The one where we discuss Bella having the EASIEST pregnancy EVER

At about 12:30 last night Mr. Choice said to me “It sounds like instead of blogging you’re playing with your new Facebook profile.” He was right. Sorry LTTers. You’re welcome Zuckerberg. (and for the record, I like the changes. According to FB my very first convo, on 2/1/2005, was with my roommate at the time and was exactly this “…Adam Brody.. ughhh”) Okay onto Twilight:

Yep, you guesed it! I'm going to post lots of pictures of Kristella pregnant today

Dear readers,

Warning: If you don’t have kids, and are squeamish, you should know that this letter contains lots of over-sharing about pregnancy symptoms.  Of course, if you’re squeamish you should probably think twice about getting pregnant, period.  As much as I love having kids, I wish somebody would have told me about all the stuff pregnancy entails.  And you might as well hear it from me, ‘cause your mama’s not going to tell you.  She wants grandkids too much.

Dear Bella,
I’m not one of those girls who hates you.  You know the ones—those TwiHards who want you to drop dead so they can have Edward to themselves.  Because, obviously that’s gonna happen.  Yeah, you have your stupid, whiny moments, Bella, but don’t we all?  Stephenie sketched you brilliantly loosely so we can all identify with/ pretend to be you… and who doesn’t want to be eighteen and adored by the hottest boy on the planet?  As much as I love you (and, let’s face it, Edward) Ms. Meyer was right: if she wants to write more after Breaking Dawn she has to move on to a different narrator because we can’t identify with you as much, so it’s not the same reading experience.

The beginning of Breaking Dawn is the ultimate imagine-yourself-in-Bella’s-shoes read.  Getting to fill in the fade-to-sad blanks with all our favorite dream-honeymoon fantasies is a ridiculous amount of fun.  But then you get pregnant.  And it was a fun ride the first time I read it, before I’d had children.  But after two children in the last two years I can’t help but roll my chuckle at the melodrama of it all.  And I love the rest of your melodrama—souls, vampire law, trying to save your indestructible boyfriends and all—but the pregnancy stuff just makes me roll my eyes these days.

Being pregnant with a vampire baby is PURE BLISS!

Your kid sucking your life away from within?  Honey, virtually every woman who gestates a child feels like that for at least 8 weeks of the first trimester and 10 weeks of the last, and you did it for WAY less time than that.  And try doing that first trimester while still breastfeeding your first kid.  Not for wusses.  So maybe your kid broke your spine.  Psshh, whatever.   Try having feet shoved in your ribs and a head whacking your cervix for four months.  Especially fun when they get hiccups.  I’ll give you credit though—you whined way less than I did while pregnant.  Of course, you had Edward to do the whining for you.

Speaking of which, the day you figured out you were pregnant you suddenly see a baby bump.  I get the accelerated growth thing, but there’s no way that’s your first physical change.  By the time there’s a baby bump your boobs have been swollen for weeks.  And there’s no way Edward’s vampire vision would have missed that fact.  Of course, those unusually large bosooms would have hurt so much that even you—sex-starved martyr that you are—wouldn’t let him touch them.  This is ultimate irony of pregnancy as far as daddies are concerned.  Now there’s a reason for him to be whiney.

And you had a house full of super-powerful vampires and werewolves doting on you, valiantly trying to meet your every need.  I just had a needy toddler, a house full of moving boxes to unpack, and a husband who works 60 hour weeks.  Not feeling the sympathy, girl.

You missed out on so many of the joys of pregnancy, Bella.  I’m going to fill you in on a few of them, and I’m sure you’ll get some great additional information from our delightful commenters.

  • Will you come to my white trash baby shower?

    Of course eating fried chicken made you puke.  I couldn’t touch meat—let alone cook it—for months.  Except sausage and shrimp.  Because what pregnant women will and won’t eat is always logical.

  • Forget eating making you puke, try gagging every time you brush your teeth for four months.  Especially fun because when you puke you then need to brush your teeth again.
  • Creeped out by those crazy dreams you keep having?  At least you’re sleeping.  Between the back aches, the weight on your middle mandating you sleep on your side even though you’ve always slept on your back, and straight-up insomnia, sleep’s a precious commodity.  Even before that newborn keeps you up all night.  Oh, wait, you missed that newborn sleep deprivation part too.
  • Be thankful you were cooped up in that beautiful house being taken care of ridiculously well.  Going out in public just means awkward stares, unsolicited advice, and having to find something presentable to wear that fits this week.
  • Not holding down any food probably means you missed out on the fun of a itty-bitty smooshed bladder, constipation, diarrhea…  Too graphic?  As I’ve been saying, normal pregnancy ain’t pretty, dear.
  • That whole emergency C-section via vampire teeth thing wasn’t pretty, but you didn’t go through a single contraction, let alone days of labor or hours of pushing.  You get bonus points for delivering without an epidural, though.
  • You totally skip breastfeeding, and nobody laid a “if-you-really-loved-your-child-you-would” guilt trip on you.  No pumping, cracking, engorgement or living life in three hour chunks for you.
  • Need we start in on the fact that without the healing powers of vampire venom post-partum breasts are never the same, you’ve got a pooch where your abs used to be, varicose veins, stretch marks, there’s no sex allowed for six weeks more or less, none of your shoes fit…
  • And you had Alice to deal with all the clothes havoc.  From needing new bras within weeks of getting pregnant to having NOTHING that fits for six months post-partum, but not wanting to buy anything because it (hopefully) will be too big soon, having children is a wardrobe catastrophe.
  • And then when your baby is born she sleeps, so you can too!  Oh, wait, you couldn’t, could you?  But you got fabulous vampire sex instead of unending exhaustion, so it doesn’t count.

Just did a little preggers photoshoot for Eddie

Can I continue down the road for a second and tell you about the fun of toddlers who don’t have advanced comprehension of the universe or ability to communicate via mind-meld and therefore spend a couple hours out of every day throwing fits?  That’s probably a different letter, isn’t it?

I hope my letter hasn’t made you too sad about all those human experiences you missed, Bella.  I think you’ll probably deal with what I’ve told you just fine.  I wouldn’t show it to Edward if I were you, though.  It would make him unbearably angsty for days to think about all the amazing things you gave up to be with him.

All my best,
Bea

P.S.  Uptight readers, stop freaking out on me.  I love my children, mostly enjoy breastfeeding, and think childbirth is one of the most crazy-amazing things you will ever do.  I just hate being pregnant.

Hilarious look at the human experiences Bella LUCKILY missed out on in her life! Can you think of any more? (Oh, and Bea sent this letter late July. I asked for an update, but haven’t heard back yet. I sure hope she had the baby. Cuz her pregnancy sounds AWFUL. They’re not all like that, right? Like, if & when I have kids I can expect to never crave meat, gain weight, feel aches, fart in public, complain, cry, regret letting Mr. Choice plant his seed in me? RIGHT?)

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

Oh.. and I couldn’t leave you without posting this AWESOME find from last night:

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store
  • Anonymous

    I have to say, I like Bella, too, but her post-partum days had me growling a bit. Unshowered, exhausted, I would have given anything for a house full of babysitters, that’s for damn sure. Even Jacob to do the dishes once in a while would have been a life-changer. 

    Oooh, you reminded me about the teethbrushing = puke = having to brush your teeth again. Good times. I threw up so much I lost 10 pounds the first trimester & had to take Flintstones chewables because I couldn’t keep the prenatal vitamins down. Then I ate cheeseburgers for the entire second trimester. 

    And, yes, I have to say my actual birthing experience was awesome, and it’s so amazing what your body can do. But a house full of doting vampires would have really been excellent. 

    • nocoolname

      YES!!  Yes, I want the houseful of doting vampires, too.  Right now.

      • Anonymous

        You need it I’m sure.  Where have you been? 

    • MariaCecilia

      But now you’ve got US doting on you, MNS!!

      • Anonymous

        I wish!

        I had a dream I went to the premiere in LA (will someone pay me to do that, please?) and I got off the plane & my LTT girls were there and they all yelled “SLUT!” just as I walked off the escalator at LAX. That would be hilarious.

  • JennB33

    It’s all so true… but you left out one part: the hemmies. That’s right, the gift that keeps on giving throughout the pregnancy, birth, recovery, and throughout the rest of your life! Ass-cones for eva!
    (Sorry this is oversharing, but that was my worst part of pregnancy/birth)
    Also the feeling of total dread when 9 or 10 pm rolls around and you realize that, yes, the baby’s asleep, and you’re going to sleep, only to be startled awake by their shrieks at 11 pm on the dot and there you are, up for a couple of hours feeding, changing, feeding, changing, putting back to bed…
    Sigh. Newborn phase: I don’t miss it in the least, although the little buggers did smell good.

    • MariaCecilia

      Yes, I still miss the smell when you were snuggling with them in their sleepy state. I remember the not-sleeping part, though, how you dropped everything and dived into the nearest piece of furniture whenever they fell asleep (for 90 minutes..)

  • purplescool

    Ugh…with my first pregnancy I couldn’t go anywhere near anything that even remotely smelled like salmon, or syrup, or apples without getting sick. Not to mention that I puked about 4 times during delivery itself (that vamp c-section’s not sounding so bad after all). 

    Don’t even get me started on the newborn stage – this is where Bella totally lucked out – while she turned into a vampire, I turned into a zombie.

    • MariaCecilia

      Maybe new moms everywhere should volunteer to make extras in the next Zombieland-movie? COuld use the extra cash…

    • GoWithIt

      I got iron deficient (should have tried sippy cup blood), and craved rock salt on rusty shovels. Or really wanted to lick the shaved ice off hockey players skates. At least the iron pills did not make me constipated. Thinking about being constipated and pregnant makes me make a face right now.

  • Mama

    Do not google vaginal hematoma if you don’t have kids!

  • nocoolname

    Oh, this is so brilliant, Bea.  Love, love, love.

  • Anonymous

    I was dog sick for my first potency, threw up the entire duration and had gestational diabetes so I was on a diet so strict that it was down to the type of peanut butter I was allowed and all I wanted was damn brownies! I should have invested in Tums stock because I constantly popped them my last trimester. I had a bottle in my purse, in my car, at my desk at work, in my husband’s car, by my bed. Then went a week over-due, spent 20 hrs in labor and pushed for 2 and a half hours! I kept passing out between contractions towards the end. Well that was until my nether regions ripped. That woke me right up.

    My second I wasn’t as sick, didn’t have gestational diabetes, but had acid reflux so bad, had I read Twilight before that time, I would have wondered if I’d somehow been changed. I had to try to sleep sitting straight up, feeling like I was choking on stomach acid. Fun. After having her, I had a bad reaction to a drug and literally wants to peel my skin off my body. Then nursing her, every time I ate chocolate, she’d violently threw up, do I was denied my brownies AGAIN. Dang kids.

    I never really thought about whether Bella had gotten off easier than me on the whole pregnancy / birth /new baby thing. But now that you bring it up, if being bitten open and changing into a vampire was anything like the burn I endured with getting ripped open delivering my first, but all over her body, I begrudgingly have to admit, Bella wins. (though I still think it’s unfair she didn’t have to experience the mind numbing sleep deprivation a newborn baby lets you experience)

    • Anonymous

      My friend had gestational diabetes, too. She brought Thin Mints to the hospital with her. As soon as she could, she ate an entire sleeve of them! :)

      I did the sleeping (or should I say, “sleeping”) sitting up thing, too. I do think of that burn when they talk about vamp thirst!

      Also pathetic: being so huge that you literally fall back asleep in the middle of turning over. And then waking up choking because the baby is crushing your lungs.

      Re: Sleep Deprivation: that, to me, was the worst. Getting woken up every 2 hours for 6 months = motherhood, or “enhanced interrogation technique”.

      • purplescool

        Instead of thinking up all those fancy-schmancy interrogation techniques, they should just give the suspects someone’s colicky newborn to care for – they’d get the information in no time flat.

        • The Old One

          Gitmo, are you listening?

          • Anonymous

            “Not the crying baby! Anything but the crying baby! Oh nooooo is that spit up??!?!”

        • MariaCecilia

          “Get me out of heeeere!! He won’t stop whining and I have abrasions in both my ear drums!! This is cruel and unusual punishment!”

      • MariaCecilia

        It stopped after 6 months?? Now I’m jealous.. My firstborn has proved to be a night-owl, and has never slept more than 8 hours in every 24, unevenly spread out like spilt cereal…

        • Anonymous

          ha. well no, not really. She’s seven next month and she still routinely wakes at least once a night. It’s just that now 4-5 in a row seems like normal sleep. I remember the first time she slept more than 2 hours at a time: I bolted straight up out of bed from a sound sleep, like in a movie. ZOMG SHE’S DEAD! Nope! Just sleeping like a normal person!

          • oh werd?

            OMG I do that every time mine sleeps through the night. Then I end up waking him up when I go in to check that he’s still breathing lol…Not that I have anything to add to this discussion really. I had about the best pregnancy, delivery, and baby anyone could ask for. Just lucky I guess.

      • Anonymous

        Doh!  I totally forgot to whine about having to wake fully up to get up the momentum to turn over.  Not to mention having to sleep on your side all the time.

    • MariaCecilia

      I remember the ripping part too, particularly because I had been so freaked out about the possibility it would happen before-hand and then when it actually did happen it was pure relief: “get that damned thing out of me, now!!”
      Funny how your priorities change? I think a vampire C-section would be a walk in the park…

    • Anonymous

      ‘until my nether regions ripped’  Yep, was handling the content of this post ok right up until now. I would def. take the vampire c-section given the option.

  • skay

    Oh, it’s so funny because it’s all so true! LOL I couldn’t eat chicken through my entire 1st pg’cy…ugh, it made me so sick to even smell! And yes, the teeth brushing induced vomiting…what a joy to look forward to every morning!

    Great letter! 

  • http://twitter.com/The_SuperVixen SuperVixen

    So adopting is looking better and better…

    • operarose

      Agreed.

      Preferably adopting a 1/2 human child who reaches an age where she can communicate and take care of herself within 2 weeks.

    • MariaCecilia

      Look in the teen-section of adoptions: the selection will be better, they will leave home shortly, and if you’re lucky they may even get a driving licence and do your shopping for you!

  • operarose

    oh…gosh. Can I just say that this is the first LTT letter that I absolutely loathe? (No offense Bea, it’s not you, it’s just the subject matter you’re writing about.)

    I am squeamish, hate blood even just a papercut (“ouch! papercut!”) and have an oversensitive nose and yet I expect to have 2 to 3 (2 if I have my way) children within the next 7-8 years. I’ve already announced to my entire family that I will “not be present in the delivery room”. (I was hoping for literally not present.)

    Also thanks to a post a few months ago, I have decided not to re-read Breaking Dawn again for at least 10 years (if ever) thanks to some thoughtful advice from commenters. Trying to minimize likelihood of having strange nightmares about it during pregnancy.

    So…I’ll just be moving along now.

    • MariaCecilia

      Okaay..so I guess that means I won’t be seeing you at the premiere in November, then? ;-)

    • Anonymous

      I’m holding out for someone to invent a nice little gestational pod you can attach or detach from your belly at will. Nothing see-through mind, that would just be tacky ;)

      • Anonymous

        Srsly. I remember thinking, “do we still do this this way? we have not invented a better way to make more humans?”

    • Anonymous

      No offense taken… that was the reason for the warning at the top of the letter.  It’s ugly stuff, childbearing.

  • ChillinWithCullens

    One Bea missed: they don’t mention it in the book (of course), but I’m pretty sure Bella never changed a diaper and didn’t have to deal with the “joys” of potty training either!

    • MariaCecilia

      That was why bitchy Rosalie was put in the books, so that Stephenie could write her dream where someone else takes care of all the messy baby stuff once you’ve delivered the goods!

    • Anonymous

      Diapers are just routine drudgery… but we’re about to start potty training the older one and I’m completely dreading it.

  • MariaCecilia

    Oh, this was hilarious and all TOO TRUE!! Bella got away too easily, and that’s not even beginning to count the fact that she had Edward for a whiny, gorgeuous backup husband all the time.

    I can’t complain too much, though: my pregnancy experiences were mostly pleasant, up to the point where I heard myself saying that I wouldn’t mind getting pregnant again if only someone would take care of the delivery and the first three years of infancy. I can take over from there, once the kid starts talking coherently… and I heard that most kids sleep through the night once they start school. ;-)

    • Anonymous

      I would be pregnant again, and I would *totally* give birth again (that part was kind of awesome, actually) but I have PTSD about the first 2 years of my kid’s life. The click of a binky hitting the floor at 2am still sends shivers down my spine.

      • Anonymous

        I think the worst is the first three months.  Pregnancy gives you more variety to whine about– and thus made for a better letter– but the sleep deprivation and crying… Ugh.

      • Jennyb114

        why IS that?? i can hear a binky hit the floor from the basement. It’s unbelieveable. My husband is like, why did all the blood drain from your face? Why are you shaki-oh. the baby is up.

  • Anonymous

    Funny how I was just talking with my roommate last night about how much I want to have kids in a few years after I’m married…
    I see those shows on TLC where the women do home births au naturel into kiddie pools and all I can think about is how crazy they are. Kudos to you, moms, for however you have gotten that child out of your body!

    • The Old One

      Remind yourself, when you say “I want to have a baby” to also say “I want to have a screaming toddler” and “I want to have a shy, awkward ten-year-old” and “I want to have a sullen, acting-out teen”, because they’re only babies for a very short while . . . .

  • northernlights

    The smell of cell cultures made me gag for the first four-ish months. Joys of working in a research institute… How does one recognise a pregnant woman in the long corridor that joins labs? She’s the one with a death-grip on an empty ice bucket. Every day. “I’m on my way to get some more dry ice…” Sure baby. Or maybe you just want to carry something you can vomit into when the whiff of E.coli overpowers your senses. As it did mine.

  • 3Hboyshouse

    Great Letter Bea!  

  • Sisterpenguin

    Even I, a childless spinstery thing know that Bella got it easy. 

    Ladies your stories have shown me the light. There I was sad that Mr Right was Mr Never-Turned-Up so the baby/children thing didn’t happen… I’ll think about it tomorrow after my Saturday morning lie-in after a full-night’s sleep with only my own mess to clear up (remember those days mummies???) hee hee hee 

  • Anonymous

    As a 33 year old woman who is currently surrounded by pregnant ladies and hearing horror stories about pregnancy almost daily, it’s time to put another check in the “No” column. Thanks!

  • Anonymous

    Dear UC,
    Sorry I didn’t get your e-mail until a minute ago– crazy the last day here.  Yup, baby came in April, so I wrote this as I was finally settling into routine.  And no, not all pregnancies are that awful.  There are women who adore being pregnant, who have basically no side effects and then have children who are wonderful sleepers very quickly.  And even the worst pregnancies are always worth it when they put a snuggly little bundle in your arms.  

    • MariaCecilia

      On a serious note, though, we should not forget to mention all poor moms who feel tearful, totally inadequate and think they are bad, bad moms for NOT feeling all warm, cuddly and loving inside the instant the baby arrives. Not a few women suffer from mild or serious post-partum depression and are completely stressed out by all the “Oh, you must be SO HAPPY!” comments most people make… Being unhappy can also be sort of normal: having kids is a stressful life change, you know, even when you’re not turning into a vampire at the same time?

      • Anonymous

        Good point, MC, thank you.

  • Fridafridak

    I’m reading these comments as I am 9 months pg with my 4th kiddo. Reflux…check. Nausea…check. Hemmies… Check. Belly so big that it’s about to split ala Alien… Check. Hips numb from lying on my side… Check. Short term vampire birth? Sounds like a peach. I just thank the Lord I’m not an elephant. They gestate for 23 months.

    • Anonymous

      That’s right, always look on the bright side.  My pregnancies were so long ago, all the bad things are forgotten.  I know I hated sleeping on my side, feeling huge, and the hemmies, but over all my pregancies and births were good.  It’s been almost 13 years, and I’ve recently gotten to the point when I see a prego I think, better her than me.  Maybe because I’ve been there and done that and don’t necessarily want to go back.  Future adoptions are not out of the question though.  There are way too many children that need permanent homes.  I also have to vertually knuckle bump all the worthy foster parents out there as well. 

  • zoe middleton

    Bummer. My scared maid tampon and eggs went away when we switched to Google something or other. Bugger. 
    I’ll miss this. I got a super busy full time job. A really busy one, in an open office. So not only do I not have time to think, I would not embarrass/get in trouble at work for cruising Twilight sites. I will also not be that woman who has a picture of Edward Cullen in their work station instead of their family. Dear That Woman, No disrespect, you are most likely awesome. Keep that picture up. 

    • Anonymous

      Zoe, this can be bad.  We all need a break once in a while, right.  Get a smart phone and sneak away once in a while for updates.

  • GoWithIt

    Testing 123

  • GoWithIt

    Alright Google Internet. You took away my Brazilian maid. Then you posted my real name with my comment. Now I can’t post anything. WTF.

    • Anonymous

      Don’t worry. we’re all gonna pretend we didn’t see that.

      • GoWithIt

        Good. Although, I am more or less over my paranoia that people I know in real life also read LTT, and I don’t get to post anonymously. Nobody ever brings up the weekly LTT discussions, or mentions how Rob looks dressed up as sexy Little Bo Peep. 

        • Anonymous

          He does, though. Mmm Little Rob Peep….

  • GoWithIt

    Okay. At least that worked. So. Bella pregnancy. Something she didn’t get off light with: the not knowing. I had dreams throughout my pregnancy that I had been impregnated by science with half animal babies. Or that I had a love affair with a cat, and was having kittens (doesn’t sound so bad after the fact). 
    I got a full time job, so I will miss daydreaming about Twilight half the day. I will also not be that woman, the one who puts up a picture of Edward Cullen instead of her family. Dear That Woman Who Puts Up a Picture of Edward Cullen Instead of Her Family At Work, No disrespect. You are most likely awesome. Keep that picture up. 

    • Anonymous

      I had the craziest Bon Jovi dream once. Like, she was born, and then immediately walked away? And Jon Bon Jovi was there somehow? I am still haunted. Why, Bon Jovi? Why?

      • GoWithIt

        Had a dream last night that I was friends with Robson and gang. I weirded Rob out by pulling him onto my lap when he almost tripped over by my chair (bit bold of me in front of Kristen), bonded with Kristen over depressing books, and she told me the media didn’t know her and Rob were married because they had it classified as a gay marriage and we giggled. The rest of the cast were like a group of semi-famous rocks stars trying to get laid, unsuccessfully. And they all looked kind of like Steve Zahn when he went south in Riding in Cars With Boys.

        • Anonymous

          I am totally a “NotMyBiz-sten”…and OMG married at 21? *shudder*
          but I really would be happy if any straight couple got gay married. I wonder if Mr. Slut and I should do that for our anniversary? That would be fun.

    • Anonymous

      Good luck with your new job. I’m sure you can squeeze some time for twi-daydreaming while you’re at work :)

    • MariaCecilia

      Speaking of Not Knowing: I just found out a friend’s brother went with his girlfriend to the emergency room last Monday because “her back was killing her”. When she’s examined they tell her she has to go to gyn op because she is about to deliver a baby – and she had no idea she was pregnant!!! Her first comment: “Maybe you should go tell this to the guy in the waiting room…” When asked how she could NOT have known she answered “I thought I was just getting fat..” :-) And I thought these stories were just made up!

      • The Old One

        How can these stories be possible?  Please do some tactful investigating and find out if the girlfriend really had no symptoms, didn’t notice she wasn’t having periods, the baby never kicked, etc.?  I mean, really!

        • MariaCecilia

          I did! It seems she had one of those contraceptives operated under her skin that gives you an even dose of hormones and makes you lose your period, so she didn’t think anything of it. And she’d been feeling “sick” as in having stomach and back pains for a month, but that was pretty much it. I just can’t wrap my head around this…but obviously it happens to “normal” people too…which means Stephenie is not completely out there with her superfast pregnancy and toothy delivery. Bella was right: everything you can read about in books really exists!

  • Bubs

    Bea, you’re hysterical ! Best laugh I’ve had for as while. Yeah, lucky Bella….all that help and she never ages ! If only…..

  • Anonymous

    I was on bedrest with baby #1 for 7 weeks–only could get up to go to the bathroom, showered a couple times of week while sitting on a stool, and 1 dr visit a week to see if I was still dilating.  It was strange being bedridden but in reasonably good health (except for the contractions, of course). 

    Also, Breaking Dawn (the novel) came out 3 weeks after I had given birth to #3.  Usually you sleep when the baby sleeps, right?  I didn’t sleep for like 48 hours.  Instead I read whenever I wasn’t nursing, and between the sleep deprivation and the lack of brain cells from being pregnant, woohoo that was a trip.  

  • ItsJustMe

    This totally makes me want to go out and have kids!! Ha! I crack myself up…

    (just discovered this blog a couple days ago – love it!!)

    • Anonymous

      Welcome to the party. Better late than never :)

  • JenJadeEyes

    She totally missed out on the FUN stuff – like the second trimester horniness!!!  I was so horny during my first pregnancy I had sex dreams about men I had seen through the day (luckily my boss at the time was 6’4″ *swoon* and NOT bad looking) and any male star I had seen on TV that night just before going to bed and lots of weird things happening during sex that related to said star.  Favorite scenario?  Singing during sex – Michael Buble FTW!  (was weird, too – his face does nothing for me, but just luuuurve his voice… so of course he’s singing the entire time we have imaginary sex in the dark!)
    My second pregnancy exhausted me… and kid has from the beginning!  It took 14 months for son to learn how to sleep more than 5 hours at a time, and yeah, the first night I had to go make sure he wasn’t dead!  Now he gets up for a couple of hours in the middle of the night about 3 nights a week… punk-ass kid!  (I kid, I love the boy, just wish he’d sleep!)

    • MariaCecilia

      That’s why they call it “unconditional love”, and that’s why it’s such a rare commodity. It can be hard to love a person who keeps you up all night, regularly yells at you for nothing and pukes down the front of your clothes all the time… If he was an adult I bet your mom would be telling you to get out of that relationship. :-)

  • Anonymous

    I used to really adore little children but not after becoming an aunt for six of them. It’s like skipping the pregnancy, the birth and having to deal with rest without the unconditional love part. Down here the mom has to stay at her parents house for 40 days after giving birth, it’s like a tradition, it’s good when you’re the mommy i guess but not so good when you have to wake up every few hours and still have to make it to school in the morning.

  • ladyofthemeadow

    I think we’re scaring off the pre-breeders among us. For the record, my two babies slept through the night at 9 and 11 weeks. Luck happens.

    • Anonymous

      and no matter what,in all seriousness it’s totally worth it if it’s something you feel a pull for. My girl is the shiznit.

    • ItsJustMe

      Oh, after having dinner with my BFFs and listening to them describe their births gave me enough reason to think “Adoption’s not bad!” loooong before this blog! But I do know that if I’m privileged enough one day to carry a baby in my belly that I will love every miserable moment of it. :)

      • Anonymous

        Awwwww that’s so sweet <3

  • Anonymous

    Thank you Bea for that eye-opener!  I always felt sorry for Bella, thinking she was having a rough time of it, but you have totally given me a new perspective!  I suppose I was probably comparing her to my own experience (which was kind of a breeze).  The hardest part for me was the seven days in hospital post-caesarian with craaaaacked nips, and a rash all over my body from the IV antibiotic they gave me (I know that doesn’t sound like much but it was BAD).  I also wondered about the whole Renesmee/diaper thingy – I mean if she can eat human food it’s gotta go somewhere right??   Love the photoshopped pic of Bella/Jennifer Grey at the end!

  • Marisa Miller

    Having kids is friggin’ awesome. I have four of them, and I was one of the crazy home birthers going au naturel. Pregnancy sucks for me big time, but the birth makes up for it, and then you forget about it all by the time they are two.

  • Scrapperzee

    16 weeks of morning sickness that lasted 24/7, puking at just the sight of chicken (cooked or uncooked!) or any kind of food for that matter, 36 hours of labor, no epidural til the final 4 hours, mastitis from breastfeeding, hemorrhoids…& sex…LOL!!!!!!!…DON’T TOUCH ME EVER AGAIN!  I just can’t feel that bad for Bella!

  • Pokey Momma

    Yea I totally agree. Bella lucked out with the pregnancy, birth and newborn stage! I feel like my birth was WAY worse than Bella’s, add breastfeeding challenges, reflux and refusal to formula, and a colicky baby for the first 3 months and Bella’s birth reads like a honeymoon to me! UC and Moon if you want the details of my horrific birth / nursing battles check out my blog: I even refer to Twilight/ Bella’s birth in it!http://theverybreastthing.blogspot.com/2011/01/bens-birth-part-1.html

    Warning: Don’t let Mr. Choice read it or he will NEVER want to plant his seed :P

  • Anonymous

    In lieu of a blood filled sippy cup from Hot Topic, I found and purchased this little gem: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B004A8QRKA/ref=ox_ya_os_product

    • Anonymous

      Bras, bras and more bras is still all i get when i type blood filled sippy cups in the Hot Topic search bar. I NEED those sippy cups :-(

    • Anonymous

      That is hilarious.  This reminds me of the “everything relates to Twilight” game.  Even being eco-conscious.  In fact, I was thinking I might need to write a letter….

      • Anonymous

        I think you should.

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