As much as I’d like a lil’ hanky panky I don’t want breaking dawn porn!!

Dear Breaking Dawn,

My friend Adrienne sent me this from Robsessed. And my first thought was “ewww” (And I don’t mean from the picture to the right)

Fade to Sad

Well, maybe a lil' fade to sad is okay...

Then I realized… for a girl who cries BREAKING HEADBOARDS 2011 (well, I haven’t cried that yet but plan to starting today) & covers herself in feathers & blood for Halloween (no I don’t) that’s an odd thing to think isn’t it? And I realize that while I really want some hanky panky, I don’t want Breaking Dawn porn!! I know I know…. after all this time of saying it BETTER be good and it BETTER be hot, and calling Stephenie the master at “Fading to sad,” now I’m saying it better not be TOO hot? Is it possible for me to be satisfied with (Breaking Dawn) sex!?

But hear me out: I’m going to see Breaking Dawn in the theater- not in the privacy of my home (or beach) where I read the book. I’m going to be sitting with hundreds of people, many of whom I’ll be annoyed at because of how long I had to hear them yammer on about how hot “Jacob the wolf” is in line.  I’ll most likely be holding Moon’s hand & sitting with Mr. Choice on my other side. The sex scene(s) can’t be TOO hot. Cuz I’ll be holding Moon’s hand, in the presence of Mr. Choice, in a room full of people in public. And that’s just awkward. I guess the NON-“fade to sad” sex scene I wanted for the BOOK might not translate as well to the screen. (ESPECIALLY when every Robstener in the room will be groaning in pleasure as all their Robsten fantasies are realized (read LTR today for some of those very fantasies!))

So what DO I want? What WOULD be appropriate? What advice CAN I give way too late in the game?

Here are some good sex scenes to model after that come to mind after three years of thought no thought at all.

Somebody else made this. I did not. I wish

The Notebook

Ignoring the fact (as hard as it is) that it’s a RYAN GOSLING sex scene for a minute, let me tell you why this is so beautiful. There’s passion. There’s angst. There’s LOVE and well… Ryan Gosling.

But fill in those words & substitute Ryan for Rob & it could work for Breaking Dawn too!

And we already know that Rob & Kristen are going to win the “Best Kiss” award like Ryan & Rachel did (sniff- RIP their relationship)

Little Red Riding Hood

Dammit, Cathi Hardi! You got something right! The sex scene in this movie was HOT. Hot enough to almost make me want to see it again.

I said almost. Not that I would.

And since I TOTALLY just tried to find images for the next sex-scene idea by googling “Romeo & Juliet Kate & Leo Sex Scene” we’re going to talk about two of my FAVORITES of all time starring Leo:

Couldn't find anything sexier than this, but DANG remember this!? I feel 14 all over again

Romeo and Juliet

I get gooey inside when I think about this movie- probably because it was my first movie sex-scene- or the first scene I remember seeing, anyway. Not only was I so obsessed with Leo I used to cry at night (why? I still don’t understand teenage hormones to this day) but DUDE. He DIES in the end. After a sex scene where you could see Claire Dane’s boob if you slowed down the movie enough. Which I used to do. Just cause.

Speaking of Leo dying:

The Titanic

The Titanic was what… a few months after Romeo & Juliet? My Leo obsession was full-on strong & then he had to go & teach me that sex not only didn’t just happen after getting married when you were a teen but could happen right before a major tragedy, was really sweaty and OH SO HOT!

This is still one of the hottest sex scenes of all time to me.

And, in fact, they’re not so “hot” in the traditional sense. I mean…. There’s a little nudity in a few of them. A teeny bit of moaning, but nothing too awkward to watch with a room full of wolf-lovers. But they’re HOT and PASSIONATE without being too porn-ish or cheesy.

So Breaking Dawn, if you listen to me this late in the game while you’re still editing & splicing & cutting things up… make it like one of the above sex scenes. Pretty Please?

Love,
UnintendedChoice

What do you think? Is Breaking Dawn’s scene gonna make us sad? Will it please the Robsteners? Too much? Any other GREAT sex scenes you wouldn’t mind it mirroring?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

Images from Tumblr

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store
  • purplescool

    Don’t worry – I’m sure Summit will edit the sex scenes until all we see is a bare earlobe or toe before they cut to the curtains softly billowing out the window.

    • Anonymous

      Oh my god you *know* the curtains are going to billow slowly out the window. That should be a euphemism but it’s not. 

      • Anonymous

        Lets just hope all that wind also blows out the candles.

    • Kstewboy

      NO!!  We must see Kristen’s boob, just like we saw Claire’s in R&J.  We’ve seen her bum already (Welcome to the Riley’s), so to complete the set Summit has to give us at least some KS side-boob.
      Or I will ask for my money back – and not buy the BluRay (ok, I’ll do neither of those things, but I’ll be miffed).

      • Anonymous

        OMG Kstewboy, I am a little bit in love with you. Also, now I really really have to see Welcome to the Rileys. I wish it had come to our little theater so I could have yelled “KSTEW BUM!” That would have been epic.

        • Kstewboy

          MarbleNutSlut – you’re making me blush :)
          Welcome to the Riley’s is a great movie – especially for KStew fans.  Her character is all dirty and messed up.  And you do get great view of her lovely bum.

          • Anonymous

            Making people blush is what I do best!
            I really did want to see it, I was waiting for it to come to our little scrobbly theater, it just never did. I am returning my (unwatched…sigh) netflix DVD right this moment so I can get Riley’s this week.

        • MariaCecilia

          Actually I would have yelled “KSTEW CROTCH” much more – I was seriously uncomfortable during the viewing, keeping my fingers crossed that nothing would fall out of the bottom of her much-too-skimpy costume. But you have to respect a girl who is all fearless like that for her art..

          • MariaCecilia

            Sorry, I’m having trouble replying today, and obviously managed to type the same reply twice.. :-( Disqus doesn’t like my computer…

        • MariaCecilia

          You would be crying “KSTEW CROTCH” much more, I think. I was seriously uncomfortable during the viewing, keeping my fingers crossed that nothing would fall out of the bottom of her too-skimpy-costume. But you have to respect a girl who takes fearless risks for her art like that…

          • KStewBoy

            I could get away with yelling “KSTEW BUM” in a theater, but Mrs. KStewBoy would definitely punch me in the ribs if I yelled out “KSTEW CROTCH”. 
            Such is the bum/crotch double-standard.

          • Anonymous

            Oh when will we break free of the tyranny of the bum/crotch standards of the patriarchy?!

  • @lizcheekydevil

    i think they should keep the breaking dawn sex classy and tasteful, not show too much, sometimes less is more, leave something to the imagination, i think that’ll totally work, keep it special for all us fans x

  • Anonymous

    I have faith in my bestie Jack Morrissey (who seems to be besties with anyone who talks to him on Twitter…maybe he is lonely? or maybe he is covering up his bestie-ness with me by befriending everyone else? let’s say yes, that is what it is) (he said he would bring me something leather from the UK…that’s hot. I sort of love him.)

    anyway, Jackie M, as I call him in my head, would never let Bill make something crass and/or boring, despite the behind the scenes still with Rob’s Epic Sheet-Tent. Also I don’t think Mr. Condon would risk his Oscar cred on something lame. I really think he will pull off the Best Movie from the Worst Book, and I will love them both forever. 

    • Anonymous

      that would be a really cool oscar category

      • Anonymous

        YES.

    • Anonymous

      Is it wrong that when you said he’d bring you something lather from the UK, my first thoight was; “hmmm… Something MOTU style?”

      (the author if from UK, right? Which combined with “something leather” made me think riding crop…. Wow, MOTU has seriously affected my line of thinking)

      • Stacey

        I just laughed really loud reading this! MOTU will do that to a person.

        • Anonymous

          I have heard so much about MOTU but I’ve never read it. I think it’s unavailable now? I think she’s publishing it or something, and since I am not on the list I will never know which super porny book is it. Drat.

          • Amy_k_444

            What is this MOTU you speak of???

          • MariaCecilia

            Master of the Universe is a fanfic that a lot of people read. Which is now being published under the pen name of E L James at The Writer’s Coffe Shop Publishing House. Don’t know why, but I thought she was Australian..?

          • Anonymous

            Oooh good to know!

            ALSO! Welcome to the Rileys is on it’s way from Netflix! KStew!

          • KStewBoy

            You go, girl – enjoy!  Be prepared for another side of Bella :)

          • Anonymous

            Haha, is it really another side of “Bella”? Because when I saw The Cake Eaters I was impressed until I realized she was playing Bella with a disorder. Really, Bella with a few more tics.

            OMG I just realized your avatar is “Bella Is Psyched That Her Man Doesn’t Need To Breathe Underwater”. Love that.

          • KStewBoy

            Yeah – only an educated eye can see that – good call :)

  • Adrienne

    Honestly the whole thing will be awkward for me.  I don’t like watching “real-life” lovers having fake awkward sex.  That’s just weird.

    • Anonymous

      Oh please don’t say things like that. I just read today’s LTR and I am full on twitchy about Robsteners. I am 2 parts sad and 2 parts squicked out.

    • MariaCecilia

      What is the awkward part? a) Them being real-life lovers? b) Them not being real-life lovers? c) Faking the sex? d) NOT faking the sex?! e) doing an awkward job of faking the sex? d) doing an awkward job of faking awkward sex? (The possibilities are endless…)

  • Anonymous

    The Titanic ‘hand’. *swoon*
    I’m also going to apologise now for getting all giddy over Jacob while waiting in line. Sorry.

  • Anonymous

    I concur with Adrienne, I do not want to watch people in a real relationship having fake sex, blech.  R&J was beautiful because like moon, that was my first voyeristic experience and it was a classic love story, and has anyone seen Girl Next Door? Add that to awesome sex scenes…
     
    I dont know if I can mentally seperate reality from fiction in this instance. Plus, I still have a hang up that these are supposed to be 17 and 18 year old kids – gross

  • nocoolname

    Can I throw in a favorite movie kiss, even though it’s not a full-fleged sex scene?  The kiss between Watts and Keith in the garage in Some Kind of Wonderful.  (Aaaand I’m dating myself…)

    • Anonymous

      that was hot. I may or may not have had that soundtrack…on vinyl. ;)

      • Kstewboy

        Now you both are dating yourselves… the kids today don’t know from vinyl – or cassettes – or CDs :)

        • Anonymous

          Cougars are cool (said in Matt Smith voice)

      • purplescool

        I do have the soundtrack to that movie…love 80s music.

      • purplescool

        I do have the soundtrack to that movie…love 80s music.

    • purplescool

      Yes!  That scene was great!  I am also dating myself, so don’t feel too bad about that.

    • purplescool

      Yes!  That scene was great!  I am also dating myself, so don’t feel too bad about that.

    • Stacey

      That IS a romantic kiss and at the end where she puts on the diamond earrings! What a great movie. (Eric Stoltz was my first crush!)

  • Anonymous

    One day I want to see a Behind the Music (Movie? IDK) interview that’s like the scene in Megamind (which, if you have never seen and have kids, *totally watchable*):

    [Roxanne and Megamind
    disguised as
    Bernard are having a picnic. Megamind asks her to tell him something nobody knows.]

    Roxanne Ritchie: Okay,
    okay.
    Metro Man and I were never a couple.

    Megamind: But
    I thought you
    two…

    Roxanne Ritchie: I
    know,
    everybody did, it’s just he was never really my type.

    Megamind: Really?

    I think of Robsten every time that scene comes on.

    • Adrienne

      i loved that movie…”the Black Mumbaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh”

      • Anonymous

        haha! We say that all the time! My kid loves the part where he goes, “Potato potato potato” instead of “Potato, Potahto”

        most underrated kids movie ever. Except for A Town Called Panic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w3uG8LLuVPQ

        • Adrienne

          i have to get that – “with Indian in the role of Indian”!

          my kids say “just a tippy tappy tippy little bit more…”

  • Stacey

    The best sex scenes are the romantic type, with tender kisses and sweet glance and some hot male actor like perhaps Jensen Ackles just being pretty and smouldering. (Or since I mentioned “smouldering”, Ian Somerhalder.)

    I think that if Bill Condon does it right, that Breaking Dawn can have more of a “love making” scene, than the book had. He really is a gifted director. A fantastic director of musicals. How about Bella and Edward break into song! With feathers flying and Edward doing some choreographed dance moves! Then Bella trying and falling flat on her face.Now that would be a memorable sex scene.

    The Romeo and Juliet scene is one of my favorites! (Claire Danes is great!)

    • Vampmedic

      That’s hilarious!!! I could totally see them breaking out into song and dance. It would defenitly go down in history. Although probably not the history any of us would want and would give even more ammunition for people to make fun of. Oh well, I have a feeling there will be enough with the 2 movies coming out. (I cringe at the thought) Hey that’s a great idea for a letter. How to defend breaking dawn 1 & 2. Everyone knows we are going to need the help.

      • Stacey

        Is there really any way to defend it? Believe me, I’ve tried and just dug myself into a bigger hole. Everytime I mention the demon ba…I mean Resa..ahh…darn it, demon baby is just easier to spell or imprinting I get people confused and frightened by my well intentioned explanations.

        Maybe if we make fun of it with love, then the people who hate will be cancelled out? Hmm…

      • Anonymous

        Every time I try to stop freaking out over the movie something like this pops up. I’m starting to regret coming out of my twi-closet. I don’t know how it all made sense the first time i read B.D. Seriously, what are we going to do? :(

        • Kstewboy

          I am sure glad I’ve stayed in my Twi-closet!  The guys at work would be relentless once word of the Renesmee storyline gets out…

          • Anonymous

            Lucky }:(

  • Angiepro4

    Hmmmmm. Who is Mr. Choice? I would hope that isn’t your husband or boyfriend your’e bringing to see BD. That is a No No! ;)

  • Bellard fan

    I’m sure someone at some point has mentioned this, but isn’t it possible that the powers at Summit won’t allow Kristen and Rob to publicly date in fear of their relationship status (on again off again) ruining Twilight publicity. I think they told Oprah that, no? I bet once the movie comes out they can finally announce that they are casually dating, that’s it. This way the Robsteners or Nonsteners can finally make peace.

  • The Old One

    Most erotic (non-porn-y) movie scene:  The Piano with Holly Hunter and Harvey Keitel.  

    All right, they can edit the honeymoon scene tastefully for the theater if they must, but they’d better have the UNCUT version on the DVD for our private viewing.  Just saying.

    And do I get the feeling that there will be a surprising percentage of the audience who will be males wanting to see KStew nudity?  The producers were worried there wouldn’t be enough wolfy/vampy action in BD to attract the guys, but really all they need to do is advertise the promise of a little side-boob, and voila!

    • Stacey

      My husband does after seeing Kristen in the Entertainment Weekly picture spread. It was after seeing her in the chess playing pictures. Then the “discussion” about Rob and if he’s gay. Sigh.

      • Kstewboy

        Well your hubby is half-way there :) 
        And yes, Old One, I fully agree that they must increase the KS side-boob promises in all the BD promotions.  Why stop with promotion only two sex-symbols, when you so clearly have 3!?

        • The Old One

          I hope Summit is paying attention here or they’re missing a big opportunity for a whole new audience.  And do you mean the two sex symbols are Rob and Taylor, and the third is Kristen, or do you mean Rob and Kristen, and the third is Kristen’s side-boob?

          • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XA7QVGB6YPAPDTL7BFW336OSHI Dieter

            Either way works just fine with me…

      • Anonymous

        Here’s my post on gender ambiguity which I think has to be acknowledged and addressed, rather than fluffled over.

        http://focusfree.blogspot.com/2011/05/gender-ambiguity-and-judith-butler.html

        And did you know six-packs are “floating signs” masking femme? Ahem. Taylor are you listening?

    • MariaCecilia

      Yay! Give us the extra uncut smutty material, preferably like the Easter Egg in the LOTR DVD:s so our families won’t find it. Make it a small dumpster symbol somewhere on the menu…

      • Anonymous

        You are very funny!

  • Anonymous

    Whenever I get too worried, I just remember that there is no way this movie will be rated R (isn’t that true? Wasn’t that one of the ‘rules’?). Doesn’t that cut out the possibility of lots of nekidness and awkward too-much-info shots?

    (and I just realized that as I tried to reassure people, almost every sentence in this comment is a question…)

    • Anonymous

      LOL – For me when my hopes start getting too high for the BD sex scenes, I remind myself that it won’t be R Rated. :)

      I don’t know if that was a rule per se, but I always figured it would never be R Rated with the fact that Stephenie doesn’t watch R-Rated movies. That alone tells me they’re not going to make a movie the author if the book it’s based off of can’t/won’t see it.

      They and I remember something from Summit about audience; they ARE young adult books.

      • MariaCecilia

        Plus Stephenie never WROTE anything R-rated so there will be zilch for them to go on. The script-writer is all “And then after they kiss in the water, do they go up on the beach and make love?” Steph: “No.”
        SW: “OK, so they make out on the bed?” Steph: “No.”
        SW: “So what happens?! This IS their wedding night, right?” Steph: “I have no idea. It all faded to black, and that’s what I wrote.”

        • Anonymous

          Actually she really did tell us. However she revealed and concealed it, like a secret. She wanted you to imagine it. She didn’t want to steal your imagination away. See my posting on this if you want.
          I’m not looking forward to soft porn for the millions.  http://twilightirruption.blogspot.com/2011/05/breaking-dawn-scummit-release-breaking.html

  • Anonymous

    A long as they don’t have Bella screaming out; “oh yeah baby! Do me! Harder! Just like that, Edward!”

    And/Or Edward fanatically humping and yelling; “Oh yeah, you like that? Yeah you do!”

    Then I think I’ll be good.

    • Anonymous

      I would love it if R and K did an outtake like that. That would be hilarious.

      • Anonymous

        hahaha
        That. Would. Be. Awesome.

      • MariaCecilia

        Lovely! But since KStew would be totally awkward and slapping Rob’s wrist all the time, while he is giggling I doubt it will happen..:-)

    • Anonymous

      This is one of the funniest comments I have ever read! No fanfic for us!

  • MariaCecilia

    Too much sex in a movie theater can be cringe-worthy. I watched a French artsy movie, “Betty Blue”, that opens with a five minute close up shot of a buck naked couple having aggressive sex on a bed. We all squirmed in our seats. Then I found out that my mother and grandmother (!) went to see it together (we’re an artsy family, what can I say) and I casually asked my mother what she thought. She gave me a piercing look and said: “Uncomfortable.”
    I would never take my mother to BD, let it be known…

  • Anonymous

    From what you’ve written I think you will like what I have to say about BD sex.

    http://twilightirruption.blogspot.com/2011/05/breaking-dawn-scummit-release-breaking.html

  • Fel

    LOL. I had a Leo obsession back then, too. I agree with all of those love scenes you listed. I was just talking with someone actually about how I hoped it would be as passionate as the scene from The Notebook. *Fans self* Hot, indeed. I would be content with something like that.

  • http://www.99escorts.co.uk/ Cheap London escorts

    The Notebook one of my favorite movie to watch. The sex scenes of Kristen are amazing. I really enjoy to watch it.

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