymous

            Yes, the dude that sends her into the forest to die. But there’s a twist!! Okay, I didn’t really read that much of the script but get this, the guy HUNTS WOLVES!!! Or a particular wolf.

          • Anonymous

            Okay wait. Was he really a huntsman? I thought the queen sent him to go into the woods and kill her? So he would be some sort of … servant? or nobility or member of the court, right? not a huntsman, unless a huntsman is some sort of … job that takes people into the woods and kills them. Which it may be. I wonder who Wills and Kate will hire for that job?

          • Anonymous

            She did! But for some reason he was always called the Huntsman, even in the Disney version. I think because he hunts animals that the Queen thought he could kill a small girl and bring back her heart. I don’t know! It really is kind of bizarre, just wait til you see this version!

          • TeamSeth

            Now I’m excited!

          • TeamSeth

            Well, he sends her there to live.  Like… in the Disney cartoon… they have the queen(?) be all “Kill Snow White” and Huntsman is all “Cool” and then he gets her to the edge of the woods and says, “Run away, Simba. Never return.” (not exactly like that) and SW’s all “Er, okay. Do I get seven little men who work getting gold and diamonds and know how to use them lips? Cuz that’s really what I want.”

            Then Chris Hemsworth is all, “I AM THOOOOOR!!!!!!!!!!” and SWD’s all “Whoa.” beat  “That’s basically the hottest thing that’s ever happened.”

            But of course KStew is going to be the one making out with Chris Hemsworth. #unfair.

          • Anonymous

            Haha! I like it! I meant he takes her into the forrest to kill her but changes his mind and lets her live.

            This version is a little different, in that they don’t take her in the forest to kill her but they do run there to escape from the Queen.

            Then we have who knows how long of great woods dialogue b/t the two. And by great, I pretty much mean one word answers from SW.

          • Anonymous

            Yeah. Imma leave this girl, who has lived in a castle her whole life, out in the woods with nothing. No skills, no food, no water. Die a long, slow death, torn apart by animals because I am too much of a pussy to kill you myself. Okay BYE!

            But yeah it will be more like, “Damn girl you look good.”
            KStew: I know it, Thor. :DOE EYES:
            Thor: So not gonna kill you.
            KStew: (softly) thanks.
            Thor: I think I will pine away longingly for a bit.
            KStew: Me too.

            Both: Awkward Foot Shuffling

            CREDITS: See Snow White Two, Huntsman’s Boogaloo! Coming Summer 2013!

          • Anonymous

            I did get to the part where he starts teaching her how to survive in the woods. But I can’t remember anything after that.

            Now I kinda want to read it and I think I deleted it
            :(
            okay maybe just :|

          • TeamSeth

            At least we’ll understand why the dwarves say “Hi hoe” when they meet SW.

          • drsaka

            No, though people in front of me did.
            The bleachers- you could also see the ground in gaps in the bleachers and see that you’d be impaled by metal poles if the bleachers collapsed. There was a LOT of bouncing and swaying, terrifying. Montreal did a good job with the crowds and getting them in and out.  There were lots of buses marked ‘Special U2′. We got back to our hotel in just 1 hour. I went with two friends who hadn’t seen U2 before and they were stunned by the show.

      • operarose

        I was live tweeting the concert! I was able to hear the whole thing from my balcony and proceeded to annoy my Twitter followers with a narration of everything that was happening.

        I’ve lived in Moantreal for 8 years and have mercifully never seen this car.

        Mine is much more tastefully decorated. To start with, it’s a Volvo, thank you very much. And I used only pictures of the cast wearing plaid for my car’s decals (sorry TS, had the idea long before you). I also made sure to use that creepy Edward shadow decal that people normally put on walls and I have a giant (or as we say, magnifique) “I drive like a Cullen” bumper sticker (only mine says <> – language laws, people).

        • TeamSeth

           Oh, please, if plaid was “my” idea it would never have caught on.

        • TeamSeth

          I’ve just decided that if I ever get a Volvo, I’m going to put a GIANT decal of Alexander Skarsgard on there and the words, “The Swedes do it best.”

          • operarose

            I like it.

          • drsaka

            I’ll have to return to the Montreal area and look both the above car and yours, too!

          • drsaka

            ahhh, you’ve dubbed Montreal- Land of the Decorated Cars (see below).

          • Anonymous

            I think this is the first time I’ve ever had the urge to lick a car.

          • MariaCecilia

            And the Swedes outsource all their best assets abroad, I may add..you lucky beggars! Alex – come home!! All is forgiven!

  • Anonymous

    Poor car, they spent all that time decorating it and forgot to fix the busted radiator. Looks like it will be there a long time.

    • Stacey

      Unfortunately, they spent all their money on that beautiful decorating job. * snicker *

    • natteringyeahrobber

      Maybe the car owner is like my landlady. She basically paints over stuff that need to be fixed. She’s of the “if it looks broken, just half-ass paint over it (and skip primer, who the hell needs it) and then you’ll forget it is broken” school of thought. Maybe the owner couldn’t afford a new radiator so just ran out and purchased a bunch of Twilight stickers.

      • MariaCecilia

        Hey, does the “cover-it-with-stickers” method work as a replacement for cleaning house as well? Maybe that’s what I should use my Twi-posters for: dazzling the husband into missing the dust and grease spots?

        • natteringyeahrobber

          Yes, and the stickers also work on: gunshot wounds, out of control forest fires, termites, and quicksand.  They can remedy/repair/beautify any issue/health concern/natural disaster/pest invasion. Sort of like snake oil, but HOTTER thanks to Edward.

          • TeamSeth

            (writing this down)

    • Rachael 1042

      Like all things Twilight, it’s just a little dirty and leaks when over-excited. The only thing missing is a lemon hood ornament. 

      • TeamSeth

        Maybe the air freshener is a lemon?

    • MariaCecilia

      At least they can sit in that beautiful car and think about Edward – forever begins now…

  • Anonymous

    Just curious, has anyone ever seen a car like this, but with HP art?  I’m going to my first midnight showing of HP this Thursday.  Can’t wait to see the freaks  fans.

    Where can I get a pair of those JorJeggings?!  They would make a great gag gift.  Someone tried to pawn off a unused (mostly unopened) Twilight game and blanket on me yesterday.  The family tried to play the game, we tried, but after a few minutes we gave up.  I thought that too would make a good gag gift, but I think it’s going in the Goodwill pile. The blanket is just too soft to dispose of and Edward looks the hottest in the Twilight movie poster, so this might be a keeper.

    • Anonymous

      Haha! I got a slightyly used book: Twilight the Director’s Notebook. I was a little frightened to open it up, so I’m waiting til I have a Cougarita (in her honor of course!).

    • Drobe

      Hey bargain hunters! My local Borders had original Twilight jigsaw puzzles on clearance for just 98 cents!  The Edward and Bella ones, not the who cares bad vamps.  I was so so tempted but I was with my husband who I hope doesn’t know the extent of my addiction…

    • natteringyeahrobber

      Pretty sure HP fans are more discreet. They chat in secret languages and have wardrobes full of Hogwarts robes, but they do not bring the crazy out into the open (premieres being the one exception). Death before indignity.

      I don’t know if it is crazier to keep it all inside or let it all out. Psychologically it’s probably better to let it out, instead of repressing it all the time. I bet Harry Potter basements are much scarier than TwiMom basements (I just wrote that but I don’t believe it for one second).

      • TeamSeth

        My friend asked me about BD yesterday on our way to see Thor. He’s my new friend, but I came out to him and said I read a Twilight blog and feel free to judge. He did.

        So, I explained “the weird thing” with the Twilight baby and the wolf. THEN he said, “Wait, so aren’t there like those weird older women—the older moms?”  “The Twimoms?”  “Uh…”  “Yes, they have red carpets in their basements with Rob cardboard cut-outs and pretend they are actually at the premieres.”  “I thought you were going to say a different kind of red carpet!”  “Two for Thor at 4:35 please.  And two beers.  Thanks.”

        (ps-I enjoyed Thor. He said, “That’s the worst movie I’ve seen all year.” and I thought, “Well, clearly you didn’t see Red Riding Hood.”)

        • drsaka

          I just recently saw RRH- I had to, but reviews were so terrible. I had hours of fun, making fun of it.

          • TeamSeth

            I wish I could have even found joy in it that way. But no.

          • drsaka

            That’s too bad- one good point- it was short!

      • operarose

        though you have to admit, there is something kind of exciting about calling your basement “the chamber of secrets”

        • Anonymous

          My fave is Rob’s den of sin. That way you get both HP and Twi. ;)

    • operarose

      I’m going to the midnight showing in Montreal – apparently known as the land of decorated cars, in addition the land of magic Robsten summer moaning – and will be sure to snap a pic if I see one.

  • blackgirltwihard

    There’s a “Keeping
    up with the Kardashians” promo when Kim Kardashian’s fiancé asks to marry her
    and she gasps and then it cuts off…I’m like. Really Kim? Channeling Bella …Really?
    LAWD!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P-pYsWNtAQM&feature=relmfu

  • Stacey

    Jegging jorts…whoa! Some things are just wrong and should have never been invented in the first place. Wait…Alice should be sporting those in Breaking Dawn! I watched Eclipse last night (I’m not sure why) and I was thinking to myself “For someone who is so ‘fashionable’, Alice Cullen has the worst clothes.” Jeggings would be the next logical step to the Twilight fashion downward spiral. (Unlike VampDi which has the best clothes. Except for poor Stefan)

    • MariaCecilia

      I know. Poor Alice. All the time in New Moon and Eclipse I was mentally face-pawing myself at Alice’s get-ups. Wardrobe people, there are tons of fashion magazines in your local Borders – just look at the pictures and connect the dots..but no, no BD – bring on the humiliation and get us the jeggings!

  • Anonymous

    I am so second hand embarrassed for that car. I want to leave a note on it saying, “This Is Why Everyone Thinks We Are Crazy. Thanks A Lot.”

    Also: SQUEE! My first LTT mention! I SWOON! UC and Moon are superstars (in my world) in the same category as the Twi-cast. Well, at least the lesser Volturi. No, bump that up to Wolf Pack, and maybe Kellan, too. Yeah.

    • TeamSeth

      dark curly-haired kellan or hot kellan?

    • Kbesq99

      Wahoo! Love it.

      • Kaybvee

        Oops, that was me…And more…Wahoos!

  • natteringyeahrobber

    The Twi-car looks like an angry ex-girlfriend job to me. Maybe the boyfriend sullied Rob’s good name one time too many. Maybe he “accidentally” deleted all her Rob porn, maybe he told her she’d never look like Bella, no matter how many times she dyed her hair Tweed (Clairol Natural Instincts shade 14, not that I’ve tried it). Oooh, she got her revenge all right. Probably took her all night to cover the car with those stickers, but it was totally worth it.

    Sadly, his new girlfriend is probably totally impressed. He probably met her in his driveway (because she followed him home). I mean, there are unicorns, and then there are unicorns who fly. Whenever he leaves the house, he’s probably some sort of Pied Twilight Piper, with fangirls trailing him all over the place. Next best thing to Rob is a guy who has covered his car in Edward stickers and proclaims his Rob love all over the dashboard.

    • MariaCecilia

      At least it would appear he is not afraid of the competition – wait, if he crushes on Rob there probably IS no competition! But he would probably make a good buddy to spend Friday nights with, eating popcorn and watching The Bad Mother’s Handbook and the Haunted Airman. If you find out his identity, pass me the phone number..

      • TeamSeth

        I’m sure you could hunt him down using the license plate number in the photo.  Maybe that’s stalkerish, but just think of how much better “backseat sex” will be with Rob all over the place…

        • Anonymous

          I’m not as flexible as I once was, I’d be constantly apologizing to Rob for sticking my foot in his face

          • MariaCecilia

            *rofl* No, seriously: never apologize, never look back.

            (or front. or down. or up, as it may be..Okay, I’m officially drunk..)

    • TeamSeth

      “I mean, there are unicorns, and then there are unicorns who fly.”

      Quote of the day.  I got a major look for laughing at this one cuz I am reading a sensitive business document and should not be laughing!

      • MariaCecilia

        “Sensitive”..hmm? Does it contain lemons?

        • TeamSeth

          I wish. That’s all my mind is bothering with this afternoon.  I just want to go home and eat a big steak.  (this made sense to me)

          • MariaCecilia

            I’d recommend a salmon steak – that goes well with a wedge of lemon..

    • TeamSeth

      “I mean, there are unicorns, and then there are unicorns who fly.”

      Quote of the day.  I got a major look for laughing at this one cuz I am reading a sensitive business document and should not be laughing!

  • Anonymous

    At Blockbuster this evening with sister I came across ‘Hard Candy’ and came so close to grabbing it and exclaiming ‘hey it’s a David Slade movie’, but realized I had no non-twi excuse for knowing who the hale David Slade is. As we left I snuck a furtive gaze of longing at Valentine’s Day but could not resist picking up a copy of Remember Me to mock sister’s now faded Rob crush.

    • Anonymous

      All film geeks pick movies by the director. Just say you are taking a film class online or something…:)

      But for the love of all that is holy do not watch Valentines Day. Jebus that was bad. It was bad and I went in knowing it would be bad, so sometimes that makes bad movies sort of fun. But no. Valentines Day goes past that kind of bad. Honestly, Taylor/Taylor are the best part. “I don’t feel comfortable taking my shirt off” HAHAHA. Oh, Taylor.

      • Anonymous

        To be honest I was just going to flip straight to the Tay/Tay scenes….sister out of town this weekend ; )

    • Stacey

      I just watched Hard Candy on IFC last week. I had forgtton that was directed by David Slade. What an intense movie! Now I am thinking how different Eclipse would have been if it starred Ellen Page as Bella and had all the creepiness that was in Hard Candy. Ohh and Patrick Wilson could be well… anybody he wanted to be. (He is so handsome, but plays a great bad guy) 

      • MariaCecilia

        I finally watched Hard candy a couple of months ago (heard it was really good but creepy, so I put it off) and I was impressed. (I am still surprised that they got David Slade to direct Eclipse, actually, it seems out of character.) Ellen Page would make a much sweeter type of Bella, and I like her sense of humour, but is she “plain” enough, you know, to be the girl-next-door type? Patrick Wilson would obviously be Carlisle!

        • TeamSeth

          Is Ellen Page plain enough?  I think Juno is supposed to the cool girl next girl, right?

          • MariaCecilia

            Let’s face it; she’s a bit softer/cuter than KStew, no? Just look at that cherry lip pout and those Bambi eyes.. But, hey with make-up anything is possible! Even I could be Ellen Page! (happy thought)

          • TeamSeth

             She is softer than KStew, that’s true.  They are dif. looking… very dif.   Hm.  I find them both beautiful gals… but, Ellen Page is just so damn intelligent. I love her.

          • MariaCecilia

            Okay, let’s bond over a female crush on the intelligent and beautiful Ellen Page! (That’s my kind of fake lesbian..)

          • ladyofthemeadow

            I’ll join you in a threesome girl crush on Ellen Page.

            Oh, that’s not what I meant at all. I’m saving my threesome v-card for Taylor, Rob and me. Or Kellan, Billy and me. Oh, whatever.

          • TeamSeth

            Very respectable choices.

            Of course, MariaCecilia’s swedish (apparently)… Maybe she, ASkars, Ellen Page, and myself can take a trip to Tromso and make love on the island.  #normal.

    • Anonymous

      Question: How does a Rob crush fade?!
      Sometimes, for like a day or two I’d really like that to happen. You know, RL stuff needs to get done every now and again.

      • natteringyeahrobber

        The only way to fade a Rob crush is to crush on someone else, preferably someone at least tangentially related to Rob. For me that is CW. Others here crush on alternative vampire-playing actors. But keep in mind that the crush has just been temporarily replaced. It always comes back. There is no cure, just patches.
        Actually, I do sort of picture c-dub’s car looking somewhat similar to that in the photo above (only with just NM stickers). But license plate doesn’t read “GOC ABTRLF” or “MR UNICRN” so it can’t be his.  

        • Anonymous

          So basically you’re telling me it’s hopeless since there is no other but Rob for me. Fine, I’ll just have to endure it.

          • drsaka

            There you go again, quoting Twi-

          • Anonymous

            The funny thing is I didn’t really know what Rob movie it was from, it just kinda slipt out. I thought maybe RM, Robler is very angsty too :)

          • drsaka

            Its so deeply embedded in your brain that you quote Twi without knowing it.

        • ladyofthemeadow

          I think I’d bond well with Dick (twss). I mean, I’d be close to Rob, but not too close to destroy the Fantasy Rob in my head. Just close enough to get some insider info on him (that I’d share with you all). Not so close that Rob sees the odd grey hair mixed in with my blonde. Dick wouldn’t care if I had the odd grey hair.

          • Anonymous

            I love me some Dick! (twss) Srsly, that’s a good choice. And I guess I could try another member of the Britpack if he’s taken!

          • ladyofthemeadow

            In this scenario, you can stay as robsfuturemate, I’d have to rename myself dickandclaireshomewrecker.

          • Anonymous

            Yay! You can be my mother-in-law!! Or is that stepmother-in-law? I do really like Clare though, must keep her around at family gatherings.

      • Anonymous

        I have no idea. Am hoping Headboard crushing Edward brings her back around so we can breakdown BDI together.

        • MariaCecilia

          All this talk about CRUSHING and BREAKING one thing and another is making me hungry so I’m going to go get some hard bread and brie cheese now…and then we can break down exactly what you shoud eat while in a car covered with Twi-stickers. Meat patties? Blood sausage? Blueberry cobbler? Or veggie burgers?

          • TeamSeth

            Black sausage and manchego.  For certain.

            Oooh, get me away from here I’m dyin’! (that was super random, and now I need to listen to Belle & Sebastian… on the radio. And I’m really sorry, for all the trouble we’ve caused)

      • MariaCecilia

        I guess you didn’t read the novel: vampires mate for life, so you’re pretty much stuck with these emotions now.. (cue to closing your eyes, crunching your brow and pinching the bridge of your nose in a pained way)

        • Anonymous

          that just made me giggle in public.

        • TeamSeth

          “When you’re in love, you’re in love all the way! From your first dazzled grin to your last dying day! When you’re in love you’re the swingingest teen, little girl you’re a vamp, little vamp you’re a queen! When you’re in love, you staaaay in loooove!” 
          “Now I know Bella like I know me, and I can guarantee you can count her in.” 
          “In, out, that’s what she said!”

          • Anonymous

            Please TS, do an LTT as Twi Saga: The Musical!!! I would heart that bad :)

  • http://twitter.com/MsYuppieScum Laura

    Dude, I totally want to go cruising in that car. In Forks, Washington.

    • TeamSeth

       You’d get shot.

      • TeamSeth

        (ok, not really, mobbed by the twihard tourists maybe)

        • Anonymous

          That’d be a great money maker…Twi tours in the Twimobile!

      • http://twitter.com/MsYuppieScum Laura

        OR I would love to rent it for driving past the BD red carpet over and over and over.

        • TeamSeth

           I would ride with you… well, maybe there’s a sun roof even?!  It would be epic.

          (hurries to look up license tag number’s owner)

    • MariaCecilia

      Seems more appropriate to go CRUSHING in that car…

  • OCDmom32

    Ok, This is so freaking hillar! I have to say, I just moved back to the great green state of Wash, I now live in Olympia, and Twilight is EVERYWHERE!!! I went to Seattle and a gift shop on the pier had an entire Twilight section! (I had to get the shirt that said “Twilight mom” on the front and “Forks WA” on the back in tattoo style…it popped to me) AND, did you know Charlie Swan has been replaced??? My husband is in law enforcement (we have two girls and the scene in Twilight at the table with the gun cleaning…spot on for my man!) ANYWAYS! He had to go to a lateral training on the…sorry, boring; and who was at this training you ask??? The NEW Chief of Police from Forks! My husband immediately texted me and asked if I wanted his autograph, he’s so good to me, Of course I didn’t want it unless he signed it “Charlie Swan”. If it’s possible, I am pretty sure I could hear my husband rolling his eyes through the responding text. I am so close to Forks I can barely stand it. I am dutifully waiting for my friend and fellow fan to come visit before I make the journey to my holy land though!

    • TeamSeth

      Such duty!  Just go!!! It’s like 3 hours from you.

      • Anonymous

        I cannot imagine living 3 hours from Forks…it is probably a good thing a live on the other side of the world.

        Am loving stories of such dedicated Twi- husbands.

        • MariaCecilia

          Yes, the constant  heart palpitations would make it impossible to get anything of value done…

  • Anonymous

    I’m so flattered you posted my version of the Breaking Dawn calendar!  I felt justified, because I think the original was photoshopped anyway, using random stand-ins’ bodies and sticking the Trinity’s heads on them.  Hence Rob’s pot belly and Kristin’s ample bosom.

    • Stacey

      That was wonderful! I am very impressed! You should tweet it to the actor Simon Pegg. He loves Star Trek and would get a kick out of it. It wouldn’t surprise me if he would hang it on his wall. Or take it to Comic-con and have the Twilight cast sign it.   

      • Anonymous

        Maybe I will, just because the thought of making him laugh makes me laugh.

        • drsaka

          That’s awesome!  Is Taylor supposed to be Gorn?

    • MariaCecilia

      Do you take requests, like a piano player at a bar? Could you make a Wuthering heights calendar? Rob should be Heathcliff of course! Or – God forbid – a Smurf calendar, working on the blue theme you’ve got going there? There was a very irritating Smurf girl dressed in white who almost wrecked the whole all-male Smurf society. Clearly someone with Bella-like qualities..

      • Anonymous

        If there is an existing image on the internet, it can be stolen and turned into something to laugh at via Photoshop!  Actually I never really learned proper Photoshop skills, I just hack my way through it and it takes me forever.  Maybe I could take a few requests and eventually have enough for another post on LTT?  No promises, cuz I’m kinda lazy.

        • ladyofthemeadow

          Uh oh, you’ve just opened a Pandora’s box of Photoshop requests from me:

          – Rob in black spandex
          – Taylor covered in meat patties (think Lady gaga’s meat dress)
          – Kellan as a drag queen
          – Billy with a full beard
          – KStew smiling?!

          • cosi bella

            Oh PLEEEEEASE I wanna see Taylor in a lady gaga meat dress.  I wanna see that so bad.  That is an EPIC idea.

      • Anonymous

        How dare you talk about Smurfette like that!!!

        • MariaCecilia

          Because she WAS irritating! And manufactured as a weapon by the arch enemy, I may add. Oh, not that the rest of the Smurfs weren’t irritating to boot, I admit..

          • TeamSeth

            “to boot” *smirk*

          • Anonymous

            I do not remember that part! Was that in the movie version? lol

            Lalalalala, Lalala

    • cosi bella

      Great job on the photoshopping.  But I’m curious about the midget “Thunderbird” sizing – (remember them?)

    • Snuggler

      OldOne, I bet I’m even older than you. Captain Kirk was one of my first crushes. This image is REALLY messing with my head, OMG two worlds collide! I’m walking around like an android saying ‘it does not compute!’… and now my head has fallen to one side..and now my light has gone off…

      • Anonymous

        I wouldn’t take that bet.  I crushed on Spock, if you can call it a crush.  Maybe more I identified with his general attitude.  And I’m living proof you can be a Trekker and a Twihard, not that I’m into labels.

        • Snuggler

          3 years on and I’m following William Shatner on Twitter (hilarious) and still lovin’ Rob. Where I come from we’re Trekkies not Trekkers but its all the same. Very sad to see a pic of Leonard Nimoy in a wheelchair at the airport recently. He should be immortal. Well, to us, he is. :-)

  • Rob’s slow mo’ strut

    I’m doing my bachelors in architecture and I’m reminded of Twilight in every course I take. 
    In Art Appreciation, we studied Dali and my twi BFF and I couldn’t stop laughing every time his face popped up on the projector screen, reminding us of Rob in Little Ashes. (I know that’s not exactly Twilight related, but still.)

    And in Environment and Design, we studied winter and summer solstice and EQUINOX! Again, my twi BFF and I exchanged knowing looks during that class.

    In Art and Architecture, both the clocktowers in Volterra and Montepulciano are described in the chapter Italian Gothic Architecture. (Thanks to Twilight, I know the names of these Italian cities. Twi-knowledge FTW!) 

    So as you can see, Twilight is everywhere. 

    • TeamSeth

      Er, wait, Volterra is a real place?

      • MariaCecilia

        Yes! I saw it in a guide book a couple of weeks ago! I know a couple of cool restaurants where Edward might have taken Bella!

        • TeamSeth

          Right, if he wasn’t busy trying to kill himself or roll his eyes at Aro while wearing a tattered blue button down.  And if Bella wasn’t busy screaming her head off after seeing the nun head into the Voluturi chambers.

          Also, if you do go (ahem), it’s somewhat near Pisa too! :D

          • MariaCecilia

            I know – the whole Volterra episode was such an epic date-fail!

    • Anonymous

      anything to do with Rob is Twi related, at least for a while. (Sorry, Rob, you know it’s true)

    • Anonymous

      I am excited about all the Twi-referencing appearing in world architecture when you two are let loose. Your first project should def be something big in Japan.

    • Anonymous

      Okay, I cracked open Cathi’s book and….she’s wearing a DALI shirt on set!!!! Did she really think that was the way to Rob’s heart? Cause I was gonna go with the Daniel Gale Rainbow Sweater.

      • TeamSeth

        She wanted to get credit for inspiring his next role too.

        • Anonymous

          He filmed Little Ashes first, TS. That’s where the creepy Uncle Eddie pics come from. I think she was just trying to brown nose!

          • TeamSeth

            Brown nose. heh. So many jokes, so little time. Okay, no… just one joke.

      • drsaka

        Always go with the rainbow sweater- I still heart the rainbow sweater.

  • Rob’s slow mo’ strut

    I’m doing my bachelors in architecture and I’m reminded of Twilight in every course I take. 
    In Art Appreciation, we studied Dali and my twi BFF and I couldn’t stop laughing every time his face popped up on the projector screen, reminding us of Rob in Little Ashes. (I know that’s not exactly Twilight related, but still.)

    And in Environment and Design, we studied winter and summer solstice and EQUINOX! Again, my twi BFF and I exchanged knowing looks during that class.

    In Art and Architecture, both the clocktowers in Volterra and Montepulciano are described in the chapter Italian Gothic Architecture. (Thanks to Twilight, I know the names of these Italian cities. Twi-knowledge FTW!) 

    So as you can see, Twilight is everywhere. 

  • MariaCecilia

    Sorry that I can’t contribute to the crazy: this part of the world seems like a desert Twi-wise right now. Can’t even say my twisted mind has managed to MAKE anything I’ve seen Twi-related lately. It’s all Harry Potter this week, you know, waiting for the opening on Wednesday!
    I have found my favourite phillosophical Wolf Pack though, to compensate for the lack of Twilosophy this Monday: http://www.explosm.net/comics/2188/

    Please note that this same entry was made by Rob…brooding about wolves no doubt. ;-)

    • Anonymous

      I think that sounds exactly like something Rob would make up. There is only one Rob in the world, right?

  • Anonymous

    I will not lie. I own a fair of legging jorts. they are comfy and super cute… those ones in the picture are fugly… I like mine though although if one has celulite or chubby legs they are not recommended. I however have chicken legs so its all good. 

    • Anonymous

      Glad to hear there’s somebody in the world besides the girl playing Leah who can wear things like that.  I was thinking she’d be the only one who could pull it off.

      • Anonymous

        They are perfect for Leah and they’re probably heavily discounted seeing as there is only approx 5 people in the whole world who can wear them. Oh wait, that never stops people buying skin tight pants.

        • Anonymous

          We know the Twi costumers like heavily discounted too… see discussion above of Alice’s failed wardrobe.

  • cosi bella

    Nothing Twilight has popped up for me.  Zero.  Twilight  seems to have fallen off the planet in my neck of woods.  Oh but I did see some twilight merchandise in FIVE BELOW but now it all  seems so ‘dated’ *SIGH*

    Closest twilight related thing for me was watching Red Riding Hood on pay per view which I ONLY watched because of Kathy directing it and the reviews here made me curious….

    It was pretty good.  But the guy who played the werewolf didn’t do anything for me;  Billy Burke as the dad just looked ridiculous to me,not old enough and that floppy hair!)  and made me giggle whenever he had any lines (Poor Billy – forever Bella’s Dad); Amanda Seyfried just reminds me of Veronica Cartwright with those bulging eyes (too distracting for a romantic role…for me).  And THEN the guy who played the other romantic role who I found was waaaaaay dishier than the other one ….was, I found out, Jeremy Irons’ SON!!!  (which made me feel  reeeeeeeeelly old & creepy.)

    So all things Twilight – just not heading in a good direction for me. (except LTT of course)

    • TeamSeth

      RRH was an hour and change of my life I wish I could get back.  The movie was so slow with zero payoff. And Billy Burke, while I love him, was only hot in one part and that had CGI in it… it made me wish that Charlie Swan became a vampire, that’s all I’m saying.

  • blondieinco

    I agree with MarbleNutSlut – you should do a “This random thing reminds me of Twilight” post!

  • TeamSeth

    Wait, is the trekward hand THE CLAW?!

  • Sisterpenguin

    Was visiting some friends in the French Alps (oooh, get me!) a couple of months ago and took a walk on my own on a sunny morning. After about a 20 minute walk through the shady pine forest it suddenly opened up into a small, circular, grassy clearing with lots of wild flowers and crocuses… The hairs on the back of my neck went up and I kept a beady eye out for Lawrence whilst I texted my Twi-friend a pic.
    There is no escape from TwiWorld (bless it’s cotton socks)!

    • Sisterpenguin

       Or Laurent even (how embarrassing, not even 2nd hand)

    • cosi bella

       Sisterpenguin, and your friends let you you do this?
      they lef you oll ay-lone, uuhn-pro-tectid? (love that line!)

  • Anonymous

    OOOH! I just got a “hahahhahaha” tweet from Bill Condon’s partner on twitter. SUCK ON THAT, CHRIS WEITZ.  I am funny. If you would just be my friend I would make you laugh. But that’s all over now, suckah. (not really. wear your yellow pants and meet me on google plus. we can have our own circle…”

    • natteringyeahrobber

      CW is missing out. You are funny. He should follow you – enough with his “I only follow people I know IRL” crap. If I followed that advice, I’d only follow one person. How sad would that be.

      Of course, he could secretly follow you, and he probably does. Maybe he’s just following the advice in that The Game movie he’s producing. He’s trying to simulate disinterest just to seduce you. And when he sees you getting attention from other Tweeters, I think the instruction is to pretend like he doesn’t care. Just to make you want him more.
      Too bad we are so smart and know all his tricks.

      • TeamSeth

        “Maybe he’s just following the advice in that The Game movie he’s producing.”

        REWIND.

        C-Dubs, who tweeted me Saturday to say that if ABL was a bust he was done making movies, is making a movie about Neil Strauss’ The Game?

        I WANT A PHONE CALL, CHRIS!!!!  This has escalated to that level and you know it! I feel cheated and betrayed and really mad.  Don’t make me come down there! I going to count to three, and if I haven’t heard from you by the time I get to three, well, you can kiss Spyglass Entertainment goodbye.
        And you’re grounded.

        • natteringyeahrobber

          He was just posturing. Another maneuver he no doubt picked up from The Game. Make them worry it’ll never happen again, then they’ll come (TWSS – or actually, more like TWTSS- that’s what Team Seth said – I’m going to say TWTSS from now on). 

          I have to ditch work to watch his movie, which thankfully is conveniently playing about a 2 minute walk from my work. Only this week is bad work-wise, so maybe I’ll see it next week. I did promise him that I’d see it, so I should honor my promise. It would be a lot more fun to see it with him, though. He never gives, just takes takes takes takes. Does he ever comment here on our hard-earned (TWTSS) responses? No. He plays by the damned Game book and it works. 

          • TeamSeth

            I disagree. My relationship with Chris does not reach that far.  He may attempt to take, but one can only take what another gives. And I told him straight up: Oh, C-Dubs, you slay me. If I help you with ABL, will you help me with
            my script?

            The joke’s on him though, because I don’t have a script (yet). I just want him to know that just because he buys me dinner doesn’t mean I have to put out.

            And I don’t want any more of his movies. Shoulda cashed in with the Ice Bears, dude, we could be doing more exciting things now.

          • TeamSeth

            was that enough TWTSS for you?

        • Anonymous

          If anyone needs proof of this phenom, see TS’s twitter stream from 10:45ish.
          *huffs*

          • TeamSeth

            Sigh. I shouldn’t miss him, right?

            (sips coffee) (forces self to get off LTT and finish big project due today) (gulps some coffee) (glad I can’t access twitter at work)

        • Anonymous

          CW said he was retiring from making movies after New Moon.  He probably says it after every movie, just so we’ll admire his integrity and feel sorry for him.

          • TeamSeth

            That man. I swear.  (I love this comment)

      • Anonymous

        Ooooh Tricksy!

        I bet he does secret follow me. Him and Jacksper probably have a Secret Celebrity Twitter where they can follow their regular people crushes. I bet somewhere there is some Celebrity Only magazine, where they gather up random facebook photos of us to coo over.

        CDubs:”Damn, did you see MarbleNutSlut got new glasses? I think I like the other ones better. What is she thinking?” 

        JR: “They are okay, especially when she wears her hair all up in that messy bun? Then she looks like a disheveled hipster librarian.”

        Jack_Morrissey: “Bitches. Those glasses are fierce!”

        • TeamSeth

          This seems highly plausible. Especially that Jack would say fierce and C-Dubs would play the “lost interest” card. You can almost imagine him put on the Northman voice all, “NutSlut, don’t underestimate yourself! Your old glasses are too valuable to throw away.”

  • Anonymous
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