Breaking Dawn: It’s ON

Dear Breaking Dawn,

Well, you know you must be 3 months (to the day) away when I receive official Breaking Dawn pictures via e-mail. It’s never too early to start promoting a movie that will surely break box office records except Harry Potter’s.

I planned to ignore the pictures until Moon & I could give them a proper look-over together (oh yeah- she’s back! She’s safe! We barely talked yesterday because she was busy at work & responding to email threads that were sent 3 weeks ago!) but a few thoughts came to mind that I just had to share when I looked at the pictures for the first time:

Ah the joys of having a husband who doesn’t need to breathe underwater…(one more reason to envy Bella)

THREESOME!

DAD’S ON VACATION and not on a business trip like he told you….. oh.. and he took the babysitter with him…

Taylor’s contract stipulates he must always have a romance going on in his films, so this is the scene they wrote in where Jacob & Rosalie consider getting it on for a hot moment.

“Carlisle? I ate 3 dozen eggs in the last 4 days & I think I lost 3 pounds. Is there something wrong with me?”

Why YES the ass of Bella’s short-shorts says “JERZEY 4 LIFE”

And it hit me, this first part of the movie is ENTIRELY about the honeymoon, isn’t it? Yes they get married. Yes- Bella gets pregnant. But other than that it’s threesomes in a canopy bed, worrying about non-existent fat pouches and Edward in Kmart’s finest selection of Dockers for men!

Can November get here already!?

Love,
UnintendedChoice

What did you think of the new stills? And, um, besides the occasional scene of Bella drinking blood… is there anything else going on in this film? Do I need to re-read the 1st half of Breaking Dawn again?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store
  • Anonymous

    Wow. Edward is doing a fine job of stirring up the ocean in that first photo. His water shoes must have provided excellent stability. 

    Why is Jacob suddenly requiring 3 layers of clothing???

    • Tams

      That’s the first thing I thought about Jacob, too.  Aren’t werewolves always hot? Why the layering?

      • https://me.yahoo.com/a/iNoy11YH1pbU7a.P7bdoq54i3FINJ.8k#6f742 pattygirl

        because thats how TL dress in real life , black!

        • Anonymous

          and in leather, of course!

    • Anonymous

      UC, your caption on that first photo is the best thing I’ve read in a long time.  First I laughed hysterically.  Then I thought, “Dang, that’s totally true.  Lucky girl.”

  • Anonymous

    Wow. Edward is doing a fine job of stirring up the ocean in that first photo. His water shoes must have provided excellent stability. 

    Why is Jacob suddenly requiring 3 layers of clothing???

  • Nelle

    I don’t know about anyone else but I LOVE to see Rob with a wedding band!

  • Anonymous

    Oh UC, you crack me up!
    —-
    “Please dog,” Rosalie spats, “you couldn’t take me even in your little puppy dreams.”

    Jacob snickers arrogantly. “Oh, I know I could take you,” he whispers hotly, changing the meaning of the word and presses her to the wall, pinning her there with his, “and you would love Every. Last. Second.”

    Rosalie’s breathing hitches.

    “Rose?” Emmett calls from the next room.

    Rosalie delivers a swift punch to the gut causing Jacob to fall to the floor. She steps over him and out of the room grateful for Emmett’s interruption during her lapse of judgement.

    • Stacey

      Isn’t that close to the scene where she makes him a dog food bowl and he hits her in the head with it? That HAS to be in the movie!

  • Sue G.

    Ah the joys of having a husband who doesn’t need to breathe underwater…(one more reason to envy Bella)”

    Epic line!  Lost my coffee on that one!

    • Anonymous

      hahah! here I was, distracted by KStew actually smiling, without realizing…what would make that girl smile? OOOHHhhhhhhhhh. Right.

      • TeamSeth

        The promise of a mushroom and spinach omelette? That’d make me smile. I’m super hungry! Hopefully Edward will throw in some roasted red pepper and sundried tomato.

        Holy crap. I need to eat lunch.

      • TeamSeth

        The promise of a mushroom and spinach omelette? That’d make me smile. I’m super hungry! Hopefully Edward will throw in some roasted red pepper and sundried tomato.

        Holy crap. I need to eat lunch.

      • Randomhand58

        You mean “Bella” rather than “KStew”? Actually, “Bella” rarely smiles in the Twilight movies – keeping in line with the character.  “KStew” is a very smiley person unless asked a serious question in an interview or stalked by paparazzi.

  • operarose

    I’m contemplating why there’s a hornet’s nest hanging over their honeymoon bed. Some weird vampire ritual?

  • Anonymous

    I saw someone post the “threesome” picture with Bill talking Rob down from a raging boner. hahah. hee.

    • BeforeAndAfter

      Please post a link! I’d love to see that one.

    • Anonymous

      It looks as though Bill is giving him therapy. ‘No, really Rob, your back looks totally manly, the chicks at LTT said so.’

  • blackgirltwihard

    1st caption  = priceless!

  • Anonymous

    in other news: do you guys know Rifftrax? “Line?” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rpsq7_sNER0&feature=player_embedded

    • Anonymous

      line. line. LINE. Great.

  • Stacey

    Those are the pictures in Entertainment Weekly. The issue where my husband looks at KSTew in those little shorts and told me that he would see Breaking Dawn with me. I got very excited, then realized that he only wants to see it if she was wearing those little shorts the entire movie. 

    I got offended and said I wanted to see Rob, because he’s pretty and my husband laughed and said, “You know he’s gay right?”Argh!

    • Anonymous

      not gay, *British*. I know, it gets confusing.

      • TeamSeth

        Let’s hope this is true of other certain British people I may or may not have a quiet crush on.

      • TeamSeth

        Let’s hope this is true of other certain British people I may or may not have a quiet crush on.

    • TeamSeth

      Who wears short shorts?!

       

      • TeamSeth

        at least Condon knows what actually will bring in the men–unlike C-Dubs who thought “fake wolf fighting action will totally bring in the men! Men love CGI fighting!”

        No, men love sex. Still. Ass hanging out of soft knit white shorts with the island breeze causing hard nipples.

        Why is Chris such an idiot?

      • TeamSeth

        at least Condon knows what actually will bring in the men–unlike C-Dubs who thought “fake wolf fighting action will totally bring in the men! Men love CGI fighting!”

        No, men love sex. Still. Ass hanging out of soft knit white shorts with the island breeze causing hard nipples.

        Why is Chris such an idiot?

    • TeamSeth

      Who wears short shorts?!

       

    • https://me.yahoo.com/a/iNoy11YH1pbU7a.P7bdoq54i3FINJ.8k#6f742 pattygirl

       thats his way to say I am jealous so saying his gay is a deflection

  • Anonymous

    Renee totally shoved those short-shorts into Bella’s luggage.

  • http://twitter.com/kitten_mitton Christine Mitton

    *snort* Dockers for men.  It looks like there is elastic in the waistband of those white pants he’s wearing.  *VOM*

  • TheColdWoman

    I’ll save you the trouble UC, NOTHING happens in Breaking Dawn. Except for the evil vampire spawn that is Renneessseeemmeee. But definitely, not enough for two movies. Let’s watch a wolf pack run around a house for an hour – they can’t speak but don’t worry, they’re THINKING!  And then let’s watch two packs of vampires stand in a clearing and shoot each other evil glares. Don’t worry, even though you can’t SEE it, there’s MIND stuff happening!

    • Anonymous

      Um, I think I heard something about the wolves talking in this one.  I’m expecting the teen angst version of the Lion King.

    • The Old One

      Yep, the only 3 things of any interest in the movie, so they’d better be there:  Jacob hits Rosalie in the head with the dog bowl, Bella slurps blood out of a sippy cup, and Edward bites his way through Bella’s abdomen to let out the demon spawn.  OK, 4 things, also the headboard breaking.  The rest of the 2 hours:  Yawn.

  • TeamSeth

    Who is the person in the background of the “phone call to Carlisle” photo? Did the boom guy screw up?

    • Anonymous

      It looks like it could possibly be a bathroom, so maybe there is a mirror behind them showing the reflection of E’s back?

      • Anonymous

        You can’t see vampires in mirrors! Oh, this is Twilight.

  • Anonymous

    I thumbed through that copy of EW. Your captions are great. But, as was so neatly summed up earlier, not nearly enough goes on in breaking dawn to fill two movies. I’m hoping for lots of Taylor shots, but considering Bella and Edward are on their honeymoon…

    • Anonymous

      Apparently he does some ‘imagining’.

  • Nettie

    I think that’s her white bikini bottom, not short shorts. But I know nothing of current fashion…
    Great captions, though! I think there’s going to be lots of filler with flashbacks to human lives and also imagined/dreamed confrontation scenes.

  • Anonymous

    On the not enough to fill 2 movies topic, I’m thinking of what fun dress up item and intoxicant would go good with BD part 2. I’m thinking demented baby and flask of something that resembles a martini. I wouldn’t go all out and do a bald wig with hair sticking out and glued on baby arms, but I do get a flash of the character from SNL that Rachel Dratch used to do. Or just dressin’ normal and bringing a demented baby doll to accompany you through the movie. Those aren’t hard to come by. And they don’t cost 30-125 dollars like ugly used wedding dresses.
    That reminds me of a girl who used to bring a baby doll to raves with her and carry it around all night. It was creepy and wrong looking in so very many ways.

    • Anonymous

      My kiddo has a doll that talks and moves and is downright terrifying.  I should totally bring that.  Or mail it to you so it will stop scaring her.

      • Anonymous

        I was at a thrift store today, and one of the “bagged” items was dismembered Barbie dolls. Those dismembered Barbies were worth 2.50 just like most of those wedding dresses are worth 75.00. The broken crap that they try to charge good money for. Broken Barbies? Who the hell wants a bag of those? For more than, say, 0.25? That whole bagged selection wall should be marked “If you can make use of any of this crap, please just take it.”
        Oh, and yes, when I get a creepy walking talking doll in the mail it really makes my day :)

        • Anonymous

          And now I am picturing a scenario in which that doll that went to all the raves ends up at a thrift store, gets brought home by a kid, and mom thinks “what smells like smoke machines, vicks, sweat and PCP around here?”

  • Mani

    Wardrobe and hair. Twimovies can never get it even acceptable.
    Talking about clothes and hair – please write about Kristens W mag shoot! <3

  • Anonymous

    i bet Eddi woke up after that threesome as light headed as Dan after doing it with his GF and his BFF :)

  • Anonymous

    WOKE UP! pfffffffffffff…silly me :)

  • Anonymous

    OK i guess i’m just too excited for G.G’s coming season. 

    • TeamSeth

      Haha, thanks for qualifying that. I was sat there racking my brain going, “Dan? Dan? Does she mean Daniel Cudmore? When did Cuddley get a girlfriend [publicly]? Is Charlie Bewley still his bestie, or is that Erik Odom now?” (fingers crossed)

      Then it came together… and I remembered that TV is going to start back up next month!  EXCITEMENT! Not that I have much time for it at the moment (unless my job won’t take me back…then I have ALL the time in the world)

  • Anonymous

    don’t worry i’ll keep you posted if some major scandal blows up which is sure to happen after that pregnancy test, so who do you think is the Father to be? most say it’s obviously Chuck but i disagree, i mean it’s GOSSIP GIRL! if you’re expecting it then it’ll never happen.       

  • Alice_NaA

    OMG to that first picture & caption. whahaha.

    And it looks way too real to be fake. You can’t fake a face like that, at least I doubt Kstew can.

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