Stuff that STILL shocks me about Twilight fandom

Dear Twilight,

Yesterday when I was hitting my midday wall and looking for something to distract me (so around 10:30 am), I got a chat message from my friend sending me a conversation HER friend sent her that she was currently having with a sometimes boyfriend. About Twilight. Confused? Just wait until you read the names I gave them:

Guy who can’t believe people have so much time to figure out names as complicated as this: I’m reading that TwiMoms blog. Someone is saying “Oh my Jacob” like “Oh my God” Also, one woman’s signature is “Owner of one of Esmee’s tears” Okay, I’ve figured more of this out, if you have even a molecule of interest in hearing the explanation
Twi-loving sometimes girlfriend: yes
Guy who can’t believe people have so much time to figure out names as complicated as this: Best I can tell, a lot of these women have signatures that say they’re the “owner” or something. From things like Esme’s tears, to weird, abstract things like “Charlie and Renee’s divorce” or “Bella being absurd” One woman is owner of Carlisle’s Hippocratic Oath, Elizabeth Mason’s deathbed, and “The fire that is Bella’s raw throat after her cliff-diving near-death experience.”

[My friend reading conversation sent by her friend the Twi-loving sometimes girlfriend and sending it to me: was it sad that i knew it was Masen not Mason?
UC: No, That's Normal. He also butchered the spelling of Esme's name. But I'll let it slide]

Twi-loving sometimes girlfriend Someone is the owner of “Edward’s anguish and resolve when he believes that Bella committed suicide”

UC: this is so embarrassing
My friend reading conversation sent by her friend the Twi-loving sometimes girlfriend and sending it to me: like, you think stupid shiny volvos and stuff are embarrassing. please.
UC: WHY is he reading Twimoms!?
My friend reading conversation sent by her friend the Twi-loving sometimes girlfriend and sending it to me
: She doesn’t know. killing time maybe? good place for it
UC: seriously

Twi-loving sometimes girlfriend: That woman is also the owner of “Carlisle’s amazement at Elizabeth Masen’s astute inference in her dying wish” Though this woman ALSO owns “Bella clinging to the side-mirror of her truck to avoid landing on her tush in the ice” you’ll love that one

UC: hahahahahhahaaahahahahahahahaha. this is blowing my mind

This shocked even me. Just when I think I have seen EVERYTHING in the Twilight fandom, I find out that there are people with names on forums so complicated from obscure, minute details from a book I clearly have never read that thoroughly. I thought naming myself “UnintendedChoice” was weird- it IS a line from Muse song, you know (I bet Stephenie knew that!).

Are there woman on a forum thread about the movie actors with names like “That one time Rob looked at Kristen & we knew Robsten was real” or “Back to December and that time when I could believe in the love of Swiftner?” Are there owners of “The Lautner family “preferred customer card” from the Olive Garden?” Does someone claim to own “The catfish farm where Jackson was born?” How about the “owner of the box where Dakota Fanning’s virginity is being held?” Has anyone thought of that? I think it’s time for a name change! Clearly I’m not crazy enough about Twilight!

Love,

Owner of “That one moment when Edward was like “Oh F*ck” after he realized he knock-ed up Bella and was probably gonna have a kid with a name no one could ever spell” (otherwise known as unintendedChoice)

What name do YOU wish you had thought of? Be like a Twimom & pick a new one (just for today though, ok? That’s just weird…)

I HATE MOON

REMINDER ABOUT THE WORST NEWS EVER ABOUT MOON GOING TO AFRICA FROM JULY 28-AUGUST 17 FML: If you have something burning you’ve been DYING to “talk” to Twilight about, please e-mail us a letter at letterstotwilight@gmail.com! You can include pics if you want (links or attachments are best) or I’ll find appropriate ones for you! The more emails we get, the more posts there will be while Moon is gone. I’m going away towards the end of Moon’s trip, so LTT will either have the occasional letter from me, bitching about how much I miss Moon, letters from YOU, or nothing but a “Gone Fishin’” sign, which would probably make the owner of “I wish they’d make a movie about the life of Jasper & Alice” sad. Don’t make that person any sadder than she already is sad.

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store
  • Anonymous

    is it sad that I thought “Bella’s Stolen Distributor Cap”, and then thought, “no, too obvious”? Is that a comment on my crazy, or my perceived level of your crazy?
    :)

  • http://twitter.com/Shahyra Natasha

    Owner of greasy bag of Harry Clearwater’s famous fish fry. BTW do you know there is a blog with Twilight/Bella’s recipe? http://twilightcooking.livejournal.com/1622.html

    • Themoonisdown

       after i got done saying NOOO!!!! i said of course there is! of course there is a blog with twilight recipes.

  • operarose

    Oh…wow. So what I want to know, is there a Twimoms warehouse where they assemble all of the elements (tangible and abstract) from the Twilight series and then redistribute them to Twimoms? Who is in charge of said warehouse? Then what do Twimoms get out of it? Is it like Twilight stock, where it rises and falls (and perhaps even crashes) from time to time? Isn’t Stephenie the owner of all of it? So many questions.

    As for ownership, there are so many options to choose from: the split second Jacob contemplates what it would be like to have Bella’s “puppies”; Bella’s bouncy, curly hair in the end of Eclipse movie, Jacob’s left pectoralis minor, Edward’s lemonade served on a porch whilst courting Bella, the bloody straw of Bella’s sippy cup (gag), the shard of glass from Bella’s arm in New Moon, Edward’s chagrin…

    • Anonymous

      “Edward’s chagrin” *snort*

    • natteringyeahrobber

      I love the idea of a Twilight warehouse. Only I don’t think any item should be for sale. Twilight has been commercialized to death already. It should be more of a lending library. Anyone can borrow, but there are 2 rules that must be followed. And yes, there will be enforcement. No grace periods. No exceptions.

      1. Strict 1 item/emotion per borrower with 1 week lending period.
      2. Item/sensory experience to be returned in original condition. No alterations.

      If above 2 rules are not followed, the designated enforcer (Man in the Purple Suit) will pay a visit to your home at an unscheduled time. Could be a day, could be a week, could be 10 years from now. But he will visit. He will take you away to the Twilight Reform Camp, where you will need to service him/the Camp in a way he deems appropriate, until he feels you are disciplined enough to return home. There is no internet access, no access to Twilight forums. Just you, the Purple Man, and the other damned souls.

      • The Old One

        I’d be OK with that if Man in the Purple Suit was Rob.

        • natteringyeahrobber

          Well, that wouldn’t be much of a punishment, now would it. TomStu might be a better Man in the Purple Suit, especially with his current beard.

          http://i56.tinypic.com/2iiy74k.jpg

          • Anonymous

            I Opposite-Claim all the gum and bedbugs in TomStu’s beard.

          • The Old One

            I see your Tom Sturridge beard pic and raise you a muppet:
            http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lmjwjjzRZY1ql1bk0o1_500.png

          • Stacey

            TomStu was a muppet even without the beard. Or a serial killer. See what happens when the ONLY TomStu movie I ever watched had him play someone creepy. Now whenever I see him I will think that he is a serial killing muppet that’s ALSO a hermit in the mountains. Jason Segal should have added him into the new Muppet movie. 

      • TeamSeth

        This reminds me of how currency works at Burning Man…

        • natteringyeahrobber

          It is more like a brutal regime library than some hippie drippy barter system, TS. We don’t trade massages for Edward’s smug look as he walks across the parking lot with Bella. No. You take and you return or you do Tomstu’s bidding. End. 

          • TeamSeth

            We’re not giving Edward cock massages?

          • natteringyeahrobber

            Uh, you might want to check with the LTR lending library. I hear they trade Edward headboard sessions for hot Jacob Jankowski leg hitches in a cheap hotel by the train tracks.

  • Anonymous

    I just want the sleeveless white button-down.  The mileage on Bella’s tank-proof sedan would be prohibitive.  And I’m sure a billion Twi-Moms have already staked their claim to the island hideaway.
    “The catfish farm where Jackson was born.”  HAhahahaha!

  • natteringyeahrobber

    Other sites might place claim on random items that are actually in the books/movies, like Bellas’s tin of multi-colored paper clips or Edward’s wooden globular bookends. But no, here on LTT we comment on items that may or may not exist, like Charlie’s linty black thigh-length bathrobe, the freezer in the basement stocked with dead squirrels, or Jessica’s side job as an FBI informant. Or Edward’s scratch and sniff strawberry sticker stash or the single strand of Bella’s hair that Mike Newton strokes every night. Because we…we are the more normal fan site. 

    • Anonymous

      I own Edward’s girlish squee every time he lovingly fondles Bella’s stolen lemonade cap (iced tea? I can’t remember. don’t make me check.)

      • Anonymous

        Pretty sure it’s lemonade.  Without checking.  Because knowing off the top of your head is normal and stopping to check isn’t :)

        • TeamSeth

          It’s lemonade. I know this because I’m the owner of He Knew My Low Tolerance For Caffeine

          • Anonymous

            It is, isn’t it? Which reminds me, I own the look Edward gives Bella on the plane back from Italy when she orders a coke.

          • TeamSeth

            You always liked to come first, didn’t you?

          • Anonymous

            Edwards preference for Bella to drink lemonade rather than coke is what people should really point to when trying to prove that Stephenie’s trying to convert us all to Mormanism via vampires.

    • The Old One

      Or the half of a doobie (or whatever the young folks call it these days) sitting in Tyler’s van’s ashtray.

    • ladyofthemeadow

      Dead squirrels, ew! Maybe last summer’s deer meat, from when Harry was still alive.

      My version of (ab)Normal:

      I’ll lay claim to the razor that Charlie uses on his handsome face every other day. Would love to stroke those cheeks (twss).

      Charlie, boxers or briefs? I’ve always wondered. So I’ll be Charlie’s Drawers.

      • natteringyeahrobber

        I have a feeling that Charlie loves having his face shaved. He probably doesn’t even realize that he doesn’t have to pay women to do it for him. Although, I suppose the shame of paying a stranger to shave him is also a turn-on.

        Charlie seems more brief kind of guy to me. I mean, probably wore boxers in his married days but then reverted back to briefs because he likes the snuggly feeling.

        I also want to be all the crumbs in Charlie’s keyboard. You know he spends nights on some face-shaving-fetish chat forum with a big bag of potato chips in his lap.

        • Anonymous

          I love your mind.

          • ladyofthemeadow

            Seconded!!!

          • The Old One

            Thirded

          • TeamSeth

            Fourthed.

          • natteringyeahrobber

            Well, shucks y’all. Did I mention that Charlie really likes it when you hot lather his face up? So much more civilized than just cold foam. 

            On that note, I’m claim hot foamy sage-scented lather that drips down his neck, onto the slightly too tight and too short white t-shirt worn under his police uniform. Also the warm damp red towel he uses to wipe the remaining foam off his face with. 

          • TeamSeth

            OH! TOO! What is your twitter and/or email because I need someone to discuss A Better Life with and no one else has seen it… and I heard that you did.

          • The Old One

            Twitty me:  @Toomud

    • Anonymous

      Wait, wait. I don’t remember this one ‘Edward’s scratch and sniff strawberry sticker stash’

    • Themoonisdown

       “the single strand of Bella’s hair that Mike Newton strokes every night”

      JAHAHAHAHA

  • Linda

    I want to be the owner of “the moment Bella realized that it would cause her physical pain to be separeted from Edward”.

  • HowToBe

    Hi, I’m “Owner of the twifandom’s lost sanity.” :D

  • http://profiles.google.com/rpatzb Kim Herman

    OMEdward, this had me snorting at my desk.

    • http://letterstotwilight.com UnintendedChoice

      nice. OMEdward

  • Anonymous

    I DISown!!!!

  • Sisterpenguin

    I wanna be “Bella’s soda cap that Edward plays with and retains in his pocket”.
    Oh my Jacob – I’ve lost it!

    • The Old One

      Can I just be Edward’s hand in Edward’s pocket, no matter what he’s playing with?

      • Anonymous

        oh hell yes

    • TeamSeth

      This makes me want to be The Smile Shared Between Esme and Alice When They Hear Him Playing The Piano Again

      OR

      Look Shared Between Esme and Alice After Seeing Bella’s Lemonade Cap On The Piano

  • Anonymous

    Today I will be The moment that Bella realized that Edward and her fit together like they had been made for each other. Or I could be Bella’s quiet reflection the morning after about how Edward and her fit together like they had been made for each other. I think the later is just a tad crazier, so I’ll go with it.
    Brazilian maid on Ilse Esme’s fear of Edward the beautiful demon.
    Bella’s first bite of fried chicken right out of the frying pan.
    Edward’s water shoes.
    Bella’s time in the bathroom doing human things.
    Have I forgotten everything from the first three books?

  • Edible art ?

    Oh dear this is rather embarrassing – I now have to admit my name is actually short for “the kinetic energy expended when the apple falls through the air and lands on Edwards foot as he quips edible art?in the cafeteria” (film not book – so not as hardcore as I thought)

    • Anonymous

      Good for you for letting us in on your full name. Way to woman up.

  • Anonymous

    I always wondered about the extent of the fandom. Now I take it back. I don’t venture past LTT much.  It’s safer here.

    I am sorry UC, but I suck at writing and am not very fun.  I do believe there is talent out there that needs to stop being shy and just do it! One idea though is to write Dear Moon, letters about all the things she is missing while leaving us abandoned for Lord knows how long  Who said any of the stuff she will miss has to be true.  Oh the endless possibilities.

    As for a name – Owner of the Jacob-sun heat

    • Themoonisdown

      YES!! the stuff we all make up is far more interesting than the truth

  • Anonymous

    Movie specifics: I will be……
    Edward’s propensity for tree climbing.
    Hallucination Edward as he gets wooshed away by the water as Bella is being dragged up to the surface by Jacob
    One Eyed Pete’s

    • TeamSeth

      One Eyed Pete’s is a book/movie crossover!

      But this inspires me to be the owner of Ditch In Portland Next To Police Station Where Serial Rapist’s Body Is Dumped … or maybe Jessica’s Goal — The Familiar Golden Arches In The Distance

  • Anonymous

    Bella`s nibbled bottom lip!

  • Anonymous

    Edward`s mothering hips

  • Anonymous

    The pause Edward takes to prepare himself to kiss Bella for the first time in her bedroom.

    • The Old One

      Mmm, yes, that was probably the best moment ever.  Can I borrow it?

      • TeamSeth

        See Nat’s warehouse regulations above.

      • TeamSeth

        See Nat’s warehouse regulations above.

      • TeamSeth

        See Nat’s warehouse regulations above.

      • TeamSeth

        See Nat’s warehouse regulations above.

      • TeamSeth

        See Nat’s warehouse regulations above.

  • Anonymous

    Every time Edward low talks so only Bella can hear. Especially when he is low talking so that Charlie won`t hear him. I won`t even lay claim over Bella`s favorite crooked smile, because I`m sure it is taken. I don`t want it anyway really. Every time I read a line about it, it made me smile a lame crooked smile too. I just did it. It is an involuntary reaction.

    • Anonymous

      OMG I just did too! Weird!

      I claim Bree and Diego’s unfulfilled love story. BAM! Deep Cuts! That’s what I am all about!

      • Anonymous

        Maybe it is something everyone does. Maybe there are millions of crooked smiles happening all over world right now, all caused by Twilight reading. The creepy thing about mine is that I don`t do it with my whole face. My eyes stay the same, and only my mouth moves. I`m 100% sure it looks more like a partial facial paralysis than a smile, I can feel it.

        • Anonymous

          I just realized I also bite my bottom lip when I read slash (the slash key on my computer is making a é right now, the kids must have been doing some typing) think about Bella doing it. No wonder I don`t read Twilight books in public. What else do I doÉ Okay that was supposed to be a question mark.

          • Anonymous

            Oh I bite my lip when I read slash, too.

            Oh, you meant…

            *shrug* I stand by it.

        • TeamSeth

          Actually, I’m willing to guess you look like Jackson Rathbone.

        • TeamSeth

          Actually, I’m willing to guess you look like Jackson Rathbone.

        • TeamSeth

          Actually, I’m willing to guess you look like Jackson Rathbone.

        • TeamSeth

          Actually, I’m willing to guess you look like Jackson Rathbone.

        • TeamSeth

          Actually, I’m willing to guess you look like Jackson Rathbone.

          • Anonymous

            Speaking of
            Jacksper: I may have asked him how to perform fellatio on Twitter today…and he may have retweeted it. Now I know the way to his heart….

            Well, I suppose I could have guessed at that without confirmation.

        • Anonymous

          I’m crooked half-smiling readingt this conversation.

      • operarose

        Don’t you mean “OME”? (Or OMJ, depending on your preferences)

        • Anonymous

          I don’t. I really, really don’t.:)

    • TeamSeth

      After I watch Twilight I find myself exhaling more prominently and running my hand through my hair excessively. Allowing my long sleeves to cover half my hand and consider hiding some pepper spray in there.  OH! Owner of It’d Give Your Pop Some Peace 

      • Anonymous

        Owner of Bella’s fluttering blink and stutter… Crap! KStew already owns that

    • TeamSeth

      After I watch Twilight I find myself exhaling more prominently and running my hand through my hair excessively. Allowing my long sleeves to cover half my hand and consider hiding some pepper spray in there.  OH! Owner of It’d Give Your Pop Some Peace 

    • TeamSeth

      After I watch Twilight I find myself exhaling more prominently and running my hand through my hair excessively. Allowing my long sleeves to cover half my hand and consider hiding some pepper spray in there.  OH! Owner of It’d Give Your Pop Some Peace 

    • TeamSeth

      After I watch Twilight I find myself exhaling more prominently and running my hand through my hair excessively. Allowing my long sleeves to cover half my hand and consider hiding some pepper spray in there.  OH! Owner of It’d Give Your Pop Some Peace 

    • TeamSeth

      After I watch Twilight I find myself exhaling more prominently and running my hand through my hair excessively. Allowing my long sleeves to cover half my hand and consider hiding some pepper spray in there.  OH! Owner of It’d Give Your Pop Some Peace 

  • Anonymous

    I am going to go way out there and be:

    Every time Daniel Tosh mentions Robert Pattinson on Tosh.O

    Because he does. Not just once. And for pretty much no reason. My suspicion there is that some members of his staff or people in his life must be Twilight obsessed, and he probably knows way more than he is letting on. I say if things remind you of his sparkliness on a regular basis you are by default a Twihard, even if you have not read the books or watched the movies all the way through.

    • Stacey

      Tosh did mention Rob last night. My husband and I laughed. Then I felt guilty and tried to defend Pattinson’s delicate nature. Which made me laugh harder, because I was defending Pattinson’s “delicate nature”.

      I have the sense of humor of a 13 year old boy. No wonder I like Daniel Tosh so much. (Even though I try really hard to be appalled by him instead.)

      • Anonymous

        I too was hesitant to love Tosh.O. The whole idea of someone re-making money (after the original video posters make money from YouTube) by showing YouTube clips on TV. But then I watched a few episodes, and saw how involved he is, I like how goes and gets the original people involved, enjoys humiliating himself, and really, I don`t have time to devote to finding funny crap on YouTube (obviously all my internet time is devoted to LTT), so the show is really doing a lot of work for me. That and toilet humor is not an obstacle for me.

      • Anonymous

        now I want to watch that show. in what context was anyone talking about his delicate nature?

        and, to be fair, I think most people here have the sense of humor of a 13 year old boy. It’s just a guess. :)

        • Anonymous

          I have seen him do it twice. Once in reference to him being a sparkling `gay`vampire, last night to being just gay and or wimpy. Stupid, but I don`t care. Any reference to RP has my furry ears perked up and facing forward.

          • Anonymous

            understood. me, too.

            most men think Brits are gay. Wrong accent, dummies.

          • Stacey

            It was funny, that during the commercials during Tosh there was the trailer for Fright Night and of course…a Twilight joke.  

    • TeamSeth

      Who is Daniel Tosh?

    • TeamSeth

      Who is Daniel Tosh?

    • TeamSeth

      Who is Daniel Tosh?

    • TeamSeth

      Who is Daniel Tosh?

  • http://letterstotwilight.com UnintendedChoice

    i love you all. you are SO hilarious today. Dang I just laughed at my catfish joke again

    also how i said this:  Don’t make that person any sadder than she already is sad.

    I have the giggles at myself. which is weird. i rarely make myself laugh!!

    • Pammy

      Your catfish and olive garden preferred card jokes are classic! Love it!!!
      I am owner of the kiss on Bella’s neck at the prom scene Mmm!
      Wait that sounds so weird when it’s typed out!

  • Stacey

    Can I request ownership of… Edward becoming Bella’s pimp, so she will have mutts instead of demon babies?

    It’s long, but perfect. I wonder if Snow White Drifted can make me a shirt of it?

  • Stacey

    Can I request ownership of… Edward becoming Bella’s pimp, so she will have mutts instead of demon babies?

    It’s long, but perfect. I wonder if Snow White Drifted can make me a shirt of it?

    • TeamSeth

      OOOH! I think there should be a specialty line from today… The July 27th Owners Line

    • Anonymous

      I so want to be the owner of “the purple fedora Edward imagined himself wearing as Bella’s pimp”

  • http://twitter.com/iknow_right I know, right?

    I’m shocked! Dismayed! Confused! I’ve never considered these little angles and I’ve read the books countless — and I mean COUNTLESS — times! OK so here goes, I’m taking a risk here – Bella’s paper plate while they ate spaghetti at Jacobs house with the Clearwaters and Charlie, while Leah was on the phone the whole time. Sigh. New Moon breaks my heart every time. And then there is the Kleenex & Qtips from the long makeup session before the big wedding where Alice worked on Bella for hours, and she couldn’t see Edward but she knew he was back from the bachelor party. AAAND Finally the egg shells in the trash on Isle Esme from eating dozens and dozens of eggs on honeymoon and Bella didn’t know she could eat that much. I could go on… this is freakishly inspirational and I’m kinda irritated/intrigued yet… it’s like a confusing black hole. I could even go into fried chicken grease from midnight snack with out Edwardairconditioner. STOP ME!!! This is fun!? EEK!

  • Anonymous

    Owner of “the depression Edward left the soft snow bank in Denali… as he contemplated whether to leave or return to Forks… after his first encounter with Bella in Biology”. (Midnight Sun)

    • Anonymous

      nice one!

      I’ll be Tanya’s knee prints beside you….

      • Stacey

        I might have snorted at the reference to Tanya on her knees. It probably a frequent position for her.

        Which make me think…owner of Tanya’s desperate seduction techniques.

        • Anonymous

          I see your mind went where mine did with MNS’s comment.

          *giggles*

          • Anonymous

            ha ha. I own Edward’s blue balls, especially when Bella shows up at the house looking “sexy” in her motorcycle outfit. And when she makes him sex her up by wearing that flimsy outfit but mostly just because she cried. (some dudes like that, I guess? A little weird, but you know what? I would cry too if E wouldn’t fuck me.) (I mean, after consenting to. Cocktease.)

        • TeamSeth

          Oooh Burn!

    • Anonymous

      I like it, very poetic. I was thinking of a game only a true Twilight fan could love. Pick a book, close your eyes and turn to a page, find something to own. I`ll do it once because I have half a second. I`m going Twilight:

      Okay, I`ll be Bella`s head spinning at the rapid change in direction of the conversation from her impending demise to declaring themselves.

      P.S. Bella, that is pretty much every convo you two have in Twilight, so there might be a lot of head spinning.

    • TeamSeth

      I see your depression and raise you owner of But the Beautiful Night Sky Wasn’t Visible, All I Could See Was Her Face

  • Anonymous

    Owner of “the Volturi robe lent to Edward after his attempt to ‘expose’ himself at the Saint Marcus Day celebration in Volterra”.  Was it Demitri or Felix?

    • TeamSeth

      Felix.

      What? Shirtless Daniel Cudmore!

      • Anonymous

        Your kryptonite. Understandable

        Oooo! I need to email you something quick!

  • Anonymous

    I will be: TayLau’s awkward grey suit:

    http://i.imgur.com/lXjCK.gif

    • Anonymous

      Okay so if they can CGI over a grey suit… does that mean Bella’s lime-green bikini we’ve seen from Breaking Dawn stills isn’t for green-screen purposes?

      • The Old One

        I think they didn’t need a green-screen suit because no part of Taylor was going to be used in the final.  He just did it out of the goodness of his heart so Kristen would have something real to relate to as opposed to a tennis ball or something.  May I say I love Taylor for that!

        • TeamSeth

          You may :)

  • JodieO

    Can I be the owner of the collective shame of the sane Twilight fans? 

    Oh wait, I already am. 

    • http://letterstotwilight.com UnintendedChoice

      like

  • http://www.talksupe.wordpress.com snowwhitedrifted

    I’m Charlie’s Well Used Bottle of Hoppe’s 9.

    • Anonymous

      And a side of Vitamin R — I mean, who doesn’t clean their rifle without a healthy dose of Vitamin R?

    • Anonymous

      And Charlie’s “I’ll be nice ‘halo’”.

  • http://www.talksupe.wordpress.com snowwhitedrifted

    I want to be Carlisle and Caius’s mutal love of scarves!

    • Anonymous

      I want to be Carlisle and Caius’s mutual love! It’s why they are so awkward around each other now. It’s why Esme never goes to Italy. I read it on Twilight Lex. Or some random slashfic. Probably that.

      • Jennyb114

        I love everything you say. Seriously. Ten thumbs up for the wit.

        • TeamSeth

          whispers: she’s my favorite.

          • Anonymous

            whispers: I just wanna try one thing…

          • TeamSeth

            says forcefully: Don’t move.

  • Anonymous

    Hmmm. there are so many possibilities;

    -Owner of Charlie’s cop stash
    -Owner of the moment Edward first smells Bella and almost kills her but sees the angel and devil on his shoulders (aka, monster, red eyed Edward & glowing Carlisle)
    -Owner of Alice’s vision of Edward and Bella’s honeymoon
    -Owner of the rust spray that sheds off of the old Chevy truck whenever the doors are slammed shut
    -Owner of the bitten pillows
    -Owner of the sapling Edward uprooted watching Mike touch Bella’s hair
    -Owner of Edward’s shock that Bella’s wasn’t repulsed by the fact he killed ans fed on humans for a time
    -Owner of the moment Bella asks if someday she (for the first time) can get to have sex with Edward
    -owner of the awkward sex talk between Charlie and Bella and Bella blurts she’s a virgin
    -Owner of the phone ring that stops Jacob from kissing Bella

    Great, now I’m getting the itch to read the books again.
    Love,
    Owner of the bump on Mike’s forehead when Bella wacked him on the head with the tennis racket, (aka TeamJacobEdward)

    • TeamSeth

      Owner of the sapling Edward uprooted watching Mike touch Bella’s hair

      Wow.

      I wanna be owner of Each Time Bella Exits Gym Class To Find Edward Waiting For Her

  • Jessigrlkc

    I would like to be the owner of Alice’s “OH SHIT” moment in Twilight when she realizes Bella took off on her in the airport…

  • Anonymous

    Owner of “the stuffed white snowy owl on the counter behind Edward in Biology
    that gives him that ‘angel’s wings’ effect while he’s fighting his
    instinct to kill Bella”. 

    • TeamSeth

      ARMADILLO!

  • Themoonisdown

    owner of the moment in breaking dawn where the guy checks out bella in the bullet proof bmw at the gas station. because WHY???? he should have been a bad guy? or at least gave her a good pick up line. so many things in bd….

    • http://www.talksupe.wordpress.com snowwhitedrifted

      That’s it. I want to be Bella’s camel colored cashmere sweater dress when she meets J.Janks.

      Or Bella’s strawberry shampoo. I wonder if it smeels like Snow Jr’s Elmo shampoo.

      • Anonymous

        True confession: somebody gave me a Philosophy birthday mix of soaps that has “strawberry ice cream” body wash and I think of Twilight every time I use it.

    • TeamSeth

      Owner of The Nervous Approach of Said Guy Who Asks To Take a Picture With Her Car

    • Anonymous

      confession: if my inner car aficianado (aka gear-head) pulled up to a Guardian… it’d probably make me take a photo with it too.  last week i saw 3 Aston Martin’s in one day… two of them Vanquishes.  that’s when my inner Twi-fangirl wanted to ask their owner’s to pull over for a photo-op (and ask them if Edward had inspired their purchase).

      • TeamSeth

        I’m so jealous you had such sightings! I saw the maserati that’s in my novel the other day and just stared…taking in how the light shined off its charcoal paint. The owner was like, “MOVE YOUR FUCKING ASS ACROSS THE ROAD, LADY!”  (ok, not really…maybe in his head)

      • Anonymous

        I saw an Aston Martin the other day, too! I am not a super car girl but I was all YES PLS.

  • TeamSeth

    Would the owner of But It Didn’t Reach His Eyes come to the customer service desk to collect your marbles. That’s the owner of But It Didn’t Reach His Eyes.

  • http://letterstotwilight.com UnintendedChoice

    you are killing me today. love you all. it’s days like this that i HOPE stephenie still reads LTT!

    • youweregone

      Oh I hope she does!  These comments are amazing! The brightest group of commenters ever!

  • Kaybvee

    OK OK, my owl and armadillo were swiped-damn it took a long time to scroll through comments today.

    I’ll take Mr. Molina’s steaming cup of compost tea…DON’T DRINK THAT!

    • ladyofthemeadow

      I’ll take the field trip school bus, because Edward goes into it (blush)

      • kaybvee

        And we all know what kind of shenanigans happen on field trip school buses…

  • TeamSeth

    Ok, just tried to get to LTT website by typing in “doesnthover”

    Super. That makes me really happy.

    But what I wanted to comment about was to ask: Do you think that Bella got a brain freeze from kissing Edward?

    • Anonymous

      Some people don’t get them, apparently it’s genetic. I do, *sigh*

      • TeamSeth

        Genetic?! Are you serious?

        • Anonymous

          Either that or pure greed + stupidity.

      • ladyofthemeadow

        I bet Jacob doesn’t get them. 108 degrees even in his mouth.

  • TeamSeth

    Owner of the Physcial Opposing Forces Between The Two Refrigerator Magnets as well as The-Big-Talks-and-Events-All-Happen-Here Kitchen Sink

    • Anonymous

      and the “bright yellow cabinets Renee painted ‘to bring some sunshine into the house’”

  • TeamSeth

    All you people made me crave fried chicken. I hope you’re happy. (vegetarian fiance = no fried chicken!)

  • operarose

    I’m disappointed that no one has yet laid claim to the magicness of Robsten or the bearskin rug or Moantreal or the hand-holding in Paris CDG airport. 

    Or are those things not up for grabs? 

    • Anonymous

      nobody wants RobSten. Too sticky.

      • Anonymous

        Please explain sticky. TIA.

        • Anonymous

          I have no idea what TIA means? Traci Is Awesome? Truly It’s Amazing? Transformation In Action? IDK.

          Anyway, the whole RobSten thing…the speculation, the OMG Their *Hands* Are Almost *Touching* And Now *Look* They Are *Speaking* To Each Other, the mouth-foaming on both sides, the blurring of lines between fiction and the reality that both of those Actual, Real Human People are really sort of young (esp. K!) to be in a Forever Relationship, not to mention they are both Adorable Young Actors, Prone to Sexing Up CoStars It’s Nearly Inevitable That KStew Is Gonna Shag That Muscly Dude In The Snow White Movie I Mean Really Why WOULDN’T She…

          But mostly it’s sticky because it’s nobody’s BizSten and I really wish they would just come out and be like, “We have been dating since I was 17! I used to be jailbait!” or:

          “When we happen to be in the same town together we totally fuck and have long intense conversations over tortilla soup” or:

          “We totally fucked in my trailer during Twilight and New Moon, but then had a way too long and involved intellectual debate over the nature of relationships and the futility of making promises about fleeting and changeable things like emotions the future is unknowable let’s just drink vodka and eat Double Doubles”

          or WHATEVER. I don’t even know why it bothers me so much. I know nothing about celebrity relationships except that Brangelina are together and have kids because it’s impossible NOT to know that. 

          Does that make sense?

          • natteringyeahrobber

            I claim MarbleNutSlut’s hilarious-ranty-bother over sticky Robsten!

          • natteringyeahrobber

            I claim MarbleNutSlut’s hilarious-ranty-bother over sticky Robsten!

          • Kaybvee

            Perfect-thankee! Just what I wanted (as per usual)…

            TIA=thanks in advance, otherwise annoying boss speak…

          • Anonymous

            Your boss says “TIA” for Thanks in Advance? I think you are legally allowed to stab him in the neck with a pen in certain states.

          • TeamSeth

            Double Doubles! hahaha

          • operarose

            I claim ownership of the tortilla soup. (yum) …minus the red peppers of course

  • Anonymous

    Owner of “the cute little cactus Bella brings with her to Forks from Phoenix”.

  • Anonymous

    I love today.

    Owner of ‘Bella’s crappy internet connection that delayed her figuring out what Edward is by several minutes’

    and also ‘the gin & tonic Rebecca Black sucks down as looks over a perfect Hawaiian sunset from her beach house veranda thanking the gods she got the hale out of Forks’

  • Anonymous

    Or ‘Renee’s lost mobile phone charger’

    This is addictive and too much fun, it must be normal.

    • TeamSeth

      It IS too much fun. I feel like everyday should be owner day.

  • Anonymous

    ‘The inside of the Doritos packet Jacob surely licked clean after stealing it back from Paul’.

  • Anonymous

    “Owner of Jacob’s camo sweat soaked sheets when he had typhoid fever”
     

    • TeamSeth

      Unwashed.

  • chochang

    Owner of Stephenie’s finished draft of Midnight Sun which she refuses to publish because she’s already too embarrassed by the scale of the insanity of the entire Twilight universe. 

  • Tigerkitten36

    I think I want to be “We laughed together, and the motion of our laughter did interesting things to the way our bodies were connected, effectively ending that conversation”

  • Anonymous

    Why oh why did I have to miss this day because of no internet for a week?! You guys are awesome (and probably none of you will read this)! I have been laughing out loud and almost reduced to tears from your hilarity!!

    I would like to own The Golden Onion being held by Bella while she looks into Edward’s yellow eyes because of the Fluorescents (and also check out his pecs, since apparently he looks hunky according to the Coug)

    Wow, way to long but you guys already claimed so many other wonderful items.

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